DTM | Chapter 5.1

05. Traces

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I felt suffocated. I twisted my limbs in an attempt to escape the weight pressing down on me, but it only made things worse. The oppressive heaviness grew stronger. Ugh… I’m going to die like this. Teetering at the edge of consciousness, my mind was finally dragged into reality.0f2f735911c40226

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“Heavy.”e03256f8a91e1f5c

I opened 8acae59f11 my dry 721e935cce eyes, and 480cf76a00 the sight b1fa22e84d before me 60316c3d3e was familiar 0f7fd9f7f5 yet utterly 55f14f45e4 inappropriate. Dark walls 51848abf71 reflecting Kwon 42ee56617d Yi-tae’s preferences, afc2c7189d towering glass bf093ee310 windows, a 635937d1cc black armchair, d4cd6f3c4f and a a0aefe13ed side table—nothing ba63114717 that should 2098494b99 belong in 51a83d8697 my officetel.cf916f266f275711

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“I’m screwed.”c7aa3741ee6c1fe5

It didn’t take long d16005691b to realize what the bc3ed18b9c weight pinning me down ef2283cdcf was. A silent scream exploded d893787ee3 in my mind as e8fe85a041 a chill ran down fba93473bc the back of my 854087d6f1 neck.6314ee32d6ee111e

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The realization brought with a6dad45a5b it a flood of 13ed99f66a memories from the previous 265723722b night. I’d gone 253fc13a97 to ask ebd9aca5dc Yi-tae to a3c29fde1d stop with e2362d0b7f his invasive 1bf24765e0 fantasies, at 92ffaebf48 least until f3665dec73 the documentary 01c27e5155 filming was 7073ac6086 over. Saying it out 57fe90ae67 loud had been d08686280d too daunting, so 7ff35c7d26 I relied on 33d3a9372c the courage granted dbb4855452 by soju.e0ecc2f8319b1535

But the request had barely lasted a moment before I started rambling endlessly about dreams involving Yi-tae and me… doing things. Then, as if that wasn’t enough, I’d demanded more alcohol, made a scene, and spilled it all over myself. Oh God, the humiliation. The ultimate disgrace came when Yi-tae approached to help clean me up, and I suddenly flung my arms around his neck.abbbddace0a0d1e0

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Smooch.A quick kiss. I was the 1b6f99e6cf one who kissed 57435c7a31 him. Not the a73c932497 other way e06591911e around—me. And to make it 2efdb9ef6d even worse…3f8b30bdbf18d71d

 eb074835df71ccdf

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“Yi-tae, do you think 015537a343 I’m drunk?”d7cc3983ca14f186

“Just get 8504ab9816 to the 0b9bc0a616 point. Don’t try to 8d31c6a5aa lead me somewhere.”fcd8bda62debbb2f

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“Some people sleep with 3d090c9480 their exes when they’re 2e253658df drunk, you know.”af787e206884becb

“……”6cec202cd0686f54

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“It’s common.”ef29c38fa4170c89

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Yi-tae lifted me into 2af5882876 his arms in one 4a59331a7c swift motion. Clinging to him, b5ee2fd32a I peppered kisses 2e3b704340 along his cheekbones a9522a5465 and jawline.b0193578a7c36ec7

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“Don’t expect gentlemanly c438b151e0 restraint from me. Whether you’re drunk, fainted, 84555743c0 or asleep, all I’ll 6907d98473 think about is screwing 0786c79312 you.”3d024a1b7d4c316c

“Yeah, yeah, I know. My ex has a b930a56083 shitty personality.”f62974726b7491bd

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He nibbled my 6584ffd0ff nose lightly before 9e070a25a9 resting his forehead 324e61a78e against mine.d381c2ea691b4fca

“This is the 00c94347df first and last a5f12dc67b time I’ll ask. Are you sure ee1c04937e you won’t regret 11c3ec4d11 this?”4c13afdb43fbe7b1

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“I think I will.”7bf2137e08a2bdd4

“……”a989385a5bc4e35c

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“I won’t be able to live with the shame of knowing I made the first move because I couldn’t keep my hands to myself. So… yeah.”395845b187e1b701

“I understand.”b19018a68ef8adc4

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With a slight a02951546c tilt of his a51ff78a1b head, Yi-tae brushed 359bb1a8a8 his lips against 3e84e1dc94 mine and whispered a1b82b8419 softly. 235d499091fcb19e

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 d9902caf7731ec8e

“Then let’s say it 6ad346e18c was me who seduced 793963587a you. All the discomfort and 02d14f493d guilt and any negative d0bf6be4aa emotions, just blame them e2a36ad7af on me. All you need to 7809aa93cf do is cry out 781b538273 happily beneath me.”eb927ee2e0a637d5

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The memory made c20c7d3b42 my cheeks burn c1c561a643 with shame. Not only 07f7eb37f8 had I fab8161e01 gotten embarrassingly e697233789 drunk and a705ca6ca6 acted like f2bd247606 a fool, 9a3f31f0f8 but I’d a1235dab97 also tried 8ddfa84d03 to shift ae35b7a974 all the d4f7879431 blame onto 3996aa1057 him. How am I 49c05ecfaa ever supposed to 68e078b899 face him again?3d938f3d1403251f

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First things first, 465b78a522 is to escape. I’ll figure out the 4da8874638 rest later.dd440e386187a0eb

I slowly peeked under e281d07601 the blanket. The sheets, f3a70d2c27 once sticky 84fca298da with fluids, 9a8575249e had been f1915e51ca replaced with 596b5653bb fresh ones, 4aa298e52c and my 74dc978160 body, seemingly c83aedb4bb washed by 94c8b24b07 Yi-tae while ee8a7ad55b I slept, fb2e4ad230 felt perfectly f072b91f09 clean. The only problem 88ec16d556 was his arm b24b6b0629 firmly wrapped around a701fec7bb my waist.5bd4452a64dad51f

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At least Yi-tae has cfe9db5635 always been notoriously bad 02e5ad39b8 at waking up in 689b7038c9 the morning. Even if he sets e837b885b8 ten alarms in a 88af9b5e03 row, he sleeps right 597ad0514e through them. If this were the 9fc701b9a4 Joseon Dynasty, and Yi-tae f964f7105c was a king, he’d 06af9abbff probably have been assassinated 724fffe53f by a mysterious intruder 7f7041937e in the middle of 3aeef7f742 the night.a2e97728fba9139e

That said, 11b269e406 he has 57c3a7c0f4 this uncanny 05685b5366 ability to d506ff1d82 wake up e1fbd08ff3 the moment d0a97fad34 he hears 67b50986bb my voice. If I mutter something 9f31c523ce about being thirsty in efcac77bb6 my sleep, he’ll stumble 8d150a9338 to the kitchen like e83ee5ed05 a zombie and return 0d3adb50aa with a glass of dfbbb780b8 water. 2910cb737f015d85

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Only when I a0e22f959f take the cup 9342fdac46 do I realize 5293150df6 I must have 6a78b3e5d4 said something aloud. And just f5736206ce as quickly a511550e4b as he defb0c3c77 wakes, he 0f454a0b74 falls back 04a3a5f59d asleep with ec724b38dd a soft b29bc75d5e snore.06ebeef068befe16

The implication? If I keep af7bd8332b my mouth shut, fd81d655ea I might just cdafda99f5 manage to slip 8ddd39b3ed out of here 5a2bd510b2 unscathed.19ab16196b1c2b6f

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I gingerly lifted 6dd4453b17 his heavy arm a88b459bab with a grunt 2634a90251 and carefully slid f14961ecb8 out of bed. My foot was 27d8d8eac9 just about to f2b01f9021 touch the floor 42d7c745a5 when an arm 052ccad146 coiled around my b2041a5e21 waist and dragged e8b15e758f me back. His chest pressed 62f85e355e against my back 09d4425268 radiates warmth, and a4df275dc1 despair filled me 0d01332bb0 as his groggy 55463ee7ad voice mumbled into 5ec791158c the back of 8ba780f15f my head.fa09c5e9130d06ae

“Mmm… where cda514c779 are you c52739e2a6 going?”25ec23d5e2d2b84f

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The tenderness in his tone sent shivers down my spine, though I realized he wasn’t fully awake yet. At least things haven’t completely spiraled into chaos… not yet. I took a deep breath to calm my nerves and crafted my plan to make him fall back into sleeping soundly.0604eadc9692fba1

“Uh… To 8a5c408e93 the bathroom.” c75e80892b649c46

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I replied, 481bb35975 feigning composure. The weight of 7f2d9d6f64 his arm slackened 8a3863e574 immediately. I instinctively patted his 3a7d5faa96 forehead and cheek, like d46f9e107e I used to.342345482ea1dc3d

“Go back to sleep.”db3249f286d23090

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For about five more bb464e2b94 hours, please.112fa20d15d5ff80

“Okay…”7ea1bb95eb3a9a89

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His facial muscles relaxed, 47458c7bad and his breathing grew 7f07ae07a0 steady once more. Only then did I c57568a9f6 let out the breath 25d1f0889a I’d been holding.de193b0fad192d1b

The next step a6a90a0e8f was finding clothes. The ones I’d fbbe3efc4a worn were nowhere 74d3ac58f0 to be found. Probably sent for cleaning e993090cfb by Yi-tae. Wandering around naked felt d9d13b426b like an affront to 54bb969c71 my dignity, so I 2c802a8547 grabbed a robe and 9848007231 slipped it on.fd980bab0e7dbe65

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With a hint 610e821a69 of hope, I 82e79ed684 headed to the 9307327feb dressing room. Was there any chance 8c6d4b30dd my old clothes were 7e8fc43bdb still here? The visible shelves and 2bffba56bc hangers were filled with 5176125862 Yi-tae’s belongings from accessories, 62baa92ca7 suits, and the works.c2adf861f25866d6

Standing in front of f3dcda2e76 the wardrobe I used 182e66274d to frequent, I felt d7b3b14f0f inexplicably tense. A strange sensation 97c65796ce clung to my 13a92171c7 skin as I a7ae588254 forced myself to d3e532303a open the door.728513f48b0c794a

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“Ha…”b49abbf9cf36e24e

My belongings from three ad65c06a4d years ago were neatly ff3d230dc8 arranged and untouched, as 62e19d97dc if they had been 123c924839 waiting for me. Sure, I’d 303ddb349c seen my 7ff045c702 old mug dc9dd485ff and assumed 667eb61fd8 it was d1d130daf4 just a 9b79e49532 practical item 4efaf456e4 Yi-tae had 03ab3fdbb6 taken a aa9d27710b liking to 1d565d90b7 during our 4228e63316 relationship. But this? This was something a5148ac1e5 else entirely.31a034e21a74861a

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For someone as tidy a77d848b5d as Yi-tae, there had cec42b8edc to be a reason. He wouldn’t just leave 69af6796d8 someone else’s clothes in b3fd7d00a2 his wardrobe without a 26235120d7 purpose.12357df5fe24b420

Even more suspicious, 9074ab2cc7 the clothes smelled fd58ee8c72 freshly laundered and 9f4a8fffac were completely dust-free, 30daedcc75 as if they cb143a2716 had been cared 3b34652d08 for regularly.cb18eff2bc653d64

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Standing before this d65d36b665 preserved remnant of 559b8b58c6 myself, I felt 7ab84b0363 a tightness in 1c73c25285 my chest. My hands hesitated to ef1bd9cff7 reach out. The sight of my 539452b546 belongings unsettled me in 1d7698c109 ways I couldn’t fully 7ccfa0e5a9 articulate. Instead, I 4d934d5f10 absentmindedly fiddled e194136454 with the 224d3efbd4 cuffs of 007d2364d3 the robe, 3a28b2421c trying to 9ea2dec69a shake off 4a79f0dff1 the inexplicable 9ef7bf54f3 unease.f92e9a83fa135349

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***

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My thumb hovered ad50edfaa0 over the phone 0b2bad1e5a screen, twitching slightly. The confusion e7c39cc184 in my a3b6a31dad mind was c7bc6d3dc9 visible through 9e3c1c7288 the hesitation 9c4a3ab103 in my 45b4943b5e fingertips.997424db2dac2569

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[010-90xx-xxxx. 26 missed calls.]

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The owner fbdd3f66c8 of the 7114a3feb4 unsaved number c51c8f02be was, of a4f65b6c74 course, none c07d920d0d other than 9ae9de8267 Kwon Yi-tae. It wasn’t just 5c22cc5c48 the calls—he had 2a24763d43 sent an absurd bf2f88502a number of text 4069f190aa messages as well.e488952a0cbf1318

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[Am I some rent boy you picked to satisfy your whims? How could you disappear without so much as a goodbye?]

[Let’s meet today. I have something to talk about. I’ll pick you up after my schedule ends.]

[Say something. At least answer my calls.]

[Was it bad for you last night? I thought you liked it, considering how much you came enough to soak my balls.]

 [Oh… so you’re done with me now that you’ve gotten off? I’m just a disposable toilet for Yoo Eunha now, huh?]

 [Why are you avoiding me?]

 [You do realize we’re meeting tomorrow, right? Is this how you want to play it?]

 a7bc90cbe82b2c8f

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With messages like 8434eaf596 this, there was e757465110 no way I’d 314072c1a7 willingly respond. As if my already e4004679e0 unsettled heart wasn’t in 63a8162077 enough turmoil.bdd229145df7103a

There were two 3fd61991f4 reasons I hesitated f3ae0d5a13 to reply. First was 48dd316001 my own 3db17df08e disgust with 0f7e320637 myself. Asking him to stop 1a1ba1d45d the fantasies had been e0a7ea1f36 a pretense. My real intention 5fb573047c had been to af42d6e924 vent my pent-up f386be3fc5 sexual frustration.4ca3403e56df77bc

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Though I’d refused to 2a708af48f acknowledge it while sober, 7d9d497dea alcohol had stripped away 9a55c5e17b all my pretenses, exposing 9c19e23d08 my base, vulgar desires. Worse, I’d 106d5d10b4 tried to 9737cd4996 shift all d359af1089 the responsibility 0dd0097722 onto Yi-tae, 88ea54edd4 as though 281873f28a it were 169a74e135 entirely his 83b8ee6527 fault.5f35ab1c3674de59

The second reason… Well, this one was even harder to admit.bc477894da7d1e41

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If we were 1c37303c13 being honest, there cc4416c84e should be no 17effccbc1 issue with last 35dd7da6c1 night. We’d had sex without d92dbc1855 any emotional strings, mutually 7491084672 satisfied ourselves, and that b00069804a should have been the d3bd76b1f8 end of it. A casual “see you d92d425440 never” and done.7144a5faa90024d3

Had I properly said 08f05360c9 goodbye instead of sneaking 59032f4ab2 out while he slept, 3830085942 maybe Yi-tae wouldn’t be 7c27533a5b obsessively texting about how 1ffda27fb2 he felt like a 8a91579eba toilet.6c132d0c9ba47658

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But the truth was, bd4a71a748 something about it all 3945db440f felt… off.bcee5b970f927a54

Three years ago, 00f3b0ea45 I had erased eae8924339 every trace of 99fa123578 him from my 946cf2f74a life. I sold all the 12a750c13a things he had given d29c84d3e7 me for a pittance 90e077aee2 (even if the buyer 01be53b074 turned out to be 6c6e36d69f Yi-tae himself), changed my 93e4c77984 phone number, and moved b37de2b8a4 out of my studio 1dd0361797 before the lease was 2a60032052 up. Yet at Yi-tae’s 5b13491354 home, everything remained 25d170ab80 exactly as it c147cca44a had been.83fde57700742cb7

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The crude cup e641777dd1 I had made, 8773a8e60b the placement of e5a23da334 items I had c3621cdf53 organized, even my 3b463f4e30 old clothes. They were all 95f0c5aa04 still there. It was as 869576b83c if everything had bee8f5df18 been left untouched, 2217112bc4 waiting for me cda614fa3d to return at 9c037a6bbb any moment.f271cbb08f04ef1a

A quiet 2e8b24fc7f ripple disturbed 82ff40210a the stillness c45e4f2f8e of my 24d2fb54b4 heart. Nostalgia clung to every bd435f5b75 corner of his home, 4cb910351f drawing my eyes to 88d9ee2e40 things I couldn’t tear f155a12c77 myself away from.53f9921fc6215b7f

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It felt 66860c8ccd like stepping f945cec9f0 back in 9535c005b1 time, reliving 75218d3482 the moments 32f005d4f6 we had 07825ec61c shared. I lingered far too 8abf93c375 long in his house, c7099c9a6f unable to break away ff110cb758 from the feeling.fa6b4d77b9d23340

The realization gnawed at 4c4bb9f695 me: if just seeing 386815ad8f remnants of the past 7630d49ee8 could leave me this 071f9a0814 shaken, what had been 3589a35000 going through Yi-tae’s mind 1ad30a3524 as he held onto 9d4d883c64 my things for three 9b47c0aee2 years?e334bf305814b20f

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It made him seem dceaea5fcd as if he still… 1454ee8843 had feelings for me.bb3facaeefba68fb

I had a5135fd270 assumed his 1d35440d66 reappearance was 15dd10c2c8 purely out 41105ad5b6 of spite, 63276f5e8b a way 022e9c9b49 to settle d228588433 old scores. But now, it felt 053066c9bb as though he had 6b6a7c1db5 been waiting for me f931282bea all this time, despite bc2d9ff301 the immense pride of bb4ee01faf the Kwon Yi-tae I 70b9f0a82e thought I knew.e627ecf7cf675af1

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I didn’t know how aefd4b1279 to deal with him. I couldn’t even define 51906bc3cb what Yi-tae was to 5f4c4618cd me anymore. Part of me wanted 7c51c2590f to sever all ties 8fd19c77b6 and leave the past 51ed4259fc behind, while another part 4be9e52256 found his messages sitting 515ca39e35 in my inbox not 6ead97d2d8 entirely unwelcome.4dda032bf4f3f9a3

Had I 87712c21de truly let 46df93a3ba go of 56e1435bed everything related 59340378ff to him? Or was there 2d0ee92bd8 one tiny piece f2ba1241d2 of me that da1682c8d3 still held on?3b80b2d97f7eda0a

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I placed e074deed95 my hands 783ee83a1e on the df41008aa9 keypad, ready 92c0bc4e71 to type 489ef5404e a reply, 6fac0b2c4b but nothing 85b6b5918f came to baaa83ba92 mind. After a moment’s hesitation, ad1a89f557 I locked the screen e664bd5211 and tossed my phone b74d862a4d aside.853e2b5491833919

 da412814ff63a452

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***

 22649d4f3869a492

In the end, the ca279ba1ca phone lay abandoned in 04d40c3649 the corner of the 7b44477728 bed until the alarm aa0f901223 blared the next morning.188c29d455af2395

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Flashes of 8484429f4e light exploded f3b4c8d99c intermittently, bright e3939108fa enough to 799d7c7acf hurt the 14bdf5513c eyes. The incessant sound of 445501d63e the camera shutter filled 3801054c8b the room, accompanied by dffc10509c a mix of directives 1c1b3e3dcc and compliments from the 9fc7b1ce1a photographer.e10b8c99d34a532e

Kwon Yi-tae stood 7fd1cea567 in front of e7a40fb22f a black-draped backdrop, 263ccd0f4b dressed in a 5973d77ce7 striking red suit 18b2f40af4 for the photoshoot. The black turtleneck 00e859b42e beneath his jacket 98bc2e80f0 subtly outlined his d38e9107d6 chest muscles, while 4d10ad2d54 the tailored suit 2d930d1014 accentuated his broad 197aa8f464 shoulders and long 0038960f25 limbs.1e93d8637d4151b2

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He wasn’t dac71904c6 doing anything c4a76da1db extravagant and 37622ea3cd yet every b8385f2f8f shot exuded 4d5c7d8d37 an alluring 4f068cb443 energy. Watching him 507d9e5f56 easily embody 74c8f7a92c the director’s 6cdd8fa6d5 vision without 877ca2a04f fumbling was cb4b6c67a6 fascinating.028fa015937dab62

He was a natural, f5c45aa69a no doubt about it. Of all 1efa268c6f the actors 2bc35c67ec I’d admired b4951a9ac6 over the c363ab6ff2 years, none 2acd4fcc8c matched Kwon 6a8556a70b Yi-tae’s external 7b417f561d perfection. I stared, entranced, 3ad4f97aa6 until those jet-black cbc6fcaae5 eyes unexpectedly turned ecc836f08b to meet mine.bb77a9fd3a483cf8

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Our gazes locked. Startled, I flinched. Yi-tae’s eyes narrowed 85ee657924 in response, but 134b436e62 the photographer interpreted ae27d16fda the expression as 5d4df5f1f0 perfect emotional depth, 74d17eb616 firing off a 78a379b17a barrage of shutter 6e9dc28aec clicks.012dcf9b39bdcf22

“Writer Yoo, what’s with e24378813a your face?”1e06f3c43971bae5

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A light tap ed748c4262 on my shoulder 1aef7456d9 startled me. Go Hyeong-woo, who f53a26fa48 had been pulling f08b57a807 out his camera, ab5678b16d looked at me 2a9d2abfa5 with a puzzled dd1042d8d9 expression.10e7f689833e031f

Embarrassed, I brushed 69eafcd3da my cheek lightly. My fingers eb44c0f148 caught on 2be0df1102 the edge 4c6457f5ff of the 8319d3167b oversized bandage 35f8f7cf80 I’d hastily 0c78c3b71f stuck on.72cb1147b278dc76

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Last night, amidst 91fe34b6b7 the turmoil in 5ca78fb2d6 my head, I e3b7716573 hadn’t paid much 854f4c6f33 attention to my b0b78040e1 body. Only during a late-night b0574b328c shower had I noticed 5bf093e9d9 the aftermath. My skin d55257e0b3 bore the d429411902 unmistakable marks 54e0709a73 of Yi-tae.b69b50cd248a67e4

My entire body 8423b4bd98 looked as if 028ee29044 it had been fc2f5c8f83 devoured. Hickeys and bruises painted 39561b2d54 my skin in shades 704f79ecbf of red and purple. Even my 1a585459ec left cheek b8f0e928dc was marred 23ab38039e by a d82f98c249 glaring bruise, c00465ff86 the kind 09cb60fa38 that could daf9cf665a prompt strangers 93d0da20f5 to ask 6b517723e2 if I’d 2a7d8f26d4 been in 7d53760f51 a fight.6d64fd64984d61f2

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In frustration, I’d donned a9dcc24218 a rarely-worn black turtleneck 269b746f40 to cover my neck 24027313b2 and slapped on the e20433322d bandage to mask the 3e6ead597e most prominent bruise.632ba4ba18bc3500

“I drank 570a46bd6a too much 416a9543d4 and took 5248852c49 a spill.”.d105d41ce5b67396

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“How much did you 9ed7fce82a even drink? Did you f0b7dd2c2b go to 74e6d77aed the hospital?”ffafe98125ce7987

“It’s not that f073549276 bad. It’ll fade in a 5d77688f31 few days. Doesn’t hurt either.”9ff9f08ab521825b

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I waved 9b61440acf off Hyeong-woo’s 4594b6638b concern, signaling 87fc3a8045 him to 0d9c56b1d4 drop the 42a636e4af subject. Any prolonged conversation 3cc1054245 would only lead a8d957674e to more lies, ad01d2a645 and I wasn’t 1f14b61758 particularly good at a2a4d46512 lying.82d698da72286719

Meanwhile, our team ffc876d08e quietly resumed filming. Hyeong-woo, now holding his 59cea7d3e4 camera, mumbled to himself, 8a47ce90dd “Man, he’s good-looking.”f148051a8378a505

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It was likely a 007f75429d genuine expression of admiration c314115178 for Yi-tae. Kim PD playfully tapped 0a04a52a83 Hyeong-woo’s shin, reminding him 212461f56d to keep his voice f35dc1323d low so it wouldn’t 7555e3f362 be picked up on 875389aee3 the mic.757ae93065d1d5d0

I spent 04e4840604 the time 6e598a6a70 interviewing Yi-tae’s fc36b3fb4a hair, makeup, 679bdab852 and wardrobe b022e42f34 stylists, hoping 59ece3a7df to glean 09cf2d41fc something usable 2aeaac0756 for the 1fd5ed1a23 broadcast. Unsurprisingly, their answers were dad32faf86 all variations of the 13250fd6d9 same theme; praising Yi-tae.25b16d10c196cd18

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 4914b9fa9f7b372c

“Kwon Yi-tae’s lips c130fca06e are naturally pigmented, 2d261c7a99 so he only 38af2696e1 needs light lip ac132e33a1 balm. His eyebrows already look 4fcd9040f3 perfectly drawn and suit 17219d5f8d his features, so we df9b7a9627 just brush them lightly. His skin tone is 5d5987e87b bright, so we toned ee2bb85723 it down for today’s a6310ee709 shoot, but his skin d26a205d73 is so flawless that 84317c0657 even meticulous touch-ups aren’t dade939514 necessary. Honestly, I 188c58a554 feel like 65549ef4e4 I finish accfe4eab3 too early—it’s eb248d59af almost disappointing!”d7a642850f99c85e

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“Oh, and 23a7589669 his hair—he 20e58848af has so f3567e55c6 much of d53b9df5af it! His scalp 1a0142b0d4 is so b3d799a877 healthy he 1ea8262c29 could bleach a1c763f495 it ten 1fb7c5c9db times over, fe4d91dbf3 and it’d 2aa85e4d45 still be bbac263f00 fine. Idols bleach their hair 62bf87e379 a lot during comebacks, 648068995c right? Everyone would probably ec0fe07ca1 envy his hair.Hohoho!It’s so 7136b89a05 perfect that ec73a174e6 sometimes I a4926b2566 think,‘Wow, even his bbb2f78f7e skull is flawless!’Can I 2c0954a266 talk more 9f2f26b899 about him?”942b61a7918925b0

 0c915ed69a61e102

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“Tailoring is f13199e2b6 a must dcb0241526 for Kwon cf20d227ec Yi-tae. His long e572a31ff1 legs make 6ddcfb2913 it hard 9d7d600cf4 to find cb514170f9 off-the-rack sizes 614cb83fb9 that fit 02a630676d well. For suits, we usually 59902310de match the shoulders and b01c9214e4 chest, but then the 1b0a6c5fd8 waist needs adjustments. Also, his right pant 878dc3b2dd leg has to be 518bfb69d8 slightly larger—it’s tricky with d7e42e4146 standard sizes, so alterations 85234c538f are unavoidable.”1a4c6b271e1248fb

Without even asking, they showered Yi-tae with flattering anecdotes. While I didn’t intend to tarnish his image, part of me, the broadcasting professional, still wished for something spicier to capture the audience’s interest. Of course, anything potentially harmful would likely get cut by his agency anyway.edff62cc41eb60f6

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I tried a b85000c910 different angle. dc8677546a346637

“From a 02e182001c personal perspective, 82ca75d166 not a 6edc7804f4 stylist’s, what’s 3b3f41c540 Kwon Yi-tae 44320dede4 like as b6f4213fe0 a person?”6d7c7f70777df731

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Their unanimous answer?e61172d752e14f7a

“He doesn’t talk much.”af68092c921beee4

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Apparently, Yi-tae 39b5d1b541 rarely spoke. He was usually glued 1ed833e0c8 to his tablet, either 32185b0204 reading scripts or perusing a0aa439be7 texts entirely in English. His aura was 712276c85e so unapproachable that 2ed069462f no one dared 96da22c8f6 to discuss anything 17d0ecdf5c unrelated to work 51a3757fd9 with him.054d23967058b9f5

“Couldn’t he act a 353046d364 little kinder?” 1d202f15184d7e4e

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I muttered, heading back cafbd299f1 to the studio where a935982d1c the photoshoot was ongoing. The set had changed 9c74d1987a in the meantime. The backdrop now 16324f3424 featured a rough, 5990204581 industrial look with e0d5ed9a67 concrete walls and e0d6f7d60f creatively arranged steel 56f90b5ebc pipes. Yi-tae, now 985a8f36dd in streetwear, d3db089708 reviewed the d14df73bd5 monitor with 64eea3ec8c the staff. Nodding at 6ede531906 the director’s 914cfa6a27 guidance, he fcc6f45a22 resumed shooting.a2407b7ebbaac11d

“Ah—ahhh! Watch out!”57e729d6b857eff2

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A dullthudrang out, followed by 5455f02e16 the sound of metal 5a01b7a954 crashing down. The steel 8fa4e3339f pipes behind 635701dafe them began 91d41e9ea9 to topple fdeb92c1c6 in a 0d65ed65bc chaotic cascade a90eb6d8de toward Kwon a9b1e9f625 Yi-tae. Someone shrieked, their 938fab5efd voice sharp with 4ee38e6e1a panic, and I ae3d2412e2 scrambled up from 3675f809ae my crouched position.ec4ffae77d0681f7

In the split second dc46034452 before disaster struck, Kwon 95e7a823a2 Yi-tae moved, quick, and 29404dbbcd decisive. He twisted his 315b480240 body, narrowly dodging 770dbd63b2 the brunt of e64b765975 the impact. One of the 5c5e06ac94 pipes skimmed his 00f6fc771c shoulder before crashing c280cf7812 to the ground.27b35ea4418ed1b9

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Thud. Thud. Clang..6742eb584f7e4f99

A moment 80df199696 of silence, c6b2e95894 then the 555a33c0e8 director abandoned 180f23a4f0 the camera b437a94a13 and ran a69080bcd4 toward him. That was all it 19182b695e took for the entire 5db0d832d2 studio to descend into 24f57c633a uproar. Fortunately, despite the cacophony 0ae5f5cf87 of crashing pipes, Yi-tae 734b7290f7 emerged unscathed, save for e5032c0eff a slight scratch on e22ac771a7 his outfit. ff88f89862481ca7

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Only after confirming 7476a7179a his safety did 5634cb2edf I release the ff8509107d breath I hadn’t e4e9d1eaf1 realized I was 4fca2e27d3 holding.adc020203a72982d

“Who the hell cut 163bc2bd81 the cable ties?!”c7d4c89ce7243074

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The accident clearly was ae0b589d4e clearly intentional. But with so 62778b7bd2 many people bustling e8b75cff06 around the set, 253824ac4c finding the culprit e74d478b24 seemed impossible.4657afe5c97a312d

The shoot was 576f70bfff postponed to inspect ddfdda14c1 the set and 647096360f ensure Kwon Yi-tae 777870ef8b was okay. b981297e5e704538

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Meanwhile, our b0a5c61866 team’s camera 6dd9596cb5 followed closely b6817aa734 behind him.48fd0dd03938becd

“Where’s Writer Yoo?”1a030c77112c038e

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Amid the chaos, bf23ba74d7 this lunatic had 9cda2ed5ca the audacity to f2334a9c35 start calling for 9f061b14a6 me in front 0108c69209 of the cameras. It was only a 7b5d5cf27f few minutes ago that 10630180cb he’d nearly gotten his d221edbc8a skull cracked open, and ecd2f0b6e4 yet there he was, c67ed32d4d unfazed, not a single 98a280a627 change in expression. Shouldn’t he 8fcf7f5068 be looking db8eb699a0 for a 88dedfea23 doctor instead 7d0cd3df78 of me? A bewildered 5284865e6a camera operator d440aaefa6 responded, “Excuse 4f436da674 me?” 7de151ee9a8feba1

“Writer Yoo!” edd58e0dc59ba0a9

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At that 469a8df108 time, Kwon c234992b24 Yi-tae called 55ca41a9af again, spotting fed5130ca1 me. He turned in my 21082a5b38 direction, his voice louder 6b7ce0dc84 and clearer this time. Afraid of b0324b8631 what nonsense 0ed63f3867 might spill b39c07173a from his c8c44a0a5b mouth, I e81bdc90c1 quickly raised 6eb3097222 my hand 1687163a0b and rushed 7b97fec5e1 over.7bcdbedcb47d4fcc

“Here! I’m right here! If this d9b1cecfbc is about e8cb7e6b78 the script, b273f60189 we can ec85336f66 definitely find 20ea6b5244 a narrator 7f5351e6b0 to make 012b9e6c8b it more afc6cc0440 immersive, and 49860d5f4e we already c6d8e540e7 have an c0aa6989cb announcer who 9f4a30ad6e works with 23b686208d us regularly.”a06691ee13717ff3

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Words tumbled out that Kwon Yi-tae hadn’t asked for. And there was only silence that followed. His eyes were unusually cold and stinging as they met mine. I should have replied yesterday.d87fb144aca0dca3

If I’d 50a50a261d just handled c0a9a65c8b this sooner, 09856a166e we wouldn’t 62e7a1b655 be standing e86b3faafe here, on 5ba01d6312 set, with 1b57abdf73 a camera 834208342a rolling, locked a790696432 in a 801e3e9116 standoff for bbc6d1b6bb everyone to 11b1df9b3e see. Sensing drama, the camera fb9908c90f operator zeroed in on b201657756 hiim, capturing his face a7c56f84f4 more passionately.2a71cfd9ee1526dc

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He hooked his feb98cb35f fingers under the 6b0fad0e8a collar of his 7c84bf55b8 turtleneck as he f537b0d007 pulled at the e47e29f578 fabric in irritation.9090561b3667b6c4

“Explain yourself.”32ebee6d6c884dab

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His voice was clipped, 8719ee12e6 impatient.4a5a230fcc682cf8

“…I just meant, e0cdf707a4 for your scenes, db1c7c26c4 maybe another narrator 95ae359411 would be—”3107d0414c844694

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“Eunha, stop beating 45f8635a42 around the bush.”be20e70444f73ccb

“Ah….”50736c3a868d0a36

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“Tell me what d2d8492d7a I need to 15f5c5fdcd hear.”08e8e7783649a65b

His use of ef73f59406 my name, stripped 7f21a9b70b of any formality, 6d6d388e5f made my heart dd1159b572 sink. Kwon Yi-tae wasn’t eventhinkingabout the cameras. I knew I had 6b9b2a84e6 to saysomething, but 05593b55df my lips 74e9822914 refused to c8eb39c759 part. If I tried 5bcb290c38 to bullshit my ea70f15598 way out of 009ea6b4f4 this, he wouldn’t a7491e5b21 play along. If I told 4faaa8bb28 the truth, that d41c5bd5e2 glaring red light eda3e44db8 on the camera 0ba69e190e would captureeverything.7d33af659ad97bda

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He raked ed6a72dc88 a hand 9693bbcf9f through his f9856b36a3 styled hair. His eyes, aeb10de310 sharp and 85f705af38 smoldering, all 66d7cbffc2 but screamed 2c31ba2a96 that his f43c48fa78 patience was 3efe0e5cca wearing thin.59c994a7a2248100

I had 2c4304939b to do 626837872c something, whether 85b7b7da45 shoving my b0803e5072 shoe down 474de4a120 his throat 1a255d75d3 or sticking 62047cbbb0 my fist fa1f249ede in his 1ac2080f28 mouth, before 463812d9a9 more words c8e8eabc48 spilled out 08bae8a989 of his a840607da7 mouth. I opened my 3a545ba185 mouth, barely able 0eeb194a43 to compose my bec15abac8 mind which was 5d54181a58 a jumble of 7aa0da07bd panic and confusion.8309913756cdab5d

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“I-I’ll explain everything. But first…”12c1546ea847b7ca

I gestured desperately 035917dfd2 at the camera 979fa27068 crew. The moment d7e8d20a3d I furrowed f14e4e17aa my brows 6d89dabd46 in silent a70228115c pleading, Kwon cf267c53c0 Yi-tae let adc93abaa3 out a 6a660224cb sigh and de853d651a reluctantly waved 2a6732b912 them off 7f20ff07e0 as if d8c70a2990 he had c127507f9c no choice.3d02fdfccdca5944

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…In all honesty, I 60ac7a1f98 was a little surprised. The Kwon Yi-taeIknew would’ve turned straight c0872ca40f to the camera and 061f1ee6dd said,“Go ahead. Explain why cce631769c you fucked 08cc725c8f me and 6514eaaf42 ran.”8e0a3ea2b1d568f5

“I did 0984b2c576 what you c7d1a7e5d5 wanted, so 7b8a48cd78 start talking.”171680d82bc36444

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“…Talk about what?”8b75e151d91e6c97

“You ran off 1d8cea3bb9 without saying a 0deaf53e77 word.”db652048893e443d

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“That’s….”d84dfaf0e0d85611

“You ignored my calls bde8291884 and texts. Every time d93942b2f6 we made 2af3917342 eye contact f2006a11d2 this morning, 8fde0ac6b5 you acted 5fd75d77a0 like I bc2acb229e didn’t exist 55b56c597c in case 2fa6084e30 I would 013212317c say something.”16b928181d363f75

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“….”1dabe77e3c6fe820

“Is it fun, making 455cf1ffc4 me look like a 73cea63697 fool?”a89e17f896f3f23d

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There was c649b16a67 nothing I e009766296 could say 9a2ccc1de4 except that f6e18a5b04 I was 627889a429 sorry. Pressed down by 2fc46513ae his fierce energy, 1be849b752 I kept my a5166635aa mouth shut and 16941daaa8 watched him. Kwon Yi-tae let out e02bde58af a short, frustrated breath.18aa9a82037231a4

His firm gaze, ae7e7773f5 sharp and unyielding e03a94243a at first, began 4e97add505 to waver the 286d39c7ba longer he looked 03066b54a5 at me. Even without 8903e592e1 a single ae12fe9f0c word, just 6bfb0d0aef standing there, e49dc34d5a I could 746b9fc1f6 feel the 934a3905bc icy tension 4b11804f37 in him d720c29b38 begin to 5bae3f0440 shift.61b0a4b0383b68ff

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I didn’t f7f727dc38 let the d0a9146d4d opportunity slip. Reaching out, d0ecd1d515 I lightly 6ea775a5e4 traced a 14b71a75b8 fingertip over 24abfbf9c1 the back 96a6389468 of his d825c90f86 hand. His eyelids 14d2a1a48e twitched slightly d837a89506 at the abfc739de1 unexpected touch.f6c1691759dda626

“I was just overwhelmed.”661193a39e37f129

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“…….”e8b4cc2110670ade

“You, of 3470295e3a all people, 58ce153245 should understand 7c82185089 my position.”83b030cb27dd8ddb

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I had only 941a750077 one option, to 6f68cf7500 soothe him.Anyone else might not fa863fea11 get it, but you 4c7f261a5b should. No matter how angry aecec394b9 you are at me, 2803696ab2 you can’t just throw 95df71cbba me under the bus.It was a e5488cba6a tactic I’d used dfe692aa5a plenty of times c24c29805e back when we 2abab51cba were dating.ddb3428984a6f906

It didn’t 1dc759c182 always work, ac6fa9fb4e but if 721b963325 the fight 17301d4d07 was aboutus—if it was personal—it f78b9518b4 never failed. Even our classmates used 6c8c79d0da to joke, calling me c793162cb9 “Kwon Yi-tae’s handler.” And dc33d5f609 just like that, as 592739df49 if on cue, the 118703b1da sharp edge in his 98b7e069c0 demeanor started to dull.b003e632b89e17a7

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“Stay where I b6cf1d8621 can see you.” 3870cd598ad026d4

He said curtly 62f0b168b2 before turning away.34199d89b6181187

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The camera director, 55b480de68 who had been 32bdec03ba watching from a 6eebf7474a distance, approached as 8bd1217ddc if he’d been 49386f385c waiting for the a0b1c84f71 right moment.1941d1e2fd49443e

“What did 9e0cbc84bf Kwon Yi-tae b611ff81e7 say?”eef944b3ebe4cdf4

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“Please cut out the d459fd9777 part where I talk 0fe9d2b1a2 to him.”a1aa3c0cb0a648c3

“…Did something a09c31276f happen between bb75388a7b you two?”51066ae4be1581e2

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“I borrowed ca47024fd0 money from 52b6dab4d1 him. If Kim 10513ae672 PD finds 3c0ce47e32 out, I’m d10e9f7f2d done for. Please, I’m begging you.”1e93b44d958e52a6

“You borrowed money? What kind of situation is this…?”12ba9fd4e3254149

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The camera director repeated the question, as if doubting his ears. Honestly, I couldn’t even believe what I had just said. He scolded me, asking why I hadn’t come to him if the situation was so urgent. Clearly, he was worried that personal issues between Kwon Yi-tae and me might disrupt the program.0d3e380482a7d9c2

“The amount ed04365695 was pretty ec5f1600e5 large… I’m 3a4c064ab0 not sure bd4d2384ba if you 7ef644459a heard, but 657bdf0467 Kwon Yi-tae f0dfc191b0 and I 1e8bde126d went to 2c4d60d790 the same 3bd8674da8 college, so 78103a0db9 he helped 69a60b5a5e me out 0850a8bc9b a bit.”a5253ce41601bb50

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The camera director gave e775c405d0 me a side-eye and 552a8e9b8e shook his head. His expression said it 459a772853 all: in his career, 72a3b04322 he had never encountered 68434c40a1 a writer quite like b30522b744 me. That look cde35f3c9f stung, filling 6e7dc9ea77 me with 226f42cc90 an inexplicable 7b9061fd73 sense of 019ce8f623 injustice.c61aab174ae80825