EMP Chapter 19

Ugh, it’s so cold. The annual cold snap during the college entrance exam season didn’t miss its mark this year either. How could the weather get this freezing just because the Suneung is coming up? I’m already freezing to death now, and I’m worried sick about what’s to come.

I clutched a rapidly cooling hand warmer in my hand and shook it vigorously. It had already done its job and wasn’t emitting any more heat. Even so, I didn’t throw it away but tucked it back into my pocket, holding onto it tightly.

Some items have value simply by existing, and this hand warmer was one of them. Just holding it in my hand made me feel oddly reassured.

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I had arrived early in the morning to reserve a spot at the library. On my way back after lunch, I spotted people aimlessly wandering with their bags slung over their shoulders, and I couldn’t help but let out a quiet giggle. Serves them right! I smugly thought to myself, knowing I had a seat waiting for me. Of course, I wouldn’t say that out loud. With a brisk pace, I headed toward the building entrance when it happened.

“Hey, you.”

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A cocky, low-pitched voice called out. I didn’t bother turning around. First, the voice was unfamiliar, and second, there was no reason for anyone to call out to me here, even if the back entrance of the library was relatively deserted. So, I simply kept my hand tightly wrapped around the hand warmer in my pocket and quickened my steps.

But the arrogant, threatening voice came again almost immediately.

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“You ignoring me? Hey, the one in the light blue jacket. Yeah, you.”

“……”

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The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. No way, in a secluded place like this, with a voice like that… it had to be a bully. A delinquent! What the hell was a bully doing at the library!?

I couldn’t even muster the courage to turn around, frozen stiff where I stood. The building was just one step away, but I couldn’t take that step. I stood there trembling, paralyzed.

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Mom, I’m scared! I’m sixteen, and I don’t want to get shaken down for money by a bully! Besides, isn’t this the kind of thing that lands you in the police station these days? While I was silently crying out in despair, I heard footsteps crunching on the gravel, getting closer and closer behind me.

“You’re really not going to answer me, huh?”

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“WAAAH!”

The boy, who had approached in an instant, spoke from directly behind me, his voice dripping with derisive laughter. A chill shot down my spine from the nape of my neck to my toes. I was so startled that my heart gave a small, shocked thud, and I ended up spinning around and jumping back in alarm.

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“……!”

“Cute. Huh? You look just like a little fox.

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Our eyes met. The boy grinned as if he had been waiting for this moment. A refreshing, perhaps mischievous smile spread across his lips as he suddenly grabbed my wrist. In the blink of an eye, he pulled me close, slinging his arm over my shoulders. His actions left me stiff and frozen in place. When his weight shifted onto me, my body, still in shock, naturally tilted forward.

“Hey, if anyone comes, just act like we’re friends. Got it? If you snitch, I’ll hunt you down and beat you to a pulp, so keep that in mind.”

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“Y-Yes!?”

The boy had a strikingly handsome smile. …Although the content of his words was miles apart from his fresh and charming face, the smile itself was dazzling. I managed to steady my racing heart. Handsome or not, I was terrified. With tears welling up, I shouted in desperation. Even if it made me seem pathetic, I had no choice.

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“I-I don’t have any money! R-Really, I don’t!”

“Ah, this little idiot… Hey, shut up. I said shut up!”

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The echoes of my frantic voice bounced off the three-sided walls of the parking lot, amplifying the sound. The boy’s smile disappeared in an instant, replaced by a deadly glare as he barked at me. It was astonishing how quickly his expression could shift. A chill ran up my cheeks.

Even after scolding me, he glanced around cautiously, so it wasn’t like he was entirely oblivious to his surroundings. But still, couldn’t he just leave me alone and go away? I silently prayed.

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Then suddenly, his arm around my shoulders tightened.

“Gasp…”

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“Shhh… It’s fine, it’s fine. I’m not gonna hit you. Look, I’m just bored because I brought some dumb junior here to study, alright? If you can just help me out a little, we’ll both be fine. Got it? All I need is enough to hit up the PC bang, nothing more, nothing less.”

I don’t know! I don’t care! Why are you even saying all this to me? It’s none of my business!

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My internal screams went unheard. The delinquent dragged me to a secluded corner of the library’s parking lot. As I was pulled along, both my hands—one clutching a hand warmer and the other gripping my phone—grew damp with sweat. Sticky sweat trickled between my fingers.

Maybe my trembling seemed pathetic because, at some point, the boy looked down at me and chuckled. I pretended not to notice, though it only made me feel more humiliated.

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Ah, geez. I’m so sorry for mocking all of you who didn’t have a seat earlier. Could someone, anyone, please come out to the back entrance? Just one person, please? As I nervously glanced at the corner of the building, hoping someone would appear, the boy stepped into my line of sight with a sly grin. He looked like something straight out of a horror movie.

“Let’s cut to the chase, alright? How much do you have?”

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“N-Nothing! I really don’t! I just went out to grab some food!”

“Oh, really? By the way, do you know something?”

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The boy slowly approached, grabbing both of my pockets where I had my hands stuffed.

“Let me enlighten you since you seem clueless. These days, it’s not like one hit for ten won or a hundred won anymore. You just get beaten up however much we feel like it, every time we feel like it.”

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“W-Why are you doing this to me…?”

All I did was stop by a convenience store for a quick meal. I wasn’t prepared to face this kind of ordeal. His grip on my hands was too strong. Out of fear, I reluctantly pulled my hands out of my pockets.

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In one hand, I had a tightly clenched hand warmer. In the other, my phone. The boy’s face gradually twisted into a scowl before he smirked and spoke with a mocking tone.

“Really, you’ve got nothing on you?”

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“I told you, I don’t! I’m really broke! I can’t even afford a private study room, so I just come to the library!”

It was a lie. But at this moment, I needed to emphasize as strongly as possible that I had no money. The boy looked down at me with an incredulous smirk. His gaze swept over me from head to toe, clearly assessing if there was anything worth taking.

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He spat on the ground, then yanked the hand warmer right out of my grasp.

“Hey, hey!”

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“What the hell? Why are you carrying around something that’s already cold? Damn, it’s freezing, and this thing’s completely useless.”

He tapped my head lightly with his index finger as he spoke. I was still too tense to respond properly, my shoulders hunched, my gaze fixed downward. Despite that, I secretly scanned his appearance from top to bottom.

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The internet’s infamous “spine breaker” was right here in front of me. A pricey red down jacket hung loosely over his upper body, paired with snug black pants below. And on his feet? White three-stripe slides. Seriously, no wonder you’re cold wearing those.

I could feel his eyes boring into the crown of my head.

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“A guy who says he’s out for food but claims to have no money? That make sense to you?”

“My mom gave me exactly 2,000 won today to buy ramen and kimbap….”

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“Are you kidding me? Who the hell walks around all day with just 2,000 won?”

“Uh… me….”

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“This little punk, huh? You’re really something.”

For the record, having only 2,000 won on me was the truth. The rest of my money, including my wallet, was back at my seat in the reading room. I had only brought 2,000 won for lunch.

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Suddenly, a clenched fist flew toward me. As the world’s biggest coward, I screamed, “Aaaaah!” even though the punch didn’t actually connect. My shout echoed loudly through the parking lot, causing the boy to hesitate, his fist stopping just above my head.

“I didn’t even hit you.”

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“But you were about to!”

“Hah…”

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Through the gap between my raised arms, I could see his face. He looked down at me with a mix of annoyance and exasperation, as if his day wasn’t going as planned. Then he let out a small laugh. I remained crouched in an awkward, half-curled posture.

“You’re funny.”

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“What?”

“You’re kind of cheeky, but not in a way that pisses me off.”

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His face, full of mischief, left me wondering if I’d stumbled into some kind of drama scene. If you’re going to say things like that, at least stop glaring at me! I swallowed my pride and asked hesitantly.

“So… can I go now…?”

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“What are you talking about? I said you’re funny, didn’t I? You have to keep me entertained.”

“But… I need to… study…”

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Just for the record, I’ve never once fallen out of the top ten in my class rankings.

“Studying, studying—why the hell are all you kids obsessed with studying? It’s driving me nuts.”

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“…….”

I didn’t have anything to say. I didn’t have the energy to respond to his grumbling and just wanted to hurry back into the library. So I tossed out a random comment.

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“If you hate studying so much… then why are you here?”

It wasn’t until after I said it that I realized I’d used informal language. Oh well. If he’s a middle schooler, informal speech fits; if he’s in high school, well, I guess I’ll get smacked for it. That resigned attitude showed how much I’d mentally checked out of the situation. Thankfully, he didn’t seem to care.

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“Helping a younger kid study.”

“Oh… okay.”

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“I told you earlier, but you didn’t even listen, huh? Completely spaced out….”

“Oh, no, sorry.”

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Feeling awkward, I scratched the back of my neck. I couldn’t fathom what kind of delinquent would bother teaching anyone anything. He must’ve found it funny too, as he chuckled to himself before asking me a question.

“What do you think I was teaching him?”

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“Huh? Uh… math? English? Science?”

It was the obvious answer. Despite his good looks, his face still had a boyish charm to it. He seemed about my age, or at the youngest, a middle schooler. But he chuckled lowly, his voice deep, and his sharp, narrowing eyes caught my attention.

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“Sure, normally it’d be something like that.”

“Why are you saying that like it’s so ominous? You’re acting weird….”

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“When did I ever? I just left him for a bit. That kid’s probably waiting for me.”

“Yeah, right! Then hurry back to him!”

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I eagerly replied, hoping this would be my way out. But the boy frowned, clearly displeased with my quick response, and I shrank back instinctively.

“Jeez, this sucks. It’s cold, and I need to study….”

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“Hey, I can hear you. Shut your damn mouth.”

“Sh-shut my…”

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“A broke little punk like you sure talks a lot of crap, huh?”

Wow, he’s got sharp ears. He’d somehow caught the words I’d muttered under my breath. Glaring at me, he pulled a pack of cigarettes from his pocket, placing one between his lips. The motion was so casual and practiced that, for a moment, I thought it might be candy instead.

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The smoke began to curl lazily into the air. Not being a fan of cigarettes, I covered my nose with my puffy jacket sleeve and ducked my head low.

“Hey.”

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The boy, towering at least a head taller than me, tapped my shoulder. Instinctively, I looked up, only to have a puff of smoke blown directly into my face.

“…! Cough, cough, ack!”

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“Idiot.”

The smoke stung my nose and eyes. The acrid cigarette fumes made me cough instinctively, and I glared up at him, teary-eyed from the irritation. Noticing my reddened eyes, he curled his lips into a long, drawn-out smirk.

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“Wanna see?”

“See what?”

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“Aren’t you curious how I teach someone to study?”

It was unexpected, sure. A guy who looked every bit like a delinquent offering to teach someone anything. But no, I wasn’t curious. Not at all. This guy and I weren’t even acquaintances, and all I wanted was to get out of this situation as quickly as possible.

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Even though it wasn’t the answer he wanted, I shook my head quickly. He stared down at me with his dark, unreadable eyes before muttering, “Don’t dodge me.” Then, once again, he blew a puff of smoke straight into my face. His gaze was haughty, chin tilted upward as if daring me to defy him. Too scared to move, I endured the smoke without flinching this time—eyes squeezed shut and breath held tight.

“Boring.”

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“Huh? What?”

“I said, you’re boring.”

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Clearly, he hadn’t gotten the reaction he wanted. After that, he smoked silently for a while, puffing away until three cigarette butts lay burnt out on the ground.

…Maybe he forgot I was here? I glanced at him hesitantly, only to lock eyes with him. He furrowed his brow and glared.

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“Aren’t you leaving?”

“…Can I go?”

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“Yeah. I’m tired of this. Just get lost already.”

Despite his words, his eyes raked over me one last time, clearly checking again to see if I really didn’t have anything valuable. Why he even stopped me in the first place was beyond me. Mumbling under my breath, I quickly turned and left, ignoring the weight of his persistent gaze trailing behind me.

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At the time, I thought I’d never learn his name. I vaguely guessed he was from one of the local schools with bad reputations. And after that, I never ran into him again. We lived in completely different worlds, after all.

It wasn’t until high school that I found out his name—Kwon Jiwook, a name I learned through whispers and hearsay.

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I never expected to meet him again in college. But to him, I must have been nothing more than a passing amusement back then. He didn’t recognize me, of course. Why would he? I was just another unremarkable face among the crowd.

Even now, his youthful face remains vivid in my memory. Thinking of his face brings back the snippets of our strange conversation, which in turn brings back the drunken night we ran into each other at a party. And from there, I follow the thread of memories, winding through time, until I arrive at the present—at the situation he’s in now.

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“……”

The hand gripping the doorknob trembled slightly. But I couldn’t back out now. I had come too far, and I’d already spoken up. Back then, we’d lived in different worlds. I had no notable power, no connections. Yet now, the one person I knew who held any sway stood right in front of me.

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Through the crack in the door, the man looked down at me, raising one eyebrow lazily. Forcing my trembling lips to move, I managed to speak.

“…I need a favor. Think of it as saving someone’s life. Please help me, okay?”

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Upon hearing my first words, the man’s lips curled into a relaxed smile.

* * *

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After that day, when he’d recklessly stood up to Park Juyeon, if we were to look back on Kwon Jiwook’s routine, it went something like this:

First and foremost, the pseudo-freedom he had briefly gained through clumsy schemes was, of course, taken away. Kwon Jiwook was once again shoved back into that suffocating room. Even as he limped painfully, Park Juyeon didn’t so much as acknowledge it, instead throwing him onto the bed. His knees ached, but the pain in his heart throbbed even more.

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The collar he’d been wearing like a choker now had a long leash attached to it, fastened to the bedside. The leash was barely two meters long, restricting even the smallest movements. Just that was enough to make Kwon Jiwook feel claustrophobic. It was bad enough being confined to a room, but now he couldn’t even move freely.

As Kwon Jiwook lay sprawled out, blankly staring up at Park Juyeon, the man disappeared into the living room for a moment. When he returned, he was holding a pee pad. He made a show of laying it down in the corner—but laying it down was an overstatement. He merely tossed it onto the floor. Kwon Jiwook couldn’t even muster a bitter laugh. Truly, Park Juyeon was a man of extremes, ruled entirely by his moods.

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At first, he had fought back desperately, horrified. But humans are creatures of adaptation. Bombarded by constant violence and inescapable bodily functions, Kwon Jiwook grew used to it quickly. What he could never get used to, however, were the eyes. Every time Park Juyeon cleaned the pad, he would look at him with a mixture of disgust, pity, and contempt. No matter how much shame and sorrow he felt, even daring to show defiance in his gaze felt like a sin in front of him.

If I’m going to live like this, not even human, maybe I should just bite my tongue and end it.

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The will to endure humiliation and survive, just to one day spite Park Juyeon, had long since faded. He was simply too exhausted.

But before he could fully sink into that thought, Park Juyeon, as if reading his mind, stuffed his rolled-up underwear into Kwon Jiwook’s mouth and sealed it with duct tape. Then he pummeled his face repeatedly. When he finally stopped, Kwon Jiwook’s face and the sheets were soaked with blood from his nose. His cheekbones and jaw throbbed with pain, but at least, thanks to the makeshift gag, his teeth hadn’t been knocked out. Small mercies.

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Park Juyeon behaved exactly as he had the day he first brought Kwon Jiwook here. The only difference now was that Kwon Jiwook no longer resisted. And yet, for the pettiest reasons—simply because something displeased him—Park Juyeon would violate him with various objects, stretching him to his limits and beyond. Recently, he’d tried to insert his fist, terrifying Kwon Jiwook into blacking out.

“Damn it, there’s no way it’ll go in.”

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Kwon Jiwook remembered Park Juyeon muttering under his breath, punctuated by slaps to his cheek. He wasn’t wrong. The entrance, raw and inflamed, stung even at the lightest touch. Every time Park Juyeon tried to force something in, Kwon Jiwook would thrash and recoil in pain. But Park Juyeon had no obligation—or inclination—to care.

In hindsight, the earlier days had been better. At least when he didn’t resist, he’d been treated more kindly. All he had to do was endure for a little while and play along with Park Juyeon’s whims, and he’d get a smile in return.

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Was choosing to leave the house a mistake? Picking up Kim Suhyeok’s call? Or maybe it all started when he foolishly asked to use the phone?

Endless, useless thoughts began flooding his mind, eventually overwhelming him, eating away at his sanity. Each time Park Juyeon threw a punch, raised his hand, or forcibly invaded him, all Kwon Jiwook could do was cry. It wasn’t about the intensity of the abuse anymore. It was his own breaking spirit.

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For a fleeting moment before that fateful night, he had felt a hint of gentleness in Park Juyeon—a warmth in the sunlit living room. Even if it had been an illusion, it was peace nonetheless. And because of his own misstep, that fleeting peace had vanished in an instant.

He didn’t wish to rewind to a time before meeting Park Juyeon. That was too much to ask. He only wanted to go back a few days. Just a little—back to that moment of fleeting calm.

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Curled up on the bed, Kwon Jiwook cradled his head and face in his arms. If he didn’t cling to these desperate thoughts, he feared he’d lose his mind entirely. The sound of the door opening broke through the stillness, followed by a constant presence behind him, watching him. His curled-up body trembled ever so slightly, beyond his control.

“Eat this.”

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“……”

Though his body seemed paralyzed with fear, Kwon Jiwook didn’t respond to Park Juyeon’s words. Park Juyeon scoffed at the sight of his trembling back.

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What good had come from being kind to him, only to see this pathetic display? That misplaced kindness had only emboldened Kwon Jiwook, making him forget his place. Park Juyeon sighed heavily and ran a hand through his hair.

“Eat.”

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The tone of his voice, as if suppressing some deeper emotion, prompted Kwon Jiwook to unsteadily shift. His eyes, swollen from crying or from the beating—he wasn’t sure which—instinctively lowered as soon as they met Park Juyeon’s gaze, fixing instead on the dog bowl on the floor. This wasn’t even fit for animals. He didn’t have the strength to mock it, even silently.

When Kwon Jiwook just kept his head hung low, Park Juyeon lightly smacked the back of his head and asked, his tone openly mocking:

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“Are you trying to starve yourself to death now? Making a statement?”

“…Wouldn’t you be happy if I did? Wouldn’t it make things easier for you?”

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There it was again. That same line. Park Juyeon let out a soft, weary laugh and pressed his fingers against his temples.

“It wouldn’t make me feel better.”

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“If it wouldn’t, then what’s this? Why are you doing this? What else could this be if not an attempt to kill me?”

“If I wanted you dead, Hyung, you’d already be dead. I’d have killed you and gone to jail.”

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As he spoke, his expression betrayed his own exhaustion. His features were shadowed, his gaze heavier, adding a sense of decadence to his presence. The sharp, lively demeanor he usually carried had been absent for days now. Only Kwon Jiwook, too wrapped up in his own misery, failed to notice.

“Why are you doing this?” Park Juyeon knew he’d eventually have to answer that question. But after being branded a liar by Kwon Jiwook, he doubted any explanation would be accepted.

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A wave of futility washed over him. Was memory always so fragile, so easy to erase?

“……”

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Park Juyeon frowned slightly, as if about to speak, his lips parting, but the words didn’t come. In the end, all that escaped was a muttered curse. Kwon Jiwook clutched his head and shut his eyes tightly.

How long had it been? The sudden slam of the door startled Kwon Jiwook, making his head snap up. To his surprise, nothing happened. Park Juyeon hadn’t laid a hand on him but had stormed out instead.

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“…Ha…”

Only then did Kwon Jiwook notice the trembling in his body. Trying to calm his pounding heart, he sat up on the bed, letting out a shaky breath. To think he had ended up groveling in fear, trapped under the thumb of someone so deranged. He clenched his teeth, but there was nothing he could do.

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Whatever the past had been, he couldn’t understand why Park Juyeon looked at him as though burdened by some inexplicable frustration. If it were so important, why not just spit it out? He wanted to grab him by the collar and demand an answer. But the mere thought of Park Juyeon was enough to make his body shrink back instinctively. This was, after all, what Park Juyeon excelled at—draining the life out of people.

How many days had it been since he returned to this room? Counting the days by Park Juyeon’s comings and goings, as he once did, had long lost its meaning. He no longer had a reason—or even the will—to count. There was a time when he’d welcome Park Juyeon as the only other person entering the room. That time was long gone.

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Now, he didn’t want to see anyone. He just wanted to rot away, alone in this room.

The memories of the day he met Lee Woojin, Lee Sangjin, and Kim Suhyeok kept replaying in his mind. Perhaps those memories had distorted over time or had gaps where details were forgotten, but they were the last fragments that allowed him to reflect. Without them, he might already have become nothing more than a living corpse.

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Whether it was from the aftermath of being struck the night before or from not eating properly, even sitting still on the bed made him feel dizzy. His head throbbed as if it were splitting apart.

Was the human body always this fragile? Kwon Jiwook murmured under his breath.

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“Is it because I’m sick that I’m so weak… or am I sick because I’m so weak…?”

After meeting Lee Woojin, long-forgotten memories of his school days began resurfacing. Lee Woojin and Kwon Jiwook had been the worst of enemies. Whenever they happened to cross paths, one would inevitably provoke the other. What followed were brutal fistfights, often so severe they ended up in the hospital.

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This animosity and lingering grudges piled up over time, to the point where their encounters always escalated into life-threatening battles. Their fights spread between groups, turned into brawls between schools, drew the attention of the police, and became the talk of their surroundings. That was the nature of things between Lee Woojin and Kwon Jiwook.

But at some point, Lee Woojin disappeared from Kwon Jiwook’s life.

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Why? He couldn’t quite remember. Did he even know the reason? Lee Woojin had simply vanished. Those who didn’t know the full story speculated that Lee Woojin had been defeated by Kwon Jiwook. Initially puzzled, Kwon Jiwook eventually began to believe the rumor himself.

“Lee Woojin lost to Kwon Jiwook.” That’s how rumors worked.

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Squinting his swollen eyes even further, Kwon Jiwook tried to think for the first time in a long while, but his head spun. He collapsed backward with a thud.

“At this rate, I might really die.”

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The words slipped out before he realized it, and Kwon Jiwook froze, holding his breath to listen for any sound outside. What if Park Juyeon had overheard him? Knowing him, he might burst in with a stick, telling him to hurry up and die.

Only after confirming the silence in the living room did Kwon Jiwook let out a sigh of relief.

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“…This is driving me insane.”

Even after all that sleep, drowsiness washed over him again. His exhausted body surrendered to slumber in an instant.

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* * *

“Are you protesting about dying again today?”

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“…”

“You know, every time I bathe you, I can feel it. Hyung, you’re getting lighter. Don’t you think it’s kind of pathetic to keep getting beaten up for leaving food behind? You’re not a picky-eating toddler.”

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Lying flat on the bed, staring at the ceiling, Kwon Jiwook rolled over to the other side upon hearing the familiar voice. “Picky eating,” they said, as if anyone could stomach the food that came in that dog bowl. Even someone starving for days would lose their appetite at the sight.

“Don’t want to eat?”

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“…”

Still lying with his back turned, Kwon Jiwook nodded faintly. The dog bowl at the foot of the bed remained untouched. The meal that had been prepared was left entirely uneaten. Park Juyeon playfully furrowed his brow at the sight.

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“So you are protesting.”

The clinking sound of something being set down on the bedside table broke the silence. A moment later, Park Juyeon began gently rubbing Kwon Jiwook’s back with his palm, the bruises mottling his skin making the touch cautious yet deliberate. Feeling the hand on his back, Kwon Jiwook half-turned and glanced up at Park Juyeon. His attempt to act indifferent was transparent to Park Juyeon.

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“Doesn’t seem like you’re a fan of the food.”

“…”

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“Have you decided not to respond to me anymore?”

The mattress shifted slightly. Feeling the presence drawing closer, Kwon Jiwook reflexively tensed his shoulders. Park Juyeon, now seated on the edge of the bed, leaned down and bit firmly at Kwon Jiwook’s ear. A stifled groan escaped despite his best effort to suppress it, and Kwon Jiwook squeezed his eyes shut.

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…At least he wasn’t gagged this time. Still, he worried about getting hit and losing a molar.

Contrary to his fears, Park Juyeon didn’t go any further. Instead, he lightly rubbed the ear he’d bitten, his fingers moving in slow circles. Soon, his hand came around to gently caress Kwon Jiwook’s swollen cheek, even playfully pressing it a few times.

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“Ugh!”

The sharp pain made Kwon Jiwook flinch and pull his head back without opening his eyes. But then the hand resumed stroking his face, confusing him further. What was this?

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Someone exposed to relentless violence learns to react instinctively, even to minor gestures. Kwon Jiwook’s breathing grew uneven with anxiety. That warm hand brushing against his wounds might, at any moment, turn violent again.

Thud. Thud. His heartbeat quickened. Why was Park Juyeon suddenly acting like this? Unease mingled with a faint, creeping hope. Yet he couldn’t relax; his body remained tense, its reaction automatic.

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He couldn’t tell how long it had been since he was confined to this room again, but this was the first gentle touch he’d felt in what seemed like forever. In the past, he’d kept track of time by how often Park Juyeon came and went, always clad in black. These days, even that was absent, so perhaps it hadn’t even been a full week.

A trembling sigh escaped Kwon Jiwook’s lips.

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Park Juyeon, catching the sound, chuckled softly.

“Do you miss getting hit?”

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“N-no.”

“Then should I keep touching you like this?”

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“…Mm.”

Kwon Jiwook murmured faintly, his voice barely audible. At that, Park Juyeon shifted his hand to stroke Kwon Jiwook’s hair, his touch slow and deliberate. An unfamiliar sensation stirred in Kwon Jiwook’s chest, leaving him unsettled. Was it disgust? No, it was far more complicated than that.

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…Park Juyeon really was a cruel bastard.

If he truly despised him, he shouldn’t act like this.

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He had a way of tearing apart Kwon Jiwook’s body and soul at will, only to worm his way into the ragged cracks of his broken spirit. He destroyed even the pride Kwon Jiwook had clung to as his last bastion, leaving him with no choice but to rely on him. It was nothing short of psychological torment.

And yet, Kwon Jiwook knowingly allowed it. No matter how much his body ached or how much he despised himself for it, the only person who remained by his side was Park Juyeon. Even if that wasn’t by his own choice.

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Slowly, Kwon Jiwook turned his body and pressed his swollen cheek against Park Juyeon’s hand. Exhaling hot breaths onto his palm, he rubbed his tear-streaked eyes against Park Juyeon’s fingertips, finally letting out the breath he’d been holding in tension. When Park Juyeon’s hand stopped moving, Kwon Jiwook instinctively nudged his face toward it, like a neglected pet seeking affection.

His closed eyes revealed a face covered in smudged and mottled marks.

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Park Juyeon lightly ran his fingers through Kwon Jiwook’s hair. It was an uncharacteristic display of affection. If you looked closely, it seemed like he wasn’t thinking at all. That’s how instinctive Kwon Jiwook was in this moment.

As Park Juyeon entered, he lightly tapped the object he had placed on the nightstand. When the hand that had been stroking him moved away, Kwon Jiwook opened his eyes and looked at Park Juyeon. Following his gaze, he saw a bowl of porridge in a proper dish instead of a dog bowl.

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“I thought the food wasn’t to Hyung’s taste, so I brought something new.”

“…I’m not hungry.”

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“Really? That’s strange. Usually, when someone feels heavy-hearted, they lose their appetite. Is Hyung in that kind of state right now?”

“…”

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His tone was knowingly inquisitive, and it was infuriating.

“All you have to do is lie there with your legs spread and do nothing, so what’s got you so deep in thought that you can’t even eat?”

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It was infuriating, but Kwon Jiwook didn’t have the energy to respond. Couldn’t he just stroke him without saying things like that? Without those words?

Instead, Kwon Jiwook stretched out his arms, wrapped them around Park Juyeon’s waist, and buried his nose into the hem of his thin shirt. Park Juyeon’s body subtly stiffened at the gesture.

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“Juyeon-ah.”

The hand that had been gently stroking Kwon Jiwook’s hair slowed and then stopped altogether.

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“Juyeon-ah…”

Still burying his face in Park Juyeon’s waist, Kwon Jiwook looked up at him. His cracked, bleeding lips moved faintly.

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“How long do I have to keep living like this?”

It was a thoughtless remark, inappropriate to say in front of Park Juyeon—a clear misstep. Yet, instead of slapping him, Park Juyeon chose to cover his eyes.

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“Get some sleep. Your mind seems to be in turmoil.”

A large hand rested on his eyelids, which were warm from crying for so long.

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Time passed. Park Juyeon, who had been sitting idly beside him with no particular purpose, slowly lowered his hand and quietly stood up, leaving the room. Even so, Kwon Jiwook kept his eyes shut.

He hadn’t been thinking about anything, but thanks to someone, his mind was now a tangled mess. Recognizing a shift in emotions was rarely a pleasant experience.

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The moment Kwon Jiwook’s expression stiffened with discomfort, he heard a vibration that made him doubt his ears. He had put all the devices away in the drawers—what could it be?

Could it be… no way…

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Realizing where his thoughts were leading, Kwon Jiwook suddenly sat up, all traces of lethargy gone, and looked at the nightstand. His eyes widened.

[Kim Suhyeok]

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There, vibrating loudly, was a phone that should have been in Park Juyeon’s pocket.