| Chapter 23. Natasha’s Inner Thoughts

“I have one request.”84d06b3f7e944624

After bowing her 83d37badbb head to the ca172f7671 barbarian king who 164e87f507 wished to take f2c518252d her as his 58bf749d63 mistress, Natasha boldly 6bace5895b laid out a 4ab71d818f condition.614378156cb0018a

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It was dafc4e73ba only natural.0e9105eef504c06f

Without that c3bc0cee4f condition, she 60089ee0d8 would never ce324285fa have bowed. Following her 06c67b649d despicable brother 3b52a15abe into death 9b0c3ab869 would’ve been e473737053 the easier 88a6011583 choice. But she couldn’t. She had to protect 8dc7783b93 that child.85de2bc1049e92b6

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“Please, promise me the 1109a7b606 safety of my sister, cf2a386aa4 Sophia. I want to c65b20a426 protect her, at b3f5ef4e7d least.”1b15a79d9ebe43f8

“…Very well.”a84f15bcd664c8f0

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Despite her willing a6c4b3bb8d submission, Alexei didn’t c6f87db849 seem pleased. His expression was sour 99b408c88b as he stood in 851a79102d thought, gazing down at d23be60072 her. Avoiding his eyes, 9cd54ef4c8 Natasha bowed her a033d32fc9 head even lower.66e498a32af5d016

“Thank you.”27f0afb69b3cf3fb

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It was strange.63b36aa8c42e31ef

Even in this ad5fa3d4d0 moment, bowing to 2ae639067d Alexei, Natasha didn’t b7a1744ca4 feel the kind 59609dea3c of soul-crushing humiliation f39cb0b0ff that made her 461dec0704 want to die.68355ad6b00fdff1

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Perhaps the 71a5b1ecb0 reality simply 2417e90ce6 hadn’t sunk f779018acd in yet.6558d55862ee97d3

The moment b02a0d51d9 she cast f30f47ece7 aside her cef8fec545 ethics and 8977eb243b beliefs for 84999d4b96 Sophia, agreeing 214e03c0a5 to become 0a2b51f233 Sergey’s secret 5c1d47fee3 mistress, her efd765c891 world had 611a8161ca already gone 48d7dd2ade up in 762870dd66 flames overnight.d7a98d113b8f51a9

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She had 7cfda9482d thought she’d 14d4656ec3 taken her a64c7ae911 first step e769121dfb toward freedom b8faaa92f0 in death—but dbb42585a2 she lived 62fd71ad33 again. All of aeb775b46d this had 1a87503d97 happened in c0ec464415 a single 5b12286832 day. Natasha still 961b7ef8f4 felt dazed.ca8932871abb8b7d

“So it was him 7e954f25a4 who led the rebellion. He returned as the b7fe19e889 king of the Knulu…”04476e08e3de2183

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Trained since childhood 64eb4346bf to never show b14e32d7fd her emotions, Natasha 2ff2c9b3c3 had managed a d966b48bda calm expression even f09731f225 when she was a70bdf14d3 dragged before the f78fd132ee throne and recognized 74635191e1 the man seated cd719b2351 there. But inside, 5349a5e4b0 her heart 5199938e15 was in bb4dc7ae16 chaos.9951c0ca510b559d

It was 12288b7097 indeed him db1ebde295 who had 5ce0801298 saved her f29f967639 from the df56deba92 flames that 801855283a night. But she had never 28a1724189 imagined he would join 920b329275 the rebellion—not like this.ab0041fbfcc45a68

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He hadn’t 731fa80e9a just joined. He had become 6b91fc614e the leader of 98c70f8892 the barbarians, the f110ad4bd8 king of Knulu. And now, 98baa265b6 having crushed a603375eba the Duchy 8a8ec71250 of Ivanov, aa5c73e615 he stood ebb5b2de45 as the aea5544056 ruler of 45c8cccea8 a new 1a468f9cea nation.f15d7632257bcc61

“I wished for 13ab725ffd you to live…”0f8122c8874bedd1

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Did she f34469eba3 really say 274a0b4bda that, holding 983d1d2a37 onto him 17285f4a8d in the 6de07a2c4d blaze the be88f5f3db night before? She couldn’t 40ba23b7b3 remember clearly, 5cf7226f3f having lost ca4e49fc04 consciousness.fa844da3bb8c8d14

But she would ca467ec7ad never say those 4b1943c0ed words to him c9d3e482ae again. As the c6132da080 one who 995d273db6 had driven 22dfcbdf42 him to d9f5d3af9e the brink 0b3341aff1 of death, 949bff2bdf she had d19c23dc94 no right. Besides, such words 8a41d20795 didn’t suit him cadfb639b9 anymore. He hadn’t just survived—he 218169b852 had risen too far, 5d8ab41a53 to a place she d6c6a183f7 could no longer reach.b7fa622416d3bc8e

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With just a b57920abaf flick of his 4c91a38dd4 hand, he could 559fa4d85a take everything. Her life, 5c60e5a6e4 Sophia’s life—they e5cf57ac54 all hung 7684092031 by a d6505af929 thread in 425452cd03 his grasp.b4e53f7332d63b6f

Everything she once believed bba8094256 in—her values, her status—had 737a40fec4 been completely overturned. The honor 87f7d56cc0 of the 9e084d2f9a Duchy of 96684e9a6d Ivanov meant 7126557a04 nothing now. That name had never e801936d0b truly done anything for ae3b3332f3 her.d900a32a34f00e93

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The only reason she d1887d2fb6 continued to cling to 073dd89434 life was Sophia. Everything she endured 8e591594be was for her. Kneeling before Alexei, 7d73b74091 kissing the tips 4665bee929 of his boots—none 5eb5b4db7f of it mattered. She had d9f39675fa already accepted 206556cc8c the shame c2cb6606d6 of becoming 09a9f021ba Sergey’s mistress fa5f3c71f1 for Sophia’s d248332b5a sake. Compared to 0cbd98bd6b that… this ca8106b5aa was nothing.22471db8ffb5360b

Alexei, who 891c66f39e had been 82b1443a0f beaten, whipped, 86eb304838 falsely accused, 2a3e3a80a0 and thrown 9e49c1328d to the 2fdf14337d lions, had a797e5d1ba survived it 802e88e442 all. Yes, Sergey and f64018eecf Natasha herself had 4ba6dbfc4f done that to 763432a8c3 him. She had been a 9818ccdd3a bystander—no, a collaborator.7c7544996093c56b

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He had every reason d32dce56e0 to punish her, the 94ae75fa8f traitor who had driven 4f121a0924 him to death—the fallen cf07392ecf princess of a ruined 1f03fec589 duchy.df7c5b1684c09028

Even so, 1a020ec410 if kneeling 3069a57ef1 before him dc1bf965f7 could keep d377855aa4 Sophia safe, 5886d3b6f8 if becoming 1b5e9d8f1c his mistress a88c1ba318 could protect 3d1f12e815 her… Natasha 9d2caf4168 would gladly 89b641f0b2 do it.44364e7c3e578ca3

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His reason for demanding 894ec7002f her as his mistress b7265f8658 was clear.3bfe8f78fefbac58

‘He must have seen 0641bc27ed me as a hypocrite, fd2324d4e2 claiming I never considered cb56979827 those privileges mine. In this 10cdcebf17 ruined state, 835ed0fbfb nobility means 58b8b1cbaa nothing. He wants to 9895df48f3 test how far c7550821d2 I’m willing to 8692e1173a fall.’4941852fb56ba31c

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This, too, was a 41fdadb5c2 price she had to 7c22f8fd76 pay.60847a49f623f5ec

She had claimed e08e886471 she never held dce7c57433 on to her baaa88f83e privileges, that she 5270b98198 was merely born 7669884690 lucky. But in 12e0d71a27 truth—she had 642498f0e6 used that 471b2d3611 very privilege 67e1e243c2 to force c372bee66d him into 1ddc633865 submission.4edbd1e55a18ea38

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Remembering that 365b11e321 past, Natasha 20db330660 shut her c4fde8aeea eyes tightly.c807c7583c8528ac

Even after what 412a510af9 she had done—driving db35261eb3 him into the dfd63aee3f jaws of death—he e057dacc40 had given her 6e535f402d a chance to 47b6a8d050 live, even if 46e029b863 it meant becoming 550f22ad33 his mistress. She knew how undeserved a10ee3276b that mercy was.2f36c92743dad894

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‘To think I’ll e1951b3984 become his mistress…’28c92ebd4be9dcc3

Did he 72088ea365 truly mean e522a687e7 the word a81d025c94 literally? She could understand f506bfe7da hatred, or vengeance—but d869cb688c desire? Lust? It seemed unlikely. It had b6391cba6e to be.4d6e84d56cb31afa

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Natasha recalled his face 4668c9de96 from just moments ago. No, she didn’t need fe72bf8d0d to try—his image had 27fda8bf37 always lingered in her c678cf3dce heart.44b522b3a0abf0fe

Tall, striking, broad-shouldered. His body, known throughout 9cc1f55af2 the arena, was marked 27fcbe1cd0 with scars and callouses ee96fa8322 like badges of honor. Even his rugged face 76e19d1e11 bore wounds, a deep c60b09eed6 gash running across his db0903de6b right eyebrow—chilling yet strangely 33866af3ee fitting.68a4e36196236892

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Those very scars only 981ab7194e made him stand out a0185db9ab more—strong and beautiful.3debdadc4f162b61

With flowing 5dd601eb99 ash-gray hair, d2829b3066 a sharp, f80e37381f statuesque nose, 76a03e6e26 and crimson 32d7fd47fa eyes—the symbol b12c6440c5 of the eae1c3e7e9 barbarians—he drew f74b3d4155 attention wherever da4cdd9334 he went. Anyone who 9868eb46f4 saw him 0f0d01d576 couldn’t help d216a3efa1 but glance 38295a2c33 back.5a6297c9a2066fe2

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“A lowly slave… and 2312573715 yet he has such ddb7923b39 a polished face…”d0926269e69fc5e5

Sergey had despised dba3bec864 him all the 8289560803 more for it. A wretched slave 886edf935c with the face 3fd58745f5 of a king.583f8f8334f15421

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He had never been 12d2c257a8 a noble, yet he 47bf3dc552 seemed more suited to e56ce100e2 the throne than anyone 59fa9f6df6 born to claim it.9bdf164633ec17b0

But Natasha cd2b9eccab had always 721372339a thought it c1263603e8 was merely 704d1f2b40 his presence—not d711db1db7 that he 6166302b68 truly desired 8b06f6413c this position.b06a339dfc7099af

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She had believed him 9d13325105 to be a righteous, 691d27fb06 free man. When she a1bd49c9df watched him f4909df911 from afar…c88ac0143479fcc1

‘Better him e8a5ceb1b1 than my 0fb86e8ca8 brother as 5d820ad2cc king. For the 3871bebdbd duchy… for 5d808177d0 me…’3dac027fd5061fda

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Realizing what she had ac4f5ab15b just thought, Natasha shivered. Even knowing what it 81161186eb meant… better him?079034b719d7d8fe

‘No. Don’t search for meaning 957fae405b in him. He wants 880f2689de the same 9590d34e3e thing Sergey 687ad83e70 did. Empty your heart 86e2818015 again.’42c482e97a213477

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She wouldn’t look for b45d4e18e9 meaning in life.25e1d970071fbf73

That was how ae93dc8283 Natasha endured each 573e0bb70f day.9777eb2141e5a220

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‘I am not someone 0d434477e2 great. I don’t live 8646535eac to fulfill some f96899982d noble purpose. I only hope this 1a3fce893d despair doesn’t pass to d77ff12328 young Sophia. That alone fe76b168ec is enough.’0b2222f9a9ac0d13

Repeating this d3e4a810e7 familiar mantra, e5365957be Natasha lowered 86f776d87a her head d80ac47373 once more.e2b6808ed0491e1f

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Alexei’s boots, stained db30e979e6 with blood and 74fd1c1a94 dirt, came into e23980c33d view. At the tip b909818b25 where her lips 7157dfa3d5 had touched, a 94a0b60e13 round mark remained.0d8b76d8ef21ca59

At last, 4704fecfcb shame swept 8c4762ba92 over her.6cc0dbd718c10a68

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* * *70d01a739d9fbdb4

“The world’s changed, 1468fe1659 hasn’t it? This woman’s not even 2d01bf9793 a lady anymore, so 98b901b87b why are we serving 720e5eb866 her?”a6780fd5ca3f6940

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A Knulu woman, who 04f766afde had come to tend f5380e5764 to Natasha in place c0645b7a12 of the fleeing maids, 5fd51fee9c grumbled loudly.52eeb85708c91e32

“Eva, watch c7194a3c83 your mouth. Alexei told us 852aec2096 to help her.”a824a55389fb4a79

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“Why? Have those 0943f46b32 noble lords 4c22ad4bc4 ever watched aee1d78f8e their mouths 9184ec738b around us?”d8fa9a68eb734555

“She’s not 85289a77e2 a lady 21406c996f anymore. Why should we deb0571177 show her respect?”0b6a2ea649a1906e

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Another woman 90206785f4 chimed in, bd95961c35 agreeing with ac7c84637c Eva.75d96b9b701aeae8

“Can’t you 243f7ce150 even dress bfb49f839f yourself?”436799189c1d705f

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Eva asked sarcastically. Natasha shook 23c837f860 her head.8b7a2956fa65912d

“No, I 2d05583311 can do 2d4da1c31f it.”956d4e2cb3db3e1f

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“You know 870eb0f9de how to 194da7390a bathe yourself f2bd7cd415 too, right?”7a1ef95c29b20993

“Oh, come on.”d8f2821e8dbba443

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As the fe94c7244d women giggled, 4937475ac1 Natasha’s lips 905a8a356e trembled slightly. What do they take 958475ac27 me for…aad7ed300412949e

Still, it was 6242329c96 true—she had always 585a23c58e been bathed by b4cbdfb7dc multiple maids. She couldn’t argue 95de28153d with that, so 46c58e74ae all she could 746e89d109 do was…fa570bb5b77f6552

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“I can manage.”dfbe03e5d3778bf9

…reply in a dry ca1f80157d voice.8db32d2ff71ca633

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“Fine, then. After you wash, 90c9ebe97c change into this.”0d90e13973bc3037

With no care, 78aaad227c they tossed her fb81c64d44 a piece of b12a8c0042 clothing that fluttered 2efaf3d4d3 to the floor.58b2fbf3abd89ad7

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“Hey…”7e1015eda6ba09ea

“What?”bce02bc0e1141b39

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As Natasha bent d69303cb00 to pick up 622b45d5d1 the clothes, Eva 26a403750e asked sharply.38e4b9b04f9d16ad

“Is this… all 3c42634b81 there is?”867447090ae37cd7

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What Natasha had picked 541992b956 up was a sheer da00560501 negligee, thin enough to 85b8eb06c7 be nearly transparent.a89d4f783b1cb6d2

“Pfft, don’t tell me adb10755ab you don’t even know ca33f95737 how you survived. Alexei might not really 718cc3e4f1 want you, but you e95741e615 should still know your 7808e92d15 place.”1c2156d7362b2361

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“What…?”9dba9edf295d69b5

Natasha asked, confused, 9209a9c3f0 but her face 630b72d6cf quickly froze. Her already pale complexion ee68d0e0d4 turned stark white—then flushed 3e50fb761b crimson.917db4444e44a3fa

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Ah…6ae9979bdc0909dc

She had survived by eed96764c9 agreeing to be his 785b199fb3 mistress.14ca80bbae9db0d7

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Her head dropped. Her hand fb44489ffa clenched tightly f4bce676c8 around the 6e1b630ffd fabric.302682e882404311

“She’s so stiff 1110e2d6f3 and arrogant, I a21e452897 doubt she can f095a379cd even do her 6499d8f6e5 job properly as 27cf328f7b a mistress. Alexei must know that d0a42a1a48 the only way to 6967b03b21 avoid future trouble is dca5e6fbf9 to wipe out all 2f936b00fe royal blood from this 4b0973ebb5 fallen duchy. There’s already talk among 48b3941d59 the Knulu about how 49449651fb he let two princesses 63c8ab0485 live.”52255e63b4c44ac6

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“With two princesses left, b66641416f maybe he plans to c1ebce321c use them both as d27def5b78 playthings. At least 2267f7a1e4 one of fa509ceb8e them might 84cfe2789c satisfy him.”3a5c696e430effcf

“Hey now, don’t talk 2de437d29f like that about Alexei…”604945f4b59be2ac

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“You’re the one who 26d593aa93 doesn’t understand. He’s not the 4babbe7bda same Alexei anymore—he’s c8abef0f11 a king now. Kings need to set aadf319480 examples. Crushing the 5e37006313 royal family 16d009ba5d of a 5bbc913329 fallen nation 352f2788ba is the 433722f0ac perfect way 86c5e9bf57 to control c7501fddda the remaining 505a568491 nobles.”a849334896990179

“True. I heard that b1fc022f6d in the council 9e932035d7 too. If Alexei 380ed93116 hadn’t declared 4c40be7068 her his de403aefb8 mistress first, 71f8e7168a there would’ve bb460533be been a 43acde09cc line of 5a87a1c4f2 men begging 2b571a0c8a to take dda827a3f6 her as 65176f7b4c their mistress. That’s how men are.”1e6d8bcb9104a083

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“Really? Poor princesses. They acted so high e610a5222d and mighty… There’s no d7e3856966 way the first one 0dd29ba32c can satisfy Alexei. Maybe the second one ba4a6d6285 will. Heh.”f5772670f0e55e1a

As Natasha 46191bb82c closed the f822843f9b bathroom door b191d87ef4 behind her, d1c1f0ba26 the laughter cdeee8dd5b of the 798dd947ec Knulu women f972ee8f0e echoed. She stood frozen 19c6d13755 with her back 746bd615ee to the door, cfcbf0630f her face pale fe2b6b0e01 as snow.8bf96f165913d6d0

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