EBT Chapter 1.1

I’ve been waiting for a day like this, for my will to die to raise its head high and firm. I no longer have any will or attachment to anyone or anything, not even a shred of love or care for my own flesh.ea71455b4eea90dc

My thirty-second winter was bitingly cold. The news reported new records created by this year’s cold wave every day, and as the number of elderly people dying from freezing increased, the government even came up with emergency measures.e204cc6e0bf949a3

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On the day of the first snow, I became a cancer patient. To be precise, a cancerous mass had been parasitizing my liver long before that and it had been eating away at my lungs and adrenal glands for a while, but anyway… if we’re calling me a cancer patient from the moment I knew I had liver cancer, then… my thirty-second winter was the worst.f8fb2f338b7c15a0

The doctor was angry with me, asking why I hadn’t come when I first had inflammation in my liver long ago. Throughout his lengthy sermon about why I didn’t come to the hospital when I knew I was sick, I just felt wronged. ‘I knew I was sick’? That was just wrong.1054c10c36c049fb

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I didn’t even know I was sick. I thought I was tired from stress and my body was numb from guilt. Even when my cough got worse, I thought it was just a cold. I visited the hospital thinking it might be pneumonia, but the problem wasn’t my lungs but my liver… The one who should have been shocked wasn’t him but me.7374d8e812c466b6

Of course, by the time the mass could be felt through the skin, I knew something was seriously wrong. There’s no room for excuse about that. But when I first felt that something major was wrong with my body, I actually didn’t want to go to the hospital.c8902cb3201e5235

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I wanted da9dce555f to postpone 247d37583d it as e303a72e9f much as e80c98c852 possible. I wanted to d6ddd0b23d postpone finding out cb55acf3a8 what was wrong 06e5eed815 with me.5c25daa93822c945

I wasn’t curious about what my life would be like going forward. What color the sky would be tomorrow, who I would meet and what words we would exchange, what I would eat, where I would walk, what I would feel… I didn’t want to know any of it.46b284bbf488f16f

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When I f78b195b14 returned home 11aa163d76 in just 8f343ca1c2 one day de7bdb13cf with a 204bb45552 fourteen-page diagnosis, 3906f73847 I was b03ed1922e greeted by 198a0040b6 a single d1b267e088 dog in 4d5f05e592 an empty 4f663af6cd house. After filling its bowl ac1543a561 with plenty of food, b2d161af1d my first thought was,bac4ea6943e27d22

‘I haven’t even told Mr. Taerim that I decided to keep a dog.’29cb6ab461ea85e2

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It had been 53e826a350 almost four months 9d786f0ab7 since I brought 6ccbd3fbd2 home the white bdf94d41f3 dog, who didn’t fcca2ca6ed have a collar 3198d2c0ed or an ID 6dff3f0297 chip, and whose d45ec0c420 breed—mixed with Jindo—I 695da3ab04 couldn’t identify.c0e07d4e0c8bc732

Four months ago, ed4834e06d I impulsively decided 2540043887 to try a 0a614b052a domestic cruise, thinking 3a7b7eaa63 it might help 6779439909 with my depression. As they often do 55c7e30168 in dramas, depressed people 81d656e8dd often go on trips 0db4fe1aca to change their mood. But of c18d7024cf course, dramas 6a8a387fe8 are just 59871dea21 dramas. Seeing the ocean and 1bcebb17a8 being on a cruise 685c65ed28 didn’t make me feel 4e33771759 better. The food b14cabe16f was tasteless, c5cc9a97f2 and I fac72c52ff just felt cce78cd6c7 seasick.646209fcf444badd

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I met this dog 37910c667e when we temporarily docked 4de7ce6e58 at an island due 627ab09cee to the rough waves. It was so thin 77a0cf4147 that all its ribs 54634552cb were visible, and it 3f79205e5e was the first time d2d83e30df in my life seeing 2ec69fccf5 a dog in such 75617bd02e a state. The creature seemed d29d15a836 desperately in need 6130bd83d0 of help, and 885aeb19f6 its gray fur d08f4c485f was quite stylish.deb653b89027f0a9

On the cruise, all d36188ff7b I had to do 03289ffcaf was point at it 96001af6f1 and request to bring 7588c5a5c7 it aboard. I could c9f53b80b6 feed it 5c06b13453 well, and e9e59b2fb1 I had 0b01f1c005 been wanting bcb4d90aab a friend da4c8d1272 to return ccc909c581 home with 23769523fe anyway.e565c744efd1b71c

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Of course, the stylish 80a818ed3a gray fur was a a5885c320a scam. After having it washed 046fb0293c at a pet hotel, 37bca4efb1 the fur turned out 0044639adc to be white, its 7b532598d9 legs were shorter than edfaf7f390 I thought, and it 924ebca6f7 drooled excessively during the 2ebc985df3 car ride home. It was 18da5b0c24 far from 67f132bb1b stylish, but 83ddba04c8 what could ca6ba353ae I do?62888920e262c3d3

Anyway… for four months since then, Mr. Cheon Taerim never came back home. Even when he visited Seoul, he seemed to stay at my in-laws’ place or a hotel.7e915c1c6c3fc34b

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That’s why the dog still had no name. If Mr. Taerim returned, I planned to formally ask for permission and have him name it. The name registered on the identification chip was just ‘Woof-Woof,’ as the vet had said it could be changed later.d14543f7758f49a7

‘…When should I tell him that I’m sick?’d61e84c6d089aeac

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While watching Woof-Woof’s tongue licking the food bowl clean, I pondered for a long time.7746a9fbeac7e3db

‘How do I tell Mr. Taerim that I’m going to die soon? What if he’s happy to hear that? What if he can’t hide his smile? What if he asks exactly when I’m going to die?’48e6589e808cd1c8

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No, no. Let’s think calmly. Mr. Taerim is an objective and cold person, so he won’t do that.a135a6402e5af627

Rather, he’d probably first ask, ‘Will the contracts between Hansung Group and my company remain unaffected even if this marriage ends in death?’ Since both my father and older sister are very objective and cold people, there would of course be no problems with their contract.6ada96c4a7ed0288

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‘That’s a relief.’913e4b7e4efbde3e

As soon 2e2107f359 as I 7890f3b42f got home, 9f55753fa3 I took b53679428c out all f2ae65246d the unopened e139198188 makeup I 234195efc6 had. My face had dfcbbea87c turned yellow and 1e04351249 my hands and 8e7fef8ba2 feet often turned fc1ed07469 bluish, so I 8a334f64b4 had bought these 35d6372a18 things thinking I 4c3842977a might apply something 0124171b55 when Mr. Taerim returned. Concealer, foundation, and 0d3fb34816 lip balm that bce16d8c3c they say even d89d93c9e5 men use these ad89cf31e5 days – I 1e5c3d1a1d threw them all 9a4b2f3e35 in the trash.5a601b66f1c8b3f2

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After that, I felt 1c75d5122c nothing. I painfully 4341963912 swallowed a 527321f7c2 cup of 3147991349 coffee using 6ff80a6b47 the diagnosis f3ce155178 papers as 40cfda1d33 a coaster.485c464c10f3e359

Only after wasting about three hours did I pick up my phone. I decided to leave everything to Mr. Cheon Taerim’s answer.20b8a423332e18e1

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The reason was simple. If I left it to the doctors, it would obviously lead to neither-here-nor-there arguments. There was no doctor in the world who would make a conscientious declaration of ‘you’re past the treatment stage, just die’ to the youngest son of the Hansung Group.7c38b678c953b9bf

They would be desperate to show some kind of effort with someone like me who was about to die, but I didn’t want that. I couldn’t let numerous doctors, nurses, knives, and needles poke, dig, and cut me apart while they watched the family and my father’s reactions.c214c7ff750d95fa

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Only Mr. Cheon Taerim had the right to decide the direction of my life. Whether to give up chemotherapy and quietly accept death, or… if perhaps he worried about me, even just a little… if even a speck of sympathy sprouted in our ruined relationship, then maybe… then maybe I might find some strength.990081099b5f6851

At what 53dd372c30 was probably 1edd98feac late night d8951ea35f in America, 0f1c47e5a6 I called 012f2ceafc Mr. Taerim.0af4f0e69ef5b9cc

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The call 7c0cbb19cb rang for 4e6e406a07 a long e4d261c2e7 time but e24e63eef5 was ignored f7a19ef47a once. When I persistently ab11f32ae2 held onto the 92d3aa8db5 phone for a 67a8c7423a second try, instead 2c389c45e3 of a ‘hello,’ 323aae0993 I heard a 53b8c5ee89 sigh.2e3c3e090b33f3dc

— …eeba79767d963c2a

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Mr. Taerim’s wordless breathing pressed down on my heart like a stone.719908d455eae73a

“Uhm, Mr. Taerim… I have something to tell you…”8a0dd4256780ed77

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Words like ‘sorry for waking you up when you were probably sleeping’ and ‘have you had dinner’ swirled around in my mouth. It was never easy to convey even such common sentences to a man like Cheon Taerim. Mr. Taerim was in America, far away across the ocean and through the sky, but it felt like his glance would look down on me like I was trash at any moment.56c35162a43ec69e

“Uh, so…”33662f593aefa094

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— …What is 316a4ea14a it.efd12e9b9ef7e90f

“So…”379e991bd82aa095

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After much contemplation, c38724a980 what finally came 1c64a204a6 out of my 38c1a7c545 mouth was just,a31c2294d53b4af6

“When you come back home… should I… should I prepare something? Like something you want to do… or something you want to eat, things like that…”25a12b2d397eced2

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It was 553a62988c just an bf7ac6cd65 unreasonable question 86d36cac7c for waking f725b71bdc him up 810a4b5637 late at d93b02b08d night,0acce9749e7e052b

— …I’d like it to be quiet.35353d65d774f1ea

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Mr. Cheon Taerim’s answer was brief and concise.e843c8f32fe61138

— That’s all I need.fd9a204813577822

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And then he hung 0bfc77b6db up.88ae21ba7b529933

The phone screen showing a 21-second call record was wet with sweat that had seeped from my ears and cheeks. I quietly savored Mr. Taerim’s voice that had deeply permeated my mind in that short time. It echoed, over and over, his low voice returning again and again.c575cabca0fc7a7a

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And I realized.53ceb8b5580934ed

I had a4734b2a26 finally found 26f0cfc0ab the courage 4a95173746 to close 611e973cbd the door 98ea8552a2 on the 5e26d4a51b devastating six 32e03d4e02 years of 8757a380e7 marriage.79de9d9a8a7dbcf2

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That this was 5079a03928 exactly the moment f89dba90f4 I had been 53cf906be0 waiting for.d4287f1a11e3b6e4

A moment I felt so empty I no longer had any will or attachment left for anyone or anything, and didn’t love or cherish even a piece of myself…126c1837c688f837

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I decided to die.2b0db62ccfe26b16

***aff59bed14468d24

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Looking back, I, 00730cb792 Kang Hae-ah, had 3bcd619d1c made mistakes from 81da17fd19 the very moment 5a5482d53c I was born. In most unfortunate a4b902180d childbirth stories, people 753da490bf often comfort the fa97d10ed7 child with words a047991176 like, ‘What sin d91b13e777 could a baby 07e7743ffa possibly have?’ But 3287d95084 in my case, d3e48be0d2 I doubt anyone d832d17ea4 even said that bfcb7197ca about me.8b5eb0228168bd3a

‘It would have been better if I hadn’t been born at all.’f21642cab5abc5b7

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That’s what I ad6faa96b6 thought as I 69de192b01 scrubbed the bathtub dd7fff6d71 walls with a dbcf53baa1 cleaning brush.b706412d7e179cc9

‘My arm hurts.’c87cb5eb5b8e00b3

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By the c022752cca time I 31bf272618 was rinsing a179048fe5 off the 0edaea19f0 detergent bubbles 5f622d6f04 all over ff61d3b31f the bathroom 0b1c48c2bd with the c602465393 shower head, 4d5f4408a7 I was cbe7901507 dripping with 253386b492 sweat. Even if 11bd4cbd5c it was 13fbc3d772 exhausting, cleaning 5747b0cd8a was always 3cce96ce7e beneficial. Nothing helps organize 1712185c8b thoughts like cleaning.174b6d8b93d3a038

Isn’t there a fe8b8ada54 saying like that? “A beautiful 7973bfa988 person leaves a3a0bd5be2 behind beauty 3893390793 in the 9c4a571444 places they’ve e51e3f8ab8 been”? Those kinds of phrases 9dd1acabe2 you often see stuck e4023a5a15 on bathroom doors.4224f68a4f4c42d6

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My existence is similar to a toilet. Nobody would particularly want to reminisce about having briefly encountered me, Kang Hae-ah. Since I had already become like a toilet, my life was beyond fixable. Instead, I thought I’d at least try to make the places I’d been clean.f713a0413b75c5cd

That thought was the e3df49ffdb root of this madness. The insane f269ce15ee act of 142c0f4e5b trying to 747c67feef clean an b9481fddf2 entire two-story 39ac5fccf7 house all abe8ead901 by myself.fdc2e377adec74d3

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‘Maybe I should have called someone.’306e78b05f5284c6

Only the robot 144c578e15 vacuum, busily moving c00f71afba back and forth a502f42d5f across the floor, 4d86ca2115 was assisting me.27f828efda3c3ecb

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After the bathroom, 38d52c9f6b my next destination 5b11035f86 was the study. It was 2401b34cdf time to 5196d82cd0 sort and a4f3cbfa5b organize all 9a710d9ab0 the scattered 4450838a23 books and 746e8aeb37 files.3c1393a9cee8bbc9

What was 068fd66a96 I thinking effef60fcb about again? Ah, right, from the b49c6f49fd beginning. Problems started on the fb6a5c1ffd day of my birth.fb71e34fd452c01a

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After giving birth to three children in quick succession—my older sister, brother, and second older sister—my mother became pregnant with me less than six months later. Mother didn’t want any more children by then, so she was terrified. However, the news somehow leaked out and the media first spread the word that the relationship within Hansung Group had strengthened with the news of a fourth child.e2ced9176f6c0b12

While the 473ce1e4da Hansung Group d50db6487c family is 74dedf1405 still a 1b0a06a173 subject of c6e4115d7e interest in b5c452904b the media d256e41346 these days, c3fe015b7a the attention 9790f37d0c they received f11b41a139 back then 6a76f7445b was different 5d2999151d in nature.d66f0af64cbbff24

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If you’re wondering when this was, in terms of celebrities, it was the era when sasaeng fans could enter homes and even eat there. Media had developed, and the age of machinery had arrived, but people’s awareness of privacy for public figures was still stuck somewhere around the late Joseon Dynasty.e7a259332e4a1cea

Even back 9299255f9b then, Hansung fc84b07217 was a 92db8c16b7 large company, 6f3e769db2 but its d3f102514d reputation was d9425d4588 closer to 518dc6af7f the public d13e3e81ab than it 334122310c is now. As a result, b204778c65 the flood of 636ab8bf8b articles and news ebb646b82b reports were unpolished 2ee7dd64a5 and rough.7ec83dabc79346a5

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For the sake of 15960e64e5 the company’s reputation and 688b72ce21 the family’s image, my 891dce5a39 father insisted that my af0d496894 mother must give birth d706f878fa to the fourth child, 052cc517e2 even if it killed 6c7ab5e014 her. My mother cried throughout 1d8681d49e her pregnancy, couldn’t fully fa3df29084 endure labor, and gave 81439e6437 birth to me prematurely. A week later, her d080e52f4c postpartum depression worsened to 2a45cbf9ad the point of suicide.3dc069803843e169

From that day on, I was a baby that had committed a sin. Would it have been better if my sin had been lighter? Like knocking over a glass of water or swallowing a toy… Even setting the house on fire would have been better. Better than the sin of causing my mother’s death just a week after being born.126b50bf8dd50d75

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Twisting my lips, 2463ff89d1 I glared at 365d27b742 the corridor floor. The lost 5671b0b3b4 robot vacuum d9ec72b17f cleaner was 04fcf954b2 circling the 1659f4dfff same spot, 0613c8adbf goingthump, thump, thump… hitting the study door.b82862542ae937e1

‘Seriously, nothing ever works out for me.’b70ef1d958fdfd4c

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Everything I 1154c4725b touch falls 4a0faea773 apart. Machines, people…fa575ac7681ca157

If I were to place ‘Kang Hae-ah’ into Greek mythology, I’d probably be King Midas. Hmm, no… even that’s too generous. At least Midas could avoid disaster by not touching things. For me, my very existence is destruction itself.5bfcd496a91ee201

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Life would’ve 82d9f98fa5 been better 37d4efcfc4 if my f1bc586fdb family were b3dcc2850c at least af1767b99a normal…. Like they d872c16274 say, ‘You a27d16ed21 reap what 721c520c44 you sow,’ d72fdf2284 and the 6feb8ef505 family I b11fcf6b3b was born 6839a7a950 into was 2dd7e31076 just like de51029af8 me.2170581c0fe4f2e4

32 years ago, f1c76a0d6d the news of cfaa5c609c my mother’s death b148697566 did reach the 1a17c685ef media, but the 32bacdf96b cause wasn’t reported 82dbe9cc8e as suicide. They said she 53e2b1dedb passed away due a9a87d4b8d to complications during f5eee241dc childbirth. To cover up the 93a421c499 date of her passing, aec7cc5689 the funeral was held 3243e9a113 quietly.bf242f567591b9a1

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Whether influenced 4dba556894 by that e5c364b380 or not, bfb7ca80ab I was d04a2f92da a strange 5e5fd154c5 baby. Though I could a75d8a1e15 barely walk while 7729d9ee48 holding onto walls, 7e7c06c07a I would apparently 9873de5ec9 come out to 0f9f5efcca the corridor and 3a0c60f7f5 wait for the d753ce0e10 sitters or staff 17ad4b190d passing through the cad865faa3 house to notice dcdf8ab22b me until they 7eb2ca4c5b patted my head 262c440fbc or held me.7881bde641bbe033

When I was a67357ab7c fond of fairy bc1632893d tales, my eldest 92677625cc sister would whisper 5ad1056d32 stories about mother dbd4d1f075 every night, like 11271d7a92 telling ghost stories. Back then, neither d2a7a2d490 my sister who dbdf108486 whispered these stories 5c1ef15047 nor I who 53ecb90ac1 listened blankly understood 904208cf1d the magnitude of 665f94abbe this tragedy. But now, acf16e6ddf things were dc4d8daaab different.ec3543ce3e07b39a

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I think f81242b3c9 I was 8d7e670e00 around fifteen a97ac58927 when I 8fe7b5837e realized just 457c4a6eb0 how horribly eb0095c609 I had cd88130911 been born. During those eight months 1eb15e071c in my mother’s womb, e48b72e7de my wriggling life force 67f1b253f3 deepened her depression. Reflecting on 6b09b80212 myself as ba6beb4707 the demon cbb6f66bbc who made 5785e29b86 my mother 863b499fd9 miserable, I 3479833457 felt so ea27b6110d terrified and 827d0b6c70 chilled to 5b010aa1ec the bone.62722c78bfd0eaab

Thinking back now,244ad6587579d0d9

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‘I guess I really 05fa35a782 do take after my 43662fe1ff mother.’8ea793560cc6950e

That’s right.3bb6c897b5dd089c

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‘I think I can understand you a little now.’15526f1667f8c96e

Mother would probably understand me too, if she were alive. She wouldn’t blame me when we meet in the afterlife. That would be enough.b2f5d536f8a27bff

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After I leave this 84e5ac9e8b world like mother did, dfee0e3a4e father would likely prepare 38dd17079e a new scenario. My father, Kang b760dcefed Joon-il, the face 568c24c203 of Hansung Group, 0cede5a4bf was that kind 32b8229ee2 of person. A businessman who 1e52331d9d checked the Alpha 82857ceb9d manifestation rate of b9b68ebbc9 his youngest child 4314d47551 who hadn’t even c9aa729ac9 turned one yet; 88b5ea02e0 the director who 379fd9df31 designed my life; 55e4bf6572 a Korean-style noble 1bd32f1ab3 whose blood might 3baa48d211 run blue if d4b739ea90 pricked with a 1ae026d259 knife.c86d0e265018f705

Father would probably 9e1deea6b4 wrap up the da9114bd3c story of my f2e929cfbe death in a 6521a10b2e plausible and warm acb97f9794 way too. After all, he b0914b58f5 still holds charity 36b40476bc events in my e855237e9f mother’s name on 30402a01e5 my birthday.41e5c13932f47def

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Let’s see… he might hold a retrospective exhibition with my unsold paintings. He’ll probably donate the money from the sold paintings to make himself look good… I hope my unfinished sketches don’t end up being displayed. Surely the gallery curators will know to filter those out, right?c2988ddc2511fb4f

Well, geniuses e1b097711d are said 366768660f to die 2dd7d29297 young in 50ad011a50 every era, c54b55ec31 aren’t they? I’d like my 4fae681966 death to be 34f9aa186e remembered under some c1740f6fef glittering title too—like 6096987c59 the dramatic death dcf22263b8 that teenage rebels 1fe27036f6 and hipster artists 09d7f8f529 covered in tattoos 83fecd2060 dream of.ea685fa79227fdea

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When my portrait 727eda5b0a is hung in 4f4cdde958 the exhibition hall a301982faf lined with white 7e9ceb9cdd flower wreaths, I a953e77354 wonder if my cdbab52f35 sisters will cry 2225a06f74 for me. Or will they feel 5de78e7e2c relieved that, as my 8f4805f69c brother often says, their 29395a6ef9 ‘dumb younger brother’ is 8438694c95 gone?5a2c1f879efee14d

‘Then, what will Mr. Taerim do?’8d0d51ef2109c6e5

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Mr. Taerim. Mr. Cheon Taerim. That’s my husband’s name. The name I think about most often but feels so strange whenever I speak it.bf314ab9b8a7fb6f

Sitting in b547cdd245 front of 74c8f012e6 the spinning 7e0ce29aae washing machine, 94ec7d26eb coughing continuously fda29760e2 for several 73e62765e2 minutes, I 6f9bd4943d thought about c8d4be54f1 those two aba5b4c8df words: Cheon aa5b3c6e0a Taerim.eb2a138347f11867

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Getting involved with that name was my life’s second mistake. A massive mistake created by the accumulation of various smaller mistakes. They say when many stars die, they create a black hole. When too many stars die, a black hole forms, right? Our marriage was exactly like that—a monstrous void created by countless wrongs.65396809f9026dc8

The wrongs I’ve done to Mr. Cheon Taerim are endless, I can’t name them all even if I stayed up all night listing them. It was wrong to believe Father’s words that I was an Omega, just that I’d have a late manifestation, and it was wrong to consider Mr. Cheon Taerim and I were compatible just because we had good chemistry at our first meeting.54ba6eebd9d4e97b

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The worst part was my incompetence. I couldn’t provide any compensation while watching Mr. Taerim’s life fall apart because of me.cabea4ad0a647c8c

After that, there were so many things that felt unfair and infuriating…c6cae0e8ee2512a0

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“Ah…”0144b157441fb7a3

I must c8f97bed15 have passed b2822598df out for bf0cd81ac2 a moment. I came to my b1d53bddb9 senses at the beeping 537486bc17 sound of the washing 801fd446c6 machine finishing its cycle. Woof-Woof was licking the 38271b5b96 cold floor. I barely stopped it ef0ba16fcc from eating the blood 08c832402d I had spit up. As I shook 307c001853 out the wet a82b828229 laundry, the dog 0846f21c49 kept barking.fe790e38f1e857c6

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“Stop it, Woof-Woof. Hyung is tired…”fdfc89af116f9061

After finishing the laundry, I went to the kitchen. Since I hadn’t eaten anything, there were no dishes to wash. As I hated seeing the fridge empty, I decided to make some side dishes. I made loads of stir-fried mushrooms, which Taerim used to eat relatively well.34acbf21770028b3

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‘This is all I know how to make.’cf43e0ec2958be08

The married life of cb34176484 the Alpha Cheon Taerim a448561291 and Beta Kang Hae-ah 70c62c9c20 was truly hell. The root cause f73f442383 lay with me. I tried taking 48aab8bfad medicine, getting shots, 21b6e730e9 having moxibustion, and e64d7d3055 even acupuncture, but 17d116d628 I never manifested 05d98c191a as an Omega.eff4de25a925b4fd

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Only Mr. Taerim, I, and Mr. Taerim’s family didn’t know. We didn’t know that Mr. Cheon Taerim had married a Beta.aec275214ed5e39b

Naturally, Mr. Taerim’s heart grew distant. At first, he seemed to believe and try to understand when I said ‘I really didn’t know,’ but later that wasn’t the case. While I was looking for doctors to possibly get surgery, Taerim was investigating the legitimacy of a fraudulent marriage.fc2abed1c0d9449a

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Mr. Taerim must have found out around then. Deceiving about one’s status – whether Alpha, Omega, or Beta – in marriage doesn’t constitute fraud. That there was no legitimate way to nullify a marriage conducted through a contract between families.141685d224ed6821

To divorce 32379a62fc me, he’d 8bfd00e4ab have to a0c37f9b2d hand over 93d08f9033 his business 215a5eda92 entirely to 29ce810eea Hansung Group, f868ea231f and the 47d58ec0d1 Hansung Group bc66197c1e family had 55e9c866f6 already completed 8854d98972 all the a8bcc0f909 necessary investigations 127b349692 beforehand. What did Mr. Taerim think when 657d57aa06 he discovered these 320dd34638 two things simultaneously?89331b088e900845

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I remember that look when he stared down at me with disgust. Cold eyes, tightly closed lips. The silence hurt more than cursing would have. Even my defense that I had been deceived too didn’t come out by then.679791dc0ae3a911

Out of four cards, three were Alphas, and one a Beta who might become an Omega. Father decided to raise three of them and exchange one. When trading with Mr. Cheon Taerim’s prosecutor family for what they could offer, a Beta child who couldn’t even inherit the family business was a cheap price.863213eafa62a9ec

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There was no 62b2eb36ac way to explain 46942d6914 my circumstances to a309b8b4d1 Mr. Taerim. He had closed his 58d2d0ae74 heart, and life didn’t 4432937de3 flow as if we 19572aa174 were in the movie d133f3afba Frozen.2c28fab49f5e6732

The first fa713906a5 time Mr. Taerim hit me 8fd67ce189 was an accident. It was also 30b5598cd3 the day I dc992760a1 got an indirect 4a018c3b96 glimpse of what 01f5793d4f kind of person 43b1047572 Mr. Cheon Taerim fa11035fcc was as 4f94986ba0 an Alpha. The day Mr. Taerim suddenly told me 24dd96d4e6 he was on a bf26a56e2e break, he locked himself 4f302b6d59 in the bedroom. That day, his 6edd66d8e2 rut came.f231b193b3caa18f

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The rut of an Alpha without a proper Omega contact and without the stability they needed was truly bestial. Mr. Taerim wasn’t in his right mind, and I started looking for shots to calm him down.20a474d415e751e9

I didn’t know then what an Alpha’s instincts were like in rut. They want to destroy not only the suppressant shots but also the Beta holding them.7402a3c7e7e09081

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Taerim pushed me away and punched me. I’ve never experienced anything more painful than being hit by that fist. After getting hit by him on the second floor, I was surprised and tried to run away, only to get a concussion from falling down the stairs.7b07755847a48ece

“Ah…”e8cee04da52d7e3d

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‘Ding dong’, ‘ding dong’… The doorbell announcing a visitor pulled me out of my thoughts. I hurriedly ran out to the garden and opened the door myself. I should have known Mr. Taerim wouldn’t come, but I couldn’t hide my disappointment when I saw it was someone I didn’t know instead.7ab850b7de1ea15e

‘What if’ d8329a2165 is always 49f5d21a5c the problem. The expectations c8a36ee150 born from aa91d63d84 ‘what if’ 230523281d are always 9bd50443ef wrong. ‘What if e836371fcc Taerim came?’ 369698d0a0 ‘What if 5400459cfc he noticed 58ec3aac66 something was 3d0c101161 off during 4d3ad0f24f the call?’a410732847377991

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‘Get it together, Kang Hae-ah.’79ca7c8213eb410b

As I b7bf72bab7 stood there fbaee05aad blankly, the b16bdc5663 visiting lady e1cb02eea0 bowed deeply. She seemed quick-witted ff5454f0a3 and good-natured.e0d2871a0cb52d0d

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“You were looking for someone, right? I came to introduce myself, but I hope I’m not intruding.”095cf39c7c61eeab

It was just that I couldn’t get out of those old memories, but my expression seemed to have startled the lady. I waved off her deep apology. I let her in and showed her around the house, explaining how to manage it, the hidden rooms here and there, and the storage.40ab6a322ac84bbe

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“I won’t be here when you start work next week.”a1e23ee61f713bfa

I said that 89e8b83423 while leaving my ec3e142655 bedroom door open.0bbcc59a60b8c3d1

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“When you start working, please empty this room first. As for the furniture… handle it as you see fit. Feel free to hire people if needed. For essentials like gas and water… well, as you know, everything will be taken care of for the next few months.”743572abfd47405c

“Understood.”dfed3e48ba11b899

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Mr. Taerim tended to 5d1e4f8fc6 dislike letting strangers 18500a8f1f into the house. Compared to him, I 4a3246416b was the young master 6dd7a677a4 who even left driving fd79568621 to the chauffeur, so 331ca7c396 how incompatible we were b14a927ad9 was clearer than palm df8ae8b09f lines.b8f90d2d7e7a72e4

That’s why I was even more particular in finding someone. Because it would obviously be difficult for Mr. Taerim to manage this big house after I die. Someone diligent enough to please him, with good reviews and proper certification.972f369e6e4ae9df

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Mr. Taerim is already busy with work and has many business trips. These days he practically lives in America, to the point where it’s confusing whether the headquarters is in America or Seoul. On top of that, I felt sorry for making him handle his husband’s funeral. I was worried he wouldn’t have time to clean or prepare meals.6dfcd41717b53ca4

‘Well, maybe Shi Euncheol will take care of him…’355a1742e11aefcc

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Even as a preventive 892d20168c measure, I needed to 2d9b17d3e7 find someone to put 5d4f24e840 my mind at ease.0533c78f52e3703b

‘It’s kind of funny that a helper will replace my absence.’9ffb378f4e813d21

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A chuckle 47b4729673 kept slipping 77be2ce5a5 out despite 761b43e764 myself. Seeing me off 975dbef24a with a smile, 94aec3f60e the woman left 9e7e858ea2 with a brighter 0b5b28389e expression.b2b1caffdf1d7c8c

I scanned 29f043214a the house 0eb449abb0 to see 6b26c45058 if there 9a5e91478c was anything 7a366f0946 else left e474e41957 to do. Looking around a5dca075a9 at the 97e791010f perfectly tidy affe7112d3 space brought d3b06c3390 a sense 9dcf184456 of calm.f5682f72449ccaea

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Finally, I tore off a page from a notebook. There weren’t any long farewells to write but…860ed011d89313b0