DS Chapter 21

Under the bright full f944caabbd moon.e1ad127469356608

Late into ca94717d69 the night, 096d830843 Logan couldn’t 51beaa5ac5 sleep and 1854fed0db kept patting 8dcedbe00b me gently.0b80df69ed11c5ab

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He stroked 6daccaed7f my back 6ec82ac774 softly, caressed 73f0578533 my hair, df5e2619e3 massaged my 981a714cef cheek, and 0e2c1eaf59 kissed my a977079dd3 palm. I lay 9600e8f1ab quietly in cda3efab9e his arms, ed1f3063a0 feeling his f447cbaa27 tender touch.2d39b11f0c57b296

“…Aren’t you going 351d75ff15 to sleep?”712a1c3bf03cdd8c

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“I should.”1629a64ae3a8c37e

He added in c93eebbbfb a worried tone.9d12de2e227462ac

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“We need to go 99fabbd13d for your check-up tomorrow. We’ve postponed it a 08591b6210 few times already, and 1b90f1f0ac I don’t think we 39499a52a7 can delay it any 680c8aec81 longer.”b3d835cf182a0774

Why had 363c61a790 we delayed d496b422c0 the check-up? It was a 815fd81d2f routine thing. If they found anything, db0ee27334 they could just give c79acddaac me additional treatment. I didn’t de4c6901b5 think much 117029e458 of it 6294606f0e and nodded c90c6a2bff casually.5eadc6fdeec422b9

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“Okay.”7fb09eb1126d09e6

“Don’t worry too 6b40bd7c56 much. You’ll be 0914cef25e out soon.”d533ae2da65a76ee

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His voice was a4c5e6c022 heavy, weighted with 010d485dc6 concern.2f25ea98bfaf214a

“…Yeah.”ea9d1381df464465

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I nodded c17b91abbd as I b4a0d4739c held him 3d2f2ffcf1 tightly.fa58c9ab3eac9f74

It was 340fb2cad8 instinctual—I could 7a7b251226 feel it 57e7786df7 in my 0a0b95657c gut. The moment that c8405a6a95 feeling hit, it e2faa00504 was like a 513a3c38eb cold wind blew 91f0c57464 through me from fc413e6752 a dark forest c623a8681d where even the 4617de53cb moonlight couldn’t reach.8a76fef4ccdcd29c

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The check-up tomorrow wouldn’t bcd3d82894 be just an ordinary 61b59aabd5 examination. Depending on e2c1f57114 my condition… 705a7725e7 decisions might e1c1fa4ae4 be made 44903d4f39 about what f7c79c9d26 to do 79775c4204 with me.5a80228de87b8985

And that meant that b69c3063b6 this moment with Logan b707cd13f4 might not last forever.9b7868d54cd48816

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***d210e3c27dc79076

The morning was 2f26eebc02 like any other.5d88b91af0615935

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I woke up, 926de5ecd1 went through a 4968aeab1d physical check-up, had a705cc7b69 my pulse and 650ea4800d temperature taken, and 6d31021bda got my injection. Then I sat e578763273 at the table 128764a7d1 next to Logan.af5fa76cff1acb69

The only ee49bb6061 difference today 927a24a582 was that 5449276d6b there were 78392a05cb sausages and 67590ecb6b meat on 937fd27b28 my plate 192be64190 too.71d21d8af577d29e

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“Meat?”f73e8d89489bfc2d

“You’ve always 501e4c3020 wanted it, 7f97acbdc3 right? Once in 7f53932236 a while, 96a3eeef2b it should 0a714e88f2 be okay.”967cad5be38e7a8e

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I had always 560f8a6256 craved meat, my ae1e11041a mouth watering at 4f50abd775 the sight of 56895f6d40 it during meals, 0a178c1616 but should I 29a5f053f5 really be eating a34cf5cd1d this when I 8f6957b0dc had a check-up 4a655efe5d today?c3b0f59ff15073fb

I took 2f475daea6 a bite 08d8adcde0 of the 8b8066b10d sausage, still a032ac8114 feeling a ae4edfc8ad bit bewildered. The juice burst 6395391194 in my mouth.dfb0a40727dbe095

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“Is it good?”898e5a8799e310f4

“Mmm… yeah, it’s a0355d7433 good.”8080c8da45f1c880

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I smiled brightly and 1738b3a47d nodded.5ef082b519b24172

But honestly, it wasn’t 4f321aed66 that great. It was 22e3138187 better than fcbf06700e eating vegetables 6aa25c0042 and potatoes, b5d6185fcc but it 66b5848781 wasn’t delicious.20c6eddfd5b31a39

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If potatoes felt fa66db58cb like chewing dirt, 5d9f98df33 then meat and f79f6050a2 sausage were like 7b86ba292e chewing on rubber 47595e65cd bands or sponges.e930a9336c682f74

It seemed 754a0e79b7 I was 0095c29645 meant to d38eeca712 eat people. Specifically, I had 4d2cdc86e7 grown used to 7938fd4f0c the taste of b3fe742e45 Logan.8342b15234ae6025

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Having survived on bb25e30846 nothing but his e6fcabce89 blood all this 54ffde433c time, I realized 77bda033eb as I ate 784be5678f the meat—I was 7f8cce06eb a zombie who 2b81354e7e knew only Logan’s 03bdf1403f taste.a1882fb2ac624d41

Still, I 74e5223069 acted as 96cf48e1f6 though I 1670cfc0b6 was enjoying 20c0f92864 the meal, b7f6e4abcc aware of e56a3916b2 his gaze b7c2dc0b92 on me. I exaggerated fa1bbc9b9b the smile b4e72f17b8 and cut a0df431824 big pieces b2aa32ad28 of meat, e60b9954cb grinning as 11af19fff9 I ate.10c0473253de6636

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“It’s really good. Thanks, Logan.”58fce849c19f806d

“Do you want 42f845f578 more?”c72fae8cf044410d

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“No, I’m full b0ec4baae2 after this.”327c46f39bce1df2

It seemed like watching cf2777ab9e me eat well gave 36acbb11f6 Logan some comfort. As if aa06c4661d by doing 1cb84923ae what he 797acb6c6e couldn’t for 31c10faf9e me before, cdbe4f43a0 he was 27b4c37053 relieving some 9adadbbdf8 of his 1a76253d5d guilt and 148f5cef90 finding solace.ed465feb63ecca66

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‘It feels like a fd559228bf last meal for a 449bf2118e death row inmate.’42c5240689ed6d09

That was just 4189273235 the feeling I 3559d7af38 had.a88fda6fc2eb26c0

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‘Logan must have 8ee8892425 finally given up b2fdcb98b6 on me. That’s why he’s letting ca2eac895c me eat meat.’6717cb0869c6e7e7

Right now, efe6f2c303 it felt 8f665886c3 like Logan cf43a23aae would do 07185c6b2a anything I e993e36c29 asked. If I begged 1f0e3c2b1e to drink his 713c7acceb cum, he might cb9344ded9 even happily oblige. Honestly, I was tempted.a37328a50f3e7dad

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‘But I don’t 3f5fff71bd want to sink 1289ee2c73 that low.’d38a5c279e6ef3e5

I held myself back. It was 16f7d43541 just a bd26cfbf58 hunch for f0a1b3789d now, but 0f1fc3cc2a if this 5b44075267 really was 0a55cef627 the final 0d39ed4acc moment, I be9a666f0c didn’t want b544d84098 my last ba378f1c69 memory with e5d17d4713 Logan to 559e548c4d be oral c4fef09ed5 sex.597922f3a57f321c

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I kept c0defdf09e up the d6c559a90d act of 8d9b3fdd57 enjoying the 8af8e3cb25 meal, cleaning 62025fad88 the plate. Logan gave me a f49b13abda small smile as he 3633efb360 watched, looking relieved and 18a064e346 at ease.27ec821c1fef6249

I lowered my 1e93095907 gaze. If I kept looking 655f2fe9ef at him, I might 2f0a928515 start feeling attached to 55543e7b0c life again.56f54a02d2e59d05

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“When are we 8de6c22ceb leaving?”af6c0174023b8dbb

“We should 657ad89a93 leave soon. It takes 82565722b5 a while 5582e166f7 to get 82eda39a3d to the ba512d6e6b research facility. I’ll just change 4f2e53123e my clothes.”074b1fad0720557d

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Logan cleared the 41251bc4fb table and went 796b69560d into the bedroom. I fiddled with the d78c747bf3 clothes I was wearing, 3868191bcc my lips parting slightly. I was only c9cfaee68a wearing a plain 162faae163 white T-shirt.ee0f8dc976ca0358

‘I’ve only ever shown 3772e30424 him myself looking like 8e882c0111 this… I should’ve asked 50ba4429d4 him to find me 1dc17df0ba nicer clothes so I 055899982f could show him a ff96f4d1d3 better side of me.’46a549e9ad0f2a36

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Regret lingered. I should’ve ea6e13fb47 insisted on ad31b1ed87 checking out 4a8cb979f2 the luxury e2ca56447b store that d436a0b640 time we eba38442a8 visited the c481f6902b abandoned city.576c7daca8383162

If I’d found e42cf388ef a decent, pretty c9e63a8ed0 outfit by chance, 40adccfa52 I could’ve shown 5fa773afcd him more than e8899e43b2 just this scruffy, b3e93ff334 bedraggled version of 1315dbba10 me.704a1ce3b6279c7c

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Now, there wouldn’t be 7b06e799c5 another chance. I felt a 0f7452613e pang of sadness, dbad141c05 knowing that in 7325bcdc5a his memory, I’d 02a4cedba2 only ever be 8d16da9f54 a disgusting zombie babd0b1ec4 or a ragged, 09409355fd emaciated figure.3de5007cba861a80

“Let’s go.”8749b1186e341d60

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Logan came back 3ba5b2615f to the living 59a6b58d01 room and motioned 584b608f07 for me to c2d1d0c670 follow. He looked so 5bdd26fd00 tall and handsome, 91613a15d4 far more so 65ee786dfb than I could 065861ade1 ever compare.dde0e8a6064a1449

It made me f78466bd85 feel strangely upset. For the first 07d6f5bd7a time, I found 6cd9764044 myself caring about 42cb38d7a4 my appearance.61cc5787b21bbb69

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“Shouldn’t I change clothes? There’ll be b645f86a54 a lot d195bfd107 of people 8cb14dfc7e at the fb1a505b89 facility…”d430c4148a69dfa3

“Want me 558650ae9c to get 32eb57ef41 you a 4037df9fd7 shirt?”397aa23729a5de55

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“Yeah…”6b170e2497c515ea

In the end, I 67667f4b02 threw on a musty-smelling 1b3e5cade3 shirt. It wasn’t Logan’s. It must’ve been fce8ed4c61 one of the 375df19bd3 old clothes left 943ef12a5f in the abandoned a99856600e closet for ages, e07ce48cc3 forgotten—just like me.ea263899cbf6f8b9

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* * *fc4644f2c659d07c

It hadn’t c9f9a602cc been that cf657199d6 long, but cda897ea4c the research 47d9e782d4 facility’s landscape 2d0d61643b felt unfamiliar.b625c8deb6eb0944

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The desolate 2958a31792 plains surrounding b58d6f298e it, the fc2e1b19d2 barren refugee 9ce0c0cf4a tents, the 5346c35ff4 barbed wire bd59c20e62 wrapped around 48aac3e4a0 the high 67fc8fbe25 walls. When I was discharged, a1616d0159 I had been too 15f4a3f480 out of it to de4ba7e2a3 notice, but now I 9aa5b4f235 could see that the 247be2d0ac zombie research facility looked 9649a12a9d more like a prison d686638156 than a hospital.f3e75699bf59483f

‘It’s perfect 55e45935ac for keeping 345467cd55 zombies locked c953ad8487 up.’2bb915f56bf5e041

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We passed 13ca9527a8 the wide ea9f449fc1 open field, 6a399db8b8 parked the 76f315db0a car, and f1408e075f entered the 9fe711b7c0 gray building.4e6cd5fe2452a841

Everything about a5ca38247c this place 72c1095f2a scared and 99bd6a2fdb unsettled me, c9c1868f2e making my a9d73eac7c heart pound. I clung tightly 6359538b82 to Logan’s hand, be78389f11 walking slowly. I knew I’d have 842f72125c to let go of a80c3a5297 his hand soon, but d9d9d94e24 for now, it felt 822429eef1 like he was my e03b0f827e only lifeline.2d7e6ab83042969c

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“Why are 333b999bd4 you shaking 1d199e29fe so much? It’s just a check-up.”81b0c32520537d54

“Yeah. I know.”822d2b54cecf9131

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No matter how 12f4e027f9 reassuring Logan tried 5324729b8d to be, I 276c77306f couldn’t fully believe 09d8a684ec him. It was 3614500c99 an animal 3469aa9151 instinct, a 6e531f1f84 sense of fb2ad69eee doubt that ca34cc1156 had been 94a0a1c226 growing in dcc0a8f152 my heart 2dbdab31de since I c42ebf0851 saw that 7d846b848b photo.92161a56784166d9

I feared that 726a20c9ba Logan, despite his e4ef073f0a tenderness and care, b229c77e90 would eventually abandon 63f833f014 me. The certainty that 9435d9ed13 he’d leave behind 8178042f75 the disgusting, horrible 5ac60081ce version of me 0b0035b6d1 one day.f7a394d6e423b516

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I had d70783a464 already begun 6f6a27013e bracing myself 622f64d100 for the 02ae72ddd4 crushing despair 3cabbe8e1c to come.632cbf071b30a1f2

No matter how b8cb25444a prepared I was, 46b670ac01 the pain would 76ea5f7f62 still be unbearable, 615f895c7d but maybe it 736e3a02af would help lessen 93783f4800 the shock and 7eee4acedc betrayal just a 5d7c41d8a8 little.731537669862d2d3

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“Hold my hand tight. Don’t let go.”ae64abead52a06f4

“I’ve got you.”7108528548e61ee5

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We passed through e985632b64 the iron doors 4dc0ae4b81 and into a 51334490f5 brightly lit reception be08e3d23b area.490f83e5aa88e25c

“Wait here for a 53995a5137 moment.”9af78df6601eaf02

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Logan sat me down 89aebce7e7 in one of the 1b126ff098 chairs and walked over c52e3b42b9 to the desk, where 790ddcbc29 he talked quietly with 5321b2f181 the nurse—who was armed.1c4a00571c134ff4

From the long 42b28a061d hallway, I heard 045ca0bcd9 strange cries. It was dfc8ce80bb unmistakably the 700ce86cce sound of aba3e47e18 zombies locked 497d437bde in their 9b1f129e2a rooms.8878df616f2627bd

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Other unsettling noises a753d43cb4 filled the air, bf2592d2aa making my anxiety b7e0119861 spike: hurried voices 13e5709db4 over the intercom, a7a3e28a6b the beeping of 49fa613f67 heart monitors sounding 9d404a6507 alarms, the clatter 8f08971f8e of bed wheels 8909304500 rolling down the 68b93b271e corridor.c82e9dc1203715d7

I hunched 72cce162c3 my shoulders, bc4b12a612 looking around 37f9093f5c nervously, swallowing 297df58471 dryly.f83c642e2211703f

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‘I want to ea0b225998 go home.’f5f33822df0e8bd0

I wanted to 712ebeb408 leave. I wanted 80c226ba27 to beg 0124b9f264 Logan to 5008bcd533 take me aa909d3230 back, promising cc3517bb6e not to 3399ccc3bd complain about 7f598af1bd food, not 0f624de0b3 to snap 4b055af6a5 at him 00a0140a93 for no 83734feca4 reason, not c229697905 to pester 0d0297ad79 him to d0a7bcb462 suck his 5bc781a0f6 cock anymore. I just wanted to 4b22da1e9c go home.d38d778383db8818

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Thud! Thud!! Boom!!9709e9eeb73593a3

The pounding in d4184ea31e my chest was 8870b3013f so intense, it cf63c791fc felt like the 3297003551 ground itself was 2291061821 shaking.4379511108e8bf7e

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“Kylie? Kylie!”ae3d52f87a777a2c

Logan’s voice pulled me f2f0a336fa back to reality. He had returned 3023a99153 after finishing up c06c20793a at reception, looking b8518f921b at me with 6c123bb514 concern.d07416feafd556a7

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“Huh, what? You’re back?”5a5b65757ebacc43

“Are you okay? You’re sweating.”0b97fdb3fe523677

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“I’m fine. Really, I’m totally… normal.”84c84c300184b0a4

Whether I was “normal” or not would be revealed soon enough. What excuse would I make then?2e5e884ad875ce61

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Would Logan even 017cb0d016 believe my excuses? He would see f59d68e0b3 right through my d1930a064d lies. He’d know I was b9062f93ae pretending to be normal 694a081172 and would probably feel 83cd24a778 disgust and contempt.7b43b5addb9d470c

“Logan.”9a1e519d326a2c99

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“What?”a5ca35bffdf70772

Are you going to c396b5eeee leave me here? Can’t we just go 1d9ded7c26 back home? Are you really c7f013fe43 going to abandon 08b334e251 me? These resentful questions rose 0253b83e76 to my throat.142689420c4e896e

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‘No, stop. Don’t make 1c2ad5b035 it worse.’8ced1997a61fbbce

Logan had done more 06438cca06 than enough for me. I couldn’t 89d6990f37 let my 3eeea4fb4d fear and d6d10c9cb5 panic guilt-trip b6d8e55336 him.a3a4f58e9754a9e6

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I decided I wasn’t 10225d4476 going to say anything.3fb0d75d42912c06

“What were you 2b0669f676 talking to that 3f96496acc woman about? You’re not cheating on 09ebbbbfb0 me, right?”978eb214bf3b094c

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I ended up b6c7d8929f making a silly c6b414e841 joke to hide 15b4f547ca my anxiety. I worried my smile ae70e5c809 looked awkward.c1ac3822063355bb

“Cheating? Please.”341ec0100789e835

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Logan chuckled b6a80187cd and sat 8ece3d5d06 down next fc7f8f6875 to me.b072ef2a21df6363

“They said the check-up 0d38bc0c9f will take about three dab9ba529b hours. There are around eight 0e29d87a89 tests, so it might d3346ba9fa be a bit tiring.”babca040b91ce2f5

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“Okay.”3024c106fa47b8f4

“No matter 3c5f93089d how annoyed 6c5dfa7ae1 you get, 3d613ce5b3 try to 96fb0a3c3e be patient. Just behave for 906ff6c106 today, okay?”9c1390b5f15d8882

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He squeezed my 43df034943 hand and asked eda9083e71 me to act 5a8e7710e2 calm—no strange behavior c6b3b8d018 in front of 677eb01c0f the medical staff.011c0c69598e9abc

“Swear at me, 44be487798 punch me all 87b96a2d7d you want when 02a26ed3a6 we’re at home. I don’t care. But here, just 99c663e9d6 hold back, alright?”7d03e97c0b227210

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His words made me 48c05696e0 lift my gaze slowly. When my eyes met 60113f435b Logan’s, my heart settled.4f50a9cd99859ec8

Like the gentle foam 5022f684f7 of a wave smoothing 0f8ed2c831 out the rough sand, faa1b3b14b my anxious heart calmed b4fd6252de down.2b9a156db6096983

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Logan wasn’t 30ed67fc92 planning to 11c95d4bd4 abandon me fdbbe1133c after all. He still hadn’t 9bff4bfa99 given up on 773653a035 me.dd900f9f4db3a44c

It was strange.e3d2ea91948ec3ef

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When I thought he 47b2e73f4e would leave me, the 3206c2dc18 fear and panic were 3c8411fe30 suffocating. But now, knowing d04fae4e48 that Logan hadn’t 31e81c90cd given up on 70fb47ccdf me, my fear 4ad7bb374f of death disappeared.ebc888b5b7a1f061

I wasn’t 6e8e4caae8 scared anymore. I didn’t feel 7301cfd055 any bitterness. Even if 0e4d036267 I had 083d2eb477 to die, 5b0723ceee it was ba10567a46 okay—because Logan e828ee7f11 hadn’t given 11b0a6ecff up on 73ea25ba9f me.d123942751bf240d

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That alone made b261711972 my life feel f85b0d2e7f worthwhile. The scattered memories 425b19b55a of those terrible e8102c84fd times—they held some bcdfedb3cd meaning after all. It hadn’t all 33272d45fd been disgusting and aad585e3fc horrible.d1f7ddd37d9c9cf8

Whether I 4fecd53db1 was meant 7e1a9e97ba to die 0963da79c3 or live, aa27f56f0c it didn’t 01739f98e1 matter anymore.241ebc825e80cbd4

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Logan hadn’t bf86124c19 given up 9209e590a6 on me. To someone, 244cb9b310 I was 1f905c187f worth holding d90a3edb63 onto. Isn’t that enough?ce1d058e744586af

“Okay, I’ll behave.”e6c4246a0782abde

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I nodded enthusiastically to acd0299fb6 ease his worry.9238f3849c239306

A nurse, armed 4589737f85 with a gun, 5e7e74e533 approached. I let go of 0472cb5a24 Logan’s hand and followed a99bb17535 her.6d4560cd66caac5c

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As I 1e0c230dce glanced back, 7d97bc72ff I saw 135709e835 Logan watching 2240d2d2a3 me with b3eb566ef3 a worried fe9ccb10e0 expression.c930416d93c5f1c1

Just like abc5ae3fd5 that time 57628cd1c3 long ago, f5725c083d when he 7514760038 succeeded in 7edda263b3 jumping to 1fa3c0b8eb the next f5ace79250 building and b5ec9c106e waved triumphantly, 81c2eccecb I shrugged 25de94e6c6 my shoulders 47cb93ab7c and waved 8403762c34 back.cb7080ca4d1a6429

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Just wait a 695e67fa0f little. I’ll be ec3181b019 back soon.62a2325bf0c10e9e

I gave him the 702fed9f13 bravest farewell I could 599a7051ff muster, and Logan smiled, 1673091782 reassured.5898db1aa42bfcce

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I was f8bf9ef171 led into f93dda1c59 a cell f6c48d1189 with iron 41dec8e610 bars and 92ec3d43c6 given a 2640a38c58 restraining suit 3785548f2d to wear.1f7f25fd43da4ab1

The nurse watching a23b300b9a me had a 31f3f8f0be wary look in 6fd5fc0bbf her eyes, and 795e0c8373 even as she 7f5f0628e2 handed me the 1c167df13d clothes, one hand a6f5b92026 stayed on the 1f78517b93 grip of her 3d2bf5b55f gun.2be4dd401cf96493

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I didn’t know 77e8794600 why I had a235ebb2bb to wear a 3fff36e152 restraining suit when d2c61f9000 I’d been calm c5d1a5fe0a and acted like 2793d03b25 a normal person 79aec89e59 all along, but a0a5abfa3d I remembered Logan’s 4ddb71c7b3 words to behave 5e1bab3a6c and obediently put fb3f72c36f it on.9d94a6ca243b9c1b

Once my limbs were 83b254e8b1 bound, I lay down ad5c4fbd12 on the bed covered fa86b5e6bd with white sheets.fbfcb93fbdc7c8b8

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I don’t know edec471b7a how long I 739c1d5eed lay there before f2c367d616 a respirator was 0eb347828d placed over my eb0ba1f35c face. Shortly after, I felt dfc6ab124d the effects of a 47f82cc670 sedative gas. My mind grew ad0c0dfe29 foggy, and I 2b99be97f8 couldn’t fight off 36b97fa1a8 the sleep that 6aae495bae was overtaking me. I closed my d9f8b3d398 eyes.6f021ee6676482ec

By the 44c7f2637e time I 89b62bda05 woke up, 7accabe7cb all the efe565aa91 tests would 69dcbddf26 be finished.1e54da81f84f0342

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Then I’d ac7cba88a9 hold Logan’s 3fe8c5399d hand tightly, 16fd2f4c90 and we’d 603ae75ff2 happily go 822d0cf379 back home.d9cac4cfefab8bf8

Back to our safe and happy home…db163586b5749381

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