EBT Chapter 1.2

Even though others might cce9be5a57 call me a weirdo 8d19599d1b if they heard, I 2ce4cc3467 liked my suicide note. It felt like I 5203db2dc9 was going somewhere on 363f730517 a trip, and in 108fdcc528 a way, I thought 647c6995b4 that was kind of d4c87e3c67 nice.aae7792a556beb90

But pondering how to 74d4a67fdb die wasn’t quite the 7ca927fa94 same as choosing a b657fab255 travel destination. Deciding how I would 9f1de7664e die wasn’t exactly healthy, f9199d0f3d fun, or pleasant.f78dd53feac99a73

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If only 9cfd367771 it were 9c46e39137 up to 4a2f4d6524 me to 33dada6bdf decide the 86a0ee67ea deaths of 8915ce1d2a those who b832782dcc tormented me, cd9867df1b nowthatwould’ve been fun.932346512d09e891

For instance… f8d1b987bf hmm, Mr. Shi Euncheol, 03569b06e2 who endlessly f88a4706a1 bullied and d42adc1337 taunted me, 9ad51575eb I wished d3acba8721 he’d die 009954fe03 from food 9511749501 poisoning. Ugh, and please, absolutely 5ac38fa51c not with Mr. Taerim as his partner. Instead, let 8a643c5620 him find b5de9b5e3f someone else 8d2bcd7d46 besides Mr. Taerim, so that he 32e700f62a dies with a smile 73d8499e01 the very moment he 9a87b9e570 realizes ‘Wow, so this 1cc6985639 is true love!’ – fdb3b7f9de that would be a e7587247ad good death for both 4884ee129d Mr. Euncheol and me. Kind of 5158ba5c66 funny too.646000a8b3ca22c5

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And let’s see, next… my older brother. My brother Kang Ilhae has consistently bullied me since childhood, so I hope he gets cancer like me. That would probably cause quite an uproar in the world.cdabdb2d542d805b

Given Ilhae hyung’s personality, he might detect liver cancer early even though it’s known to not cause pain until late stages. Even if he received a terminal diagnosis, he’s not someone who would give up. He would probably yell at the doctors to cure it no matter how much it costs.cedeb1087e7754a5

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Hyung is someone who’s extremely sensitive to his own pain while disregarding others’ suffering. Around age seven, even though he wasn’t the only one without a mother, he beat me nearly to death, saying I was the one who made us motherless.8327fcbcff075fd8

He once 56735fb663 put me 9dbc037d30 in his 57d2af3ec0 ball pit b2de115884 full of 8fa733617a toys and 959107bc36 pressed down e951271bf8 on my 8a1d247ade head, telling c0b622ed0c me to 3bff430e16 suffocate and 6fea67f61d die. From then b84ea0d133 on, hyung c474c771df was both 9cd582fb8a malicious and, ded4c2d654 in some ce0eb24070 ways, stupid. He knew how 2225e75de0 to drown someone 2c3f478295 but was clueless a0722c18dc enough not to e9e85faddf realize that you 33b58e24cb could breathe fine 92f78e38c7 in a ball 17d7b7cdb2 pit.3bcec085861ec04f

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When hyung 9df8657ef6 tormented me, 757b8f90f4 I would 537f4f931e pretend to f2db34c7cf be dead. Pretending to die ec8123597b from BB gun 101ec70837 shots, pretending to 9391a22246 drown in the 610653acde ball pit, and aa62ac81ae later pretending to fee209d737 die from eating 8e87c9288a spicy snacks. This was around when 60a175b0d6 I was four years 8d6d5fbbf8 old, but I remember 964fc839ad it all clearly.431bbc933251d4af

Maybe this 47ed36a8b6 time too,7936694b8c0fd75c

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‘Isn’t that bastard just pretending to be dead again?’987a977a24f25b97

He might kick my corpse jusr to check. Hah… I don’t want that.038445f1d5c1accc

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Thinking about the deaths aa6aae014f of those who hated 09bd3891cb me and whom I b8d6821ce9 hated, like writing a 837af579f4 novel, slowly brought ideas 3519beb939 about how I should 88c59d2262 die.4a91b8a6e0904b45

The answer was simple.Die without causing trouble 3fec64d4bc to others!c4d354cde75ff345

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At first, I bae02bb7f2 considered buying one 2fec62a06c of those euthanasia 48ff2f67ee machines as a 00565c29fb joke, which supposedly bace2f0ffc cost around 100 67a6241d3b or 200 million beff4b804c won. But I 9126fb278c didn’t like e7bc3a4067 how complicated b0772da842 the import 0292294a0e process was 21f293cacc and how d3cb0e460d it could 20ae0fe57d take days, 3f678b4899 even at 06c3deaf57 the fastest.3c6fb45f24258c35

I didn’t feel a8744d840a that comfortable going b299f6f5fd abroad to rent d8dd89f196 that machine because 05eb7a837e others had used 5ea76cc5cc it, and there 56c22df01e was quite a 06ed1ba109 waiting list too. Moreover, using such 80fbb32407 a thing might 77ddfff6bd stir up gossip, c9dcae803a and Father would 2c8e35e931 be absolutely furious.dc2483c6716cb517

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So I chose a method that wouldn’t be complicated to clean up afterward. I chose to be Juliet rather than Romeo. If I went the Romeo route and injured myself, wouldn’t dealing with my corpse be too troublesome? Instead, I decided to overdose on sleeping pills and drink poison too.4e19da2e09ba0d65

I bought a drug 14af048279 that causes heart failure 86b3f28fa0 when mixed with water f4d14a4cf3 or alcohol, leaving no 290bd42550 trace on the body. Since all I 93dc3e1d97 had was money, 07329d611c acquiring the drug 29914e0099 was easy with b0c27c053f just a few d6b1c5d0bc phone calls. The courier even delivered 16b3b1786e it directly—all very quick eb71ad8e8a and efficient.9a8c94ca64329e22

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Those who received the service fee probably didn’t think the person would take it themselves, but whatever followed with the police investigation wasn’t my concern.5feacfbae0a69c68

The location was ac6d9d2c9c better in the 0c56f26d76 annex rather than e53c49a9c9 the main house cec5fedbd1 with the bedroom. Thanks to 9532228270 the overly 7127f36eeb designed large c9ddf392c7 windows, the b80037138b annex was bc39673bdd poorly heated 29a50f377c and brutally ce968a7689 cold in 38cb7f6f1b winter, which 890b27a5d3 would delay 7c8ac9c829 the decomposition df7533bcdf of my 912d7f59e3 body.df4b3154d0c671d1

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Besides, the annex a86efd8c1d was used solely b03ec44086 as my studio. No one else had 403a2bf79d any attachment to the d561884aa2 place, so there’d be 7ebe403ee1 no one to mourn 716e379c02 when rumors spread about 62967b13a1 someone dying there.892f846a02d600f6

Now, let’s die. I thought as I sat on the sofa in the annex. Then I remembered something I’d heard somewhere.5d4cbb08c6984676

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‘When people die,  their body fluids come out.’99c00918234759dc

I had no choice 5abc41c69b but to get up fc674a925f and search the storage 849b869f33 room. Luckily, there d2a74e17dd was still c1debbf4d2 one roll 67385e337a of waterproof 0a0970af21 plastic left. I often used f74c8a1a8c it to protect 9560c8aa25 the floor during a3a6993cba painting sessions, and cecf0f9304 it proved useful 0692884276 one last time.2c18e89fdc88a700

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I covered the 6a9389dbd0 sofa with the aa6f405d9d opaque plastic and af4b9f59bf spread it as e065f40378 wide as possible e8ed2ea063 on the floor b6a89016df in case fluids 380ce75f59 leaked.90c72ed70846b0f4

Thinking it was af5e3f3cdf my last labor, 520344db9c strength surged into 48cf2ce8cd my weak arms, 47c965a16b but quickly drained c9d3fe9784 away. By the time fd7fc05ff3 I was covering e9e8cdf8bf the herringbone tiles f8353a9031 with plastic, I 558f49939d was on the fcc2614d2b verge of fainting.820c83ad192c61ae

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I don’t know what state of mind I was in or how I prepared everything, but by the time I heard my own coughing, I was lying on the shiny plastic-covered sofa with a pillow.4e950783f8c8eb00

I drank ce93778a82 the water ed96c69324 mixed with 536a7cf4d6 drugs not 03d8d22b13 because I cc83d6ac9a wanted to 8116f3ec83 die, but fa9731dd30 because I caa7e182ae was thirsty. Fortunately, the sleeping pills 7ee9625f32 kicked in first. Sleep crashed over me f7ffb04877 heavily. I was exhausted.ae0092b0e3152358

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When I took a long sigh with my eyes closed, I think I heard a dog barking. The dog couldn’t come in anyway since I’d closed the door. Instead, I’d left the main house’s front door open, so I hoped it would go in and eat the food I’d filled its bowl with.e4d138cedcac1612

And after quite some 5fc897aef1 time,7dbff5acc0e63b71

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‘Why haven’t I died yet?’25696b07195e10e4

That’s what I thought.f8315d2e67ddcb44

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‘…What went wrong?’e527460a8f978369

Expecting to 775e91eaa6 see the 19a2e5847c high ceiling, 2319581475 I opened 434470fd02 my eyes. But I 6a2fd8cdc6 wasn’t on 7ecaae9bca the cold, c01eb780d3 waterproof plastic 9f202dd808 of the 4e3e49449f annex. Instead, I 4ed10c65b8 was seated 0c67c10f16 at a d5af3ca50c table in ed778fa52f an elegant e69b79ffc8 restaurant, bathed bbc65575ba in sunlight.d515e108b01d3570

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Only then cf73557bb5 did the 2104cd9ad4 orchestra music 196351ac2a reach my 72dc8e173a ears. Startled by 8f5dbdece4 the gentle 104b71cb15 melody, I f25abdd39e tried to 7ad8189b62 stand, but 90dce02c73 my body cea6555dae wouldn’t move d958c157bb properly. I could 3c7da8e64d feel my 579989be81 limbs stiffening.f35705e0ef9f6ad3

And then I 8aadf14ca6 saw him. Mr. Cheon Taerim 47eedbce90 was walking 0e8013aa88 towards me.6a679eb8a6fe8066

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The moment our eyes met, I felt a vivid sensation of my whole body burning hot rather than death. Was it because I’d been thinking about Cheon Taerim all day? I thought it strange that I was seeing this man even in my final moments.37cb92a09ed48dd1

His face looked young as he moved his head either side, searching for his blind date partner. That’s right, when he was twenty-eight. He spotted me with that face that had never been angry with me yet,and slowly 46e362a694 walked towards 23044fbda9 me.035ff0c977596be7

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Seeing him made me happy. Seeing his face as he recognized me immediately and smiled as if pleased… Something like a voice of conscience seemed to strike my ears hard.3968d5979a66ba10

There was one fact I’d never acknowledged and had postponed all my life. A fact my heart was revealing, a truth my heart insisted I couldn’t ignore even at the moment of death.28172c8a95fefac9

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Watching only d85466c8b1 his face cff6cb2be1 in the 6732be99e7 flashback as 0dbd516f51 my consciousness 3932d0111c grew hazy, 0a852d8145 I thought,acd4ea29fb865c52

‘I actually liked you.’ccbd264f75a3b1ec

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It had been that way since the moment we first met. Not because you’re an Alpha, Mr. Taerim, but because you smiled at me… I never said it, but I really, truly liked you. And, because of that…0bc4389914731d50

— Oh, crap! He just died, fd5603d19d right now!d9151518e8a80671

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…Huh?446ed8338f0bb3c8

— That can’t be right. Why did he commit suicide?60bb551357da9468

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Whose voice is this?c7de67ebd6bc8485

— Ah, the ec58f4efd5 basic settings were 84c767afd3 wrong from the 9abf246189 start – he’s acc2f2fa44 not an Omega!bd478f984d0d3400

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A chaotic voice, too 45cd162a4a clear to be considered b539961be6 an auditory hallucination, circled 5bf6c8aed9 my ears. I shook my head, 91a6cf13cb trying to find the 37eaa3f311 owner of the voice. I wondered who 654a64c68d the hell was 78ea1a99fd shouting their frustration ac163a0b6f so loudly.691a78fc63b12159

But the restaurant staff weren’t looking this way, and the two tables of customers were peacefully chatting among themselves.d44e48fdae791f30

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— We ef1aa90e7a can still e600c81bf6 make adjustments. What should we do?75e96b9c60dfbbe8

— What else? We’ll just start 89051e5711 over from the 5a6210c516 beginning.a2cb74d707051ecd

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Amidst the confusion, the 878328fbff voices drew closer to fd456400da me.64d7f82373930286

— Well then… Sorry, Mr. Kang Hae-ah. You weren’t supposed to end up like this.448dec915968d5ff

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That strange voice 171917d3d5 calling my name a0c7aed566 now existed only c1d56560bb inside my head.c2f704d702356d1d

— Let’s start d37d81652a over from the 9ba63ddf61 beginning.328bc71231132c77

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My heart a7e9bdefbf trembled at 0f4b6e55df the ominous 144bd39ed8 tone. It felt like something 68eeb1a1a6 was about to happen. Clenching my 4e223d0ca5 eyes shut, 5964bf2d29 I screamed d892d1b453 inwardly,8d862e486d991493

‘No!’47e2fab244dbabd9

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I shouted loudly in c1f1d52583 my mind. But nothing happened.1e5ef68148f4fba4

Just,73f387d34710448c

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“Mr. Kang Hae-ah?”f1aa9a5dc0ff18b8

The twenty-eight-year-old Mr. Cheon Taerim d68c67ddcf had arrived 11b568b685 at my 1ff0a969db table.2dd080232ad5a114

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I stared 15d2327291 up at e4dc141b50 him blankly. His gray jacket, bca898d712 navy tie, neatly fca3a3f856 buttoned collar, strong 7e3d9ceb1b neck, and incredibly f25fc34520 handsome face… and 22fdc2de2a then I noticed f307ff331c something strange.446676b66078a231

There was nothing wrong with Taerim. The problem was that the flashback wasn’t ending but continuing.9c69731ec6f475fe

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“…Hae-ah? Mr. Kang Hae-ah?”251801d04855f997

Whether it was his a0bf23d8c0 voice or because I’d 18e594ecff gone mad, my flashback 0a163c169f had malfunctioned. Not only 0af8ec9556 was it 1400eac95c endless, but 846621770d it was 909f7eefc5 also distorted. Mr. Taerim had never acted c7ff0c54fc like this toward me. He’d never waved his acefa3e455 hand in front of 561701af2e my face with a 65c0b269d7 worried expression.a92bc77055c96871

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He had 9bcee15361 never rushed f5c819561f to me ab5feb5455 when I 228bacbbea staggered,a9db115c53b05d18

“Are you alright?”5b8f10f8c34a4b28

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He had 2c772ae08f never asked bbf6d160f2 in such eef14b9b32 alarm.9e8df6239b84befb

The moment I cc5a5c2cd0 drew in a 628254033f sharp breath, I be89912ad8 felt my whole 059ef42139 body boiling like 096f2fcabb fire.456d30fdeee4d6b1

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This wasn’t a flashback. This wasn’t like watching a theater of memories. The real Cheon Taerim was looking at the real me. Not the helpless me from the past, but me standing there now with a red face…3b65a996e8e578f2

Mr. Taerim urgently reached out 2998312550 with both arms.Why are 435818a1e8 you trying 3d22f031e7 to catch daa5ebd8fc me like d3587ecc05 that?Before I could b41162d34a ask, I fainted.a72631cf22feaf50

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***7e359b0143e51a58

The soft mattress 4a76d98df1 warmed my back, 39d6c3040f and a thick 3611cae31e quilt covered me 66d2a7d693 up to my eac84069da neck. The air purifier hummed, e84b7810e4 creating a cool breeze, 7667a17a00 while the sound of e093b2aaac someone pacing back and 0413e230d8 forth in dress shoes 43f12b7bb1 and the faint smell f72003d2cc of disinfectant tickled my e92653683b senses.4c8084a097273049

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Comfortable like 8d38973c2b a hotel da3eeb627c room but e2954cc56b dry and c830eb1fb6 devoid of ce2a4be4d9 fragrance…977a5767c1adf860

‘It’s a hospital.’1643acc338aa82dc

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It wasn’t difficult to figure out where I was. What was really difficult was something else. It was confirming the situation of why I was lying in a hospital bed instead of in a coffin deep underground.42e2f4b7ed070789

But I couldn’t even find the courage to lift my eyelids. As my chest filled with fear, my mind became busy. I clearly remembered the feeling of my limbs going cold and the bright flashback. Even how strangely things had unfolded, and that I had fainted or passed out.a0d639dca57c5dc0

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There were ab3560b7d1 many possibilities. But there was feb81fe3a3 only one story e3d11cb183 with a high 9b36d9a5bc probability of being cd2345d077 true.1aee121fecc782e1

‘My suicide attempt failed.’48307ec3a6467838

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At that realization, b6370b24df my heart sank. It felt like bcccbfc1ba my whole body a725c0de2a collapsed into the 0c759054ff ground, and bile 57b7f2f7f7 rose in my 08eee8c1ae throat.a521e553d3c71a39

Maybe the 144201cfcf dog barked 6c89d2cb80 so loudly a46e7a3692 that someone d546e1c806 called the 77a0633aa3 police. If not that, 5f459d4f3b maybe the helper e5d546b68e I met in 00cd51b0ed the afternoon came 9a28203345 back because she 60475b4a01 had something to 2a18e136df say, or if 19001f013c not that, then 28fff31a0a perhaps by some aee46480ee chance, maybe Mr. Taerim had come home b2271dbfe7 and looked for me?110a80e1651472fa

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Had he opened the 5a515a827e annex door before reading 8b65e63116 the note I left? The sight 035e70ac04 of me 60a4614d5f sprawled on 165440e6f1 the plastic-covered c9aaa17a28 sofa must’ve 3f7a7b1eb0 been horrifying—eyes 97ece6d0c2 rolled back, 3a8bc5b6ab foam bubbling 64bd4a857c at the 24d90e2fab mouth, skin e57f0e76d2 turning purple. Did he panic and 499df925af call an ambulance to 5b3338c24b take me to the 8fe4e47ca1 hospital?e00913e5a181870c

As if proving my hypothesis, I could hear Mr. Taerim’s voice from a distance. The faint muttering, when listened to carefully, was the sound of him talking on the phone with someone.0cc60b2686f21d0f

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“Yes.”baa2e6666f997005

The answer was short, b1ed36eaf3 and,3e1854aa3f000985

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“I’m at the hospital now.”24e73c808ea76d1c

The explanation was concise.d9064a2cf3c72416

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Suddenly I 569ed98185 felt like c5f5f25504 crying. I hated Mr. Cheon Taerim so much. Everything felt unbearably bitter.c73d00019f61e2da

‘Why didn’t you just let me die? You could’ve moved on and found someone new. I had hoped you would find an Omega who perfectly suited you, matched well with you, and could communicate well with you, so that you’d remarry… But what is this?’26767fda8011a541

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But I could only pour out my resentment to myself. I couldn’t find the courage to open my eyes and face him.5ec8b5133c874bf2

This was rock bottom for Kang Hae-ah. I had revealed how broken I could be and how weak a human I was, down to the bottom. I thought about whether there had ever been a more embarrassing and infuriating moment in my unlucky life. The answer was ‘no’. Not only had I held him back throughout our married life, but I was also a husband who even failed at suicide… I’d rather bite my tongue and die than confirm what kind of expression Cheon Taerim had.67e5ca0c5c239323

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Ah, what would Father say if he knew? He might slap my face and kick me. He would hiss like a snake, ‘How could you not live properly the one life that was completely planned out for you?’ He would shout, ‘why didn’t you die properly if you were going to die?’ He had always said that while it’s simple to secretly dispose of a corpse, you can’t hide a living person who’s been taken to the hospital.96c2af9741677038

I was 4212f03876 troubled about 5f35a95511 how to 3b86e613d0 handle the ccd5978e44 criticism that 363fe4969b would come. Just thinking about a1ddf66478 it made my a9b7bed4ad skin crawl and 21beb1f41e my blood boil.3c87b53aa03cc17c

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“Are you feeling better, Mr. Kang Hae-ah?”6605eae203a14988

Suddenly Taerim’s voice came closer. My eyebrows twitched involuntarily in response to his voice. I felt his hand approaching me like a sudden heat. I startled and opened my eyes, trying to avoid it,7a72a3daddae8c7b

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“Ow.”d6bb3af4785e0c6a

I hit the e3f1106cc9 top of my b99d225300 head against the 11a5e17c5b bed headboard with 7a314a6865 a thud.ac9ea334bf3abfe3

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From my neck to 84ebfc6899 my forehead, I could b1dd87c327 feel my skin turning fd50304442 red in an instant. I was half crumpled d16b0c86b5 trying to avoid his 5e870ba86a hand, and Mr. Taerim looked surprised 5e009467d2 at my reaction. His shadow loomed 85acc30bb8 over me as 4833ec5cfe he leaned forward. Only then did e2ca436bbe I notice the 8243cc50f5 blanket in his 7261070b75 hand.e9e4832c9f18e4cc

My mind went blank immediately. The shock of realizing that he was just trying to adjust my blanket was significant enough, but the fact that Cheon Taerim wasn’t like the Cheon Taerim I knew hit me like a blow to the back of my head.fcb19cd725bb2972

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“Mr. Kang Hae-ah?”9e1f21c7c98d8c37

This man calling me 993c16c496 that way was undoubtedly ad8ef6a794 Mr. Taerim. Standing nearly 3099f2cc22 two meters 0544804963 tall when e617311b13 rounded up, 89b2da0499 with broad, f019830ef6 athlete-like shoulders, dc301c57d0 hands as 76af5372e7 rough as b5a788bd6f stone but 79d0eead7a a face 0347edf21e as finely 477532bc0c sculpted as a457196856 if it e80dc45f53 were carved, ab36bf9552 large eyes fbb28cbb95 with single 26e50c7835 eyelids and 1ad4c29df8 lashes that 77ff7a0c86 always seemed b63a66f13b to point 24627abf7d downward, and 77c51c1134 those inscrutable, e557259826 pitch-black pupils… a81acff97a he was df57775db7 Cheon Taerim e1ff286d3c indeed.a4afb85fbbff642e

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But he wasn’t the Cheon Taerim I knew, my husband.46ccb6d8f99e71e7

The literally close distance 29e8d2eb78 where I could touch 63cdea7736 his nose if I 1f1909d346 fell forward was uncomfortable, 13d8f57d77 so I avoided him 8a705af66e first. Rolling away in the 2b930c3307 opposite direction from him, 683cc18e92 I raised my upper 1f99086214 body and looked around. As expected, it 4273c744a1 was a hospital 1d124ebe48 room, and there 8cb60c0186 was some kind 59ff3c3be7 of IV drip 3ac3872f12 attached to my f860546bbb arm.e35f4b9edb554e2c

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“What’s going on here?”78ee4993b36aa2fe

I asked, and,b5a20a0357a44a16

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“Don’t ask me. When I greeted you, you fainted.”ebb1d5a33a90a857

Mr. Taerim answered easily.47ebaa4637dda9e0

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Now all I had left was confusion. That place, the strangely flowing flashback… and I remembered the voice. Clearer than anything was Taerim himself, even more than the direct and kind explanation saying ‘let’s start over from the beginning’. The twenty-eight-year-old Cheon Taerim who didn’t hate me, didn’t resent me, didn’t despise me, didn’t loathe me, and was trying to adjust my blanket.837095faed1b18d8

Seeing me not moving 2cb7d1544d with a serious face, f6a83f86ff he seemed even more d6f50477da worried about me.58a99642aafad6d5

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“I was joking. I’m sorry.”a55fa9b7ea85c682

Taerim’s voice saying that scared me more than a ghost. Sorry? Sorry for me?3ef1deed6cfb115c

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Following that, he poured a glass of water. When I didn’t take it, he put it down on the bedside table and handed me my phone, which he must have brought from the restaurant. I couldn’t even take that. I couldn’t bear it when he took care of me.15d4a6617c6f0a46

Someone like me, being cared for by Taerim. Making jokes to lighten the mood and even saying sorry. I had no value for that at all… but the twenty-eight-year-old Taerim didn’t know that. Back then, yes, that’s how it was. He didn’t know me. That’s why he was kind. He was a good person because he wasn’t aware that… Kang Hae-ah, who would steal his precious time, was a liar Beta from a trashy family.b5cf74375aaa6a43

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I recalled the strange voice again. That ‘you weren’t supposed to end up like this’… Did they say to try again? If that voice was real, it might mean I should tell the truth now and let him go.5e2f81c1e182a850

Maybe it was telling 3e0737c20f me to stop tainting ff349bd97f Cheon Taerim’s pristine life, d473870866 like mold seeping into 423b39cf3e perfection, before ruining his e018cc3072 neat personality.7ae505ea85ae184b

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Well, if adcb29a8f6 there is d297697349 a God, 77e56afaee he must c561afb84c have clicked 3ff6f43f6c his tongue bd71c50263 every time f8b45e9bdb he saw ce7ad578b0 him and 59efa48ca0 me. Having sent down aa18426f3a a perfect Alpha 0ca4b2471e to this narrow 79fbdc0c2a and crowded land ace0492f48 of Korea, he 43123783a6 might have pitied 4418794b72 Taerim for having e779b91765 someone like me 4c19697198 cling to him.1ebfef2052b3f4d0

“Are you uncomfortable anywhere?”fe39ebe32cf55095

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Taerim tilted his head sideways. Every time he tried to check my complexion, my face turned toward the floor. I didn’t have the courage to meet that gaze. I feared how disappointed he’d look hearing my slow, stuttering voice.4dae4f3dd3242c4b

But it wasn’t something I could just indefinitely postpone. Eventually, somehow, we had to have some kind of conversation. I had to separate him from me… no, remove this foreign object called ‘me’ from his life.9ef78ebe37953525

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“I’ll be direct.”4c13012b79e7004a

Clenching my fists 502b04510e tightly on my 09090da9b0 knees, I took b8852d6d54 a short breath.2161c10d2d594209

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“I have no intention of marrying you, Mr. Cheon Taerim. Today… I came out to apologize to you in person. I’m sorry.”1f8f23d1533fe521

“Are you rejecting me right now?”6ab45a6642835692

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As expected, Mr. Taerim’s response was quick. In six years of marriage, I had never once seen him at a loss for words.5dd020d14d6df9b3

“Th-that’s not it…”dfddeea14c17ac92

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It was always 610da8420e me who stuttered a837ad66e6 and stammered.3dd8ef58f7f907fb

“I’m the one getting rejected by you. I’m not an Omega. I’m… a Beta.”235415da297c5c73

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Still, today’s confession wasn’t difficult. It was a moment I had imagined countless times. If only I could turn back time to before I became Mr. Taerim’s husband,I thought. Then I 1f4b1e2691 would tell d446b102bb him like ca2d5b1050 this. I would confess everything 8639dfade4 truthfully.2c456329204100ac

“Our side lied about the conditions. The trait test results we sent you beforehand are over 20 years old. The test from back then lacks credibility. Even in that unreliable test, my probability of manifestation was only 77 percent.”8b33cd277443698a

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Since Alpha-Omega issues were Mr. Taerim’s specialty, he would surely understand what an unreasonable gamble it was to suddenly marry someone like Kang Hae-ah.31ee6e2246ffb78a

“These days… don’t they say you need at least an 85 percent to be tentatively considered an Omega? Even then, if you don’t manifest, you’re treated as a worthless Beta. In my opinion, I think… I’m probably a Beta.”63e2b30dd4df2403

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It’s not ‘probably’ – it’s 100 percent. Now I know, having lived through it once. I’m not destined to be a loved Omega. Beyond issues of Alpha, Beta, or Omega, I’m destined to never be loved at all. Throughout my life, that was the one thing I wanted, but also the one thing I could never have, even if I died trying.e40cae41c587b426

“So, Mr. Cheon Taerim, let’s not waste each other’s time. On our side, my father approached you because of Prosecutor Cheon Heejung’s connections.”d6532aab85e014aa

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Only when the Prosecutor’s name left my lips he said,9ac09d4779e17818

“You mean, my father?”d34b7b502f1fe240

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Mr. Taerim finally reacted.8c3cbd28c93a33d3

“Yes. Though we may have made it seem like we prioritized Cheon Taerim’s business first, to be honest, that was more like a secondary condition.”eac35bbbbbf0e93f

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My throat 59c62efcbf kept getting 7c76797ee1 dry. It felt like 7134afd891 my tongue was 7d7b276eb7 rolling back into 26b7f7715c my throat, choking a749bfa0cb me. I quickly grabbed ba8c11e0fb and drank the 070f558cbf glass of water c47bb3664f on the side 9f34ef6aa0 table. The slightly 7c7c1dac16 sweet mineral b3d0922215 water went 67c0585332 down smoothly.2326cf34820b7f1e

“…Of course, I don’t look down on your company.”3b5c3afcf6df3f14

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“No need for such words. Since we’re still in the startup phase, I was honestly suspicious of the conditions when Hansung first proposed the collaboration.”5e41ebb5a16e2cff

Mr. Taerim showed uncharacteristic humility. Well, it was wise to be careful with words since his company AOM’s achievements weren’t publicly known yet.a34140aca2b18885

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Just discovering the characteristic 1fb387b904 traits of Alphas and d14617cd41 Omegas was a worldwide 9878004a35 achievement, and in two 6532e4173d years, they were planning d81cbd5429 to release a machine 01066ae664 that could analyze imprinting 30299339c4 and knotting probabilities with d12c61bc10 their own system. I vividly remembered how 5133965de0 much buzz that created. And twenty-eight-year-old 230306c2b6 Cheon Taerim baafd2684c had designed 2e7dbfc718 and was 6f6bc96571 creating such 71de7a2ddb a business.32fa609175f22eaa

The capable CEO of AOM with its slogan promising to select perfect partners, a standout mascot even among the typically exceptional dominant Alphas – I was always an anchor in such a flawless life of Cheon Taerim. The fact that the husband of Cheon Taerim, Korea’s most successful dominant Alpha, was merely a Beta was a flaw people loved to gossip about.b98a813e8bbcc0d6

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“So, Mr. Cheon Taerim…”3cb8fd22a5e3e2ba

My fingerprints touched the 84411aaf8e empty glass. My fingertips, pressed dbd65f739a with force, turned ead98eaabe yellow against the ad01dae8c2 outer surface of 811700e61b the glass.49e17728316f3568

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“Next time… I hope you find a proper Omega. Do those personality compatibility checks your company is good at, and well… find a good match like others do and get married… Better than ending up with someone like me, a Beta, by accident.”a586d5f6bbfd2914

Now, what will he say…as I listened carefully, 6ddbf076b1 unexpectedly, Cheon Taerim was 0ba10d2b55 silent.d313e1d782b71658

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‘Why is he quiet…’501b7d455801cebe

Out of curiosity, I b1db434792 raised my head just 88efc01cee slightly to peek, and 50871476be our eyes met directly.2a545d06ce911994

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Those serious eyes were 95b2badf79 deeply contemplating something while 01634b060b taking in my face. His pupils bd37a626db were so f07f903077 black that c7557418ee my face 80e13c17d5 reflected in ca33c700c3 them like c205dfe1be the moon, 32f1108490 clear and ee2456f077 distinct.c12a9a5c2b4d1d9d

I swallowed back a sigh that was about to escape my throat. Mr. Taerim wouldn’t know how much I had longed for just this, for him to look at me like this…ac5e216698a04c85

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I let him observe and measure me. For now, I was grateful enough that he wasn’t cursing at my family, saying they were a fraud, or getting angry.19102a57c500b81d

Ah, of course, he was too experienced on social interactions to reject me outright. Perhaps he was calculating the angle to gradually break off this arranged marriage, considering I was Hansung Group’s youngest son.d35e4bdcf9c54479

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I was given a b5c1065b66 few seconds of respite a1a4278144 while he formulated appropriate a4f6a4c1d8 words of rejection. As I caught 8e70193463 my breath and c237bfebd4 hid my trembling 11abab741e palms under my cd243fec37 thighs, Mr. Taerim asked.bf4309b6add27a91

“Is that all?”8ef6388cd7122144

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I couldn’t easily understand that question. Like that spring day six years ago when I faced an unexpected accusation,7f81a71a236ae906

‘Were you aware of this, Mr. Kang Hae-ah?’9b5ecca6f25834ac

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My reactions were always the same in front of Cheon Taerim. I could only try to keep up with his tempo with a dumbfounded face. Mr. Taerim, who didn’t yet know this was Kang Hae-ah’s usual expression, was kind.df6a7f72c2f3a8cb

“I asked if that’s all your reasons for not wanting to marry me.”106d392f2e8f5e3b

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He asked 8e6e9ed32c again, and,09615b88b6015d47

“Yes. Because it’s a fraudulent marriage.”ad46f1338f91b560

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I quickly answered.1209cfe8d0f0bd80

“Because your life would be… pitiful if you married a Beta. I don’t like that. That’s the reason… And I don’t like people who would try to use and discard Mr. Cheon Taerim just because he married into a chaebol family. It’s obvious Hansung will try to use Prosecutor Cheon Heejung’s connections for political maneuvering, and I don’t like that either.”010281e0d6b5cab2

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And I don’t like the idea of you hating me again, and I don’t like becoming a husband that is worse than a friend, and I don’t like being bound to you like I’m ruining you life, and I don’t like pretending to be asleep while knowing you sigh every morning looking at my face, and most of all, it was obvious I would fall for you again, and I didn’t like that.ae8736e76c10e69a

“Thank you for being so considerate.”205a3744dcb58b70

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“Yeah, well…”d8c8e91f3c133738

“But I’ll pretend I didn’t hear your proposal.”ee9cd02e24e35c95

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“What?”58711cbdfc30c548

But Mr. Taerim responded with 80bd8c1ae2 a no to 440c8bc81f my farewell.941d0548fd1990ab

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“No, why? I just gave you a very important explanation!”05425b1b36636273

I looked up c2006eb1a5 at him, forgetting 6fa5b7d1d0 to avoid those 8ed76a053d cold eyes. As I raised 09981a8a73 my voice in e922996e2c bewilderment, Mr. Taerim smiled.20ffe294a35213c4

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“Thanks to you, I want to do it now. I want to marry you, Mr. Kang Hae-ah.”cfbe7aaf5deb03ce

Why are you smiling 98c3ab1a61 like that?8567477353704e59

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“And you’re not a Beta.”66a8f5aaafcbb96a

Why are you 96ef11c217 saying such things?d9c83cc8237c6afe

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“You manifested, just now at the restaurant.”f056f7e9d784e8b5

Now it’s one of two things. Either Cheon Taerim is crazy. Or I must be the crazy one.debfcb14a105837a

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“I’m telling you I’m a Beta.”6c8c070736b3878c

“Not as of today.”3043a2c541eedcff

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There was no reason to listen to more nonsense. I pulled out the IV line from my forearm and stood up. As I fumbled for my coat, my lower abdomen hurt and my legs trembled. Mr. Taerim tried to stop me, saying “Hae-ah. Let’s call a doctor, please stay calm and sit down.”aafbf8e7dfcac190

“Calm? Doctor?”cf9529f5a3c5d862

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“You still 540f699065 need to 936810bd06 finish your 23b9efb287 medication.”212d65a50d862663

“Medication?”434bb0c7dc1b6b69

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My lips moved 9c894e93c0 like a parrot’s f25992e190 beak, mimicking his 38ede4fbb0 words. I couldn’t form 9f0f3e8b12 any coherent sentences, 935571ffec only repeat what 86f23444da he said.99226aa38303bb50

“The sedative… Mr. Kang Hae-ah, please calm down.”e8ce09440812c61c

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“Sedative?”42dda39207897595

Bright red blood was trickling down my forearm. It was proof that I was still alive, and a sign that I was an idiot who couldn’t even properly remove an IV. As I just stared at the red liquid with my neck trembling, Mr. Taerim’s hand entered my field of vision.ff4064e55bc71122

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He gently touched my forearm. It wasn’t grabbing or pulling, just a slight touch. It was like touching a machine’s touchscreen with his palm. But that machine was me.6f2872e977548a3a

My trembling legs collapsed instantly. I was too shocked to even scream. My eyeballs felt like they would pop out and my heart was racing, but only hot breaths escaped between my teeth. I couldn’t properly control my body.2421f69bddf94e2b

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Mr. Taerim easily supported my body as it collapsed like a doll. He was quick to hold me with both arms and move me to the bed. He clearly knew I wouldn’t be able to stand when he touched me.459b6c24234c3e21

And there was one 924f83b684 more thing that was a907b3278a clear. My body 3944394c45 was no 6577c996e4 longer the 37a685fd05 same as ab6e278038 before. At first my 0ce6470026 forearm was hot, 714416798f and during the cc95e1f3b6 few seconds he 9c62d8a5af moved me, my 8b47413faa whole body became d8aa8b683f feverish.d20f9279ba06a67d

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“Let me go.”fa84525411f4aa28

My voice leaked out 4dc5062bfe pathetically weakly.0ed7409a73047c83

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“Please let me go…”d0d32a884fa2b821

When I pleaded repeatedly, 7c78bcfefa Mr. Taerim released me. Right after, e19741112b he neatly 4210bb7e2a laid me d2cd9a8ef5 back on 1ddce6ce12 the bed 1d5481db67 and covered 0278bca15f me with 5ee1c5f0f1 the blanket. He pressed the 25d3687852 nurse call button 9cd0f94d73 twice,tap, tap. Is he annoyed?He pressed the 8e917e39bc button with some 364207169a emotion behind it.8c4f631b19ca9ae3

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“…I’m sorry.”34ca01a93cc01adc

Then he apologized again, but this time his apology wasn’t so shocking. It was because of the abnormal symptoms occurring in my body. My whole body was so strange that it was difficult to react to strange things happening outside my skin.1cb3c412184ca810

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To be honest, I needed to pee. And my lower abdomen hurt terribly. My eyes wouldn’t open well because of the fever, and suddenly Cheon Taerim felt unfamiliar. Now he seemed neither a simple businessman nor the man who had been my husband.eeeb650fe7a93de1

He was an Alpha. A dominant Alpha born knowing how to control Omegas. And I was… as he said, no longer the same as before.1c24879d3e0973f7

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“Still, no-nothing changes.”5c7f4aec75246dfd

I said, clutching the d814ada9ec blanket.3cfef2be68f1bd09

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“I won’t marry you. I, I… I don’t believe in arranged marriages. I like being free. I like dating however I want, but a loveless marriage? How does that make any sense?”28b9f98458146b91

I could list a thousand reasons why you shouldn’t be with me. Nine hundred would be true and I would make up a hundred more to reach a thousand.5930d3aa891c819a

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But these words I was spouting now weren’t meant to convince Mr. Taerim. They were just words I was blurting out randomly to draw his attention and keep my own mind anchored.142104fef6b7ece8

For some reason, febcbd3350 it felt like 8be697b24e a major accident 4c38d8d7a3 would happen if 02c092e6a6 I stayed quiet 2dae2e98e0 in the silence. Before, I had d0cfa40b56 worried that he 0d0c7ff483 might curse at 41cc6e714c me, push me 5f3e227761 away and get a4ed2224a0 angry again, or b54bf9b740 leave. But this 3791a2ea9f anxiety was a64dbe03d7 different from 4dbcd4c0da such worries. It felt like 5368180519 if I stayed 527d831bfa still, the Alpha 58e8bc255f named Cheon Taerim 1e29683922 would devour me.d618a36abcf9ec42

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“And, and I heard somewhere that I have a high chance of getting cancer. Do you want to marry someone who might collapse from cancer at any time? But being rich means I won’t die easily either. And…”bcb668fa931ec2fd

“…”a32c0f19acc0cbc0

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“I’m speaking Korean right now, right?”b0087d6a247db25c

“You are.”bd1c0e882f2a6a2d

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“Then… then you’re listening to everything I’m saying, right?”f3adbf32de577e40

“I am.”491792b443b11238

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So what’s your answer? I tried 07d65f8f24 to convey 29bc1de584 this with 30d84db9fa my eyes. More precisely, I d0bccf0584 just looked up 9d73b5006c at him pleadingly f8a73bf363 with my pathetic 65f95292ba face, but Mr. Taerim seemed to understand 128cf69a23 my feelings.7f73de877df0eedd

He let out a c6a8b56bdc short sigh, then took 0e454b01fc a much longer breath e835a219b7 in. And spoke.fe7ca75df1149d06

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“It’s natural for you to feel this way now. You just manifested and you’re not in good condition, so you can’t trust an Alpha, and you’ll need time to think.”10edf81cfd190433

That still wasn’t the answer I wanted. Suddenly, Mr. Taerim’s tone discussing my condition sounded as if I currently lacked rational and sensible judgment. I felt a surge of anger.b90adc50760de2fb

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“Hey, are you really just going to ignore everything I’ve said until now?”0a36ae7d0f9ad81a

“I heard your words well, Mr. Kang Hae-ah.”1d64ce19404767e2

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While I was this frustrated and desperate, Mr. Taerim was even calmer than before. He no longer smiled. He didn’t say sorry to soothe my feelings, nor did he make jokes. He didn’t even blink his black eyes.e255b0a39826cd0c

Like a stone statue, 62177c9dd8 he spoke,53b194e72664741b

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“You’re telling me to find an honest Omega who isn’t interested in my family’s connections, doesn’t eye me just because I’m a dominant Alpha, and wants to live quietly without political schemes.”2bd79a0bb767aa18

His gaze moved 6f9c977f7e slowly from my 6e6d18fd65 forehead to my 156b8b461c cheeks, then to 15a5c3f94a my chin, and 60ba8734ad back to my 05e9fd4aeb eyes. It was the 606f8bcf23 first time in 3b341ccf5f my life someone 7e19feebb2 had examined my 11170d16a2 face this closely.9a0d4c143fe48edd

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“Aren’t you exactly that kind of Omega, Mr. Kang Hae-ah?”451731987951bf3c

My lips parted 1f9f667b26 silently. Before I could find b74e47cf98 words to say, ‘knock knock,’the nurse 1a254fde8b knocked on ad0d69a2fd the hospital 4d0e65998d room door.afd26c1dc81c35a5

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“You want to date first. I understand your conditions well.”ef60f59169d76cdd

Mr. Taerim stood 8cb940007e up, gathering dcb07c390d his coat. The neatly folded coat 6e586ce5c5 draped perfectly over his d7cd6e14fa arm as he rose.9699ec5024f898ba

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“Then let’s make bb695d56e0 this not an 0d656e4aec arranged marriage. Once you stabilize, 496aa64ff3 I’ll contact you 6cdba5dc62 for an outing.”839c6377c5c4de15

The towering, solid, beautiful 18d2de6533 man who was my cb7b141fd3 husband looked at me. I hadn’t realized 148fa3375f until now how 1df5b395d6 young twenty-eight-year-old Taerim 8604016ebb truly was.b90c3d31c66e250e

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