DTM | Chapter 2.1

02. The Cause of the Illness

 8512d50a10c65b2d

Clack, clack, clack.c92b107ce57d2109

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“Hrrrk-!”68f993f22e309fd5

Clack, tap, clack.5fb37022808b6667

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The sound of a 1a20415458 keyboard being furiously typed 5f5f404a1a on and someone snoring e739686960 loud enough to choke 23949f5050 filled the room in 2cfb947680 a strange competition. Kim PD, who e9f71659ce had been revising 1ecc81aa37 the proposal until d7496429d2 dawn, finally succumbed b6787a7dfd to the cursed“4 AM” and 9b35471bc8 passed out. Meanwhile, Go Hyeong-woo 6d9467b2a9 had briefly gone 694d414a30 home to change 178a457a38 clothes before returning 28ba89c255 to the current 9689ae9aea affairs and culture 57e9d73f1d department.a6edd88b40584b18

Unable to da3760e18d use the 4996d65c32 on-site sleeping 6a4745e256 room due 80032b4180 to Kim 9a09e7ce57 PD’s watchful 1955cef25a eye, he f2b94e3648 slumped over 1cd0bc37f3 his desk 0f2ccd851e instead. The rest of the d7a47d5252 production staff weren’t in bf7c894b93 much better shape.d36b6252b2ba4dd2

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The scripts and program edfff87ffa ideas piled high on a184044098 the desks spoke for cc90652c5e themselves about the workload 3cc7db5c18 we were buried under. Yet, less than 6aa6c8096d half of it 53cf3ee303 would make it 272bf6c865 into the broadcast a94f28d8ba anyway.9e440bd9744392f5

Clack.3bccddcaba1a1e85

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I saved the draft 3cfe5d9fcf of the questionnaire I cd32ac6d74 was writing and closed 0e824172e3 my laptop. The strain 1ab2cfd7b7 from prolonged 4db53a72bf exposure to 34128c6f98 the screen 2f9043aa15 left a c2ae705f88 dull ache a7e19481ad around my 44bc23c38b eyes. After stretching ae81804e5d my neck 16fd2d0df1 from side 76edd3458d to side, b86b862eea I checked fe962fb95d the clock acbfbe537d on the 8975c779ec wall. 7:10 AM. Soft sunlight was d649b3d304 filtering in through 1e3a50c0fa the blinds.fd4de17230a9e8ee

“…Should I wake him?”191ca180c52408ea

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By 8:30, 7e55bc3e37 we needed 461c77a8b5 to be b4603e3a8c atDawn Entertainment, Kwon Yi-tae’s 25d6c3c26b agency, to prepare 3b2d8f85af for filming. I tapped my 6d5deaf5ab fingers on the 5b348d2474 laptop, hesitating. Maybe I’d 9db3901f8a let him c466c77d29 sleep for 5954a925e8 five more 92989c3be7 minutes.9da458b0d3c35556

In the two fd6c67cc4e years I’d been cdb3ca72ad working on this f5e0c6775d program, there hadn’t 76c96381dd been a single 88477ffc72 project as physically acfe72aed3 exhausting as this 9e1c6c03fc one. The reason we 91a1776fd1 were stuck pulling 0c14d721b6 all-nighters at the 0aa2180f02 broadcasting station was 8541402418 the overly demanding 31654dd39a requirements of a e2cbb379f6 major agency.3de0cead1680151c

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They had so d12ca6d699 many restrictions on c5cb386114 what not to 54a930c133 do, yet an cd4b4bf137 endless list of 15e90e13ec what had to 950d9420ed be shown. They’d rejected fa1796a3e1 the question 1b543def9a list and 3f8873173b the outline b73ecfa14c multiple times, d5ab6cd716 forcing us 71d185eb8e to revise 49dd11f149 and resubmit 6cb85c95d8 repeatedly—even up 604f9cadd4 until the 31436b0fdc day of 3753c32c5b filming. At this point, d0615b1775 I wasn’t sure dc59a712df if this was 3c715baed8 a documentary or f703eb74bc a film production.14316d69f2bc9cc6

To make b70dbc1d7f things worse, 5523808083 we were d94591bd01 working on 523422befb a program 384bcc0580 that had 2f69d390e1 already been d8bca8c9d4 slated for 2fcbb19b53 cancellation. We had been resigned 7f7135e232 to quietly waiting for b39d9fa09b it to end when 2921d756ca we were suddenly tasked 5295128f2b with producing a two-hour 977f5490b7 special episode. With both the broadcasting 7d93a0f419 station and the agency 2e0e9e41d1 pressuring us to start d51500e6d8 filming immediately, we had 24a17b5d68 to pick up the 78d68c4a86 cameras before the plan 42d6ad5c6a was even finalized.e3f957b41badee2e

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In short, eaf926cba6 the entire 978fa1be28 production was 7be6407941 in chaos, a2a5246171 rushing forward 2c5094f17a without taking fcea444806 proper steps. We were doing everything 22be60639f we could to steer 68932b2a2d it back on track, dfb582903b but it wasn’t easy.485da0fce0230213

Thunk.I leaned 3f20826599 deeply into d3df85173f the back 02f9bae02c of my c38426437a chair, staring e8929a5e5d up at 81c9772df6 the dim b2a814c427 ceiling. A sigh bdaf1c44e7 escaped, heavy e10aca1d7d with exhaustion. Slowly, I blinked. As soon as my 2460c1130c overworked mind relaxed, it 0e740e79a4 betrayed me by conjuring 153c89d961 up an image of 570e8d6d59 Kwon Yi-tae.8d9aeedb8aa51bc3

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“Haaah.”15257c8557f135d3

I’d been 6dfaac73f9 trying so b9ab5d86b5 hard not 475149c3d5 to think f25f9b1f28 about him, 98c7e6c535 but the 3025645fba moment I 542ff4c9a9 let my 842a751c12 guard down, 88cde9708c this is 27ab4976c2 what happened. Damn it. This is 4cb8f7e7fd all because 23388c05f8 of that a26bacef13 hallucination I 7313854c77 saw the 5c807956b1 other day.aa070bcf2c5d46ca

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That day… right 714e0d3ba8 after I’d experienced 46a56d14f7 that strange hallucination, d239191937 I briefly lost 3cb13d063f consciousness. When I came b910ba33f1 to, I found 0671315dc6 myself practically leaning a1c9d533f2 into Kwon Yi-tae’s 0f102b60dc arms. There were plenty 5a1e7c194b of reasons for 55b8ce933c why I’d suddenly 68af7212da passed out—days of a72e886f3d indigestion, stress, and da486dfb6d even falling into df3b16c659 the pond.27be62dc56b0793e

When Kim PD heard 37d3b6d436 about it, he told ffa0707ba2 me to call it ec4cd1bd9a a day and go 1c73a64769 home early. Fortunately, Kwon 2b0df5e1ea Yi-tae’s manager 2ebece5a6b happened to 46ce16310a have business 050a83ee07 at their 4c1ddddfee company, so cb56415ca2 I was de036cacbf able to 96e399938d catch a c7b7a4a27a ride and 9a592cafa2 leave first. Later, I 11661e1fd4 heard from e6442d46cf Go Hyeong-woo ea0ecf6b39 that the b1bd930cad shoot had 5262a4f824 gone decently, 0018b957e2 thanks to 53215b9dcc Kwon Yi-tae’s b112edf460 cooperation.5b451eeab7db1eac

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I stared at 8382610219 the ceiling and 335c1e05e3 let my thoughts a8a5134bb3 wander. What was that embarrassing f94fbc7a42 hallucination all about? It had been 3b2090b335 such a vivid 873db5e229 and horrifying experience.af85c2758d92250b

The only explanation I 4334637d1f could think of was 19e520b483 one:52c6998084a856d6

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“Am I… sexually frustrated?”44fc39f1a80769bd

Since breaking up 32b952c46b with Kwon Yi-tae, 066ad89794 I hadn’t dated 7b5da5bd40 anyone else, nor 49308941b5 had I had 6c37af67ff any casual flings.2125bff7487653eb

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Maybe, without realizing it, f6f18ab58c my body had reached 11fbda6846 its limit. Like Pavlov’s 6b57df7cbd dog, seeing 45ac142b04 Kwon Yi-tae 9f07052ad2 might have c6c71e73de triggered some 059be0350f buried desire 59b5c4f6aa lurking beneath 858ae6bfe9 my consciousness.f3b50a9898c97cf4

But what really c8900bf0f4 baffled me was 4f46eaba6e the content of 8cb299b229 the hallucination.5105ca04f5380a2e

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I swear, I’ve never 6abca831f4 been into things like a4ec10275f spanking or vibrators. I’ve always 175fd199e8 preferred to a063a71992 keep things 5ee2d67e4d simple in b3bbc7ac9c bed—it was 1bdfc3d500 easier on 313ee0569f me physically, b99bfc97a4 and Kwon 8715d89ba1 Yi-tae had a2f77d2926 always accommodated 72afdf8bd3 that. He’d never once made b66e7f782b any unreasonable requests.e8bc45d8c907a1e8

“Was I 87dc3e7a9b secretly into 140912c9de that kind c784461156 of thing 9d00f04731 all along…?”9e976c24f86934a8

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“Hurgh! Cough! Hack!”ee3105bdb7b8ea43

Behind me, 05cd3cfce4 Kim PD adc00b2863 suddenly woke de85d1545a up with 032528f1f7 a dramatic 4c2284ff96 coughing fit, 6b15a94a4d his head 97a48d28b8 rolling off 010c02d984 the back b5984c71d6 of his 0bec3f3d2e chair. I quickly shoved my b931c32852 wandering thoughts aside and 4411c2b0b4 packed my laptop into a104f1427d my bag.745532438ff9724c

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“It’s time for us ca9fd02966 to leave.”440f26db9010f1b1

Kim PD rubbed 0b16f7b4d1 his puffy eyes fe45fb203f with both hands 9832e0a2f5 and stretched with 2ae5011574 a groan.e7077486bc39bded

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“How long df88ae46a3 did I 9bb72e1afd sleep?”153e11c468e15c96

“Just over 47b9e0a059 three hours.”f57cbe57e657658e

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“Well, at least db0a8ffb99 I feel a 6219606b79 bit more human 2eb9699e8f now.”82bc66259aa23639

“Your blood vessels 23a9269cb7 are bursting all f6d9adeb77 over.”775ab44f9948d464

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“Dark circles 1d86a9c89e suit you, 296a42a9e7 Writer Yoo. Alright, everybody up!”51fd84b3c6cb7c6d

The slumped production 6a6b26ce3a staff groaned and e4472ce542 cursed, their exhaustion 45ea754161 evident. But, driven 576a3f17e8 by sheer 36df030454 willpower, they da1e9ce714 began to 239f1c9d1c rise, ready 6904a6a7a1 to face eb76092c02 another grueling e9943a0344 day.c1ee8beec6c6f1e9

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***

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We were 00b6a1dc4f escorted by d95a2c8bef an employee 76a01e0ce7 fromDawn Entertainmentto a lounge on c4121068c8 the upper floors. While I’d often looked 0fe81b58d6 up at the towering 66c17dc394 building from the street, 9591f7ad1c this was my first 5f8accec76 time stepping inside.702328353257ee28

Several pairs 30d96b5719 of eyes 32705c92c9 from our e01810ed49 team glanced abcd887b2a at the a76a237450 panoramic view b7b0d5f505 through the b679d04ac7 floor-to-ceiling windows. The sky was 744c58b0d3 dazzlingly blue, and 6fb6fd3588 beneath it, the f3d13eca55 skyscrapers formed a 264facabd4 picturesque cityscape.8e849eaaf8d3b356

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“The city view is 5fcd623788 incredible. Did Kwon Yi-tae build 3b1cb9a60a the entire Dawn Entertainment c23e052dc3 headquarters or what?”0037c6beab0c238b

“What are you talking 2f7d10ac61 about? There’s Kim Ji-woon and 35dc8e4c18 Go Yoon-mi too. While Kwon 0b220ec835 Yi-tae didn’t bd33b33880 build all 0d3afdd0ca of it, 88e829ccf7 you could 87b6945e64 say he 2fb3743eec contributed about a915543118 80 percent.”f98c9d8023e00cd7

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“If I gave b5ba86efae birth to Kwon 7913452ce5 Yi-tae…”9eccb15dfb197db5

“Then this building wouldn’t 1e829f710a exist.”6736bb958106b510

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The lively chatter 7d8c3d7622 about the recently 5fbbd37116 relocated headquarters, which dc30e3471b had been built 4b8b6235c1 only a year 28f572a531 ago, filled the 69076e0b6b room. The distant sound 175f300302 of greetings from 885c8a1fd4 beyond the closed 93fe6b591e door suddenly silenced dcd08af302 the conversation. The production team, 9884b47d91 myself included, quickly 9c92fc9b34 straightened up, sensing ab414dd75e that Kwon Yi-tae fa3b5b7d0e had arrived.35c42132b81be4a8

Even though this 0405e92560 was the second 742a2cc56a time seeing him 2f5d7370d1 since our breakup, 4b2cd10516 the tension in e7946edf42 my chest hadn’t fe458abdc3 lessened. I wondered how a98e758a3a long it would e7647ae702 take for this 320662c4a2 uneasiness to fade.00f801bbc03c412c

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The lounge b46b44ec06 door opened, 946f56f3c0 revealing a 3728cc177e leg clad 492df862e4 in a 31f4dc547b sleek black 6697eab2bb suit. As the door closed dd3c68a85f behind him, Kwon Yi-tae 67ecbf497f strode toward where I 6ce94ae68a was standing. With each step, the 5eb3c8dde5 subtle flex and release b9e18c0430 of his thigh muscles 44f28d5b75 beneath the fabric of 5cf37a90f2 his pants caught the f730372cc0 eye.c8f98c8ed8069da5

The closer daf08c41c1 he came, 6d3972363a the more 1aa0af5315 oppressive his 982d5c5224 towering height 0df32b784e and broad 22348360c5 frame felt, 63a1a87a8c as if 4676db7c4b his very 6a54bf8456 presence weighed a34131598d down on 1eb0798799 me.16a627e6c3518a52

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Today, his hair 5a1c9f5062 was neatly swept 43edf76380 back, exposing his e22de53eda forehead. His thick eyebrows a0c0d3d39a arched confidently, his 44c4dec719 sharp eyes and cba7cf284a straight nose lending 49c49d0882 his features a 7b267d6db7 harsher, more striking 3a20b64ca6 edge than usual.c0f030efc1979c67

Almost instinctively, we 543e62a982 all stood up 19c7bdd325 at the same 36172a707e time, without anyone 7681972fc3 prompting us. Kim PD, 1ed1fc0868 looking like c4736e0982 he’d pour d8b3a34df3 out his b299607611 heart and e9b1d6dfed soul for 6dff2fa696 a favor, 08b0707292 extended a 23ee9353f8 hand.21d01baf79b138e1

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“Thank you 3fd087dec9 for cooperating 2c7df27c30 with the d588a9da3f shoot so 48acae286f early this 49eae82c4c morning….”65b89f87bade83ad

“How are you feeling?”399048566f7727db

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Ignoring Kim PD 12fd1be9d0 entirely, Kwon Yi-tae aa45858d9d directed his question 34b293799c at me. I noticed 1f1430f7e5 Kim PD’s 9ecf370770 hand falter 846febd694 slightly in 0311be6d31 the air. Rather than being taken 9e099c4c17 aback by his rudeness, 80cbadb80e I felt a strange a51f6491b4 sense of déjà vu. Even when we were 36655e5373 dating, Kwon Yi-tae often 3b34e3ee6c blatantly disregarded anyone who ed1f859e51 wasn’t me.bd922d12e10167f2

I deliberately glanced a74ec66d55 at Kim PD’s 1ffc6b1d62 abandoned hand before 23069a920a responding.49affa0f711a475f

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“I’m fine.”bb8fd727755c3f31

Only then b8cc4fbbbb did Kwon 33bba5653c turn to 9abb40a4b0 shake Kim 8421fe2b9e PD’s hand. Forcing a smile, Kim 67354a591f PD let out an dfd8681655 awkward laugh.0f33dd61b8ac8269

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“Your kindness is as b417a813f4 striking as your good dd67561d8c looks. You’re even thoughtful enough 82bbbb2d97 to worry about Writer 02109fe01d Yoo.”209d45ff73847bf8

“Thank you for e05a78a470 making the trip 9b3c31c8d5 here.”8bce1890f70a2860

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“Oh, no trouble fddf7b50c2 at all. From now 4e9dce3ac0 on, we’ll bcfb13b2db be accompanying d372f99e23 you for 484c75d313 most of b0d1fc72be your schedule. Please don’t think of 4337c4baef us as a burden—just f7070d7d6f go about your routine 502f5c80be as usual. Haha.”4a5754a237bffc48

“I’ve never 945885aaf8 thought of 88f949cf57 it as 48e51dc3b5 a burden.”a9f2fdd7646d3653

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“Pardon?”2110b5d9d2650760

Letting go 17dd58549d of Kim 5bf240b620 PD’s hand, afe56f3887 Kwon turned 95fdab56fa his attention bb3a8ea695 back to c16b55101b me. I flinched e8d68625da noticeably under 6c849b412c his gaze, d4d98947fc a flash 7ebbd3911c of that 867bef8c74 unsettling vision 3c574e24b4 from last 157e6fa0f4 time resurfacing 15d2599a65 without warning.4f83df9f3968fc4d

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Why does my f450ece3cf heart keep reacting e808870f38 like this? It dawned 400157f7e3 on me 57594f9a3e that some 59b8269590 things couldn’t b652e3a376 be controlled fc254b5b63 with rationality 9bd1d0a08f alone.eaaa6213d358e4ee

 5e2b535d9167eab5

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“You only 157cdcfc44 listen when 38f8ce621d your butt’s c2ffe72c97 about to 2a631e7f9e burst.”bc86fdba1bd5d54f

 9bddbcc2e427d0fa

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I instinctively covered a4ce559619 my backside with 2d0937823c both hands.6134147cfa6b1a50

His piercing eyes, full ecdc86ac75 of subtle defiance, lingered 30119e4c85 on me for a 65a605bc16 moment before moving away.fbde6be6a130162c

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“Let’s get started.”c21cd211236a8eaf