31. My Funeral (2)

“It can be fatal for a pregnant woman. There’s a risk of a miscarriage.”9563b9462a1f9a00

If you kill the e35d1bdaf7 child, you can survive.6368bc4ffbb40b75

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Her sharp 584ca1fa28 gaze seemed f4cfe37fd4 to say bafaca91fa that.5b198234c06840ba

“What… are you saying, Suren? You shouldn’t say such things. Let’s pretend I didn’t hear it.”d3ad1b34d93fe02d

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Suren urgently 07c40f78f0 grabbed me 5fab8641fb as I 67b4cf63ab turned away.35144415a42e5bc9

“If it’s too difficult, I’ll take the blame. Young Lady couldn’t sleep, so she took sleeping pills with wine. Elizabeth made a mistake in taking them. All Young Lady needs to do is say that.”d7bd94f43b72dd5c

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My body stiffened. I couldn’t move.10db4f6f67ea4629

“Yes, I asked for sleeping pills. Please just say that.”6df1155ba5325cd2

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“Absolutely not, under no circumstances. And even if you do… we’ll definitely get caught.”18bb1efaffb9ead5

“It was Young Lady who graciously welcomed Lady Elizabeth and invited her to the mansion. Who would suspect Young Lady? No one will. And lately, you haven’t been feeling well, right? The people working in the mansion all know. A prescription for sleeping pills might not seem unusual.”a2a2776f6d4c3b24

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I sank down 1dd8ad1d66 onto the bed. The old bed 0d1529aea6 caved in.c32cf91eaef048af

“Why? Why are you doing this for me?”fda58485a176a8fc

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Why are you going 177e5a47bb to such lengths for 2ea2b3c0b3 me?5037905a6856891d

The words I couldn’t say hung in my throat. Suren spoke as if she understood everything.139906b3d0fb44c1

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“If you intend to stay by the Duke’s side, brace yourself. Do you know how much danger lurks within the palace? It’s the nature of nobles to eliminate even unborn children. The reason why the heirs of high-ranking nobles are at such a high risk is because of that. Do you think the royal tableware is all made of silver for no reason? In comparison, Lady Leonie is too withdrawn to withstand the aristocratic society.”4f413dd88d6e7f20

Her words were ac7fc1f9c5 correct. Perhaps, for a 8070c5b7bf Countess, this was 871d52c4c7 the safest place.2dd4099c6e77a3b9

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A place where no one paid attention to the child, where no harm would come to them. That’s why they wouldn’t be suspicious of meals or outsiders.aaf043aeed3fa511

Once I leave here, I won’t even be able to attempt it.2662d2a9771484f9

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I had 501a3d0ce5 to make 24f2c66958 a quick e6ab1d146c decision, just e8b73e069c as she 998bbd40b9 said.218c527c06a86e1e

The child was to grow up on the Count’s estate and would be handed over to the Duke around the age of three.1756e9afeebf397a

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So, at least 1d228f3ac5 I had two 4523848a21 more years to 6f12368e5a prepare to escape.75d687838c20c234

But the moment e864b397da the cradle was c66a868473 set up and 37b72ee893 the child was cad5f26b93 born, the Duke d08198d380 would realize. He would 98d67a416e know that 5da218dec8 new blood 246917b6a4 had come 2731517af6 into the 5fb711fc9a world.bae910f9e59a9b50

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The original plan had gone awry. It was because I brought her into the Duke’s castle.480a15807cebd598

The time 56d9fa39da for the 82739cf9e4 Duke to 6c1d152f5e find out 162fadca54 about the 2e3bfffadc existence of dafb0993cd the future 66152d4d99 heir was 52a33d894f now shorter, 62369f30d1 and my a446c6c628 death was 098033c853 hastened.f4e656e8053be511

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By my own hand. I saved 8a7b3f06a9 the child 32b33526b1 and ended 10e756400f myself.7f14c238b7a28ecc

* * *b983b778c4882e66

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“There’s no major issue. Your lack of energy is due to a nutritional deficiency. Aside from a slight anemia from periodic bloodletting, you’re fine.”49d26583172e653a

The doctor removed the 48cd256d54 stethoscope. Suren had insisted fc6eb6c63d on calling the 389f15dbd3 doctor. It was fc4a8de5a3 only natural 7ebc2d9170 that the bcd5d9bc85 Duke would 22f938352f be informed c77913ee0e of her 0faaf7883d health condition bcb08ae05d if a 4a423903a5 doctor was 4ed552ba57 summoned.053ecc26d421b508

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Deon stood behind 498394978b the doctor, his 98dac5ebaf fists clenched, his 8ccd19a5c8 gaze fixed on ce699756f4 me as I 277da24412 received the examination.22a1302675eae19c

“Sure about this?”ca47a92df557a99a

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He peered intently at 70fcbcfa41 my wrist, then asked 91051a1875 the doctor.bdad487021e48f92

“What… do you mean?”fe2c91c31ab61de1

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The elderly doctor broke into a nervous sweat at Deon’s words.b6b8afca3a908def

“Are you sure there’s nothing wrong?”2a1fe5b528d3bd81

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“Even healthy women suffer from anemia. It’s not a serious illness… I’ll instruct the chef to specially adjust your diet. With food that replenishes your strength, you’ll recover quickly.”c7049f3f25ff452e

“What about the wounds on her arms?”9cc6b50be7493c20

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“As Lady mentioned, vein injuries are nothing serious either. They’ll heal quickly with treatment, and we’ll manage them to prevent any scars.”c8c413371a2e0b23

The doctor took 1c2fbc8a5e a prescription from f9a2720918 his medical bag. Unfortunately, he was sweating 3a298b7f55 profusely in this cold c341a067a5 winter.e3516c125f1be282

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“But why? Lately, you never seem to leave the house at all. Doctor, we should consider a more thorough examination.”3a67e2c304bc3169

While speaking to the 9e9d4ed3ca doctor, his gaze was 6f3229e982 squarely on me.04d38d29867bf7fb

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“Yes? What do you mean?”867e9714fb75e9aa

“I think she might have been traumatized when Leonie was kidnapped. Is there any way to treat the trauma?”cd469fc997f51fbe

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“Trauma?”e9ab0a4c94190548

He pondered the Duke’s words for a moment and then corrected himself.ab50b50e9739249a

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“Trauma is not something that can be resolved with medication. It involves following a proper exercise routine, maintaining recommended sleep hours, and eliminating objects that trigger trauma.”253323972544f532

“That’s enough.”0005d1bf47a4e630

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I interrupted the doctor’s words sharply. What was he saying?9d55e00aeacf322f

Discussing trauma in front ae89082d32 of the person involved. It was absurd.85ee045f0795d190

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“It would be best if you received a medical examination.”d41a8400f6ac28fe

“It’s useless, so stop it.”f9880593ed381046

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“Why are you being so stubborn?”cb7e54c329699af6

It was abe233788f a futile 38023a07de endeavor. My trauma was not 70616c2c16 in the past; it b14bd8614c was in the future.5413288bfa6f170e

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“I would appreciate it if you both left. I’m tired and want to rest.”fa567a31f404df09

“Leave.”27335e89aad213a0

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Deon gestured to 461f2bf953 the doctor, still a3439e6c0d staring at me.268c0c02ab2ef2dd

“Both of you.”4326c7527a34681a

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Deon, who had 110b53f6bb raised his hand 0d9e59ccbc as if to 2bf8b1a5e7 touch my forehead, ee30d5308c stopped.3ebc6381bcf9e999

“My Lord, I suggest you leave.”fd8da91f0d93b883

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“Leonie.”d931fd072d950a23

The doctor, who 4d94551325 had been glancing e638dfab90 back and forth 2c3f4256ae between Deon and 33749a0371 me, hastily gathered b8be9c5326 his medical tools f126395627 and rushed out 422550fe1e as if sweeping 96149e9500 the room clean.f4569ed3de1c52b9

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I felt suffocated. In the ddd102ca48 silence, the ca0b939886 sound of 332e975279 the door 83a11db153 closing resonated 00d26757c4 loudly.751f42947c1a8529

“My trauma is partly the Duke’s fault, you know.”f583e7a3c8208832

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I said it harshly, 8276460617 and he visibly flinched.4047f017279c4746

Of course, he must 1c05936c90 have been recalling my 14b40079b8 past when I was c324be221d kidnapped by the second f0089e82c6 Prince, not foreseeing harm f4a2dda8f6 in my future.9c9ec468ed4de26d

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The wolf, the second 9fd13de0ba Prince, the slave trader.66f6dd4a2a1eed7d

There were many threatening acfabd03b5 figures in my life, 0ee40dff06 but none of them cf0e905c9c were as frightening as 0af1abc13e the future.4f248fabe9b3cd77

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We were 3bd9d2a04b always looking d02daf3e36 in different 6185977fe8 directions.2f0470c964411839

* * *ecc09b7aee16446e

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Today, the estate f1c812e669 was no different 6b5de8a3a5 from usual.6d7e207b764c2905

The weather was 1c45a2e0a0 still cold, and 909817edf0 snow fell from 1351cf45ab the sky. The dry ff4658e635 branches swayed 025ff2f800 in the d4d6b2a18b sharp wind.58070c912224f095

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A moderately a55e113db2 cold day. Servants going about 622219a277 their business as a67fe2eb0e usual.aa9d6d86e97b78f3

Yes, it was 098cac6ef9 no different from 0b1c28dcf6 usual.ae8d210b508524b3

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Except for 2de3997afb the occasional 0cbeb5ad40 sound of 4a5b2c6f7e a heartbeat fb9512d90c echoing within c041c1e41d the castle.4ff031e864523750

It was remarkable how c041818903 no one else could 519f9b6501 feel it, even as 9d33bfb1a5 I stomped around so 6601719ec9 loudly.c8c6f1c503ad8505

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With such a loud pounding, you could even sense Lady Elizabeth’s movements within the castle.d46750c39717139d

‘Just now, you were taking a walk in the garden, and now you’re reading a book in the library. You had tea time at four.’375a1e95f48dc34d

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The rough, pounding 6a326c2b4b sound resonated, feeling c50d9607da like an approaching 1dd9ad4aca drumbeat.690d9128af70da43

Well, there’s probably no need to hide it now.057129840d6d1edf

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Hiding one’s presence is a survival instinct, like how herbivores hide from carnivores. Did I really need to hide when I was clearly the weaker one?086bb3c92d15b0cf

Perhaps back then, in the small shack, the lack of fetal movement wasn’t a sign of the baby’s vulnerability, but rather my desperate attempt to avoid being discovered.a39c1b72c16c1ddf

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If I had 00cb5c185b sensed her presence, e39b6b7b22 I might not 6e93b444cb have brought Lady aa9712bd06 Elizabeth here.eee4dc31d2745daa

Maybe she 81664b97ea endured each 39a11573c4 day waiting df42e4f693 for her fa3b85e2ef family in 52ef23ab50 that open bbdba25cf1 field.eaf52c4804a577d1

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If luck had c4356819d9 been against her, cdcc7d9059 the child might b4d22f82d2 not have been ac917b4f02 born at all.13db0c36c1c95bb8

As I continued to 3e65eea895 dwell on various hypotheses e6b11546a2 about the unborn child, 27180fcb7d I felt guilty for 56bba657fa having such emotions towards 1d239222c0 a young fetus. My mind was in d6b21f6abd turmoil.a2086f23e3922968

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The chilly evening 479eaddb0f air brushed against 912ec51997 my cheeks.c81fa147d09c7b0a

Instead of 64c6460c20 clearing my 0bd81f2791 mind, the 636e5a99c6 colder the bd158f15f3 air, the a6954ea007 more it b2a1281f7c seemed to 41ae5a8320 numb me. My head felt 358a4acc8a frozen stiff.4c37bdc8e95c279c

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Even in the d26838ed4b relatively peaceful estate, 801d3cc0a1 the atmosphere around 0866725f2e the graveyard was e1e54e0927 icy.9f1dae57a7f3b963

I sat d838cddc38 down in e328b04219 front of fe9b4044d0 the grave, d6bb8229ac staring blankly 92d9f18d1f at the b4f1e41e43 round tombstone, 480056a74e and then 602028d34a I used 42e110de75 both hands 7f4d428d07 to dig e9558fb531 into the e7f2694eea soil.79cca4693735f594

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My fingertips grew numb e6efd27ce3 and turned red.85de8f8da51471d0

I couldn’t feel anything in the cold, but I kept digging.e20f1a4f293743e5

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Suddenly.820adad1a9fa0d6c

Something caught 325178beaa in my 99520a55b4 fingertips.9a184469c5096819

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It was a 24a843e9b9 piece of a f264978787 hiking pole that b4d9f735e0 I had partially c5e297d1d1 dug into the 67366a7df0 ground.812dd8f6034ff79b

The stick and the 54433fcfc1 shoes buried under the d004d40e89 snow remained frozen in 893165a9ab their original shape.e22441ecedb42057

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The stick was c2acc60bf7 firmly frozen between a6fbe0efcd layers of snow, c9f8d8ce98 refusing to fall.4a04f0c40dfac987

‘I need to melt c6d9d8b558 it a bit and eda96adb08 take it with me.’f4408ff2508385fe

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I brushed the 1a0e70dba5 snow off my 080befca0d hands.107755aee00e7b78

I didn’t bring any candles. My hands were frozen, and a stinging pain shot through to the fingertips.3ad9f9c83992eac3

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I had no choice d7f2b28288 but to melt it 29aeb7faf9 with my body heat.431914553be85e46

I lay still on e071860ca3 top of the grave 6cbdaa19a8 with my back turned.d92250cecf5d722f

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The sky was clear. Grayish clouds drifted across 99400366d2 the sky, and it bf2f8c3815 seemed like it could 474d08a639 start snowing at any fa794667b4 moment.9913f95b66104d45

The scenery when 55c60af512 it snows is 5807df41eb truly romantic.399bc0f028397024

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A tragic romance bestowed 2b865ccda9 upon someone facing death.00edb709017a07f9

I closed my 0c203dccd7 eyes.66d6b8a9058a0cac

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In the 7cd5f94799 end, the c3ae767b86 day would 25825201b5 come when fbb1aae7d9 I would 77aa289b0c dig up 19be9660b7 this grave.45d0f260b8cdff00

Whether I retrieve the items and escape the estate or whether I die and get buried here. I hadn’t thought it would come so soon.16993cdf81fd06dc

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I was too complacent.3921e8f59a6b786c

As I f5ce956bf7 lay there 6801e7bbb3 with my 2e4adfe981 eyes closed, d4ba87969f I heard c43aa00ed9 the sound 614fc3ebcc of snow dcd153fc89 piling up 03d7609371 gently.af692138139567f1

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After lying 192239c375 like that 91aff4bd89 for a 6103ffd7d3 while, an 0b7053a1ee urgent voice e1f6173fa0 echoed from 443971d15e above.4050959de7cae79a

“Leonie, get up!”1de02b5e371e6b73

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I opened my c0b3099a46 eyes.440e1321791c538e

Deon was 7945e404d9 looking down 0e690c7bc3 at me.90759a5be6387b27

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‘Weren’t you looking at household affairs?’d4cfe22431d8a1c2

The Duke b070450242 reached out d900908507 to help 9568a8f9e2 me up 3c4cfa528e but stopped 6da107c2a9 abruptly.23c8cd370c7b6faf

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This was bad. I hadn’t covered the snow on top of the grave yet.a24bebd8651a2c9e

Behind me d3ffb34d5d were the 1212860b2b items I fbf13903a9 would use 9f34f30c88 when I 3233447f4d fled, piled d512b177b3 up.37ec7ff50768936e

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If I got 21407eda29 up now, I 5a7efa5c7b would reveal the b7e111b4e8 hidden items buried da22913bd6 under the hole.5c35cda5d78e3a6e

I let go of 313a7e7f2e his hand and adjusted 97b4cfe616 my clothing.eda5ca641dfe68e0

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I spread f0963a7ef0 the robe 59adafcfec wide to 0d5eec5fb0 create a 323ab0131f screen behind 32fd9187c8 me. It was a66e32fd21 a desperate 89ccfa5c15 attempt to fe45daac99 hide, but e1b672a57d his gaze 0d3de63638 narrowed at 58398b588e my actions.4a0331be1118fd31

Once again, lying down, he asked, “Where does it hurt?”802fd6c283051d3f

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A white 8175d4f87a snowflake fell 63f3c9a6dc on my 0b82cab1dc forehead.73692249a6bfb687

He wiped the a019d10b20 tears that had ffb43b9788 pooled in my f250b70691 eyes.9a70bb2ede5b162b

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“I’ll go in a little while. You go first.”b29bb4356fcba2cf

“No, come with me.”ecb9978a0928bf2c

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Without hesitation, c8e3063259 he sat f031ed15f2 down next 5844ef0bc7 to me.71ceb7ae647367e5

He untied d0144c1239 the leather 39e92a74b6 fur he c0b3692dd0 had draped b453352769 over his 69dc09ac48 shoulders and 69fea5c179 covered me e0bebe9447 with it. The warmth that had 60680788d4 been kept inside was 3d332202b9 comforting.4e23de338c766e5d

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“You haven’t been feeling well since yesterday.”9d033eee49097399

Whether it was d9c9a79a1e Suren or me, e88d7ba47d when I stopped 6225434354 walking around the 5c6e0e2a9e mansion, everyone looked 994e7dac6d at me strangely.eb4b0ebc7012a94f

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“My health has never been good.”883c9d7211b3eb14

I responded to 05c4b115c8 his words as cbe8c5f635 usual.5ea8e59e0856f704

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“…If you want something to eat, you can order it from the chef.”ebb23425ef7be6b0

“Isn’t that something you should ask Lady Arina for? With a child, you must have many things you want to eat.”79a205ebc07ddf2f

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I let out a dry laugh. I expected him to laugh along, but he didn’t.07dbd95b08a566c3

With a 4abd128394 serious expression, 5be8eb8160 he looked ac2ec4b784 at me 97f2f2f27a intensely and aa29741b2a spoke.8b499588b1968e71

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“I thought that a girl of your age might find a place to attach her heart to… Was I wrong?”36f93894508f640e

He thought about something 1735b2373e carefully and then spoke.21ccaf9ce28f0b59

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“Do you like flowers?”9550be00f1e180db

“Well…”66d6e76d79450512

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“How about jewelry?”6720755476b7fd2a

“Not really…”b3b76e576eecad19

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“Clothes?”04d332548b4969f9

“No.”db4ddee1e17dc26c

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I looked into the 95e56a3567 distance, my gaze fixed cb830ba9b8 on the snow-covered mountain. The mountain a477b6e699 was shrouded c59da09148 in mist.31de5326902678a6

“Have you ever crossed that mountain, Your Grace?”1c499b5917d85ceb

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I had heard b983de2e49 that there was 082df6726a a shortcut to 60b1adb01a the village beyond 9b8cb0ec89 the mountain.f6e95092d3025c45

He followed 069e62d35f my gaze fe2a82238a beyond the 0514a27115 mountain and 171c0178fa nodded.6ff02da7cda63ce0

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“Once, a long time ago. Do you want to cross the mountain?”bc426500a17d55ab

“…Not right now.”a2ab7fcad7556eb4

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“Then when?”bbf2fdd9d656940b

“Just next…”6884c3f6ff0f0824

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I was about to say “next time,” but I bit my lip.38d7e15a0fb8e5a8

There was no “next time” between Deon and me. I was bound here, forever bound by a contract.79f3dddaa1c8e181

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Our relationship was divided between my life’s beginning and end.663dceccd9242906

To die or to ab5838e2c1 kill.a022feca23600928

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Even that couldn’t be done alone.21297f9689b43a26

I was forever “we” with the Duke.6c4dedb45057772f

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I couldn’t be separated forever. I was his flaw and his escape.008d458667818b10

To say I couldn’t be separated was perhaps a romantic phrase to some, but for me, who had a predetermined lifespan, it was a cruel punishment.c193ac475af3f136

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I bit 268d27459b my lip.dd4ca1e2ff9595a5