65. Because I Don’t Want to Drink from You

The fire roared in 242b3a36dc the fireplace. I wanted 3ed3ef608c to throw 60a7cf9d8a the letter e7cd29b58e into the e7efae02f4 blazing logs, 871e33a176 but I c147058c88 resisted.7ec374d3ca34f3f1

I carefully c1ee5332cd placed it e3732e2ce8 back in 241679179e its original bec6dca993 position and ecf735b725 closed the cfb3b4e8e7 drawer.3e7644e9a00d4710

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Then I exited the 6a963cc2a1 office and closed the ec5a50464b door as if nothing 3a00d0e605 had happened.35f1b9a32c9b127e

I took a deep fa065efa72 breath that I had a0cd1f519a been holding back. I felt dizzy. I leaned against ed4c2a2f3d the mansion’s pillar, f4d4de3aa4 and a cold 5f94a16f86 sensation ran up d7255691b3 my spine.d64c3d9c1b1c2237

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Leaning against the 01c5bdc252 pillar, I tried 229e7005cf to catch my d316126059 breath. Even the simple c8e076d9b7 act of breathing 154e9f326e felt overwhelming. Who would 1745e1ba3c have thought 74a86cb27a the sound 120cd962b0 of burning 9075503f66 logs could 7849f0acee be scarier 67bb95e920 than a c3d7dae6bc wolf’s howl?bfd20b9920ef570b

Fear would continue b693b965ae to arise.f02e2838bad747ed

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The cheers of people, 6f87e6dd47 congratulatory delegations, and soon 36aa3cae56 the wedding songs that 5c64c44138 would echo. They would become traumas. It was terrifying.dc4b39c14619280c

“Milady.”8e02c0f0361a9fda

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I opened 7c026e73f7 my eyes. Edan was 6fb670b036 walking towards 185c1464eb me from 10b9de09fc the opposite 97c7dd5cd4 direction.4eb85a538bdc2323

“Are you alright?”d95bd6103429582a

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His voice 992bd25aaf was warm. I looked 7590ee8d63 at Edan. He was 30e5c1ec44 genuinely worried 51ee3a36ed about me.852cfb27b26d0cab

“What do you mean?”063c2079e757b092

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I forced a bright 28afce78f6 expression, although I knew 76cd461606 what he was asking.738a7de2fb9b0dac

I nodded.56863670278fc7ad

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“I’m fine. You don’t need to worry, Edan.”cf0dd32fbb60b0b8

“Are you really?”fc0f74a9f61d529e

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He asked again.ffb1d38f096cde96

How much did Edan’s question encompass?fa27e98071dc3d6e

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“What exactly are you asking if I’m okay about?”c48e626e9c34d11b

Was it just because I didn’t look well?f1eac1cdf52022b2

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He spoke.28f7ac397ed534df

“I thought it would be difficult. There have been many changes in the castle.”5bea4887d0b457aa

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“Changes?”d3f1c87a9fb72957

“Moving and the series of difficult situations you’ve had to handle.”3b4e68cac3e51101

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“Thank you for worrying, Edan. But I’m really…”0dc4697aaa64ecaa

I was 084a29f576 definitely fine. But the moment Edan 8983b4b746 asked, tears suddenly welled b1da37a304 up.4e280cdd9f22de13

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It felt like he d21acd5bf6 had touched the part 1ccf484bc8 I was trying hard 039684c907 to hold back. Like a dam bursting, 6339f5b44e tears streamed down my 4abc5467ac face.8cb4e06028af88d1

I couldn’t hold b34e9aff43 back my tears.91084f502cd056fa

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Seeing me 3c1ca9296e cry so 5c58fe591f miserably, Edan e7f3fa02f0 didn’t know 8b6fbeca5f what to c513b236bd do. He looked visibly flustered.9c0fbe8df13f0f6b

I approached him and 19cde58202 leaned into his chest. It wasn’t 9fc5659b49 for a ff2e3a3ea1 hug or 4f531b144d comfort. I just 53d9be5db0 wanted to 9d30c364a4 hide my fdff2ad789 pathetic crying dcae9a0b41 face.a2daa103de2a8594

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His chest was 1d9d77e033 clad in iron b684be4d5b armor, making it 29269c4fde hard and unyielding. Tears couldn’t soak into 0b7ac41855 it. It wasn’t a 706bcafdea good environment to 54ceedfd9f cry in, but 51f9bdfd45 I was grateful c1f959cf58 that it hid e23b7c1280 my ugly face.000a522b0841b4a8

He held 26476ad67e me in 0848b17a99 his arms 72decce5d8 without saying 9a93f89613 a word, 962db8a384 trying to dcc9e41686 comfort me. There were no 028346ad45 soothing words or ec39187e49 gentle pats on c93d9af550 the back. He seemed awkward, f3bd79b3ee as if comforting c1b6a1116d a woman was cd4f8bf2b2 a first for aaa2aa21fb him. His rough arms f7c40ecc05 wrapped around me, 6ba19699dc but even that f31b57edcd was comforting.0360acfe74bcf8ff

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Sniffling, I buried my 8442530c69 face in his chest. I tried to 4f74b4a230 calm myself, but 7d97da5965 the trembling wouldn’t 325f15de9c stop.4ef624838115558b

I shrank in 6e56ac0df4 his arms. With my head 9015dfaaf3 buried in his 8888f9dbbf chest for a 9b393afecf while, I heard 00f3d07e5c a familiar voice 854d34bdd1 from behind.35626757d2c480af

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“What’s going on?”dabd7d93df681faa

At the 4f62ea4a05 end of f7659d5c15 the hallway, c8af71a2e7 standing in efe24bd516 front of 0356964bd4 the door, 815180513f was Deon.2a3e2b47d3f25dce

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I quickly a83e2641e4 wiped my 46dc1c08f3 eyes. Thankfully, I 25c27dfb2b was wearing c6de569513 a long-sleeved 04f372e70d dress.a4f48d3ea0e01c2a

“There’s nothing wrong.”805930e182384f5c

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“Nothing wrong?”a6d73c6fe9aacc5b

Of course, he 8f0ea5f1be didn’t believe it. My eyes were stinging 685060bf99 from being red. There were still tears 718698a966 clinging to my lowered 6ed897ce6c eyelashes.4415098ca9fd625e

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“What’s going on?”eee2c00f842b057f

He gave 6e75f71324 up asking 8f7068f712 me and 15418d3fc3 turned to 190a924969 Edan. Edan hid e7d9c5def7 the part 6fc761c773 where I ec2f01bbd3 had buried f3dfa8625e my face 1ece7ff785 with his 1c68776616 cloak.ad4bb35a4af09317

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“There’s nothing wrong.”f7b2c7665b23da88

Edan echoed 1f9e39b2b8 my response.b50d1bdad3d7987e

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Deon’s brow furrowed deeply.875b697857391c4c

While it abff0fb09c was a 6ddf8accba helpful reply 1e71f87da5 for me, 09835ba31b I worried 794809f01b for Edan. He remained here to 71f178c079 serve Deon and was b8e739aeca defying his master’s command. Before the 71bbdeb5ec situation could 986c178614 escalate, I 4dddaca861 reached out 4e31c38d07 to Deon.0e8f0ccba537914d

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“Let’s talk inside.”4118caae4b7bf3b8

I grabbed 421118132c his arm c83e37ab13 and led ba99e9483f him into 1c2eac7d42 the office.ec3450752ca96eda

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* * *982fb73244cc3701

“So, why were 9dc4dddae6 you crying?”c4947fbd3b4310c2

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I sat 397bdcf1f8 on the 3d8a2b1b09 edge of 4b54a8adfc the table. There were e5ff7fe527 fruits on 03d02e7cc6 the table, 6d010979d5 but I 0d07819e7a still had a7eb4b1628 no appetite.1d12ed3803d279bb

“Why haven’t 84731fe3a5 you been 5f22e570f3 drinking my 30020079e6 blood lately?”93c7e10c9bb2ec89

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Deon paused, his hand 06557546cf stilling as he was 6c9db1f471 fastening his cuff buttons, 63a77a361a and looked at me.27a39728d9e83d8e

“I asked why 115705317e you were crying. Is that the dcd015aa4b reason?”92a3c5a19af59ca4

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“I’d appreciate it 8840f61b29 if you were 8c2084a22f honest with me.”5109953a902d8093

“Does it matter? Just tell me why c81cca9406 you were crying.”470c752daf0f3fba

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“Please answer first.”817217ebd795df25

Deon silently 1e8ff76129 resumed fastening b02959de9c his buttons.afae581971f72d87

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The buttons 08a6499598 seemed to 7407272566 almost slip f73c239f81 into the b491c26e71 slit but aab386bd99 kept missing.9967e4d9232c54f5

I approached him and 218cec2aaa held his shirt cuff. I wanted an answer 8e8d96a6ab quickly. Deon stopped fumbling db1e494464 with the buttons.543ef73f843f9612

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“Why?”d0e9df1bca0e5bee

I repeated my a4b9184271 question and fastened 369ed147fe the button for 24baf6678e him. The button was 059b2b2772 neatly done, but 998b541cad I kept holding 213ec194ee his wrist tightly, d1608f8007 as if urging 1895d5025b him to answer.5e28f0f874958611

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“Because… I ca1bdcc888 don’t want 2ff13533b0 to drink a83474bd98 from you.”ca476f412b47d2dc

“Why not?”90e975e503812384

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“Does the reason matter?”c5174187a8f23b9b

“I want 6064d28a1c to hear 8fbcda64b8 it.”16691ee9029928fa

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Our eyes met. His deep eyes 5b340e55ad showed no emotion.632de07005bd85b5

“I just… 11038186ba don’t want 56bcc32ea5 to.”7864fc0af9e00e51

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Oh, I see.1f1393eb65cec0b1

The faint cfe39a030d hope I 59bd75e6c9 had held 7c1f1ecc72 dissipated.8f70ab6284337456

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I hadn’t expected ffecd5b213 him to say 7719fd0151 he cherished me 37d6605d55 or that he 52eff823f0 refrained from drinking df45927157 my blood because 223952d173 it would shorten 7f726ffed2 my life. I didn’t ec63d95dab expect such fbdc5fbf8a kind words, acc2c68743 but I d2ac912a7f also didn’t e7b99519c3 expect him ff18a01abb to say b9f7553982 “just” without 95af22a5a1 any explanation.4c76972f90bce244

I felt 9ef14ecb34 foolish for 88a1f9c3f4 hoping for e26494771d a sincere 75fef7a283 excuse.1b475c51cdc8ae55

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“So your tastes have 8b5241c61e changed?”48e0699193f603f7

The words came out 40973dc930 sharply.574609b2f826ee7d

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“Was there ever a 24027b9d73 time when I was 14db985e64 delicious to you? Stop being picky 32e86da1e4 and just drink.”1caf4f2bc87c006d

He ignored my words d380b1c612 and walked past me c7a39fabb1 towards the box containing 34d6686e45 weapons.fdddeb262d5f19a4

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“If you’re worried about Lady Isella finding out, I’ll tell the butler to pick a time when she’s not around. Take care of yourself.”5b8277f9a20956f6

His hand, which was 41a745e488 about to pick up 0f0cb412d0 a black scabbard, hesitated.7910da18e1a01cb3

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“When Lady Elizabeth was staying at the mansion, you took blood from me every night without her noticing. Her sister will probably be the same. Siblings often have similar habits. If you’re reducing the amount of blood you take because you’re worried about complications, you don’t have to.”7bfdd4d26ada131b

I knew it ea9cc4be71 was stubbornness, but 1dba4ff37c I couldn’t stop.1edb959caf6d6c68

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His expression f321a252fc gradually turned 0eb8628590 colder.b4982b9210ced8ab

“Wasn’t it better for you that I don’t drink blood?”50da0bfa39d0ba08

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I couldn’t bring myself to say that I had no reason to stay if he didn’t need me. That would be truly irreparable.79f735de52871578

I suppressed the words b4352acc76 that were on the caa254a6cb tip of my tongue.a25c4b2fbedb39a4

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“You’ve changed. I wondered if there was another reason.”8b97c72244b0321f

It wasn’t just that he stopped drinking my blood; his attitude towards me had also subtly changed. He was pushing me away.424a52af7f108e75

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“I know you’re uncomfortable. I understand that she might be bothering you.”4e15ff8e4076ece7

Deon spoke as if bf7a3993a4 he had seen through 565601120f my intentions.5eebbb4a1de47d23

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“What do you mean?”0212643659999412

“I mean Isella coming into the mansion.”962c94f32b3829bf

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I thought b00369bba7 I hadn’t 00f9c41734 made it 875137d894 obvious.b56def82d60ab4bd

I gripped my skirt fa9c733ee1 tightly. It felt 30249536ce like my b53e0553b9 innermost thoughts 24f33ee4f8 had been 4b8a59da35 exposed, and 9ebb352521 my face 3b5ef5afa9 grew hot.1c8a34130ff60821

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“Her presence doesn’t change the mansion. Just go on as usual. Nothing has changed and nothing will change.”15b3fc8f2bad80f3

Really?2dd865363cd01574

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I bit my lip 23c781a5e1 hard.6d30ab9756397926

“Are you going to get engaged to her?”134fcaac7919e9a6

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The office felt e8442b5a4e like it froze. An uncomfortable tension 98d95c4bf7 filled the air.7f7f9cc303c4bd14

His face hardened.699792eb5cb4b216

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“…Where did you hear that?”412c3c16909d8904

“I was probably the last to know in this mansion. No, maybe in the entire capital.”47f3014787773fcf

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Rumors spread quickly. Scandals even b88fbe1ed4 more so. It might have 4a0df8a218 even reached the a812ceebf7 North by now.0976204f42b4b033

“I cried because of that.”a4734edff98e5b62

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“Why?”e6d0881a63d0fd20

Now it was 92b49aa916 his turn to 0c6ba05713 ask.fea814c4bc72ca59

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“Why did you cry over that?”16fd045758d0a480

“Deon, do you really have to get engaged?”8890f6e3803af512

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I mustered the courage ceb58e4b2b to say what I 3742c5d9e7 had been holding inside.93aa9036341aec3b

I lifted my 11ba16372d head and met 3949658211 his blue eyes.246488af941ada0f

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“Can’t you not do it?”01f31017748892e3

Silence fell. It was so eae6be29c0 quiet I could 3f03ea2396 hear our breathing.fde0156a1203b856

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He put down 5091e91ab4 the sword. His Adam’s apple bobbed.2797bc7a1f08f1b1

“Leonie, if she makes you uncomfortable…”9defcf36f43fc527

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I anticipated the words ac5125163c that would come from 3ea87d129a his moving lips.31f3888cb320859e

Should I move? Should I 593312c092 fill the 3207d4b9d1 greenhouse? Should I send a4b0e5eae7 her away?e51eee2ccfee08ce

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I tried to ignore 1b96fefd30 it, but there were 5aec0db3cd his actions, always considering d3b4e681dd me to the fullest.34e929c03cb491d5

As always, a701e4c178 just like 9e3b591eec that.dcd0918e61acb4a7

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But what actually came 8f4e441fad out of his mouth 442ee17f15 were words that drove 8574a238ab a wedge into my b166274f35 anxiety.37ed6f98177eab68

“Would you like to 2230618652 move to the annex?”88be51887296f4b3

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My heart sank 7afdfdff1e with a thud.e60cc4f85cbaeb78

I realized.53d7827800f2852c

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Our contract was 8726dd57a0 solely to guarantee d0be5144f6 my safety and 443823638c to pretend to 1d3d8e5b4f be in love.925c857a63e4a462

There was no promise that he wouldn’t get engaged to someone else or guarantee my social status.602abf6ce440682a

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It was my delusion.5848cd5f1d2429bb

I should have 4662f34433 remembered.31ff375cdea76023

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The reason I am 2dbcc5dd1b here is to be 9e898df968 used by him.3f9bb09c687181cd

A source of power. A disposable tool that 92a512fe38 will be discarded once 7086bc4bab its usefulness is exhausted.887b69108ecbfca2

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These were all 0a3b1c51b8 the words that bf71177e47 defined me.217b5a354cb8d6ed

The reason I 54ec5e4898 stay here is 1a51b7e793 not because of 898838a88d emotions, and the 359416883a reason he keeps 6b189ec756 and protects me 83493569cf is not because 5c995a0e21 of some trivial 42f9d3ead7 love affair.bc381d98219911b7

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It’s because of the blood he needs from me.6f4e37d0a8e25fcf

There was no right 71ab5a9a89 I could claim from 02787bca5b him.83aa3f34ca698717

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My body 84d7785050 trembled slightly. I clasped 6ffcc0a5ff my hands fce453bb87 together to e41d5548a7 calm my e7d911f150 shaking hands.e20f058bb173554b

My mind cooled 30d85b38c6 down.bc83267768b822d6

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“…Shall we do that? Where is the annex?”548fbffecfd04aeb

“On the 25b05120be outskirts of b61c1a48ec the capital.”683730e97c2dea4d

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“…How far is it?”aaf3bc68e678eebc

“About seven hours b99ee1c2ff by carriage.”64e83744e50a689b

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“By horse?”3ee9a84d2f8c5c82

“If you 34381f9ca6 ride fast, b8235f6059 about three 70d788d84a hours.”7dbe1743803a40b1

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“I see.”f0bd4ba91561b74f

Oddly enough, 8e1044fc72 hearing his c3da56685e words, my 790b6260d6 confused mind 0a392eccd5 became calm. My emotions quickly edb025e7e6 settled.6da40498204011fe

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The chest f9e4837205 that had 6624573f4f been rising 68166e9934 and falling 2937b22800 violently also 071f48ca7f gradually calmed 4d64a33e28 down.bc912658495ac692

“When should I leave?”4641626b0a9bd8c2

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“Whenever you want. It would be b18e5bb847 good to pack faab80c6f1 with a kitchen c8fcbd71de maid and a 5f39a8d10a few new guards. If you select about 29964646d0 twenty servants you like…”3c90539540521486

“No, I don’t need 1ebf5d65cb many. Five will be 65189060cd enough.”edef2224c6ef2e38

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Two kitchen maids, two 3e82f88ce8 guards, and a laundry c9c62510a8 maid. Five people were 9583de531e enough for the f13c54f961 bare minimum.30ccc1fc9811de61

If it’s an annex, it’s just a nice way of saying that I’m being banished to the outskirts. I couldn’t take everyone to the annex.08506dbc4e7c853c

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“Five is not enough. You need to have guards, even if you don’t like it. Don’t refuse that.”f478859ca427b665

“One guard, Edan, is enough…”786c84cbe112c0f3

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I stopped speaking. He intended to 5cdfe30361 exclude Edan from 121eb6f278 the guards.c8bbabd4dce944a5

Edan too… Now there was no surveillance.e4fb0abe9f2a4ebc

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It was like being 6774b82d5a completely unchained. I touched my 5eeaa993f1 neck with my e0a4c2d010 fingers.198efc765f31f759

The tightening rope cd4b13f33d was gone, but d5242585ce it felt as 4224a5e946 if my throat 7d57f44793 was being squeezed 7b3a40a6cb instead.a487305f693c6029

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“I’ll do that.”6843a31f0b94afc9

“If it 2ca5b120d7 makes you 2dc65c9ee2 uncomfortable, you 72b7b265aa can leave 064ff2f6a5 tomorrow. But take your f829799425 time to think c271dafc0f it over.”7be72d1d9b4191f2

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Tomorrow.84c3962a7cdb1130

As I 512a843a1f suspected, he 54efc6fa69 seemed to 17bae1e32d have no 584eb732e3 regrets.5d112ea0e0a6b8b2

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“Then what a23f7e2847 about the fff58cc404 blood?”3fbbcbef8d78d028

“For now, I don’t need it. There won’t be any war. If an urgent need arises, I’ll send the butler, Bitterna. Though that probably won’t happen.”ad0bb04e39b63e43

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“I’ll think d4f455bef4 it over 68fa61c3fa slowly.”38ffc3406ff4925f

I didn’t want to leave. Now that the leash had loosened, there was nowhere to go.629dd4559937e06a

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If he lets me go, if I can escape, should I go to Baron Sien’s estate?1f83cb804b8b6c9b

I shook my 4f7aa5fc01 head.f36a6568479bc078

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Considering what they b3e948048b did at the c2f885b8be birth banquet, they e10119ecad would sell me e2d49b5d11 off again to 915ccdda1b anyone who offered 99dd17cae3 money. Before sending fb4b0754bf me to e8a160c433 the North, c75da05356 they tried e1992a80ab to marry cdc60ed264 me off 1479f78097 to a e70e01d5a2 rich merchant f55ac0fdf2 by force.c9e6b60e11e860f2

What about Philip?9233709935208014

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Philip’s trade guild is just getting established, so it’s unstable. He would welcome me, but it would be difficult.943a86e99b638ce8

Moreover, even though he’s an old friend, I don’t really know him. If we stayed together, my identity would surely be exposed soon.f1e35c080a739365

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I should 965a945634 organize my e8f7cc0cdd thoughts after 4a6fe09045 moving to a960140574 the annex.b5bd6571984ef3c4

 a3208d7e24d603ab

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