BNO Ch 1

Water is terrifying.

The coldness that seeps into your bones. Toes that can’t reach the bottom no matter how hard you stretch. The resistance of the water, heavy against your hands and feet. The feeling of being dragged down, as if by someone unseen. The cruelty that chokes your breath and swallows even your screams. That’s what terrifies me.

For Sora, water was an endless darkness. A black hole that suddenly opened beneath her feet, cold, merciless hands pulling her down. Like a ferocious beast hiding in the stillness of the tall grass. Water, to Sora, wasn’t just water; it was a monster poised to devour her.

Even after putting on her swimsuit, Sora hesitated in front of the pool. Her mother gently pushed her back.

“Sora, go on in. It’s not as deep as you think.”

“No. What if I fall in again like last time?”

“You have a life jacket.”

“No. I don’t want to…”

Sora clung to her mother’s arm, refusing to budge. A few days ago, while playing in a nearby stream, she’d fallen into deep water. Hakbin had quickly pulled her out, but for a seven-year-old experiencing the terror of near-drowning for the first time, water had become a symbol of fear.

“Then just your feet. Dip your feet in. We came all this way.”

Her parents, having spent a considerable amount of money to reserve a pension with a pool for their summer vacation, were becoming increasingly frustrated. Still, Sora shook her head. Her mother sighed deeply, giving up on persuading her. If her usually spirited daughter was this reluctant, it meant she was genuinely afraid.

Finally, she took Sora’s hand and returned to the shade of the parasol. Hakbin’s mother, lying on a sunbed, handed Sora’s mom an iced coffee.

“Just let her be. Forcing her won’t help.”

“I’m just worried she’ll never learn to swim.”

Sora’s mother sipped her iced coffee and lay down on the sunbed next to Hakbin’s mother. Sora, sitting on her mother’s lap with worried eyes, watched Hakbin glide across the pool.

His long, white arms powerfully cut through the surface. The movement of his legs kicking through the water was graceful and fluid. He swam just like the mermaid princess in her storybooks.

Hakbin was the boy next door, the same age as Sora. Because their children were the same age, the two families had become close, often sharing meals and going on trips together. Sora had fallen into the stream while chasing after Hakbin, who was trying to catch dragonflies.

“Hakbin is such a good swimmer. It’s amazing how well he swims for a seven-year-old.”

“I know, right? He just sort of floated after I showed him once, and the next thing I knew, he was swimming.”

Hakbin’s mother said with a nonchalant smile. Sora’s mother nudged her arm in admiration.

“He must have inherited his parents’ athletic genes.”

Hakbin’s mother was a paramedic, and his father was a detective. They had the kind of cool jobs Sora only saw in movies. At least, that’s how it seemed to her. Hakbin’s mother scratched her head shyly, smiling at the compliment.

“At seven years old, with skills like that, he could be a professional swimmer. Or maybe an actor. You must be so proud, having such a handsome and athletic son.”

Sora nodded in agreement with the continuing praise. Hakbin was the most handsome and athletic boy she knew. There was a reason why all the girls at kindergarten gave him snacks.

“Sora says Hakbin is super popular with the girls at kindergarten.”

“Really? That’s strange. Hakbin never mentioned it. He actually complains that Sora has too many friends and doesn’t play with him enough.”

Hakbin’s mother said, fiddling with Sora’s long hair. Sora turned and asked,

“Why is he upset?”

Meeting her eyes, Hakbin’s mother replied with a gentle smile,

“He wants you to play only with him.”

Sora thought for a moment, then shook her head. Hakbin was always with her – on the way to kindergarten, at kindergarten, and after kindergarten. The days she didn’t see him were few and far between.

“We play together a lot…”

“He probably wants you all to himself. Hakbin is a little greedy, isn’t he?”

Sora nodded. Just then, Hakbin, who had been absorbed in his swimming, suddenly lifted his head and shouted,

“Mom! Are you watching me?”

His sharp eyes gleamed beneath his wet hair. His gaze felt almost like surveillance. His mother nodded casually.

“Yeah, I’m watching. You’re doing great. Auntie and Sora both think you’re a great swimmer.”

At her words, Hakbin glanced at Sora. When their eyes met, he slipped back under the water like a submarine. A moment later, Sora saw his white body cutting through the pool again. His ears, briefly visible, seemed slightly red.

“You know, Hakbin seems to really adore his mom. He doesn’t ask for his dad, but he keeps checking if his mom is watching.”

“He does, doesn’t he? He always wants me to watch him, so I can’t even get any chores done. I wonder if it’s his personality or if he lacks independence. He refused formula and only wanted breast milk, so I weaned him really late… I’m worried he’ll become a mama’s boy.”

“Oh, he’s only seven. It’s the age when they love their moms the most. People say boys start playing on their own as they get older. You should enjoy this time.”

“Really? Maybe I’m just being silly…”

Hakbin’s mother played with Sora’s long hair again. It was an unconscious gesture, but there was an affection in it that made Sora comfortable.

“I always dreamed of having a daughter. Going to the bathhouse together, dressing her up in pretty clothes for kindergarten, braiding her hair…”

“Oh, that doesn’t last long. Dreams are just dreams…”

“Really? Just dreams?”

“Parenting is hard, regardless of gender. Our Sora too…”

“Oh, Sora is just growing up so well. She’s so brave and mature, isn’t she?”

Hakbin’s mother sought Sora’s agreement in a playful voice, and Sora smiled and nodded. She liked Hakbin’s kind mother. And she liked Hakbin, who seemed to be a mix of both his parents.

“Next week is Sora’s birthday, right?”

“Yes. How did you know?”

Hakbin’s mother lowered her voice and whispered,

“Don’t even get me started. Hakbin emptied his piggy bank to buy Sora a birthday present…”

“Oh my, really?”

“He’s my son, but I’m already feeling a little left out. Should I be encouraging this…?”

“Oh, that’s so cute.”

As their voices lowered, Sora perked up her ears. Although she didn’t understand everything they were saying, she clearly heard that Hakbin was preparing a gift for her.

Sora wiggled her toes, feeling a strange excitement bubbling inside her. Unable to contain herself, she left the adults engrossed in their parenting conversation and walked towards the pool.

Hakbin, who had been floating on his back, quietly swam towards Sora. He was quick, as if he had been watching her movements.

His arms and legs moved smoothly, cutting through the water. His movements were so natural, as if he were one with the water. The splashing sounds and the water droplets, sparkling in the sunlight, were mesmerizing.

Hakbin draped his arm over the edge of the pool and looked up at Sora. Sora crouched down in front of him.

Hakbin stared at Sora with an intense look, then shook his wet hair, splashing water on her face. Sora squeezed her eyes shut and burst into laughter. The cool water droplets cooled the heat of the sun.

“Hey!”

“Refreshing, isn’t it?”

“Yeah.”

“Come in. Let’s play together.”

He said, resting his chin on his arm. There was a hint of boredom in his posture. But Sora couldn’t accept his invitation.

“I’m scared.”

“Scared of what?”

“Scared of falling in like last time…”

“Then I’ll save you. Like last time. Come on.”

“You were too slow. You should have come faster.”

Sora blamed him, feeling a little petulant. Hakbin apologized readily.

“Sorry. I’ll come faster next time.”

He splashed his legs demonstratively, sending water spraying towards Sora. As Sora reached out to splash him back, Hakbin’s father appeared, carrying a large inflatable tube. He gave his son a playful glare.

“Here, happy now?”

“Dad! Why are you so late?”

Hakbin glared back at his father, not to be outdone.

“Hey, I’m busy too, you know. I’m working hard with your uncle so we can have barbecue.”

“I asked you to inflate this in the car!”

“Hey! I’ve been pumping this thing like crazy, and instead of thanking me, you’re getting mad?”

After scolding his son, he turned to Sora with a gentle voice.

“Sora, Hakbin begged me to buy this for you. Go ahead and play with it.”

“I’ll tell her!”

Hakbin, after snapping at his father again, pulled the large tube towards Sora.

“I begged Dad to buy this because you said you were scared of the water. If you ride on this, I’ll pull you around. That way, you’ll be okay, right?”

The fully inflated tube was shaped like a unicorn. Pink ears stuck out from the sides of its horned head, and a rainbow-colored mane and tail flowed from its back. Most importantly, it had handles along the edges, making it look safe. As Sora showed interest, Hakbin patted the inside of the tube, urging her.

“Come on, get on. I’ll hold on tight.”

“What if it flips over?”

“Then I’ll save you.”

“…Quickly?”

“Yeah. I’ll come quickly.”

Hakbin’s unwavering gaze gave Sora courage. She carefully stepped onto the tube. It wobbled slightly on the surface, making her hesitate, but she finally managed to climb on.

As Sora crawled onto the unicorn’s neck and hugged it, Hakbin grabbed the rope attached to the tube and pulled her towards the center of the pool. He circled around her like a dolphin, splashing her with water and pulling her in different directions.

The refreshing sound of the water cutting through the surface felt like she was swimming herself. Sora enjoyed the summer, feeling the flow of the water. Cicadas buzzed incessantly, and the sun beat down on her wet skin. Every time the wind blew, the scent of grass tickled her nose.

Hakbin’s playful teasing and the coolness of the water gradually melted away Sora’s fear.

In that moment, the water, the sunlight, and the wind all seemed to be on her side. For the first time, Sora felt at peace in the water.

Then, Hakbin, resting his chin on the tube, asked,

“Not scared anymore, right?”

“No.”

“Then let’s play like this again next summer. I’ll pull you around.”

“Really? Won’t you get tired?”

Sora asked, staring at his wet face. He quickly ducked his head halfway into the water, as if trying to escape her gaze. The water rippled around his face, and the sunlight reflected and shimmered on his skin.

“Yeah. I like playing with you.”

His voice seemed to echo from under the water. His ears were red again. Sora unconsciously touched his ear and replied,

“Me too.”

At her response, Hakbin, who had been slowly sinking, slipped entirely under the water. The bubbles that rose to the surface felt like a muffled scream, but Sora didn’t understand what they meant.

Sora’s birthday dawned. Seaweed soup, a traditional birthday breakfast, graced the table, but her parents’ minds were elsewhere. They ran a fried chicken restaurant, and a large group order had come in today, keeping them extremely busy. Sora’s own heart, attuned to theirs, raced with anxiety.

“Mom, Dad, when will you be home?”

Sora asked, her voice laced with worry, as she swallowed the hot seaweed soup. It was her birthday, once a year, and she was worried they wouldn’t be able to have a party. She had been eagerly anticipating the cream cake.

“We might be a little late, Sora. If we are, go ahead and eat. You know how to heat up the seaweed soup in the microwave, right?”

“Yes. Eat first, Sora. Dad will bring home the cream cake you love. We’ll have a party even if it’s late.”

Her father reassured her, tapping her furrowed seven-year-old brow. Although she felt a little resentful that her parents were busy on her birthday, Sora understood their situation. The money for the cream cake came from their hard work.

“Can I invite Hakbin?”

“Yes, you can invite Hakbin.”

Only after receiving the promise of a birthday party did a smile bloom on Sora’s face.

When she left the house after breakfast, Hakbin and his mother were already waiting outside. Living on the top floor of the same apartment building, they always met at the door and walked to kindergarten together. As soon as their eyes met, Hakbin greeted her with a bright smile.

“Happy birthday, Sora!”

It was the first birthday greeting she’d received today. Sora replied with a wide smile.

“Thank you!”

While Sora and Hakbin exchanged greetings, their mothers talked.

“When should we come over today?”

“Oh, I’m not sure. I’ll call you later.”

“Sounds like you’re really busy…”

“Yes, her dad’s already at the restaurant preparing. I need to drop Sora off and hurry over there too…”

“Then leave them to me. You go ahead. I’ll take them to kindergarten.”

“Oh, really? That would be wonderful, thank you…”

When they reached the ground floor, Sora’s mother handed her over to Hakbin’s mother with a deep bow and hurried back towards the restaurant.

“Bye, Sora! I’ll call you later!”

Her waving hand was so hurried that Sora couldn’t bring herself to hold her back. Only after Sora waved back did her mother turn and break into a run. Sora watched her until she disappeared from sight. Hakbin’s mother stroked Sora’s hand with her thumb, comforting her.

“Your mom seems very busy. Let’s go with Auntie today. Okay?”

“Okay!”

Sora shook off her disappointment and replied cheerfully. Just then, Hakbin let go of his mother’s hand and came to Sora, intertwining his fingers with hers. Now Sora was standing between the two of them.

“Let’s go, Mom.”

Hakbin’s mother let out an exasperated sigh at her son, but Hakbin just looked excited. His face was beaming, as if he were the one having the birthday.

The kindergarten was just across the main road, about a ten-minute walk from their apartment complex. The three of them strolled leisurely towards it.

“When are we having the party?”

Hakbin asked Sora. He seemed to be looking forward to the party as well. Sora pictured the cream cake they would share and replied,

“Um… tonight?”

“What time tonight?”

“I don’t know.”

“When does your dad come home?”

“Around… 8 o’clock?”

Sora said, adding an hour to the usual time. He had said he would close the restaurant and come home as soon as he finished the rush, so he would definitely be back by then. It was Sora’s birthday, after all.

“8 o’clock? Got it.”

Hakbin said, squeezing her hand. Sora squeezed back. Their clasped hands swung cheerfully. Even without her mother, she didn’t feel lonely on the way to kindergarten.

Sora’s mother didn’t show up for pickup either. Just like in the morning, Sora went home with Hakbin and his mother.

“Sora, why don’t you stay at our place until your mom comes? We can eat dinner together while you wait. You must be hungry, right?”

Hakbin opened the door to his apartment, inviting Sora in, but Sora shook her head. If her parents were going to be late, she needed to decorate the house for the party. She had a lot to do – inflate the balloons her mother had bought and put up birthday cards on the windows.

“I have food at home. It’s okay!”

“Are you sure?…”

“It’s okay! We’ll eat cake together when Mom and Dad get home!”

Hakbin’s mother seemed a little puzzled by the seven-year-old’s insistence, but she couldn’t force her to come. Sora was often left alone at home, so it wasn’t particularly unusual.

“Well… okay. I’ll check in with your mom.”

“Okay!”

Sora turned and punched her birthday into the door lock. Hakbin and his mother already knew the code, so there was no need to hide it.

“See you later!”

Sora waved to the two of them, who were watching her. Hakbin looked a little disappointed but waved back.

“Yeah, see you later.”

“See you later, Sora.”

Closing the door, Sora looked around the dark, quiet apartment and sighed deeply. It was 6 o’clock. She had two hours to make this place look festive.

Sora clenched her small fists with determination and rolled up her sleeves. She regularly helped her parents with chores, so she knew what to do.

First, she picked up the clothes scattered on the floor that her father had left in his haste. Then, she climbed onto a footstool and washed the dishes from breakfast.

By the time she had tidied up the house, it was already 7 o’clock. Sora immediately started blowing up the balloons without taking a break. However, she soon ran into a problem. She could inflate the balloons, but she didn’t know how to tie them. No matter how much she fumbled with her small hands, the air just leaked out.

Pffffft… With the sound of deflating balloons, Sora’s shoulders slumped. Her momentum broken, fatigue from all the activity washed over her. She looked around the bleak living room with worried eyes. Without balloons, it wouldn’t feel like a party.

As Sora pondered, her eyes fell on small candles. They were scented candles her mother lit whenever the house smelled stale.

She had seen candles at parties on TV. Even without balloons, wouldn’t candles make the place look festive? A glimmer of hope returned to Sora.

Sora struggled to drag the small table from the corner of her parents’ bedroom into the living room. By the time she unfolded the table, which was almost as big as she was, her forehead was covered in sweat. She wiped it with the back of her hand and checked the digital clock on the wall.

7:30. Just moving the table had taken thirty minutes.

‘Around… 8 o’clock?’

‘8 o’clock? Got it.’

She had promised Hakbin they would start at 8. The image of his expectant face flashed through her mind, and Sora’s heart raced. She quickly gathered all the scented candles. The push-button lighter next to them was something she could easily operate.

Click. A small flame sprang up. Sora carefully brought it to the wick of a candle. The single flame split into two, burning steadily.

She carefully placed the lit candles on the table and briefly turned off the lights. The seven candle flames illuminated the apartment with a warm glow, like a late summer sunset. It looked quite pretty, and a proud smile bloomed on Sora’s face.

Sora hurried to the kitchen and took out a large plate, filling it with various snacks. They were all sweet treats, Sora’s favorites. She arranged them neatly by type and carefully placed a plate on each side of the table. The middle spot was left empty for the cake.

As time ticked by, Sora finished all the preparations and looked around the apartment one last time. Plates filled with snacks, the table softly illuminated by candlelight, and the empty space reserved for the cake. Everything was perfect.

Just then, as Sora turned, she accidentally knocked over a candle. It fell onto the carpet.

Before she could react, the flames spread across the carpet with terrifying speed. She tried to grab the candle, but the fire was already beyond her small hands’ reach.

Panicked, Sora rushed to the bathroom, filled a bucket with water, and ran back. She poured the water onto the carpet, but the flames, now raging, swallowed it whole.

The fire, having consumed the carpet, began to devour the fabric sofa. The flames quickly licked up the wall. Sora backed away, watching helplessly as the fire spread uncontrollably. The smoke from the ever-growing flames filled the apartment, making it hard to breathe.

She had to put out the fire, but she didn’t know how. The smoke filled her lungs, choking her. Sora stumbled into her parents’ bedroom and slammed the door shut. She could breathe a little easier, but fear gripped her chest, making her hands and feet tremble. The crackling sounds from beyond the door grew louder.

She knew she had to go back out and fight the fire, but she couldn’t bring herself to open the door again. The terrifying flames were surely waiting for her, just outside.

Where should I go? Where should I hide? Sora looked around the room, opened the closet door, and hid inside.

The closet was dark and stuffy. Sora held her breath and curled up into a ball. She could hear the fire drawing closer. The crackling of burning wood mingled with the occasional crash of something collapsing.

Tears streamed down Sora’s cheeks. Her heart pounded with fear and terror. The hot breath of the fire seeped through the cracks of the closet door, suffocating her and scorching her skin. Sora curled up tighter, as if the smallness of her body could hide her from the flames. Just then, she heard a familiar voice calling from outside.

Sora! Sora…!

Sora instantly recognized the voice. It was Hakbin’s mother.

At the sound of her voice, Sora cautiously raised her head. The scene visible through the crack in the closet door was a swirling, crimson inferno. Acrid smoke stung her nose and seeped deep into her lungs, and the crackling of flames was deafening. She knew the fire would soon find her and devour her.

Then, she heard the sound of a door opening, and the voice calling her name became clearer.

“Sora!”

The urgent voice searched for her. Sora, emboldened by the call, opened the closet door slightly. The reality she had been trying to ignore flooded in, hot and intense. Flames licked at the walls, leaving black soot in their wake, and the ceiling groaned as it burned. The intense heat choked her. Then, Hakbin’s mother, having found Sora through the smoke, rushed towards her.

“Sora! It’s okay. Let’s get out of here…”

A large hand reached out and grabbed Sora’s, but Sora pushed it away and shook her head. The flames right in front of her were too terrifying. Hakbin’s mother took a deep breath and pulled off the clothes she was wearing, covering Sora’s nose and mouth. The damp fabric was hot enough to burn, but her touch was surprisingly gentle and calm. Sora’s voice trembled as she spoke,

“I’m scared… Sob…”

“Don’t worry, Sora. Auntie’s here. Come on, okay?”

She coughed repeatedly but continued to soothe Sora gently. The flames climbed the walls like a living thing, and the apartment was turning into an inferno.

Hesitantly, Sora mustered her courage and stepped out of the closet. The reality she had tried to avoid crashed down upon her. Hakbin’s mother covered Sora’s face and body with the damp clothes and carefully lifted her into her arms. Through the wet fabric, Sora could see flickering flames.

“It’s okay, Sora. Hold your breath and stay still.”

Her whisper, like a magic spell, calmed Sora’s heart. Sora closed her eyes tightly and buried her face against her chest. The heat seeping through the wet clothes made it hard to breathe, but the faint scent of Hakbin’s mother was reassuring.

Sora could feel her moving quickly, but she couldn’t see anything. Red light seeped through the fabric, and the intense heat seemed to prick her skin. The bitter taste of smoke filled her mouth, numbing her tongue. Sora held her breath and surrendered to the motion of being carried. The flames crackled like a living creature, and Hakbin’s mother’s coughs echoed endlessly.

How much time had passed? Sora felt her steps falter. A rush of cooler air brushed against her skin, signaling their escape from the burning apartment. Sora finally exhaled and lifted her face from Hakbin’s mother’s chest.

Gasping… Gasping…

Shallow, trembling breaths barely sustained her. Drops of sweat fell from Hakbin’s mother’s chin, landing warmly on Sora’s forehead.

“It’s okay now… Sora.”

She looked down at Sora with a faint smile. Her blurred eyes, unable to focus properly, wavered as she looked at Sora. She stumbled forward, taking another step, and then collapsed to her knees. Startled, Sora slipped from her arms just as her body crumpled to the floor.

Only then could Sora look around. The apartment hallway was still thick with smoke, and flames danced from the doorway of her apartment. The walls and ceiling were blackened with soot, and the heat still radiated intensely. An instinctive alarm blared in her mind, telling her to get away from this place.

“Auntie…”

Sora shook her urgently, but she didn’t move. Her skin was red and blistered from burns, and scratches and scrapes marked her arms and legs.

Tears streamed down Sora’s face, blurring her vision.

Just then, the cold, automated voice of the elevator announced its arrival, and hurried footsteps approached. Sora wiped her tears and looked towards the sound. Two figures emerged from the smoke. The larger one strode purposefully towards them, the smaller one trailing behind.

“Sora! Hakbin’s Mom!”

The familiar voice belonged to Hakbin’s father. He rushed through the smoke towards Sora and his wife. Hakbin followed close behind, his eyes wide with fear and anxiety in the dim light.

Hakbin’s father quickly checked his wife’s condition and immediately began CPR. He pressed hard on her chest, desperately trying to revive her, giving her mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

Beads of sweat dotted his forehead. His pale face was contorted with despair and tension. The crackling of the flames mingled with his ragged breathing.

“Please, please, honey…”

He whispered pleadingly. But despite his efforts, she remained unresponsive.

Flames and smoke filled the air. The heat radiating from the burning apartment was suffocating, and the acrid smell of burnt wood and plastic hung heavy in the air.

The wail of approaching sirens grew louder, but to Sora, even that sound seemed distant. A painful silence filled her ears.

“Mom…”

Sora turned at the small voice and saw Hakbin standing there, dazed. Reflected in his eyes were the image of the burning apartment next door and his collapsed mother.

A large teddy bear slipped from his grasp. The bear, likely intended as Sora’s birthday present, wore a smiling face, a stark contrast to the chaos surrounding them.

“Honey… No… Sob… Sob…”

Hakbin’s father desperately continued CPR, but his movements grew increasingly despairing. His tears shimmered in the smoky air as they streamed down his face. His cries grew more and more desperate. All the sounds and sensations swirled around Sora, overwhelming her.

Then, Hakbin’s gaze shifted to Sora, who was trembling beside him. Sora looked back at him, paralyzed with fear. A potent mix of emotions flickered in Hakbin’s eyes as he stared at her.

Anger, hatred, resentment, murderous intent…

It was a night when all the dark emotions of the world pressed down on Sora. Overwhelmed, she lost consciousness.

The fire consumed everything. Sora’s home, Hakbin’s mother’s life, and even the relationship between Sora and Hakbin…

The inferno took root deep within their hearts. The memories of that day burned and burned within them. On that day, when everything was reduced to ashes, their emotions turned to ash as well.

That night, Hakbin developed pyrophobia.

🤍

Eighteen years later, Sora’s birthday arrived. Seaweed soup was served for breakfast as always, but no one mentioned anything about her birthday. It had been this way ever since her seventh birthday. Sora’s birthday had become the anniversary of Hakbin’s mother’s death.

“I wonder if Hakbin’s dad will be okay today.”

“He should be with us, shouldn’t he?”

“Of course. We should be there for him…”

“I know, but… I wonder if he’d rather be alone. I don’t want to intrude.”

Sighs filled the air above the dining table. Since that day, Sora’s parents, who had left their child home alone, had become burdened with guilt. While relieved that their daughter had survived, the weight of their guilt grew heavier with each passing year. Of course, Sora’s guilt for causing Hakbin’s mother’s death was the heaviest of all. Every time she forced herself to swallow the seaweed soup, it felt like the food was stuck in her throat.

“I’ll go and ask him…”

Sora put down her spoon, picked up her school bag, and stood. Her father rubbed his face wearily, lost in thought, and her mother followed Sora to the door. The quiet, subdued atmosphere of their home felt completely at odds with the occasion of their daughter’s birthday. Just before Sora stepped out, her mother stopped her.

“Sora.”

“Yes?”

“Be good to Hakbin. Okay?”

She knew. The only way to atone was to be good to the remaining members of Hakbin’s family. Sora nodded and left the house. Waking up early every morning to pick Hakbin up for school was also a form of atonement for her.

Hakbin’s house was a ten-minute walk from Sora’s. It was in the opposite direction of their school, a significant detour, but Sora had been picking him up every morning since elementary school. He wanted her to go to school with him.

Since that day, Sora had done everything Hakbin asked, no matter what it was… It was a meager attempt to soothe the grief of a seven-year-old boy who had lost his mother.

The old house behind the green gate bore the marks of the years the two men had lived without Hakbin’s mother. The walls, covered in vines, were adorned with a profusion of vibrant trumpet creeper flowers, as if trying to hide the sadness within.

As Sora neared Hakbin’s house, she stopped. A deep sadness permeated the stillness surrounding the house.

An unusual heaviness settled upon Sora, anchoring her feet. It was the weight of guilt. After the fire eleven years ago, Hakbin had suffered from temporary aphasia due to the shock and trauma of losing his mother, and he would tremble and lose consciousness at the mere sight of fire.

Those scenes were deeply etched in Sora’s memory. The guilt was so overwhelming that she wanted to turn back several times, but the thought of Hakbin spurred her on. Her own grief paled in comparison to his.

Sora rang the doorbell at the green gate, and the door soon opened. She slowly pushed it open and entered. The front yard was still overgrown with weeds, neglected. She waited by the door for a moment, and then Hakbin’s father opened the door.

“Oh, Sora.”

“Hello. Is Hakbin…?”

Hakbin’s father’s eyes were red and swollen. Sora could immediately tell that he had been crying.

“Hakbin just woke up, so it’ll be a while. Do you want to come in and wait?”

“Uh… sure.”

He put on a cheerful face, as if trying to hide his tears, and Sora pretended not to notice them, despite having seen them clearly.

He ran a hand through his messy hair and led her inside. Sora took a deep breath and cautiously stepped into the house.

The living room was dim, filled with worn furniture. Even the faint light filtering through the windows couldn’t dispel the heavy atmosphere.

Sora sat on the sofa, her gaze drawn to a picture of Hakbin’s mother hanging on the wall. The smile in the photo hadn’t changed. Every time Sora saw that smile, it ached in her chest. The pain was a recurring wound.

Was it because it was the anniversary of her death that she felt so on edge? Even though she came over every other day, everything felt uncomfortable.

As always, Hakbin’s father offered her a glass of orange juice in a plain glass and gestured towards the old bathroom door. The sound of running water drifted from within.

“I tried to wake him up, but he wouldn’t budge.”

“Hakbin’s always been a heavy sleeper.”

“He’s so lazy. He must take after me. His mother…”

He stopped mid-sentence and swallowed hard. A long silence followed the awkwardly truncated conversation. The ticking of the old clock marked the passage of time, a time without her. The sweet orange juice left a bitter aftertaste. Sora forced a smile and asked cautiously,

“Do you have time today? My mom wanted to invite you over for dinner…”

“Oh, you don’t have to…”

“Still, if you have time, please join us for dinner. After you visit the charnel house…”

Her thin voice was unusual. As if noticing this, Hakbin’s father gently took Sora’s hand.

“Sora…”

“Yes?”

“I’m telling you this in case you’re feeling guilty, but Hakbin’s mother would have rushed into that fire even if it wasn’t for you. She… she was that kind of woman from the moment we got married. That’s why I loved her… So, it’s okay…”

“…”

His lips trembled as he spoke, and tears welled up in his eyes. His gaze was filled with longing.

“Oh, why am I like this… Crying at a time like this isn’t comforting or helpful. I’m so pathetic.”

He quickly wiped away his tears, but once they started, they wouldn’t stop. The grief of loss hadn’t faded even after eleven years.

Sora remained silent, unable to offer comfort or to cry herself. Deep inside, the weight of her guilt grew heavier.

Just then, Hakbin emerged from the bathroom. His hair was wet, and he was only wearing a towel around his waist. His body, matured through puberty, was tall and sculpted like a statue. The well-defined muscles beneath his pale skin cast delicate shadows, drawing her gaze.

Sora hesitated for a moment when their eyes met, but Hakbin walked towards her, his gaze fixed on her.

“Hey, Lee Hakbin! Your friend is here. At least put some clothes on…”

His father’s nagging continued, but Hakbin didn’t stop. Water droplets fell to the floor, creating tiny ripples. Sora stood up, almost involuntarily, and faced him.

Hakbin stopped and stared at her face. Deep, dark emotions still flickered in his eyes. They were the same eyes that held the memories of that night eleven years ago. Guilt and anxiety tightened their grip on Sora’s heart.

Then, Hakbin’s long, sharp eyes curved into a cruel smile. In that smile, Sora saw the bottomless pit of guilt into which she was perpetually sinking. His gaze felt like an endless torture, a relentless confession replaying in her mind.

“Happy birthday, Sora.”

He was the first to wish her a happy birthday this year, too. His deep, low voice, like the depths of the ocean, constricted her breath as always. Sora ruminated on the mark of guilt etched deep within her soul.

“Thank you.”

It was agonizing, but she didn’t avoid him. If there was one precious lesson she learned that night eleven years ago, it was that avoidance only made things worse. Hakbin’s mother had to go deeper into the inferno because seven-year-old Sora had hidden in the closet to escape the flames.

She would never let that happen again. She would not avoid her guilt.

At Sora’s unwavering gaze, Hakbin’s smile slowly faded. Just then, his father grabbed his bare shoulder.

“Hey! There’s a girl here! Even if she’s your childhood friend, put some clothes on, you idiot!”

Hakbin turned obediently at his father’s nagging, but his gaze didn’t leave Sora.

“I wanted to be the first to wish you a happy birthday… Did Dad say it?”

At his question, his father stopped. He stared blankly for a moment, then clapped his hands and turned to Sora.

“Oh, I’m so out of it… Happy birthday, Sora.”

His belated greeting wrapped around Sora’s heart like a heavy chain. Sora forced a smile and nodded.

“Thank you. Please join us for dinner tonight.”

“Oh, right… I’ll check with everyone after work.”

The sound of a closing door cut through the air. As Hakbin disappeared into his room, the tension in Sora’s shoulders eased.

This suffocating tension had been a constant for eleven years. She should have been used to it by now, but it still made her insides churn, her lips parched. The seaweed soup she had forced down for breakfast threatened to resurface.

🤍

He came out wearing his school uniform, or rather, a t-shirt with his summer uniform shirt haphazardly thrown over it.

“Lee Hakbin! Look at the state of your uniform!”

“What? I’m wearing it.”

“You should dress properly, like Sora.”

Hakbin’s father clicked his tongue, comparing him to Sora, but Hakbin just grinned nonchalantly. Sora offered an awkward smile.

“Sora, thank you for being friends with this kid. He’s such a delinquent…”

“No, it’s okay. Hakbin has many friends. Besides me…”

Sora’s words were cut off by Hakbin, who had already stepped outside. Sora bowed deeply to his father and followed him out.

Leaving the green gate, Sora walked beside him. He had a long stride to match his height, but there was a characteristic laziness to his gait, so he wasn’t fast. She matched her pace to his, walking slowly.

There wasn’t anything special about going to school together. It simply meant walking to school together. The only sound was the distant chirping of birds; the silence between them was heavy. Sora glanced at him and asked cautiously,

“Hakbin, did you bring your gym clothes? We have PE today.”

“No. I’m not doing it.”

He apparently wasn’t planning on participating in class again. The group Hakbin hung out with was the kind that even teachers were wary of confronting. He could easily get out of PE by feigning illness. Sora simply nodded.

She tried her best to fill the void left by his mother, but she wasn’t in a position to nag him. She planned to stay by his side like this until he became an adult.

“Hey, Pig.”

Pig. At some point, Hakbin had started calling her Pig. It had started around the time puberty ended, so she assumed it was because of her size, a consequence of her tall frame.

“Yeah.”

“What are you doing this weekend?”

Hakbin asked abruptly. Sora hesitated. She tried to read something in his eyes, but they held their usual opaque expression.

“What was that?”

“…Nothing much. Probably studying.”

“Ah, studying… Your homeroom teacher said you were first in your class, right?”

Although they attended the same school, they had always been in different classes until this year. Or rather, now that summer vacation was over, they only had one semester left together.

“Yeah.”

“Going to college?”

“Yeah.”

“So that’s why you’re all goody-two-shoes, class president and all… College…”

He rolled the word “college” around in his mouth, as if chewing on it before swallowing. It was a sign that he didn’t like the idea. It was never good to upset him. Sora quickly changed the subject from herself to him.

“What about you?”

“Me? Nothing.”

“What are you going to do after graduation?”

In about a year and a half, they would both be adults. Until now, they had seen each other almost every day because they went to the same school, but after they became adults, their paths would diverge significantly.

She believed that once he experienced the wider world, Hakbin would lose interest in her, finding other things to occupy his time. Sora was secretly looking forward to that day.

When that day came, she would be free from this heavy relationship.

“I don’t know… Haven’t really thought about it.”

His answer was as expected. Since his mother’s death, Hakbin hadn’t shown any passion for anything. Sora felt uneasy about this but tried to ignore it. He would find something to be interested in once he became an adult. She would be busy, and so would he…

As her thoughts trailed off, the school building came into view.

Students’ gazes followed Hakbin, whose striking appearance always drew attention. Those gazes, sliding off him, landed on Sora. She felt them wash over her like waves, receding just as quickly. Used to the attention, she glanced around nonchalantly, and the gazes scattered like dominoes.

Just then, Hakbin grabbed her chin and turned her face towards him, capturing her attention.

“Make time this weekend.”

“…Why?”

“I’m going out with my friends. You’re coming too.”

Sora’s lips pressed together. Hakbin’s friends and she rarely saw eye to eye. But she had no choice but to nod. Hakbin’s words weren’t a suggestion; they were a command.

To Hakbin, Sora was a toy he could play with at will.

“Okay.”

At her compliant answer, he stroked her hair with a satisfied smile.

🤍

With the end of summer vacation, the classroom, which had been in disarray, gradually regained its composure. The looming midterm exams and the pressure of becoming senior students next year weighed heavily on everyone.

“Don’t slack off, I’m timing you.”

The first PE class of the second semester was, as always, the 50-meter dash. While the other students groaned and complained, Sora stretched her arms and legs.

The students lined up in two rough lines, separated by gender. The boys went first, followed by the girls. The first group took off at the teacher’s signal, kicking up dust on the track. At the finish line, the class president and vice-president recorded the times.

“Oh my god, it’s so hot.”

“Seriously, why are we even using the track? We should be in the gym. We’re inhaling all this dust.”

The students fanned themselves and grumbled. Sora joined them, flapping her t-shirt. The lingering summer heat baked the top of her head. The incessant buzzing of cicadas echoed in her ears, like a scream marking the end of the season.

“It’ll get cold soon enough. Enjoy it while it lasts. You’ll be missing summer once winter comes.”

Sora smiled, fanning her friends who were wilting in the heat. They shook their heads, uncomforted.

“I won’t miss it. Not at all. Tell it to go away. Get lost, summer.”

“Don’t diss summer. Winter is way better. Honestly, right?”

Sora considered for a moment. She didn’t particularly have a favorite season, but if she had to choose the one she liked least, it would be summer. It was the month of her birthday. Once a year. The day the weight of her guilt pressed down on her…

Just then, one of her friends clapped her hands.

“Oh, it’s Positive’s birthday today. Let’s skip cram school and celebrate.”

“Ooh, a movie? The sequel to that movie we saw came out. But why did they even make a sequel? It wasn’t that good.”

“Hey, anything’s better than studying. We should be grateful they made it. Anyway, Positive, what do you think?”

Positive. That was Sora’s nickname among her friends. It was given to her because she was always positive, nothing more.

“Sorry, I already have plans.”

“Plans?”

“Yeah. With my family…”

Her friends clicked their tongues, as if they had expected that answer. Bright, cheerful, model student without a single flaw. That was Sora’s public image.

“Then, what about this weekend?”

Her weekend, which had been free, had been filled just this morning. Sora suppressed a sigh and replied,

“This weekend too…”

“What? Why are you so busy?”

“I know, right? Unexpected plans keep popping up.”

“Popular as always, Positive.”

One of her friends, who had been eyeing Sora with a curious look, lowered her voice and asked,

“Are you meeting up with senior Woo-seok this weekend?”

As the conversation took on a conspiratorial tone, the other students, who had been scattered around trying to escape the heat, gathered around, intrigued.

“Who’s senior Woo-seok?”

“He’s at cram school. He gives Positive snacks and stuff. Tall and handsome.”

Sora waved her hands, cutting off the rumor before it escalated.

“No, there’s nothing going on between us.”

“Really? You rejected him?”

“Reject what? He never confessed.”

“Not yet, anyway. Can’t you tell? He hangs around the sophomore classes just to see you.”

Sora closed her mouth. It wasn’t right to deny someone else’s feelings. But her silence only solidified the rumor that Woo-seok was interested in her.

“Ugh, some of us go to cram school to study, while others have romance thrown in even when they’re trying to study…”

“Positive, you’re so popular. It would be weird if you weren’t. Pretty, tall, nice personality…”

The girl who had been praising her suddenly poked Sora’s chest with her finger.

“Big boobs. If I were a guy, I’d be chasing after you too.”

“Positive would have been amazing even if she was born a guy.”

“Wow, the male version of Go Sora would be everyone’s ideal type. He’d be super tall too.”

Creating hypothetical scenarios was a common pastime for bored eighteen-year-olds. The conversation, which had seemed to drift off course, returned to its original topic.

“So, who are you meeting up with this weekend?”

“Huh?”

Sora’s gaze drifted towards a group of boys sitting in the shade of a tree at the edge of the track. They were all wearing their uniforms sloppily. Their dangling slippers suggested they had no intention of participating in class.

Among the boisterous group was Hakbin, and his gaze, as always, was fixed on Sora. The moment their eyes met, he waved enthusiastically.

“Sora, fighting!”

Hakbin’s voice echoed across the track, loud enough to be heard throughout the entire school. Sora’s friends, and even the teacher, flinched. Only Sora responded calmly, waving back. If she didn’t acknowledge him immediately, he would shout again, asking if she was deaf.

It was helpful, in a way, as it spared her from having to answer the awkward question. Although, he was the one who had put her in that awkward position in the first place.

Sora’s friends whispered behind their hands.

“They’re eighth cousins, but they’re so different.”

“I know, right? Eighth cousins are pretty distant relatives. They don’t even look alike.”

As they got older, misunderstandings about their close relationship began to arise. Hakbin hugged Sora without hesitation and often held her hand, creating situations that could easily be misinterpreted. Whenever someone asked about their relationship, Sora struggled to find the right words to describe it.

It was much darker and more complex than a simple childhood friendship. It was like a darkness rooted deep in her heart, an indelible scar.

If she had to define it, words like slave, toy, or sinner came closer than childhood friend, but she couldn’t bring herself to use those terms. So, she lied and said they were eighth cousins. That way, no one would mistake their physical intimacy for anything romantic.

Thanks to that lie, her classmates didn’t gossip about them. They simply saw them as eighth cousins who were unusually close, having grown up together.

As the conversation died down after Hakbin’s interruption, it was finally Sora’s turn to run. His “fighting” must have referred to the race, meaning he had been waiting for her turn.

Sora stood at the starting line, and at the teacher’s signal, she took off, her eyes fixed on the finish line. Her muscles, already warmed up from stretching, propelled her forward as she pushed off the track.

Sora ran, cutting through the wind. With each stride, she kicked up small puffs of dust. The sun beat down on her, and beads of sweat trickled down her forehead.

Sora blocked out everything around her, focusing only on running. Her heart pounded like a drum, and her breath grew ragged, but she didn’t stop. She liked this feeling of being completely present in her body, with no thoughts to distract her.

Sora crossed the finish line.

Her legs, which had been pumping furiously, gradually slowed as she took smaller and smaller steps. One of her friends, who had finished just behind her, playfully punched her shoulder in admiration.

“Are you a cheetah or something?”

Sora chuckled and looked at the class president expectantly. The class president, her eyes wide, announced Sora’s time.

“Sora, 7.2 seconds.”

Pleasantly surprised by her fast time, Sora pumped her fist in a small celebration. Cheers erupted from those around her who had heard the announcement. At that moment, the sunlight felt warm on her cheeks, like a gentle caress.

Once everyone had finished running, the teacher walked over from the starting line to the finish line. The students lined up in front of him again.

The 50-meter dash had taken up two-thirds of the class time. There wasn’t enough time left to do anything else. The teacher took the record sheet from the class president and, as if intending to fill the remaining time with chatter, scanned the times, nagging the students.

“I told you to run properly! You can’t neglect your physical health just because you’re studying…”

The teacher, who had been muttering the boys’ times, let out a gasp as he reached the girls’ section.

“Go Sora. 7.21?”

At his question, which was a mix of surprise and admiration, the students’ gazes turned to Sora. The teacher’s gaze followed, searching for her. Sora, who had been catching her breath, met the numerous gazes and offered an awkward smile.

The teacher smiled and clapped, and the students followed suit. Sora blushed at the applause. It felt good to be recognized for her efforts.

Just as everyone knew Hakbin for his notoriety, everyone knew Sora for her good reputation. Sora, with her easygoing nature and friendly disposition, was well-liked not only by her classmates but also by her teachers.

“You could have been an athlete… It’s not easy for a girl to run the 50-meter dash in the low 7 seconds.”

“I don’t usually run that fast. I guess I just got lucky today.”

“It’s always the talented ones who talk about luck… You haven’t trained for track, have you?”

“No.”

“Hmm… What do you want to be in the future?”

He asked, genuinely curious. Sora was a diligent student, which meant she wasn’t particularly focused on any one area. This made it difficult to discern her interests and passions.

However, contrary to appearances, Sora had a clear goal in mind. Glancing at Hakbin, who was still watching her from a distance, she answered without hesitation,

“I want to be a paramedic.”

A brief silence followed. The teacher’s mouth formed an “O” of surprise.

“Why? Not a doctor?”

The teacher, seemingly aware of Sora’s academic standing, asked. Sora maintained grades good enough for medical school, placing her among the students he needed to encourage to apply to prestigious universities. But Sora wasn’t interested in what society deemed a good college.

“Even if a doctor is fast, they still have to wait for the patient to arrive at the hospital.”

Sora clenched her fists, recalling a memory.

‘Sora, it’s okay. Let’s get out of here…’

Among the countless things Sora regretted about that day was leaving Hakbin’s mother unattended until his father arrived. If she had known how to perform CPR, could things have turned out differently?

Perhaps Hakbin’s father wouldn’t have lost his wife, Hakbin wouldn’t have grown up without a mother, and she wouldn’t be living with this crushing guilt. Telling herself it was okay because she was young felt like another form of avoidance. Sora had decided to confront her guilt head-on.

“I want to go to them. Faster… faster…”

She hoped that by following in Hakbin’s mother’s footsteps and saving lives, she could one day be forgiven for her mistake.

Forgiven by Hakbin’s father, by Hakbin, and by herself…

🤍

After Sora started attending cram school, Hakbin began hanging out with a different crowd. To Sora, they all seemed like bad influences, but since Hakbin was at the center of the group, she didn’t say anything. She, who was nothing more than a sinner in his eyes, had no right to tell him who he could or couldn’t be friends with.

Unlike the mornings, when they walked to school together, Sora usually walked home with other friends. But today, she was walking home with Hakbin. She wasn’t going to cram school today. Her parents would probably be closing the restaurant early and getting ready to leave as well. For Sora and her parents, Hakbin and his father took precedence over everything else.

As they walked, several motorcycles passed by, their riders acknowledging Hakbin. They were all his friends. They were in the same class, and because of Hakbin, she had often been in the same space as them, but she had never really spoken to them.

They kept glancing at Sora, smirking in a way she found unsettling. Hakbin noticed her discomfort and waved them off, and they quickly drove away.

The smell of exhaust fumes and cigarettes lingered in the air after they left. Sora watched them weave recklessly through traffic, suppressing a sigh.

The image of seven-year-old Hakbin was so vivid in her mind that she couldn’t bear the thought of him associating with these people, even if he was their leader.

What would Hakbin’s mother have done if she were still alive?

Would she have told him not to hang out with bad influences?

Or would she have let it go, like his father?

As she pictured Hakbin’s mother’s face, Hakbin grabbed her chin and turned her face towards him. He always did this whenever her gaze lingered elsewhere for too long. He stared intently at her, then gestured towards the direction the motorcycles had disappeared.

“Is there one you like?”

“Huh?”

“You were staring.”

What was the intention behind his question? Sora thought for a moment, then answered honestly,

“…They were just… noisy.”

“Annoying?”

“Yeah.”

Despite her criticism of his friends, Hakbin smiled and patted her cheek lightly, as if praising her.

“They’re fun guys. Not as much as you, though.”

Even though he ranked her above them, Sora wasn’t thrilled to be considered his most entertaining toy. She suddenly wondered if they, too, were just toys being used for Hakbin’s amusement. Even those delinquents seemed to be wary of him.

Hakbin then lifted the bag Sora was carrying. Surprised by the sudden lightness, Sora looked at him. He raised an eyebrow and asked,

“It looked full. Why is it so heavy? Are you moving? It’s bulging…”

“Oh… I wasn’t going to cram school today, so I thought I’d study at home.”

“Why study on your birthday?”

For Sora, her birthday was just another day to tackle a mountain of homework. While she hesitated, Hakbin snatched her bag. Startled, Sora clung to the strap.

“Hey, what are you doing?”

“Give it to me. Let go.”

He tapped her hand lightly, making her release her grip, and slung the bag over his shoulder. The backpack that had felt like a turtle shell on Sora’s back looked like a small, stylish travel bag on his. It was the difference in their size and posture.

“I can carry it. There’s no need…”

“It’s fine. You’re already a pig, it must be hard to keep your shoulders straight.”

Pig. Sora unconsciously looked down at her arms and legs. Thanks to regular strength training, her slender frame had developed some muscle definition. She was satisfied with the results, but that was just her own opinion. Objectively, she hovered between average and underweight, but her height made her overall weight higher.

Now that she thought about it, she was bigger than her friends. That must be why Hakbin called her Pig. But Sora didn’t mind. Wasn’t it better to be bigger and stronger? That way, people could rely on her more.

As a satisfied smile touched her lips, Hakbin suddenly asked,

“What are you going to do in college?”

“Huh?”

“Are you going to make me ask twice? What are you going to do?”

“…”

“There must be a reason you’re going to college, paying tuition and investing all that time. Like… what major you’re going to choose and where you want to work.”

He pressed her for specifics. She had confidently told her friends that she wanted to be a paramedic, but for some reason, she couldn’t bring herself to say it to him.

She was afraid he would mock her. She wanted to tell him later, when she was stronger, both externally and internally. Then, she would be able to tell him confidently that she was following in his mother’s footsteps.

“Um… I’m thinking of majoring in nursing.”

“A nurse?”

“Yeah… something like that.”

Sora mumbled. It wasn’t entirely a lie, as she needed hospital experience to become a paramedic.

“Seriously…”

“…”

“Never mind.”

He sighed, as if swallowing the words he was about to say. He always walked her home when they went home together. Today, he accompanied her to the lobby of her apartment building and carefully handed her back her bag. The bag, which had seemed light on his shoulder, felt heavy as it settled onto hers. He smirked at her as she struggled with the weight.

“Want me to carry it up to your room? So weak.”

“No, I’m good at carrying heavy things.”

“Sure you are.”

“Really.”

“Hmm, I’ll believe you.”

He untangled the twisted straps and patted her shoulder lightly.

“Go on.”

He gestured towards the elevator, which had arrived on the ground floor, and turned her towards it. As Sora stepped inside, she asked,

“You’ll come over later, right?”

“Of course. It’s your birthday.”

His languid eyes crinkled at the corners as he smiled. Just as the elevator doors closed, he offered a casual farewell.

“See you later.”

🤍

Five people sat around a table at a fancy Korean restaurant Sora would never normally visit. Her parents had insisted on treating Hakbin and his father to a lavish meal. It was the price of their daughter’s life.

“You really didn’t have to do this.”

“Please, eat a lot. This place is supposed to be really good.”

Even the individual servings of ginseng went to Hakbin and his father. The blatant favoritism made Hakbin’s father uncomfortable, while Hakbin struggled to suppress a smile.

“Hakbin, eat up. Is there anything you want? I’ll buy you anything you need. It’s been a while since we’ve seen you…”

Sora visited Hakbin’s house almost every day, but Hakbin rarely came to hers. It had been a while since her parents had seen him. Hakbin replied with a faint smile,

“Really? Then I want a motorcycle.”

His cheerful reply made his father’s face harden.

“Lee Hakbin.”

Hakbin’s father set down his chopsticks and lowered his voice, and a sudden, chilly silence descended upon the table. Sora’s father tried to break the tension with an awkward smile.

“Uh… anything besides a motorcycle? They’re dangerous… I ride one for deliveries, but motorcycle accidents are really common. Especially for kids your age… So, what I mean is…”

“Are you worried I’ll die too?”