CG | Chapter 1.9

Even if they’re not repulsed, not many people actively seek out bugs. Lane’s eyes widened in genuine shock. Sean was slightly taken aback by his more shocked reaction than expected.

Even though Lane was someone who didn’t care much about the world and played well on his own, Sean thought he would know that his tastes weren’t mainstream.

“Do you think it’s gross too?”

Lane, who had been frozen like someone facing a plot twist, asked quietly. Sean quickly shook his head and began to reassure him.

“I like it. I didn’t at first, but I got used to it being with you.”

“…Then how do you feel when you see Lupin?”

Lupin was Lane’s pet snail. It wasn’t kept in captivity but was regularly observed in his garden, identifiable by its unique shell as a tree snail. Praising its survival skills, Lane had personally named the snail Lupin. That was three years ago. Lupin was still bravely living.

“I think it’s really cute.”

Sean said, half sincerely. Which meant he was half insincere. Hearing his answer, Lane slumped his shoulders and muttered in disbelief.

“I always thought people liked insects.”

Then, for some reason, he stared intently at Sean. Was he shocked that even Sean didn’t like insects from the start? Feeling a wave of guilt, Sean decided to administer a drastic remedy. In times like this, showing him something he liked was the best.

“Come on, you fool.”

Grabbing Lane’s wrist, Sean started running. As he pulled Lane along, Lane slowly began to move, eventually matching his pace and following. Once they were inside the forest, Sean pushed Lane further in, and finally, like a fish in water, Lane began to scan the forest. The remedy worked.

Within seconds, Lane found something interesting and quickly moved forward, crouching down with his tall frame. His white cheeks flushed, and he called out to Sean in an excited voice.

“Sean, look at this. It’s a dung beetle trail. They weren’t in our neighborhood, but it seems they’ve come all the way to New York.”

“Oh.”

Having only heard of them and never seen one, Sean approached with curiosity. Where Lane was looking, there was something like a round ball of mud. At first glance, it looked like a clump of dirt someone had left behind.

“So this is dung?”

“Yeah. They roll herbivore dung into balls and take it to their burrows. I’ve seen it elsewhere, but it’s my first time seeing it here.”

His bright voice continued with excitement.

“In some countries, dung beetles are extinct, so they import them. In Australia, they imported them from around the world in the 1960s and released them. It’s really fortunate that they’ve settled well in the U.S.”

Wow, that’s interesting. Sean nodded along, listening intently to his explanation. Although he had a different major from Lane, Sean also enjoyed learning new things, and having spent time with him, he had come to like such things to some extent. He realized that seeing the sights while walking or passing through the forest wasn’t just nature but thousands of individual entities.

Just by looking at the leaves, he could tell what family the plant belonged to and its characteristics, and it was fascinating to realize how many things existed in the world.

But…

“That’s great information, but don’t talk about this on a date. Other things are fine, but at least hold back on insects, no, dung beetles. Oh, and don’t say mosquitoes are cute either.”

There’s nothing that kills the mood on a date more than suddenly talking about animal dung. Sean sincerely advised, and Lane looked up at him and asked.

“Why do I have to date? Can’t I just start dating?”

This guy… seems to be in a pretty serious state.

Sean realized that Lane’s level of common sense wasn’t great. Since they never talked about such things, he didn’t know what Lane thought about them. As a friend, Sean decided to impart some knowledge for Lane’s future.

“Until high school, you see each other at school, so confessing directly works, but as an adult, you usually go on a date or two. Even meeting once and then dating is considered fast.”

Some people have one-night stands and then continue, but that seemed far from Lane, so he skipped it. He couldn’t even imagine it and hoped it wouldn’t happen. Besides, Lane probably hadn’t even had his first kiss yet. The thought of skipping steps made Sean’s head spin. Stop. Stop thinking. Let’s get back to the main point.

“Do I really have to? Why is it necessary?”

“You need time to get to know each other. Like preferences and stuff.”

“Don’t you already know that to some extent by seeing them regularly?”

“That’s different from personal stuff. There are preferences and aspects of a person that you can only know on a date, different from what you see in social situations.”

Like teaching a child, Sean patiently explained to Lane. Listening intently like a student in class, Lane eventually lowered his head. Watching him stare at the dung beetle’s food and trail, Sean found it cute and peculiar.

Normally, he’d say, “Do what you want, Lane,” but playing in the forest could never be a date. It might become a routine activity after dating, but not before.

“Are you like that too?”

As Sean was giving Lane time to realize reality, Lane suddenly asked. Looking at him, wondering what he meant, Lane quietly questioned.

“Are you different when you’re with me and when you’re with other girls?”

“…Uh, well.”

Sean was taken aback by the question from Lane, who usually didn’t care who he was with. For some reason, his cheeks flushed, and he felt strangely embarrassed. What’s this, Sean Delight? You’re not a kid.

“That’s probably true, right?”

“What don’t I know?”

That is…

For a moment, Sean couldn’t find the words. Although he said yes, Sean wasn’t someone who showed a wide range of aspects when with girls. As he did in front of others, he would smile as usual, gauge their mood to meet their needs, and talk about current trends, going to experience them together if they clicked.

The only difference was physical affection. Putting his hand on their waist, holding them close, stroking their hair, kissing their cheeks and ears, and when the mood was right, pressing lips together and intertwining tongues. Naturally caressing their back and rubbing their earlobes would elicit excited moans.

Sean usually stopped things from going further. The problem was that, unlike when he was younger, now that he was an adult, girls were starting to find it strange that he held back. That’s why it was uncomfortable when Robert caught him with Rose yesterday morning. Fortunately, rumors hadn’t spread yet, but if Robert and Rose talked and the question of whether he was impotent came up…

Oh, damn. It’s horrifying just to imagine.

Feeling conflicted, Sean didn’t want to talk about this topic anymore. Looking for a way out, he cowardly brought up what Lane had said earlier. It was childish, but he couldn’t help it.

“It’s personal, so I don’t want to tell you.”

“What?”

“You said yesterday not to be curious about Dion.”

“…I thought I ended up answering your questions.”

“You don’t have to answer anymore.”

Lane stood up abruptly. Then he launched a cowardly attack.

“Then don’t touch me anymore.”

“When did I touch you?”

“You rested your head on my thigh today, and you grabbed my wrist and ran earlier.”

He was at a loss for words. The argument was regressing to an elementary school level, making it difficult for him, with an adult’s mind, to refute. Feeling exasperated and annoyed, Sean began to act stubbornly.

“No. It’s not like touching wears you out, and we’ve always done that.”

“I’m going to date Dion, so don’t.”

Oh, he’s already sure he’s going to date someone he hasn’t even gone on a date with? He likes him that much? More than a good friend like me who watches animal dung with him?

“You’re not dating yet.”

“We will be soon. After the date you keep emphasizing.”

“Do whatever you want. Just don’t get dumped while looking at animal dung in the forest.”

Sean, throwing a curse-like remark, turned and walked into the forest. Lane and he had both been acting strange since yesterday. The frequent arguments and the unfamiliar topics made him feel childish.

Why is everything changing all at once?

With his parents’ divorce and Lane getting a boyfriend, Sean would have no one left by his side. Even when his home was chaotic, he found some stability because of Lane, like a lighthouse, but now that lighthouse was going elsewhere.

Ignoring Lane’s calls from behind, Sean continued walking into the forest, trying to calm his complicated feelings. The sensation of the fluffy dandelions and grass brushing against his ankles only seemed to irritate him more. He wished he had time to adapt, but the rapidly changing circumstances unsettled him.

“Sean Delight!”

He was stopped by a strong pull from behind. As his wrist was grabbed firmly, Sean leaned back and collided with a solid chest. Blinking in surprise, he heard Lane’s tense voice.

“What are you doing? If you keep walking, you’ll fall off the cliff!”

“Ah…”

Startled, Sean finally looked ahead. There was a cliff nearby, not steep but dangerous if he slipped without preparation. He suddenly remembered that this was a forest near the coast, where cliffs appeared without warning. A chill of realization ran down his spine.

“Sorry.”

Sean apologized. Lane, who was holding him tightly from behind, remained silent for a moment. He could feel Lane’s chest rising and falling rapidly, more shaken than he was. Along with the warmth, Lane’s torso, transmitted through the thin T-shirt, felt surprisingly firm. It wasn’t as toned as Sean’s, but there was no excess fat, and the lean muscles were well-defined, creating a solid build.

It felt strange.

The tension spread through his body, following the warmth against his back. In a position akin to being hugged from behind, Sean awkwardly looked down at the arms wrapped around him. He raised his hand to push them away but stopped, feeling the strength leave him. He didn’t mind the pale hands holding him tightly.

He must have been really scared. Sorry.

Sean would have felt the same. It was a place where, without preparation, a fall could lead to a serious head injury. Just as he was about to apologize again, Lane spoke first.

“You’ve been acting strange since yesterday.”

“…Have I?”

In a low voice, Lane asked quietly.

“Do you… not want me to meet Dion? Is this unpleasant for you?”

Lane’s voice, quietly flowing out, held a hint of unease. Sean suddenly realized that his behavior had been confusing for Lane. He was confused himself, and it seemed those emotions had reached Lane.

He felt pathetic. He had decided in his heart to be happy and supportive, but he hadn’t yet acted that way. If he couldn’t even handle something this simple, how would he manage in the future?

Unwanted things would always happen. They’d come all at once, like this weekend.

Sean took a deep breath. Looking down at the hand holding him, he steadied himself.

Lane is the most important person to me. As his friend, I need to help him build good relationships with others through this opportunity. Just like when Lane mentioned Dion yesterday and asked for my help.

Lane trusts me, which is why he said that.

“No. It’s a good thing for you, so there’s no way.”

At his response, Lane’s grip loosened. The blue veins on his pale hands briefly stood out and then subsided as Lane stepped back and released Sean.

“Then why did you do that just now?”