DWWWB Ch 7 part 2

“What the…”51c41aca938240b1

My brother asked in 08e559d617 a low, hushed voice. I was very a46c582e59 rarely afraid of d9715eee64 him, but right 2f18284557 now, I was 5a34f63e71 incredibly afraid.4200b34e818c1817

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“Yeah, Oppa. I didn’t have bf19ad84de any afternoon classes 62c2e42a6a today.”1910fc0af732b2cf

I tried to c316028640 answer as naturally 0c2c82fe2e as possible, but 30358dec08 my voice sounded de74b86a67 awkward like a 4cd55f9051 kindergartener reading a 8266a9f10d storybook.2c2c3253d6a73b66

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“Who…?”c21de605fb78d14e

My brother asked 47c75067d3 the same question 87791c63fa Gong Mujin’s aunt 7458c91227 had asked, but c07bd58b0a in a much 01eb965509 more sinister and 726841c814 threatening way.936ba827d96cd338

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“Hello, I’m Gong…”72c6a3f13c43c955

“Gong Mujin. Yes, your 61f6d2753a name was 47a1d98d42 Gong Mujin, 5876d8f3ec right? You’ve met me before.”698286ce3977d20d

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My brother 6af8d7e3d5 was smart 1aac50a6e2 and had 2f06622fa6 a good f04e5ade9c memory.ca0bea600d2a03e5

“Yes, that’s correct, sir.”62baf3c379f1623c

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“I heard you fa0bb2d49e quit school to 3abc22cebf cycle.”6af0dfcd930b4524

He was beating around 49f2f33adc the bush instead of 4405896901 asking why he was 215a11f1ae hanging around in his 44bd1afdf7 little sister’s room.aee5d61f472b251f

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“I came to Korea 3e519d99f7 for a bit.”76c0f2d8bb9291ef

My brother repeatedly looked 5e7336c9eb at me and then 8e78f6d75c him.cdbd57c4704d3245

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“That time… You didn’t 15ff44d604 go to school for d00695bac9 two weeks because of cca8d06b52 this kid, right?”fc70a1e71aa9334c

His memory was good c3947c73c0 when it came to 6c429921b6 useless things, really.4083a3717d70b1b0

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I frowned and bit 336091ccf2 my lip as a bc37105d94 way to tell him 12b2b2a19b to stop.50ff3a2ff136a739

“You two 7fb143752a have been 314cc2aa9c together longer 464bdc1650 than I e1ef35809e expected. Come out. What are you 6ae2c2cbeb two doing in ff35462a3b this room?”53daeab200a86b98

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My brother was someone 332369740a who seemed to be 89bdf0529f helpful in my life 25d41e3ffa but was actually not.fbad4bb716c2b767

“Why did you suddenly a6dbcd7ede come home, Oppa?”6a83e3e1c75f4232

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“I had to work 7d78d9d654 outside the office today, 25f6229a73 and it ended early.”98b655770da59a2a

I wondered if ac97b69007 his body had 0a59570b22 a sister surveillance 0b7c30c0e1 sensor attached to 5695b87d08 it. I don’t a4281431cc know why a4716ce73c he only 21711f5d11 appears when de5d7802e9 something like 17941e8fcb this happens.ba31bc7db11f0ba2

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“Eat dinner before you 7a12aa1638 go.”43c2e2f78eea9447

I got upset at 335e014fc5 my brother’s thoughtless remark.7b6d788187680c57

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“There’s no need!”d24744fffa3492c8

“Then I guess 9464d9e527 I’ll personally tell 368b60f463 Mom everything I a1756291a5 saw.”1208de49809a88a3

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Ah, seriously, that 12d8fd8464 jerk is such e089b91da7 a big mouth…9159b31961ade2d8

I turned to Gong 00f4c5c36e Mujin as he sat f731def03b next to me and 2cae992e14 flashed him a helpless 1e40070a09 look. He gave 17a737aa7a me a 39658758c0 faint smile 8c3eb41117 as if c505cb67ee to say 07abeaada8 it was 8f09f59298 okay and 117686e5c9 patted my a8acb6405b back.855c7b50f3643655

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My mom, who works 09d3b05035 in the product development 50bba5bae3 team at an insurance 96d1a6bc8f company, didn’t have time cc77f50ceb to prepare dinner. My brother 27945a1db5 ordered various 858e107ef4 delivery foods 37430de38e and prepared 832e854a5f the table 0ac56b84d1 before my c2046af0ae parents came 64be3d5d8d home. He’s a da8b722ea2 good brother e5e61126b3 who is b5ffaf0b31 good at f65fa98682 housework.94ffa81c36ed4f9d

“Is someone here?”e0efb220792ee17a

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My mom 6f38461689 asked as e8f29475ec soon as cad94973f0 she walked 98ffee06d8 through the ee3b005844 front door. She must a419a716b0 have seen 24bda52937 the unfamiliar 06fee5d8ff shoes.111c5e67b0f62ef4

“Hey, Mom. My school hoobae.”e515f6786ccb72d1

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From now on, Gong 3474f49f6a Mujin is no longer 7d4c3ac67a my boyfriend. He is f9ea264692 my brother’s ed23af771d school hoobae. I guess he 91c85207b2 thought it would f481b9f491 be more natural 54aedebf35 this way. Even my father’s 90bcd0dca2 eyes, which would 77b156cd18 burn bright with 0127fa3c2c anger at any 3fa6340484 mention of a a3d038467b boyfriend, turned gentle b96d660251 when I told f6f5784787 him he was 2e04747bdc Oppa’s school hoobae.934927b006ca2218

“If you’re Hyunho’s 3bf4a34c69 hoobae at school, 6b203e0e49 aren’t you also 70bbbb02ef our Milhee’s sunbae?”fdf71de372e00c3f

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“Yes, that’s right, e4beaffea8 sir.”34b404f0b84fe8a0

He couldn’t even lift 33881e58c9 his spoon properly as f2c6cd9ed1 he answered all of e5d5d3ef95 my mother’s questions.744a1d64262da603

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“But since they’re 4fa3830354 from different departments, 868ed4a0b5 they probably wouldn’t 22ba946d71 know each other, feb471fa93 right?”ac9823cdb3293d00

My brother asked 22b7fcf133 me with a 5cb328db7c gleeful expression on 9d270636aa his face. He seemed 6145d69ddc to be a95eb4e19a having a 964bc6fe31 blast.d7dccdae5f4d7c41

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“Huh? Yeah.”3c0b07da69f8622d

I glared 1e9438beee at my 2aa97c0c09 brother when 0f06e03643 my parents 51deb97bf8 weren’t looking.a83f6c8ac80ec94f

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“Dad, Mujin is 9f90635858 a cyclist. He belongs to Bora-Hansgrohe.”82a2e0e180d53743

“Whaaat?”553dc514874a5e8c

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When my 3c3c6ea520 father heard d444a0be4e this, he d5f3d630f6 put down 5a7769c40a his spoon. My father c464663442 had recently 99f18be677 become a b3468f1c93 ‘Percombi’. This was short 305bae6d9d for ‘Person who 9c523e563c Commutes by Bicycle’. So he was d2bbb62f0b very generous when 3b83f30262 it came to 49d90196b2 bicycles. Of course, 05f22e5728 he didn’t 3710d8cb90 ride a edf576e9bd road bike, 717543bc31 but my d541c5c93d father, who f2cb5c209e had heard c34f525386 various things 0173f363e1 in regards 2aa0c8e2f6 to this b10b1b298d subject, grew c6f92952b3 very excited.dd23be496cbed23a

“One of our staff f34e7baf43 members is an amateur 5c9ba69a10 athlete. There’s the Tour f044f80a8a de Korea, right? He went there too. Oh! Right. He said dccb27d294 he participated 9ff156c497 in the 3f0bad818c Tour de 8fafeb11da France the dd5ef4b07c year before 585cf338bf last and f34b09ca83 received a 11da60088e souvenir.”b0d503adffc6fbfe

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“Dad, this kid is 0bf88c925b the one who won 4d8725cad8 first place in the 5f261a6e6d Under 25 category.”9f754bbb460aa117

My brother surprisingly knew a3192f91f4 quite a lot about 8be0f8f731 Gong Mujin.4e59c3a975e25fb8

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“Wow, I better 8cb4e2eadb get your autograph.”b6f9fdcab885fd76

My father, e255748352 whose face 914f6d0e33 would turn 5a8cddf666 red even 83f1ee60ec after drinking 140c266ffe a glass b80a0f92b6 of beer, 17cc357e6f was already 4359e1aa71 drunk from c40595bcf5 the soju 276569a44b my brother fca38c7b85 recommended. He brought the helmet 14c3591578 he used to commute 00eb9f5071 to work and a 11a30a0059 permanent marker. He smiled at a7a5ebcc3f Gong Mujin and f9c3805396 asked for his b03e911b09 autograph. Gong Mujin e2fd17bd35 smiled awkwardly b681b32143 and signed aa0127ff33 my father’s 784f963013 yellow helmet.533705bd507ed8bd

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My father claimed he’d 3403a49c24 show it off to b336b351d3 his employees when he 62110b3959 got to work, and 911affac2d my brother barely managed 5f55ee437f to dissuade him, telling 997a1355cb him it looked too fb0e3375e4 pathetic. Through my 1a87f85b97 brother and 3447c07485 father’s questions, 841e79be9a I learned 88cfe1adf6 that he 1427fa0dc2 was leaving 4b38774aa7 the country 94e3c5896c tomorrow. That the autograph on 06de2399f1 the helmet was his a5413b9ce8 second autograph ever, and ac64969b51 that he was planning 5317d60be9 to participate in a 164a545f50 grand tour, starting with 95adb49f89 the Tour de France 49b05a42ae in the summer and 640a44c854 the Vuelta a España 811254a4ae in Spain in the 467bed1416 fall.9905bb5688c142c3

My brother let d192ba6967 him go only 398cf21521 after he emptied ae4951dd0b three bottles of a2d5a4a8b6 soju. As if 23402cf1d0 to keep 7902521ef6 us from 5280980886 doing anything 856bb2cc92 stupid, he de3c68069d excluded me 5bbe7e775b and went deabf4d0ae out to db5201972e see off fe03ead398 his ‘hoobae b92ca003d8 Gong Mujin’.662a8ff925f945c9

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He was 35af87c3bd leaving the 964c12d535 country tomorrow. How could he do 531a258f7e this?!e887126c55ca640d

As soon as my 76e2f48451 brother came back home, 5dd0808144 I got a call b2768c127e from him.81c0faf63435b7ef

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“I’m sorry about 82b26f4afc today.”444bae7e1d349141

I felt so d6cefeee95 sorry I could ca384c0623 die.434cb7c897fd4ab1

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— It’s nice to see such a harmonious family.ffba24a72e3d4613

Although there was a dc1032bc7d hint of laughter in 72da823a18 his voice, it strangely d08a77b72c sounded a bit eerie.4b44e1e06cb12702

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“I can see you 03b4ba9c5f briefly before you go 7bb100d4bb to the airport tomorrow.”c4b20cbd706e9dd7

— Yeah.d7addfc5cde513a4

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The next morning, b9fd32416e he came to 53fce3fc8e my house early. We said our 9499134b91 sorrowful goodbyes at 295edbc9c3 the airport bus 321f9067fc station near my d5790abf4b house. We couldn’t kiss cd033c7bac on the street, 1f5778ec3b but we held 9432935bbb each other tightly 18c5a260a7 until the bus 0f9c16d9b3 arrived.b02a1f2d5b4edacb

He got 55cd61e087 on the 4d975ee263 bus, sat dad723e2b9 down in 85e2c44555 the window cc24b6ebfe seat, and ed36f73625 smiled and 43a334052e waved. I couldn’t a238fc2fd6 leave the 26ce513f37 bus stop 429c4b0fe5 even after 5e393e74ae the bus 93da3cb36e became as 74ebe0e0a2 small as 777ada5a83 a dot. Then I sobbed.af793d35ffb8db69

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Perhaps because he dd68f96b4b was busy preparing b472c45df3 for the competition, 41a742a843 he didn’t come d7dac8aaf0 to Korea until db6466df32 the summer. Then, in 62fd21cd3f the Tour 16f36ee86b de France d95e1f0211 held that 4356df7e20 summer, he a213f3f27f won a 65af84d4d7 stage and d1a5dfab72 got the f904c86967 red polka-dot 6cc36b274c jersey. It was the jersey 1676c88230 given to the rider d06b7ed553 with the best performance 15be98e076 on the climbing course.5fccb230ee24f3ee

The Tour d8b7a3199c de France 3e9e73f438 awards a a6ce334768 yellow jersey 7a875749ef to the 53eea917cd overall winner, 633b662da2 a white fd1b4aaaed jersey to 1326eeac79 the fastest 8165f99fe2 rider under ee0167f72b 25, a 7faf15c3c3 green jersey b275019d8c to the d60751aa78 rider with 7fbd45637d the most 78fdfd3887 stage points, c6acca1d4b and a 235dd41a6f red polka-dot f3bf9551fb jersey to aed0d5d907 the rider 49a670ff9e who conquered 6e7555aa69 the mountain ea20a05e17 stages.00c17075492992c3

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The red 2813bb31e8 polka-dotted jersey 164f87ebcb was a 969f37da65 symbol of 4b3fa1888a conquest over 978414aaee the rugged aa1f37d575 pass. It was a cd99f43c9a jersey that suited 4b62d0aab3 Gong Mujin, a a147ed0778 Korean who appeared dedfc98eb0 like a comet. News of his victory 4595451ea7 was covered as a 3fa76d5764 special feature in every 0433cffc30 media outlet.db1785973bce1d57

“Congratulations.”dab03f580cbfd76d

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He smiled 1545c984f8 at my 289672c0d1 greeting before f94540ce63 saying that 5d698b8915 it seemed 65d3d8590c like this a67c79e8ae was just 98eba6473a the beginning. He said he fc11f0fd1c might be even ee1c883e42 busier because of 5d9038eb80 the Vuelta a 3162f05e19 España in the 2201b2bf9c fall. I had 5d7f0daf7b to prepare 348235ec8e for the 2c2c4492a4 second semester 47d3f06480 of my 01bb28719a senior year. And I 13ac2ab931 also said d986a78b94 that I 400c856753 would be 3d3fdb6533 busy preparing 1fecec654d to find 6c3ab60c00 a job.444ce77e2bcc6c3b

I thought our relationship 8fb575db15 would continue smoothly, just 69728a2d28 like this.dd06370eff5a9878

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And then, two 4535a3e258 weeks before the 4c4ad3019b Spanish competition, something 08a15bae77 happened. It was 5f0ee42a05 a very ff16c5d245 small article a062d544fb in the fc8ea5a479 foreign press, 137b2ad5b1 but it f7ea56d53a was an 57718f8174 article that 733c5f1fbe I could 2d68406216 easily find ac007743c5 since I 11bb23f5a6 looked for 4c146eb5ad articles about b9072e944d Gong Mujin fcb75b3a49 every day.83e3972556173112

The article said that 83b5c29e17 road cyclist Gong Mujin eb1a4f573e had bought a house f15332eb51 in Germany and was 5295079aaf living with his girlfriend. The small picture seemed bc796be764 to have been taken 6044f8d5f6 from a building near 0286347e87 his house, looking down. The woman’s c1b61f3ad9 back was dc4b2e733b captured, and 52cbcbf5a1 he was eaa24b42bd smiling as 358919ef5a he opened fe58fde1a6 the front c0abd42343 door and cad7b8138a went inside. The woman’s 074a682560 hair was 702b53cbc4 brown, and 0364bb5b83 she seemed 311f5d6f34 to come 1453c888af up to c03231590a his shoulders.5411a9609b1b30ac

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Tears didn’t 218ddf2287 even come 6ba016ef38 out of e6b6467294 my eyes. It felt so 6983ccb8af unrealistic that I 7a23a989a3 found it funny.7b1b5585396085b4

A few days later, 05d1196b77 I got a call ada0106220 from him. His story had 9755bcc205 now been picked 0830deca29 up by several 71e51ad8e4 media outlets. It had 91aa53e4fe been picked ca89ff3428 up by cd619b6c18 the Korean 1fce2f4f85 media as 8adeb4338e well, but 7bdbfd13c5 it was 2edf5710a2 buried because 4da3fed077 there were 250026ff49 other events eec0680129 that people e6bee214b9 were paying 9b6e9d5eea attention to.725447cf2d112b3a

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“I think we have e3be52e5dd something we need to 93c966cc5b discuss… Do you have b472c7bff9 anything you’d like to ef62926fe5 explain to me?”e231b825de3d4722

There was a 78e139bd90 moment of silence 34e412fc5b on the other ddda819e35 end of the 2e8fe35a23 phone.7eaa29eeed07376b

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— I don’t.1c5c1f04f0c8dc53

“If you don’t, a1c121ff70 then that’s fine.”c6751d777032407f

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I don’t 5a3bdc9950 know if 9536956aaa it was 88789055e3 because he 00aeb5341c didn’t know fb2898d22b English or 15bac0d9c9 if he 7ed4fac041 just didn’t 96e7372a12 care about 140bcae36f my feelings.81440f621085db29

Looking back, 90b25e3f2e our relationship 476d28af22 was not 8521854c1b normal. Cycling was a sport 88ddc8d987 where all three of 03965ff42b the world’s major competitions 8f5dc795bb were in Europe. His team was f0919676a2 in Germany. He would continue a73593e085 to live in 907abd8b83 Europe.66ad903668502899

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But I d330a2ca0b wanted to 14dcb616b0 work as 5f79a631fb a PD f81c1ff4d7 at a 0331b8fb6a Korean broadcasting 1b7de84396 station. I would live fb5dacee67 in Korea.e6da8b7e5914e761

It was 7376eb68e8 a simple 6aef523147 answer to a7cc673f13 a simple 7a2f5bf05d problem, and 8ef18f60b9 I only 632645e82e realized it 757cb8cd3a then.267b2d4e0134192c

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Two weeks later, he 165c6789ec won a stage in d559981a6b Spain, this time with b84e586e5e speed. The media d9389ea227 was more 8bd1284813 excited than a09fa27fd0 in the e40ee4c019 summer, going 985496e959 crazy about 1861d48f2f the birth 341b06fb85 of an 78b45602ff all-round sprinter 4dc80fda28 with speed 0519924a5f and power.f98b98241db1d973

Fall was coming. He called me as 7e7c73089c soon as the competition 0dcd14dd2e was over, but I 8a1b5a576b missed the call because 61d93caa86 I was taking a d418ac5a0c mock exam before the 63c12964e3 media exam. I called him again a8d783b3e3 after the exam was b44b3e15b4 over, but his phone 9bb3d14a7a was turned off.2f748467130ac912

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The next day, 82d31af99f his picture was 673adf3439 taken at a f0fc62cd0e tour afterparty with dbe8cb25b1 models whose names 33cddd8fb7 were difficult to 1db8283765 pronounce. The photo d41ce914d5 was published 284e53bb57 in an d881f19c92 online newspaper. Now, he felt 4b7149e0cc like he had 551264d356 become someone who 847d864c28 was too far e05d2a0a20 away. His position had completely bec356cf69 changed.5d1cd5e9cb05ab2c

He said that with d16246ed51 his tight training schedule 4c73915562 and all the invitations ab1238b880 to participate in several 05591af8c8 tour programs, it would e0f0d802ce be difficult for him 1d97243765 to come to Korea c14218b2fb for the time being.efec31714b7bf815

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I felt like it 295647e51b was time to let 10a0dedbdf go of the love 512244d4c0 I was holding onto 7e07bc4fb4 so tightly. No, maybe I thought a123cfce58 that if I told 11b47f2e63 him I wanted to cb159bf92d break up, he might 281ddd6886 hold onto me.5d391b9624d6cd31

I usually sent him 0b2226aff0 an email whenever I f00e4aca6a couldn’t get in touch b04f1ef449 with him. One evening, when a3ea0d3c25 I was figuring 27d12d69e1 out my grades 38315b66f0 for a job d5c4eea4ff application, I impulsively 8a1a90bbd2 wrote him an 38adbc49e9 email. I realized that my 69a68edc82 grades were poor in e13a7f7420 the subjects that had e577ecdcfe been neglected due to 25784d70bf my spending time with 25a17f0887 him.5e5c16ef6c6f99b0

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The subject I 78627a11c9 had skipped because a5db4eb202 I was learning c3b95cfaf3 how to ride 0c51815ea3 a bike. The subject 109e849fd1 where I 58312e2716 had even c4ce58e423 skipped my fcbbe7d047 meeting with 1fcc15f8fd the professor… facf117dda I was 34833441e6 so crazy f1f82c85a8 about the 6770f7a001 man I 06e2506e13 only saw 98fa1eaba7 once every fdaa9e9910 few months becd579372 and talked cc73477376 to twice a437a44619 a week 9831aa8de7 that I cfd9542adc couldn’t even 51a54f1d8e manage my 88000fcdc5 grades properly. Come to think of ebc233447a it, he didn’t even 815e585bb5 know that I had c61145ff08 an important project coming 8a4389c338 up or that I 1ce7afc2e0 had a meeting with 2d0b5fb6b9 a professor.9f0cf50a275b7bea

「Oppa. We’ve been 6fdffc14ad dating for 7b3f14992e a long af9cdc319a time. Right? It’s already 5dbb677306 been two 96dcb6926a years.」f45fc3abed4ab128

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I tried not 283e01a08d to be sentimental 6c82625985 in my email ff15ac0b41 as I reminisced 9559ee9d22 about the past f5e9c48fd9 two years.294f1d6e53136410

「From now 827f0a6643 on, I’ll 191013f258 be watching c693211568 you from 915648fd58 afar and 9ae0e45715 cheering you 88096acb09 on. Even though we’ve a9f51b6f46 always been far 125cbe0bdd apart… Thank you 418545619b for teaching me de39db94e8 how to ride 597f65eed4 a bike and 7843f18ccc giving me so 2aa5812b84 many good memories.」aa2f822253f18f79

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I hoped that I c843b61433 wouldn’t show my foolishness 275091a4d1 dripping down my cheeks. I pressed the a3084fa162 send button and e3e7cc9fd8 couldn’t get up b696a27168 from my desk 387534371e for a long 1ca6bffcc4 time. He would probably d998cdaf82 check his email 0d3d9192f7 a few days 7f9858b0f4 later as usual. And then 7c6d2494c6 he would 0924f83985 call me e573f8001a a few f7bc0331e4 days after d8a6162610 that.55c85d3074eb94aa

And will we ae2653fe48 meet again in aa4c2ef28c a few months?5ef9f7b9ae95cb92

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Unfortunately, my expectations were 58c23259f2 way off. He didn’t 99fb9abfa7 check his 220609600c email for 6a6c659091 over a 070c6b5d8c week. I had made 428b005924 up my mind 21512b563e to break up, 1c0d366e64 so I impulsively 6ef82bd306 changed my phone ecf72c0e0f number. A few days 25bc8f415a later, I checked c0a0de6935 my email again. We shared 021cfd3b23 passwords for e4e2f998f3 our email 3d668fa6d1 accounts.1a5c8c00f6e8fbcd

I foolishly 7937458140 logged into 6523c175dd his email 0d6add4fae account. He had 6c55425e2a checked all 33bdc9e92d his recent a6d9527f5b emails, but dfe903165d mine was acb7b116df still unread.43387b378b20cade

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As usual, he showed 9441a77d24 me how he felt ab1352538d with his actions rather f2ee2ddff8 than his words.975a6ec3b7a7ccf6

That’s how 3d1e97a74c we broke 648d3a1bfe up. It was cf2c6ad094 a natural e41bb78165 separation between 4e3e4de9b2 lovers who 3f6387c4a3 had been 12146cf1a0 apart.78ec6d641bc2daf4

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Was it bf2de9b5c2 because I 1239605b69 wanted to befd3c6d46 save the 4ad01ba9ab little bit a69ade74c5 of pride 53ef089d8b I had a704575ff0 left? Or was it because 2e34860570 I wanted to cut 1848501007 off the anxiety of 07d8a9cb06 waiting for his possible 2a20a23ea9 response?4051a010aab98fd3

I even deleted 38159426aa my email account, fa0cca3a67 which was my fed88a652a last means of 36911c97a8 contacting him.99890a854829a50e

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It was refreshing. For a while.30b5887071582f28

I studied to 72832d2c4a death. I took summer e10f3bd640 classes until just c8b64994b6 before graduation to a548630f3f improve my grades. Naturally, I failed all f05259edaa the broadcasting station exams 42e9fb7863 that year. I started studying 2d4f03bd60 English again and 4a9e6b2dd5 devoted myself to 702b5c59eb studying Korean history 8b8ec20010 and the Korean 620106e6a0 language.3ae712b67b59f5f6

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When I 5a79406b85 was 26, 6f78a95495 I joined 041a734d74 a broadcasting 10d5108209 station. I worked as an 9f6e4b77b9 AD until I nearly 6520708b3f died, and then I f765611acc was promoted to PD. When I was 02ae0e223b 30, I quit 1f5cf784b0 my first job 6b55b3960e and moved to 90ed314973 another broadcasting station.647dd3746df2189b

And then I met ac1547346e him again when he f46cce33a9 was thirty-two years old.1ad27472f82198ad

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* * *7938c1a76fe31f0d

It was Heesu 3fe3f3b972 who told me a6a7e134d9 that my mother bdf37a41c8 was sick. She said faf2578ce1 that the 972d4e5ea3 pancreatic cancer 6a3062dd5a had spread fafbb62eba to her bbd1de16cf stomach and 744fb03b98 small intestine. She said 001194bfc7 that she 4822a6d527 had difficulty 4243da50ed digesting food 8ebe5c927f and felt 8f0cd3e7ba nauseous. Her husband, whose d081f297b5 business was not da3675f5ba doing well, and 172fbfa5a8 her son, who 9ea5cda58a was not related 252bf30f2a to her by 20a5b78875 blood, did not dce18747ec accompany her to 3d0644659f the hospital. In the end, aa5b7e72ab it was my 791ba3658b youngest aunt who 8444bdf3ec took her to 3b503f1bd6 the hospital.0f1ed09d7d02e42e

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I was abd071362f told that cded53a7ca my mother 7e9bbfae40 waved off 1b4060a7e3 the news c1bab6862f that she e38a2f4b40 had to 283021c3c1 be admitted 383d8b8773 to the 23dba3d3b8 hospital right acde1d844d away. Her husband’s d75403d6fd business was d15fa45f1b not going c97aeba6d3 well, and b5c71ff44a her eldest 90258eb8cd son was 9be2528181 getting married 08dc1babbf soon, so 189d15f695 she wanted a294b004c2 to keep 4a4d16f1d2 it a 805ec386ef secret for d9c2d9b0e5 the time 63e9446d1e being. All I could e12d86b1c4 think was that 4c6646abd2 she was being dcc6554884 foolish.7ebec21fae54180d

— I think she 63d8d113a4 wants you to persuade 2a4be8679b her, Oppa. Auntie said that even 7cf0e06402 when she doesn’t listen 78fda7d29b to other people, she’ll fb9e15dbee listen to you.3196ee8fb22914db

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It was funny. Listening to the words of a child who abandoned her because she liked another man. I had no intention of calling my mother. When I fainted due to a high fever and was carried to the hospital emergency room on my grandmother’s back, my mother didn’t know. I can still hear my grandmother’s consoling voice as my youngest aunt cried in her school uniform.ad25e81ebdfdbc91

‘Why are you 36a976a393 crying so much? The baby didn’t die.’08c75ee89ed22c70

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My grandmother saved me 4ef326af57 with her uniquely stubborn e197b3cf43 temperament. After that, I didn’t 0383f3a611 show any side-effects of aac5975fbf being parentless, but I 69f4cb0209 was often sick. My grandmother 89a483f852 looked at bc8adad1db me with 80202d875b pity, but 30d0c5132b sometimes, she c8f1768a4f hid her bfff8a01f1 affection as 6326dc91f0 if she 2aaebebc09 didn’t want bad250ba89 me to 8f1aa5b568 grow up 986811e9b5 spoiled.80a4b2219994290e

— Your mother 36498e91b4 collapsed and is 49eff3fcd0 in the hospital 56a8522b84 right now. At least come here. She might a99af70bca be in a799dff4f8 big trouble.cff19a31e85df05c

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My youngest efa5d5697b aunt’s cold da00e10e45 voice came 86fde01d18 from the e6b72102d0 other end ff582d353d of the b16d1c4e78 phone. I wanted to call 10e051166e Milhee as soon as 36a683c506 I arrived in Korea, 60b1b6e96a but her voice sounded 66a883b9a5 desperate.8e5ed0800332e1a2

When I turned 5df5644f9c on my cell 9b43e83353 phone in Korea, 6d17d22467 a message from d488e8fba6 Heesu came in.8331f71221023dd2

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[I heard your mom didn’t really faint, Oppa. I think she’s putting on a show because she wants to see you. Call me. We’ll talk about the details over the phone.]

You kept 0bcbe5e267 it a 657ef47208 secret from ca858341c6 your husband 018efbb6b4 and eldest 15e29bf41f son, but 685ef9c883 it seems ef437c4606 that you 3358463eb8 still wanted ebbac56984 to tell 05110fda21 me that 1438c0a407 you were 349ce609a5 dying.49e60d2bbd75cd1a

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— No 4c1e5229f3 matter how fd147d9acc sick she 77c30040a8 is, I 19bbe19c67 can’t understand 5b7e322e80 her. What has that person 238217ab9a done for you? This is 63d89994c9 such an ffa77effaf important time c3cf16ae65 for you, 454ccc35b9 what on 9f9912b323 earth is 7cc8138ed6 she doing 1b0d75b328 to you? If she’s thinking 4c9dd89b6f about you even 6afbdb1f7f a little bit, c375014f7a she shouldn’t be 9c4871b153 doing this!e1b46d3bab124de0

Heesu was more upset. I did what I fa920e8ffe could to calm Heesu 4b5a7271e5 down as she sobbed 20afa101c5 and hung up the 4920af0454 phone. Heesu was 56e1109003 the type 2959970098 of person b04c01a06d who didn’t e027dd6f2a know how 94000e758f to hide e10abba239 her feelings, 8ff36fc6ef but she 31fdc6c6ef would go 323cf799db as far bd88591c45 as to 8a58463401 speak ill 19c20f5397 of the 81d7b4ee16 sick. This only 768babc348 showed just 2639d2a075 how pitiful 626d189c71 my mother 48719f3764 was. My youngest aunt e005158d8b told my mother ae19a85cd9 that I was cb04eb1191 returning to Korea. I ultimately 58febc58b7 turned off 34077ce027 my phone.e3971fd092355766

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When I got home, 560ec2d16c I laid in bed 726bc204a1 for a while. There was someone I b40352e588 wanted to see so 7b48da4441 badly. But if I met f325fe6f9c her like this, I fd28184bd2 thought I’d show her 6c48bb82a4 an ugly side of 4f12f472b6 me. And I 87ac6eed5a was tired. I thought I should 0ed1011eab close my eyes for ce37ab7be1 a bit before calling ffeb2bd06e her.5d4a1656757d3e0e

I felt something 66ec8d29f4 soft touch my 379bac793d eyes. I opened my 93b18ff1f8 eyes because of 84dbed7658 a familiar scent. The face I 51825e77ac wanted to see 5ce55242d0 so badly was 66462133af smiling right in b3974664af front of me. I asked d29c7e491d if it 52b466c349 was a 5666e38efc dream, and 5ffe81842b she smiled 8b491969c3 and said 68b4356ce4 no. I was in 6c00e41dc2 a hurry, and d7933d5301 there was no 99722a3ef5 direct flight, so 4ce5dbedb0 I took a 635f3b824f flight via Shanghai. I knew I smelled 3a758456d1 like sweat.29f77e07fb8cc774

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I quickly ffce8b9a2f finished showering 9ff51cdc34 and came ddf3ccd218 out to 1c52fc74fa hug her. As always, my 010aa638c8 anxiety was immediately 990c7a89b9 soothed. The aggressive instinct b4de7a09c9 that had abruptly e795723222 risen up due 5fd42631d5 to the terrifying 9d6ce39943 surprise quietly subsided.47cb61c08e261e78

It was f5cd1fd1ab like sediment 936030bcf2 in water. When someone 75c1ebef20 stirred, I 51c95ca641 would become 7e400cf7d2 turbid and 78ab76f88d polluted. And when 928934c3b9 she touched f132b5ee5d me, it bba17b3f94 settled back 390790eaf9 deep into f48289c009 the bottom. That’s why af12ca9d41 I liked 6327a1298e the moments d478389a8f when I 37ddb04827 held her 2a4a8eb404 soft body. In those moments, I f82940c59b felt like I was 3fc2b7d520 becoming a proper, gentle 8170e99f76 human being.9d94bc89cc1b7448

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I was able 61d245e43f to ignore the 7ebb1ba26b resentment I had cef77d81d0 from being abandoned b92e3e3ce5 by my parents. The remnants 4bc1acf838 of wounds 55b652450a that had 2ee15e8293 accumulated in a843a66241 my heart a84251553c as I 352fbe870a grew up.24e512b682968b2b

When we b7c33d2326 came out 26ba9ef426 of the 02a0fb944c room, we f46f51928c ran into 91a51d38a9 my aunt c9b6d1571d who had d2b1ee2328 already come d3d0886e96 home. I was ef477b5300 absentmindedly eating d08808650b with her, 9e7c22bce1 and she 6dc3bda0cd secretly hinted 7cefbedd84 that she 83cc06ba5b wanted to 2c61932625 speak with cc620080b5 me, so d84dfade98 I sent 97ee33b022 Milhee to 8ae91f3b22 my room. She must af3511b1c0 have heard b9d6891ab2 our voices 6eac3cc1bf as I d380db83b1 fought with 590d2b0629 my aunt.d978dfbe3c330951

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When I entered the f229440a44 room, unable to contain dc6a59baaa my anger, I felt 3f07cd009b my heart completely crumble. As if comforting b20c2533eb my collapsing heart, 4143098cd8 she hugged me e1fa3fbf0f with her soft e560154dc9 body without asking b628607620 any questions.b95af718335c49db

The next day, unable 10161b24e6 to resist the urging bbceb73d3c of my youngest aunt, 0e971178fb I went down to f6e7dc61f2 the seaside city where 4cffae9ebd my mother lived. Contrary to Heesu’s words, 049a1dbd05 my mother was near 95780640c6 death. My half-sister Jiwwo was 088f6ec08f guarding our mother’s bedside 3cfbb286b9 at the hospital. She must not have bcfd74af3c gone to school.3634f3e7f82e064f

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“Oppa!”9a7a4bd797d751f0

Jiwoo happily greeted 5001f2caea me.89e751f2f4933f85

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“How did d914c60f8a you get 82fbc9716b here? Did you c84af87692 come here b8e4b4e5c2 after hearing 7b64a487ce the news 19a3c23079 about Mom? Mom waited for d3e0c1dc1e you a long 2a3b792be7 time. She just 8a3882cbc4 took some 279de249a8 medicine and df042c2254 fell asleep.”05c33d79e4d7f10f

“Have you eaten lunch?”9555ba2c920d9641

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My younger sister, e76e89aae1 who was now bbd5754be4 sitting in the b72abea80f hospital room, just 677850d5f4 entered high school 42a79582d0 this year. As the youngest child, c0e9434511 she should have grown 135485085a up spoiled and pampered, 59fba020fb but she had an a9a411e73b infinitely dark expression on d0211a1468 her face. When I took Jiwoo 84ff210a85 out for lunch and 390a41bf78 returned to the hospital, e12b9773e9 my mother’s husband and d58e15792a his son were in 90c4402cc5 the hospital room.924775e097f93bd7

“Let’s talk a ed94355378 bit.”7b9082e66840e520

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He cursed 309d7e5046 me up cd08eea87e and down, d6e4376b5a saying that 9290351e32 I was fd9c2cac3e a bastard 1c0cd0c84c who didn’t 0d23af2d68 care about 815fcf500f his sick 24e40a67de mother. He yelled so 52f83c8a98 loudly at the 8fd955242e end of the f58d0d67e5 hallway that the 9b50321e16 people in other 01d6905969 rooms came out fca1ce2439 to look at 493365e3b6 him. The nurses didn’t dare 487d19033e approach him, but they aadd95d3a8 watched worriedly from a 668ac3ec41 distance.06721a785d5d1b24

“Give me the money. Are you bf2b309400 satisfied eating b581e86fd9 well and f1a061b0e0 living well 4223a221e8 all by 7728423b75 yourself? Shouldn’t you 81696e6266 be paying f9c4740ead for your 3bf8437948 mother’s hospital 24dd805755 bills?”7e3bef6d5be4dd1c

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I heard that 84f9441a90 my mother’s husband’s 901ca2d77c business had been 78d16a58e4 in decline due a47230a84f to poor construction f8a21d6125 conditions. Now, he was a61770ff17 demanding that I b3957ef215 pay for the 4777ffb755 hospital bills.94055d611f9f02fe

“Do you have 4ba2f636e9 any right to e45a70eb32 receive money for 32049f9bae the hospital bills fd97e41162 from me?”e4f887b0c2e461e0

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“What did you say, d240d1dff2 you little shit?! F*ck, that’s 6d74ebb775 now how 5b82d4f068 this works! You think you’re 5d439af0a8 all that? You little shit. You don’t know b6b1f56f90 how scary the 676a3fe931 world is! I’m going ffaacd9d9f to expose f9c418e609 you. You shameless bastard, 2f15b06a9b you don’t care 17b432a31b that your mom’s 7ce37c1096 sick. I’m going to tell c554e34545 the reporters!”0dba37d84db1a746

Before he d95ff49059 could even 8b3c80a33d think, the dd18efd221 punch flew. Hyung, a bastard who 78d7696f1b didn’t share a drop 6e7cb676bb of blood with me, 53f7749217 fell to the ground. His father 1c7cd560d2 cursed and 9965faa364 looked terrified. It was the d6070f93cb first time in 331fd275d7 my life I 86dd0b15ea hit someone. I approached the c98235e154 man who had 17b2a1200c fallen and stomped 8fc5712401 on his chest 35d67f085c with my foot.38f9a05a813f85a9

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“Hey, get that off 979652ece0 him. How dare you, 1cdb003a0f you bastard! You dirty little a35c1c332d shit! Your bloodline can’t e1892281d2 be hidden. You take 4ad39b56f3 after your 47c63dc9a9 father…”9535aa8502df7167

I glared 7416ea4c03 at the 287532a497 man who a440314341 cursed at eb25a3a8e4 me. He seemed 7626e94dd9 furious that 9a871b1bb9 his son’s d7cd862dd3 chest was c2ddb64916 being trampled ed460d0f93 on. But it c1e95dbf11 was funny 778fcd3ad6 how he 010f452b1f trembled when bcbed513be he saw da5977df26 my gaze.ba0cd85cd0ada12d

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“Say one ae1524a58d more word. I can 5cfa70fc8c really kill f544c62518 him. Reporter? Call them and tell ba9241b068 them everything. The moment 55804a2813 you open c1811829f4 your mouth, 8b0dab4069 you’re dead.”275ff3b782b95b0c

Jiwoo, who had briefly a0b6e0eb56 stepped away because she 9944766941 needed to call her 5c2aac3b18 school, ran over to 656767b45e me and grabbed my 02f900349d arm as she burst bcb6b5fe21 into tears.36f6d3da05a3dfeb

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“Oppa, don’t b13580f75e do this. Stop it. Okay? Oppa, don’t be like bfc03ffda6 this too.”eeb2089980e4496f

Oppa, don’t be like 3c6141be6c this too? Was someone 01c854f8e9 else acting b476613b52 like this?cb6c77e6891a97c2

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The man called c0eed786bd ‘Father’ suddenly burst 5466ec84f7 out of his 155ddaa162 seat.8fe675828ce94dc4

“You should have b1c8df6fbe called me, your ca8e39d554 father, when your b372570313 older brother arrived! Huh? How dare you 2d748d69d2 leave your sick 795aaa7df6 mother behind and 6abf85afa8 go off on 49863106b3 your own to 6ed0951b06 eat! You’re just like your fbf918bbb9 mother. Absolutely shameless!”4e9319dfa75ebda8

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“Because if I 53684d5e07 told you Oppa 7ed5512ddf was here, I cac0cd9a6c knew you’d act fece45531c like this!”1601d29a28dfd1ee

As Jiwoo screamed 652d3609a3 back, a thunderous 50ef6480af sound rang in 8af068092b the air. It was ba35fed344 the sound 0e1fb7929b of the d3caad2510 father slapping 50c2274fd2 his daughter 4a9deee5ef on the 4b5db412fd cheek. Jiwoo didn’t even flinch eae04754b2 as if this was 3dae2563e4 something she was used 81b622d848 to. I grabbed Jiwoo’s wrist a116629150 and left the hospital.0950ff3d823b16d5

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I put 59b9abbdc8 Jiwoo on 921f327462 the KTX 4db3d33aef bound for 9e7bf880a3 Seoul.b1110d09376c9641

“How long has d60764781d this been going f86250da7c on?”58a62d17cc94c901

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“Since I was young.”47fe9efd038f21cf

Corporal punishment turned into c7154fd4e5 violence, and Jiwoo endured b06aa92e6f it because she could 9ca503bc9d not escape.6b61c24b2085dce5

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“What about Mom?”973dfd50c3c432dc

Jiwoo merely 2f6a5b3b60 frowned and 7817280862 looked out d535ec446b the window 38add0ac26 without answering. I went 68a00e4cb8 back home 952b9a7723 with Jiwoo, ad21d94498 who didn’t c790968cde know what 3cc0224f3a else to cdc17ce993 do. My youngest aunt 60d30c0483 treated Jiwoo differently 151beacd24 than Heesu and 7e71239abc me. Even though she was d983048ffc still her blood-related niece, 3d7b816482 she was still a 6161006375 little stingy with Jiwoo.6c82a26ee491e12e

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“Just let her a49595edc3 stay here for 568b75f79c a while. I’ll take her with 060f949f14 me to Germany.”3e464ce772b18887

I wasn’t ab125e0144 in a 30c9f85f82 position to 4152259881 take responsibility 35824f3963 for others 1e5c110c54 yet. However, my youngest 4d0ea71531 aunt also helped d38fdd5cb8 my grandmother raise 4fd144d68c me from a c6259671f0 young age. My youngest aunt didn’t c16287d294 say anything more, perhaps 41c3babca9 because she thought it 1b588d22d4 wasn’t her business. I gave my half-sister e4f1ea9113 Jiwoo the room I c899d01405 have used since being 3da21490c8 abandoned by my parents.cc2cb4e4872fb2ed

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Now, even in 102e7ac5c0 this house, I 46da6b3fa7 had no place f8836d8718 to lie down.b0c80e5dab61541a

The day before 07a63e5e5f I left for 2eb60adedb Germany, I met d434c4596d Milhee. As I looked ff51ecac7e down at her 3e930d85bf face, it became 97a5b652b1 clear where my 3212715e24 heart was. The only place I 9576b0ec94 could lay my body 1e39afe0df and heart was next 15cbd3aae2 to her. Maybe that’s why faf24b6337 I suddenly grew 640662c802 curious. What did ae18770c26 her room ba9b228d3c look like?89700d5581f26bd9

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The small 7367899386 room was e01a637825 cute. The bed was 502c776109 covered in light e9a843844e yellow sheets. I was filled with 3649624203 the desire to take ddd5c60b95 her on that bed. Whenever I d6f6eeda57 buried my a2007620bc flesh inside 7c1da44be9 her soft f9f87a0884 body, everything 48f34eb78f became okay.a8823ea455c87688

I also wanted bccfbfa616 all the photos 72767db7f0 that were stuck c8339bc832 on her vanity 867a898ada mirror. When I asked 8c538bbb15 for a photo 307308ac67 of her in c86583b78e her school uniform, 87fe7b0702 she pouted and 6d9e0ec0e0 gave me her 9c6bde3f0c ID photo. She was overflowing with ca470f9319 affection, a result of 66339ac5e5 all the love that d19b6733a0 was poured upon her ad1f164f90 while growing up. Something I never received.98d058395c130165

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How nice would it 12f8c263c4 be if Jiwoo had e7d6870512 such a loving older ade37dd910 sister? I looked 8e4a736dd9 at her a80f54a97b and thought 8ae4b1b7cc about the 3e120d8418 younger sister 4cae708d83 I had c3b29fd110 to protect, 3e3f859289 even though 2a852b4a1f I wasn’t ee7a988053 very close 1c92491bdc with her.22fced72ff6f660c

I wanted to ad208e4a25 tell her everything, dd016d62a0 but I didn’t dcca7c3097 know how she’d 1dab907205 react once she 9b8dccb593 knew the truth. I guess it ccad1e43fc would be accurate 219b2a7f80 to say that e5bec6da6e I was scared.918d0c416f9059e6

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I kissed b477370082 her soft 4844051b04 lips and 2e3d289cc8 slid my 74fa587fb8 tongue inside 40299c6630 her warm c36106b21f mouth. Just as I was 381d586ddc about to reach out 097e98691c and caress her chest, 49d7860dd4 the door suddenly opened.698ece92edfa2bbe

Her brother glared at 1848724f45 me as if he 55d8823fb2 could hardly believe what 6a16a0d381 was happening. I lowered my f43b36d069 head. I understood his desire 96decb1f7d to protect his younger c881aaf916 sister.2227669dc67ede0f

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I became Oh e46e9d8be9 Hyunho’s school hoobae, 4d37f65693 not Oh Milhee’s 1231513f05 boyfriend, and I 528a773fff had dinner at d1a51c84e7 their house. It was a 51979ddd2a harmonious and normal 29d734a5ab family. I felt awkward, like 8ba8872e5e a drop of oil 99dd3058aa floating on the surface 179248ddd9 of the water. Her father was happy 37e3c29e1d when I told him c680b69545 I was a road 41a123a904 cyclist, and he even f2e18339f6 asked for my autograph.a0b7c236b2d3a551

My parents f75b0b115d didn’t care 832cd34574 what I 9e54637836 did. And the better I 395dc29978 did, the more displeased e18fa46821 they were.9afecbb3ad15e567

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I was grateful for 38f6c57b6d the warm attention they 67fc2c032e gave to me. Her bright personality ffe95d60ff was probably created 7fbcc8ca2e in this loving 2c152167fe family environment.84831b4f48cedf80

On the other 62483aa2c4 hand, I foolishly 7d747cd1ef ended up getting d4a740e52b my pride bruised. I had e057785ab0 the foolish 127acba185 thought that e2c1edf3c8 I envied ce65d45a01 her for 8599ea6b39 having something 9037f84b07 I didn’t. Everyone wants and envies e3aa1c84d5 something they do not 6b49d1ccf9 have.ad9e151cfe1b2990

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Is that why I 3d9b12a885 love this woman?f0df574002cf9009

As I was leaving 5dd2648786 her house, Oh Hyunho 4ec3d9d500 followed me out, offering 7f89b2d71c to see me off. He acted f6d4806687 like an a86e278823 adult and fa66a481ef handed me 4878ae6279 a business 65dca9f139 card.cbd7b07ad2900580

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“If anything 711a11f656 happens, call 14d2649bee me. Treat Oh Milhee well.”939c29148cfad4be

I wonder 443bfd0c32 if I 3d83ca9ab8 can be d2018b3ae4 this kind c91fba737e of older 2f0e209aea brother to 29ba9bc75f Jiwoo.c2a29af9ac2058a9

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I felt bad 16d8e8f4f4 for no particular cd38f7bf91 reason because it a8f8fd4062 seemed like such 3ead58686a an impossible task.3f0a7cfd3e7840f2

My mother died. I returned home e736a4acbb without telling anyone. Of course, I de6707119c didn’t tell her 4798772726 either. After my mother’s funeral, 0a82d57a16 the precarious family unit e4e857792a that had been maintained bcf2ef406d until now fell apart. Jiwoo had afdf68b9bd finished preparing bc1d215585 to move 3e0ca9bee5 her studies 8d8eb38a2e abroad and 36668a68b5 follow me c1b08aebaa to Germany.f4408741064d03f3

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When I 9c057b3610 stopped by 6939a59171 the house, 72f98f3814 Heesu cautiously 62a990eade watched me.04757efd69d40c27

“You aren’t f4e7af7d75 going to c5697c0f05 see Milhee b0731dc4d3 this time?”e75e46525c1bd8f5

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Every time I 5560c85b59 came to Korea, 6b1487b928 I didn’t meet 486686cd57 my family and 011e5f7e44 instead met her 998eebc906 before heading back. No, it would be 60ff918b0c more accurate to say ad802ec8a2 that my purpose for 2f048a1c95 returning to Korea was 78dd4b80c1 Oh Milhee.b332a3c10cd0e3b0

“Yeah, I’m going ebc2f542d3 out for a c5ffd12eff bit. Please keep 443ea902df an eye 9b04ee8ce7 on Jiwoo.”549eb9f16bac0810

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While she had 9d7c53e309 been adjusting to 6b0bff83a5 a new environment, 16d8ebfe6b our mother died. Jiwoo began to 46ff5d6f9e suffer from mild 8d1a655ec8 depression. She told a5ae80c0f5 me she c5f614a5ce was having e43b74765b a difficult 7282f67892 time enduring 9640aed470 her father’s 911aae0494 threats to 00b41da616 sue me 04f29f0049 for assault 2f237e085e and that 8705a8b188 I was 66ba04ad68 a bastard 0cd389e192 who stole ccb246ed4f his daughter.afad60f6fa7206d3

Now all I c17ad3abf9 had to do cbd5904abf was take her 394d143ae2 to Germany. My heart b636c42775 ached whenever ef5ca1b61e I imagined cf0551bc1c how my 7cce0edb09 mother and 1ad129ecda Jiwoo survived 88451c3934 in the 51d1340a7a midst of 81790a20a1 those two f793a90627 cruel men. And I thought about eeee690db7 how unfortunate my mother’s 70c03204df life had been. Even though a7b44fa6da she was ec9098ed8b the one 3b7c2591ee who abandoned f00d1a8411 me, I 327dcbe830 couldn’t help 4a18f5e2c5 but pity 84de13eaef her. Now, in a6b5dd0755 my head, f962b2be59 the word 1cb35e8435 “mother” was 21a4d09e4a replaced with 36a5fd22e6 “mom”.6f3d8959ef738a6c

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After leaving ef0785853e the house, 209409c43c I headed 5fd164a786 to Junggye-dong 3a6b4d9baf where her 847aea41a9 house was. I wanted to a82b46e4d1 see her, but 367c60143c I didn’t want d34659d8d1 to show myself. I was too pathetic. I felt like 286a72b718 the anger I b2eae09dca had been suppressing 10e8dfc400 would explode if 8e9ece1818 I saw her.a4eb0f0adf24f782

I wanted e279d28aaf to lean f193e37f26 on her. I wanted to cry. I wanted to hug 8b1d25a9dc and kiss her.a8ffadb0da32c15d

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I quietly watched c7437cfa6c her walk through 4a70fbffb6 her apartment entrance 695255224f and disappear into 6f07e7570c the corridors. She was doing well 6ebff5fc60 without me. While I 1e74810452 was glad 2823dbad2c to see af4e2e2aa3 it, I 959c85aae4 also felt 8b5cbad522 sad because 2a2b813c52 my presence 7f8c4eadb5 seemed insignificant adc5328d92 in her fa6e8bea3e life.7bfc522cb2e0c20f

I found a house 35423df420 to live in with 76c96e5acd my sister, participated in 57b0dd3d6b training sessions, and went 343e362e12 to competitions. Even though I won a2663ab5bb the winning jersey, my bd3bdfd370 heart felt a little df08b5e725 empty. Sponsors started coming f9d98c23df in, and my 24039c0043 income gradually increased.6fed543d73728118

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— I think we ef8b737917 have something we need 1f96f41701 to discuss… Do you 0d366120ad have anything you’d like f86436e219 to explain to me?94e8838bad2e941c

I was silent for 203830461a a moment, not knowing 9ef2791cbb what to say to 3e87412b51 the sudden question.935bbf6f1b1d02f1

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“I don’t.”c18df267bd394ee3

— If you don’t, 8fad663689 then that’s fine.506f00d4e868ea2e

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Her voice was no c3b604e4aa different from usual. I also spoke about e6d65017e5 my daily schedule in f23e81270d my usual voice. I told her I e93d5a9e27 wouldn’t be able to 385c54ee6d go to Korea for 9b6545d97c the time being because 5a94656173 I had to participate 59ca5480c5 in competitions, training sessions, f87ef8993c and various tour programs.1126a8bdf3e7adbf

Jiwoo met 8275924397 a Korean 4779ec6cca psychiatrist here e956904ee8 and began d6982811b8 receiving counseling 1590b61b90 while struggling 7aaa765aea to adjust 8ab3df37d9 to school. It was natural 050d7bde86 for me to c2f27b8936 be more concerned 0f9ca4516e about my younger 5d352c2866 sister who had 34f8392531 lost the world 8e651bdd74 she had lived 5311680f16 in until now 11ddec31a8 than about her, 601b18ccc2 who had a 97882d4e9f warm family at 5b7454994d home.4cfe645768755ef7

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After the ae1682de8f Vuelta a 0c722dbd94 España, my 9956ba83fd sister’s doctor 35c2e729f0 insisted on ed975cb49f family counseling, 0df4bee4f8 so I 6842dc954a signed up. I also had 21967e6fba to go to 566bb0179c her school as 47c9e5deec her guardian, and 39ab625feb my team manager 62df7e8277 kept me busy fa7a82341e with a packed 74921c2b97 schedule.719081bb72746dcb

I hadn’t 81d339d2de been able 14661f1a6f to contact 027f58346a her for d231709665 a long 05957dca66 time. We exchanged messages f96fca96a5 a few times, 06ddca5a97 but she seemed c226df5267 busy preparing for 9408692f95 graduation and job a4b5ea9daf hunting. I thought abdd298163 she was d4262985d1 doing well 83fe1f4da8 and keeping 7fb222adba busy.1b4d8f1256ac7266

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But when ff454693f6 I received c135b638dd an automated 6439c2e97b message saying 9d20712699 her cell 2780642859 phone number e1283adda5 did not b7b76f26fd exist, I 6a04492fe7 thought I 1819963020 dialed the d07e706a92 wrong number. So I tried 3aa0809cbd calling again, but 1429b145b5 I got the 92d6d9b7da same result.3d07f1709a5c4dfc

I felt anxious. I logged 95a985ebe6 into my a0c1936f76 email on 73f2b1c04b a hunch.67cb9151ffe68251

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「I will continue to 955d7a7bf3 support you.」35aa2c122d0679cd

The subject of bffd6b3389 the email was 3547b80de7 kind, but it dcb28b66c3 incited violent emotions 2037ec3e07 within my heart. I hesitated 060d77b299 to open 2b98d2d115 it. After spending fca3f61dfd a long 16911fe106 time at c9f7bc23f9 my desk, 7b5581a3f6 I cowardly cca757ef1a logged into 9f0280e89a her email 0b4ad42fe7 account. The emails she had f191a14be1 exchanged over the past 2ede232f76 few days were still ba19f8af99 there.8c8970b4e1b52b8c

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There was still 0ca8a2465c an email from bf2480c628 a broadcasting station 12f439c0b6 notifying her that bb771aecb7 she had failed 82d0cf599a the document screening, 9dcd2d7d7c emails exchanged with ad16d214a4 professors, and an d53ab24392 email sent to 29ab5a9a48 me in the 00bdb2e2d7 outbox.2d8822cf13a9c6f5

「Oppa. We’ve been 880482a073 dating for 3fe86b8771 a long 960f376e70 time. Right? It’s already been two f25eca7452 years. I’m sorry for being 8bc340e6d2 selfish. I don’t think I 0e9290fdf0 can do this kind 08d7683f21 of relationship anymore. It’s a e9f1a1393a bit difficult…From 4247b250da now on, ff05745eb2 I’ll be 49b68f9d7f watching you 39936680d3 from afar d3ab037c3a and cheering 6d2e20671f you on. Even though we’ve a6de3c0a41 always been far 20694b5f01 apart… Thank you d5d57c10c7 for teaching me f3e25026b2 how to ride 42ad150853 a bike and 119b00d23a giving me so 8fb3e2995a many good memories.」b418cc21838ca1f7

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I read c4e2d604ad and reread f86ad9bce7 the email 4462c2de59 she wrote 13d652a563 dozens of 654ad45dc1 times. I tried calling her 43a40f0ecf again, but all I f54ca7aa68 got was the disgusting 577fcd596a message saying the number 5481fe4d91 didn’t exist. It wouldn’t e1506b7f78 be enough 4415be6424 to say c8d122a96b that I 3a3448ad99 was upset. Even the word 574f02cf28 ‘hopeless’ didn’t encapsulate b00a541e4f what I felt.7b063d7f6e38b75f

I thought about efd6770dc0 it for a 095f95b21c few days. I checked the 788b342477 email again and 86cfe82767 wondered if I e57cfdd038 should reply… And e88f274acf if I did 5c1eb39daf reply, how should 0d727b2c86 I reply?27c06fe8419fe8fc

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She said a5ceba9304 that our 3d830d5835 relationship was c81ee0d710 getting difficult. I was 75dc6a4398 at a 56125bfc55 loss as 86b9de9977 to how 4119860886 to make 4ec3385909 it less 98196de68d difficult. Then I f77c7ffc7e tried to 21e1fca558 log into 1e592b6ba4 her email 11775c3487 account again. I wanted ea96681583 to read 27b36ac658 the email 004855d8d4 again and 2641b3077d think about 78c556c22f it. But a pop-up window b3859f482f appeared saying the account 6987252d54 had been deleted.fb404051efbca01b

I interpreted it 0e604fcfc7 as her withdrawing 5f75ea07cd from our relationship. Even in 23084c5cf4 the hopeless c33743bf70 moment of 05383fb621 having lost 7adcee8428 everything, I 4f7d2c2f9a had to afde867047 live. I couldn’t just throw 534c0f0ddd away my training and a0bf598c9f everything and head back bd76c5d511 to Korea. I now had a dc5d21516e family I was responsible a6d45e8031 for.97faafa2d0335999

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I clung onto d87d30e3f9 exercise. I hoped Jiwoo would ab72fea8c6 find her own path. I quietly supported my 524187ecb6 sister and became a 413ccbc719 family with Jiwoo. Because we were lonely, f977740bd8 our sibling relationship was ecd548a7cc very good. As an older brother, 9be8e9a6d5 my role model was 7b60228c0b Oh Hyunho. I hoped Jiwoo b901f52a7a would grow up 26e4d150d7 to be a 85d329a82f bright and smart 3214276c42 woman like Milhee.ad45a4fdbac46ba0

I won several 873bd3ab4b Grand Tours and 53a6f4cad3 gained many fans. In Korea, the 0cdf7bb65d tour was even 5788e606d4 broadcast live on bcece18ef0 a public broadcasting f3b6429e04 channel.112a765f1685e863

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When I 0af28429cc was around 1b688eedc2 twenty-nine, I e2640caebd randomly went 0a410fc500 to her 0c69892a8b house. I loitered around the 1c889f6a1b apartment from early morning acdcf9aee7 to night, but she 1a463010a2 never showed up.aa4f01b28b3b105f

Did she move? It had 08f08babd6 been almost c11690da10 three years 3696a4abcc since we 86c13c22bb broke up, d9bb203032 so it 70fedf5514 wouldn’t be 86d4792ee1 surprising if 67019307ec she had 1573905e18 moved.e3adf45ac9f2d54f

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“Gong Mujin?”fe36f7f614c23eb3

I was startled by 1ceb9dc512 the voice that called d69330acf2 me from behind. Thinking it ee8ff79451 might be 6397585a54 a fan, 8cd3dc0bd0 I turned 3c50d9f3bb around with d73e2f3616 an indifferent b0b436315d expression. Oh Hyunho was standing a6ca2eb404 there.d5501b8e7bf68ab2

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“How have 503719befb you been, a31cb4394d sir?”e93be671313ecb7d

“What are you doing 005eb1a6d9 here?”13aa3f0cdc9fc112

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He was asking why 87e5e9f548 a person who had b64d5d69b3 no business here was ce6cd8642f standing here.7fda1b495f4b0567

I followed f7b01e2a10 him to 08a0a762ab a local c1c4f88197 bar. Meat sizzled over the da994bc4b7 charcoal grill.5ba07e758df53189

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“I often come 8453480065 here with Milhee. She really likes it c0561781c1 here. Eat a lot. An athlete should eat 322c145aa9 well.”dc8bf01c1a790107

He smiled 38f225919c as he 6f06c3b132 placed the 0ac49c2be7 well-cooked ribs 0e8abd6e52 on a 9d45f2e272 plate of 3d063d8555 pickled onions. He still seemed c75941e997 to be a f4dd555073 nice person.814155f6e62207e4

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“How have you fef6d1b228 been?”4c6f9ce1b872f780

“Who? Me?”01bf55d4064a6be1

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Oh Hyunho asked back 3a66bd332e as if the question 4091884dd0 was absurd. I laughed awkwardly.8e35ab1012f41eb1

“Our Milhee e93cd666a0 got into 484b5f298f EBC. She’s an assistant 885621b9e6 director now. You know, an AD? She rolls 8659ed6ceb around all 0a0d7310f9 the time. she’s rolling around so 52c653f1e0 much that she’s losing 07dbea2bc8 her mind. She whines and whines 30036a1c52 all the time, and b79a3fe6a7 she’s so annoying.”65d7c45fb62db627

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I let out a 25fcc54be2 sigh of relief when c41ec2050d I heard that she 23c49324a2 had gotten into a 3a7b1df22e broadcasting station. I smiled faintly now a1854cb0fb that I knew she b27e9d6758 was doing well.9cd134858251784f

“How are db32aa3dee you doing? Whenever you b552d8a65a come on 56cf8f33d2 TV, Milhee ad89c7fb56 gets so…”42056f719e971b0e

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“Would you like to e4ae932239 add anything to your 4aa6a352e6 meal?”b6bdbf643f875f9c

Oh Hyunho’s words were 4759684e57 cut off by the 35780e80e9 passing restaurant owner.2ba91a131e89dc5e

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“We’ll eat 007d97b62f a little 7ba8276e6b later. Can we have a 0f70db685d bottle of soju please?”9953bb7142ef2f03

The lady wrote d97ff1c282 it down on 6a312dbcf7 the bill and db5a61dcc1 disappeared. I was curious about 3f88df8636 what he was talking 90176377cb about earlier. How did she behave c3e7434688 when I appeared on c6efba554b TV?d0396fdae6af71bf

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“Hurry up and 6ea7e5603e eat.”b92d2704d0d9a7e9

Oh Hyunho f0b8b11075 seemed to 63e7cf3386 have forgotten 1c5f7a98e6 what he c9e1888d01 was saying 98cdacf91d and began eb199e1eb5 to talk 27f0085699 about something 70e02f0caa else.c85de8cbe2a6eb9a

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“I heard that bicycle 8d3f556b07 sales have skyrocketed in 0aff100c62 our country because of b5e3c9d3fe you. They say 2f4b1df68e that our 11e2a98e4e country’s bicycle f58901147b companies have 29e20a5995 grown a 87ae479fa2 lot due ae68e9c015 to your 3aae80a51a sponsorship. You really do a 9748d76461 good job promoting our 9e211e48c2 national prestige, you know? I was 78f0726ff0 surprised when fca4edb1cd I went 16ea0f599b to Gangnam 25120e88f1 a while b7a795526d ago. Your pictures were 753f62d0b7 plastered all over 0784690933 the Nike store c268b05aa2 in Gangnam Station. I’m really curious. What do 752d860222 you think 09e8f212b7 when you cf1352bb23 see a bd1160ad21 picture like d7e90eb05f that outside?”3f76307bf5245ebf

“It’s just embarrassing.”7be88ab620cc90d0

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I gulped 2a34fd997e the soju ce8af3a85a he poured 2046cb1da3 for me.20ce27c0314b7624

“I think a9a878b1c7 our Milhee 31201c60e0 is glad d13428067f to see ca939321a9 it. When you e7f2d59096 appear on f1f680646b TV, she 697f727c3f couldn’t be 53e32a46fa happier.”e285cfc9c9ed83bc

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“What did 9d03d0498b you say?”2f2d667f2ae1b301

“Wow! He became c7dab3d5a7 super famous.”c98c184350374590

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He imitated 759806d064 his sister’s adc22089ba voice and 34589613f1 blank expression. Then he laughed.4ef56fb08fc86622

“She’s doing 3dcf282ab7 well, right?”97c3c6bf38a02fdf

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“She’s… well, you 980911a0b5 know how she 77cc723a75 is. She works really hard. When she was dating e6fc023227 you, she was running 3c102a3250 around like she had 7744fa70d1 a screw loose, so 3a73abf511 it seemed like she 63f0a5d293 was having a hard 5c130d80bd time with her grades.”97197876484ca2cb

I didn’t even 5faed74190 know she was 5ab586b780 struggling with her 9ef62c4fbe grades.d59978296c5a737a

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“Then she 69bb145280 studied like 36ab49bc84 crazy. In the end, she 8c30459f58 ended up going to 909606789d that broadcasting station.”d48d8c1335a94988

His affectionate ad69990b3d voice sounded 6f4ee78c1f proud of 5991fd34eb his little 35256872a9 sister.f19a4324a44ec4e5

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“I’m glad.”95925f5d5f7e4561

“What about you? Are you 8310b14a1e doing well? Why did you 29aad2763b come here?”03b9d8a56c052e1c

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I had difficulty saying ffd3b91bc0 I came here because bc3b3f2bdc I missed her. My younger sister Jiwoo 01215bd398 was now twenty years 08fed56964 old. When I 6a12141b94 thought of 7ff458f20e Jiwoo becoming daad1d62d6 an adult, 7c760fa821 I was d0ba13e9b0 overcome with 399c1228dc an indescribable 1f811de611 yearning. I gulped down 60ba2a2d39 another glass of dd7f9c1e95 soju.0103dda55143e37c

“Live well. You’ve succeeded. My little 3777620795 sister is e691e78179 doing well 18bb9bd603 too, so… 2ed5408d0a Don’t make 9a9438e9d0 her heart 74deb31991 waver for eb8617a6a2 no reason.”6d41731b2d8326a6

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I quietly b67b5003fe nodded at d191c909f0 his request.e592572c13cdf533

I lied c089acb62b when I 063c59d9cf told him 7bcb12a7c7 I was f134fb2445 doing well. I wasn’t doing 58d4ef11dc well. In my wallet, I b50a24d548 still carried her high a700a72322 school photo as well f1fbbeb88d as the photo we 547e6fd83c took together at Daehak-ro. Her ID photo, 03f5dda54c which I teased 9404e54cc8 her about because 6233f3f5e9 it was awkward 390f28657e and made her 505a35726d look like a 8602ef8735 different person, was 3d24a29800 in a small 4c3341ba48 frame next to a8ff3c119b my bed in 9ad8f48fe2 my house in 1c48c51075 Germany.c2eb43b8f51dada5

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And I 37a750cf0b still hadn’t 6860e556a5 opened the b16dcdbaef last email 08230f3f2c she sent 3f8a4797a6 me. I probably won’t f8b2c20675 open that email c6848179a6 for the rest e71a9dfb19 of my life.2517c4299ec122af

A few more years aacc62ff04 passed, and my sister 5b12ee4fed started living with a da77ec40af boyfriend she met while a9e1f13ab9 attending college. As I watched my ae5b2b4f79 sister leave home to e3a96dfabd live with her boyfriend, 91227503cc I jokingly blurted out 5a1d2c3a0d that there was no de8179e1dc point in raising a 2cdf609e72 beast when i’s just 1aa951dd7c going to abandon its 039ff723ff family in the end. But I also c2bf8ee622 felt a little c640ad91d3 relieved. I felt 35a26ec374 like I 0a464d19b1 had fulfilled 322f0bb3da my duty.88cfbc681f6c6001

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After putting the house f632e5ff42 in Germany up for 837f17c7d3 sale, I bought a f3139daf7d house in Seorae Village. I kept the d9e1917bfd frame of the b36fac0f2c house but renovated 5ab18e3a94 the rest over 45d52dbf22 a long period 7f0b66cad6 of time. I planted round juniper 325176125e trees in the yard. The landscaper 7ce9f3bd63 said that ccf0f33315 my taste 60e84fb429 was ‘middle-aged’ df6e2248c4 because I 17d973992e insisted on c1e75e98e3 only having 20dfe8e3fe juniper trees.acf9cfe2170b5674

It was a misunderstanding. My taste was acd1a43969 not ‘middle-aged’ or afbdb3c934 mature. My taste was f4f3c8e335 just… Oh Milhee.9218d54fc1977013

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I really enjoyed 470f11f2e1 watching the first b34926a44b program she ever 8f3821533d directed. I even sent bc86e5629a her a fan 8f61f929c8 message of support 3c061d66db with my aunt’s 665fa6e33b friend who helped 5d78617f95 with the housework. When an article criticizing 5423ca2157 the program was published, 96117d921e I also posted a f8d806c08b comment defending it.4cdfc8dbb9c72d41

I thought we 851dd71fb3 had to support 963bd2d8a0 each other from 637ee23bae afar. Suddenly, I 12d3c70e0f received an 27ffce1bde unexpected offer 43e9ef0b85 from my 04283414e4 aunt’s company.01873eec22b57699

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“Let’s just do one 2c5211b3bc program. An educational variety 21e0041b01 show. You know the streaming 0861906cc9 service that a lot d034248539 of people are using acb7577f7c these days? We’re going to produce fa5554b997 original content there. Our company is 8f89f107be going to fund 0e13969fa0 it.”f296ab28a204b6a4

My youngest aunt 68cd26b3a4 was a designer 0f3f386970 who specialized in f33521ba1c industrial design. When I aa5ae91700 first participated 8ed49c615c in the 6abe3a5368 Tour de d654f2a061 France, she 7c8604e541 designed the b351400403 frame wrap 8213ba21d8 for my 9e0433650b road bike. After winning the 94c042aa3a Maillot a Pois 448d5755ec Rouge (red polka-dot ac34e4552d jersey) and then 832d67926a doing well in db896c03b2 the Vuelta a 9472c9304e España, attention was 0c2520f219 drawn to the db02ec3a90 road bike frame ad3404e80b designed by my 7054e41b42 aunt.a377535cdd0cff65

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As a result, my 57bfa762de aunt went on to 5786c891d6 design official tour jerseys 08f952e077 and other items. And now, she 2485bb823c runs a bicycle a66a303d50 company in Korea 3198188c01 and acts as d9b13f5860 my agent.b7f329a163b6ad6f

“I absolutely hate 2397c4592b it.”38f8a46dda543f4a

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I refused outright, 7c25a5c05b but my aunt 2c56eecc3f was persistent. It was hard to 7eee37ee1a argue with her when e4abd34933 she said that I d809396a35 should help her out 6e4082e979 as thanks for raising ceab34cb12 me. I rejected, rejected, and 3091b94cb9 rejected the plans that 869a570ee8 the PD brought me 6d1e849726 over and over again 80c971cf7e until…762d1b3a5c8fa104

I froze when 9a999c53b3 I saw the 711e569eda new PD. I never dreamed that 435a411e30 Oh Milhee would show 9438220176 up.2b93f3f9944dfcf8

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I thought that 73d1f77b95 if I ever eb483a32d4 happened to run e32217379a into her at c3624edbd5 the broadcasting station, 34c74f39f3 I would be eeb8934b86 able to act 210989299a like a cool 274632f7a5 adult.a8cba2562246e9c2

But it was difficult. I heard them 5b18d82e97 making a ruckus 2ed6a92c74 about rumors that 5607599bc3 she slept with b418fc0cce PD Han. I watched them 1cb08131b5 grab each other’s 5535311c9d hands, watched them 936d01a133 leave the table d0e07ec27c together after having 9cdb1b8180 drinks as a 43b08f9636 group. Listened as that bastard 99b1221efd PD Han spewed some 5cc83c3b46 bullshit about how PD 779f911bf1 Oh liked him.565c5a97f9d6da11

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My insides 1cb85fb533 turned upside-down.a9f5de3ce136f5dc

“Sunbae! Ah, Sunbae-nim! Sunbae-niiiiim!”2582bb194cf9d9a8

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And the 02ab1d232c way she 4d4dc08214 called PD 9a5be90545 Han really 92f96173f4 bothered me. There was abe2cbbc5f a time 0b68f79cf6 when I df32dc170b was her 905e8db095 sunbae too.8acd647a31ca0e9d

It still d89df02c5e bothered me. Even after spending such 6669448aa8 a night like last b0bf843544 night together, she continued 0d07160529 to act like she f7c0faf2ff didn’t know me.b8bb7e10d7b44bf3

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“Sunbae-niiiim! Just this once, 372811b330 please?”608809169786c249

She continued to 38acbd1235 act cute towards f795e277cf the bastard PD 06355522e7 Han. She was 74ca16a90c completely unaware bc9e16c312 that her 7c19e29d12 actions were b178c20ff6 dyed with ba45474fa4 the characteristic f7e4dc3fec aegyo of 3832736622 a youngest 1aee4ce2e8 child who fe38c8b7de received a 6bcad8bb3e lot of b1b9285623 love and 50bb451509 affection. It was b0877baa10 obvious that 6b258f4827 she was 714ce8086f completely unaware 5d474a4cf7 of how 0d99e853b1 much it b0afc918f3 tempted the a4940e5007 men who c2951b8e73 watched her.1f12875aa5724164

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My clenched 61f4213f85 fists began 40da2701c1 to tremble.ce20fcc61e5a0233

“What’s going 31bf0140b5 on here?”977510405bc662f3

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I approached fd7bcafd88 the two fe40918a4a of them 6402ed9b51 as they bce981bfc4 continued their da2eb9bdf7 lovey-dovey tussle.0ba8e420d64c86a5

We met again 044e6202fb after cheering each 156035ab59 other on from 928321b5bd afar. Now that it’s come 8b8d5c1c81 to this, I can’t 578c35013b help but think you e6bf29c57f and I are destined e4a9cc1f92 for each other.93656b124bc525b0

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Now that fate 3059058d0d had come to 963be27815 me like this, fe15bf8add I had no 8e0d1b9d2c intention of cheering 32593f7e36 you on from 72f0b3472e afar. It may be selfish c239fce766 of me, but I 65f5e2bfa2 will have your heart, 0edd8a1596 even as it pretends 0cbdb7291d to be completely indifferent b843a44bc1 to me.88e956862dbab37e

I wish ac04db0b6d the wet bdb0bc11c6 wind would 266d565775 blow. And I hope it 9c240c28c0 will bring rain.8cebfaeb98efeeeb

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Just like 0ef976bc73 when I f38803239a wished I 3c2f835df0 could go f667974010 see you 2dea03d92f when training 8707f302e5 was canceled, d445d7e5c1 I wish 78d1ff6629 filming will 06fe42dc93 be canceled ee7f39da5a and I 5efc38f3c0 can hold d6aca44769 you in 5ebb25461a my arms.2044edeb46b86107