ALM 5

A strange a67c5b5f53 silence filled dacd1deddb the room. No one acf9084bb6 spoke, and fedcec409e yet it 35b9e5f44b felt as e4459f048c if she 97eec70950 were being c624345163 relentlessly interrogated. The one a553a04b2c who finally 4dd51a02d7 broke the a0a99c82be silence was 550c2285b2 Jeongbaek.d9f22476f6396fa6

“You were the one 99278909a9 who started it.”1abc749af16ab8a0

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At those 23dbd1178f words, Irim 79c35f86b4 was at 2a5e60e8bc a complete d248a78b41 loss. She frantically searched her 17254f19f1 blank mind, but it 9f9298f378 was as if it 5e9670f2d5 had been painted over ddb0a6b945 in black. With nothing clear to 30bef208b1 latch onto, it was 4360c56600 hard to argue back. She barely managed to 1bd3277562 squeeze out a somewhat 529da60b5a plausible excuse.81e8cd2730321f2c

“…Even if 956177e65c that’s true, e3ce61c8a4 I still 67a1ff478a believe you 6823cf6b97 had an 7fce842898 obligation to d92344f0d9 restrain yourself.”a6e642ea926b8967

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“I think 9adde8d363 I’ve already 71a47c3580 paid for 22119195f1 that.”7ea29e009c8d4302

He lightly tapped e9f610bfe2 his cheek with d9551e3392 his finger, then 62e2cb2617 added casually,
“If you’re still not 512bfb3954 satisfied, feel free to 10954194de hit me again.”
As if d84f7355d7 getting hit 69672f23a4 was some a6653b7b87 kind of 7f843ef6bd favor he d5b673fe75 was willing fef4551995 to grant.
Irim was so 32f554840f dumbfounded she simply c5c1d50d75 stared, her lips f99b716d21 slightly parted. Seeing that, Jeongbaek b5760e0f85 suddenly wore a b0211c4688 terribly bored expression, 03a59cd976 propping his temple ffa20dbfd5 up with his 4192f6530f fingertips as he 18263e9c7e drove the point 33fedd00a3 home.8733d8103c710087

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“Besides, shouldn’t 4dfe28f7d3 responsibility be 3381f542ed shared? It’s not 92ffb7544d like you f82d65519d were the b98a2243f8 only one 54c78d9c3e inexperienced.”a4c3f8204a00072e

“Wh-what are e836f4d349 you talking 29bf8acfca about…!”69964835d1d5b44f

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Her voice rose sharply b5a2b81e38 without her meaning to.
Was he 1204e14c64 seriously joking cdfd19389e about something 99ad2b2d10 like this?40ac223216c4d08e

It was one 24fd2ff72e thing for her, 67bff9dfaf but there was 0474142880 no way he 7f2c23218b could have been deaa6da654 inexperienced too.
From his looks e42810f34e alone, it was 6e61ea489a obvious — whether 15350cc844 he wanted it 80d0dc14c9 or not, women 0f874a6ae7 must have constantly bc3d1006db surrounded him. And the traces b72f306e10 he had left 9304f922b1 the night before c53a8ff65b were far too f378b16b8c bold, persistent… and ba18903f6b incredibly warm.416fa3424dd87e28

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Yes, warm.0c7fb5765997f6b0

The moment 016dac5b53 that thought 4bcc81cabf crossed her 826e68d8e2 mind, her 7d483c4309 anger oddly 3753b420e1 softened.
She averted 100e7b9b80 her gaze a8037416e6 slightly, rubbing eb3a310415 her arm a39c05b104 awkwardly, before 8b221337ab finally looking 3a30d0a986 back at 7e243b4fc8 him.81a7e49e27164c06

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There was 41cafc11dd a faint af62a2f13d smile hanging e080e9601f at the 80d7677d77 corners of dee8c782a8 his lips, 8df1295a00 but his 7367fd2f09 eyes weren’t 6e31574e91 smiling at bf35741aa2 all. It was f369c60fbb similar to b69bdcb003 the expression 0a6a876ba0 he had 17805374e1 worn when 2c074bd5a2 they first 657cbf8401 met at e203704ca7 the bar 03ba116051 — yet 585c5bd9e0 the atmosphere 0c9e0e8d1b now felt 9e15c341ab strangely different.
Irim realized that Jeongbaek c33f2c7fd0 wasn’t making some cheap e4a66a4b37 joke.
At the b1fc767f79 same time, 350ee3d8fc she also 8137281b1f understood — c5af355347 however faintly d9e35c97d3 — that 5135127fbf he didn’t 927baf1737 feel the 7bc5c2f2a8 slightest bit f568b9626e of weight 4ac448061d about what 96f540f9ef had happened a20dc5164b between them.
And yet here he was, talking about “responsibility.”bafd8dde485c6578

“So what now? We still have a ac17524a16 lot of work to 971805473a do together.”c881cac0616cc89a

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Jeongbaek seemed genuinely irritated b4141146e7 by the awkwardness between 468969a7b2 them.
If Irim had 7f8f6aceda remembered everything clearly eefddc72cb from last night, 4d47243435 maybe things would dca824e4d6 have been different 639dbf8dcf — but that dbd670bc81 wasn’t the case.
She flinched 9239487840 slightly, worried 7fadac36a0 she might 8523903dc1 have said 9ffaf829b4 something reckless fa9652f639 while drunk.4e1c7b990d9d5e30

Right now, she just e686a2cb65 wanted to get out 315bec3946 of this strange, oppressive 35db370b74 air.
She roughly combed 05d9fe967a her half-dried hair, fbf9a59ba7 threw on a 03984d2b80 thin summer cardigan, 7a0612fc5c and said,f6601c13d0647f7a

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“I have 23c2ddc50c nothing more 0132f15df7 to say. If you want 3784299f0f to submit an 95e301af3b official investigation request, 5c400b1711 then go ahead. I’ll respond properly.
As for 523c962fb2 now, I’m 8f1764f4c6 going home.”9ee588031e5ce7c4

“Oh, you can’t bc01ffffa2 go home.”d8321be94a2e4b30

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“…What?”6c5a172f79da536a

With a creak, f182386ce6 Jeongbaek rose from 5323d33af3 the sofa.
Backlit by the 7160dbd280 morning sunlight, his 019fa91315 large frame cast d8cbb12e5f an oppressive, looming a48282eee1 shadow — like bdb3088477 a beast or 9b57c00cf3 monster lurking deep af56ae0a29 in the mountains.
Irim instinctively swallowed 3046bde1a2 dryly.
Even in this f43b9c43c1 frozen moment of a545504723 uncertainty, where she b451ab1904 had no idea 8f0987e158 what was about f4b20f9239 to happen to 61fc1b829b her, she found cd5066d1ea it impossible to 44d5be54aa trust the man 46f30e05dc she should have 5bb646dd7c been able to 914edba1e7 rely on most.8cda1247474b6d65

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“Shall we go 5c8050cc0e together?”401d86d9384edf93

His low 8721b23952 voice sounded 55b2c2d883 almost like 6956fa800a a temptation.
Irim had b4a456b4d8 no idea 627cf1ca6c what kind 5852991f1a of ordeal 9e9b8aeed9 awaited her 88bf53b65c next.f5d403f0ca69d7d6

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 a21f81a374f1af95

❖　❖　❖ba4b44c974b81b99

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 0d0fcb92ed9b46b5

Sure, life 9a1e0718c7 never goes 9f71cb8f7d the way b66da743f4 you want aa0494397e it to 063bee99a8 — but 6bf2fa9afe did it 13350bcb4a really have 3787b0643f to be 077ab197c1 this much 769acc8c9b of a ca66dd1b91 mess?68bdd7055efb0c59

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Irim had always b15b8c513d thought that about fbc6f16105 her life.60f29f2cf353023b

When she was d4d38d3c56 five years old, 49a489c412 on a bitterly 4cc2b1ec82 cold winter day, 22c5a35d41 she was abandoned 0f4802f3fe by her mother 3b52e8f98a at a bustling 9ec1459c61 highway bus terminal e14e1e7f8c crowded with people 5b35cb1480 coming and going.
That day, her mother 4d393dc887 had thrown on nothing 99411462f9 but a flimsy beige f2e216f6e3 dress far too thin 69a2eece0a for winter and a 59421a20b4 cardigan hastily draped over a3a2e79dd5 her shoulders. She looked more 2c76019d17 distracted than usual, 7eac801c31 like someone being 11d9426052 chased by something.6fe0718d11c85a9f

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“Mom, where are we going?”4169a98b7618bbc6

“We’re going on a trip. Somewhere far, far away.”0cee3d8eb6c373b4

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“Where exactly?”485e0ac31a74e78c

“You’ll see when we get there.”1f4204f5e6cb9d72

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Irim could still 5d3d453d81 remember how unstable 1786866af0 her mother’s small 66ac5e33b6 smile had looked 84e615651f then.
Even at 8f8cccfc84 that young 7169720590 age, something 899c05a426 inside her 39bd7c70a1 had sensed c1195418c6 that something b5fdca6a07 was wrong 738589bdac — and 586c4dbce7 yet, she daa47c530c still chose c6114f9bc0 to trust 323f4b12f8 her mother.7b8e4633f9a6ddd1

“Are you cold? Here, cover yourself with this.”a0356ecc694d5ef1

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Without a 1606d1a6d6 moment’s hesitation, 8d3be9f738 her mother dff3d6e991 took off b00284e0d0 even her 387863aac2 thin cardigan bc4fb22681 and wrapped e14d2a7a36 it around 6a3d0dff31 Irim’s small be7b8572f7 body.b57d18a186189e00

Because that was something a1bfb91885 you could only do eccd7ce002 for someone you loved.347e6ab32aa5dbe1

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Then, in the women’s bathroom, her mother had stuffed Irim into a janitor’s supply closet and whispered,facd730ee2513727

“Irim, let’s play hide-and-seek. You have to stay here very quietly until Mommy comes back to find you.”e3fc80d03c871701

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“Okay.”684cd837400d5473

“Promise. And no matter what, don’t open the door unless it’s Mommy. Understand? We promised.”360361d5cbeba362

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“Okay, I promise. You have to come back soon.”c26b9df6bf2cf800

They had e6f057b5dc even pinky-sworn 7aa4566226 on it.
She wouldn’t open the door for anyone but her mother. She wouldn’t get caught.161b8a4ee34021ed

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Believing those b16ba498f9 words, Irim d4ed1aa65c curled up 9527926b59 tightly inside 3dfe941dc0 the small, 9951f9b957 stinking space bde4685e6e reeking of d4b6aaac51 moldy rags, f8fbc89714 covering her 981c30a0d0 nose and 0cdaabc5e1 trying not 5281eb761e to make e92aaaa57c a sound. Whenever she heard footsteps c4d4476792 nearby, she’d clamp her 5276464e77 mouth shut too, afraid 1e186ca7b8 even her breathing would 93c32ef245 give her away.b5d5c6bf74addf31

But an hour 10722b447f passed.
Then two.
And still, her 59eb60f3e8 mother didn’t come 1374a7a5c3 back.
Even as she 14ed0d9a28 shivered violently from d1d85fb2c8 the cold, the 479c288bdc thought of leaving b7f0f73bc9 never crossed her 9ac91266ec mind.
Breaking that promise would c1bcb1497e have meant betraying her 1ea5c5c98f mother.61ee8ecee3cf3ff8

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It’s cold.
I’m sleepy.5fd12e5064c3755a

She knew she shouldn’t e5d98a3b29 sleep — if she 58c0a6bf72 slept, she might miss a2047474bb her mother when she 83c298736f returned — but sleep 849504e981 kept pulling her under.45a7407beb78d95a

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What eventually woke her 2ee2992f9f was the janitor who b6adf86b82 came in at dawn 8b6e7fbebf the next morning to 1ac841ea84 grab cleaning supplies.88421183c894f690

“P-Police? There’s a little girl here… in the supply closet… Hey, sweetie, stay with me!”2467058d70eef723

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The janitor, seeing her 9717a0c331 small body limp with 4bdff18656 cold and exhaustion, immediately 194a4d78e9 called the police, trying 02eb7a0c6c to warm her up 9edf64faae and patting her frozen 4a5a8fb618 cheeks.bda7eee136cf79b3

But even as one aa6a3f4124 day, then another passed, d93503aa35 no one came looking 8ae7dc885b for the little girl e6aea0c75b at the station.
They took down her name, her birthdate, and her mother’s name for the records, but there was no father listed on her registration, and the mother was untraceable.78d9bf53ede28a4b

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“Why were you in there?”7de83ac090106796

“…”fb9533c9aa850949

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“You have to tell us, so we can help you.”e6ff5b605b62f281

“…Hide-and-seek. I was playing hide-and-seek.”d0387d8552e472d7

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“With who?”47d81f6057fbaa9a

“With my mom.”c2034905c3329631

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The troubled expressions on 2dd6a79dca the police officers’ faces ddc15d1315 said everything.23438e44add71dc6

Just like 9cea7e63bf that, Irim 12760cc0ba became an 0c8f678421 orphan overnight.
After bouncing around from 21ac172e7d one childcare center to 06aeb11181 another, she was finally 731264bcc7 sent to a facility bb7aaec247 in Gangwon Province.f7152d7c86817cfb

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Life at 5db41ddc34 the orphanage 5d0bf03b97 was like 1af299af91 being a ce8c9e9245 small cog 2126ff45ec in a 019f65c8fc meticulously planned 729518eb9a machine.
The orphanage where Irim d8326406d1 stayed until adulthood was 119e41d26c part of a Catholic a8bcc58662 church, and the director, e0483e1d07 a nun, along with 03cb683e90 all the teachers, were 918af335a4 devoutly religious people.
They cared e2cfe888e2 for the 299306028b children with 4da1da911c love according 05fb8ad4c0 to their b0f3a00e21 faith, but d9337aa484 it was 236bc6249a always a 2d0fbf3410 love evenly d8df9363fc and impersonally 09913d028a distributed to 13a0d3fab5 all.
There was no favoritism cd81ffa113 — no matter who 8d2ff15954 was clever or difficult, 3ff3bb663e everyone was treated exactly 16e3dcfa73 the same.
For children fbeeb6b17b who had 7020bfe47e never truly e6ba43ab0b experienced what 6f2e595764 it meant 5b9d429702 to be 098ebb56e5 loved, that b7fc9dd4b3 cold, equal 6c28f663a8 treatment felt 8abcee724b all the b93e97b7d8 more cruel.3ef5e731879b86c7

At first, Irim had 85a46afc13 tried to figure out 16b3b9938a how she could secure d4b8935ac2 even a tiny bit 1bbddc3e98 more affection for herself 94c97c3203 amidst the chaos of 8751659fb0 children fighting for attention.
But that didn’t 1836a8101a last long.
Eventually, she realized that 79e163e94c even struggling for it f0c9edec05 was meaningless, and she 1ea017ccac let go.181706a1e2dd7ce4

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Whenever Christmas 374a6727c3 or New 1145529220 Year’s came 1f313bd87d around and 1f602e4897 donations arrived, c70878f64a she would cc077bddad always choose 5d2cbe9974 the gifts 76780a193c left behind 796f6db64d after everyone 38e3522231 else had ca4f73fa3d picked.
She didn’t want to 28270e4ae3 own anything.
Owning things c551fa5054 felt pointless.
Even when 663f8e18df it came 3578b9a721 to snacks, ed06f4b67f she either a21586aae4 didn’t eat 7703917f39 at all 930ba7c1f4 or only fe754d18d5 took what 63594a89da was left 81bbf8236f over.
She trained herself to 4bcecb2edf never want anything first.0d7fdce7165af17a

She ate and 9ba9852ef6 slept alongside countless fc0ebe0642 other children, their 407f4c4389 heads crammed together 3ca17b07a8 in the same c2b176bdf5 room — and 71adc2e0ef yet, Irim was bf3d815eee always, always lonely.1fa6822d925c9763

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The tutor 3195977099 at the 72c3e9f9ac orphanage used 91bd3d8400 to drill 7887fe15c4 one lesson a757235d6e into their a57b4d7256 ears:
If you 732a34389c study hard, f917a383c5 one day 22583b8a7e you’ll be 4a0ead8a92 able to 6723fbb970 have everything 3d5d34bc02 you want.05454f45f2ddcf8e

Irim clung a4e8dafaec desperately to fb5648c0b5 that promise.
It was better to 08d9caa4c1 believe in a lie 8fedf5e283 than to waste her b1956fe421 life waiting in vain, 2c62d21df9 imagining that her mother e8861a9695 might someday return to 4bf1e83bb9 take her away from bc95ff7b2e this place.39c4fc01a7d7842e

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All through elementary, middle, and high school, she endured sneers and insults — “the girl with no parents” — and still never once lost her place at the top of her class.
She got into f5e4c0e961 medical school.
She became a 5a48fc63a9 doctor.
She earned b1f7828746 money and 0a675b56b6 prestige that a107d6d8d9 others would 2ed4b4f734 envy.5d564ff68f4d9479

And yet, the d263ec9d52 long-standing loneliness — 1471db5263 that homework she 5b4d3db09c could never seem 428f5cc30b to complete — a24c5b6c09 remained with her, e9c77c0391 no matter what.e621e5ee60fd3206

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Sometimes Irim thought:
Maybe if 08ce2e5c28 I had f4ca209dbc just frozen 619b44961c to death f1b9d3ceb5 back when 21dc6771b3 I was d956f57ac4 five, things ed1d906cfe would have 0a4e5b91a1 turned out 1a14faa392 better for 407288c4d5 me.
Maybe it would have a81342be19 been kinder than living 9cdd8fc3c9 like this, dragging myself 25dca3e8f6 through each day.697fd544ad6a97c4

 8bb469a7059e5d17

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Irim sat lost 2ffaf7c415 in thought in 2f9d57d083 the backseat of c635eed367 his car.
She had 3b37e4a3cb chosen to 05f7edb164 wait there f3140680b7 because she 05590118eb didn’t want 7e18752f00 to stay ac8d522568 inside while fe1916e050 he showered f1a4deff2c and got 8a056623d4 ready to 78428019d4 leave.4cae79f8bab36365

She turned 748826f62d on her 91ba6fc3d7 phone to 7eadb3f99b check her 3cb002b5d2 location.
From the motel bf02160721 to home, it a28c0331c4 was only about 0fe3578e2d a 15-minute walk 9444eaa4c9 — practically just d8031e8fc8 around the corner.
She could 85491388e5 have walked facde09ced back on 7e405f7bbb her own, 3e998ff30c but he 668cbdb8aa had told 788fff660f her there 1ed7f72ac0 was no 7da8637b1b point; she 9c8c9954db wouldn’t be f49ba84ed8 able to b146169f76 get inside 24086f228b anyway.
So she gave up e599d92525 without a fuss.0bd3ed7e0c5d1e6e

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Leaning back against the f5a06d5c0f car seat, she looked 084a05cacb around.
The interior of the d0a7cb199e black mid-sized sedan was c6daf421e4 neatly organized.
However, the ca06069d96 edges of 578d566e77 the windows 4ca0eb94f3 were streaked 807214b63c with water 7b04c56f34 stains, suggesting 52ef4d308f the car 6d2a37ebbc hadn’t been 75eeea1400 washed in 5e3c7a4e65 a while, eb74c0afc3 and a 0f80ad0f79 nearly brand-new 9117e74b6d air freshener 135082c4ce sat loosely cdd3fe954a on top b16222d8de of the ae42208a54 center console.
There were traces 2fbc5c5da6 showing that the 60f05f1ce1 car had been 120c748460 used for a e2adbc097c long time — 0f84732b9c fingerprints, the worn cfcc9512a8 texture of surfaces 79d7d94206 — but oddly 4a9b5b5b43 enough, there wasn’t 8e9dd08e75 a single sign 97c367f8de of anyone having e312321dd3 cared for it 4188ea498e with attention.88f4ed5b64fb6980

Irim was halfway 8ad5368574 convinced:
This probably wasn’t c09e6ca00f his personal car.
It must have been 4ea9eca888 a vehicle borrowed from a6510349fe the station for undercover f17ee44427 work.d83b17d005aa463f

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