DTM | Chapter 5.1

05. Traces

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I felt suffocated. I twisted my limbs in an attempt to escape the weight pressing down on me, but it only made things worse. The oppressive heaviness grew stronger. Ugh… I’m going to die like this. Teetering at the edge of consciousness, my mind was finally dragged into reality.037ba39e0a8a72ec

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“Heavy.”b9ca7232df4000d4

I opened my 8127f40c2b dry eyes, and 97cb410a00 the sight before c02ca04742 me was familiar 005d0c73d9 yet utterly inappropriate. Dark walls reflecting f1b3d16543 Kwon Yi-tae’s preferences, 660339e371 towering glass windows, f7df667cbb a black armchair, 0811907ad6 and a side a756d0812c table—nothing that should b3b1d831d2 belong in my 6ba5c13dca officetel.c94a40cdfee634b0

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“I’m screwed.”24fdb9dd51deb6e9

It didn’t take long 09033e5b5a to realize what the 817b0eda7b weight pinning me down 1a5de7fa69 was. A silent scream exploded fbc1a960d9 in my mind as f08cd055a0 a chill ran down f25dd62b7d the back of my b10ef6c256 neck.2c28ed4ccf019cfc

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The realization 363048466e brought with f6da63f1a6 it a 4d8f0ea7a3 flood of aa0277dcda memories from bf8a25c050 the previous c163d59c16 night. I’d gone 584530c1af to ask 41a5160a7e Yi-tae to 8a33a4ee8b stop with 6a927ce30c his invasive 1cbfe6ab02 fantasies, at a72f8871c6 least until ddc711de41 the documentary d9cf3bb16a filming was aa30d222ad over. Saying it out 1a4da7683a loud had been 9f79ddb627 too daunting, so 993d5b2071 I relied on 4f50a337e7 the courage granted d79abc5b95 by soju.81ce64bcaa5939e9

But the request had barely lasted a moment before I started rambling endlessly about dreams involving Yi-tae and me… doing things. Then, as if that wasn’t enough, I’d demanded more alcohol, made a scene, and spilled it all over myself. Oh God, the humiliation. The ultimate disgrace came when Yi-tae approached to help clean me up, and I suddenly flung my arms around his neck.0f696c967ae71a9c

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Smooch.A quick kiss. I was 89b4d94e26 the one 816f415e5d who kissed b668760008 him. Not the other 7a4a9fa0d6 way around—me. And to make it 38ffa6e822 even worse…73cc0fd7ae084054

 a4b975290a428bb5

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“Yi-tae, do f15cc0dfd7 you think 5f015eb358 I’m drunk?”34be60498df98ee0

“Just get to c8acc1341e the point. Don’t try to 991541466c lead me somewhere.”e32ea40e775ba9bd

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“Some people sleep with 97c0adfa26 their exes when they’re 9860c081a1 drunk, you know.”a61b7dcc5d4ed0fe

“……”8e322a06661d3cbd

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“It’s common.”82ee72b57fa41b97

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Yi-tae lifted 132a391379 me into b9529a70f7 his arms 915e5aa9a3 in one 51a960ca01 swift motion. Clinging to f694aa2099 him, I cf97753d25 peppered kisses 3fdb48f558 along his 161d280641 cheekbones and f86a2a03b9 jawline.9518ec781e060a84

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“Don’t expect gentlemanly restraint 023f0479d6 from me. Whether you’re ca2d35a859 drunk, fainted, c5e1450814 or asleep, 702e68316e all I’ll 28c24885b9 think about f2d38ab8cf is screwing a9d485e093 you.”1d68d93c44fd9108

“Yeah, yeah, 1871e79063 I know. My ex has 2344a31a73 a shitty personality.”9e6ddedef1cb8363

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He nibbled my nose 73308ab83c lightly before resting his 92624d6908 forehead against mine.e6e41141c2a4f5b2

“This is the first 6d8e0a733c and last time I’ll cea5221ba6 ask. Are you sure c8a2ee5f8b you won’t regret d2f155181f this?”b06d8049a6b10a93

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“I think I 704b6c8a93 will.”d47ea0f2993b2805

“……”ef2da0ebbf5a1017

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“I won’t be able to live with the shame of knowing I made the first move because I couldn’t keep my hands to myself. So… yeah.”09d0f06c3dd48b60

“I understand.”8254c61e6e314525

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 844edac27e9cb9a6

With a slight tilt eda0b8ccc9 of his head, Yi-tae a95328194f brushed his lips against 065656dc8e mine and whispered softly. 5a6ff1851bede205

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 11bcb57c33367175

“Then let’s say 8930fc2a1d it was me 20f13d4629 who seduced you. All the discomfort cda0f3da58 and guilt and 22b1848cba any negative emotions, ec940a5333 just blame them fd23193daf on me. All you need b42aff009a to do is b4c136350c cry out happily 8ebb2d4f53 beneath me.”60496fe121dc33d7

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The memory made my d404024c29 cheeks burn with shame. Not only had ff5e2e158e I gotten embarrassingly d6aea63418 drunk and acted 35d2016901 like a fool, b08cf12991 but I’d also db4d0877ab tried to shift f13fa85d2d all the blame eab3663eec onto him. How am I 88267fe1b1 ever supposed to bc57ba6f6f face him again?7c48392323ba27c0

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First things d5937d14da first, is 4b3fe9ca1b to escape. I’ll figure out 0edf789bcd the rest later.c85c689d82e5ad73

I slowly 62fcbb9086 peeked under 13fafec61e the blanket. The sheets, 26cde38dd7 once sticky 7645cc8cd1 with fluids, f8eacabc0b had been c3eb1d200e replaced with d38519b211 fresh ones, fff19aa830 and my 8b5512eb28 body, seemingly 0d72e7bef7 washed by 8d5e8c9fe0 Yi-tae while f0ffd8963d I slept, 80bee58e21 felt perfectly 2adffac699 clean. The only problem a7ec7b765a was his arm 58fe9d5727 firmly wrapped around 5cdbff4b8f my waist.49e5b14557e5fd3b

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At least c3ac2f6902 Yi-tae has c0fce1d32f always been 125ff7c608 notoriously bad 783507d75c at waking 34cffeb7fe up in 14057a082d the morning. Even if he 5e28156dc8 sets ten alarms c017d16a64 in a row, 455f193fd7 he sleeps right 2093ff08fd through them. If this were c805e6d912 the Joseon Dynasty, 14c606f6c8 and Yi-tae was d2aff1bff2 a king, he’d 7c814a6845 probably have been 6b30cb6f66 assassinated by a 86f947f584 mysterious intruder in a2f45bc40f the middle of d6d407d493 the night.733e3e24dc980cb8

That said, he 666f15d3b5 has this uncanny 87a1c3929b ability to wake 7471164990 up the moment 53eb1af4ce he hears my 049bf0519f voice. If I mutter 7107a00b88 something about being 69b4404960 thirsty in my 226199d6e1 sleep, he’ll stumble bd84e862cf to the kitchen 7b0559abf9 like a zombie 940c6bb0bc and return with 4a8194dfac a glass of 90354896c6 water. f37205c38b9af9fe

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Only when b4800f5698 I take a9380b52f5 the cup 0e72cdc7b9 do I d7198b3cbc realize I 615f0393c8 must have be24fb8336 said something dbc07135bf aloud. And just as ecf6b25050 quickly as he 72bf8f30ce wakes, he falls c62b6f667a back asleep with f6ef06f0e8 a soft snore.dd2fa988f2fdbde9

The implication? If I e4bf6ee4d5 keep my f59d39b3bb mouth shut, bb11733bf1 I might bf75cce5e7 just manage 823fb50940 to slip aaef077fd1 out of e570d5f078 here unscathed.1a6e981fcdf7fe69

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I gingerly lifted d78c86c6bd his heavy arm f27172aae5 with a grunt d64d43751d and carefully slid a3b3737f62 out of bed. My foot was just 12b9a18a3a about to touch the 677892e1cc floor when an arm 8ba730cb3c coiled around my waist d347c48126 and dragged me back. His chest pressed against 43d1e70dae my back radiates warmth, 23aad9abbe and despair filled me 04b2602af9 as his groggy voice 46d8594c35 mumbled into the back c1b4547fe1 of my head.ae94a2653665b443

“Mmm… where d3aada7cc0 are you 26a535d441 going?”7fb45292441c0932

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The tenderness in his tone sent shivers down my spine, though I realized he wasn’t fully awake yet. At least things haven’t completely spiraled into chaos… not yet. I took a deep breath to calm my nerves and crafted my plan to make him fall back into sleeping soundly.a44205510c83387c

“Uh… To the 9e4588192e bathroom.” d29e19aba39d4678

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I replied, a357d59047 feigning composure. The weight 9990c24bcd of his d259bdfaa4 arm slackened c587b2f304 immediately. I instinctively patted a2fb286dc5 his forehead and 52857ce242 cheek, like I d368f9d9ee used to.96fb1636349fe476

“Go back to sleep.”ae0bece26e800f09

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For about five 435ab226ca more hours, please.a5ea4e354483f51d

“Okay…”58151633b4104e5f

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His facial a62ae4efed muscles relaxed, 9a6885ca71 and his ee4250aac3 breathing grew 362329325e steady once 4c78f4c700 more. Only then did 85afbf945a I let out 5191de951b the breath I’d 08da3dedb2 been holding.9535c9a13ebf5cc0

The next step 89ae45a964 was finding clothes. The ones I’d worn 9a4b8296ea were nowhere to be 61041df1fa found. Probably sent for e8b9cc0ee6 cleaning by Yi-tae. Wandering around naked 818b07234f felt like an bf8c602bf1 affront to my fbcf4d142f dignity, so I 19f0fa170d grabbed a robe 9e7e8ae006 and slipped it cf24bd3cda on.00234c9e7b781443

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With a hint 92d1ebcf88 of hope, I 725f18185f headed to the 5aee17abe5 dressing room. Was there 2ae39e3c5b any chance 749f850619 my old 11f0bead5d clothes were 4d2504cdaa still here? The visible shelves and d9977cbdc8 hangers were filled with e48adc1161 Yi-tae’s belongings from accessories, 1a44fd8f7f suits, and the works.d3138228abbb734b

Standing in front 66732a752a of the wardrobe 838742c350 I used to de0cb970e3 frequent, I felt 8ff510906f inexplicably tense. A strange 45c762c275 sensation clung 4c78175590 to my ab10900059 skin as e79e973887 I forced 395685c2fc myself to 7224cf7b86 open the 10f1218cb0 door.2112cdb03e2b8dbd

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“Ha…”b8569d5d75d5006d

My belongings from 301e5b994e three years ago 4286b7305a were neatly arranged 4c6da4f4b3 and untouched, as cd6dcf2732 if they had 0eaf50a11d been waiting for a11f44f083 me. Sure, I’d seen my cb9d60bb14 old mug and assumed 0e0860af68 it was just a 2d5882b700 practical item Yi-tae had a16cb3515a taken a liking to 33324fded3 during our relationship. But this? This was something else 4c2d143d64 entirely.4c2003bad965c782

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For someone as tidy bad5f30d9b as Yi-tae, there had 3b9b401b26 to be a reason. He wouldn’t 2e6fda270f just leave 310626f8a8 someone else’s 2c85faabbb clothes in 391200ed54 his wardrobe 0a99b503b6 without a 2efc1212b6 purpose.d7a11a8ef221c125

Even more 5274c09f90 suspicious, the cf463188a2 clothes smelled 65c8bea192 freshly laundered 35168f4e3a and were 97a9771198 completely dust-free, 2776e33faf as if 25899c58b8 they had a9e71acd36 been cared 3bc5aaacfe for regularly.16cbbab7607c71df

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Standing before this preserved 64ee01b8a8 remnant of myself, I 4fc57e09b0 felt a tightness in 1bd3eed031 my chest. My hands hesitated c93896bb41 to reach out. The sight 722a8fa770 of my 2973a1fea0 belongings unsettled 8d47c1c018 me in 50fd59f2a0 ways I 0e067b8c10 couldn’t fully cb3960ac58 articulate. Instead, I absentmindedly b83f00a069 fiddled with the 4374ab1490 cuffs of the a052119a7f robe, trying to c4a19fedd5 shake off the 72dd7febe5 inexplicable unease.0a968c85e4023d59

 352d41b1ae6d7ca0

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***

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My thumb 96436be6fe hovered over 3ddbc6f137 the phone 66aa070dd0 screen, twitching 90e8f728fe slightly. The confusion 80b687dba8 in my 7da34a4491 mind was 5b7840e95b visible through 4356109cbe the hesitation 5150d4da3b in my 57c2f01167 fingertips.03b8ad4201deb313

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 72548ad553981f04

[010-90xx-xxxx. 26 missed calls.]

 91c9ae4f8ed897cf

The owner of 8ea60025fc the unsaved number e2af881d16 was, of course, 5fa2d6ce86 none other than 3e169e4c14 Kwon Yi-tae. It wasn’t just the 74ffcb8cba calls—he had sent an 1b0296f740 absurd number of text 6888bbda8b messages as well.96cecd6e954bbcd0

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[Am I some rent boy you picked to satisfy your whims? How could you disappear without so much as a goodbye?]

[Let’s meet today. I have something to talk about. I’ll pick you up after my schedule ends.]

[Say something. At least answer my calls.]

[Was it bad for you last night? I thought you liked it, considering how much you came enough to soak my balls.]

 [Oh… so you’re done with me now that you’ve gotten off? I’m just a disposable toilet for Yoo Eunha now, huh?]

 [Why are you avoiding me?]

 [You do realize we’re meeting tomorrow, right? Is this how you want to play it?]

 e32a4e4ff0389118

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With messages like 372dd83e78 this, there was 9b472ed583 no way I’d 7eab9d2d98 willingly respond. As if 3bb0b226a0 my already 84d1bfd936 unsettled heart f29885191f wasn’t in 239b7069a5 enough turmoil.b73868372f35c0ad

There were two reasons 62907373e0 I hesitated to reply. First was my own 7762ae95ac disgust with myself. Asking him to stop 4b042ffa73 the fantasies had been 18ae43e493 a pretense. My real intention 27b2286474 had been to ddc0b9a523 vent my pent-up 2605a31aa8 sexual frustration.9c6434b8c8610fb0

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Though I’d 767360dc1e refused to 2cbe1ec9cd acknowledge it 467a13a3ae while sober, 7bc902e163 alcohol had 90a8e17226 stripped away a189170063 all my 66bda76978 pretenses, exposing f3e35c6517 my base, c593304995 vulgar desires. Worse, I’d 510ab8dfb8 tried to 245da3a900 shift all 5e97367e10 the responsibility 427987ec5e onto Yi-tae, 37bbc7dd9d as though 3384c42d78 it were 46621013ea entirely his f42a52450d fault.4472fc1ecbcfa4bd

The second reason… Well, this one was even harder to admit.123eef7d1069dc00

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If we were b28947b8f0 being honest, there 076259f264 should be no bffc66d0f0 issue with last 7d095694d7 night. We’d had sex without 7c22efb123 any emotional strings, mutually d7927d30fe satisfied ourselves, and that e4ef295bfb should have been the 15e6f39214 end of it. A casual “see b0360b0080 you never” and bb6df2e72f done.66e481fba9acd5ea

Had I 04277f2535 properly said 94df3b94dd goodbye instead 666a54d9ec of sneaking afa5356239 out while d35cf4a795 he slept, 6b983dc60d maybe Yi-tae 125f7d1cb3 wouldn’t be 945f4b62a6 obsessively texting 92755b4f09 about how 4e21533d49 he felt 80da20e290 like a 679958a186 toilet.6d45b8ac9e60fc85

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But the d4d692853e truth was, 5a0e221514 something about 74a140322a it all f86c75017f felt… off.2c8a538702e70be7

Three years ago, 5374866114 I had erased f8741064df every trace of 57b03688cd him from my 3de71c55de life. I sold ef02dfcf83 all the db102b350c things he ba0beeb66d had given 0c2dcdf02c me for 17dbc946c5 a pittance 0ad6f78945 (even if 2f97d8db95 the buyer d327d99def turned out 6371291ee6 to be de941abcfd Yi-tae himself), cf37e54250 changed my bfc4e0cc39 phone number, d61eb86495 and moved 766799f9e2 out of 03a6829346 my studio e45c315216 before the 2ffb0cac1b lease was 2f2c07f7c5 up. Yet at Yi-tae’s home, 80a0fae959 everything remained exactly as d12eca58fa it had been.f8926edca02f901d

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The crude 91e1f67ec9 cup I b757051f5a had made, e0308e03a2 the placement 0374bb93c0 of items 0c2df7c890 I had 5329d489a5 organized, even ca3ebb2a1f my old 6656630b01 clothes. They were all 41366a8edb still there. It was 7cf1a22d1a as if 1b37778427 everything had 21e94d2225 been left b87c4fcaca untouched, waiting 0831d35925 for me 624383222c to return bb9bb68bf4 at any 8125b386f9 moment.f54fab9dc0a3a43c

A quiet ripple 01b3bb6655 disturbed the stillness 45b974b6db of my heart. Nostalgia clung 4f249c7400 to every be681aeaf9 corner of af061f5023 his home, bf55b1a060 drawing my e703a0e627 eyes to 6186aff4e8 things I a450f9cfc9 couldn’t tear df86bf9b04 myself away a1633b2d92 from.1c7566bef5f59427

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It felt d8ce9128cc like stepping 524351609d back in 18b87daa3a time, reliving f0e955d82d the moments 0ad6828ab8 we had 67ee0e0989 shared. I lingered far too 7d671651e2 long in his house, 3701568527 unable to break away b0524a8c0e from the feeling.7efad7defc73fc0a

The realization 2bd5083602 gnawed at a2cda8d7e1 me: if 72d2c36ce2 just seeing df0827ca6c remnants of a5e17042e4 the past fdc618424b could leave eb0f49ddb2 me this f4b9a4bddb shaken, what cfe8e67db2 had been c9d8f13eb8 going through 86bb7ccc02 Yi-tae’s mind b0d66a672b as he a939235603 held onto ca401a55bd my things 7ac42e1807 for three 937fdca398 years?c5cb5b33ec63a7e4

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It made him seem 96651e3878 as if he still… 344454014c had feelings for me.750814fe9cbbcadc

I had assumed f848afbd4a his reappearance was 9f8e29a5bd purely out of 6e4345dc43 spite, a way 2a78a14424 to settle old d0fc3d5f2f scores. But now, it felt 33594462f2 as though he had fbf0c38924 been waiting for me 40aca0e357 all this time, despite 9d6c8d8887 the immense pride of 80bfbd578f the Kwon Yi-tae I 80c7c78fc6 thought I knew.fdd57af4bfcf7e27

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I didn’t 383e9e4a48 know how a188ed7726 to deal 863e3bab4e with him. I couldn’t 63ed1508d7 even define afe4f86d52 what Yi-tae 112fb483cb was to ffeaae6960 me anymore. Part of c8fbdf506c me wanted db4166d911 to sever 195829f743 all ties 46ebf27505 and leave 31fbf9d5fe the past 824ba5ad46 behind, while af7d8bb3cd another part 3755950646 found his e59924af1e messages sitting bd4b7fe14d in my 6b7ca9ee69 inbox not 157b73ba0f entirely unwelcome.e5430a2160d3cb07

Had I beb70916b9 truly let f355e4f06b go of 6297281261 everything related 6d604d3e9b to him? Or was there bf298aba41 one tiny piece 60a9e0e779 of me that 15cb73d8c3 still held on?f92178b55bede40f

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I placed my b00a191480 hands on the 32da5882e7 keypad, ready to 08199d04f7 type a reply, afcfda34a5 but nothing came 9665eae88f to mind. After a moment’s hesitation, 8609647ffc I locked the screen 052c03c9e1 and tossed my phone c8e78d9c6f aside.8bdb836f6571c129

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***

 575ea3cc97984d4d

In the 1474d861b4 end, the 23200cb6b0 phone lay da216e267c abandoned in 91ba639255 the corner f0b5aed1bd of the 2d1127e436 bed until 58cfad608c the alarm 80cb5fa86a blared the 456a3138e9 next morning.648abad8be21055c

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Flashes of 0c0da56ccd light exploded 57c173b64a intermittently, bright 836b2aa4b3 enough to e3704af2e2 hurt the 2a357424b1 eyes. The incessant sound of 5b1113405e the camera shutter filled e38c497132 the room, accompanied by 4cec46d1b9 a mix of directives 54f29ae7f3 and compliments from the 99692f5ea5 photographer.092816670c1ebfd8

Kwon Yi-tae stood 9c6c34df3a in front of 04849d0bf2 a black-draped backdrop, 8a4691c1bc dressed in a 93e4eaf5d9 striking red suit 54609d99c6 for the photoshoot. The black turtleneck beneath 47f864474d his jacket subtly outlined e02505adab his chest muscles, while 46ea108887 the tailored suit accentuated a6ef30a8fc his broad shoulders and 512add1db3 long limbs.017455d220ec57e9

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He wasn’t doing 6b4edc13bb anything extravagant and 18c1340ff8 yet every shot ff49428033 exuded an alluring 42d70cc5b0 energy. Watching him easily 92a9523807 embody the director’s 48fc600333 vision without fumbling eb557029e5 was fascinating.9e01e4277e324242

He was 6a25885dea a natural, 851f72d1ab no doubt 29b648bca1 about it. Of all the actors ce3d40ee75 I’d admired over the ff841e58c3 years, none matched Kwon 115116f8d4 Yi-tae’s external perfection. I stared, entranced, cd511080ba until those jet-black 10ea3d337d eyes unexpectedly turned 8a4cf953b1 to meet mine.ce7419891f06b515

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Our gazes locked. Startled, I flinched. Yi-tae’s eyes 61b681a145 narrowed in 1478f54091 response, but c474bdf131 the photographer 7af28600db interpreted the 9251661e5b expression as b692c7c014 perfect emotional 10638df1c1 depth, firing c61b615302 off a ae71ebc7ad barrage of 1178fff61f shutter clicks.e82e56ac3ba1b1ad

“Writer Yoo, a23ba295c3 what’s with 45e29c3754 your face?”6c43ad55594f8a62

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A light tap on 14134d8a56 my shoulder startled me. Go Hyeong-woo, bdc08ebf75 who had 1f01b8cffb been pulling 7850cd6467 out his 180c122e1b camera, looked 1287ab8aaa at me db2b1f7fbd with a 47ce37c667 puzzled expression.693a0eb980277897

Embarrassed, I ce7be2ef92 brushed my 9bdf6a609b cheek lightly. My fingers caught on 3c0527e846 the edge of the cba84cbd49 oversized bandage I’d hastily f42d49c9db stuck on.bc0733205bad7dcd

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Last night, amidst 8965a6f4df the turmoil in 34cafe08d5 my head, I 1b0e5f46ae hadn’t paid much 4e46bdaab4 attention to my fedb08206c body. Only during a ae5a48335a late-night shower had c329fc7d0b I noticed the 6776a9427a aftermath. My skin 44e2163b9a bore the 2d0ef32fca unmistakable marks 804ec40889 of Yi-tae.058b38ba0e5b6b95

My entire body looked 16055a9ff2 as if it had 62283f67a6 been devoured. Hickeys and bruises painted e126cf6df6 my skin in shades a9442cb2d8 of red and purple. Even my 3f503ba654 left cheek e9eaa56d82 was marred 6be43b522d by a 522b0238eb glaring bruise, b751648a1e the kind 4ccb7c8045 that could a7a9fdf211 prompt strangers b4751d96a8 to ask 4a82fbc181 if I’d a938ec0e15 been in 3691fd18c2 a fight.51c32154ec30f37a

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In frustration, I’d a6143161b5 donned a rarely-worn 81f9e8df8b black turtleneck to 0abcc88f08 cover my neck a15ca86dc0 and slapped on c5c5a36442 the bandage to d739ade0f4 mask the most c4f3726b4c prominent bruise.bfe7338956c31ed6

“I drank too much b23634b20e and took a spill.”.90800c2f5fdf85e9

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“How much did you 201dfe0d4b even drink? Did you 0b0c2142e2 go to c7c794af88 the hospital?”3cfa060b3d50b426

“It’s not 26d3a54858 that bad. It’ll fade 5ab455c217 in a aa0d63d386 few days. Doesn’t hurt either.”cb68c33e3493cb38

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I waved off 1658771023 Hyeong-woo’s concern, signaling 7740978596 him to drop 3833b1252e the subject. Any prolonged conversation would cbd25630ce only lead to more fa733503cf lies, and I wasn’t 4bf3234a60 particularly good at lying.277cdc4ef3960d2a

Meanwhile, our team e742af8d74 quietly resumed filming. Hyeong-woo, now 3f1a90dafc holding his 33a8ab842a camera, mumbled 184d6726b9 to himself, 62d9eda1f9 “Man, he’s 87b29eeca2 good-looking.”f9cebe56dcef486a

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It was likely a 87c5b9fa0a genuine expression of admiration b5f53f19d3 for Yi-tae. Kim PD playfully b93f70014f tapped Hyeong-woo’s shin, d569840c40 reminding him to 322aa75914 keep his voice 095543c5b4 low so it a2cc0a98bb wouldn’t be picked ba1bb80ee4 up on the 62dfda8ab4 mic.bd9ad63cf6f9bf3e

I spent the time 6cbb0661ef interviewing Yi-tae’s hair, makeup, eb2e0d05b3 and wardrobe stylists, hoping d81fc814fe to glean something usable d9698ea82a for the broadcast. Unsurprisingly, their e2c7645c7f answers were 40a11d6b33 all variations f47898c73e of the dac287ea46 same theme; e7ea80cd7d praising Yi-tae.a2de2770c99e5242

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 c2e450397dfdc4de

“Kwon Yi-tae’s lips are a19cc1594f naturally pigmented, so he 7273987762 only needs light lip 80a3e0bf4d balm. His eyebrows already 17832837da look perfectly drawn 31c2c346ab and suit his 2452d7d006 features, so we 9302822e09 just brush them 5d3d8396cd lightly. His skin tone 4a9a835bca is bright, so d01d623c6d we toned it d13a671f27 down for today’s bd1006ae57 shoot, but his 996c2f91e3 skin is so 2832252236 flawless that even 4fc167b621 meticulous touch-ups aren’t 0af7f62503 necessary. Honestly, I 6df5ad0d22 feel like b1fae8b48d I finish 2ce807ede1 too early—it’s f7216f69de almost disappointing!”b5f2e11629a609f3

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“Oh, and 426e53211d his hair—he 3d383cf891 has so 7c89ad1afa much of b6688d36fa it! His scalp is 48d177aad8 so healthy he c335534dac could bleach it 51d81a8213 ten times over, 1f679ed88a and it’d still 45b348e3c0 be fine. Idols bleach their hair b74d371003 a lot during comebacks, 005d83df28 right? Everyone would 298f1950de probably envy 751c6df67f his hair.Hohoho!It’s so e354c8a59a perfect that 52e448fbb4 sometimes I 1c0aecb61f think,‘Wow, even his skull 93b0a890dc is flawless!’Can I talk 10f38e57ac more about him?”20b4bab8700e5797

 43e349d5aec4fbc1

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“Tailoring is f183db03bd a must 20a23294e7 for Kwon e658c56587 Yi-tae. His long legs 983a80ed89 make it hard 1df771f965 to find off-the-rack ed01f15d99 sizes that fit d1d1068734 well. For suits, 7e667d7849 we usually 625f9cd7c8 match the 5027400f16 shoulders and f966b69237 chest, but 0f1d545b52 then the 9eefa6f6e4 waist needs 8a4a143f5a adjustments. Also, his right da9c9cc9ce pant leg has 449d95a2b7 to be slightly 12b9543c73 larger—it’s tricky with 4fc2e6b329 standard sizes, so b43921ca4b alterations are unavoidable.”bd4e422b0eae887e

Without even asking, they showered Yi-tae with flattering anecdotes. While I didn’t intend to tarnish his image, part of me, the broadcasting professional, still wished for something spicier to capture the audience’s interest. Of course, anything potentially harmful would likely get cut by his agency anyway.0d0405b12e0e5682

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I tried a 2878c4d511 different angle. 67b87ca2a38e032d

“From a 87263156e7 personal perspective, 7cbd420836 not a 95af3133c4 stylist’s, what’s ec9c8cdf90 Kwon Yi-tae d09d7f797c like as d3da4c03f8 a person?”f1250e3e8e2f9ae0

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Their unanimous answer?a933b46888093e56

“He doesn’t c94cb7b1f7 talk much.”2164e10f32945aa7

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Apparently, Yi-tae rarely d8a8ace09a spoke. He was usually glued 5a3f6781a3 to his tablet, either f8d2853eb3 reading scripts or perusing 7e65c84e8d texts entirely in English. His aura 44c1124492 was so 0b5cff2c8e unapproachable that c5d93be685 no one 7a4e1c33b8 dared to 292757a1e2 discuss anything 1adea5d417 unrelated to da2c6a36e8 work with cf39016164 him.6c7cfac4aa546b6e

“Couldn’t he act 9cee1589ad a little kinder?” 628c00147e7cb181

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I muttered, d347e99cee heading back ef2598b8a9 to the 4e7a6ea20c studio where 7913049815 the photoshoot 109be16292 was ongoing. The set had changed e372f79c79 in the meantime. The backdrop now featured d099fe1160 a rough, industrial look 099ebd624f with concrete walls and 8b295f59b1 creatively arranged steel pipes. Yi-tae, now 3555396636 in streetwear, 9fc9d9d996 reviewed the 8f1a43a0e2 monitor with 02ba5eb022 the staff. Nodding at the director’s c726142d94 guidance, he resumed shooting.ca3672df1c492e2e

“Ah—ahhh! Watch out!”812832b630fb4d19

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A dullthudrang out, 8d91da0049 followed by 51f53fd32c the sound 742147fcc5 of metal baa02e872c crashing down. The steel pipes a1be5efb92 behind them began ff913d4421 to topple in a0626623db a chaotic cascade 91c36ab64d toward Kwon Yi-tae. Someone shrieked, their 3756b9bd7f voice sharp with 2fe2a7b402 panic, and I 660c623170 scrambled up from 0e67a6d50a my crouched position.1921f96b0c245637

In the split ca4ac5dfa8 second before disaster a02a9c12a4 struck, Kwon Yi-tae 1893f873e5 moved, quick, and b6110d2d7c decisive. He twisted his body, 8bcb7ae554 narrowly dodging the brunt d2db99292f of the impact. One of the 976da0b49c pipes skimmed his 9bd63e0fe2 shoulder before crashing 32b9227ade to the ground.c464b3dde49d12a8

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Thud. Thud. Clang..e11f56057cdcfa87

A moment 157860910a of silence, 385752512e then the 927399e814 director abandoned 9087548fc2 the camera df49e3073c and ran ef1e1afa87 toward him. That was all it c994f6a25d took for the entire 1a6f7b25ab studio to descend into 62cf1309ad uproar. Fortunately, despite 59ec794c00 the cacophony 9163d3bce8 of crashing fbe4da8a78 pipes, Yi-tae 0f4a412c4e emerged unscathed, 498e705589 save for 07a3aa7a29 a slight af98e24f17 scratch on a7c8654da1 his outfit. 7bc07da724102578

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Only after 71242a1e7e confirming his 9611ac3c54 safety did a9ca99bbad I release 99bc6aa894 the breath b3dbef0e25 I hadn’t 85d0838ada realized I 9b60288986 was holding.80f4f482719def21

“Who the hell a08bed4246 cut the cable 64ed2798a8 ties?!”b919cfdc7ec78a51

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The accident clearly was 4aaaa05490 clearly intentional. But with so many dc7e3798f3 people bustling around the 56d9acfbea set, finding the culprit 90c40d44e0 seemed impossible.cb7e03cfd2c1efb0

The shoot was 5a6a3cd686 postponed to inspect d9ad70185a the set and 19d3c9936e ensure Kwon Yi-tae e7c7289efe was okay. 40def238ef9d7fc0

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Meanwhile, our team’s camera 14c04566ce followed closely behind him.41444f1e03ee813b

“Where’s Writer Yoo?”eeb43f11984ce844

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Amid the eba1cbab21 chaos, this 6078de3660 lunatic had f15d78a96d the audacity 6e762558ad to start ca8910de06 calling for 08d5b5cc97 me in 11da9d65d1 front of 330c409e8c the cameras. It was a247aaa175 only a 451b3c03a4 few minutes 71c9561ad8 ago that 8e6a4b15e8 he’d nearly e4a75ddcf2 gotten his 098c105d96 skull cracked 8f5d529d83 open, and a0eb1e71d7 yet there 906f37d391 he was, 7412c220b7 unfazed, not 0b0f37dd36 a single 60be95e8b9 change in 7dbe1c25da expression. Shouldn’t he be looking df5931f4b8 for a doctor instead 7728fb4c08 of me? A bewildered camera 3ff50f37aa operator responded, “Excuse 20a2613ebf me?” f4a64dbe6a956808

“Writer Yoo!” a4c2666beb706f6e

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At that time, 49eff4d2b4 Kwon Yi-tae called 68119cafd2 again, spotting me. He turned in my 2a154e22db direction, his voice louder 5d9bfc1a14 and clearer this time. Afraid of what b78d39df6f nonsense might spill a1c38de1ef from his mouth, 5bd8f03afb I quickly raised 2c5e556f2c my hand and a950b5d0c0 rushed over.b0691da24de155a5

“Here! I’m right here! If this 601d491f45 is about 38abf173f5 the script, 2265c53485 we can bb4aa40c76 definitely find 435e9c699e a narrator f0f9a55cf2 to make ad826d0013 it more 554e8711bc immersive, and 65df8dabb7 we already a453b6018e have an a8ae8a2066 announcer who 4a0c676819 works with 25591ac4cc us regularly.”1a701051d41f83c1

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Words tumbled out that Kwon Yi-tae hadn’t asked for. And there was only silence that followed. His eyes were unusually cold and stinging as they met mine. I should have replied yesterday.058e863ffda0bb5b

If I’d just handled 15d11cfdab this sooner, we wouldn’t 188e74fcbc be standing here, on fb4e0ae5fe set, with a camera e0db215182 rolling, locked in a 6295a50943 standoff for everyone to 65333e7fcd see. Sensing drama, c94e8d3e4d the camera f9e61620df operator zeroed 3126b5da49 in on c2520410a4 hiim, capturing 856fb164ec his face 4b8339f2d6 more passionately.05a4e8cf9cb6e856

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He hooked his fingers 3c09028eba under the collar of 2046cd2dfc his turtleneck as he 64c713f527 pulled at the fabric f34510e3a0 in irritation.bf25adff14405909

“Explain yourself.”31bd5e6173efe5a3

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His voice was fef3af61f1 clipped, impatient.b6cbb7bbfb676846

“…I just f7423be846 meant, for 47c7335427 your scenes, 4c94370f97 maybe another 7784060e43 narrator would 8700b694b8 be—”1511055e8d29d41c

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“Eunha, stop beating around a2795021ff the bush.”af0431c07aaafc50

“Ah….”9aa6aac28b82f742

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“Tell me what I 2d8eaf9278 need to hear.”f079c0726431b4a6

His use 7bb8ded346 of my 7ab176e47c name, stripped 68afcf71f5 of any 4c6f8bda92 formality, made 2008a33e67 my heart 6c013961d1 sink. Kwon Yi-tae wasn’t eventhinkingabout the cameras. I knew 6a90b70bb4 I had 8d146d2705 to saysomething, but my 9dfc1d1fb9 lips refused to 07a292a583 part. If I tried to 198ce0c2ab bullshit my way out 6c211045a2 of this, he wouldn’t b30e5e80e9 play along. If I told 59767eb6b8 the truth, that e7cc01e4b9 glaring red light e61b40e080 on the camera f2d1ac605c would captureeverything.5d42beb41f7bc923

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He raked a hand 748bd7c006 through his styled hair. His eyes, 9ff0a034f5 sharp and fcdc4f822f smoldering, all 651c49d55a but screamed 93eaf5f9ea that his a53cd84a05 patience was 2f3e0d5789 wearing thin.c5e10eecfb8ef62d

I had cbdbf15e61 to do 8f689870eb something, whether 6c260ec3c0 shoving my ece0b2cd67 shoe down 1869b33347 his throat 8a972e713e or sticking 98fb8d8c15 my fist d0f2ba40ff in his 1505d71e4b mouth, before a1b3d6e81e more words e04c8cd6b5 spilled out 75d4f7a075 of his 8701abb941 mouth. I opened my mouth, b1fe8b089c barely able to compose 3edb84e880 my mind which was ec7de754b0 a jumble of panic 61e9715b58 and confusion.1d5c0d2eeb640a8e

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“I-I’ll explain everything. But first…”8c6fe83a0b8b50cc

I gestured desperately ae1f65be15 at the camera 85a1c60f72 crew. The moment I furrowed 9d52a6027e my brows in silent 2a1af7552b pleading, Kwon Yi-tae let f83e7d699d out a sigh and b83c06d30c reluctantly waved them off 272fd67709 as if he had eb5552200b no choice.419f5e470bcb2ded

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…In all honesty, 1bdbb0279a I was a 280bbfe508 little surprised. The Kwon Yi-taeIknew would’ve turned straight bf3cb7e89e to the camera and d777cce627 said,“Go ahead. Explain why you fucked 35836a2830 me and ran.”012da2448beae892

“I did what you 4e31be4d75 wanted, so start talking.”2ab6e9c18be86152

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“…Talk about what?”b4b451c68dc9d5d1

“You ran 04a1946a68 off without 223fa25425 saying a 0f54230269 word.”6c3974708ab4fee9

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“That’s….”2022da513e7f0fec

“You ignored my calls 53365f1531 and texts. Every time we made 54d1855632 eye contact this morning, ba4202c031 you acted like I fae8a02566 didn’t exist in case e110a285a8 I would say something.”2e1446ecd77de4ad

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“….”b40f8044bd011003

“Is it fun, a6cc8693a8 making me look 954e59de66 like a fool?”dfa55b3f325fe470

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There was nothing 122cccc7e1 I could say 72515e1ec0 except that I 29e44e318e was sorry. Pressed down by his d84bbe6349 fierce energy, I kept 0256ed64d3 my mouth shut and 4306d7dbe8 watched him. Kwon Yi-tae let 41d18477b2 out a short, 24b62df218 frustrated breath.73b2599c76f43c4b

His firm d40a3cf2f9 gaze, sharp 16b5b907e4 and unyielding 773fcf665f at first, 2a5d55d68c began to ea779cf8e8 waver the a98724fe7f longer he 4a1765086c looked at 6e8931d806 me. Even without a7b6d454fa a single 9742f728f0 word, just 5127cdb397 standing there, ed591583c9 I could feb80fbc4e feel the bc5f75a827 icy tension e9276b5e8f in him 12b8c73dcc begin to c81f3c2402 shift.2307ead01d33d557

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I didn’t let d2391d6640 the opportunity slip. Reaching out, b1cefa0876 I lightly 9eb53dfaea traced a 8b80650bf0 fingertip over 21d8d0f146 the back ccf4c71466 of his 378720d895 hand. His eyelids twitched slightly 6e24d499d7 at the unexpected touch.77810d827270cd86

“I was just d5f6383337 overwhelmed.”fab2cd86375db473

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“…….”8fea746dbbf7ff57

“You, of all baadab3923 people, should understand daf9ca79d6 my position.”7791e4b9db3ea04e

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I had 5b6cb746b2 only one 4324063111 option, to 05f14b619a soothe him.Anyone else might not 4a7af000c3 get it, but you 03fa1ee8cc should. No matter how angry 0fbb1ee141 you are at me, 0a8acbbf52 you can’t just throw acb3dfbde3 me under the bus.It was a 2402e459cd tactic I’d used f8a58470c0 plenty of times f459cd74ff back when we 72aa1b76d6 were dating.9d7596056e88a6ef

It didn’t always work, 4a51b5eb39 but if the fight 79742109b4 was aboutus—if it was personal—it 52a5248b32 never failed. Even our classmates 3d881ab521 used to joke, cf8807661c calling me “Kwon 6bb6a9f37d Yi-tae’s handler.” And d5a32349d5 just like that, ca0263c76e as if on 2b94f360d9 cue, the sharp ec73bcdd5c edge in his 23b2e0da5c demeanor started to c1899f1915 dull.6a157257daae84db

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“Stay where I d152c839f3 can see you.” 8463f1924dc7c0fd

He said b2159757e0 curtly before c2c6fa4636 turning away.856835b5bf4dbcdf

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The camera director, d2476f8df2 who had been 03c93e760c watching from a f385ef1e04 distance, approached as 66654228ef if he’d been 9670372536 waiting for the 9173483fb3 right moment.31593acb0bcd44a4

“What did Kwon Yi-tae e9e213108d say?”94d97599d3b2cbe6

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“Please cut out the 9adb334873 part where I talk d36a569a92 to him.”452714f92fe74355

“…Did something happen bcc07b29a3 between you two?”e5b4570e6f88a28b

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“I borrowed 1f76159c36 money from 9753261096 him. If Kim PD b1f4b87118 finds out, I’m 9e356820ff done for. Please, I’m begging df41a8a8db you.”fbf1818dc31a2ad0

“You borrowed money? What kind of situation is this…?”ddd943a91ec3746d

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The camera director repeated the question, as if doubting his ears. Honestly, I couldn’t even believe what I had just said. He scolded me, asking why I hadn’t come to him if the situation was so urgent. Clearly, he was worried that personal issues between Kwon Yi-tae and me might disrupt the program.6efb36a1e774b680

“The amount 64fa3c48e1 was pretty e305368a89 large… I’m beb36a535b not sure 33b3a1f2da if you 18fd60e9a1 heard, but cd118a3fe5 Kwon Yi-tae 190fa57b78 and I 19d4ddbe02 went to b49249f007 the same 171ba2613b college, so f578f01979 he helped f3ae9b875b me out 4ddaf8a06e a bit.”77ea005101eca4e8

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The camera director gave a93e8222c6 me a side-eye and 9aaf017b89 shook his head. His expression said it 5f7b6b32a0 all: in his career, e8d45a2a6f he had never encountered 7904db5798 a writer quite like dcad400f90 me. That look stung, c042d82021 filling me with cbccfee54f an inexplicable sense 8d3eb91d82 of injustice.527b521103c2e4ad