EMP Chapter 31

Kwon Jiwook suddenly woke up from his sleep. He remembered finishing the day with his ass being pounded, which often led to a deep, unconscious sleep until morning on such days. Struggling with his hazy memory, he barely managed to keep his consciousness from slipping back into slumber. Lifting his heavy eyelids, he saw the faintly blue-lit room.

The spacious master bedroom where dawn light entered was where Kwon Jiwook had spent most of his time recently. It had been quite a while since he moved into this room—maybe two years already? On Kwon Jiwook’s birthday (which he didn’t even know was his birthday), Park Juyeon, for some unknown reason, suggested they share a room. Caught off guard, Kwon Jiwook nodded awkwardly, and he remembered Park Juyeon looking visibly embarrassed.

When asked later why he was so shy about it, Park Juyeon cheekily retorted that starting and ending the day together felt like being a newlywed couple. Kwon Jiwook had no choice but to keep quiet.

For that reason, they shared the same room. No need to worry about nightmares, and being together all the time made him feel less anxious. It was probably Park Juyeon’s way of celebrating his birthday.

“…”

Seeing the daylight in such a winter morning, it must be early morning at least. Kwon Jiwook, contemplating whether to go back to sleep, turned his head to the side. He wanted to take a look at Park Juyeon since he was up early.

“…?”

The spot where Park Juyeon should have been was empty. Feeling the warmth on the crumpled sheet, Kwon Jiwook stared blankly at the vacancy with his still-sleepy eyes, then slowly rolled over to fill the space. Soon after, he sat up, perching on the edge of the bed.

Kwon Jiwook no longer entertained bizarre thoughts like someone installing a CCTV or breaking in to assault him, so even if one side of the bed was suddenly empty now, he didn’t panic or get scared. …Though that didn’t mean he was completely unafraid.

Sitting there with his still-dazed face, he heard a soft conversation from the living room. It wasn’t an auditory hallucination; it was Park Juyeon’s real voice.

“…Yes. …I’m doing some job hunting… like that…”

“…”

“It’s okay. Instead… I want to settle down and live comfortably…”

Though he could hear bits of the conversation, he couldn’t grasp the context. Park Juyeon was speaking in such a low voice, either out of consideration for Kwon Jiwook sleeping or for the neighbors who endured their animal-like moans daily.

What could it be about? With his eyes adjusted to the dim light, Kwon Jiwook looked at the clock on the wall. 6 AM. An ambiguous time, like dawn for unemployed people like him. Park Juyeon was still talking to someone. It seemed like the call would take some time.

Not yet able to relax enough to fall asleep again, Kwon Jiwook eventually dozed off at Park Juyeon’s spot until he returned to the room.

Park Juyeon chewed on warm toast while staring intently at Kwon Jiwook. Even though his hatred had faded, his deep, unfathomable pupils remained the same, making Kwon Jiwook still feel uncomfortable under his gaze. Just when he was getting restless, Park Juyeon’s elegant lips parted.

“Did you wake up for a bit in the morning?”

“Huh?”

“You were dozing off while sitting on the bed. Did something happen?”

Was he staring at him just to ask that? There was no memory of doing anything wrong. Kwon Jiwook felt relieved inside as he cut into his fried egg with chopsticks. When there was no answer, Park Juyeon added,

“When I came in, you were almost asleep in my spot.”

“Did I do that? You never said I had sleepwalking habits.”

“You were sleeping after sitting on the bed and then falling over to the side.”

“I don’t remember that…”

“…”

Suddenly, Park Juyeon’s face turned pale. He placed his white hand over Kwon Jiwook’s hand holding the chopsticks and asked seriously,

“…What is it this time? Let me prepare my heart in advance.”

“…”

“Perhaps… sleepwalking?”

“Yah.”

As Kwon Jiwook tensed his jaw in annoyance, Park Juyeon quickly added,

“No, I’m not joking. Seriously.”

“No. No! Fuck, no!”

“Oh, okay. If it’s not, then it’s not. Why are you swearing?”

They had been to the psychiatrist several times at Park Juyeon’s insistence. But being misunderstood as having another mental illness on top of the diagnosed one was something Kwon Jiwook did not want. After a playful tug-of-war, Park Juyeon chuckled and ruffled Kwon Jiwook’s already messy hair into a complete disarray.

He’s treating me like a mental patient… Kwon Jiwook pouted while poking at his Vienna sausage. But thinking about it, he might have been waiting for Park Juyeon in that half-asleep state.

“Oh, now that I think about it, I heard you talking on the phone outside this morning, so I thought about going out…”

“And then?”

“I fell asleep again.”

“You fell asleep again?”

“Yeah.”

“Ah, I see.”

As Park Juyeon blinked, his long eyelashes fluttered. He seemed like he wanted to say more but stuffed the remaining toast into his mouth and closed it.

To think he managed to stay in that spot even after realizing Park Juyeon’s sudden absence; there was hope in the gradual improvement of Kwon Jiwook’s mental health over the past few years. However, there was also a sense of disappointment, and Park Juyeon’s mind momentarily entertained the thought—what if Kwon Jiwook completely recovered and they went back to how things were, wasting all the time and money spent?

Maybe sensing his mixed feelings, Kwon Jiwook mumbled,

“You weren’t going anywhere anyway.”

“How could you be so sure I wouldn’t leave you behind?”

“…”

Even as a jest, he didn’t want to hear such words, but the one in front of him wasn’t the type to listen when told not to say something. Kwon Jiwook kept his gaze on his plate, giving a vague answer.

“I don’t know. I just felt that way.”

“Wow, you’re really stupid.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“Now you’re even talking back.”

“I’m not.”

“Oh? What’s this, talking back?”

Park Juyeon sucked in air between his teeth warningly, then tugged at a few strands of Kwon Jiwook’s bangs with his thumb and index finger. Kwon Jiwook winced and let out a small groan.

“Ah. Yah, even dogs don’t bother you when you’re eating.”

“I want to bother you.”

Park Juyeon’s pretty eyes and the corners of his mouth curved into a playful smile.

At twenty-six, the quiet before the storm had dissipated from him. The dangerous intensity that seemed like he would do something big had mellowed into a mix of relaxation and cheerfulness. Park Juyeon, who had gained some composure, seemed much more mature compared to Kwon Jiwook, who was still stuck in his place.

Suddenly, his injured nipple stung as it brushed against his t-shirt. His personality had become gentler, but was his habit of getting violent during sex something that couldn’t be fixed? Kwon Jiwook naturally ignored his conditioned sexual response and just thought about silly things.

“…”

Come to think of it, it’s been five years already.

Park Juyeon’s life graph was on an upward trend. Given his ups and downs, there would always be fluctuations, but today’s sensitivity was less than a few months ago, and even a few months ago, it was less sharp than before. In short, his lows were getting higher. This was something Kwon Jiwook naturally learned since he had been focusing most of his attention on Park Juyeon.

Since taking on the massive burden of Kwon Jiwook’s life, he had seemed to give up on everything, but now, at least on the outside, he was acting like a completely normal person.

“I’m graduating today.”

“What?”

Surprised by the unexpected announcement, Kwon Jiwook responded abruptly.

“Then take me with you.”

“What for? It’s just a graduation ceremony. I’ll just go and get my diploma.”

“Isn’t there stuff like throwing hats at a graduation ceremony? And drinking… Huh? You’re just going to get your diploma?”

Park Juyeon looked at Kwon Jiwook, who had a dumbfounded expression, with a look of disdain.

“What’s with the talk of drinking in your situation? Are you the one graduating? Or do you just want to use it as an excuse to drink?”

“No…”

“Besides, with whom? …Don’t tell me you’re in contact with someone? You’re supposed to tell me about all your contacts, even now. You seem to have gotten a bit lax lately. Don’t tell me you are, bro?”

“Yah, Juyeon, I don’t have anyone to contact, and besides, everyone else has already graduated…”

“Oh, so because I seem to be letting you off the hook a bit, you’re thinking of sneaking out?”

“No, fuck. Let me speak!”

Kwon Jiwook’s voice rose in response to Park Juyeon’s sharp and annoying remarks.

“Yah, while living with you, all I’ve done is crawl like a dog. Have I ever sucked another guy’s dick or done anything? I was just asking if they do that at graduations, not that I want to do it! Fuck, I even don’t want to!”

“…”

“…”

“Ah…”

Even though Park Juyeon had matured, he was still Park Juyeon. As a look of displeasure slowly spread across his pretty face, Kwon Jiwook’s heart sank slightly.

“No, so don’t misunderstand, okay?”

“…”

There was a long exchange of looks. After a silent battle with the now gloomy beauty, Kwon Jiwook’s energy drained away, and he quietly lowered his tail, nodding.

“…Yeah, sorry. I was wrong. Do you want to hit me with a fist or an open hand?”

“Forget it. Have you finished eating? I’ll clean up.”

“Yeah.”

As Park Juyeon moved the empty dishes one by one, he glanced at Kwon Jiwook’s drooping head. Despite the loud voice, the content was somewhat pleasing.

By the way, graduation ceremonies are supposed to be boring, right? Tapping his finger beside the sink, Park Juyeon eventually sighed and gave in.

“I really can’t understand what’s going on in your head. Why get so worked up over this… right?”

“That’s… because you misunderstood first. I really don’t plan to do anything with anyone else.”

“I get it, so go get dressed.”

“Huh?”

“You look like a kid who didn’t get a birthday present; it’s making me feel sad. I’ll take you with me, so get dressed.”

“Oh, oh. Yeah. Got it.”

Park Juyeon turned away casually to finish cleaning the table. Surprised by the unexpected response, Kwon Jiwook stared at his back before heading to the dressing room.

Given his current situation, Kwon Jiwook was amazed by Park Juyeon, who had finished university life without a single complaint. He was even the valedictorian. Therefore, Kwon Jiwook believed that ‘graduation’ held significant meaning for Park Juyeon after four years of hard work, and if something was important in his life, he wanted to experience it together.

Perhaps rather than being excited about the graduation ceremony itself, this reason might have been more significant. Kwon Jiwook had been with him even during the negative events of Park Juyeon’s childhood, even if he was the cause of them.

“…”

Something important in life.

Kwon Jiwook fell into thought for a moment. The ideal life cycle he imagined was similar to the conventional developmental tasks the older generation in Korea desired. Even if he ended up like this, it was uncertain how long Park Juyeon, who had money and decent interpersonal relationships, would live like this.

After graduation comes employment, after employment comes marriage. Eventually, Park Juyeon would start walking down the conventional path that everyone has paved, starting with university graduation. Even if not that path, Park Juyeon’s family would not want to see their well-raised son entangled with a dark man like him in such a perverse way.

Every time he felt the distortion of Park Juyeon’s life due to him, guilt would come. However, Kwon Jiwook had no intention of letting him go. Without Park Juyeon, he would surely revert to days trembling in fear, barely able to breathe. For Park Juyeon… well, he didn’t know what he meant to him.

“Fuck, since when did I start living with such thoughts.”

He hated complexity, but since they started living together…

Less than five seconds after muttering this aloud, he was thinking about Park Juyeon again. Don’t think. Just don’t think about it, you bastard. Let’s not live complicated lives.

Kwon Jiwook hit his head hard and then, choosing a black turtleneck, jeans, and a suede jacket instead of a choker, he composed his expression before leaving the room. Park Juyeon, who had finished the dishes, was waiting with arms crossed at the door.

“What were you doing in there? I heard a thud.”

“…Nothing. I got dressed.”

“Really?”

Seeming to think Kwon Jiwook was acting strange today, Park Juyeon entered the dressing room with a puzzled look.

He came out quickly, wearing a hoodie and a coat, looking both like a university student and cute. In his casual, cozy appearance, Kwon Jiwook bit his lower lip, staring at him. Despite his fists and mouth of terror, wrapped up like this, he looked cute.

When their eyes met, Park Juyeon raised an eyebrow and nodded towards the door.

“If you’re dressed, let’s go. Stop staring like that.”

“How was I staring?”

“Like you’re dying to fuck me.”

“…”

“Not that? Hmm… Maybe the look of wanting to fuck in the lecture hall for the first time in a while?”

“What’s the difference between the two?”

“It’s the difference between ‘right now’ and ‘later.'”

To be honest, since they had had sex at the university before, just imagining it made his lower abdomen tingle. Just before blood rushed to his groin, Kwon Jiwook quickly composed his facial muscles and headed to the entrance. Park Juyeon followed with a relaxed smile.

They got into the car and headed to the school, familiar with the routine. This winter was unusually warm, with little snow, but now the sky was dumping snow as if to make up for it.

Kwon Jiwook leaned his head against the car window, glancing at Park Juyeon. He was handling the steering wheel as gracefully as his face, only slightly frowning his brows and nose bridge when someone performed a flashy maneuver. Unless something special happened, his reactions were calm and without a single curse word, even in driving, very much like Park Juyeon.

“Why?”

“Huh?”

“Why are you looking at me so weirdly? Want to have car sex?”

“Are you crazy…?”

Kwon Jiwook chuckled and leaned his head back against the window. The mention of car sex reminded him of the handcuffs they had left on the car’s ceiling handle because it was too bothersome to remove. Glancing back at the backseat, there they were. When they hit a red light, Park Juyeon laughed, seeing Kwon Jiwook’s red ears close by.

“Just wait a little. After I get my diploma, I’ll do whatever you want.”

“What, what do you mean by whatever I want?”

Kwon Jiwook straightened his posture and kneaded the stiff nape of his neck. More than that, he was curious why Park Juyeon, who didn’t seem particularly interested in the graduation ceremony, insisted on attending to get his diploma.

“…Anyway. But do you really need the diploma? Honestly, it’s not even useful.”

“Not useful? It’s for my future.”

In reality, university graduation ceremonies didn’t hold much prestige for the current generation, and diplomas could be received by mail. However, Park Juyeon stubbornly started the car, saying he didn’t want his home address revealed. Kwon Jiwook also disliked strangers, and Park Juyeon had become secretive about anything related to him for some time now.

Do companies these days require a diploma rather than a certificate of graduation for submission? Kwon Jiwook had questions but didn’t know how to ask. As the light changed and Park Juyeon drove slightly faster than the speed limit, he opened up.

“My father told me to bring the diploma.”

“Your father? Your dad?”

“Yes. I was supposed to move back home when I turned twenty-six.”

“Uh…”

Kwon Jiwook couldn’t say anything. He stared blankly ahead with wide eyes, having heard an unexpected story. Only Park Juyeon was humming a tune in the silence.