BNO Ch 4

“We’re almost adults. You, as well as I, need to take care of ourselves by working.”

“So?”

“To find a job, I need to go to college, so I’m studying at an academy…”

“Don’t go to college.”

“Lee Hakbin.”

“What.”

“Don’t joke around.”

“I’m not joking.”

“If you’re not joking, then what am I supposed to do if I don’t go to college?”

His gaze wandered as if in thought. But the answer that came back was somewhat empty.

“The chicken shop owner’s daughter.”

“What?”

“Just be Go Sora, the chicken shop girl. That suits you best.”

He spoke brightly, as if he had found the answer. Sora, unusually, felt her stomach churn. She was too old to be swayed by his irresponsibility.

“Please, Hakbin. I’m studying and going to the academy because I have my own plans. How can you be so unreasonable? If you tell me why, I’ll try my best to change, so just tell me…”

“Change what? I hate it all.”

No matter how much Sora tried to persuade him, he refused to communicate like a wall. He knew too well that he could get his way if he pushed it, so he felt no need to negotiate. In the end, Sora, the one at a disadvantage, had to list each suspected reason.

“Is it because of Senior Wooseok? Are you afraid I’ll be happy if I date someone?”

His hand, twirling pasta leisurely, stopped. His slowly rising head was somehow tilted. He stared at Sora with narrowed eyes and asked,

“Happy? You think you’ll be happy dating that bastard? Is that what you’re thinking?”

“Lee Hakbin, that’s not the point. Don’t twist my words.”

“No, I have to. So, you’re saying that my existence, my father, our past mother… we are preventing you from being happy.”

Hakbin skillfully tightened the noose around Sora’s neck. Her face turned pale instantly.

His words weren’t entirely wrong. Guilt was another name for unhappiness, and Sora wanted to escape from it. But the thought that Hakbin had seen through everything left her speechless.

“I’m sorry… It was a slip of the tongue. It’s not like that, Hakbin. You know that.”

“I don’t know. The way you’re acting lately, I don’t understand anything. Have you even sought me out first recently? Have you spent time with me on the weekends?”

“…….”

“Sorry, but it’s you who’s changed. Because you’re neglecting me, I’m doing this.”

Hakbin finally made Sora lower her head. His words were all true. It was true that the academy and her studies were Sora’s escape, and it was also true that she was spending less time with him than she did when they were younger.

“You said you wouldn’t let me be lonely, with your own mouth.”

“…….”

“You promised you’d be a mother, a sister, and a friend, you promised me back then.”

He brought back a memory from an unknown time in Sora’s mind. Was it when Hakbin would collapse from crying too much, or when he was going to psychiatric counseling because of his selective mutism?

‘Hakbin… I’ll always be by your side. I won’t let you be lonely. I’ll be your mother, your sister, your friend… I’ll do anything you want. I promise.’

The tearful promise from her childhood pierced Sora’s heart. It wasn’t him who was wrong, it was her. In this relationship, Sora was the sinner until death.

“I’m sorry…”

“If you’re sorry?”

“…I’ll finish this month and quit.”

Sora finally gave up her escape route herself. Only then did Hakbin’s face soften.

“Good thinking. Come home from school with me like we used to.”

He twirled his pasta around his fork, brought it to Sora’s lips.

“Try it. Mine is delicious.”

“…No, thanks. You already gave me some.”

Sora refused, gesturing with her eyes at the untouched pasta on her plate. But the fork only nudged her lips, refusing to retreat. He was stubborn and didn’t know how to back down. Eventually, Sora opened her mouth and accepted the pasta.

“Delicious, right?”

Sora gave the expected answer to his question.

“Yes.”

🤍

It was lunchtime. After eating, Sora walked around the playground with her friends to aid digestion. It was perfect for catching up on exercise and chatting. The cool breeze carried the scent of autumn. Her head, heated from the previous study period, felt a little more relaxed.

“Is this what being 18 is all about? The number feels so fresh and youthful, but reality is so gray.”

“That youth, isn’t that something you only see in American dramas? It’s far from our reality. While they’re partying and dating, we’re preparing for entrance exams.”

“Damn. Will it be any different when we get into college?”

“My sister says it’s the same. Just add soju to the mix.”

“Haha, fuck.”

Lamentations about the bleak reality and future were exchanged. Despite this, being unable to escape this hamster wheel of a routine was the fate of a Korean high school student, and not even being able to control this tedious life was Sora’s fate. Whenever she found stability, Hakbin would shake things up.

When Sora only laughed without adding to the conversation, a friend who attended the same academy asked,

“Right. Senior Wooseok was looking for you yesterday. Why didn’t you come to the academy?”

She asked, but as if she already knew the answer, she questioned again before Sora could even open her mouth.

“Lee Hakbin didn’t let you, did he?”

Sora nodded with a smile. After eating pasta and watching a movie, she was scolded for being late, not only at the academy but also at home.

“Oh, hanging out with a delinquent, makes Positive turn into a delinquent too. Coolly skipping academy. Cool.”

The sarcasm was laced with playfulness. Sora sighed and explained her academy life, which had become terminal as of yesterday.

“I’m going to study at home now. I think I need more self-study time than class time.”

She couldn’t bring herself to say that Hakbin made her quit the academy, so she gave a plausible reason.

“So, you’re quitting the academy?”

“Yeah, I’m going to finish this month. I’ll talk to the director later.”

“Damn… That’s a shame. Who am I going to go to the academy with now?”

“Sorry.”

“It’s not something to be sorry about. Well, you have good grades, and you’re comfortably above the college cutoff line…”

The small world Sora had pioneered had vanished. Her escape plan had been discovered, the hole she had dug so far was blocked, and even her spoon had been taken away.

It was futile, but it was true that she had neglected Hakbin, so she decided to accept it calmly. Taking care of him until he became an adult was a promise she made to herself when she was young. So this unhappiness was self-inflicted.

“More importantly, if you don’t go to the academy, what will I get my dopamine from? It was so much fun watching your romance with Senior Wooseok.”

During the imminent exam period, a speck of excitement was precious in a life entirely consumed by studying. Sora, the victim of that amusement, shook her head as if to wake her friend from a dream.

“It’s not like that. How many times do I have to say it?”

“Even if it’s not like that for you, it is for Senior Wooseok! Think about it again. Senior Wooseok is going to be a pilot. Isn’t that super cool? With that face and being a pilot, he’ll be super popular. He’ll probably be on a dating show later and become an influencer.”

“Sigh…”

“Seriously, think about it. My sister said you have to snag a good man early.”

Her friend listed Wooseok’s merits as if selling a product. Sora agreed that Wooseok was a great person and nodded. Then, another friend who had been listening quietly interrupted.

“Well, what’s the point of Positive liking the Senior? Lee Hakbin will interfere.”

“Oh, right. Lee Hakbin… Why does he do that, really.”

“He probably thinks his sister is too good for him.”

“Huh? I think it’s more like he’s possessive of his sister. He’s a guy too, but even when we’re hanging out, he sometimes comes and tries to take her away.”

“Is that so? He just can’t stand her being close to anyone other than him?”

The conversation drifted into an unexpected direction. The friends who were talking about Hakbin asked Sora, who had been silent,

“Why do you think he does that?”

“I don’t know,” she gave a bland answer, but she actually knew the reason. If asked why he tormented her, it was because he hated her. If asked why he was obsessed with her, it was because he was lonely.

Hakbin had been a noticeable child since he was young, but he rarely had close friends to share his heart with. He wasn’t very sociable in the first place, and he wasn’t the type to particularly like people.

After losing his mother, he became even more withdrawn and isolated. No matter how many friends he made on the surface, the essence inside him didn’t change. He was a lonely person, so he sought out Sora. He wanted someone who would love him no matter what he did, like his mother. And Sora had an obligation to answer his call.

“Hey, speak of the devil. There he goes.”

A friend pointed somewhere and said. Even without trying to find him, Hakbin, standing tall among the other students, was noticeable.

“He does stand out.”

“It’s not for nothing that he was chosen as a model. If only he had a good personality, he’d be so popular.”

“He’s popular even without a good personality.”

Her friends were busy giving their impressions of his back. Unlike them, Sora sensed something strange in the way Hakbin was walking faster than usual.

He, always relaxed, only ever went somewhere with such urgency when he was angry. He had been walking around the perimeter of the school building, but for some reason, he disappeared behind it. Sora’s curiosity deepened.

“What’s back there?”

“Behind the building? Just unused materials?”

“Why would he go there?”

“Oh, Lee Hakbin’s group smokes there. He probably went to smoke.”

“Hakbin… doesn’t smoke.”

“Maybe he decided to start. Or even if he doesn’t smoke, he could be talking with them.”

Her friend spoke casually, but Sora’s doubts remained. He couldn’t smoke, nor could he be around it. He was afraid of even the small flame of a match, let alone a gas stove, so a lighter was no different from holding a knife to his throat.

“Or maybe a confession or something.”

“Is this a Japanese manga? Stop reading so much shoujo.”

“Why not? A confession behind the school building. It’s possible.”

“That place is damp and desolate. Not picturesque.”

Speculations flew around, but none of them seemed plausible. Remembering his unusually fast pace, Sora finally took out her phone.

“Why? Gonna call him?”

“Yeah. Wondering if something’s wrong.”

“Wow… Lee Hakbin is Lee Hakbin, but you’re something else too. What are you, his mother?”

Her friends clicked their tongues, saying it was creepy, but Sora just smiled and called Hakbin. The ringing tone continued for a long time before switching to voicemail. It was strange.

It was rare for Hakbin not to answer her calls…

Sora, who had been walking around the playground, stopped. Her friends also stopped and stared at her. Sora tried calling two more times, but it was the same.

“What? He’s not answering?”

“Yeah…”

“Maybe he left his phone somewhere?”

“He doesn’t usually leave it around…”

Everything was strange. Meanwhile, lunchtime was almost over. When the warning bell rang, the students on the playground started to go inside. Her friends also slowly moved, each expressing regret. Sora followed them, but couldn’t take her eyes off the direction Hakbin had disappeared in. Checking the time on her wrist, Sora changed direction.

“Hey, where are you going?”

“I’ll get Hakbin.”

“Ah, he’ll come on his own.”

“Class is starting soon, he can’t be late.”

“Is he the type to care about that?”

“Anyway, go ahead.”

Sora waved to her friends and backed away. Her friends, who had initially tried to stop her, waved back.

Sora walked a little faster towards the back of the school. A baseless anxiety arose, and her heart began to race. The back of the school was relatively quiet, but the closer she got, the more she could hear the sounds of hitting and groaning.

Sora carefully followed the sounds. Just as her friends had said, old scrap materials and construction debris were piled up everywhere, and a few broken desks and chairs were scattered around.

Then, a dull thud echoed, and someone was thrown onto the debris. It was Seunghyun, Hakbin’s friend. He clutched his stomach and looked up at Hakbin, who was standing over him. Hakbin, his face flushed red, roughly grabbed Seunghyun by the collar and pulled him up. Seunghyun tried to push Hakbin away, gripping his arm tightly, but he couldn’t overcome the difference in size.

She couldn’t quite grasp the situation. While Sora was in a state of confusion, Hakbin’s beating continued. Hakbin stood Seunghyun up and punched him. Seunghyun stumbled backward and almost tripped over a chair with a broken leg. Broken pieces of wood and rusty metal parts were scattered around their feet, making it look dangerous.

Hakbin grabbed Seunghyun by the collar, his face full of rage.

“What? Say it again. Huh?”

Seunghyun, unable to defend himself properly against Hakbin’s attacks, covered his face.

“Seunghyun, you fucking bastard. Say it again. You were running your mouth just fine earlier.”

Hakbin’s fist flew at Seunghyun’s face, and blood erupted from his lips. The blood flowed down his chin, drawing a red line. Finally understanding the situation, Sora shouted.

“Hakbin, stop it!”

It was the moment Hakbin turned his head towards Sora. Seunghyun, sprawled on the ground, pulled something out of his pocket and held it out in front of Hakbin. It was the moment Hakbin belatedly registered its presence.

Click, a flame flickered from the lighter.

Seunghyun held the lighter up close to Hakbin’s face, as if he knew Hakbin’s weakness.

“You fucking bastard. You’re afraid of fire, aren’t you?”

Hakbin’s eyes flickered, reflecting the dancing flame. His face paled instantly, and his hands began to tremble subtly. His breathing grew ragged, his chest heaving rapidly as if air couldn’t reach his lungs. His breaths came in short, rapid bursts, like a broken rhythm.

As Hakbin froze, a strange smirk spread across Seunghyun’s bloodstained lips. He held the lighter high, threatening Hakbin.

“Wow. What a pathetic bastard. I knew it from the moment you backed away when you saw the lighter.”

Sweat began to drip from Hakbin’s skin, feeling the heat of the flame. His eyes were filled with intense fear, wanting to escape the flame. But his legs were rooted to the ground, and his arms were stiff, unable to push Seunghyun away.

His nerves were solely focused on the flame in front of him. On the weapon that had incinerated his world when he was seven.

Hakbin, who had been breathing erratically, began to hyperventilate. Terrified, he seemed to struggle even to breathe. Clutching his chest, he gasped for air.

Sora rushed forward and grabbed the flame of the lighter with her hand. The heat of the flame seared her palm for a moment, but Sora’s focus was solely on separating the flame from Hakbin.

“Let go.”

Sora glared at Seunghyun, holding the lighter head. Seunghyun, seemingly startled by Sora’s appearance, dropped the lighter. As the flame disappeared, Hakbin collapsed to the ground, gasping for breath, his face drenched in sweat.

He still couldn’t breathe properly. His eyes, clouded with fear and confusion, groped the air as if searching for something. It was the look of someone searching for light in the darkness.

Sora responded to his silent plea and embraced him. He flinched slightly, as if surprised, but then seemed to recognize Sora’s presence and burrowed deeper into her embrace. Like a child seeking a mother’s comfort, he clutched Sora’s clothes and buried his face in her chest. His trembling breaths brushed against Sora’s collarbone. Cold sweat ran down his face.

“Hakbin, it’s okay. You’re safe now. Breathe slowly. It’s okay.”

Sora stroked his head with one hand and gently rubbed his back with the other. Hearing Sora’s words, Hakbin began to inhale slowly and deeply.

“There’s no fire. I put it out.”

Sora gently stroked his shoulder, repeatedly reassuring him that the fire was gone. Gradually, his breathing began to stabilize. His tense body relaxed, and his breath began to find its rhythm again.

Then, she felt a sudden movement behind her. Remembering Seunghyun, whom she had forgotten, she turned her head slightly. Seunghyun was now holding a rusty metal rod in his hand. Madness flickered in his eyes as he looked down at Sora and Hakbin.

“You fucking bitches… You think you can make a fool of me…”

Seunghyun, staggering like a broken doll, lunged at them. In that split second, with no time to react, Hakbin turned, shielding Sora with his body. His broad chest enveloped her.

At that moment, the metal rod struck Hakbin’s head squarely. A dull thud echoed, and the impact reverberated through his entire body. His body trembled heavily.

What was happening?

Sora belatedly lifted her head from his embrace. He was frozen, staring into space. Soon, blood began to trickle slowly from Hakbin’s head.

The crimson blood flowed down his face, gradually staining his entire face. Like red threads, the blood flowed down his chin, staining Sora’s face as well. The lukewarm sensation and the spreading smell of blood made Sora’s body tremble.

“Hakbin…”

At her call, Hakbin slowly looked down at Sora. Beneath his blood-soaked eyelids, she could only see his piercing blue eyes. Hakbin breathed slowly onto her face and slowly raised himself.

Turning unsteadily, he faced Seunghyun. Seunghyun smirked at Hakbin’s now bloodied face.

“You fucking bastard. Come on. Come on, you…”

He taunted, gripping the metal pipe tightly with both hands. But Hakbin’s gaze was fixed on the lighter that had fallen to the ground. Noticing this, a sneer spread across Seunghyun’s face.

“The lighter? You coward. Want me to light it again?”

Instead of answering, Hakbin stomped on the lighter. Crack, the sound of the lighter breaking echoed. Hakbin’s foot repeatedly crushed the fragments of the broken lighter. Pieces of plastic scattered, and the leaking fuel spread across the ground.

Hakbin slowly raised his head and looked at Seunghyun. Fear was no longer in his eyes. Only a cold, murderous intent remained.

“Seunghyun. If you were going to kill me, you should have done it in one shot.”

A hint of amusement seeped into his low, chilling voice. Seunghyun seemed momentarily taken aback but quickly regained his composure.

“Acting all tough when you’re whimpering over a lighter…”

He lunged at Hakbin, swinging the metal pipe. Hakbin quickly twisted his body, dodging the attack. Then, gripping the pipe with his hand, he delivered a powerful kick to Seunghyun’s torso. Seunghyun, struck squarely in the stomach, staggered back in shock.

Hakbin didn’t miss the opportunity and struck Seunghyun again with force. Seunghyun, losing his balance, crumpled to the ground, curling up, and Hakbin relentlessly stomped on him. Seunghyun remained motionless, seemingly unable to resist, but Hakbin continued kicking him endlessly, just as he had crushed the broken lighter.

As Seunghyun’s groans grew weaker, fear filled Sora’s chest. Thinking that Seunghyun might actually die at this rate, Sora quickly got up and threw her arms around Hakbin. Yet, Hakbin, as if his anger hadn’t subsided, continued to stomp on Seunghyun. Her body swayed with Hakbin’s violent movements. Sora held him even tighter.

“Hakbin, please stop! He’ll really die!”

Hakbin finally came to his senses at Sora’s voice and stopped kicking. He looked back at Sora, breathing heavily. Anger still lingered in his eyes. Then, his lips slowly parted.

“Are… you okay?”

Is he asking me if I’m okay right now? Stunned by the unexpected question, Sora instinctively nodded, and he asked again.

“Your hand.”

“Hand?”

“The burn.”

Is he worried about when I grabbed the lighter flame? Sora opened her palm wide in front of him. It had been a little hot, but since it was such a fleeting moment, she hadn’t been burned. Seeing her unblemished hand, his eyes softened.

With the beating stopped, silence returned. Hakbin with his blood-stained face and Seunghyun collapsed at his feet. The sight of the two, amidst the messy backdrop of the back of the school, made Sora anxious.

As the assault ceased, Seunghyun lay on the ground, groaning. After confirming with her eyes that he was still breathing, Sora turned her attention to Hakbin’s bleeding head.

“Are you okay? Do you feel dizzy or like you’re going to throw up?”

“…….”

“You’re still bleeding. Lower your head. Hurry!”

Sora cupped Hakbin’s face in her hands and stood on tiptoe. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t examine his head unless he lowered it. Tears welled up in Sora’s eyes as her hands became covered in blood. Fear that he might be seriously injured gripped her heart.

A strange smile played on Hakbin’s lips as he stared intently at her face. Before Sora could notice the smile, a familiar voice caught her attention.

“What’s going on here!”

The student dean ran from the end of the alley. The middle-aged teacher, known as the scariest in the school, widened his eyes in surprise at the sight of the two bloodied students. He gaped, momentarily speechless.

“What happened here? Did you two fight and end up like this?”

The teacher asked in a bewildered voice. Sora, while applying pressure to Hakbin’s head, pleaded,

“Teacher, please call an ambulance! Hakbin hit his head. I think he needs to go to the hospital quickly!”

The teacher’s gaze fell on Hakbin, who was standing blankly, and Seunghyun, sprawled on the ground. As if he had the same thought as Sora, he quickly took out his phone and called for an ambulance. There was no time to ask about the details; Hakbin and Seunghyun’s condition was serious, and treatment was the priority. While Sora attended to Hakbin, the student dean carried Seunghyun on his back.

When the ambulance arrived, Seunghyun was loaded onto a stretcher, and Hakbin and Sora got into another ambulance. While Hakbin lay blankly, observing the inside of the ambulance, Sora explained his condition on his behalf.

“He was hit on the head with a metal pipe. He keeps bleeding, and it won’t stop even with pressure. He hasn’t vomited, and judging by the fact that he was standing fine, he doesn’t seem dizzy…”

The paramedic listened to Sora’s explanation and checked Hakbin’s consciousness.

“Sir, does your head hurt a lot right now?”

When Hakbin remained silent, Sora frowned deeply beside him and mouthed, “Does your head hurt?” Hakbin chuckled softly at this, deepening Sora’s worry.

“Um, are there any other symptoms besides vomiting, dizziness, and headaches after a head injury? Like… going crazy?”

After arriving at the hospital, Hakbin immediately underwent a thorough examination. Sora fidgeted anxiously as she waited. The tension made it feel like an eternity.

“There are mild concussion symptoms, but he should be fine with rest. The bleeding was caused by a scalp laceration, which we’ve stitched up, so he should be okay now. But just in case, please make sure he rests for the next few days, and if he has a severe headache, dizziness, or any other symptoms, come back to the hospital immediately.”

The doctor gave instructions for rest and turned away, and Sora breathed a sigh of relief, bowing her head. Unlike her, who had been anxious the whole time, the person in question was standing nonchalantly, yawning widely.

“The doctor said we can go home. Let’s go.”

Sora, who had been bowing repeatedly to the doctor’s back, turned to Hakbin with a sharp look. He looked half-mummified with his head wrapped in bandages.

“What happened? Why were you fighting with him…”

Before she could ask about the details, the hallway became noisy. A middle-aged woman stomped towards them as if she were going to break the floor and shoved Hakbin in the chest, shouting,

“Was it you? Did you beat up my Seunghyun?”

Her face was filled with rage. Seunghyun ran up from the end of the hallway, shouting, “Mom!” He was also quite injured, with bandages and plasters all over him.

At the appearance of Seunghyun’s mother, an uncharacteristic look of bewilderment flashed across Hakbin’s face. His broad shoulders seemed to slump slightly. Sora quickly stepped between them, pushing Hakbin slightly behind her as if to hide him.

“What do you think you’re doing? To a patient.”

“Patient?”

“Excuse me, but our Hakbin almost died. Song Seunghyun hit him on the head with a metal pipe.”

Sora spoke firmly. Seunghyun’s mother looked Sora up and down, scoffing,

“And who are you?”

Sora met her gaze directly and replied,

“I’m Hakbin’s guardian.”

The woman momentarily lost for words, let out a hollow laugh. Then she spoke again.

“Guardian? What guardian. Are you his girlfriend? Call his mother. Honestly, what kind of upbringing did he have…!”

Her shrill voice echoed through the hospital hallway. The attention of people sitting in the waiting area began to shift towards them. Around that time, Hakbin tried to push Sora away as if he’d had enough, but Sora stood her ground.

“I’m not his girlfriend. I’m his older sister. They were friends, and they had a disagreement, so they fought. I don’t think it’s appropriate to bring up upbringing. Does it make sense to continue this fight here? We’re not the only ones using the hospital. You’re disturbing the other patients who are already tired. They’re both injured, and it would be best to go home and rest. What do you think?”

Sora asked calmly. The woman seemed speechless for a moment, her mouth opening and closing before she erupted in anger again.

“What do you mean, they fought? It’s clear that my Seunghyun was the one who got beaten up!”

“Song Seunghyun also held a lighter to his face and hit him on the head with a metal pipe. He did all sorts of things. We’re lucky Hakbin is alive. He could have been a murderer. I saw it all happen. He was really trying to kill him.”

In contrast to the woman’s escalating anger, Sora remained low and firm throughout. The difference in their emotional temperatures prevented the argument from igniting further. The woman, now fuming alone, glanced around, conscious of the onlookers, and challenged,

“So, so you’re saying your brother did nothing wrong?”

Sora shook her head.

“No, he was wrong. But I think it’s better to talk about it later. The teacher told us to come tomorrow, so let’s talk properly then.”

“What tomorrow! Tell your mother to come, not you. Honestly, how can parents not show up when their child beats someone to a pulp…!”

Just as her voice rose again, Seunghyun, who had been watching from behind, grabbed her arm.

“This is embarrassing. Stop it!”

“Stop what? Let go! He hit you! We need to meet his parents and get compensation for your medical bills!”

“I hit him too, so what compensation? And he… doesn’t have a mother.”

“What? Oh… so that’s why his upbringing…!”

“Ugh, just forget it! Let’s go!”

Seunghyun dragged her away roughly. The woman, who had been relentlessly berating Sora, shut her mouth at her son’s yell. Silence returned to the hospital. The gazes of the onlookers returned to where they had been.

Finally, Sora’s shoulders slumped. Hakbin put his arm around her shoulders and watched the retreating figures of mother and son.

“He’s talking back to his mother. He’ll regret that. Some people want a mother but don’t have one. Right?”

“…….”

As expected, Hakbin seemed to have sensed the absence of his mother. When Sora remained silent, he poked her cheek lightly with his finger and smiled.

“But well… I’m glad I have a ‘sister’.”

The word “sister” was particularly emphasized. It was a pretense she chose, thinking it would be better to appear older if she were to act as his guardian. Could that have offended him? Sora glanced at him cautiously and asked,

“Were you upset? I just thought the lady was very angry, and explaining our relationship would take too long…”

“Hmm, well, I know that. But it seems like this isn’t the first time you’ve made me your younger brother.”

“Huh?”

“Last time, Wooseok or whatever, he said something about family, and some kids in our class seem to think I’m your younger brother. Did you tell them that?”

Sora’s face hardened at his question. It wasn’t a huge lie, but it was one she had hoped he wouldn’t find out about.

‘You scared Sora because of you. Even if you’re family, this isn’t right.’

‘Why is your brother like that?’

‘He’s really making his sister’s life difficult.’

The voices of Wooseok and her friends flashed through her mind. Especially her friends, who whispered whenever Hakbin was around, so it wouldn’t be strange if he had overheard them at any time. Sora wiped her sweaty hands and spoke with difficulty.

“Um… it’s just that since we’re opposite genders, there are a lot of misunderstandings.”

“What misunderstandings?”

“That we’re dating…”

“You didn’t like that?”

Didn’t like it? Sora thought for a moment and shook her head.

“It’s not a matter of liking or disliking. Wrong is wrong. There’s nothing good about being misunderstood.”

“What’s bad about it?”

What had ruffled his feathers again? Hakbin was nitpicking more than usual.

“You’re popular. If the guys who like you misunderstand that you have a boyfriend, they might not approach you.”

“You’re not worried about your dating life ending, are you?”

He scoffed, but Sora continued undeterred,

“If you’re going to be a celebrity, you need to be more careful about rumors involving the opposite sex than you are now.”

“Seriously. You make it sound like you were worried about me.”

“Anyway, I thought it would be better to say we’re family, so I said we’re distant cousins.”

“Distant cousins, my ass… Do you and I share a single drop of blood?”

“Even if we don’t share blood, we’re practically family.”

Silence followed Sora’s words. Sora belatedly realized her mistake. It must have sounded presumptuous to him. Sure enough, his eyes darkened as he stared at her.

“Who said we’re family?”

“…….”

“Just because I asked you to be my guardian, do you think we’re actually family?”

His words pierced Sora’s heart. It seemed that no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t fill his mother’s void. Realizing how arrogant it was to say they were ‘like family,’ Sora lowered her head. A sigh escaped her lips.

“Sorry…”

He lifted her chin, making her meet his eyes again.

“Why the long face?”

He pinched her cheeks, making her pout, and frowned.

“You always manage to upset me when you’re being pretty. Do you have a disease where you die if you’re too pretty?”

He asked, his gaze fixed on her pouting lips.

“Sowwy…”

Sora apologized, her lips pursed. As if he found it amusing, a smile spread across his face. The smile was like unexpected rain at just the right time.

“Always apologizing… But I’ll let it slide since you were a little cool today.”

“Huh?”

“What?”

“Mmph?”

Her words were muffled by her pursed lips, making him chuckle. She didn’t know what was so funny, but she was glad he seemed to be in a good mood. He lightly tapped her reddened cheeks and said,

“Let’s go eat dinner. I’m hungry.”

“Aren’t you going straight home?”

“Dad’s busy these days, so I have to eat alone anyway. So eat with me. I hate eating alone.”

Hakbin casually put his arm around Sora’s shoulders and walked towards the hospital exit. Sora, still concerned about his condition, asked,

“Hakbin, do you feel dizzy or have a headache…”

“I do, but it’s not because my head’s cracked open, it’s because of you, so don’t worry.”

“Me?”

“Yeah. I’m fine as long as you’re good.”

He scolded her as usual, but she was relieved that there was nothing seriously wrong with his head. With the immediate crisis averted, she became curious about the details of the incident again. As they were leaving the hospital, Sora asked again,

“But how did you end up fighting? Weren’t you and Seunghyun close?”

Hakbin had been a bit rebellious throughout his adolescence, but he wasn’t a violent child. This was the first time Sora had seen him hit someone. What was the reason?

After a brief silence, he said calmly,

“He called you a ‘bitch.’”

“Me?”

She asked back, her eyes wide with disbelief. He brushed her hair aside and replied,

“Yeah. Even I don’t call our piggy a bitch. It’s disrespectful.”

“…….”

When Sora was momentarily speechless, he smiled faintly as if seeking agreement and asked,

“Right?”

Did Hakbin beat up Seunghyun just because he called her a ‘bitch’? Sora suddenly clutched her head in a dizzying headache. A dull pain throbbed, as if she had been hit with a baseball bat.

Perhaps sensing something was wrong with Sora, Hakbin quickened his pace. Sora, half-running to catch up, began to nag,

“Hakbin.”

“What.”

“How can you beat someone up over something like that?”

“You’re okay with him calling you that?”

“Yeah.”

She had seen him call the girl they traveled with a ‘bitch,’ and assumed he would call her the same when she wasn’t around. But she hadn’t expected Hakbin to be enraged by it. It was Hakbin himself who had made a mockery of Sora in front of them.

Even if Seunghyun had made a slip of the tongue, it was clear that Hakbin was the one who resorted to violence first. Sora, wondering what to say to her uncle, pressed Hakbin,

“Anyway, this time, it’s your fault…”

“I wasn’t okay with it.”

Hakbin interrupted abruptly. Sora frowned and asked back,

“What?”

“It pissed me off that he was looking down on you.”

“…….”

“I hit him because it made me feel bad. It has nothing to do with how you felt.”

Hakbin looked down at Sora intently. Unidentifiable emotions flickered in his deep-set eyes.

Sora didn’t fully understand those emotions, but she knew he had resorted to violence for her. It was a bit surprising that Hakbin, who always crushed her self-esteem, would react so sensitively to someone else’s insults.

“What exactly did he say?”

“He was just… sexually harassing you when you weren’t there.”

His words brought back the image of them talking dirty, and she could roughly picture what had happened. Realizing that the cause of the violence was sexual harassment, Sora’s slumped shoulders straightened. Violence was bad in any situation, but she couldn’t help but think that Seunghyun “deserved it.”

Her bias was always ready to swing inwards, and now it folded in quite easily.

Hakbin, oblivious to Sora’s thoughts, added,

“I don’t really want to talk about it, so don’t ask for details.”

“Yeah, I’m not really curious. But even if Song Seunghyun said something about me, you shouldn’t have hit him.”

At Sora’s righteous words, Hakbin’s head tilted. It was a reaction of slight displeasure.

“You were taking my side earlier…”

“That was in front of other people. I can’t help but take your side, no matter what you do. Because it’s you.”

“…….”

“But I’m the only one who can tell you the truth when you’ve done something wrong. That’s why I’m saying this. You were wrong.”

Sora spoke firmly and calmly. Hakbin, who had been staring at Sora silently for a while, exhaled deeply and nodded.

“I get it. I guess beating him half to death was wrong.”

“It’s wrong even if you didn’t beat him half to death. You can’t throw the first punch, no matter the reason. You know that since Uncle Hyungsa.”

“There are exceptions to that. Do you think our dad would just stand there if another guy was harassing our mom?”

“That and this are…”

“Not that different. There are times when a man has to retaliate, even with his fists.”

Hakbin held out his large fist in front of Sora, showing off his strength. But in contrast to such a display, his head was wrapped in bandages.

“And get hurt like that?”

“…I was winning. He cheated.”

He grumbled, fiddling with his bandages as if embarrassed. Sora quickly grabbed his arm and pulled it down.

“Don’t touch it. Leave it alone.”

He looked down at his hand held by Sora and relaxed his arm. A faint smile spread across his lips.

“Are you worried?”

“You always ask the obvious. Isn’t it obvious?”

“I still want to hear you say it.”

“I’m worried. So don’t do this again. I appreciate you fighting for me, but I hate it more when you get hurt.”

He seemed quite pleased with this answer, clearing his throat and turning his head away. His red ears, peeking out from under the bandages, signaled his satisfaction.

Sora chuckled softly at his reaction but let out a deep sigh. They say your world goes dark when your “child” causes trouble, and it seemed true. Even after learning why he did it, her heart didn’t easily settle.

“Uncle will be very surprised, won’t he?”

“Our dad?”

“Ah… I said I’d take good care of him…”

Her uncle’s request, “Please look after Hakbin,” echoed in her ears. Her thoughts became tangled. She felt strangely guilty towards his mother in heaven, too.

“I’ll talk to him. Our dad will probably say he did well, anyway.”

“I think he’ll get the cane…”

“Just play sick and stay in bed. Our old man’s too old to beat me now. These days, he’s chasing housewife gambling rings instead of gangsters.”

Hakbin patted Sora’s shoulder, trying to reassure her. Funnily enough, it was quite comforting. Sora chuckled, and he, as if he had achieved his goal, put his arm around her.

“So stop worrying and let’s eat dinner.”

“Okay. What do you want to eat? I’ll buy.”

“Why you?”

“You bought last time. And considering everything, you got hurt because of me today.”

“Out of gratitude?”

“Out of guilt.”

“I don’t like that reason.”

“Out of gratitude.”

“Forget it. I know how much allowance you get. Don’t try to squeeze blood from a stone.”

Being childhood friends meant they couldn’t hide their family circumstances and financial situations from each other. Sora’s allowance was barely enough for occasional snacks at the convenience store.

“You too…”

“What about me? Oppa has money.”

He said it as if to retaliate for her calling him “little brother” earlier. Then he jerked his chin towards something. Sora followed his gaze. There was a picture of Hakbin drinking an ionic beverage on a bus stop advertisement.

“See? I have enough, right?”

Just then, the billboard lit up. Hakbin’s face glowed brightly in the darkness.

It’s so big. At that moment, Sora was overcome with an inexplicable, strange feeling. It was a mix of emotion and a sense of him becoming distant.

They say a parent feels empty when their child leaves the nest. Is this how it feels? She was surprised by her own duality, feeling a sense of loss even though she had always wished for his growth.

Sora scoffed at the contradictory feelings, a mixture of warmth and unease.

“So, let Oppa buy you dinner.”

Hakbin pulled Sora closer, his arm tightening around her shoulders. If his mother were alive, she would be here. In the autumn of their eighteenth year, Sora realized that these moments wouldn’t last forever.

For some reason, her heart felt lighter. Sora took a deep breath of the cool evening air and said,

“Okay. Buy me dinner.”

“Wow, what’s gotten into you? So compliant.”

“I’ll take what I can get.”

How many more times will I eat with you? Sora swallowed the rest of her words and smiled brightly. He stared at her face for a moment, then smiled back and asked,

“What do you want to eat?”

“Tteokbokki!”

“Just street food? You always choose… Let’s eat meat. Beef. Expensive stuff.”

“I want tteokbokki! Spicy.”

“No, I said meat. Korean beef.”

He asked what she wanted to eat, but he didn’t listen at all. Sora sighed and muttered, “Tteokbokki…” Hakbin looked at her expression.

“Seriously, why the long face? Fine. Tteokbokki.”

When he was in a good mood, Hakbin often listened to Sora. Sora, who had anticipated this reaction to some extent, quickly brightened. At her sudden change of expression, Hakbin poked her cheek and scolded her.

“Hey, now you’re acting. Shouldn’t you be the one acting, not ordering me around?”

“I freeze up in front of cameras. I can’t do it.”

Sora had often been told to try becoming a celebrity, but it wasn’t for her. She didn’t have the so-called “star quality.” Hakbin, on the other hand, seemed to have it. She could tell just by looking at how naturally he drank the beverage in front of the camera.

“Actually, I don’t like it either.”

“What?”

“You becoming famous.”

His expression darkened as if imagining something, and he added,

“I really don’t like it.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. I just don’t. Piggy should stay like this. Don’t change.”

“…….”

Sora could vaguely guess the emotions he was feeling. It must be similar to the feeling of loss she had felt a moment ago. A sense of loss for each other, inevitably changing as time went by. Perhaps he, too, was sensing the approaching significant change.

“No one’s offering me anything. You know I don’t have the talent.”

“That’s true. You’re not shameless, you have no tricks up your sleeve. You only know how to charge head-on, then get scolded by me…”

He tilted his head slightly as if seeking agreement, a playful smirk on his lips. As his lips curved upwards, small dimples appeared on his cheeks. The smile evoked a warm flutter, like the moment winter ends and spring arrives.

Although it was peace bought with the sacrifice of quitting the academy, it felt good to see him smile. Sora smiled back unconsciously, but expressed her worry,

“What if the other kids side with Song Seunghyun?”

“Why? Are you worried I won’t have any friends?”

“Yeah.”

“What’s there to worry about when I have you?”

“Am I enough?”

“Piggy is enough.”

They walked side by side through the brightly lit streets, a sight they hadn’t seen in a while. The streetlights cast long shadows.

One corner of her mind was preoccupied with worries about her uncle, the teacher, and cleaning up the mess Hakbin had made, but for that moment, she focused on smiling at Hakbin.

🤍

The fight between Seunghyun and Hakbin, which was expected to cause a huge commotion, quietly ended as a common incident between classmates. It was surprising that Seunghyun’s parents decided to let it go. It seemed that Seunghyun had admitted his fault and decided not to make a big deal out of it.

Thanks to this, Sora and her uncle, who had been worried sick that the unpleasant words “school violence” would be recorded on Hakbin’s school record, were able to breathe a sigh of relief.

With the midterm exams, a major event, over, everything seemed to be returning to normal. The only change was that Seunghyun had been ostracized from his group. The kids who were expected to stick with Seunghyun all remained by Hakbin’s side. They chose to cut off the tail since they couldn’t cut off the head of the group.

Seunghyun was furious with the betrayal, but there was a clear hierarchy within the group, and if you challenged it and failed, you had no choice but to submit. Seunghyun quietly attended school after that day, barely noticeable, and Hakbin’s group continued to make noise as usual. As if nothing had happened.

A few days later, Sora quit the academy. Wooseok, upon hearing the news, came to her and asked to exchange numbers, but Sora refused. What he wanted was a romantic relationship, and Sora was someone who didn’t even have the option to consider one.

As if to compensate for Sora quitting the academy, Hakbin continued his modeling work. As a considerable amount of money started coming in, Hakbin bought clothes, bags, shoes, and anything else that caught his eye, giving them to Sora as gifts. Even when Sora told him to save his money, Hakbin consistently maintained the attitude that “money must be spent to come back in” and even bought gifts for Sora’s parents.

For the past few days, seeing their daughter come home late at night with shopping bags in both hands, her mother asked if she was doing some kind of “bad” part-time job. Seeing her diligent daughter quit the academy she had been attending and come home late at night, she was worried that Sora might be going astray.

“You have to be honest with your mother. You’re not seeing some guy, are you?”

“I’m not, really. Hakbin bought these. Here, these are for you and Dad.”

They were shoes known for their comfort. He had suddenly asked for her parents’ shoe sizes and bought them. He must have chosen them, considerate of her parents, who were on their feet all day. Her mother carefully opened the box, but her expression was uneasy. The box bore the logo of an expensive brand.

“Where would Hakbin get that kind of money?”

Sora’s parents lived the same monotonous life every day, with no time to even look up at the sky. They surely hadn’t seen Hakbin’s picture at the bus stop in front of their house.

“Hakbin is working as a model. He’s filming commercials.”

“Commercials?”

“Yeah, a beverage commercial. I guess he’s getting more offers since it’s doing well.”

Even after hearing Sora’s explanation, her mother tilted her head in disbelief and frowned. Sora had found it hard to believe at one point, too, so it was a natural reaction. It was hard to imagine the child they had known since he was young becoming a commercial model. Instead of explaining further, Sora searched for the video and showed it to her.

—Instant energy boost in your tiring daily life! Fresher, further! The power of ions filling your body. VitaSpark!

Hakbin’s voice from the commercial echoed through the house. Her mother kept zooming in on the video, trying to confirm Hakbin’s face, and finally realized that it was all true. Her mother’s eyes widened, and she patted Sora’s shoulder excitedly.

“Oh my, oh my… What a surprise. So our Hakbin is becoming a celebrity?”

“I’m not sure yet, but if things go well, maybe?”

“Right. Hakbin has such a handsome face, of course he would do something. I…”

Her excited mother suddenly clasped her hands and closed her eyes tightly. Then, with a face that looked like she was about to cry, she muttered,

“I’m so glad. Hakbin’s mother…”

Her presence was deeply ingrained in everyone’s lives. Vividly, as if she still lived next door. Her mother, who had muttered as if speaking to Hakbin’s mother, clapped her hands and picked up her phone.

“I’m losing my mind. I have to call Hakbin’s dad.”

“Uncle? Why Uncle?”

“We have to congratulate him!”

Her mother called before Sora could stop her. Her phone, always set to maximum volume, carried her uncle’s voice to Sora.

—Hello?

“Hakbin’s dad! I heard Hakbin filmed a commercial!”

Her mother’s voice was unusually bright for the night. Despite this, her uncle let out a hearty laugh without a hint of annoyance.

—You saw it?

“Yes, Sora just showed me. I was so surprised. Why didn’t you tell me earlier? I’m hurt!”

—Oh, with Lee Hakbin’s personality, he never sticks to anything, so I was hesitant to say anything. He could quit any time. Who knows who he takes after, his whims change constantly.

Her uncle’s voice was also higher than usual. Although he didn’t show it outwardly, he seemed very happy that Hakbin was finding his own path.

The call, which had started with her mother, continued until dawn with her father joining in. Their excited voices tickled Sora’s heart.

🤍

The biggest event of the second semester of their sophomore year was the school trip.

However, the students weren’t very enthusiastic. This was because the destination had been set to a “domestic beach” due to various circumstances. Moreover, the accommodation was a “training center,” far from a stylish trip.

“Seriously, we should at least go to Jeju Island, shouldn’t we?”

“Ugh, the school next to us is going overseas, and what are we doing? This is so outdated.”

“Hey, they’re a private school. Compare apples to apples.”

Among her complaining friends, only Sora’s face was bright.

“What? Isn’t it great? We get to see the ocean and do activities.”

Sora’s eyes sparkled as she held out the itinerary. Her friends clicked their tongues at her excited reaction.

“Do you even know what those activities are before getting excited?”

“Seriously, the moment I saw it, I thought they were trying to torture us.”

“Always so positive. She’s excited about this itinerary. Unbelievable. It’s because of kids like you that the school doesn’t improve. Is this a school trip or a training camp?”

Despite her friends’ complaints, Sora’s excitement didn’t diminish.

It was because it was her first trip in a long time. Her self-employed parents rarely had time off, and they hadn’t traveled since his mother’s death, as the atmosphere at home had become somber. They felt guilty about enjoying themselves while Hakbin was still grieving.

But the school trip was an opportunity to be free from such guilt. With her friends, she could enjoy the ocean without the discomfort she had felt during the pension trip with Hakbin.

As Sora buzzed with anticipation, her friends reluctantly joined in her excitement.

“Well, yeah. We might as well have fun since we’re going. We can’t skip it anyway.”

“Ah, they won’t control our bedtime just because it’s a training center, will they? Should I bring board games?”

“Training center? They’ll totally control it. Just bring snacks, chat, pretend to sleep, and get punished if we get caught.”

Among her friends, who let out self-deprecating laughter, Sora nodded repeatedly and clenched her fists.

“Let’s take lots of pictures! I’ll take good ones!”

The day of the long-awaited school trip arrived.

On the first day, Sora and Hakbin boarded separate buses with their respective friends. As always, Hakbin took the back seat, and Sora, who had a friend with severe motion sickness, sat in the front.

While chatting with her friends, Sora occasionally checked on Hakbin. Among his boisterous friends, Hakbin yawned widely and then closed his eyes, arms crossed. Perhaps due to the part-time filming jobs after school, he always seemed tired.

The bus sped down the road and arrived at the training center. As expected, people wearing red caps, like “instructors,” guided the students with stiff expressions.

The dormitories were divided into Building 1 for boys and Building 2 for girls. Sora walked towards Building 2, checking if Hakbin was following. He was being dragged along by his friends, half asleep.

“Hey, hey, Lee Hakbin, open your eyes and walk.”

“You wanna crack your skull?”

His friends were taking good care of him even without Sora’s intervention. True to his usual complaints about having to go on the school trip, Hakbin’s forehead was furrowed. Curses escaped his lips, but he followed his friends. Relieved of her worries about Hakbin, Sora also started walking.

“Change into comfortable clothes and slippers by 1:00 and gather in a line. Understood?”

As soon as the instructor disappeared, the students, who had been as quiet as mice, erupted in complaints.

“Ah, shit. I knew this would happen.”

“Is this the army? It’s our last school trip.”

“Life’s already hard enough, and now they’re bossing us around.”

Sora diligently soothed the students beside her.

“It’s still a trip, they’ll let us loose later. But we can see the ocean right from our room. Did you see?”

Sora’s bright voice lifted the subdued atmosphere of the room. Her friends looked out the window one by one. The endless expanse of the ocean was visible beyond Building 1.

“Don’t you think it’ll be beautiful when the sun sets? I think we’ll have some free time after dinner. Let’s go out and take pictures together. I brought my camera.”

Sora said, taking out her camera from her bag. Her friends, their moods slightly lifted by the ocean view, chuckled and expressed their admiration for Sora.

“You have such a good personality.”

“Seriously. When I’m with you, it’s amazing how Positive always thinks positively about everything.”

“Right? Even though Lee Hakbin suffocates her.”

“Have you always had this personality since you were young?”

Sora laughed awkwardly and scratched her head. If they were asking if she had always been like this, the answer was no.

His mother’s death had been as shocking to Sora as it was to Hakbin. It had been difficult enough, but if she had also succumbed to depression, there would have been no one to pull Hakbin out. From the moment his mother saved Sora, Sora’s life wasn’t just her own anymore. That suffocating sense of responsibility had saved her.

“Um… no. I actually had some depression when I was younger.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I went through some tough times when I was little. I thought a lot about how it might be better to die. But in the end, that was just running away. I had to live to take responsibility, and if I wanted to live, I couldn’t stay depressed… For my sake and for others. I think my mindset changed a lot since then.”

The life of a sinner was a path burdened with the endless weight of atonement. Guilt constantly killed and resurrected her. In the endless punishment, the sinner longed for freedom and salvation, but that longing itself became another punishment, trapping her in an eternal internal conflict.

Nevertheless, the reason she had to live was because she knew that the pain of those who had lost family was far greater and heavier than her own. That fact gave Sora the obligation to live.

Hakbin was enduring his pain and living; she couldn’t bear to break down.

Her friends, who had vaguely thought Sora was naturally born “Positive,” looked surprised. Sora sighed and said what came to mind,

“We vaguely think we’ll live like this forever, but life can really end at unexpected times. So, the fact that we’re alive and breathing right now is a kind of miracle, another chance someone gave us.”

Sora continued, fiddling with her old father’s camera.

“If you think like that, rather than wasting time getting angry and complaining, you want to spend time laughing and sharing joy. If life is about living even when it’s hard, you have to live positively. That’s how you survive.”

After a brief silence, one of her friends put her hands together and muttered, “Amen.” Then the other friends followed suit.

“Thank you for the good word. I will become a new person.”

“Sora sounds just like our church pastor.”

“Yeah, let’s live positively, guys. Since things are like this.”

The moment everyone decided to think positively, the instructor’s urging voice was heard. The kids hurriedly started changing their clothes, and the positive energy Sora had spread sank easily into the ocean.

“Seriously, even so, is this the army?”

This time, even Sora chuckled in agreement.

When the students came out after changing, they lined up, and the instructor divided them into groups of six, appropriately mixing heights and genders. Due to the uneven gender ratio, the last group, Group 6, consisted only of boys. Hakbin, who had tried to slip away but couldn’t avoid the instructor’s gaze and joined last, was also in Group 6.

Once the teams were divided, the instructors handed out life jackets and began to explain.

“We’ll be doing IBS training. You’ll carry the boats over there to the ocean. As you’ll see, the boats are quite heavy. It’ll be difficult to carry if even one person slacks off, so take this seriously. Understood?”

The students’ gazes turned towards the boats on the beach, but Sora’s gaze remained fixed on the ocean.