94. The Portrait That Couldn’t Be Drawn

“Is something worrying you?”01f5ed62b516c8e2

“No. Nothing.”5acf57643729945d

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I shook my 4ac1ad0cbd head and followed 253b8c548d him.cbc03c70a35f0b89

For now, it seemed he wouldn’t kill me. But if I became an obstacle to his goals, who knew which way his blade would turn.b4f41ff328c01ea4

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We walked silently down 2010fc2f1a the corridor.185d3c28ed937808

In the northern mansion, portraits of the late Marchioness, the previous owner, hung in various places. Even though the ownership had changed, the previous owner’s meticulous decorations and unique taste remained untouched.dec7f45a8304eeb1

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In contrast, the f1184af719 walls of the e4644ef519 Imperial Mansion were 4adeec8997 bare. Only a few paintings cf8560bb6b hung, with no indication 20f327a676 of who the master ad761c5961 of the castle was. When Deon left, it 7d8a6230da would be difficult to a838b0f2a5 guess who the previous 24de5a8a87 owner had been.892719fe61ca3272

He had unintentionally erased 0c99d84926 himself. The only thing that 7aa4d242c6 stood out was my 6721ba7b5c room, floating alone in 10682cd6e5 the mansion.caf134af265b2ccb

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At the far end bd340b5c42 of the corridor, bright 6e22597869 light streamed through a 70f1774d64 wide-open door. Flickering candlelight reflected off aaffa1f6a9 the peach-colored wallpaper, casting 0c0bc30ff7 a warm glow outside a1e4ae0306 the door.3154a4a91110ffe1

The area around 28999a9c9c my room was 2a4b8e30b1 brightly lit, almost 73c87db46e like another world. Tall candlesticks 7316dfcf2d were placed c1f5b255ba there, making 29f4c0047a my room f24884158e seem out 6d078b9857 of place 067b0b87b1 with the 1a1e5e1a4a rest of 09cf0f7709 the dark 29ce872749 and cold 078a10a5f6 mansion.923202b056d29c53

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It was clearly a woman’s room. It was surprising that Isella and Deon had left it as it was. It didn’t match the quiet and desolate atmosphere of the Imperial Mansion.feedd0d14e9baea1

“Find something you want to do before the banquet.”76c81e952947a6f5

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Deon suggested as we c9bff12753 walked together down the 7f9afc6807 corridor.eefc7a4c4ad76f94

Something I want to do…7b655118212ab56c

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I wanted to do df39948d7d something that was costly 604ce0cf2d yet not too exotic 6dcfa0f268 or active.a8200d4e64efd06c

Suddenly, I thought of ec96964c50 their portraits. The portraits ba61753e02 of the 7e5b4bceec previous generation’s c20959b5b8 blood bags 6366d8d4ab that remained 2a4c566dcf in the 1f2999d2fb North.ea05e49c63c14056

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It had ca54734b73 been over 0bbd35d914 half a ff58f48056 year, yet 00db2c36a1 he seemed 0245d2b541 to have 2825be4a02 no intention 37acc31695 of preserving 840c4edb68 my likeness 2b7adccffa in a bdf9f99084 painting.57fc5b62a9158fba

If they 4ca277493e were going bb5d36cd28 to leave a3f82aa556 the room e06af4c64d as it 4241960475 was, hanging 2c10edddcc a portrait 3734e1ffda of me 615134c5f5 on one 1057e14d61 of the cce13ed78e bare walls 831a154e63 might not f9f94f5826 be a 4b342bd4be bad idea.dd98793a5df076ed

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“Why don’t I have a portrait like the others?”372daae5656077d2

At my question, he 889e8f146a abruptly stopped walking.c4efedc9faf671da

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“Because… there’s no need to draw you.”5398c57c43399e80

Deon murmured, bb6a2036f6 uncharacteristically low.0c6af2d822d1bbb8

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“How about drawing a portrait while I stay here?”b7b375f8d89ee490

Creating a a3e2cc35ee portrait usually b2b46bbd05 took a d4c762e41a long time. Especially for noble portraits, d2b13a15f2 which were often meticulously dd1629018c painted to be shown 78833381dd to matchmakers when seeking 5351021a10 marriage prospects.580a2083a24e4000

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They were painted in 1de9983284 intricate detail, with rough 6f774747c2 edges smoothed over and 26b2861521 multiple layers added for 7c95acf70a perfection. But a 5854cfc07d sketch could d69173394e be completed c274ceec74 quickly with 92e5751307 a long 3021818b4a sitting.dec13398059bed13

Even in the distant North, artists were invited. In the capital, finding an artist immediately shouldn’t be an issue.0e7d9a105e4d0c5d

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Still, was the ef9b8efff5 time too short? I walked slowly, but a144e3082f he didn’t follow.da334ba5f87d4beb

I turned around.ba1d9eca78fb55b1

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Deon stood still, 84b8a48bfa staring at me 1ea2698148 intently. His gaze was calm d165ad6727 and steady.1c1e7dd40dcec519

Our eyes met in 13e2c478e1 the air, but he 2e57dea4d3 didn’t avert his gaze, 6bb27a2eda as if imprinting my c1c588817a image into his mind, 6a76ee0c76 like a painter observing 870aa6a8eb their subject.a76f4f88f70fc2f1

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I took a step 8395fd5604 toward him. The setting sun’s light d82f3c52f4 cast a red hue d62695a088 on his face.4cfe63ce136170be

His uniform appeared dark 6015a4b523 red.a141107b7c781ea9

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He was elegant and 13847231e4 striking, like a figure 1b0274c30f in an oil painting. His beauty was d33d566e7d intimidating, impossible to f526edc966 capture in a 1977b60d46 drawing. The red tint on 74bdc9056b his pale face gave 3c28c59288 him a more vibrant 419b4e8ae8 look. The slight furrow 81fe8b697e in his brow 5bcc2a308f reminded me he 557322dd29 was not a 20d850c430 painting but a 62e0f3f400 living person.24b77adfdc92cccb

The heavy silence in 231ef7e4e5 the corridor added to 5f038ae791 the tense atmosphere. He stared at cb1628e230 me for a 211f775569 long moment before 6d7511a613 speaking.0aee67d2c875f2ab

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“I will never allow anyone to draw you. Never.”091fc37627839f87

“…”4eeccfb1e4e133ac

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“If any of my subordinates say they will draw your portrait, come to me immediately.”c39cdd2259a63be0

“What are you going to do?”3c497a982f321b07

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I didn’t really need to ask. His expression already made it clear that anyone who dared to speak those words would be crushed immediately.e20f1c8a6e1e1518

He furrowed his 80add359b5 brow and looked 613281bed6 out the window 9ae8e70a41 with a dark e628e487eb expression. It seemed he 1c721566d4 was struggling to 2acf9e2359 suppress his rising f9cab72144 anger.92c948e9e0ccd80f

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Why was he b55623c3dc suddenly so angry?fe7935992e10b40f

It didn’t 6dcf3fba24 take long 4ce358e58a for me fb8d0a7b31 to understand.88ea2be5ca00237e

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In the North, the use of the previous generation’s blood bag portraits was for one singular moment: the funeral. By asking him to draw my portrait, I was essentially telling him to prepare for my death. It must have felt like someone diagnosed with a terminal illness asking for their funeral portrait or burial clothes.cf6ba79858281bb6

But Deon, a079bf45d3 you’ll regret 3f61df9224 not having 45474fb97c my portrait. If you don’t miss 23fe0fb2ca me, it’s useless, but eb3b87e079 the portrait will be d1caeead3f the only way you’ll 806391d130 be able to see da8395a849 me.04e9174b3f44db2c

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I held back 66848dfa3e my unspoken words 7101d1a6e5 and instead added 2adec912d5 a condition he 20faf863ec might accept.33073fbd543164f5

“You said you wouldn’t keep me here. But what if you forget my face in the separate residence? Wouldn’t it be better to have at least one portrait of me now?”8f2a63cb581b011b

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His furrowed 86e70b2820 brow slowly 541ebf5da3 relaxed at c59be84465 my words.1193f36524519fa5

“I won’t be able to visit often, but… it’ll be fine.”a8678f73aea5ca6a

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What does he mean by “fine”?534b02370f11b06b

He was always f3dca1bd06 so ambiguous. He held 1910fe7c22 hands with bbddefc9dc Isella in 65934134e8 a political 03fdd26590 alliance yet c56106d062 acted as afea7465cd if he 0ed92efbcc truly loved 2c91d3f7de me.ac0884993aa3798a

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No matter how 84dbd03701 kindly he behaved, 105dab9b11 the fact that 09e9102b24 he excluded me 973af4a05c from all events 7c273afd1f and broke my 12c5dc17cd trust remained.fec80d47a47685eb

Looking into 8a2e7e7b84 his blue 12381da095 eyes made f33355b054 my eyes ce457dbb45 ache, just 84e89e434e like in 6dfdfb93a3 the carriage. His face b4dc43398e was so a5233f83d7 close it b30453b5dc was hard 7cb0f11b2c to look 8854d5db24 away.583ab6fa95f40d74

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I closed my 0ff3968144 eyes. He came so a5b185d4ec close as if 208de1d716 to capture even 7288a90edd my eyelashes, gently d53e75fad3 cupping my face. His touch was 1c0b7c0e52 soft and tender, feca91a032 unlike the man af1a4e2ccf who had driven 2f3fc371f7 me to the c1fd6c8e3a separate residence.a8251b9a33c74f0f

And I didn’t seem like someone who hated him either. My heart still raced uncontrollably at his gaze and touch.83583d8bfaf6b9d3

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I tried to 9ac07777d6 calm my racing 35869a9bdf heart.0ebcacb989a718c9

Those eyes deceived me, 40f52acac7 and the arms around 3743a3e05c my shoulders had pushed 3c53fba726 me away and betrayed 77f3df1824 me.9d0ab58b49e69cef

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I had many reasons a3b5b05b04 to push him away. His cruelty in treating 752ea5785c me like a blood b6ef503039 bag, his merciless killings 9bdf3835ed in the war. Yet, I f9ed8ad58d always softened c4888a4af0 in front c6441377f4 of him.313fe8d82d017442

* * *4c17f038781ed77d

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I went to the 71c41329b0 garden behind the mansion. The birdcage I had 669757bc5e hung was still there, e1154c0df5 suspended from the tree 5cbb4c7b35 branch.2261cb031b1b6346

I should 28e6f953fb have come 66ef537e30 straight here 7a21f46b25 as soon 23bc89dbc2 as I ccf026e04a arrived. I felt guilty 946d7aafad toward the bird.d79bd1b62f98e8cb

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I saw the 625675f4d8 bird curled up 687d267218 inside the nest.fb51fce449ee2b1e

Tweet.2b66e954af815d34

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It chirped softly, e9057e32a7 seeming happy to c3da50443d sense my presence, b60f3572a6 and poked its f8ba28dca5 head out.d9003519a8019cb2

When I carefully extended 2f5094c98e my finger into the 5cd7b4a0ea cage, it rubbed its 646ca1472c feathers against my nail.81cc5cd21896599b

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“What…”48a4dba74e11fddf

I tried to remain composed, but a sound escaped my lips. Even though I made a noise, the bird didn’t back away and met my gaze.47f926480166bfa3

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The bird seemed 549efea16a perfectly healthy.dae72255831227bb

In fact, it c3b45b177c looked plumper than 37110cd005 before.60a6b91e9481e4a6

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Most noticeably, its fd0c9e007d feather color had 7f508200d1 changed. It used to have 0f3b704fa0 a greenish hue, but c1244f5319 after molting, the tips c766b9140c now had a pinkish 89f1488759 tint. New feathers had sprouted 85eb1ff1c7 on its head.10fbe21ce52f0a65

When I touched its face with my index finger, the bird bowed its head again. I thought it looked chubby because it hadn’t finished molting, but as I petted it, I realized that wasn’t the case.c752932617bd0140

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It wasn’t just covered in feathers… the bird had definitely gained weight.94fd9f869f1c5c40

It was chubby. It had always 0957775e05 been unable to fa28b5b5ee leave the nest, 4039b795de but now it 04d2816e7a seemed too heavy 986046ce84 to fly. Its body appeared larger 7dd8d10a15 than its wings.bf7a60de79f77f73

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Oh my.aacac8aae23a760f

When I 8207f136a6 brushed its 2ff70cdbf6 feathers the b6e2f7da4a opposite way, 9ef6ee2bd0 bare skin 63b177d075 without feathers bbdea41e7f was revealed.4d1d0ebf91855ded

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The leg that 8e163ef777 looked like it 34b1e117ef was caught in 781ea90a7a a trap seemed f751502050 fine. A tiny ribbon c09e70246c was tied to 3cad2878f3 the end of cd64167234 its twig-like, yellow-brown 9bc25893e9 leg. It looked like 1820ce4d90 someone had tied 1f9f2439fa a piece of 477aaaff83 scrap fabric around 5868a90397 it.157370cd8548766d

The bird balanced itself e5f016c313 and walked around, the 1c4d4fd6b9 ribbon not seeming too 2cee29b0d0 heavy for it.6bf02d6da336c11a

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I had been 4848ebf234 deceived.cf7f91513486faf0

Even from a distance, I had guessed as much, but seeing the bird’s condition up close confirmed it. Deon’s claim that the bird was wasting away was a lie. It had been a ploy to get me into the carriage.3d218c3e08c05b3d

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And I think 8ab5a8e9e6 I knew why 1696896033 the bird had 51a6a73a80 become so plump.a0c32e0d2126c34b

In the feeding tray, 93b99d11f7 instead of the usual a9ab0d38fd grains, there were wriggling f9dd72f3d0 worms, which I used 0b2ac84419 to give as a 97e1fd0917 special treat one at 4513bba7bd a time. They were alive, 2fd0e6f734 indicating they had 75a7a90389 been placed there 5c68b5f2ca not long ago.b3c994d4bfff37d7

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The tray 088b2bd992 was overflowing aa8ecded61 with worms, f93990fa92 so much c32339f8d8 so that f115dacd17 they were c412369287 trying to 5ad84e5afa escape by c2222e1481 climbing over 6f34c76d1b each other 3e22d45d15 and raising 6f4a7727ec their heads.5d45fd04f2c40ef5

Some worms had already 6cebe58559 escaped, falling to the e84c00857f floor or getting stuck 21c40160b4 in the gaps around 3fdb2becc2 the cage and dying.fa538700f9d7e024

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I stared blankly de1f94a20e at the worms cececd0d37 scattered all around. The bird 0227df0382 had already 6f6a614354 eaten its adcae9e910 fill and 41eb3a9e81 turned its 238487da55 head away 09774e9255 even when 352af127ef a worm 0a04460e3c crawled next f85d967730 to its b8df2bf1b3 beak.f76aad16afca4508

I used to carefully give one or two living worms with tweezers each day. The maids should have known this. Who had carelessly overfed the bird? Better than not feeding it at all, but still…2ed858094e7b0649

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The hand that 3bf9412173 had touched the 5576b5cab8 feeding tray was 9e586a4c75 clumsy, belonging to 1d09079095 someone who had dbeaeab938 never raised a 1fd86aa6c5 bird before.6643769a57c1506c

“What do you think of the bird?”c5dff6efe5c359f8

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Deon, who had followed 848d6e1e85 me to the garden, 486099afe1 spoke. I frowned and 43339cb1bc looked at him.38f228a909d75211

“You said it was starving.”0a196e168ab66f94

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I asked, 373cba4566 incredulous, and ab918dc0c1 he tilted ea4082b1cf his head.2fa55bb6008a6b5f

“It is starving.”807bd3e68f5ad646

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“Where?”4e651b187a13d265

“Look. It’s not eating.”3f8ea8e3835742c3

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He picked 8b7703331e up a d354c43282 worm with 83624a31ad his finger 44a0b6eebd and waved d34b424d6e it in a5d2b72735 front of 8a12f3af94 the bird. The bird tilted its a396d62d4d head and backed away.36fbdcc3dddf6279

It circled the dc32c1c56a tree leisurely before c9e5d084d8 returning to its 35422f5371 cage.31ae6cdd7639827a

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When he continued to poke the bird with the worm, it turned its head away, annoyed, and even pecked at his finger. Despite being pecked, he didn’t harm the bird and withdrew his hand.7d8452a0913d8da8

“It’s not eating because it’s full.”260a3fda34a6865e

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Deon knew 82cd46e61f nothing about e08e4f1a7a birds. I tried to 2e2cbdea21 explain slowly, but e061302c4e my tone inevitably f9bab0d97d sounded reproachful.e98ea9e1b9d04337

“Full?”c1cee5c6a4269d67

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He placed the 55c8ae603d worm in the b327c99433 cage and dusted 2d1412cf35 off his hands.519cf8b74d8c52cb

“It can’t be full. It’s still so small.”f4c470bf96f0374e

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Did he think this c84e51ad0a bird would grow as c4298597c6 big as an eagle?f29a574a5949b8b0

When Suren and f806d42869 I occasionally strolled f544c8a615 through the capital, 9b6266347b we saw birds 8d5cfbe8d4 used as messenger ad3c554891 pigeons in shops.50c335f435577cb1

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The birds were ff9868fe05 trained smartly, sometimes 46f166f2c4 even performing tricks 845f7c231e like opening their 66bcc1d746 own cages. They entertained 3e8ba61c61 their owners 27bf91efa5 and sometimes 1b0647713c even solved db5c85ee67 puzzles. Suren and I e531eaa75e had stood in 74880c8d9f awe, watching those 1b7b69f6d2 birds at the 6bf3e7e8ea shop.c3c1856c33a093f9

Those birds 9ef4559f93 were much 42e48a076e smaller than 21a0b6d466 eagles but 503bd5d292 certainly not 0c26c59be9 as tiny 4f7fbf46c5 as Mochia. Shops didn’t sell c6707d0e8c birds as small 04194ac041 as Mochia.74a08c82fcb6009b

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Mochia was too fragile 0aec1b649f and small to be d581f531dc used as a messenger 005adbebbf pigeon. It probably d48d51caf5 couldn’t even c37f49489e fly with 45594b6e8a a letter 4f33637c4f tied to 9797b7d310 it. A strong wind 7bf8daddc2 would likely blow 2977b9fca0 it off course, 70dae7b1ee and it might 37bf52f30f fall.e3fbef390d6b401a

It seemed a073c9633a lighter than 0b9ac5f7ab paper. It probably wouldn’t 263f2a74da be able to f5260f0b05 spread its wings 8dca4b8fc8 properly and would be3e26633c fall soon after bdbb4a6398 takeoff. Even if 348ee7e260 it did e497e8b92b manage to ca85c0f168 fly, it 0aa4189b86 might end e05703aae0 up as 356212ce36 prey for f85bdff6f5 other wild 854b4344ae animals.e8e7c83edc53b438

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“This bird should only grow to fit in this cage. Never use it for any other purpose. If you’re thinking of using it as a messenger pigeon, forget about it.”e9ab6fe3bcb6e58b

 fbdb6c5b97dc5c63

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