DS Chapter 20

So, did I acd1a29760 distance myself from f2cdd97d31 Logan after that 49f1115c37 day? No, I didn’t.f8d184971e1b14a4

Like a 098494956d dog can’t b181cd29cb stop eating 1e9febe8e8 crap… I 5ec25c70f4 was constantly 875e18b05b tormented by b7cc01965c overwhelming thirst f5d0815201 and hunger, 72f737961c making it 31ec867baa impossible for 591f893ba4 me to dc4d7ea58a keep my 373c8ddf77 sanity, let d84716b907 alone stay 7626e07a49 away from 1532630f38 Logan.927ac1acfb290e05

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I was still fc7c019b7d the same, running 5d78e19e13 to him, panting 68612b50a0 like a starving, c6f324119b heat-driven dog.135c87399c23c35c

“Hurry up and 13db1841bb take off your 3f1544772a pants. I’m hungry. I want to eat e24badda9b now!”07c63cb21259ee8e

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“You’re really faabdf576c just coming e40692a704 right out 4e2fdc51a1 and saying b7bd6c93a5 it now, 45a0f5cd47 huh.”5fcd830f8cf7002e

But deep down, a 0e19c6d90e seed of betrayal, distrust, b39e514fe0 and anxiety toward Logan f1df4846c9 had taken root.fa71d3aa48763deb

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I was still aroused 7838367ff7 by him, my heart 4d57a22f58 still raced and fluttered, 33d82735f9 yet at the same 10c861cc6c time, I doubted him 02c6da6dda and kept my guard bd93170e49 up. My emotions swung like 7a47c15f5c a seesaw between lust 9eee4fed24 and suspicion.aea1b72be37e1715

Sometimes, rage and frustration 364fd1e7fd surged inside me, and f4320fdbc1 I’d pin him down ddffcaf77b beneath me, riding him 969cd1de70 with fierce, punishing movements.b5dc22abb8bc24c4

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I’d force his e804152563 cock deep into bdb6e51920 me, slamming hard d2a754e1b3 enough that it 55acd5d119 felt like my 7b165c6fde insides were flipping 1d7109e9ce over, the pain 834442eb21 so intense it 5afbdc87e7 left me breathless.783d6264aaf466ff

Other times, 2a544004d1 I’d shove 70871504a5 his cock 82afd898bf down my a8dc8ecf4f throat, so a412d31fa8 far that 4bfbf6345f it triggered 7a3181d352 my gag f090a4128a reflex. The sour taste of 2bb522f119 bile would rise, my 4999057471 breath would hitch, and 3ad0c0ef61 my eyes would roll a6c12962d7 back, but I forced 8f0bfb9458 myself to swallow it 69ce83d945 all. I focused more on 66b2e91d0b the pain than the 82720db10b pleasure.843549c029ff9e2a

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It hurt, it 9f3fda6c36 hurt so much, 1ffa540c9b and I couldn’t d92d484bc2 breathe. During those brutal sessions, 07a2656177 tears would fall freely 4c777a3490 as I cried out 0c10806d31 in agony.dd9dd3b50ebcd2f5

But I 4ce82b1d56 couldn’t stop. It was like 75eac13861 punishing myself, as 3dd383b92e if I needed fdf5317c6a to be treated f302634c01 as terribly as f6e14c04dc I felt about 402fe19c2e myself to find b34c967955 some kind of f1a0fe3b61 twisted comfort.1cd0635b8725270b

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I couldn’t blame Logan, 9a7740d539 couldn’t erase the past, 6a26e0e37c and had nowhere to dbc5410f34 run. So, I eee10696f3 tormented the 20826f910f easiest target—myself.5c720b3308a45999

“Stop.”e447191291b53ed5

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“Guh…! Nngh, ugh.”7b689255e457746e

“Kylie. Stop.”d70cef69f2c15939

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As I 41e031bce4 forced his c11fa5d2f9 cock deep 7db484dbd0 into my db187508d0 throat, tears e4136ca5f0 streaming down bdfa353096 my face, 9d8ba6b82e Logan pushed 4db976cba7 me away.413679051e6a84f8

I wiped the saliva 7f264e82ed from my messy mouth 9937b8b224 and glared at him 35f8f85538 with defiance, wondering why 75f8514400 he was stopping.ba212e0e66c61831

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“…Why?”e423d117a8571173

“Let’s stop for 0c06fc26d7 today.”132a82036266a1b5

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“Why? Didn’t you like it? Was it d02bcdb5a0 not good?”e955c6d6a842bbc2

Logan looked at me b626273a8e with quiet eyes, his 56b5a75c26 lips parting slightly. Then, without a 11f5a16fe4 word, he pulled 8484328b82 me into his bba9a9e94e arms.295051714122dfe7

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I tried e733897883 to twist 5f9471616d away, but fa2eea27de his grip 3684def9bb only tightened. Eventually, I let go 612456e58c of all my strength, 36bd3c7572 collapsing limply against him.2ca469b6772ae206

Resting my 28633a3db6 cheek against 2e3975a16c his chest, 9d4b78be72 I listened ccaf6af2ea to the cdc5afe084 pounding of 197e2947ec his heart, 8b9e1d5f7d trying to 2ed1d7b264 calm the 724dd9c2e8 waves of 6c1a1a1027 excitement and e89630bf48 anxiety.867011f25d1342b3

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He leaned against 7fd7e0b93d the headboard, pressing ea9da9c1da his lips gently 18a87e68bf against my forehead, ce5d726f01 whispering in a b0dad2d96e pained voice.943b6d4d700e4ce2

“You look like you’re a7bf457c8a in pain. I don’t like 73c1089689 it. Let’s stop.”67d8090b976d6b60

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What does 72482ae6f9 it matter 5d87ab6587 to you 14e6c603dc if I’m 2a83afcba7 in pain? All you 13b3d0d8ba care about 097574005a is coming ec025405ab in my 254f5ad431 mouth, feeling fe75d3ee6d your pleasure f625f08867 and then d66e707517 being done 524bc4f544 with it. Why do you care 07fddbf4e5 about me now?223bdb36522b73ae

Even as 09ac87514e anger and 07f9d8b076 rebellious thoughts e299492e40 swirled in c24b3eff1b my mind, 8a8f64800a tears started 2bc48dbf9e to fall.74289006b006c6de

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There wasn’t any rain, 36f83b1873 but it felt like f47e040f30 a torrential downpour was 8c4ff16d7d crashing around my ears. I felt like I 4341677acf was drowning in it, b17536ed9e gasping for air, clinging 35b6d36ce1 to him for dear aae7bf45b3 life.4acda855fbe67209

I don’t 98d68cf0e6 even know c86f68f904 why I’m 5ce018b12e like this. I want 835692b3c4 to stop c0739728c8 acting so d460ad58f4 strangely, but 99b7eb317f I can’t. I don’t know how 72dd91d729 to stop.9497971b19844473

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I can’t d207c28139 escape these baa33ce190 bizarre desires, cd97b0fa89 this hunger, bf31ffc2e4 or the 867d8b3f9e self-torment. I can’t free myself 50bada939a from the shame that 734f33984e feels like my skin 30c54f64a8 is being stripped off, b357420e60 or the pain that 641b0d4f95 crushes my insides.1a33a49ac70e669b

Since I 9668b124ce saw that 67855596dc photo, I 1ffc03f509 couldn’t close d6f82f86d7 my eyes 9fa5f6aa2d without flashes 25ee3c24e0 of my 7d7eb45ee4 time as d437200591 a zombie 3f35233213 coming back ad531e5ea7 to me. It wasn’t just the 9fe316e45d image from the picture.7af25ef62497123a

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It was like 5810d7501a a button had 60bd8f4f3c been pressed, like fc827271e3 a dark room c1e1f13c17 suddenly lit up, 0e6f25d21c bringing back the b8e5c4cdb5 memories I had 618019b81a buried deep down—the 69bcc60bd7 ones I never 64071663cb wanted to face.c1db21b43d3959e6

I was nothing more 35c50f8bfa than a grotesque creature, 66a0c07561 driven by nothing but 288319092a the desire to devour 55da5923dc him. And Logan, who stayed 43b96f7ea4 by my side despite 6b775fa17b it all.5cd0829d9c4d7745

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He subdued me when 7844ff3ce4 I lunged at him, 395aaad187 sometimes stroked my hair, ab9d61ec40 sighed as if annoyed, bc1ca06fc1 locked me in a c5345d7f89 room with a hardened dde3df0ac2 face, tied me up… f797e1d068 and even drew his bbf4da61a6 own blood to feed e12b4b74a3 me. I begged, desperate, for ef044a6d1b every drop that fell 25612f6c0c from the needle.a18520033c5606e6

That’s how I c93852e069 survived. Logan kept me alive ae7e01e3df like that. No—he didn’t 20818a4400 just keep 4cee0ffa5f me alive. He trained and 71bb333fa5 tamed me like 779dcb43bc an animal.e2f7d754c1c02973

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Can I ever go 0da4bb5c32 back to how I 00c0b07f46 was? Or am I doomed ba078b73aa to live like this, 0a709d713b mentally broken forever?aaf2b334d7cd7a78

If I’m destined to live like this, always in heat like a desperate dog, pathetically clinging to Logan, living a worthless life…f3dada8f3f159aaa

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“Why… why did you save me? You should’ve just let me die. Then I wouldn’t have to suffer like this. Why did you save me for your own reasons?!”e424aa5786a9e419

Logan held 373531f66d me tighter, 7e681bff1d as if eb4bd9159d he couldn’t afd9e40632 breathe without c6b6a933a8 me. His breathing, rough 4c056c798e and unsteady, matched 9ce94f8e1f mine.be473369100c336d

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I couldn’t tell if b25a161741 he was angry or b09aa252fc on the verge of aa56ed2625 tears. I didn’t have the 2b6316e51a energy to decipher his 3bb2b2d8b2 expression or feelings.f67a3c0c40fe59f7

I knew e4c20877e1 my words 262651343e were tearing 0b7aa55756 at his 3b7bcfbc5e heart, but bcad8bcde9 I lashed c66f04bb3b out at a3b6c92394 him, letting 99cf25335d my bitterness e6332123c7 spill out.afd39024d844624c

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I blamed him, throwing e30498d87e my unbearable pain and 54303fc708 sorrow onto him, hoping ab1a1a1cd9 to escape this despair, 11407bcb31 even just a little.1e7d8700e0ef0f62

“It’s all your fault. I’m like this because of you. If it weren’t for you… if it weren’t for you…!”b128c2674ddf612b

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“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Kylie.”a17cc21c01959e49

“You’re disgusting. I’m disgusted, sick to my stomach. This isn’t me, this isn’t who I am…”6bd8b37e25536d7b

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“I don’t 363abfcc87 care what 1a2cb44513 you look 422f8b0600 like. Just stay with f2a1ace0d0 me. Stay by my 202d13e464 side.”e1f4009be491beee

“No! Why do 4e697d1bfd I have 790a5178fe to live a2ff8a66f0 like this? Why do I have a2bc6bbdfb to endure this suffering?”15e92fb896900970

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His hands a5e0d7a376 were warm d754397643 as they 1c2bc5e380 cupped my 80ee9c59ae tear-streaked face. Through my blurry cfaa18a492 vision, I could 8903ee7d7d see Logan’s face, 1982d42504 tears streaming down f689ac080e his cheeks.a19fd50a006b14ae

“…Please, don’t leave me alone. I can’t live without you. Nothing matters without you.”f185d4ddae2db957

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His voice trembled with e710d9dd11 desperation, choking me with 9c4d235fb5 the weight of his f4628bdefb plea.ff7c202819080a71

Not only 85bbe67b72 did you 66f5ce1bd9 not let 0c633febed me die 6b8519ff25 peacefully, but d07aa6da0a you won’t 84c239178e even let 8dd8f36ba5 me go. You’ve trapped me in 85b857e423 this hell.13188805e319508a

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Logan, selfish, cruel, and 2ae2e63e5b cowardly. Why are a46212cee3 you torturing 001ea0b173 me like 3529e5bc85 this? Why are you clinging 1b1e4952e6 to me so desperately?fe95189986565c27

Why… why can’t da898ed033 you just let 415e241c65 me go? Even I want to 3f317d6434 give up on myself.354a60b04c391037

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* * *79a0b1645996b73f

“Eat your food.”aee99e53bfa44884

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“I don’t 48a28f86e4 feel like 32fb69250f eating right ebeb5dd43f now. I’ll eat later.”fc28f676569dc8a3

I stared a42fbfe3a1 blankly at 3634cae429 the table ca3de5fab4 before standing 1db5d19de4 up. Just the 86a01f8305 sight of b4cd7d5c4e fruits and a17de652e0 vegetables made e9c2f31193 my stomach f4a9051626 churn.d51a8a5ad5f41bf1

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“Kylie.”d6b461f63f2e9b1a

Logan called my name 59f8a5ba0d in a stern voice. His tone made 975a722b63 it clear that 96644dc39f I was expected cab2c3971c to sit back 81fb7b2743 down at the e13f3a5e53 table. My mood soured.90f7a4af337ba117

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“Whether I eat or 9de35813fe not is my choice. Just leave 34a1f5bcbe me alone.”a90f55ed18a62a8c

“Sit down.”3d3189d6d5ddec52

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“…”b4759b5f5f0af08c

“Now.”1fd9f7f522fd0dfa

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If I 95b0e32c9a kept resisting, 1a28f55406 he’d force d0a524fa97 me back 40a86c3b2e to the 2ab93f2530 table. He’d watch me 9ec57e1b8c eat, turning it 68fbd040d9 into a slow, 2433d93dd7 agonizing punishment until 811f54aa5b I finished every 3fe5ffc446 bite.b0c1a1d246ed138d

Ever since I 103755e3ff collapsed after skipping bab17eb36d dinner and only 5ee62dd70f taking my injection, 76f4d0ab7c he’d been stricter 31324ddedd with me. Now, I couldn’t d2089b7396 leave the table 206b9d8ca6 until I’d finished 41288039b7 every tasteless bite.c3a56b8b9c7daf6b

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And that wasn’t the eefc812c06 only thing. Sex had been reduced 15783e555d to once every two 424e3a4d6f days, and he wouldn’t 3d8668e1ee let me drink his 675d0fec0d cum anymore.56e7f877305d568d

The longer this 31a59e5204 went on, the b60e71f558 more irritable and 35db797b35 sensitive I became. We’d been arguing more 295a9fe7ca and more lately.2d1ebaac9225252a

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As if things 51028ee98c weren’t already hard c0b9f13da8 enough, why was 565a3143d2 he making it 124e49e8c8 worse?5fe9682c1d2bd5f5

Even though I c2599e3cd1 knew why Logan dbc195023e was acting this 8a7e3c6cc1 way, I couldn’t 6a17c2974b help feeling wronged. His concern didn’t e918f40341 matter to me; fb40a1443f all I could c1879a6479 feel was my d84ae77f5b hunger and my 730bc64d25 pain.77bb66ed9fb60e20

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With a face full dec259ed3f of reluctance, I forced 3fafaaa56c the food down. It felt like I 321e099fc3 was shoving rotting, maggot-ridden 79d4a53757 garbage down my throat, 03f3bcce5a the taste sickening.167a0c8d7241aca5

“…I’m done.”2f9f0e934da4131c

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“Good job.”7d4f7c560728e6dc

While Logan went c80c03cf99 into the kitchen, 19bf53fc2c I rushed to 4ef6819640 the bathroom and 99c3b8ff4a vomited everything up. Even though ecb0b0ebb8 the sensation 217df98056 of the a73fbdda26 food coming 735cf0d1d6 back up 0eef9cdb2e was horrible, e2415f3809 there was f997285311 a faint a01c3471d7 sense of e76b5dd5b3 relief.71eff10c0aa39cd9

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After emptying my stomach, ec5d9fc085 I stepped out of 7ec2b46000 the bathroom, feeling lighter, 5c3f8a5d81 but froze in place.925b7cdb8e3c4f22

“…”1a348f20a1fdeeaa

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Logan stood there, d9715228e9 his expression one 0772f64d5d of shock. His eyes were red c9772e154e underneath, as if he 35b0d92867 were barely holding back 7814f20de7 tears.94131ba894e82b86

He was 347c228225 clenching his efa994e7de fists so 2674005a96 tightly, his 34e7212302 jaw locked a01cef003b as if cf94e6f76c struggling to 4a37022e63 suppress a 433a0b70e8 deep sadness. His face was the d3d9656806 very picture of despair.74a8f2c4904ae0d6

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A wave of 16ca127963 guilt washed over b09ae55de6 me, and I caca736a0d averted my eyes ebd73d0b03 from his gaze.22c9fbafe49534aa

“I just wasn’t feeling ebcee648c8 well.”2b6b9654c644d1dd

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I was the one who forced myself to eat food I didn’t want. I was the one who suffered, throwing it all up until bitter bile came up. So why did you look so drained and hurt? What could possibly be so hard for you…?f21d6ecaec5f9af6

Even as 5755561847 I thought 62e93d1bba that, my 7b8ebc8212 chest burned. It felt 61e15bbfc9 like a 61b63e69a0 vicious fire 43eb79b17b ant had 76e70a4d72 bitten into 87cfa532ed my heart, 6ed2150896 leaving it 2339a2e4cb aching and 6af172d603 raw.1ba894570d65895c

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I hung my head 4c340c645e low, biting my lip 30aef4bd22 hard, and mumbled in 63293a3534 a voice tinged with b065d31eb3 tears.cc1c81ef69a42e1a

“I won’t do it again… I’m sorry.”a8efaea5e26986dc

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For the first time, 8ccb37ca5d I apologized to him. Logan sighed c7756ec83d deeply, then 5cdea9284f walked over 593eaadabd and wrapped c1afb1a0c9 me in 980ff0b9fa his arms.90b2b46043af5fb4

Once again, Logan didn’t 51cf9f71bd give up on me. Instead of scolding me, a4696f129e he comforted me, saying c4c02548ff he was sorry for 068f7fbf7c making me eat something ade583c81f I didn’t want.7692653399c8e550

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“If there’s anything 747c39969b you actually want 7ec60743cf to eat, just 5a5349eea2 tell me. I’ll make c40eca67c4 it for dd0a93015c you.”5a3528b4358b06fd

“…There isn’t. Nothing at all.”ddce3b797322b12f

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His scent filled 6e12698bc4 my lungs, and b9b6ad4d7b I held my 50e33332f7 breath.f5b132cadaa0882a

The truth was, there a6ca10c7fd was something I wanted f189905fdb to eat.36abb5d7c0280c6e

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My empty stomach 9cfaadc91d was screaming for 9f1bf83886 it. Like a beast that d50943bea0 had been lying dormant bdd5d77269 in a dark cave, 034976eb1a suddenly awakened with glowing bc72ebbaae eyes and a terrifying 0389000f58 roar, my insides twisted, cce5c58876 and my heart pounded 95ea8d70d9 dangerously hard.b572a14e36ca0e95

There is something I 053f330edf want, Logan. I want 12474e763b human blood a5d6710069 and flesh.6e4e8d7f2152d8a7

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I want to tear d250bc954a into soft flesh, drink 24e286fe36 the flowing blood, and af81d8f2a6 chew on hot, sweet ccecbe9a66 meat. I want to rip d0a0afb126 out a heart from 0f933ab4af under the ribs and 07ef53f686 take a big bite.d5714282e9a27506

But I can’t, right? If I did 635925a14b something like that, 55c8b46d83 it would break f40ebebdbf you, wouldn’t it?9066ac23f8b67458

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So I’ll hold c3828b062c back. Even if it’s b142f4e2a5 unbearable, I’ll hold 4569363695 back, Logan. Because I cf871077ce don’t want f62584a77d to disappoint 4f11c5913e you.de1b34e781410204