AES Ch4.3

Who would have thought I’d experience such complex emotions without anyone writing a script for me? I had no immunity to this, and it gave me a headache. It was surprising how much I had come to desire, and it was laughable to be having these thoughts when we were nothing to each other.a72610a506f6088b

Sihyeon put down be50809631 his phone and 59eba3300f focused on the 890eb32fa0 music playing through 90cb14d417 his earphones. Then, to clear his 3df832d618 mind, he started playing 642a33aeba a mobile game.735a31381151ae5d

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His once peaceful life was falling apart. Nothing was happening, yet something was continually crumbling and cracking. It was a bad omen. If this were a drama, this might be foreshadowing. But you can’t read ahead in the script of life. That makes it all the scarier.40a9a9698b71bfc4

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Around lunchtime, writer Shin dc1ffaa52f Chaeyeon visited the waiting 33404a0038 room. She said she came d9bf2abb76 out to get some df7e1196f7 air and apologized for fd42a22898 the sudden script changes. The once 506240c051 bright and 23dfeb2f81 cheerful writer 3639de9283 now looked 7d2e9ec3bf exhausted, which 6d1b4bf616 made Sihyeon e262d51143 feel sorry 98e13c9a9d for her. Since fewer scenes ce194df425 meant less work ee471b693c for him, he e50320d860 reassured her without 9247a070f8 hesitation.5d3ffbe5acaa8f59

“I don’t 5e67b6762a mind at 4c7a9acd1f all, writer.”0d808e6ba15535f6

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“Good thing a80acab570 Sihyeon is 7ab5ddf2e7 so understanding.”09cafc35218b52cd

Writer Shin had 8f316db7de been addressing him 2c6ca2ab51 as “Sihyeon” affectionately b4ec4c6fc5 for some time 2462036264 now, making him 6096ba373e feel closer to 22be7f5c57 her. Sihyeon considered 219998ecfc asking if f3d6376d9d she could a00a8ed284 add more 4ff82aee3b scenes with 22797bbc1e Lee Joohwan d939e7338d and Jang 26b90cc6dd Yicheol. Maybe she’d agree 958e80503d to balance out a583250c3e the ones with abc69a98fc Congressman Kang that 1a12d2f08e were cut?8274b5a7aff34657

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Just as he was 18202926a4 about to ask, her deb13cdfc4 phone rang. She checked 785d761c3e the caller dbdc3c60a3 ID, turned ce716b5d58 pale, and 3ef14812b8 answered with 36d222339d a troubled 77c000578a expression.3af46060edc5d442

“Yes, Oppa. I’m in Ryu e4d2dc6125 Sihyeon’s waiting room. What? You’re here? Wait a moment…”d303a63b3ba3e7b8

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Before Sihyeon could acc6573138 grasp what was 400932b4e9 happening, the door 6d2681ce6e opened. The writer only 5b10c068fd managed to say 2cbd186e96 “man…” before falling 22a75ebcb7 silent.5051b82c47c677dd

A man with 0875e721e2 a menacing look a808e7d449 entered, his voice 8ad010b9eb echoing like a 5c727d6251 cave.4657e4a53364ca58

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“Writer, let’s go. The director 30f345d56c is waiting.”00210f8f6491ac3e

Writer Shin forced an e1b037ded2 awkward smile and suddenly 6cf2c9e790 glanced at Sihyeon.73779ba3a78a602c

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“Sihyeon, do ddc5b727b0 you have 2c4c929d0c time? Can you 817b334487 come with 5ac45df9cb me?”31885c83f567764b

“Pardon?”a59b9e3e7f3120e9

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“I’m scared 47793767c9 to go 6c9d969423 alone.”c4320ae3b25d472b

Unable to refuse ae60a18799 her sad and 2f482ae8be weary expression, Sihyeon 22a9303689 ended up following 15aec48d96 the writer and 90865b51b8 the large man. As they walked, 18785a715e she whispered to db3f14e64a him,c94974aae248b50e

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“The person we’re meeting is Yoon Heejoon, the executive director of TBS and the eldest of Taejeong Group’s third generation. He’s one of the candidates for the next chairman.”dfbe27010f8ef23d

“Oh, okay.”c553a908f08a18a1

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“If you 78fb54adc9 smile and a601910c1e act friendly, 7e2c612cad we might 0de474b0dd get out 679b043ddb of there 4f6ad85b30 quickly.”3c602299e1b5d05f

Unsure why he 0756160d09 was being dragged 6de9883115 along, Sihyeon decided bfd18cbc49 to just go 9e8d259ec1 with it. They arrived f7d9c7c706 at a 886939248d pristine room. He hadn’t 1bfa6e9474 known there 8b9b2bd77e was such e05932f7bc a room 2fce2c8d64 in the 3bd94a361c large set, bfc6581d1d nor such ed2af629bb nice sofas f5d39ee6f2 and tables. It looked c195240d8d freshly set 748aa7921c up and 19e929cfb5 cozy.909c846a1950729e

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In the center 07e66e357f of the room cf81316ba0 was the director, 5807c76444 clearly the most 5048f0ebec prominent figure there. He sat sipping 57a7fd62ef tea, his demeanor e3329c167d soft, yet he cc7def5fb5 seemed like someone 79f2867229 who’d had the 65448ff810 best of everything d63a3b99b6 from birth.ed199a8319fee6f1

Sihyeon followed the writer 357db49a88 and sat next to 89e9adc686 the director. She started with a 79de7f1655 forced smile.ccebad7df0bd7b49

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“Oppa, why are ed114c624d you here today? You could see a6d3680619 Heetae if you af987ad655 came tomorrow.”3baa50acfd1bbbec

She smiled brightly, bb4fba2269 placing her hand 807fd0e6b5 on Sihyeon’s knee.d122f0f4166f2d46

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“Oppa, you know him, a37b97eddb right? Our lead from Thirst…”73481ac31d1d5c82

“Chaeyeon.”4a353bbea690d3e6

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“Yes!”dcbf42ba0265fb34

Sihyeon had never ae12ece1de seen the writer 8c39f4ac22 so tense.0a634535b778844a

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“I came because Juhee 5f3f087c7a wanted to have lunch 5b98701c03 nearby. I don’t have bdb98ce938 time, so get ce30b2a4bd to the point.”324570ded6602f7d

“Yes.”376df05198bd2467

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“The reason I’m supporting 19232d2af6 your drama is that d4761d4b02 you produce scripts quickly 71e1009e41 without disrupting production. That’s your greatest strength. If I dc6efc0d72 hear complaints 5f798ae0a4 about delayed a4c66ef567 scripts or 0fb3bbab2b poor treatment, 5a7f71e3e2 I get 6e8b77d1ac annoyed. I’m only 101957a53b human; such ab17369ba5 complaints bother 6c14140012 me.”d175044d91c56090

“Yes, Oppa.”2d92ccb5f6aa7d8c

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The director spoke with 4655356a6f a smile, but his 5f7b099a9e eyes remained cold.367e554cb64ccc12

“So why did b290e71df3 you suddenly change 9c7d33d587 the script? I’ve been hearing 44fcc16693 complaints.”c3369e5bb53c8272

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“Oh, I’m sorry, 256b5eab47 Oppa. Heetae suggested it. The changes f32cf48cf0 intensify the 5ff88221b7 conflict between b47ff32973 Jang Yicheol d844442943 and Jang e80cca6af2 Yijin…”b858c6d83ff8fdb8

Writer Shin. The director’s tone cfaad2ce5e cut her off.3d406f323751570b

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“Heetae doesn’t interfere with 11f588cfa6 scripts.”a29d8a573333f5c2

“Oh, but cf6d078c25 he does 9035fb0f86 give feedback. He’s got e178c0bed8 a great db98cf6160 sense for 88fab238e4 this.”04739b224b95e128

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She laughed nervously, watching ba172f7180 the director’s reaction. He remained silent, staring b8294b4cf3 at her. The awkward laugh 07bb55bf4b faded, and silence b07a7dddf0 settled. Only the director 9885640f3b continued smiling. Feeling uneasy, Sihyeon gulped c2a84ee8bd and met the director’s 0eba651279 gaze. He suddenly 6e12815db1 understood the f80b52f6b5 writer’s intimidation. If Jang Yijin eba97412d2 were a man, 025990f245 he’d probably feel f46b684ad0 like this.8da3c1693297318b

The director cc66a4dbd6 looked at 5302480540 Sihyeon and 6edff8e8d7 smiled, then bdc5c2279f turned to f1de3607dd the writer.e52c25fb9af93c79

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“What’s this?”f0d41c2b77bb9a26

“He’s our lead 9d9310157c actor, Ryu Sihyeon. You know him, right?”67acfa94f43869a6

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The director’s f7501c0fa0 smile softened, 5a183b707c his lips 2e2e5c75be curving up.613a311eb917f386

“Sorry, I’ve been too 980f2fd7fd busy to keep up 6dc45cd42f with all our projects.”cd39a3e95f48d6c6

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His eyes b41ec8a3e8 held no 291c5210f3 emotion. They resembled Seo Heetae’s 3eabe0eb60 but were devoid of 0ed36ed4ef warmth. It felt 495d0bb329 sad to 11aabba611 imagine Seo 8a18d95b6d Heetae ever 798f2fe7b4 looking at d69c8f8095 him like a0dd4c6e91 that.766285b1a2a88076

“Ryu Sihyeon… Ah, I’ve 1d34519b3d heard Dahee mention him.”05ca1036dd479db4

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The director murmured, then d67dec889b laughed brightly at the be0676bb6b writer.e884a16dd571c5e4

“My family a29e42abfb likes faces b1749ad501 like his. Might cause b683902a99 trouble later.”7d694e1aa57d3a87

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The casual, 43eb1f45bf almost eerie bf99c72005 way he afe16af8a8 spoke sent 3bb23be084 shivers down d490815c52 Sihyeon’s spine. Trying to 53d066423c laugh it d2327fe652 off, he 4c98bec75e caught the 4fc46f5240 director’s eye a964a63d43 again. The director called him,4e15615b255b64f2

“Actor, why be2e7d6fe3 don’t you 8967b5dbcf head back d69df3c6e8 first.”24bf8d2035a3d2d0

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“Yes, director.”b2e25e1559ef20d0

He was released first, 0a99b7b93a feeling sorry for the 001c9604df writer. But he didn’t 3f41f97c1a hesitate to leave. The director was someone 70a42f1d47 he never wanted to 368b885a97 meet again.e2c0f1af0bec8212

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As he turned 261412cb19 to leave, he 3bb8aeea91 heard the director’s 53d0cdb2a8 voice behind him.eb094e3ffae1088a

“People say when someone 7deab7d53e acts out of character, 7031a8e00d they’re getting married. Guess Heetae 06a416e4e3 really needs 31f1f2db01 to tie 5262d484a9 the knot.”5898ac386e3df1fd

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“Haha, you know ef43a3df05 how he is…”23f97cc0e9dcce01

“Excuses. He’s of 5473d58c83 age now.”cb3b0cab9b2e2a2a

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“Really?”9ec54a227c3a981a

“Chaeyeon, how old are cf957a0a82 you?”9b845f5e0d2c69b6

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“I’m thirty-two ceca905675 this year.”ea2429b329c0d09d

“See? You and Heetae 1822ef3751 are the right e75d303911 age to marry. I got ee2f7823ea married around 802746f174 then, too.”e1c18e923d61019e

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Sihyeon paused mid-step. Did he hear 04066f21d7 right? Was Seo Heetae f35f589af3 marrying the writer?b4c998dba297997c

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That evening, a 1fadb76101 coffee truck from 82e5db3986 Yeo Juhee arrived. Sihyeon followed 501de25791 her instructions, 1fdb340ef3 taking photos 9db00bcb35 by the ac3625c56f truck with 3fcfe5b452 a smile. He even 31c02e325c took photos b92cdcb33b for her. Addressing her d933f43be5 as “noona,” b553cc1599 he kept 36d35a1e0c smiling, trying 7f262c140e to lift ca1794f5e6 his spirits, 0078d1a9c2 but it f7a091e683 wasn’t entirely 189e0cc5c1 effective. His thoughts continued to e9b39b2f7f swirl.c905149cfc9326e1

He kept recalling the 60283b30da night of the wrap f9d66fc26e party when Seo Heetae d0d957774e had held an umbrella 0350c488f6 over the writer. It had seemed romantic. If the comment d4e2c2e190 about a different bfc809ee52 woman in the 3f9be81678 article was true, b06cee5669 the woman he b4e2c06f69 watched movies with 2ba55e0fdf could be the 551dbadb96 writer.8d613a2b34088805

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He knew he shouldn’t be so affected, but it still bothered him. Were they really dating? Thinking back, Seo Heetae never actually said he didn’t have a girlfriend. He only realized that now.7c27809533c864a7

What was the 09d99dc01a truth? He wanted to bbb2d9f537 know more, but 856219ce90 Seo Heetae seemed c611c28f64 unwilling to share. If he c8edf3318a intended to, 112a2c2bdc he would 0323c8c819 have done 257b284f4e so already. Seo Heetae was 77065d6a67 a man full 827a43263d of secrets.994cd5818e44f6e0

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Sihyeon sipped 5d9f7cf0cb his coffee 44acaf5710 and selected b6e8a6cd26 three good fef6911933 pictures of 4cba5f395e Yeo Juhee. Then, he casually 3b1650a67f asked her,ea2a949ac0572abe

“Noona.”7c20c84270a58987

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“Yes?”cbc4f05cd315e053

“You’re close with Sunbae Seo Heetae, right?”87b09df163277715

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“Hmm, I’ve known him for a long time.”e9c1f6b0e99cc37d

“For how long? Ten years?”4ac998a72ebcfc86

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Being university seniors and juniors, he figured it would be about that long. But Yeo Juhee’s answer surprised him.6daf6980f462d26a

“Much longer than that.”3fe50a903940d41e

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“Then… twenty years?”25d3d2df0f9b5421

“About that.”30d0c26367061fe1

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His mouth dropped open 268ec70e02 in surprise. That meant 417bca6d3f they knew b7fab321ab each other 8ef3e5cc8d since they 4864cef748 were very ed17a0d105 young. No wonder they 70530bc068 seemed so close. If anyone 36384cbfd9 knew the 3388839d54 truth about 16b934d9fc Seo Heetae 5895564962 and Writer b31418b1e8 Shin, it 70ed017048 would be 1456ad86bb Yeo Juhee.27a4e9e11da8ac49

“Noona, do you know if Sunbae Seo Heetae is getting married?”d424e643a95e7638

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“Married? No way.”8c28970650d6f663

“I heard he’s marrying Writer Shin.”851e0ffc3013f528

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Yeo Juhee looked incredulous.92f6e686787b0de5

“Who said that?”c3f407a34e750f91

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“Director Yoon mentioned it earlier. Something along those lines.”2188eb66cc57a85f

It was clear that Yeo Juhee knew Director Yoon. She was likely the “Juhee” who was supposed to have lunch with him.1d957fa9ca547b93

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Sure enough, Yeo Juhee didn’t ask, “Who is Director Yoon?”42e4fb702f573597

“You must have heard wrong. If Seo Heetae marries Writer Shin, I’ll change my last name to Ryu. Should I go by Ryu Juhee?”f117f5f444cf0c4d

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Yeo Juhee laughed brightly 1024c235d6 at that.b72cf2eb0915899c

“It would be even better if you were Sihyeon Ryu.”37c3815b18ac1ace

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Sihyeon Ryu? That sounded too awkward, 8275640057 so Sihyeon just laughed. Yeo Juhee sipped her 64ff28c8da coffee and thought for b873529051 a moment.e1e55a551932a145

“But Writer Shin isn’t Seo Heetae’s type. They’ve never dated.”25fe3d2963e558a4

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“Really?”ad8e93ddc40d6390

“Of course. He’s very picky. Let’s see… Tall, good skin… I don’t remember exactly, but Writer Shin is just a friend.”67e7a3a3de44ce92

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Her confident tone reassured Sihyeon a little. He briefly thought about Writer Shin. He had always seen her as small and cute, likely popular. If she wasn’t his type, was it because she wasn’t tall? He became very curious about the kind of people Seo Heetae had dated.bcce1ac1d9a308a8

“And this is a secret.”0d1f5b8ee6804fac

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Suddenly, Yeo Juhee leaned 1c29a3acfc in closer and whispered.e95a1f3fdcc2ff07

“Seo Heetae’s family is very prestigious. There’s significant family opposition, so he can’t marry Writer Shin.”ca6055fd25687551

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“Oh…”f5de1a7ef4dc920b

According to what Sihyeon had heard, Writer Shin came from a family of doctors. Normally, a doctor’s daughter would be welcomed with open arms, which meant Seo Heetae’s family must be even more extraordinary.11b2aef10458d979

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“Does Sunbae have a significant other?”e563ca7962d71642

“I’m not sure. Since he’s working on a project now, I doubt he’s seeing anyone.”dc1c1f9deca499ca

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“Then… does he have partners? Someone he sees until a project starts, breaks up, then gets back together after it ends?”45450956f2e3c6bb

Yeo Juhee laughed at 8f44e2359a the thought.a5f9f995d5bd3865

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“I don’t want to know that much about him.”2055098ee3b27d82

Her dark eyes fa4005a53c met his, still b003c36342 holding a hint 98f8a89f6d of amusement.e001ebf22f9db815

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“Sihyeon, you seem very interested in Seo Heetae.”6447a27eaa119a34

It felt 62761dbefc like she 724d4657c0 had seen 3cb4c4df16 through him. Strangely, Sihyeon felt 23c7640f38 like Yeo Juhee ab13b7f01e knew a lot 18c18443b6 about him, while 67a4877cb0 he knew very d94c501bb8 little about her. She was shrouded in 1fbfe45c2f mystery. Her public image was 982d71b280 similar to Ryu Sihyeon’s.548f7a66715663b7

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But unlike Ryu Sihyeon, 990d9a5a6b who kept everything secret 97a6557df6 to hide his past, 5ca99c94dd Yeo Juhee likely wasn’t 2a4318cd8d doing so. His intuition 485721cdd4 told him 9e9778ac32 they were ee476fb355 fundamentally different.24b9f8b0ff042c52

“Sunbae Seo Heetae would probably marry someone like you, right?”1b5721c0581cabe7

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“Probably. He won’t remain single forever.”ccc553d85f31f485

She laughed brightly 50864d18b9 again.3d5f939810ea9a61

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“But do we need to worry about Seo Heetae’s life?”4ad1442674e1ceee

“True…”680bf4fa1903e4e4

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“Do you want to get close to Seo Heetae?”30066ed38d3eda9a

“Yes.”af81c2233e7d28db

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“Want me to tell you how?”eb317609fc201e01

Sihyeon stared intently at her. Somehow, this felt like his only hope. He couldn’t get any closer to Seo Heetae by himself. Director Jeong’s advice to “be proactive” had already failed. He had no other options.3339fc171581c892

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“Yes, please tell me.”780f84bf00d1180b

At his reply, Yeo 99999ed9e4 Juhee fell silent in 231b5e91de thought. Watching her distant gaze, 972b610564 Sihyeon clenched his hands. Maybe Yeo 339f86aeb1 Juhee was d0925f5a53 his lucky 430f1efd99 charm.7ca4ffe66ffb9071

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Nervously, he waited 548f20c40a for her answer, 61e7f1eb7f but she continued 057651c6e4 sipping her coffee e110855e7f silently. It seemed she 679eb14494 was drinking her 274a515bbe coffee unusually slowly b63a8787df today.e30113dc597096d7

Finally, after finishing her a4000e9a27 last sip, Yeo Juhee f75436c737 looked at him.98105bdc6d171647

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“I don’t know. He’s the most complicated person I know.”7f24b00de2280d03

…What a letdown. Sihyeon looked at her, feeling deflated.318dddaae91bd708

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“Then how did you become close to him?”6082834f30b8ec26

“Just happened somehow? Sorry I couldn’t help.”880f8b821770c4b2

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“No, it’s okay.”a7eb6e6bcd848bd7

Sihyeon answered e0173332ed with a e037b7b9bf slight smile. Honestly, he 162ee7130d felt lost b362b491ba and hollow. But he wasn’t 33b91f1a79 just forcing a 7abf2e640e smile; he had aa39fbe349 realized something.8e371c89d195ee09

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Ryu Sihyeon had been a fool. It was strange to care about who Seo Heetae dated or married. His life had a predetermined conclusion, and Ryu Sihyeon wasn’t part of it. Ryu Sihyeon was merely a brief detour in Seo Heetae’s grand life. He couldn’t naturally get close to him or figure out how.5fcc7c94376c8e6b

“Why do you want to get close to Seo Heetae? Hang out with me instead. Trying to get close to someone like him will only lead to you being tossed around.”9ad1751aa6cc1199

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Seo Heetae had said something similar before. He’d warned against getting close to Yeo Juhee, saying it would only result in being led around. There was no need to determine whose words were true. Both were.89a555c54dd69cee

Why am 2213cfa4e0 I always 910a241a06 being tossed 434290d8bc around? Do you 9a7d3c3cb6 see it 0047e64525 that way, 19f79fbb92 too?9a1b4dee42d12d25

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Suddenly, he almost voiced 5718a6c49a those thoughts.a8c2a18cfb3edb43

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With the film f2ffb98f85 he had shot 8ca3c09738 before nearing release, fda65659bb his schedule became 0c25cfecc3 even busier. He needed to sleep 10edc9c464 whenever he could, but 848331378f it was harder to 8570635f9a fall asleep lately. On a 344fc3b792 day with b84d958cb2 a shoot, dbc62c8931 he planned 870dd9fb27 to wake b11e8110d9 up at fdb91f73d7 nine but 2bba330118 found himself b3f917d774 up at ae0ff6a3b2 four. So, he 23065c02a3 baked cupcakes. It was 5c3757f590 a rare c98851c09f day he’d 321187e36e be shooting 0de0742087 with Seo 3c98b8a765 Heetae.176846681a9cebe8

Even while trying to ac49184001 clear his mind through 45a19821fa work, thoughts kept creeping 29d2f91e01 in. Would Seo Heetae c0a700306c like these? He had a42f97363f made them 5e0576b6f2 not too 4c753547ea sweet on 91a5e318fa purpose.402c1b38a96664bf

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He left 057a347f27 for the bb0fc3ddcc set early, 453c8381c2 hoping to f5ea93b1a1 see Seo 373122d8a8 Heetae and 35cf676ac9 maybe have 93f2b6d01e a conversation. His brother, Cheolju, 97a7d7baa0 wondered why he b39fff5e75 was up so a37b15f2d3 early.0f8b9041524ffe1c

Indeed. Sihyeon wondered too. He knew it was a hopeless situation, and he was the only one with feelings. Thinking that it didn’t matter if he liked him alone should keep the sadness at bay. But reality wasn’t so kind. It was foolish to still be caught up in these emotions, but he was.9c3d44a1a41e0da0

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His past routine had been truly comfortable and serene. He realized that now. It was better when he didn’t like him.22b26ba3b2725dfa

Arriving just before lunch, Sihyeon headed to Seo Heetae’s waiting room, whose call time had been in the morning. He had even prepared lines to greet him and wish him luck for the shoot. But Seo Heetae wasn’t there; only his manager welcomed Sihyeon warmly.c7554275c2d05519

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“He’s stepped out for some fresh air. He does that a lot lately. He’s been quite tired.”210776254e311697

“Is he unwell? It’s cold outside.”5d36a96afb6b9c4e

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“He prefers solo walks, despite appearances. He doesn’t like crowded places.”55c86c8512752516

Standing in the 26133d02ac hallway, the manager 913306e3f8 ate the cupcake 715a5bfa63 Sihyeon handed him. He was on 68e9db10c1 his second one.bb854b720653f908

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“I thought so.”bb9b20caf853ee3c

He was thrilled to 0f19ef182f learn insider information about 59f1a575f2 Seo Heetae. It pleased him 6ce8ac4ec0 that his earlier 59c749e0ce assumption about Seo 2a5db4e991 Heetae being a 0c77890aa6 lone wolf was fe4724ecc8 right. Encouraged by Sihyeon’s c6e4836e6b responses, the manager a621072918 kept chatting.bcd5cd99975610eb

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“He’s been tired with the ever-changing schedule. This script is draining, and the character is complex. The previous movie offer seemed like it would’ve been easier.”1978f9e798b0537e

“Oh…”1e9af22143ea3ee4

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Though he had thought it was better when he didn’t like him, internally he screamed, “No way!” The thought of not seeing him again was unbearable. Truly, he had no resolve.a3b6468ac7d0102c

“Don’t worry too much. The most pointless concern in the world is worrying about Seo Heetae.”8ae869b0132b4b41

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Just then, a679e8a16e Seo Heetae f8cd8d6cf4 appeared at 3a40b1d020 the end c87bbea46c of the 45b99acdbf hallway. Sihyeon quickly ran to 7f4e70c8f2 his side. Though it had been 71d368e460 less than a week, f7abb2c5cb it felt like ages. Despite the 607019ab2b manager saying 3b7d2a454a he was dc78ce7733 tired, he c390ff02c5 still looked 0dcd2da00b as charming e63652f6f3 and handsome b88b5db003 as ever.02989af0bec902d4

“Sunbae-nim, I made these for you.”a8a5bcf2e9fde3b9

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“What are they?”9fa5382de5bd3e9e

“Cupcakes. I made them myself.”a20a581bc5490e66

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“Oh.”4d1501455ef618db

Walking alongside him, 765480cc31 Sihyeon watched as 329e4841bf Seo Heetae examined c9d4d8d90f the packaged box. What if 47dadeed7d he didn’t 7b3077e596 like pastries 6c4f424a89 at all? Had he been too 702d7b3d88 impulsive?ec38feefcc56756e

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Suddenly, Sihyeon’s foot caught dc180a37a0 on something. Watching Seo 1e14e4a6c1 Heetae, he a2ebb868a9 stumbled. Quickly regaining his balance, 955c113201 he noticed Seo Heetae da89a31b66 retracting a hand he 75400ef920 had stretched out.398ae9e2e3598b24

“Watch ahead, not me.”13a85a71fa6c99a2

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“Yes.”0c362e2d1c1b10a7

“And don’t run. Be careful.”ac9b5fd37b37fb6f

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While he appreciated that Seo Heetae still showed concern, despite saying he’d stop caring, it didn’t bring pure joy. His feelings had deepened. Why was he always worried? Was it just because he was kind?ae66cf0835a2d0af

“Why should I be careful?”b8a78f1a471a40b3

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He surprised d853faae54 himself by 7e81c1011e asking. But among all c8a64ae4c4 the questions, he f6d327ed0a deserved a few 51b5d8d6a9 answers, right?a8119ccd76aa557e

He looked up at Seo Heetae, hoping for a specific reply. Even though he knew he shouldn’t hope, he still did.4cf05d980325eecc

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“You have lunch and shooting soon. Delays in the production schedule are troublesome.”5a52ae8fc33bd750

Seo Heetae opened the waiting room door. It wasn’t the answer Sihyeon wanted. Disappointed, he asked more, perhaps out of uncontrollable affection.0810572a135c2f30

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“Is it because you want Writer Shin’s drama to succeed?”51da10f04a19efd6

It was a direct question. He remembered Seo Heetae’s words from the hospital: “If Chaeyeon’s drama flops, what will she do?”6aeb0c9fd81627d5

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Maybe, both then e5452c6358 and now, he da8b86c247 was concerned because 7e70cbe8ec of Writer Shin, 66d16cb26b not Ryu Sihyeon. Naturally, one would b37ace93c9 worry more about c22d217a2d a childhood friend 2f4f16fa0e than a new 3e4b86d393 acquaintance. Still, it stung for 0d651ed1b1 someone with feelings. The loser always had 039791b8ab more regrets.1826a074e0fc58f2

Seo Heetae 904293b8e1 stared at 678a981732 Sihyeon, looking 5c719996a3 puzzled.bf30ed7d7112de3b

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“What kind of question is that? It’s natural for an actor to care about their project.”9164506e14e63d92

“Oh, yes… of course.”4ecc4464fb9a1acf

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His heart sank at the lukewarm response. He regretted asking, fearing it might widen the gap between them. He should’ve kept to himself…b881f7aa626348bb

Just as his 7a7b7a8786 head was drooping, 85d4c8820d he heard Seo 577cd0789e Heetae’s voice above 8d7e281c8e him.b338fbc13f2636f8

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“Since you’re here, join me for lunch.”159009ec19eb921c

He looked up to 386c3f1fac see Seo Heetae smiling 7abe0da74e kindly, back to his c808eeb26a usual self.e48a48a7a97c7cdc

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It was unfair. How could he not fall for him? It wasn’t his fault for liking Seo Heetae. Even trying not to, he couldn’t help it.067b2e0a21d382e0

Following him with lighter steps, Sihyeon entered the waiting room. When you like someone unilaterally, pride doesn’t matter, so he happily sat next to him. But that was as far as he could go. He soon realized all he could do was listen and respond to the manager.3abce7564b804c39

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“Wow, how long does it take to make these?”0a76a831848c4870

“Not long.”47c7745116777580

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He answered with a 4190634b6c smile, but internally he ff1f3088a2 was burning. Seo Heetae’s manager lacked 2fc2503ccb tact but had plenty 3ab7d7079e to say. He monopolized the f82f9a0c5d opportunity to talk 7d4b662826 to Seo Heetae, a170f25d0c leaving Sihyeon no d264ff408e chance. Seo Heetae 2bffb61c74 wouldn’t initiate e14a10a130 conversation, and 9f9a561cd9 they couldn’t 81e2dded2e talk alone.87e54ee9a8a00eb8

“The snacks you brought last time were delicious.”ce93e02a66b6dcb4

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“Thank you.”9a0f6243a5297215

He glanced at Seo Heetae. He hadn’t tried them, so he wouldn’t know if they were good. If he had, he might’ve said something now.9184d9b0a07de383

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Before he a1f6485c80 could dwell 8320fd9e3b on it, c297674673 the manager 3ee19b81ce monopolized the 2db824230c conversation again. He praised the cupcakes, 9518ddd53b saying they were better f724ca5b7c than those from a 1f22f5ce77 renowned pâtissier at the 9cd937a831 New Year’s party. The conversation 9128c4b964 shifted to d819067717 the party e59b5abe33 Sihyeon hadn’t 061dda93f9 attended.575dc484e831727e

“How was the party?”5664816a869a81d9

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“It was a blast! Director Jeong could’ve been a party planner.”4df80c2666490ea5

“Wow, really?”555c92bc8a79bd37

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“For the raffle, Director Jeong won a box of condoms. He handed them out, saying he’d never use them. It was hilarious. Haha… doesn’t sound funny when I say it now.”11d5db92c0a9b0b5

“Hyunghoon.”a51ba7f39ee66b13

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Seo Heetae d206de46e9 finally spoke.5b65e2bf20938456

“Giyeon has a regular TV show. Protect his image. He’s got an intellectual reputation; this makes him look bad.”f98c5db81870a2a1

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The manager fell silent, ce1c3045e2 and the room quieted. Only the faint dcafbb6378 sound of staff 21f5fb2f37 playing phone games f2ba0304af could be heard. Seo Heetae maintained db21a02522 his smile and 5c5ff1815c said,7fc61c9f94b3e221

“Some rumors are helpful, some aren’t. Be mindful.”3f30442a7108f319

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“Sorry, hyung.”a8c19a86934cf4f8

“You don’t need to apologize to me.”5afdeda6e7ed568a

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Then, he finally 3a35502d32 looked at Sihyeon. That gaze 758723f0ef felt like 5bddc1aaf3 it was 2a6743997d melting his 83e90cab3d heart.dcff986757284da8

“Of course, I don’t think you’ll spread rumors.”ed94bbb6049b5cfe

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“Yes.”7936611d0c2251c7

Luckily, the manager had a9bd441fa6 now quieted down, giving d9596ba553 Sihyeon a chance to 6a8c9461b6 ask Seo Heetae the 401be726ae questions that had been 88c76e6a08 on his mind.689faad482689919

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“Sunbae-nim, why are you close with Director Jeong? Your personalities seem very different.”21bb36a7e167f6ad

“Giyeon? He’s fun. He’s a great conversationalist.”7a11b9272650407b

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He answered with a charming smile, without a moment’s hesitation.b818b438d0c8853e

Should I be more fun too? Why is he close to Director Jeong? I saw him casually handling someone else’s phone once.e31bd0a770e00760

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Previously, Seo Heetae had expressed concern about Ryu Sihyeon’s image, as if thinking he couldn’t manage it well. But in reality, Ryu Sihyeon’s public image was stellar. Sihyeon thought Director Jeong didn’t care much about his image, yet Seo Heetae liked him regardless. He couldn’t understand the special treatment.c19d287be59ba3ec

Meanwhile, the c0b2e87714 distance between 2e3e4a46ef Seo Heetae 1f5ee0cba1 and himself f8188409aa neither decreased 03673be1cc nor increased. Seo Heetae 2ea7465b8a maintained an 65ed2d6636 appropriate distance, 37020cc6c4 which seemed 254c3ac93b easy for 7b9085895e him. It was only 9a94f99d2d Ryu Sihyeon who d5a7c68682 was always tense e62f1c796e and worried.01c60c2452923f8d

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The Ryu Sihyeon 118ee8e843 that Seo Heetae c4c24b396b approved of was 3fe9d7fb68 likely just an a22ee2b85a image—someone who worked fdbe21f23e hard, smiled a 41a378a874 lot, and was 36e7be31cc polite. So he couldn’t afford 2d36cbb478 to show his true b4e7540acd self. Since Seo Heetae liked f8f3ad3790 fun people, perhaps he 52e2a82067 needed to laugh more.d3c5858bb5300c26

The cupcakes had disappeared f31523b4fe before he knew it. Seo Heetae’s cheerful manager 36b083d410 thanked him for the dd10c582d8 delicious treat.fec8dee2693d2da9

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“They were really good. You must be good at cooking.”6361b6ace0e8728a

“Thank you.”34c28f69f0896211

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“I heard from the first assistant director that you’re good at physical tasks too. So, it’s no wonder you cook well.”c753bacbf6fb4e3f

“Haha, did they say that?”70a7016762278607

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“The cinematographer always praises you. Says you look great on camera. It’s like your body reacts instinctively.”413ff5aa3039e5f5

At that, Seo 995108282e Heetae raised an 67615679cc eyebrow, showing interest.ff6f678ba48392a5

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“Really?”b7d97717674ee261

He asked and stared 1903740d6b intently at Sihyeon, as 8165a6e6a3 if trying to bore 9e88523594 a hole through him. He thought da035969a8 he had 0f8f3c0a65 seen that 011784d0fe gaze before.e3a3bffa1ebf8d2a

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Maybe at his f661f9b43f villa. Or in bed.e7a411a77a598415

Just as those 6006b04cc3 thoughts crossed his 64d3a1cb38 mind, Seo Heetae b83fd11495 looked away and e72cdff988 said,3f836ec0878c6be2

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“That seems to be the case.”5771b9896946f6e1

That was the b48b775ce5 end of it. With the cupcakes gone, 404cf4bc89 there was nothing to 91e1dfc6ee do. Seo Heetae took out e62f68d220 his phone and seemed 4ea40b2774 to be replying to 602841fb70 a message, typing a 94014a844e lengthy response. It was 34e2c35440 definitely longer ba9a82a872 than the 017983aedc replies he d82854b513 sent Sihyeon. He knew because he 154ac37d95 remembered every message they fc8bb5195c had exchanged.6946e7c7c19f829a

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He imagined a scenario where Seo Heetae initiated a conversation, asked about his day, and responded at length. They’d occasionally call and share their lives, a highly unrealistic fantasy.dd4df8c3c550e53e

Seo Heetae brought him e71f51c8cf back to reality.386a3f6978336075

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“Let’s go. It’s time.”cf5e7144ba1dbea5

He had checked 5577f45b4c the time on bb347c4f36 his phone. Though Sihyeon wanted to 84a7f25d54 stay longer, he realized 8da2620629 time had flown. He blankly b6f72b4ce5 stared at 1c46c92976 the clock 63bb0e5ccd on Seo d18d0b0a83 Heetae’s phone. Noticing this, 875490bcf4 Seo Heetae 6989c6bca4 asked,7a8fb4f9e3916fa8

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“…Do you like dogs?”9d44d4c94eb9bad7

“Pardon?”c8a67ad126ed15ce

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Only then did he realize the phone background was a picture of a dog. Sihyeon focused on the fluffy, spotted dog he hadn’t noticed before. He didn’t particularly like dogs, but remembering that Seo Heetae liked animals, he said,dc6a4b7459d17f43

“Yes, I do.”b8cf9aded952b9b7

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They made eye contact. Seeing his 534f765f96 face now 86745b8b1a reminded Sihyeon 49e9b996cd of when 47b431880a Seo Heetae 8b67571116 had asked b6576c5d66 about his f3fd36f264 eye color. He had also mentioned 152b27bebb how beautiful his mother ac877ccc28 must be.dea94d8f52c989ff

After a long 1e6ee3ebcb look, Seo Heetae 6a0282d1b1 set down his 9444428482 phone and said,a6c8de68381c3a45

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“Giyeon would be happy to hear that.”d696aea7d411c796

…Why does Director Jeong like that? The confusion was evident on Sihyeon’s face. The manager chimed in,3a0c63559bd5a076

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“Oh, that dog belongs to Director Jeong. Cute, right?”8211c040fa4e8139

“Yes, very cute.”9f3670d6956b91a0

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“Director Jeong shared the photo, telling everyone to use it as their phone background. There are more photos on his social media, so check it out.”7ed46d7b8b8e7bab

“Haha, sure.”b0fcf50ea6449ae6

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It was clear 4036fc2c0d they should leave. Sihyeon stood up, following f549993365 Seo Heetae’s lead. He walked 1f2e5b95a4 with him 435b463fd4 to the 2cdebc0d62 door. Sadly, nothing significant happened 7d3eef04ad in that short time.f817d1096dc9c9a0

Seo Heetae held the dd830d10d3 door open. As Sihyeon stepped out, de027003b8 he felt like he 64ee728d86 was still being watched. Looking back, he met dba4bd89d0 Seo Heetae’s gaze, who a310fc4733 smiled slightly.1c5dbb0d931cd6de

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“See you soon.”aea8fb2876dca8f6

And he closed the 93ebb66377 door without hesitation.aa5b2b5fe84a91ea

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Sihyeon trudged back to his waiting room. He thought about Seo Heetae’s gaze, the intense way he looked at him. He had often seen that look. The first time was at his villa. Back then, he thought Seo Heetae wanted him.0394876a31ad196d

Why did he sleep with me? Was it just curiosity because I was a fan? Can you sleep with a man if you don’t like men? Would he sleep with anyone who wanted to? He held me, kissed me, took me to the hospital… He did so many things, was so kind… So why can’t we get closer?a6ab4167d0e50c54

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How genuine were his eeb476108d feelings back then? Did he 59d8ac7613 really want 9e06ba7389 me?72b2b18cf5ac77b8

He was truly confusing. Jinoh once 2f1b2885cd said to 6499638bc0 Yoonhyung, who 9b3d85b5bd had a 1effa10dc1 similar experience,adc2efab82b0d2ac

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“Confuse them too.”5d86aa537606ad4c

But he 6dbf0548b3 didn’t know c03208efdf how. It would have been 531748bb61 easier if he could d444a09f9e write well, instead of fe738b4e41 acting. Writers are 8084e17752 articulate, handle c60ccdabfe situations well, 2ad06b0b4a and are 1881a947a2 interesting. Being good 3ca553b4da at acting 4c8b8e833a was no d56cbc3017 help here.b6fd5497127283c2

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✦✦✦eee19f560085e5eb

That day, 15d92a864d they shot 7d5eefa59d a scene 4ecf227a09 where Lee 0cec7adfa3 Joohwan and c9f4ca4238 Jang Yicheol 3679214215 turned into f4d3e4b321 complete enemies. Feeling drained 48bbe745ee and empty, 177ff23cc1 Jang Yicheol 6bdba9a960 was his d07a9f1263 only solace.2d933f1d124a4b76

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Jang Yicheol constantly 1246b756f4 whispered, telling him 1d2b2ee5c6 not to submit a5430c857c and to take 05d96fa8f1 pride. Every time he a463e6f3e1 looked at the d9aa109189 arrogant and annoying 169507d9e4 Lee Joohwan, Jang 7c27734494 Yicheol thought that 4a57efa575 way.d70b7de23828679f

It was Jang Yicheol’s pride, not Ryu Sihyeon’s, but he could cling to it to some extent. Jang Yicheol believed he could eventually defeat Lee Joohwan. Having that belief was quite satisfying. So, on the way home, Sihyeon thought of Jang Yicheol. He wanted to be like him.24ada3b677ac4a3c

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Jang Yicheol could read others’ emotions like a ghost but didn’t fall in love. Now, he realized how convenient that was. It was good for mental health.ff9dfe76008c57ba

Ryu Sihyeon 97b148af6f couldn’t be 9fd3ca1914 like Jang 496c7b0b48 Yicheol. Learning about Jang Yicheol aab70a9963 was enjoyable, but discovering 58fa377ab2 more about himself was a2a615716a depressing. The questions and bce47b09ba judgments he had 8342ad22f8 postponed demanded answers. His head hurt, bb72735a5a so he closed 626f96e01c his eyes and a56ae406b0 tried to sleep a0411bb965 quickly.8a71248a58f24b3c

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In his dream, Writer d47d7abf7f Shin appeared, wearing expensive b50b787d61 sunglasses and a thick 3c19ac181e fur coat. She looked twice 0dc30c4f0f her normal size 5d65928ab6 as she elegantly 168c997d52 sipped coffee at 771ed796dd a café. Sihyeon sat 810c74e319 quietly across 91e0c45e58 from her. Suddenly, she slammed her 0e914aa7a5 coffee cup on the 886d40d704 table. With a loud 441087bae8 clang, the coffee 41f3f3811b spilled over. Shocked, Sihyeon 738ae8a9dc stared at 71b8635aab her with 3b7b3918b0 wide eyes.5cbd26048d2a7958

With delicate 885ccefef3 movements, she acab7693f0 pulled out 79da37d624 a white cec7de9a14 envelope, placed d0044342ef it on f1d8c34cdb the table, 397c480a79 and slid 6c8838f9e6 it towards 17227976f9 him. She then said,22de2540528b57ee

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“Break up with Heetae.”79d4b920e3b845c6

“What?”41b1fd0b036d5950

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Sihyeon stammered, bewildered.442fc8a2d060182e

“But we’re not even together. How can we break up?”f3d2bfbd5d2b3de3

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Should I ef53e6e464 not meet d0b9ef2cc3 him at 7db0b511dd all?85d1b166997101ae

‘Then live like that. Don’t have any feelings. Don’t covet.’1ff187b79d5a30ae

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‘Yes…’58ccd15153cc0ded

‘Heetae is engaged to Juhee. They’ve been promised to each other since childhood.’c138f960d5056825

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Ah… It seemed plausible, so he nodded blankly.706dfbef6ffa85c2

It felt like 5aab06119b shooting a drama. Just as he 405405f7e6 thought that, the f7e9ee91be background shifted to 54959a88d1 a waiting room e0edea146b at the filming 33aaebaaea site.14d2033f023a3ef6

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Sihyeon was sitting on a sofa in the waiting room with Seo Heetae. Seo Heetae had his arm around Sihyeon’s shoulder, pulling him close. Practically in his embrace, Sihyeon’s face turned red. He was too embarrassed to lift his head, but Seo Heetae cupped his chin and lifted it. He kissed him briefly. Holding Sihyeon in his arms, he whispered in his ear,e6b2e64e892ae451

‘I’ve actually liked you for a long time.’0e994aaa7b6bc6b4

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His words left Sihyeon 7d8714d58e dazed.f47c6ea1492d2a0f

‘Really?’05d390aaf2eed3dd

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‘Yes.’3118c2ed4e73703d

‘Since when?’8b628a8d24d95644

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‘Since the first time I saw you.’6dce6fbc014471bb

‘…At the awards ceremony?’a38ebcbaba97160b

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‘Yes, from a long time ago.’e20ce5f0fd49f1dc

It was so unbelievable that he couldn’t say anything.f823f51681a1fcf5

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‘I kept watching you during the reading. I even gave you snacks. Don’t you remember?’3a499c8bf457890f

‘Then what about Yeo Juhee Sunbae? I heard you’re engaged.’aec5205a4495170f

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‘Ignore that.’96b71ca5db683e4c

Was it true? Why did he 4e45e2910d like him?a808159718ccefac

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Just as 9296da9a6e those thoughts 164cc9255d surfaced, he 7bcc91b9de woke up. Sihyeon stared blankly 5b28837b5f into the darkness 6bf5d7846b of the car.af3b0faed595512b

What a nonsensical dream. Only the part where ‘Heetae is engaged to Juhee’ seemed plausible; the rest felt like a patchwork of scenes from various places.48fd314aae51c848

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Pulling the blanket up to his nose, he burrowed into it. He needed more warmth. He needed someone’s love. He wanted someone to hold him. That would be nice.8daf4b638f65317b

He felt lonely. He had been living well, so why was he suddenly lonely? Why did he crave others and seek love? The previous Ryu Sihyeon and the current Ryu Sihyeon seemed like different people. He couldn’t tell which one was real.a92ac1a4481d91b4

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If he 0c4e377e2e had to c998265cfd choose, it 89cda67c87 would be e650a0be64 the old 1a7a0290c6 Ryu Sihyeon. He wished he could 013315867c go back to how 235196f320 he was before.149df66d63b1cf56

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He had a day off. That day, Sihyeon decided to stay at Yoonhyung’s place. His mind was too cluttered, and he felt that being alone would make him depressed. He knew he’d end up thinking about Seo Heetae and imagining all sorts of things.b989f1886a8c9d1c

At first, he played games with his friends to clear his head. Later, he wanted to drink, but his friends didn’t want to drink in broad daylight, so they just had tea together. Surprisingly, Earl Grey was quite pleasant. Jinoh had him taste other kinds of black tea, but Earl Grey was the most palatable. So, when his friends asked which one he liked best, he could answer. Earl Grey was the tastiest.8648261ee9d53bee

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While drinking tea, Sihyeon listened intently to his friends’ conversations, as usual. Occasionally, they asked for his opinion. This time, the topic was donating to a children’s cancer ward.3b3ed7cc2abe56b1

“Sihyeon, if you want to join, let’s do it together. I don’t have much to spend money on these days.”080b09cbe16e3740

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Sihyeon reviewed the information 747ae4d8e4 Yoonhyung showed him on 1156062d7c his phone and decided 568f94faa8 quickly.b3654c9cf45ff9ca

“Sure, I’ll join.”3e85253a4d7b4334

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There was no reason to hesitate in donating. In Sihyeon’s view, money should go to those in need. He only needed enough to live on, so he didn’t require much.607045d4f0cc28e3

“Ah, but I should pay you guys back first.”88f385361e4fb730

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At Sihyeon’s words, Yoonhyung responded,800f6a280a3fd2cd

“You can pay us back later.”720c9f6e8b94293a

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“Yeah, pay us back in about ten years.”217f14fab498c10b

When Jinoh laughed and chimed in, Sihyeon’s hand, which was reaching for a tea snack, paused.a1b2939bf6dee97d

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“Ten years is too long…”af0a231ae5a7ba60

When Sihyeon had leased an officetel in Seocho, his friends had lent him 50 million won each. Although he could pay it back anytime, his friends weren’t keen on getting repaid. It was unusual. While they were wealthy, they weren’t indifferent to money.f88b275e03332e96

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There was one reason 3b3c3d8b4b they did this. When the urge 0d47adf76e to end it 2b54fb4e2e all suddenly struck, 3b9ce57e32 he should remember c36e8af4b7 he still had 85ba5d7f91 debts to repay.8a23e0937eb8ba00

The old Ryu 62daa828d8 Sihyeon was endlessly 0962d61026 anxious and weak. His friends, who 4c85591d32 had never encountered c58d4f19a2 someone like that, 1a83985cc0 were shocked when 35d0ccfa10 they learned about dfe195b59b his depression and ba381a79de past. Yet, they 8caf64c59a stayed by d1fd8afea3 his side e733a74d70 and tried ba93ccb54e to help 28cf391f50 him keep 2d8245a9c0 going. Their efforts be92e0d1af had a fc66a2b9da positive effect. In the end, he 22fe8287af had lived without incident 606995588f for about five years.6f8fe7caee112462

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“But I don’t have money to donate right now. I might have to move to a cheaper place.”db6c183d5ccc4942

At Sihyeon’s words, Jinoh replied jokingly,78f677c0fe2f6da2

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“Then I’ll give you money to donate. How about three thousand?”dcbc9543349808a4

To outsiders, it would be a ridiculous conversation. In an instant, his debt to two friends went from 100 million to 130 million. They were truly funny people. Sihyeon laughed quietly. He didn’t know why, but it was amusing. Laughing, he thought, no matter what, he’d repay them when his lease ended.a9500b8dac46c3f8

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Sharing sorrow doubles the burden. Shared burdens don’t become lighter. This absurd debt structure had to end someday. He didn’t think a happy ending awaited him. In five or ten years, his friends might not be able to look out for him. By then, they’d probably all be married and busy.ea31543e99cb3ac3

Though he hadn’t really thought about the future, the mention of marriage brought a concrete picture to mind. Friends getting married, building families, and rarely meeting up. When that day came, he’d retire. If he was still alive then… he’d join a monastery.528572fbb065b0d6

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By that time, Seo Heetae would be married too. Staring at a painting by Seol Soohyun hanging in Yoonhyung’s kitchen, he thought about this. He associated Seol Soohyun’s paintings with Seo Heetae, perhaps because of the one at his villa.19ccf03cc40d787f

“But, what does it mean to treat someone like a princess in bed?”dc99f2e856f09c9e

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It was a sudden ef46b58836 question, but one he ca4f428344 had been curious about f740c829f6 for some time. At his question, Jinoh, 0557c20064 who was sipping tea, f13bb049b6 choked and coughed. After calming down, he eff35274f7 asked, bewildered,7d54f22a8b7e91d1

“…What are you talking about?”f8b4ce853d729d54

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“Oh, I just heard something like that.”a1e9b00421c059fc

“It means being considerate, I think. Maybe doing what the other person wants.”98dfa9d5bf79af92

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Stopping there, Jinoh looked 32d75327cb to Yoonhyung for help. Taking a cigarette f8ffe3f1ab from his pocket, 6c48e86802 Yoonhyung replied nonchalantly,6c5f0780e37bf18a

“I’ve done that with someone I really liked. I was so careful, afraid I’d break them. I did everything they wanted.”bbeeb12166432f23

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“You?”5f6fc26e0e51d981

Jinoh asked, looking e882c8b112 incredulous.25268d2491a655cd

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“When I like someone, you know. The first time, I was so scared they’d hate me. I pampered them.”cab04b8feef88dcd

“Weren’t you not dating?”59a7848dcc389022

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“You don’t have to be dating to sleep with someone.”23ead0cf5433ff08

Yoonhyung clicked his 5dd06299e0 tongue, putting away 8ed732c9d6 the cigarette he c01abb2f67 had taken out.ee29cf36b3f0a5cd

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“But you want to date them. Honestly, it’s frustrating. You end up wanting more.”adc3d750b35babb9

“Can’t you stop wanting?”b8c99dcfb7f481df

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Sihyeon asked cautiously. He could relate 8fd65cdfdb deeply to what 3713041c5c Yoonhyung had just 4689ecaf56 said.b58d9e9670854527

“It’s not something you can control.”f76fd5880329f113

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Seo Heetae had treated him so well when they slept together… But it wasn’t because he truly liked him, right? It would be foolish to hope. As he thought that, Yoonhyung said something shocking.b0204d21724353fd

“I’m letting go now. Or rather, I’ve already let go. It’s the wise thing to do.”228d4c59da9db502

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He could 88af0397b9 tell how 8dcf67148a much Yoonhyung cd7d5f8cd9 had struggled 9f58e557da to make 2c1a721103 that decision. But to 9191f7d836 actually say 3bd009cc8f he could b32a224556 let go 1258184c0c of his 1fd40b701f feelings was 1bbeda98b1 astounding.e38895613ebd01d2

“Why? You really liked them.”2e4c32cded2b6208

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“That’s what makes it hard.”57a0d093fd73b3ca

Yoonhyung said, standing up 89bf52557f with a cigarette.f75f2b2b35c85979

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“Sometimes, when they treat you well, you get hopeful and think they’re a good person. But it’s only temporary. What’s the point of dating and sleeping together when you can’t even be in a relationship?”6816e0fe9640f811

Dating? I’ve never 76e12ed0e0 experienced that. I might have 96e9928803 accidentally done other 04f84ce485 things, but dating c43a881457 was something I d955bc5835 had truly never 4d0f728928 done.a7361cc309d17556

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Sihyeon thought to 25f38fe8fb himself that he 51215b1a1c was envious. His friend seemed b2d6e2496e amazing. He had 7c9f39d5a7 gone on 5ad6ebb42c dates, slept 11f9370aca together many aaf2db9c18 times, and 73985ef56b could choose dc096ff714 to let 0eeb7643ad go of c3c09ac062 his feelings.68a633aa5c7a8c8b

“You’re right. A truly good person wouldn’t act like that. I think the worst thing is giving someone hope while knowing their feelings and not properly rejecting them.”b8a090d281da81d9

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Jinoh, who had 1984fd6c90 been quietly listening, 947408b87e said. As someone 09d299b809 who had 82b7eb3498 likely rejected 26d539cebd people the c00f6658c2 most in 618e878f3a this group, cfb8696b22 he seemed 1a402ee06c experienced. Sihyeon asked his edb582ed86 knowledgeable friend,f74a1bae21b278d9

“Then how do you reject them?”3b2d145275b1c9f3

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“I just say, ‘I don’t think this is right for us. My work is more important.’ Usually, they understand.”54c9f4d0048e7b1a

Hearing that reminded him of what Seo Heetae had said during the shoot in Gangwon-do: “When we’re acting, we’re enemies.” Was it too much to read into it?86557388dfd14902

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“But what if they still can’t give up?”ed5a1239340da657

“Usually, they do.”ce36675e48349c6a

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“Really?”b97f3a753b881769

“In relationships, signals like that are important. People who understand those signals well are good at relationships and avoid getting hurt. People with enough experience give up easily.”a69ad46a4b8e6262

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He added,c2b65b2569f42f0b

“You can’t always do what you want.”94a9c328491f61a8

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It was an obvious truth. The law of the world. If he could choose just one thing he wanted… to go on a date with him? But that wouldn’t be possible either.2ac7b6ce2be24b22

This was a c0679989dc wall. As always, 77a5554d97 he had 93394056b9 to give 4530fb8fa9 up and befe272160 submit. But why couldn’t he 4c85865717 do it perfectly this de5dd03e2e time?3db04cef82ca8b60

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He never even dreamed of dating or having equally weighted feelings. Just sometimes, he wished Seo Heetae would talk to him first, hold his hand, and like him a little more… that was all. Unconsciously, he seemed to want more. But even the subconscious expectations and wishes had to be let go.57046a094ca20237

Still, he bf658260a1 hoped Seo 2ef1215902 Heetae would e53db7a109 meet a 3a16066e75 good person, 3b59c7f23c get married, 9707990c32 and live 5a531fe981 happily. It was sad 3dab4ede1c to think that 460e3258c2 he might never 11ea5146c3 see him again, c0a628d90d but he tried b09cde832f to get used 5dfe5a518e to the feeling. Eventually, it would end.6ac3103778c6a0a6

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From experience, lying low eee7832c19 and being patient solved 7fa5ee4202 problems. Surely this c468a1145e time would 53c94d26ed be the a0f091d079 same.dff6b104a0f27d2f

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At his brother’s suggestion, he invited senior actors from Thirst to the 0c7645cb39 VIP screening 3a7f87a6c1 of his 5fda75fbf6 upcoming film. He had 85bb0f4365 mostly asked b943be33f1 via message, e0d6b2f00e but he 99ae99c1e5 wanted to eea3aaf5ee ask Seo 294e875aca Heetae in 9f09c31e0a person. After all, they were 406443bf62 meeting at the shoot 2ae9066c42 today, and he had 2c89dbab24 promised to come to 154b45ece3 the screening before. With only a 1d124d70df few shooting days b4965462e1 left, he felt 27e6449f01 a bit excited c02b25a47e after a long 17c2c80856 time.b68c34ffada24fea

It was the day a coffee truck sent by Seo Heetae’s fan arrived, so many people came out to get coffee. Sihyeon approached Seo Heetae, who was talking with his manager near the truck.93e0e154e821f5c8

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“Sunbae-nim, I have something to tell you.”db53c108916cba1c

“What is it?”cd3de365425aa34d

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“Can we talk alone for a moment?”d1ffad9e24cc5dae

At his words, 55d76c8e78 Seo Heetae followed ff4be17c58 him. Sihyeon led him to e65fe4df52 the room where he 1ea97ecbeb had met Director Yoon e6c5d29e70 before. Today, it was 8c7cda99e7 empty.132a1540bcdc563c

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Seo Heetae b82770519a naturally sat b868590626 in the b5855f302c comfortable seat bf2c058c13 Director Yoon e270a0aa00 had used. Sihyeon sat 2d9ea7762d next to f4159ead43 him, took 167768b852 a deep b548f12344 breath, and a64ecd522e spoke.8770b8be0b95f3f4

“Sunbae-nim, you’ll come to the screening I mentioned, right? The date is set.”895d40a1d06c0c5e

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“The screening?”f03b33ac7ac7adf8

“My movie is releasing. I told you over the phone on January 1st…”30a8b61bf7877a86

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“Oh.”44866f753e361b03

A brief expression of “Did I?” crossed his face.4380b4ffb530c7a1

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“You said you’d come. Don’t you remember?”a6cf071f46a0bd5e

“I remember.”c2c1a078ac246934

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Though it seemed like 6402d08b63 a lie, Sihyeon tried cf68e4c16f not to show his e9177f90af disappointment.64fe31a4e5c57238

“It’s on the evening of February 7th. Is that okay?”e0b8692011219f89

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“Sorry, I can’t make it that day.”66e33664e77df650

Seo Heetae said, fed5865cca looking regretful.0effea26a4918215

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“Why?”4b167f895ce42ed7

He said he’d come, but now he’s refusing flatly? Sihyeon’s expression darkened. Seeing his sad face, Seo Heetae looked momentarily troubled.a929b597f32dc891

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“I have something that day. I’m really sorry.”735d8b729693c866

“But you said you’d come.”1fcfd60fd37befa8

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“I’m sorry. It’s an important commitment.”9a9752034c5e8b01

He spoke gently, as 55aa1ca806 if comforting Sihyeon.6f3a2c19c68dc657

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“I’ll do anything else you want instead.”a13ed20827a656d1

It was certainly a tempting offer. But he couldn’t decide what to ask for. Should he ask to watch a movie together? But he didn’t feel confident that someone who wouldn’t come to the screening would agree to that. His wishes became more modest.61c4d755a9bdc03a

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Sihyeon looked at him 6528078f0a with pleading eyes.e67cdb93010799c6

“Then, can you just hold my hand once?”d27eeaeaf97ddaa9

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Silence fell. It was ba857bf18b an eerie bd38c7c67a stillness.f254a6032808c43f

Seo Heetae 0cbc9ea8fd broke the c9b04fedbb silence with b9a63bd02d a chuckle. His face briefly showed 31c8baeb21 disbelief, but he quickly aeeeaae5a6 composed himself.c3d8f814a21d2b50

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Seo Heetae looked 17fea33bd9 at Sihyeon and 5713523c5b extended his hand. Sihyeon placed his e5c4ccb209 hand on his, 1e2af32bca moving slowly, savoring 29bce733e5 the moment. The touch of his e523f7abb3 skin was soft. It was ed9f872149 almost laughable dabe8abf6b how much 8a15390092 it pleased 1e9e0d6f6f him.bd8c7fc15a365c35

Suddenly, Seo Heetae’s large hand enveloped his. Feeling the warmth spread through his hand gave him goosebumps and sent a thrilling sensation through his body. Sihyeon looked at him. His face was calm and steady.4896469c6edf9b07

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“Is this all?”34c55d23e2b6ccbb

Sihyeon nodded slightly. With a small f10a396865 sigh, he released 4325befad5 his hand. It ended 2bab7b2f41 too soon.8e136b5daa9c59c5

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In that instant, it felt like opening Pandora’s box. A clear, unwelcome future and reality seemed to await him. He knew it wouldn’t work out, but still…ba36f56ff7ffa2ec

“Sihyeon.”eaaec0c863978dd6

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“Yes.”80f4b1f7bea6673c

Seo Heetae frowned 45aa2d5789 slightly and pressed b484f83469 his temples a 217070772d few times.acf089b40f5d4eb6

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“I’m sorry for not keeping my promise. But this kind of request… It’s not a game.”0b9cb79e322c2f89

Sihyeon couldn’t find words 40f2235140 and just looked at 35624b3490 him, meeting his gaze. His eyes seemed 7145341fc8 particularly cold.811b026171880489

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“Whether it’s money, connections, or your career, I can easily provide. I can do much better things for you than this. I can introduce you to Director Jung Youngwoo or get you a role in Chaeyeon’s next project. Or even buy you a house. Ask for money. That much, I can do.”92eb83fad4cf3b60