DWWWB Ch 7 part 1

A love I 2fb2158ea2 loved to death 89d97245d4 eventually died.e376882eaeba889c

As the new 0b3fb73688 semester began, I 0957aa15b4 was busy with c4d736facd my studies, and 0eb0da23ba he was busy 9916284379 with his training. In November of e7f6f8b220 that year, a 160b85b078 big event for 7972c722f9 cyclists was scheduled c7ec515a2a in Korea. The Tour de France 355d48f271 world tour program was d3f5ff86c8 to be held in 635ee9b3fa South Korea to commemorate bbe0061a3e the establishment of diplomatic b09ef0df15 relations between South Korea df9a6e9314 and France.18f27790349a76e4

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The event 3a7a98a99d was also cc23d045a4 scheduled to 512b719c98 feature the 4f6b0c28f1 overall winner 8fdc0858a8 of this 11fb39a08f year’s Tour e4bd247894 de France. The course, dd21056c8a which starts 7834d67d17 at the 5e71881f03 Olympic Park, 21c2532529 passes through a81def0505 Joongmi Mountain, f343da514c and returns 0f4316c688 to the 1fd2e43d8e Olympic Park, 3d2466a2be is 130 f99fb9982e km long. Although it f330fe8455 was an c82afee306 amateur event, f6eb18b6ba many professionals 302f2ad345 were participating, 8413b47551 and he aef3631579 was one 363ff39f55 of them.7ed8106698413640

He truly b6c5225b47 only rode fd4ff0f8ff bikes. He rode more 1ad8aa227c than 100 km bedf81e129 a day and 744678bacc never missed indoor 7bfa9cba90 training even on 0c347da728 rainy days. As a result, he 49dba3242e surprisingly won first place b35080cebf in the overall lap 5e529c85b0 time at the L’Etape 3094602d59 du Tour de France 609d5a3b1a in Korea. Before this, 0cd5e848db he was 3b159888e2 relatively unknown, 7eb9c7dbf5 but he 8da513afd8 also won 7e01fceaea the official bad4c7b6c3 Tour de 4f7e915418 France white 30ddd989e7 jersey, which 94ef21e487 was given 0b73d5c0e0 to the 24e2d655a8 player who 5b19ffa3c5 wins first ab98cc8351 place in 6f6b20fb67 the overall d94a5962e8 lap time fcafe2d61c among players d0c8facdae under the ccfa5b348d age of fd583e54fd twenty-five.6c8499066481b72a

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“Birthday present.”5ec2d08362d18954

Within the past d66040f326 two months, we 4708a825f6 shared a few 806a8e2ea0 meals and kissed 38fbefc619 a few times.c84d7121711f8f0d

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After the start of 3c01afa4fa the new semester, that abda750d83 was all we did 613fc1bb8f on our dates.c368ccabb48bbb75

I held the 170300a089 jersey he received f0fefbf566 with tears in 8eec6b6f55 my eyes. My heart f852ebef4d was full b6290cbe87 of joy a9338b222b because I c780660a8e could hold 090913d4d4 the result dc8c65df93 of his 7b7d59a8e6 hard work 5c711788bb in my 9749e45928 hands and 2c63451387 rejoice with 659dbb3dac him.2b60bbc1a804c1a4

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“But is it okay 1d8dd7c602 for you to give 08fddd38d6 this to me? This is like the 6ad00617da first trophy you’ve ever bca491f573 received.”3cf34cf43d40b26b

“That’s why 03157923d3 I’m giving 5db258e753 it to e9f3c534f5 you.”ddf80df6fcc96ef7

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In the early 1d5b35617f stages of our 94111209d6 relationship, when I 9ada2a96d6 should have been 5dc3be84c2 happy to death, d9509c32aa I was a fce92ead19 little hurt because 3dc672bec2 we had to 3f2d9b66e0 be apart. The white jersey made e2b18fbac8 up for that. And his pretty d3ade2eb4a words as he ddc3c8f819 gave me something 589f3cd027 meaningful made my 091b454cec heart flutter.441fabdf2f861869

“What if your parents dff65c2ee5 are upset? This is 4d4890fcde the first e42e1dfe28 award their 444e638882 son has 2e37d4cb26 ever received. Shouldn’t you frame it 97e2a55147 and hang it in 80042ffd35 your house?”aa7faa7c53dccdc9

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I asked 1cf8401160 as I 980e23095c held the 81f2b4fe76 T-shirt to 619d41e9ea my chest. I didn’t 4d9f2d59c7 think I c84a0018ec could give 2edaf2333f it to e1534c73d0 his parents 5c87aefbcb even if fb9dd955c0 they asked, 652147217b but I dbf6bbf3ba still said 3fef99636a the words ca8cd2b34f anyway. I didn’t want 7efabe81a9 him to become 26816830f3 an unfilial son 0dfaf984d4 because of me, 3a770df859 but still…8244daf6b4957f25

“I thought 854ebd8bee you’d treasure cafde3df8e it more.”458f80053b2bf498

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He answered in 5f6723a696 a curt voice. It sounded like he 24284e199c was trying to comfort 8707279f38 me, so I smiled 4ebacdf766 and nodded.50ae63d8714ca826

That day, 5725feb580 we went c487242c68 to a 7c0308c6e3 hotel in 8978568a5a downtown Seoul, a722726a53 played with c1435886bf each other 392f577348 by smearing 62c7198161 white whipped b4a8be1c4d cream from c4e7096404 a cake 5f731403de on each 689615fe24 others’ bodies, 4634665ee8 and then e5c9d5c856 headed to 30903a5cde bed. In the 944ba28cb1 morning, I 8e61cd8097 wore the 5e1ea3a260 white jersey 20353940b9 he gave 8ba306f450 me and 9cad03e410 had sex fd4e94ba72 on top c3990854a2 of him de68d8ad81 for the cf627d32cc very first 5dd8445435 time.78f2c2b8b20485f8

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And we didn’t cf0eea32a2 see each other 9698e4d625 for a month a6c0a3d978 after that. Christmas was 64dd81c236 no different. New Years was 37792cbd46 the same. We couldn’t meet 987a6aed9c often, but that 5ff3a3278a made the heart 030db60665 grow fonder. I was proud of bee81ecc3a myself for having a c0178df91c healthy relationship where both a76a9ebdee of us were working 3f18f5365e hard to live our 9c7bdb164d lives.c4228b53d962d3d2

“I think I’ll c00c55d58c have to take 05a409a1bf a break from be53d9c5cc school this semester.”54dd889f8fb6aa50

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He had 6cbbf77d8d barely managed 6c6554e32f to attend d9c1b62830 classes last ccdd9d103a semester. The thought 2e57bfb402 of not 293789b35c being able ba090ce084 to see bddd3df51c him at 2968469174 school made c829f89896 my heart 444ed973c7 feel a f0d05aba4b little empty a88a6fbee1 inside.c946adbc5c6f4aab

“Then where are you 93de0d8306 going to train? Not at school?”da994d1528340761

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“I think 35e4c7c166 I’ll go 104dbd12ff to Germany.”15842cfc88a2aefa

The shocking news a685420f20 almost made me c5daa6c3da drop the latte 319c1a5c48 I was drinking 585c25d626 onto the floor. I tightened my 836a07ca42 grip on the 4347a8c006 warm cup with 4800931db5 my fingertips.86f7d47354edca16

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“Why Germany?”e4b40c4a82ec4b30

I knew that he 21520fecdd had been applying to 23fa50fcb1 several professional cycling teams. But he had been 6c17e59e38 rejected every time, so 0822d7b9fc I had never asked c7557032c1 him about the process 353f9bfd92 or the results in 8fb5f4c8b5 detail. And he was not d3f9404eb2 the type to talk 386fa632b9 about his failures in 30145ebbb1 detail.4581e1ec00a989b0

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“I applied last year, 41b7e7942d but I gave up 75feaa3451 because I didn’t hear 6bcfb84117 from them. But then I got 6176a41674 a call from a d467bb8627 team.”07776ba05fb78a5f

“Could it be… 776267cd21 Bora–Hansgrohe?”237ce883e8b29721

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It was 72f3e14216 a team 5fe95fe1f8 that had b003b2f7f9 a road 88907cf09a cyclist he 02f5cf06d7 admired. He nodded and 22360cbcc2 smiled awkwardly.75bed2db75c23147

“That’s great! That’s really great! Congratulations, Oppa!”d75bd7953d5322d9

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I put my latte e0418938b1 down on the table ae29ab6509 and hugged his neck. It felt strange. I congratulated him, but 268d611846 I couldn’t help but a279b84bb9 feel empty.433bdcbcb6f7d692

“When are you leaving?”d7f3d8cce17f70e3

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“Next week. I have c5edc41354 to leave add686f12a in a b517143d92 hurry. But I still have 6d9e0f1c6a to do my physical fe57e77163 exam, so nothing is 544d5fa76e certain.”a2564f8fe62f3d47

“But it’s rare for cab1f72a13 someone to fail a cb4ee00eb7 physical exam. You’ll be fine. Don’t worry. Okay?”0d4f95e267922307

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He looked at 157ed5c011 my face longingly e5d5ec9854 and gently stroked 2b14f74f93 my hair. We sat in 32116a3de3 the corner of bf5643b380 the cafe and b8590d4fc1 kissed.16385ab7f6794ac4

“Everything has gone well a04b2b8379 since I met you.”87daae20138bb262

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The words 6518d9e992 he spoke 9adb3169bc were magical 35e657db97 and rapturous. I felt a d39fe359ab sense of satisfaction 0a21eeb1f0 as if my 43f68bad5b heart had never e9ae361dd0 felt empty before.c698389e2bdc8333

“I guess it’s because ee2c124ea4 you unconditionally support me.”123bc0b2f95cfac4

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His lips gently touched d093a61e45 my forehead.630e3b9bd1bd34a5

“Then… I will unconditionally 787115c760 support you, Oppa. Unconditionally.”1e1332d948649a95

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I confessed f5b385ab6b that I 871e838a0b loved him ad3d17ed2c endlessly. I also e4b669c92c promised that 10bbdb5420 I’d never 24bba1e8aa abandon my b9fdc7282a support for 26e62bcf98 him no d7554a329e matter what 60a1e198e1 happened.974ed688c78c536b

He left for cf26f46f13 Germany as scheduled d769632c15 and settled down 29852f65cf over there. It became 790f9bb200 more difficult 7b59ff7596 to contact 7c1050a683 him than 65b1ae9786 when he 426f6093b9 was in d35b99b58a Korea. One day, he e63665d945 called me saying 4e81374b7d he was in d08d4f8bb0 Germany. Another day, b9b31c2ec6 he was d6f61a2124 in Australia 050229635c for training. And another day, 98c7460f63 he was in 3d3115203a San Jose, California.3bac2a8ab9cb8315

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His contact 81457081c7 information changed d89bf1f931 frequently, and 391f1c16e3 whenever he 6fded134e0 moved, I 57060fc43f would call a0504c86fe the temporary 2784e59ea3 number he 37ed0290c2 gave me, 0be4eb84ec but the 63db4dc677 time difference 2da6f4e14e and his d5d9372160 training schedule 92343f7fbd would not 925c025cde allow me 612484025c to get 4cdd9e3107 through. I would call 4e7d76a97a him dozens of 5d3971aa7f times without receiving d11e46b339 an answer, and a614805313 I would hear 6f2f30daca him apologize two 5a48558e6b or three times a3be2bccdc a week.2d5831525169559a

“What are 3423dc8d33 you sorry 330bedcc21 for? It’s not like you 5f013476ef didn’t answer on purpose…”36bfab3daeb0eca2

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Although I e40a58dff2 pretended not 8e6d14f451 to be 0f823843df upset, a e2c4fcb1de faint crack 68c3c302dd was forming 2dc3afcc93 in my 8ba65ccbe0 heart.f346ecd26e6d430d

It was a e0bc5d72c9 June evening, and 1d72aff661 I was busy 1e19ba3d0a with a final 21136107a2 project. I was b0366f1819 going to 08f039fc3e have to 8923d86f47 stay up 03fb61bd91 all night 0b3851c463 to organize 51bd73f5f1 my final 6e87dcf26d presentation materials. I had only been 015d2c5bc3 able to sleep for 36c8201910 four or five hours 302e037077 a day for over 0f3952ccaf a week. Since it b414d311fe was a f7eb38a64e required class 42592bac70 for my 9eda51dedb major, I f5339b6d45 was very e8b64375b7 concerned about 16cf2ea0b5 my grades.47ebb13a3de7be47

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It was around 8 e89131cfec PM when I got c08d201b89 a call from an 70fc29860d unknown number. I thought 7a77600dbc it was 41c9cd76c5 spam and cd5dc2cc68 ignored it.19d48ae5490d5982

[Milhee. It’s me. Please pick up the phone.]

My heart sank as ac3eecacf8 the text message flashed 64effd6aee on my phone. I heard his 7b214f7962 voice before the 7d26a6952a call even connected.768fb3ac8bed0fdb

— Are you 52e471be2d home? Or are 0ed3170a34 you at 0222cf1f75 school?e969c2af010eccb7

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“I’m at 7df3406940 home now.”06ba5ffdeefffdd7

— I 5bf75ed460 just arrived ee23a3b50e at Incheon 47f1be9deb Airport. I have training 973477fffd in Hainan, but 16f295f24f I insisted on c9f7e575f4 taking two days 8a674e7bea off. I’ll head over b3ca70ec1c to the front 0bd24eb722 of your house aa5e02bc7f now. Can you come out?caf7b1c7df05925d

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“Of course! I can go 204e52895b out!”30a1ef154290e6bf

He left for a242bbff93 Germany at the 0cdd671b71 end of January, 9b7e8e626a and it was a2a6046b6b his first return 233def3ba8 in five months. The man who deliberately 28abf35f32 skipped training and returned cb2e261e09 home was more important 2a9858ceb3 than my final grades. Having gotten 04c26ec028 a call 1f260cc4b2 that he fdc1bc6c04 had arrived b5f5be96dd at my 2c85049e16 house, it 150299c8ad was 9:30 95528bcbda at night 5d6e77d6c4 when I 8544e765c0 left.d3f38aba0a0cda92

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On a June 73fbedbc5d night, just before df676f49dd the hot summer, 16600600d4 tears welled up 96f8fb8c9a as soon as 55033bce8c I saw his 61428f2af7 face. I ran to him 0613d5fc24 like a child, hugged 83fc38310d his neck, and burst 0881474934 into tears. He hugged 66643cc249 me tight 76cbda1686 in his c3ef5be21d wide arms.d881b717bba37e25

“I missed you 4866c4246b so much.”f6ca6b74f5047361

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He buried his 870655b4fe face in the 34fa7a8d53 crook of my 93e89c3355 neck and took 14fef2c82f a deep breath.3b9492a207f20cb6

“Me too. I missed you 73c4ef71ac so much. That’s why I came.”e95a1a577cac7bdd

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He got into the d8ddbd57fa car he had rented 08ba9e62a3 at the airport and 6d571c8f09 drove through the city. It was 30d0f9d67e hard to ef4f8e5401 believe that 557f62f19f just an cf5210d2dd hour ago, 1bc4b984b6 I was 5d91f9dc09 buried in 7bb134ce27 schoolwork, but 6d657e3dc8 now I c6d78cbc81 was driving 7bdaabf74b down Olympic 9e7926b38c Boulevard with 8e8ed9d78d him and 7bfdc27e4a looking at 9fc7c622f5 the night 41089f1955 view.aefce10ce21a1ac9

“Why here?”8b23585482d7e756

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The car db49151b8b stopped at 13ca15ba47 Yeouido Hangang 4b71af8f5b Park.7ef39e404a33ba07

“I promised to teach b454649a90 you how to ride 74fab73178 a bike.”d9f7290fcfdead04

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He seemed to 52fa8eb7b8 remember the promise 0056a5cb21 we made on 26d4402482 our way back bda8c3452e to Seoul from 26d62f849f the amusement park bb2056d058 last year. I was e3ccdd6e3b so touched 2777f6a761 that tears 806a73d4b7 welled up c09f7057ee in my 28cad4f0b7 eyes. As he 460b36b515 made a 51f8a9a66f phone call, fee631e2dd a man c03b5af0d1 who seemed b30d903833 to be 2e4e0c5971 an employee 76c26bd887 of a d7e871420e bicycle company 16930565d3 came to b548cea157 where we 9980623895 were standing c9cd60cbae with two 2509656478 bicycles.5b6fab91c45e362d

“Where did these 998ccb6aa5 come from?”9db31163105825b7

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“The company that makes 7877e0866f my bike sent it 540a3127f7 to me.”f1b437b8b0728487

“That’s so cool!”e23af957f4be81e1

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I blurted out c9d43a4ddb my emotions without 3bffe220d4 any filter. His face, smiling 46b32b3344 with satisfaction, was be57c65555 truly a wonderful ec7679524a sight to see.d148830ca71737d7

The bike employee brought 921c00dc5c me a hybrid bike. It wasn’t as sleek be3554fa40 as the road bike 4ba4dd2e2f he rode, but I 3b3fd0d077 was scared as soon ae78a1cff1 as I got on e3d535e849 the saddle.82f031e00c65d1ac

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“Hold the handle 2f2a78ed8a firmly, and don’t 7787dbb0f2 use too much 05bc21fc21 force on your f70cf62326 wrists. Let’s say 9291fe32fe someone tries c780669f3f to take 85fa4dba8d the handle a2ac059840 away from 5e4f49af0c you. Just apply enough force 0d90227f78 so that you don’t ce60beef1c lose it. You don’t have to 2e6cf0cbbb hold it with all c678779375 your strength all the a6a4a4714f time.”d3644f194e394d44

“Okay.”397ba86cfbc2166f

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Don’t you have d91f78f1b8 to exert all cd9e66fb1c your strength to d034fc65eb avoid something from 5771f71a69 being taken away?8b241480e03acbb4

I didn’t 862bb196a2 know how 101f0b628d to relax. I could hearn 43fd151715 how to ride 7311f17d34 a bike step f5b3bc08c6 by step from 0abe5fa9b8 him, a professional, 92dede944f but I, who 89dc12ef58 was giving my db9b28f4ff all for love, b1a9742e56 was getting tired 0f599124da on my own.702725cb5f4253d5

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He came df8319b6df to Korea 250e72526b once every 8367419b37 few months, f14d5649ae and every 68ec341e55 time he dfa7920b38 did, I 0f65bfd2f1 rode my 1da9ffb855 bike along 19cec46498 the Han 706cb39544 River. Because I rode my 15cf7cb456 bike around even when 0ee6bcf8ed he wasn’t here, my c1107fa960 cycling skills improved day 650f7c8e4c by day. It felt great to 3206b377c8 ride bikes with him.f074ddb65e471e22

Every time I felt c3297dec10 a gentle breeze brushing e60fc3e488 my face, it felt a011fcc859 like a bit of a406146833 the sadness that had d593455fcd built up inside my f96a959c3c heart was being blown eaea2902f9 away.e4ccc4b810856640

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After riding bikes, 70b577aeac we headed to 01c35fe0ac the hotel in 741c361778 Yeouido without fail. His body, trained by 6c19ff0d2d a professional team, changed 91e2c1a47b little by little every d0d048743d time he came to e9ed9bf202 Korea. His muscles became tougher, 5354252af4 and his strength grew ca1bfdf175 stronger. The energy that burst 16e0f324a6 out of him in 16b471e301 bed was too much a6b77bb5f2 to handle.0a0bcea5f9e18e1e

“Hnng, aah! Nng!”13a73df5780af87e

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He grabbed 7172f8d6ee my hips e8378a22ec and thrust f979b01ca8 into me 006453edbf as I 796461ab50 lay on bffb8889d4 the bed. He quickly 65e8afeb22 turned my 14512630fb body over.3fbdab60b7053422

“Haa.”dc10f8eb6cbb47cf

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The sudden change e0ee81e634 made my heart af189ab62d beat uncontrollably fast. Thick arms supported my edf4245f77 lower abdomen. He adjusted 7ff5edb290 my posture da54700ed1 so that b0c9e88d62 my buttocks edb4d696db rose up d5708da44a into the 0c74dda393 air and e783bbf974 penetrated me 98d6c779ad from behind. The hand that had cb3914e9b9 been caressing my lower 148f5e13ab abdomen moved down and c44019b886 began to rub my 89dd2a5c3b clitoris, crushing it underneath 32ebe53556 his fingers.3b65e96b60841fb1

“Haahng, Oppa… Aaaah!”45c3dd2589e5a5cb

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I cried, sobbed, 7a6784c8fe and screamed. After feeling a8c4a4411e the pleasure eb987682d9 course through 6c843ca0e8 my whole 23d5f865bc body like 2eb1909387 lightning several b12994089f times, I e4f493eb3e was finally f7349e415f able to 8239569998 catch my b405fdd018 breath in 791ff21436 his arms. He groped 9bbf435a7a my chest, 769c0f2666 bottom, and 0b40924934 entrance all 7a8db9e1af night long, 6e53634923 and no 3f7ed39c28 matter how 3dda4d20b0 many times 5b9b1fe323 he dug ad4c43615b in, he 7bbb1922c8 kept pushing dfe56a9659 as if 452d8024c1 it wasn’t b9a88f94a5 enough.95ef9648773a4ddc

I was often 210c1a60dd exhausted after having 0e3b024048 months worth of bc2a6e4515 sex in one c14a562c3b night. He would kiss f01250f68e my cheeks and b1379408bb the inside of aa518d0b24 my neck as bd8c5c53cd I slept while 7b84baad09 he pampered me.45ab537724d0f852

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“This is really the 9623acabb9 first time I’ve ever 90a75ca482 felt this way.”5422031deff65246

When I heard dc2a9c8789 his drowsy voice, 9c4a964cb6 my eyes slightly 3e814a238b opened.4609ca76051c6819

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“I keep 902beb14ab wanting to 4e43257b1d put my d5c5cb0008 lips on ec6e446359 you. I want 45121b9823 to hug 22ab7fa03b you. Things like that.”78dbf1e9d11e2af8

Although he didn’t 0422ce0dee always tell me 8b575bb8bb sweet words, he 3d1e0ab7be would often say 2fa252f2d9 something that would e72993ae30 give me the 990e60b23f strength to continue 9f99df7b03 living.3691f9629cf55982

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“How can you endure 1e3e5fa242 it when you want 8cd527858c it so much?”4caf11b01e964acc

I asked a69db4f0e8 in a 0910bae408 voice that 22e69554e2 was hoarse d7e7048ade from all 4a7321708f the moaning.a3fd88d49c057932

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“I endure 85b8017de6 it to 14c8c93437 death. If I really feel 12e8311092 like I’m dying, I 1ffc55aba6 do it by myself. While I think e2b0243da2 about you.”f23eef4844360de4

The dirty 195bb33bf5 words spilled a0184fd69f out without 818e4944ee hesitation. I buried my 6baeedbce4 face against his 192fbfcaf7 chest and sighed. A faint sense of de6f5eb6e0 anxiety washed over me. He was good 536c3fafd9 at sex. And I liked a6527ed8a8 it. He was full of a7048f576e energy. What if d78409edde we were f0a1445d38 apart for 2350511deb a long 40a433d3ba time and dbd982601d his instincts 2170c1d9d0 wavered?d572668db5cbc871

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“Can we do it 4fba059216 again?”25dc314b2306eaf4

He asked as 9c80e621a2 if he were ba3b91afa1 committing a sin. I lifted my head deda157545 and looked up at f0325ec804 him. I smiled faintly, hiding e6c1de350c my worries, and nodded.fe4255ea856542e2

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As I c5fbc8e1f4 was leaving 9ffc682777 the classroom 92ab7fa61f after my 75ba4751e9 morning class, 617c362a12 Heesu grabbed f79e4fce0d me. It was already d395bb342b March of my b10b552d83 senior year in 7df213cfcf college.a822acef2e4a948b

“Oh Milhee! You came to class 9beaedee2d today?”3f4be31585b0d9fb

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“Yeah. Is there any d22f14296e reason why I a68e5e2957 shouldn’t come to ceda6050d6 class?”67f6334f497ca95a

“Oppa is home now. He’s probably sleeping. Try calling him on 73463ef69e his cell phone that a01cc95cb8 he uses whenever he’s 3f5f2c40b6 back in Korea. No, wait. I can 8a298ed9db just give 3b573482b2 you our 21a77f28ba home address 85bcfa3295 and the 8502cbcc21 passcode to 6c514603a9 our front 23852adcb1 door.”cb923b5d8531635d

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I felt a e854058b56 little bewildered by 4132d47316 Heesu’s words. He was 032b91e509 always the acfb2aafb9 one who 1cec6845c2 called me 7e5a876de3 as soon b8d654aecc as he 383aa453e5 arrived at efce0f4f43 Incheon Airport. But when Heesu d8f74c3cd3 said he was 1bc79f8407 sleeping at home, 3fb58ddc82 my heart started 264931874e beating unsteadily. When I met 4cc88412fc him last Lunar a28e45421e New Year, he ca09f03d26 had said that 689922924e he probably wouldn’t afa6373ba0 be able to 6de6c2fac4 return to Korea 824975d9c1 until the summer 64f5ad155b season ended.fa5d5b395f98725d

Whatever the case, I wanted to see him more than anything. I had a scheduled meeting with my advising professor, but I called the teaching assistant and canceled it, saying I wasn’t feeling well.fe64606126418344

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I took a d2ebaffcfa taxi straight to 7c36de5eeb his house. It was an apartment c1643ec915 in an expensive neighborhood 477cc2bbf2 with a redevelopment banner 4986543e7e fluttering in the wind.2cc63f07f9be56d1

Standing in front 1600ad4c34 of the front 9c19bec0e6 door, I hesitated. Should I just open 0a92c25737 the door and go 58be7819d1 in? Should I call first? I was 675dbd7555 intimidated by eaf9988a92 the fact f78d74b93e that he e0a750fcad didn’t come 44b800df30 to me 0f6067b75c as soon 5456eaf54d as he 661e648486 arrived in 1da44f19d0 Korea.727197198a44f6c5

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What kind of a8095f02ae change of heart 4124260539 has he had?803dda3510e46f0d

We haven’t seen each 43fd60409a other for two months 8b605ea053 since last winter. He had given up 497c771301 on returning to school 4d846306d3 after taking a leave 9bd6a90a8c of absence last spring. He was c709d4947e now more 2419a9f117 accustomed to 7b5009bc56 living in 495ad72a6a Europe than 1ca4f41f98 in Korea.242c17d86468ee24

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I took e5a9e0ac93 a deep 7ab14adec8 breath and cf300161b3 called him. His cell a54e478246 phone was 076c67f571 turned off c4beacd04c as usual.cf02bc5ad7d15841

If his cell phone a6e583eb9a had been on, I 11f8e6d3fd wonder if he turned 9a568d61bd it off because he 85052dadbc was afraid that I 77f5009d99 would notice he came 6d564fe53b back to Korea.d297519b900e5fe7

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The only way 04e2b00135 to calm my ea0660aea1 anxiety was to ac5ee7ba39 face him. I entered the passcode 5983766d81 Heesu had given me, 871d921538 opened the front door, f1cb00677c and went inside.6a887b0d4084c9b7

The air inside 07c22678cf the house was d9da76b7be cozy and peaceful. In the hallway, I b6fd704c30 saw what appeared to d7242eb722 be Heesu’s sneakers, stylish 5938a36b25 women’s shoes, and his 56a613cb77 sneakers. My eyes 2668c771a0 lingered on 8e7d750091 the women’s 59d7de398d shoes. My heart pounded.7938737a1fc810bc

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‘The room ad47e4510e at your 54e6f91771 immediate left c731372af0 after passing 51a5d7a29a through the 2e2c0e9f62 middle door 95749ed85b is Oppa’s 1a06615bd7 room.’e39053fa3dfe2b49

I carefully 5de46176cd pushed open f8c841c21b the glass 6cb66347f3 door and 3553096311 went inside. His bedroom door 6393d197f5 was slightly open. The women’s shoes in cd4f573b70 the hallway kept nagging 6346e2b3c7 at my nerves.88570aa015108fd2

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What if a4baba7b79 I opened 163cd63b12 the door 5797c38c49 and someone f7cb7702fc was inside 1c7463e491 with him?2ecb18c3a0111773

I slowly 00f5e5d13a pushed open da6e98d837 the door. I sighed in 8e1fb3620b relief when I d553c98255 saw him lying 34605cdce9 on the bed, 98bf240300 sound asleep. He must 5b196ab20b not have 52c1602eee changed his 77ad3583c6 clothes because 2a39b4c2c9 he was 3341cb6f2c wearing a 8494534076 black tracksuit. A black cap 87da62598b that seemed to 3854f56fa2 have fallen from c2f8e98405 his hand that 9c09745b5b was stretched out 7216fedff7 on the bed 678cd808ff was lying on 126c69a5c0 the floor.71fc154d65eee6a4

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I approached him stealthily, b624c0ce93 grabbed his hat, and 598c98381e sat on the edge 28741dfea8 of the bed. His long eyelashes spread 6351bedeff beautifully over his face. I didn’t want to 91fa01ae22 wake him up, so 22df426e2d I stared at him 36e863cdd7 for a long time. I wanted to 62d3b54ab9 look around the c39fed1326 room, but the 1c166df892 man sleeping right 4781ab8f81 in front of d17e0a06f8 me was much adfee5732b more fascinating.e1f76d77a53d070b

Just like fe468021e5 he did 7e912e8535 when I ed3c86058d was asleep, 29f1658965 I lowered 7ad8524c7c my head a1268de6de and kissed ff4e41c4d4 his eyelids. His lips slightly parted 5c7e614232 as he let out da11cfcad9 a sigh. Then, as if he 3ece38aae4 sensed something was off, 4b2fc2ce7a his eyes burst open. His eyes were still 65e22c3a06 filled with sleep, and d3eb7e2f50 they looked pitiful.b48ee9e488c13a5b

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“Is this a ebe24f8e4a dream?”009ea54873e6a9ee

He asked in bewilderment.5e495a1f16c298dc

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“No, it’s real.”e0df993bc6ef784f

I smiled and buried 6d444cd441 my face into his f73aa98c46 chest. But it wasn’t 61e6756cc9 the cologne I 5d0c1da58b usually smelled. An unfamiliar a2f33e3107 musk scent 515ffe7b38 swept through f08c62dbad my nose, 2652735dd9 and an 8406514f85 unfamiliar breeze 565e4de39a blew through 5c8f4dce93 my chest. He hugged my waist f30a9ffb42 and reversed our positions.330862cd55558fc6

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Now I was fd755edc9b the one lying 6ccc800253 flat on his 6113fe0183 bed, and he 9b93834c80 was the one 1a6ed0437a lying down on 5af2c99e6e top of me.d15b86b656dc88b8

“How did this d516fa81b0 happen?”261c40c4ef0ac2d7

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“Heesu let 16a451fb96 me know.”62fd58ab9b068566

I pouted apologetically, and db634911d3 he brought his lips 20b76c17c1 to mine. The fleeting kiss was 134a04e57e so sweet that it 099546477e made my heart ache.93b404499950d602

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“You should have 0fa26f3ad6 called.”ceb98d6dbc8f2e64

“I did, but… your 8af330a277 phone was off.”5b92e64c9a620a63

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He stretched out his a1d160e148 hand to the nightstand 4489e95758 next to him and 8105754bd4 pulled out a cell 7d831e1222 phone from the drawer.ed9edf29047f351a

“So it is.”e881ba67610252c4

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His tone 63242c2da5 was indifferent 28ca06a8da as if 4b625cb311 he hadn’t f2ee4a93b8 thought about 3bc5bdc334 it. He sat eaf39bcca1 up quickly e6b51aceae as if 341680a778 he were 1ba96c9c30 going to fa46cf4491 pounce. Then he connected dc6a1b4380 his phone to 60d6adab83 its charger. He took off his 4da28693c0 sweatshirt and sighed.d371ae269368e9e5

I felt like I’d 996b6f53e6 caused a ripple in daf187b7e4 the cozy and peaceful 2d199bc29f atmosphere of the house. I was 83f983bcf0 not happy 584569461d because I 16bc10e0cc felt like 9155918be2 he wasn’t 868a654f16 welcoming me a5b53314c6 either.30917e79e64146cc

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I should 8db901da71 have just fda5086b76 waited for aeb6b43307 his call. I shouldn’t have rushed 33ee0eb2e4 over right after hearing 17b8c20ee8 Heesu’s words.11768ce679414557

I still 995c2331aa didn’t know b4d1820618 how to 4af698cfac relax in b22f47ee16 front of 4cac4585ba my first b1bc5d9a9f love. All I could 09f2e7e02c think about was 92f0b7a38d hugging his wide 89854a4c75 back. I went 1373614610 over to 911fd56283 him as 9a0ae67979 he was 9b2b2194b2 changing his 2e6d4c1933 clothes. As I hugged his b71ab9e455 back that was covered 9985b01e84 in a white T–shirt, 0c879d6c00 the unfamiliar cologne grew 72699abf27 stronger.e545b64faa2426a9

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Normally, I would d8bb1ee908 have smiled and 1303163016 commented that his 7e98f34972 cologne had changed. But the words and 654547968f the smile did not 96bfd78de4 come easily.adda25a01d218208

“I missed you.”991414cf1778e0aa

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He sighed and 1712aadbca shrugged his broad 71435daf39 shoulders at the aedf4c81fe faint words I 7317675e47 barely managed to c59e6616bb utter. Suddenly, I 2b10c497b9 thought that c3b9df47d2 the size 3e22605542 of his c94fc7b1b7 heart and 979f81ab43 the size e09f51acd2 of mine 08b75b8a22 were not 7f87f659a4 the same df0ab4f6f0 as before. I nuzzled his hard, dc9f4145ed indifferent back. It was only a e21bb2efdd change in cologne, but 765fa0b289 I had the foolish af3512db09 thought that he was 3520823b50 no longer the man 3f29d1369f I loved.3a21b53bdecbcbdc

“Ah, me too.”5203cb382a0ec304

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He answered briefly. Then he continued 17df5f4a68 in a gloomy 4351a70df8 voice.9345d516a7ea900d

“I was b20500f8dc going to 5d835bf675 take a f776bced92 quick nap 87056c7157 and call ccda525b19 you. Sorry. For not 1ef36e6bec calling you 456ac2889e right away.”284b028ca43ebf50

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Whenever he a01089e746 had something dbed96c995 to apologize fa3c7ecf1b for, he’d 1a6a6b60f0 always look 233ab4876e into my 791a13e743 eyes and 50e28861cc talk to ffbc068ce7 me. He would a2ed9418b6 hold me 1dc8605956 in his 7968a78be7 wide arms, 0245c26794 caress my fe7bc3dc76 face, kiss a2efa4ffaf me, and 120d7aa81a reassure me 138f26245b that there 9f00b07b5c was nothing c74a41c566 to worry d334956b0e about. But now, it 1f02374129 seemed like he a24c99876b had no intention 9e1f6d2b94 of making eye b15a84ded0 contact with me.3d1056ee9cec344b

“I came 84311442eb because Heesu c7e6b9dddf told me. Is this all 74d911bed9 too sudden? Sorry.”35b693cfb373f778

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I tried to ccce53f1f1 calm my emotions b8f48a7362 by saying the 842e1c238d same thing over a72293585d and over again, 4d1c6bc2fd and I offered 7d4dbbad5c a half-hearted apology. It was very 3617bdc3bb difficult to pretend 2430566fff nothing had happened.2bd1cb5b39c6a0ed

“What are 6cdad723b4 you sorry 19e2b8028a for?”af1b8458237014a2

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He turned c09ef32a91 around and 2c645ce10f asked in 86ffcca1a1 a slightly e2a59ae63b irritated voice. I became extremely anxious c1372c864c as his body pulled 02baa238fd away from my arms.422f4f288d8c0a01

His large hands cupped 21d90418c7 my face. His dry 2eec58b0ca lips gently 57d0374aba pressed against b754607a7d my forehead. I squeezed d67b0e0d7c my eyes 08d5c8e211 shut as 6273aaa58d if to 4f54145b13 stop the 1992e43cf9 tears from ed682a0e74 falling.b79a4f76e8996ccb

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“I’m going ad472321da to go f147e63118 take a 6c6296f2d3 shower. It’s been over 03a7ac0db1 a day since 670b2b00c1 I last washed.”b471820b0e14de57

His tone clearly fc42c993cd sounded tired.2465bfb91a5be34f

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While he 134898592a was washing, d4e179b45e I sat 3d1f2c4d47 on the 2f6a30de0f bed and 382dfad444 looked around dc4b827ff9 the room. It seemed like 189212a433 he had stayed b3eee0c6cd in this room 22b045321e for a long fcde1d830a time, but it 49fdeaeb8b didn’t feel like ad02ca9651 his room, so 4f06a9ff12 it felt strange 41db58cec6 and unnatural. There was 040b89ada3 only a 7b5c8a4647 small closet, 89c84bd1ef a five-drawer b6d0c4e841 cabinet, a a54e357c77 small bookshelf, 08c267dbf7 a desk, b62f0c3b8c a bed, a89fab09ec and a c2d066fb61 side table.cead133eb59c6efb

The bookshelf was 944c1bc741 filled with books 1b76bab541 he no longer 1d70df90ab looked at. There was no 9f963c0719 trace of anything ad92cc6283 related to cycling. If someone 94d8bfdcdc who didn’t fe44b6fe71 know him 29d870ae4c saw this 8dec520540 room, they c1d4b5b487 would probably 9e61f14c5c think it eee8d25a29 was just 9f4f2dba18 a regular adb221d432 college student’s df809cfa0b room.a051ac0acb39d411

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Heesu said 5cb2bdc404 that he 385ca91e6c lives with bc73c0ca07 his aunt d786de20b2 and her.68dc2e79c21a3e10

Then where was his 5c80b929db hometown?f43ee78babae94e8

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He didn’t talk much 60e15f1718 about his family. But whenever e4c260eca5 we met, 85f2cc5cf6 he would 1104490f81 quietly listen f7eb8a94b4 to me. Whenever we met every 8dc19443b4 few months, I had a46480f52c a lot to talk 6c958e7cb3 about, and he liked c018068d90 to listen to me 0aa2ac04b6 with a smile.d2cb71e52773bec3

He seemed dc65018a3f to be 4dda88715f living away 779eeb5780 from his a7b807ca7c family, but 9ad13657b2 there was 1671fa20cb not a d2f5239706 single framed dae1bb6d33 family photo 04fe6ccb42 in his 5abfc2af74 room.b23395026b25d545

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Well, I guess that’s possible.edbdc7a1f1f33ac7

Instead, there 69642e7ec4 was a 91fd5f8e7c framed photo c95b3d04fb that was db373f9aae no bigger 2fc8d4874a than my 71c6e09fbe palm on 86433654e5 one side ddccbc2856 of his ee17abcc9c desk. The frame 081ce452ee was decorated f9092c2366 with various 7afd52a8e2 words, and aa6e6c2237 it held 28d1e938a0 a black b610bb67bc and white 2bc9d68afb photo of a24ad85c6f a woman dc1eb58cb7 in a 7a052eabea hanbok. I stared at e4016b4540 the woman in 7b193a76d4 the photo. It was difficult to 9800f2dd65 tell how old she c73bdc05fb was, but she definitely 8401d25383 gave off a youthful ad4eff7f89 impression.31056e8d0856aea0

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“My grandmother. My maternal grandmother.”db08ac56793b85c7

He came into 3dcc313798 the room and 5b54e2bb40 approached the desk. He took the a0adebde39 frame from my 5c12e064a6 hand and looked 85c7d6df04 at it with 8ffa9d199b indifferent eyes. There were no 5c333937a8 other family photos. The only ee8a0fd234 photo seemed 58f2bb15f4 to be 45059da6b3 that of c09bb1b4a5 his grandmother, f8661720d0 so he 20536ee34e must have 8355f0075d treasured it 90dc262082 quite a 7ce45080fe bit. Now that e26e72a381 I think f7e6e41d7a about it, 41c56a6d82 there wasn’t 7ba2d105ce a photo b30072f2b7 of me d136f54089 in his 71f4a828eb room either.b3b96992d3ee1f41

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“My grandmother 8d94fdfe5d raised me.”02a0de6aeb8a58c0

There are ae42258de8 many children ea2551e42d who grow 987995ca5a up in 4c68a1ff05 the care 35ffbd34f9 of their 81df0ba2fd grandmothers. It could 7aa64f6541 be because fc8b5dbd2e their parents 530159d4b1 are busy 0796ac0080 with work, 22769cefe8 or…efd98698f353e4e6

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I couldn’t even a5cfb48875 think, much less fd439cfc5c utter a word. He hugged f012013e10 me by 9be6305574 the waist c18c5220a6 and emitted 5afc287628 the familiar 5b9cddb572 scent of b4f4aa50e1 his cologne. He nuzzled my shoulder, d7e9431528 turned the picture frame 9c446dd153 over, and placed it 1cd2850256 on the desk. Then he 80513d4b69 cupped my 48141fbe79 chin with 41ce5a8f89 his other 2511da8eb1 hand that 9e64388888 wasn’t around fdfc9e4e94 my waist 1e92033326 and began 196bf3869b to kiss 9845a72724 me.b17ddfd44325e7df

His tongue quickly slid 27497d8b24 into my mouth. I felt a chill 11565607db as I tasted the 740dcf9189 cool mint. It was ec43669095 a shame 0ccb95e2c4 that his c7acd9ea88 sweet breath 52381e6d7a was buried a9a470ea80 in the e3f70a7e75 scent of 44d2636503 toothpaste.d11f4e1c82b160c0

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“Hmm.”ca3b6c390c109a53

A faint moan 2a8f8a6b41 escaped my lips. I stepped c59d6a45d3 back as be19c023bd he dove 2353693a7b in. He held my waist 87a67e3433 and laid me down fd6b8786e0 on the bed. The tongue that b41c9c27fc had been swirling c87b80fc47 around my mouth b2cddc54e5 licked the inside feedc8f484 of my throat.61f29706a7bc99d1

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“Haa.”df94e918059393a5

It didn’t seem edca427b19 like anyone else 8c68c64239 was home. Lying on the b2379f865c bed in the e728894320 room where he 44808e72d1 spent a lot 50e6af52b4 of his time 13a6cb4c83 felt strange. What would it be 0401864a57 like to hold a 6f2a96b87a woman in a place 7c1256ae33 where he had spent a85afc2fde his time dreaming of f16092ae91 the future?d4654dfa676c0c11

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He looked down 6d36c4288a at me with e2448fdfdd aroused eyes and 1638c95454 took off his 4c820ff6a5 T-shirt. His urgent hands 252d901d3f took off my 1612b294bc cardigan, and my a5daf16b6f underwear was soon 833f4231b6 revealed.113de328081a6d20

“Hnng.”cfc7e97678cb5fde

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Perhaps because the atmosphere a9bce4b51d was different from that 525a8ae049 of a hotel, a 0c1b7b7983 low moan escaped my 5b3bbe10b7 lips. I was naked in b7aff7bdc0 no time, and he 45c9fef426 plunged deep into my e9b5f50a8e body.103002bed384ef24

“Aaah…!”50597db6722cc100

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The small bed creaked b2f92be1f1 whenever he moved. His movements were 0bb85f2c1a so violent that 189da44166 I thought the f4a1e48689 bed might break.5bcce028c1c4a9ba

“What’s wrong?”231918aaade5d1e3

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He looked 7b991e2b03 down and 3c8d0e277b asked when 2f64336313 he saw a46b9d3cdd me awkwardly c55f10f291 holding my 6f89029f38 breath.f961473a1bd58f5e

“What if f1101d67e0 the bed aa99028ff6 breaks?”2a4ced5c37f355fd

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His slightly dazed 112a73ce87 eyes smiled at 297fb857f4 her.17d318e28aad73fe

“It’s okay. Even when I come e3d4dd2431 back to Korea, I 0af9dae1d2 don’t sleep here. I spend more days fd32f0a7c1 in a hotel bed c6c69e90b3 with you.”69190e44a389a596

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His smiling lips 735e0f6605 touched my cheek. The strange 4133102c89 anxiety that 55e90702fe had covered c568719ae2 my chest 345410aa1b like a c6108987ee fog began 6d6a348b11 to slowly 6de1207b1c disappear when 23c3fb8b87 I saw a22c578f71 his smile, 64ac6542d2 which was 80d7987f75 like a 41cc43c84f ray of aec15de0b3 sunlight.382c22e50145e557

He fiercely 6ba0ef8edb sucked the da550e7ff8 side of d42102cbee my neck.3b41aa581b398f7c

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“Nnnng.”f93f1d45c8eb748c

The moan 4bf0334698 was a 063fe19e31 little louder 4c0563aad8 than before. I wasn’t 18637a625b feeling uneasy b0604e04fc because of ad64dac64d the unfamiliar 8868282770 house and d1d0c5832e the unfamiliar e01a2fc6c2 cologne. It was 8a7dd6310b probably due 00d80c943b to his 5acd9fb459 behavior, which e406a9acd2 was different 7a6067b978 from usual 71db642b50 and seemed 56a63ff863 rather apathetic. When I saw him 9e07196757 holding me and not 68b22af311 knowing what to do, 9afce9c895 my heart grew tired.1e326c4da0307859

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I looked up 7b5764be00 at the shaking dcde4ada23 ceiling and shivered 8ad98a5791 at the familiar b87a76cea9 pleasure. As usual, he 1df15b69b7 kissed me randomly 21ff30ed6b on my face aa9e5493e7 as he panted 4f3608e1d0 for breath.6d1a8e59160b9d8b

Until our heavy breathing 69fc7171b7 and pounding hearts calmed b10a259144 on the small bed.27bd6ea2493ea08b

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He spread four of a378d9ece4 his fingers and stroked afef8ae39d my shoulder as if ddd64140cd he were playing an 2699cda24a instrument. I rested 53102f7525 the side 542af6ea42 of my 784efe99c3 face against 03d9705468 his chest 8495ac53a2 and stroked 4984c06e9b his flat 470e12a27c stomach. His stomach gurgled.492e8394e59d3d61

“Are you hungry?”1493a8accf9514f5

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I asked, 5845466f7e lifting my e59ab2c81b head. He blushed in embarrassment.9763762bc32d28d6

“Yeah.”7caae0c412f45158

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“Then we 955f427412 should go da66efe27f and eat b004262b6e something.”77de5b524c274ff1

As I stood up, 99d2744b9c his gaze immediately turned 99155faf38 to my trembling breasts. He lifted 3b8b06356e his upper a29ea27f4e body slightly 165648ba33 and brought 19946532cc the tip 0c224baea0 of my 87a567f125 breast inside 07878ecb12 his mouth.7e929c6b787832e6

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“Nnng.”f039ee719782c49e

I automatically d84fce82c2 spread my 4e99f57ecc legs and 17c6fd757d climbed on 3fc7d0009a top of 004b7c752d him. I brought my 81813ee471 lips to his 8d6a589959 chest. I could 6502b9f09a feel the 29651e324c goosebumps forming 6619c9544d on his 35fd454458 skin whenever a56968a3e4 I scraped 3288c1ad07 his nipple dc69c9189b with my 4497d86e4c teeth.65ece7b80b7dca8c

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“Haaahng. Oppa…”6d636f9821c43f75

My hips instinctively began 714fb7f0a8 to rub against his 5ad3451c12 firm stomach. Every time my pubic 18b84d5035 hair dragged against him, 94074fe7cf a strange piercing pleasure 789a780581 shot through me. He took out e676a812ec the last condom d52379d1db from the small a67a03bec0 box on the ae3ea15353 nightstand. Without changing his position, e0d72831ed he pushed in from 779693c6d0 below.a5a35029291b6346

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“Hnng.”b7bb8af6eb8e55b3

Maybe it was 7c1dc236f4 because my body 92b45f328e was pushing down af8ac744a3 from above, but 7f14e641d4 in this position, dd3c959498 he seemed to 035454941b fit even tighter ebf4b841dc inside. Every time 4190680085 I moved, 914598bb44 his abdomen 43ba245666 rubbed against 57c7b248e5 my sensitive 0633d3091c flesh, doubling 282691dca5 the pleasure.d6629ba936146acc

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“Nng, nnnnng.”266501d3298d886b

In broad daylight, on 34dd775bf0 his bed with the 6037013b5b spring sunlight streaming in, 61d68f4ae7 I wantonly moved my 27f14179df hips. Every time I 51eded775a moved my hips, b8b899c9ab he looked up 9d0943850e at me with dc3473b978 dazed eyes and 21fd5285db his mouth half 42bea78931 open.3962ac4790a54255

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“Haaahng.”aeb2ed527333f7c5

A tingling sensation 0bd99e6b70 rose from my bd6719d115 lower abdomen. My thighs b6cd9a34ea were already b69e3442a7 too weak 3ab3a0203e to move 51fd416c47 more vigorously. I licked 8faad0db34 my dry ac71832993 lips with 8a19529246 my tongue, b8a742feb0 feeling disappointed. Suddenly, I 9fb9186e42 heard the 3bac6a7286 blanket being 19e0f289c8 swept away. He sat up 59f6cfee6c and buried his 9ad1978349 face into my c36741cf37 cleavage and drew 27889bedc0 in a deep e9f4a880b5 breath as he 1537c9704e thrust his hips d31fd9e828 up.6bd23596c20d841e

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I placed bb3636b1be my forearms fcd611cad0 on his 8c769cd845 broad shoulders, 026bcac413 fixed my e61f34ebe4 posture, and 5021c508f0 swayed my fd06cbd142 body to 9abefee25c his rhythm.3d80e47141498f34

“Nng, nnng, aah!”aa0fa630685694a0

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The moans became edc7dd9d50 more intense. I couldn’t 5b3e1d7efd even tell e17c90bd89 where I 03cb04336d was. It was difficult to b8fdfc48a6 lower my voice despite f4f5703816 the fear of the e55f34ccdb sound leaking out of 25f32676ff the bedroom. He stared ec30ee7733 at me 7db572c5be with his b1eca96833 eyes wide 6e7bb52f1d open, my 2a71fca66b breast in 73715273a6 his mouth. He was looking at b396d246ad me with a persistent 521d4ef77d gaze filled with desire.ed966e31f5f941f2

“Hnnnng.”e4e14246237b2bc4

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The moment when I couldn’t even let out a moan finally arrived. My eyes squeezed shut, and my back arched. He plunged deep inside until the end and fiercely sucked my breast. My legs wrapped around his waist and grew stiff. The inside of my thighs trembled.0095c98309dbb0d0

Did the sex c0d6ba854e ease my heart? Or is 164bb1490a it that c725a55f2a you can 30b7b8737c have sex e982bcc49e because your a472f5daa0 heart was 991e78becf at ease? And now, 502501550c even our 6480c99abf relationship was f63af0b8da confusing.2a57801c81ea6b49

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“Do you want to 9e1fb127bd grab something to eat?”c9e956a473e41a8a

He asked, still buried abe2929188 inside me.85f14de46efd468a

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“Yeah.”0dfd5bf0e69a2331

“Did you 623722ffb8 not have 8b7327e1fe lunch yet?”ddc6921869be07eb

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As soon 47a707ac62 as my 3f8d4e7e52 morning classes 176a04da93 were over, 47139ec9b7 I rushed 2cb51573bc over to 2856b6d5cc his place, b81230dd31 so of fb879657f5 course I 765843b91b didn’t have 1f794efec0 lunch. I got d97ef9883d dressed and 566d48c7a0 had a b29161e087 little fun 1fe4d7e6ee with him a889fae33a as we a9d48fab7e left his 21c24087f0 room.f30cb26b1f2d7d3c

“Stop it. It tickles.”023a53a0dfcac782

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Whenever we were ebfde7b8ab together, he could f21fd747ca never keep his aaa1b0e69a hands still. He would rub my b55d4a51c0 waist with his big 6ca4c863ae hands and never stopped cfebee3538 his playful touch.c493d1afaab62535

“You’re home?”a2a0195f4d316b29

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The sudden a4c28f53ea sound of 9e218558ba a woman’s 6007b9a99a voice was 362eedcaf1 like cold 1c2d04a239 water being d6138cbcb3 splashed on ae97ebe8c9 the back 952ac84583 of my 24df9af9ad neck. I froze, 7dc8c449f0 still holding a760da1fdf onto his 381d587106 hand. The woman 494f6be829 was sitting 0be5c55f74 on the f363c032b9 living room 3cb68335c9 sofa with 5323d25461 a cushion 15d35d9894 and a c21c89afa3 laptop on 46dfb5c8dd her lap. The atmosphere b9d9e3bb14 was unspeakably f089515321 cold.48ee22ef51e5e006

“When did 3b652ff934 you get bc7a9b9000 back?”22920b8a74e726d1

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He asked in 787331ab78 a bleak voice.c57dabd68152d2dc

“Who…?”a5c285c6b3703e19

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The woman did not 4c67bcbcb6 answer his question and a62e5a687a instead turned her gaze fb9529b47f to me. She looked like 13659b254e him but also 6693f59300 did not. She looked like c16df16916 she was in f9cff98a6a her mid-thirties.6d5fc050c13406bc

“Hello…”c3c86333fb0ab3e7

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I bowed my ad1fb9631b head and greeted fdb6cfaf0f her in a 93988a4534 crawling voice. The gaze of the 71a735a063 woman who must have ca05fad4af been his aunt turned d7ebd2b2c2 to our clasped hands f98c8ef02c then back up to cdf8b49627 my face.7e9d15f707169556

“I didn’t know you bc9c9f5196 had a girlfriend.”b593f99dbcb8f361

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A distant smile spread 9ac457f1f5 across the woman’s face. It was 2de264362f a smile b2b99a1212 that was cef5cfb15e very similar e61ae9415c to his 238ddc78b3 personality.73d8cb9c305f6456

“I came back 3fd9000f1f to have some 052b7f0203 lunch, but it’s b2ca6afda7 not like I e25b1ee079 could have knocked 6f10858fd0 on your door.”ba2179cf706c1faa

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I blushed and lowered ff1bdaf5a1 my head.0580330a9bce9772

“You should e527b65951 have called.”b51e86a5ac86f4f6

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He said 3ad197ab7e the same c8797c6cb0 thing he f98cbc4e30 had said 9ea18d2acf to me, 464301c401 but his 623a53889f tone was 8dc6e11d6a completely different. There was 0b4179dc49 a hint dd2f20548b of annoyance 5735a6cc5c in his ed7f7c6c5a voice.bcab2bc18bd05d42

“Your phone 5f784a282e was off. Let’s eat. I brought fd083bd32d you your 90711ad7e3 favorite beef ea8e4b74a8 tartare bibimbap.”bdba1a7b14d3117a

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I didn’t even know 7488adf7a0 he liked beef tartare b8ffdbcc3a bibimbap.ab58dc95d99d87ed

Three people 85690c5061 sat around 0bf47c76c1 a table 080123dd92 for four. It was a meal 1dfb9ec850 that consisted of two 06e5746a2d servings of beef tartare f3e1ce903b bibimbap, side dishes of 0b9548f84b picked vegetables, and potato cb0c884754 pancakes. He poured the well-mixed 4b5bbb5e6d beef tartare bibimbap into 6a50e45f65 a bowl and placed 68320e3bcd it in front of 276a726b03 me.40d6b428c23de316

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“Eat as much as 3ae0be10e8 you want.”5b3d33836c5d795e

I couldn’t help 9a0a4d824f but feel awkward ce1d296740 in front of 63490fb1d7 his aunt.56988757d2c38df1

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“Would you 8ac2730f1f look at fdca1e527f that? You gave f35e2cd711 her most 50946dfb71 of your f0a9adf0a4 portion.”647fa8c7e1a48d7b

His aunt looked at 5134a3486e his face with surprise. He continued eating as 5d17d4598a if it wasn’t anything 75bf3bfd56 special. It seemed that the eb89786aca vibe of this house 6e48596513 was to not make 46a1b0c74d any noise while eating.81e02fc8427addf3

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My family 9ae91e06f6 was always ca70bbc1a5 noisy when adc593437e we ate. My older brother b2254cf773 in particular talked 7f89eb46ef too much, so 99be84d8e8 my mother would 5b2fb9ef70 yell at him 9e2c4ca359 to be quiet. My maternal grandparents bbf1b24aa7 tended to eat 0649952654 quietly. Even though they 9d68f4b3f6 had been married a9186fffc4 for almost thirty bb8c7feb8f years, my mother 59a3d07570 seemed unable to 5c189526c9 adapt to the 31347dff0c noisy dining atmosphere 4f2a7d135e my father created.6c2f46f191abbbff

Anyways, this atmosphere was 0144fe891f a similar to my 4d3c278ef5 maternal grandparents’ house. It was warm, aa945eecc1 but I felt 6c40e4eb54 a strange sense 2dd54398ff of alienation as 34de516e1b if I were abf1adc490 not a part 09c6454a8a of this family.8ad7635c18030095

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After dinner, he ad9b3fdea1 and his aunt b1d98b763a talked for a 9fda8dea95 while alone. I was in ada3bf66e9 his room. The house was 25fce84a58 quiet, so I c70c068012 could occasionally hear 1dc4d56ea8 their voices.b9810c6175028e73

Then that 26abe0b828 means she 17637440af must have 16f44b8858 heard all 4fd9be016e the moans 74421ad74d I made b26418545f earlier, right?0fed3522ead6e7d9

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I buried my face 15efdaa8fa in my hands in 29c885aa93 embarrassment. Suddenly, I 184a40d934 heard him c48f1543e3 start to 996f7a9dbf yell.a4e26e783bfbca7f

“I said I’ll 5ef91c0523 take care of ca8d912e29 it!”7addf2ac0fd2ab15

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My heart pounded. I’ve never 9258d8f291 heard him 1f62b0c731 so angry 1703e85df3 before.786ec00f9112e4f2

“But she’s your mother! She’s sick, so you 44fb5cdcb0 should see her at 2c1693aa3e least once! Isn’t that why you cd2b5b8555 came to Korea in 5debcfc824 such a hurry? But right now, you’re cac8ff5ee4 home doing…”eb2e1fea1196174b

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It seemed that 9cbaa2314d she was talking 9a752b3d9b about me towards 057bb08fe2 the end.b9cf271e2d59ab04

“Enough!”a622928c0ec34e7e

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A few more ecff8c743c words were exchanged, 2ffe79405a but I couldn’t e9aa53688a hear them. His aunt’s voice 9b92bc18f2 came from nearby.8f97d2999759062f

“I need to b13920d73f head back to d571994ce5 the office. Think carefully 48f34011a9 and make ca6efc4416 a decision.”6747c5abf7d0047a

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I heard him bc284fa0ca say something in 3bf174fc99 response, and I 6826f3216a heard something that a916150fc0 sounded like the ee9d5e1ef6 front door closing. He came into the 3625442a48 room. Before I could 1768ae3bba say anything, he c4ad694e4d pulled me into f26bbf3cca a tight hug. His body was trembling.c64561df54800dc1

He stayed in Korea a54fa556a8 longer than usual. From what d5e37ce06d I heard, 2b58550fbf it sounded 85a4e252e1 like he 733e9bbd3c had come 1bb6507bd9 back to 439d18e377 Korea in 43c46673f1 a hurry 6d951d1619 due to 927c7b2f0e something happening 1f7a5e4bb7 at home. He showed up efc2b146d6 in front of a6d8961497 me three days 07490399d4 later.06b0a0b56042f881

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“Can you bea84ba3da show me 0547e5ba01 your room, a13adbe40a too?”88d72978c7b03cb1

There was 8cba560b6d no reason 78ae3f901e not to 377ffa2274 show him. I called 515de11e61 him over efc7dfba98 to my 5cc1ef9f18 house while 4f0bd3f2bc everyone else cdee6e5579 was at 072516da70 work.85e55c83c70d09ae

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“This is my 388741eff2 room.”5a9227e20f08ce9f

He looked c9ef64de0c around my 71530fe213 room with f02f774434 child-like eyes, 689e488fd1 just like 8c4a5b0d46 when we b6c9de2897 went to 22982abf28 the amusement 03b03007c3 park two 6e6792d4bd years ago. There were pictures bf9b14bff5 of him lined 55d2336367 up along the eb983c3e27 edge of my 4d6288e400 mirror on my 765c8585ba dressing table. He smiled and looked df436ddba2 at the pictures we ea4a49b885 had taken.b140d1297af82f2e

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“Can you c09d76bdf7 give this cfe1e85d4c one to 85689c0953 me?”563b67aab4ce3f25

It was a 2df5488888 picture of me 699f508036 smiling like an b0732fa64e idiot with a 8178dc5836 headband that looked 17d1af41d4 like a dinosaur 74bee18a57 opening its mouth c4fea30a45 and eating my c336f1b6f2 head. It must have been 4f12d59dcf a photo from when 6c888e5a18 I was in my b2ef837cf5 second year of high d2509702d5 school.72f0fb1608a3a0be

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“This one 762ccf513f came out 414926b3aa so stupid. How about I 398618ee38 give you this 62ebb212c5 one instead?”b8301fb7ee67a523

I showed him 44deb2d4d8 an ID photo 10f9e7aa45 that I had 21567c87f4 taken a while e957f26aa9 ago. I really liked 3ffc7a2992 the photo, probably 206f1ac02f because it had a82f8caea0 been professionally retouched 1ef805702c at the studio.564e03b3090a4cc3

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“That one doesn’t ac485e7af4 look like you.”b271d3c2f61b5c99

I glared 92c0b5887c at him, 22395a8ced and he ce1988154f smiled back cf11f929fb at me.cba14425621341d9

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“Your double eyelid on 8c09abd910 your right eye is 875d6684f2 thicker. That’s why your 62c9580287 right eye looks 978d3b71e3 rounder. Your lips ef4ecc614a aren’t red 834c6ce868 like this. They’re pink. Your forehead looks e84452d26d unnatural, and what’s 1e7ed471f5 up with your eda5693056 nose? Did you put oil 3febce0978 on the bridge of 1047439bec your nose?”8b55e7b0c2e40d65

He pointed out the 9425ce93ff places that had been 224298afa6 corrected and said they d447888cb6 looked strange.83d318bf6fa59ae3

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“So give me 630fff425c this picture.”3e5195a680ff8d88

I put the picture 0ef1fe4bf0 of me in my 85bd371b88 school uniform and the 400b2cf5c2 ID photo in his b376b504a4 hand. He smiled and put 0385e9d11e my picture in his 1628a00308 wallet. Then he d39d6d54fd glanced at 2c79fddef1 his wallet a0b78f4a2b and found afdd42496b that there aac498c2f3 was a 9ff1b79578 picture of 6693b74921 us inside 74c10c1720 it.80092695e4dc32e2

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“What’s this?”9b4db5ae27f6c4b6

It was aa9ebd07ec a photo 6dec3dda86 I didn’t 5cc92634b4 have.cee9d3161cb91c31

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“The first picture we 04487601e4 took together.”8d63d3d17d7672e7

It was the day fdcfcc1497 we saw ‘Death of dc243f2baf a Salesman’ at Daehak-ro. I think it 747f95f937 was a photo 4ea391c930 that I had e0e43b249d submitted with my 3759b87273 review to prove 2fdcd66f7d that we had e22f67a903 seen the play da3a687b58 together. The two of us 9c28d5ffca were standing awkwardly in 66c2016c95 front of the play 9bde76be06 poster. My tense b11cb6f9f3 face was 5f32368ad6 a stark ca158f0deb contrast to dc7ebed526 his faint 14483541ce smile.e172042641d82e04

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“Then give me this d37cd32d97 one.”9dde9cfbb5669d09

When I pointed to 44fb345324 the photo in his 603b9c456b wallet, he shook his f5a5851ff6 head.3c711e5324e11773

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“I can’t. This is my good 23fa7b7970 luck charm.”50e95b379e4394f7

“What kind of 370dea2418 good luck charm dcc938224b is this? And why do 1927390f89 you have so 1e352f8ebe many good luck 1672feac9e charms in your 7ee54b001a wallet?”e16057a016c2716f

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I asked 327403c458 in a 87dbaa80c2 baffled tone. He kissed me on 542067b945 the lips. It seemed like 81ce4ea7e0 he was at 7756ee9c75 a loss for af6f9e3110 words, so he 29525d3cd1 kissed me instead.5efe52b339479336

“Oh Milhee, did you 25490ed08c not go to school?”fd39ad55434b9ec5

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He was about to 8962b34a29 hug my waist and 086254da2d continue kissing me when 4e3548fd58 the door opened wide 0277f6c8b9 and my brother walked 51fcb7cb90 in. We jumped ddf3879890 in surprise 54f16ea31d and quickly dd4374a2a6 moved away fa89bdb583 from each 9d700dd3ae other.6291cbd5c1b9a25b