EOL | Chapter 2.1

The 89th life began.

“I’m alive. Again… Damn, again…”

Today was no different. As soon as I opened my eyes, I realized I had returned. 6:24 AM. The time I wake up is roughly the same.

It felt like I had just returned from a mission, but my body was fine. I lifted my strangely light body, though my shoulders felt heavy. I flinched and looked to my right. There was no blood.

This time, I got bitten on the shoulder and died…

Let’s not think about it. Once I start remembering, memories of how I died in the past flood in, enough to write a book.

For now, it’s important to get through the tasks at hand and escape the cycle of regression.

Before meeting Lee Gyeon, there’s morning training. As a guide, training in handling firearms and bayonets is basic, similar to a soldier’s status.

When I got to the training ground, personal training was in full swing. Dohun sunbae, an A-rank guide, recognized me and approached. I already knew what he was going to say.

Today’s the day, right? The day you meet Lee Gyeon.

“Today’s the day, right? The day you meet Lee Gyeon.”

When I nodded, Dohun sunbae said, You were looking forward to it, aren’t you nervous?

“You were looking forward to it, aren’t you nervous?”

I answered honestly.

“I’m freaking nervous.”

I’m so nervous I want to bolt from the Guide Center and desert.

During training, I mentally prepared what to say to Lee Gyeon. I don’t want to guide, an S-rank is too much for a D-rank, I’ve changed my mind, Lee Gyeon, you’re annoying.

Half of it is a lie, and half is true. I wanted to guide Lee Gyeon. The guiding was something Lee Gyeon had been rejecting. I’m no longer a D-rank. I already achieved S-rank in the 65th regression. But in this life, I’ve been rated D-rank, so I don’t plan to re-evaluate.

If I become S-rank, I’ll just have more work. Even if it’s revealed that I’m S-rank, Lee Gyeon won’t care. Even though the matching rate and rank have increased, the rejection of guiding would be the same.

In the end, my feelings changed… This part was sincere. I no longer wanted to try for Lee Gyeon.

No, I no longer wanted to be rejected. I’d rather be a D-rank nobody who cheers for Lee Gyeon from afar, claiming to be a fan. Even if that’s hypocritical.

And the part about Lee Gyeon being annoying? That’s genuine.

❖ ❖ ❖

The Guide Center on June 8th was just as I remembered. It was crowded. An emergency medical team rushed across the hallway. A returning dispatch team was drenched in sweat. The marble hallway made a nervous sound with each step someone took. In this bustling and lively Guide Center, I was the only one kneeling to a despairing future.

Meeting Room A. This was where Lee Gyeon and I would meet for the first time as esper and guide. My palms were sweaty. I wiped them on my uniform and grabbed the doorknob. Suddenly, I wondered what color tie the researcher was wearing. For some reason, my vision flashed blue.

I opened the door.

A familiar scene awaited me. The researcher standing by the machine, the assistant jotting down notes, and Lee Gyeon frowning and turning his gaze away.

I blurted out while still holding the doorknob.

“I won’t guide.”

Maybe because I practiced, I could say it without stuttering. As I stepped in, I kept repeating to myself: Don’t get soft. Don’t make eye contact. Don’t hit or cling to Lee Gyeon.

A researcher in a white coat approached. The sound of shoes on marble was clear.

“Guide Han Haegyeol?”

“Yes.”

The researcher’s reaction was just as expected.

“This meeting was arranged because you wanted it, so what do you mean you’re suddenly refusing to guide? The opportunity to support an S-rank esper, especially Lee Gyeon, doesn’t come to just anyone.”

I took a step back. Lee Gyeon kept staring at me. As soon as our eyes met, I looked away. His expression, as if puzzled and slightly displeased, made my heart sink. It was a familiar face to me.

‘A look I’ve often seen when refusing to guide. Nothing’s changed.’

My brow furrowed deeply.

“I won’t guide.”

Now it’s my turn to refuse you. With your dog-like behavior, you won’t find a guide like me.

I smirked inwardly.

“Guide Han Haegyeol.”

This time, Lee Gyeon took a step closer. I felt a bit intimidated, but there was nowhere to retreat.

“You called me first.”

“I’m sorry. An S-rank is too much for a D-rank like me…”

“You’re giving up guiding for such a trivial reason?”

“Yes.”

“…”

Why is he just staring at me like that? Is he shocked?

The Lee Gyeon I know would have said, “Do as you please,” and left the workplace lightly.

Staring at me like this is unlike him.

Then he said something unexpected.

“Think again.”

It was completely commanding.

“Be my dedicated guide. You.”

“W-What does that…”

I was more than bewildered; I was flabbergasted. I wanted to ask what he meant, if he liked me, or if he was considering guiding in this life.

Luckily, I came to my senses before blurting out nonsense.

Getting involved with Lee Gyeon means death. Not metaphorically, but literally. Just like how I’ve died before. Miserably.

“I’m sorry. I think it’s too difficult for a D-rank like me to guide an S-rank.”

I spoke firmly. Lee Gyeon’s handsome face twisted slightly.

“Ha…”

He lightly brushed his bangs and made eye contact with me. His body leaned more towards me. I felt like I was being swallowed by a giant shadow. The difference in physique was quite overwhelming. I’ve never been called small as a soldier…

Lee Gyeon turned around and asked the researcher.

“Didn’t you explain? The benefits of a dedicated guide.”

The researcher shrugged while holding the chart. Before he could say anything, Lee Gyeon took a step back from me. He looked down at me with an exploring gaze and extended his hand.

“Do you know how much the salary is for an S-rank dedicated guide? You must know. That’s why you applied, right? Because you want the money or fame.”

I stared at the hand he extended. It was a hand that wouldn’t easily be offered, even if I begged to hold it. Yet here it was, right in front of me.

“You came here to be greedy, didn’t you?”

Lee Gyeon’s hand came closer to me.

“You’ll know once you try guiding. Whether it’s burdensome or doable.”

“I’m fine, really. There’s an old saying that greed leads to the downfall of three generations…”

There’s no such saying.

I took a step back and looked at the researcher. Let’s change the target. The researcher seemed easier to deal with than Lee Gyeon.

“My skills are too lacking to support Lee Gyeon.”

“That can’t be. Your gate clearing scores and training results are outstanding, Guide Han Haegyeol.”

I shook my head modestly, but inwardly I snorted.

Of course. I was the most outstanding talent in the Guide Center. Thanks to my efforts to become Lee Gyeon’s guide.

Though now, what’s the use?

“There’s no one more suitable than you, Guide Han Haegyeol.”

The researcher spoke in a pitiful voice. I shook my head.

“It was all just luck.”

“You’ve hardly ever missed first place in four years.”

“I’m very lucky.”

“No way…”

“I’ve been thinking about the dedicated guide application, but I don’t think it’s right.”

Lee Gyeon withdrew his extended hand and crossed his arms. Our eyes met for a moment. I didn’t avoid it. It felt like a staring contest, and Lee Gyeon didn’t blink. I felt like I was being swallowed by his gray eyes.

“Find another guide.”

I’m sorry.

I left the meeting room as if fleeing.

❖ ❖ ❖

I felt empty somehow. Is this really the end? Rejecting guiding was simpler than I thought, almost disappointingly so.

I skipped meals and afternoon training and holed up in my quarters. Lying on the bed, I stared blankly at the ceiling, trying to catch my breath. Is this really it?

Sunbae came by a few times, probably wondering why I was cooped up in my room. Instead of answering the neat knock, I blocked my ears with music. The songs I liked around this time lined up in my playlist. No matter what song I listened to, my mood didn’t improve.

“Reincarnate with someone else this time.”

Even though Lee Gyeon couldn’t hear, I deliberately said it out loud.

“I’m not doing it.”

It’s already the 89th time. I’ve done enough, haven’t I? If you hadn’t refused the guiding, we…

As I closed my eyes and held my breath, my phone vibrated. Slowly opening my eyes to check, a message from the Guide Center had arrived.

[System Auto Message: Guide Han Haegyeol, a candidate with an expected matching rate of over 90% has been registered. Please enter a date you can visit the center.]

“What?”

An expected matching rate of over 90%. There had never been an esper like this before. I sat up in bed, clutching my phone, reading and rereading the same message.

The message contained no information about the esper. I had no idea who it could be. Throughout my regressions, no esper other than Lee Gyeon had shown a matching rate of 90%, or even 80%, with me.

It’ll probably just be a D-rank, or at best, a B-rank. My arm holding the phone slowly lowered. If I become the dedicated guide for this unknown esper, I won’t have to follow S-rank gates and get hurt. It also strengthens my reason for refusing to guide Lee Gyeon.

As I was about to check the date to meet the esper, the screen changed as soon as I pressed the first button.

[On-site matching scheduled for 9 AM, June 9th.]

“Tomorrow morning, right away?”

That meant the other party had responded immediately upon seeing the message, saying they needed a matching test right away. Was it an esper urgently looking for a guide?

I checked the screen several times, wondering if I had misread it. No matter how I looked, it was indeed tomorrow.

The sooner, the better, I suppose…

In the darkness, only the square screen shone pale.

“Someone other than Lee Gyeon… Have I ever thought about that?”

I couldn’t be sure if I was on the right path.

❖ ❖ ❖

I headed to the Guide Center early in the morning without getting a wink of sleep. If I became the dedicated guide for a new esper, I might have to move accommodations starting today. I had never paired with anyone other than Lee Gyeon.

Is something like that even possible for me?

My hands felt dry and stiff today.

Today, I’ll be guiding in the form of a handshake. It’s the guiding method that places the least burden on both the esper and the guide, and it’s less embarrassing.

But that one handshake could change my future.

Officially, I’m a complete rookie now. Even if I get dispatched on a mission, all I’ve done is shoot to protect espers in the backup team or run around in the rescue team. Just a D-rank.

I was once the team leader of Guide Team 1, but I can’t carry a career certificate through regression.

Now, I can even perform beyond S-rank when it comes to Lee Gyeon.

Even if I guide someone else, the basic skills won’t be different. If the center finds out my true rank, there’s a high chance I’ll be switched to an S-rank esper’s dedicated guide. The chances of running into Lee Gyeon would increase too.

It would be nice if I could retire altogether. So that I don’t have to guide anyone in the center. But that’s impossible.