EOL | Chapter 2.3

Maybe I should 054c69198c have run when a552d66c77 our eyes met. Seeing him walk 7033d65bb2 towards me, I 955971fa83 froze.65088d79103eaff5

Was he f72c614f26 really waiting ed1a79d5af for me 493707e2ae all this 6b4e671cf7 time?a7205bb86360970a

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How should 29b36a153e I react 40d55a2022 to seem 553ba8c1e2 calm?bc58301d9712272e

My mind ac5ee061f8 was filled d90c90e91f with error 43ef2a2d54 messages like 6d13ca2a33 an overloaded 6cf0be6355 computer. The countless deaths I f8d9b87c3a experienced during regression flashed 4e5ef1effc before my eyes.7803d2fd15edce3a

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The place a0e4390f5f where Lee 1586eaff9e Gyeon and 89eaa1aac6 I stood e4608cee7f was no 0898fb4a50 longer the 5546519c81 gray entrance ebc2c91b57 of the ced48b7aa9 Guide Center. It was a battlefield. A hell filled with 717675e28f blood and monsters.d0aed81c6c76c11f

“Did the matching test go well?”075d3a24e3e6f7a0

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“Matching test…”b83eaec42265b0e1

I stupidly repeated 8c5bbb5156 his words, then 07ebd921bb snapped back to 8bdf6744f5 reality. I stepped aside 96b2c5cd6a awkwardly and forced 125b3d292a a smile.20486b26a667a76b

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“I’m a bit busy right now.”1129273902c7f360

It was the best excuse I could think of, but it didn’t work on him.8e05333225641e0e

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“I heard you didn’t participate in the morning training.”282a6cb5b9a49f94

“I need to eat lunch.”892f2518ecbfaa5e

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“It’s 10 AM.”0058bf7e8740ee33

“Brunch…”2e235073f4bffa2f

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“Guide Han Haegyeol.”8a17fa0849424beb

Standing awkwardly, I met e7b2f9a0b1 his gaze. It was 1067c4d9eb better to 988e3981f1 make eye 34e4ce307a contact. Looking at a6aeb283b1 him gave deccc0bbfd me a 5bf0d1337a sense of db5a571bbd stability, like b5936f8530 a trained 9032652091 dog.8c1ef196f3f8435a

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The reason I 73ea134296 could regress so 0283e8eba3 many times was 48b584820b because he saved 93eba8d163 me that many 07dce37c45 times.6da1b8417b79e93b

Lee Gyeon is the 8672db973e kind of guy who 86568bbed6 gives you the disease 053384a172 and the cure. Of course, I was e14ffa7494 the fool wagging my 0ae9b76c2d tail even if he c2d6a53142 gave me the disease.e57930cac9e29e97

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“Are you thinking of becoming another esper’s guide?”ed185ffc666276d1

He seemed to know I had come here for the matching test. Maybe that’s why he was at the Guide Center since morning.b931a87f00032f6f

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“Whether I become another esper’s dedicated guide or stay in the backup team, that’s my choice.”c81801b0596ac0dc

I put strength ae77ab8cb0 into my voice ac8c556ee2 to avoid showing bb7c69ddb9 I was intimidated.b8ef428488cf822c

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“Besides, the compatibility with you isn’t good…”f0d80057edebc0f9

“Not good compatibility?”c31cafc2ad4659aa

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“I mean, the rank…”e28dd2e54fb2b7f7

“Why worry about rank? Who cares? If I’m okay with it, why?”4ccedbc4f98b6de0

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“I’m not okay with it.”651b7c3a694c8115

He seemed eager to match with me. It was hard to understand, yet I wondered, “What if?”c8f589626189a8ad

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Was there 479acf73d7 a reason bc61d67c23 I had 8f32cd235e to be 84b4886428 his dedicated 3e973ae4b0 guide?ced80b5891e0db08

In countless regressions, I was just a D-rank. A D-rank becoming an S-rank esper’s pair was either a miracle or intentional.bcee949fc4c05627

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Maybe he 03124e582a had a 36bc3e123d special reason. A reason he had 119cba3503 to hold onto even d7ad41ea99 my insignificant hand.4a0478fbd746f131

“Why, why do you want this? Is there a reason I have to match with you?”211e77b1dc791f1b

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If I wanted to act uninterested, I shouldn’t have asked that. But I couldn’t take back what I said.7b171ccff9d1f3cc

He checked his device nervously and leaned towards me. He couldn’t easily speak.0a0101b1883c77c7

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Is it a secret? Yeah, I know. He’s not the kind of person who would kindly explain something important to someone like me.850afaa08d22c63e

“If you came to find me like this, it must be important, but I don’t want to. Being your dedicated guide. S-rank gates are too much for me. It might sound stupid, but I’m scared of being dispatched to high-rank gates…”11340713219f3a36

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Even now, if I close my eyes, I see dying comrades and you covered in blood. You don’t know how hard I’m breathing to feel that I’m grounded in reality.cf7c935f8a673343

I looked up and 6b644256f9 met his eyes. His gaze 0b88559063 was calm ff15311420 and settled.15bdc9fda8c3f585

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“Do you know? That’s why you should be my guide.”1fef636bc3f46d49

His device 36cb9d2b3d rang loudly. It was a mission 3d4bd89523 call.cd978878dda43e89

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“You should go.”83c6d9d355764f26

I spoke d5a9dabf1a curtly and 0e5c8ac8bd started walking. He matched 89fc36eba5 my pace da3d44f4fc and followed.3a9e6f1d01ad17ef

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“You haven’t accepted any dedicated guide offers yet, right?”0c95dc33415b8d28

“I’ll decide that myself.”68e1cc79b3132da1

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“You say S-rank is burdensome, but isn’t A-rank Cha Eunha?”505641e1d7053872

I stopped abruptly.1decfeb8677a9282

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He knew. He knew I 04c804f743 had done a 4d1dfcdfff matching test with aaffeff3fe Cha Eunha.c4a5cdd4382e3656

“How did you know?”d3c8b506cdde607c

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“The A-rank esper’s matching was too sudden. It came up as a meeting agenda at dawn, even if I didn’t want to know.”1c559b3b9dfa69e0

“You could just ignore it.”a7a3ce58a8b1fd07

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“Guide Han Haegyeol.”ad87a1c4bae10097

He called me 7f995390b5 to a stop. Ignoring him was difficult d55a9d4119 after being under his 35da6ea4f3 influence for so long. Unconsciously, I stopped dd49c8c4bd and looked up daf440e3bc at him. He had a 3b9fb7ee85 gentle expression, as c98746d5aa if handling a 77dce2077a child.edfcb4b028d2568b

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“A-rank gates are as dangerous as S-rank gates. It’s best not to pair with Cha Eunha. Or any other esper.”d6d56547ff4b641f

“Why bother…”26ec579385d3d02a

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Why bother 9d387056e2 saying this? We were 393b90bbd7 nothing to d06d52c302 each other.1a71d6919860021c

To be precise, I was nothing to him. He probably doesn’t even remember saving me when I was young.e3fac6c1a0d55a06

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One of the hundreds or thousands he saved. A speck of dust he didn’t need to notice.3b81098eb628bc4d

“Do you want me to be your pair guide?”b6e310392f5abc13

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“Yes. Right now, even.”54be4911f4edce29

“Ha.”1c9646c0e5c6e20a

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Nonsense. He’ll refuse guiding anyway.9e1b1bb2e0cfaf17

I wasn’t someone who suddenly gave up on guiding him in this life. I gradually let go.01470c7c61c110d1

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“Guiding was fine.”bf9005aae19a27fe

It was a lie. I hadn’t guided Cha Eunha today. We just did a basic check of each other’s states.f231bd6935c928b4

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Saying guiding 6e27592838 was fine 3d315c8ea9 was just c4408b89fe out of aefb1f12bb spite.362cef022e80708c

“I felt like I matched well with Cha Eunha. He was satisfied with my guiding. He even said we seemed meant for each other.”9d0e9f01434f8f1e

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Of course, I think that’s nonsense. But once I started, I couldn’t stop.1e6c16ee6991c10d

“There were no difficulties during guiding. The wave circulation was smooth. Unlike with you, my matching rate with him exceeded 92%.”adf1f5ecf27eb31c

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“…”164233f646f8ca72

“I thought working as a pair wouldn’t be bad. It seemed like it would be good. Going on missions with Cha Eunha…”591c1b522a6aff85

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He looked at me 9e2b78b23f with a cold gaze, 4ae3c2fa05 unlike before. It was the 3972c70caf face he made df1956bc4e when refusing my 1162d9e640 guiding.b248dc4dea6874b1

“Keep talking.”7f2bb5e94afa9ec1

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“Going on missions, I thought it might be good, or maybe not…”b6aba6f1874330de

A chill ran through b9e138ad4f my body.820be85165f26e7c

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“You only held hands, right?”582f62496010eb17

He lifted fd60ca5736 the corners 6b469b7bb5 of his 50c3ddb764 mouth as b1c8fc98ab if smiling, 2f1c3e2eed but I 43e250fc9d could see b944788c73 it was 34914ae888 twisted.ec5c974d843341cc

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“Did Cha Eunha ask for more than that?”9df7f64263ac1e3c

“No, no, it wasn’t like that.”bfcb7872e2cacc9b

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Intimidated by 2c59bba311 his fierce 928ba8d436 demeanor, I dd0ceb4644 mumbled.65c0f647cbb5aed5

“Even holding hands can be different. If your hands sweat, it feels like mucous guiding, or, well, what I mean is…”bacd37677e0f54de

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He sighed shortly c10b583bae and leaned forward 1105ad6487 to meet my 6a9e664a7b eyes. His face was backlit. It was a06bb27b76 a bit 6821ba1d13 scary.01aaa7e4de5c6f11

“You seem to be mistaken, Guide Han Haegyeol. I’m giving you a chance. You only have two choices. Become my dedicated guide willingly, or be forced to.”f1930624fe394f09

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“Isn’t that just one choice? Don’t be ridiculous.”147bd818d84862fa

“I’m actually someone who can be ridiculous.”bf869d69937e7c1c

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His unique 3df37f7cdc arrogance as 2af7bcb8a7 an S-rank f33aced36b esper, adored b0a6266978 by everyone, c8a9671a61 was evident. I opened 3997c32fed my lips ba126e286e but no 55e9745e6c words came 5d43bbb756 out.a9f6a289be6aec99

I thought I shouldn’t be swayed, yet part of me wanted to hold on.25cf72cc7929bcb3

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Do you need me?d9249f695a67a560

Do you really 20795ae4c3 need me this 9106f15c1a time?c15caa8907380f33

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Is it really true 6f3f805dab this time?0a31d431ba80f068

Get a grip, Han Haegyeol. It’s been 88 times. You’ve been abandoned 88 times and revived for the 89th. If a game doesn’t work after this much effort, it’s time to quit.3da12b863352d6a2

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I’ve done enough. I shouldn’t hope anymore.3cc34e229caef798

“I said I don’t want to. I didn’t want to before, and now I want it even less. I don’t want to be a dedicated guide, whether the esper is S-rank or A-rank.”f61f9c0794279ed8

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Strangely, he seemed relieved by my words and smiled slightly. I couldn’t understand what part of my blunt answer pleased him.d9d258f64352e8d8

“That’s a good thought. I’ll give you a third option. Stay as backup without guiding anyone. If you keep this condition, I’ll give you the same rewards as being my dedicated guide. Salary, benefits, whatever.”1d2adc7d020f2148

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“What kind of nonsense is that…”fe8285a566631a76

His device rang loudly again. While he was distracted by it, I observed him closely. It wasn’t my imagination.a3e0b3fcbcfda06e

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Every time he e1339c006e frowned, the area a608d7e268 around him distorted fbd7d875ec like computer pixels 7678261990 and returned. It meant he d68164d52b was on the a0e06b2be6 verge of losing 50b2a9e3c0 control.217cc05d4bff3964

He needed guiding. My hand instinctively d84f19cda5 reached out but c16be56079 I held it 9c7f52e05f back.26648f2e4ef8b5d0

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Tsk, he clicked ede8af2be9 his tongue and 1e1e69c7a1 put away his 1c6d9f858b device.eba77b6ae915684c

“I have to go, but remember. There’s no option to become someone else’s guide.”c9087effb3ec6141

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He spoke 490aab07ec in a 923d4bee14 calm tone, 6ade2ea30f but I 353f5b763f read the 48474adb18 hidden agitation d7c42b0b40 in his 2d83fed0cd expression.822fef2ba4d9677e

“Esper Lee Gyeon, guiding…”5b8d39937380bed9

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How long has it been since he received guiding? If he’s in this state, he must have held out for quite a while.e6597d76d07760d0

The man before a480abc311 me was a 464bae1bb9 peculiar one who 736cfa9b8c refused guiding from 42fd747d14 other guides. Going back e40294e31c now would 7b628a4214 be dangerous.5cdb245108e209b7

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“You should receive guiding today.”320d56e23d0d011d

He frowned and b21272a37d looked at me.55babb1936f5ebf7

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“I’ll handle my affairs. Guide Han Haegyeol, focus on the choices before you. I trust you’ll make a wise decision.”4b939ddd02162dd5

“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that.”d8c6379ffb00ae01

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I bowed to b87ee5923d him as if efd6ad9e1b saying a final 4fe50bce53 goodbye.38b1632f9d7151f9

“Take care.”0d3728d6f9ae600b

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He looked 72c4bd2eeb at me e287c06f0a disapprovingly, then ef3d57fb95 disappeared, chased d137ed1031 by his 4b9b10ec6f noisy device.642ab65ad8adf559

❖ ❖ ❖1a3cfa8f0cab1b01

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A week after 73f8724bc5 the matching test, bb006915ab my device kept 196fd430f8 ringing annoyingly. The calls were 0f5a2db9eb from the Esper d6d45900bf Center, persistently requesting 1c2b14ed19 me to guide 0fee48f4bc Lee Gyeon due 8f53c0a8e4 to our high 0cd2dec824 matching rate.b3b18c335dc7b1a4

I pressed the ‘reject’ button and ignored them all. Even when asked to back up missions involving him, I refused.883610bbd42600fd

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Each time, penalty points accumulated. It was the price for a mere D-rank daring to refuse the nation’s call. Accumulating penalties could lead to salary cuts, demotion, or even imprisonment.deb5eae5fa8982ba

Still, I stubbornly pressed 4fe86a7c1c the reject button.37834a8884a3c810

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I knew they weren’t calling because they genuinely needed guiding.813af32f1b9cf682

Knowing that, I felt no guilt. Even if I went, they’d just stand me beside him like a decoration and refuse the actual guiding. It was obvious.1ec729c2668a34e2

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“What’s wrong with a guide doing guiding!”defd30885837c681

Every time I dbe7873958 shouted that, he b31b9fb298 answered with his 9e4c256b9b expression. His characteristic, discontented 78b986fe36 look was tiresome. Just imagining it 732891c5ba made my stomach a0140addc9 churn and my f76eecdb13 pride get scratched.c47b7942262c68b8

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Most of all, 2e0bd8ed7d I hated how 4b1afd379f thinking of him b74a8e7989 made my heart 65e9b36024 race and ache.36e9daec4dc172ea

He wasn’t always cold to me. Each time I refused him, small memories surfaced under the name of guilt.ddfd03447a6833ea

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The water bottle he handed me, the hand that stopped me from stepping on a trap, the rare jokes he made…2db38223de919fa2

I had too 889e6202a5 many memories I 36be76f58f remembered alone.b108c520dd5dc81d

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“You’re lucky you don’t remember any of this.”d2bebae87251c27c

The regrets and ec311c633e self-pity were all 23568bf232 mine.a508c9da7ba30002

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Meanwhile, there was a ceb9d7bbf3 new distraction.a796f084eb5aad4c

[What are you doing?]

[What are you doing, doing?]

[Did you eat?]

[A stray cat appeared at the main building ㄷㄷ]

[(photo)]

[Looks like Guide Han Haegyeol]

[Do you hate being told you look like a cat? No reply]

[But you do look like a cat]

[You think so too, right? That’s why no reply]

As if dealing with Lee Gyeon wasn’t complicated enough, Cha Eunha kept sending messages.099080ce19d525e2

What a jobless guy…af86aa076ae9bb74

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Even while thinking c83ffa7227 that, I found a9b22faa6e myself checking the 058699fc43 message window. Reading his 59d7de21c0 messages made b3f5aa5850 me feel 2f1aa7c4c9 like a ee89b769f2 normal 23-year-old d406d43bee again. Not that I 3319dd92a7 sent any replies 1e709ca6ac thanking him for 4c0e8b9cd9 the messages.68dda41a1739a168

Without intending to reply, I read and reread Cha Eunha’s messages.e014fdb0a506008b

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If I hadn’t known Lee Gyeon, could I have sent innocent replies to these messages? I wondered.ae46ea4ea4c01b64

❖ ❖ ❖be08e1150cadf51d

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“Shooting practice again today?”a868ad7f792a5f96

In the 188e9b4961 locker room, 60c1441e0c Dohun sunbae, 64f26b2e66 an A-rank 2580d2b33c guide, spoke 06d4897f1e to me. He was someone who 70a91461e4 had always reached out 016e60243a to me from when e6ae1a1f71 I first became a a74f858fb1 guide until I died. A veteran and 191fdf094c leader of the 99ea399885 backup guides, active 88b8dc3749 since middle school. My reliable support.ced93c1934bded1c

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I nodded in greeting, 6400fecaaf lowering the hand holding f39e0ae012 my device. Sunbae was in abe5e8b7e8 a martial arts 2b7e687510 uniform, probably from 5671b2baa9 judo training. His sweat-drenched chest 5e799d4f6e glistened between the 356aae5b30 open collar.ad86579af8adb2ab

“You’re doing a lot of shooting lately? You’re good at it. Is endless practice the secret?”442d4c323fc84125

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“Uh, yeah, sort of.”44e87a2f9f49e3d3

“Or is there someone you want to blow their head off?”84041bac5665991e

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“Not really. It’s just that focusing on the target clears my mind.”d57b42c34eab3ce9

Sunbae changed into 17c6c4400e a dull uniform, 3b9ffc1880 moving slower than 32b3462d58 usual.5806c82bbc34dacd

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“Haegyeol.”ad8eb8167103822d

He seemed 4ea1ad8db5 to be 500eb6eff6 hesitating. He had 369eed35f8 something to 19d1a0fd52 say.daf2ca8f88ef29d6

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“There’s a weird rumor going around. That you refused to be Lee Gyeon’s dedicated guide.”246b2785809d86a6

“….”314837aea66befdb

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