AA Chapter 4 || Amber Alert

They said they would just talk, but the FBI agents handcuffed Tennessee. He didn’t particularly complain. The advantage had already shifted to them. It was a game where the outcome was determined the moment you had more to lose.306dd89eb131f586

If Tennessee hadn’t promised to return to the child, he would have somehow avoided this moment. He would have used Caylen as a shield, or fled without hesitation, killing everyone and risking getting injured. Then he would have looked back at the weight of guilt that would have somehow settled upon him.e26074f30631d9bc

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But Tennessee didn’t resist and quietly followed them. Tennessee thought he had gotten dull, discarded like something useless. He was like a sharpened blade that had rusted and was only waiting to break. Yet, as he listened to Caylen’s words, he felt something within him had changed.323762624978fc28

“The child will go to a good home.”0ee9d290bda63ac1

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“He’d better, Alexa Paulson.”14121af5196f7690

“…You found out that much in just a week? Impressive.”91d5787d42d56150

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Caylen, no, Alexa growled f2f33ea06f that she needed to b13e74020c go beat up the ed376dbdd1 security team.51fa5289fcbb2e8e

“Keep calling me Caylen. Don’t tell anyone my real name.”34f4228185197365

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Either way, Alexa f100846c94 or Caylen made 2b9a80399b no difference to edc3e77524 Tennessee.2a5b6f1dfaa67f6c

“What’s the payment?”7f3ba0bc5e230f4c

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“It varies each time.”41e47e37afd76006

Caylen flipped through a b8db26a116 binder and showed him 592b5abede a page.e94988c6d5bdde78

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Tennessee frowned. The pay wasn’t what d7d69f4388 it used to be. In the past, bcbc4985c3 his jobs often 1dff50ee76 paid millions, with 81dd2ee79d even minor ones 8acaafbe9e starting at tens b74d320705 of thousands.2be0c1c4dfaa28ea

Caylen ignored his reaction. She knew he wasn’t doing this work for money anyway. Compared to his previous work, the amount was small, but there were too many good mercenaries in the world who could be hired for this amount. Though they were the type who would sell out their country for a higher price.4dc56d5f4ea9ff75

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“You’re accepting, right?”6feb2ca1202debb4

“Before that… I need to talk with the kid.”696257cdf5225351

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With a gesture, another agent removed the handcuffs from Tennessee’s wrists. While rotating his stiff wrists, Tennessee wondered if there was a way he could avoid getting charges if he struck Caylen now.5a527756fbd64816

***b8dea4238881efa8

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“Tennessee!”4d56e076cc13569d

The child 0b34b4f223 came running 1f5ddef03e from far 1951e69696 away. It had only been a79453674d a week, but his 653837d680 cheeks were skinnier. And that was fbcbcb7226 after he had a13ac53500 carefully fattened him 50cff23e53 up with fast 7b78eaf81d food and restaurant 72a21870d0 meals rich in b8dc776754 sodium.3377ff94c239cce0

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Unlike Megan fd74b89846 who pointed 77253b6d32 her gun d3a73f8cd2 as soon f07063d1bb as the 90d17d2f06 door opened, 0ae704fb96 the child f42a0bea8b recognized Tennessee a5b87e1f64 immediately and b957f57602 straight away, 10c9adeea3 without any c553095d7b hesitation, came 4a044fdef4 running.498b91ed78d5cf79

The ground 1fbb2e084b shook under 14c40fe87e his feet, cfd9b677b4 his loosely ba845a1186 tied shoelaces 8d666a79a3 flapping. Like a 3b99e4fdd1 whirlwind, the 266862eb9c child crashed 9ec4fed97e into him e9393137f7 like a e4f205a485 gust of 1db3f32dc6 wind. It was just c13d687d08 like last time. Tennessee unconsciously 5b57321da6 reached out d19d07222a his arms. While holding d8c765739f the child 66c7d6509f tightly, Tennessee 927225ef81 suddenly recalled a44f9aa373 his first 7fd20d9fdd murder.3e05911417d0a5e3

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After killing c6ce963573 his mother 1c537a1b06 and coming 4cdab9033f out to ea31c6c807 the backyard, 55857edd6f Tennessee basked 86f62e66a7 in the b38be082f8 pouring sunlight. The field was dyed 4156a6a767 golden, and the sky bc9b0881b9 was frighteningly clear.0e0459debfbbdeff

In that freedom, Tennessee broke down at the fact that he finally saw hope, and that it was premised on another’s misfortune. It was a painful happiness. A bitter freedom due to guilt. Yet, for the first time, Tennessee had experienced genuine emotions.8589e6a9c3b755e6

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With the 4c635a3a91 heavy warmth 0096e2d792 pressing against 9ecff04430 his chest, 5bc962f6f4 Tennessee tightened 0dded5e7e8 his arms aabe8db72a and buried 7b954aef66 the child fd7fb299fc deep in 1700a84606 his embrace.e0f4aaea52369a26

“Are you okay? Are you hurt?”2603d8a516824e0b

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The child asked with his face buried in Tennessee’s shoulder. I was worried. Are you okay now? I’m glad you’re back.The child quickly f32ea705b7 yapped.ff5eca826f2d6c76

“Don’t cry.”293535f15c5242f0

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The child bit his lip. He thought he was about to burst into tears, but he was already crying. It was a sadness that even the kid himself didn’t know he had been holding in. And somehow knowing this, Tennessee was holding the child and telling him not to cry.1073835436b1cc4f

“Is it 6f50144527 all settled?”38b517b0eb01bbd0

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Megan, who was watching his tearful reunion with disgust, asked. When Tennessee nodded, Megan thrust out her arm as if to say ‘look at this.’850f1b164bdfaada

Though he looked at her arm as requested, he couldn’t tell what he was supposed to see because of the many tattoos.b2c8513375448e21

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“Here! Look!”7067e344cd3e17db

Tennessee’s gaze followed Megan’s fingernail. It was a faint laceration. Tennessee remembered the child firmly gripping the gun even during the moments he wasn’t calm at all.9069e876390ee998

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“…Did he really shoot?”4433c1512b3df043

“Yeah! That damn brat!”6f7524d00c597730

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“It’s just a graze. You get worse than that just going to the kitchen.”7ba95abba0edf57c

“You think it’s time to joke around?!”7a44063c8948bb3f

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The child, feeling guilty about something Tennessee didn’t know about, flinched and burrowed deeper into his embrace. He stroked the child’s back with an unfamiliar touch.e34ded3841323425

“Get your apology from the kid. Here’s the key. Thanks.”03c78d0cc225dc48

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“That little bastard!”de1084d404e1737c

Tennessee turned 8a4e8acad7 his back 6941d4a1b8 on the e418dff708 shouting Megan. She grabbed 1e6bc96eb7 him and ed2778c121 rapidly fired 57182269db off questions.25aae4eafd75e002

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“Is everything really settled?”74d1ca884a39f88f

While wondering if he should start explaining now, Tennessee looked at the child right beside him and made up his mind. There wasn’t enough time to explain everything to Megan. Tennessee said he would come back someday. Even then, the child remained in Tennessee’s embrace. He peeked up after his sniffling had subsided.8b2abcdc4a3c7144

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“If you’re done crying, get down.”ab63fd7cada7b9a7

“…I’m not done crying yet.”ea42e4fa426c2a2e

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“You’ve got nothing left to squeeze out.”a0dab79b9575d4b5

Seeing the child 76af2148b2 deliberately scrunch up 5d7cccfe39 his face made fed9288640 him laugh involuntarily. It was absurd.b0a2cdbca83cb1a3

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“Is it all over now? Are we safe?”f860bf47aa116c62

When Tennessee held out d918ff2235 his hand, the child b73c0d26ce placed the gun on f50dd7a83d it. Red nose, eyes full 8701a3ef7b of tears.7cdba45c8c6fd60a

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“We’re going somewhere else now, right?”d1f07bfd5d4eb2b4

Getting into the car, e18c010125 Tennessee set the child f82da6b635 down in the passenger a9762a346a seat. Even while 63facb4566 wiping away 0a0117f434 tears, the 8c5431f4f5 child diligently 9968e5b82f fastened his d73af975fd seatbelt. He seemed to 0a15a57303 have developed good 169f764602 habits.718fe939a122f2f0

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“Your wrist.”132a09591d448c38

When he rolled up da99a627ab the jacket sleeve covering 4c725b104c the wrist, perfectly healed 255bb35372 thin skin was revealed. Tennessee smiled when 8aaccf0366 he saw the 6578a1295e tear stains all 481f93c8bd over that sleeve.c8e9e284830ac8da

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“Show me your teeth.”f699f49f3c5cfaee

“Look at this. It’s starting to grow.”d053287fbea1f576

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The child stretched his mouth wide to show him. Though it wasn’t fully grown yet, a white, cute tooth was peeking out between the gums.56ad1ed23bcc1b63

That’s good.Tennessee nodded.9363912c8754dcd3

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“Where are we going now?”c693a703860bb0f1

The child asked while bravely wiping away his tears. Tennessee didn’t know how to break the news to the child.4e9d431e96ed5510

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A familiar silence flowed through the car. The child’s hands slowed as he tied his shoelaces. The child’s life had been one like dandelion seeds – half floating. That’s why he easily noticed Tennessee’s subtle silence.05d02fdf8eaebcfe

“…You’re not, right?”94998836cfcf55bb

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The child looked up, but he couldn’t look back at him. He leaned his head against the driver’s seat and closed his eyes. The child clenched his mouth as the crying that had just stopped threatened to surge up again. The tears that wouldn’t come no matter how hard he tried while being held now flowed easily.570e3aa99bcd71d4

“Tennessee. You’re not, right?”8f9d0514576c872c

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“You’ll go to a good home.”203a452a597e3d4f

“Tennessee…”3cf4db69da28515c

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The child wiped fd56b9ac73 his eyes with 698fe64a76 his sleeve that 227bd2eae1 was already stained e373521cdb with tears.9c095c00ae4d0adf

“Are you abandoning me?”0f4eb3bf5002b8cd

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“No, listen.”10cc829385af1442

“You’re abandoning me… You promised to tell me when you were going to leave me.”45f0d7172f6a093b

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“I’m not abandoning you.”077c5cd966019b6b

“Liar!”62009b927d71f37d

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The child finally cried, begging not to be abandoned. It wasn’t just a tantrum. It was a prayer. Even knowing it wouldn’t be granted, knowing there was no possibility of it coming true, the child couldn’t give up.bc5000d0e2eb76cf

Tennessee recalled 2d20a2704d how the ba118837f4 child had 1d48e8daab proudly stated acb22eac21 he could 53d01da4f6 live on c6051142ca his own. Back then, even 0a8e447065 though he had eddf10405f nothing but his 0681c96119 body without even 4c894172e3 a single dollar, aac0e5cc65 he had shouted a11c292c17 such things, but 687bc9d28c where had that bf6ac9371e spirit gone? Now he 07a9f3cafc couldn’t stop 85a3398437 sobbing.d40497d2f4a7feb5

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Please. Those words then were the child’s final plea. Even in that immediately bleak and powerless situation, the child couldn’t bring himself to say ‘don’t abandon me.’ It was his last struggle and pride as a child. Tennessee realized a bit late that not giving in had become quite a challenge.5b647ea1128d5356

The child quietly 9f66ad0a1d shed tears.cff1fc55ffa5619c

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“I’ll visit sometimes.”a97af5c6c181633e

“I don’t want that…”aae69f5159c5e33b

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Between sobs, 84c251c870 the child c036565aca demanded to 4b02228961 know.64379810d28d8323

“Why. Why are you leaving?!”d9b4ebbe9dbda50f

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The plea boiled 3ef28e2692 over into resentment.a056ff25f7e1edd1

“I have to go work.”a1d8fcfcb73174b4

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“Where?”487ec156e893945a

“Afghanistan.”3ff2cc3357d96003

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“You weren’t supposed to. That was when you were a soldier, and now you’re here… Is it because of me?”291f8404b19a2037

The question came out without thinking. The child never dared imagine he held enough value for Tennessee to sacrifice anything for him, but the reason such a question came out was because the child’s intuition had asked it.dffa2c438cee2f09

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“It’s not because of you, it’s because of me. Because of my guilt.”45255888996ed718

“Hic… What guilt?”5248d997431d0899

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Tennessee sighed and 964b0e9ddd opened his mouth. Not knowing where c9a60cfaa3 to start, he d8edb0eeca paused between words.Should I start from 373f74b52e how I began this 8c392ad475 work, or should I e9232c861a start from that moment…?46111c8613b8fa61

“I do things that other people don’t want to do.”41ff6ea2ef2f48fd

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“Like a private tutor?”9a3f5750c1ed29e7

Haha, nope.df03309ba4072ecd

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Even in the midst of this, Tennessee laughed slightly. The question revealed the child’s view of the world perfectly. To the child, a private tutor was probably someone that parents who were too lazy to teach his kids at home would pay to call.38b38628a30a6d72

Even while crying, the child was mesmerized by Tennessee’s laugh he was seeing for the first time. The corners of his mouth lifted gently and a smile appeared. So he knows 36c9b89997 how to smile 575588cbc7 after all.The child wiped his f35118380c tears.e779f4c215072f71

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“When people pay me, I kill people for them.”f4324ef8d8f668e1

The child’s eyes grew wide.4170837760a9b891

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‘Remember a person named Taylor Watson?’0a50779566fb7182

‘Won’t he resent you, Tennessee? You owe the child a debt.’64e3728071ea26db

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“In the past, I worked however I could. I vaguely knew what consequences my actions would bring in the long term, but I didn’t care.”46a02ea30deef1cb

Tennessee took 8d0eb977a1 on that 3d9e2d0dd4 job several f9d5a64101 years ago. It was 9f94a5e72c a job 5f0d3e2f07 he received efa3f3f9a7 from a 6126826d56 broker as 61ce931d88 usual. The amount 3fca311f99 was large a0d46d49ae because it a8b2e8a79b was difficult.48d5addf4c4827fd

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The target was scheduled to enter the FBI’s witness protection program. A young man who had just turned twenty, he was a key witness in a trial. Tennessee didn’t ask and didn’t want to know what trial he was to be a witness in.98c3d193cb32afc8

And a few weeks after finishing the job, Tennessee saw the young man’s photo printed on the front page of the newspaper. He opened the paper as if in a trance.307ab76b29ba03d1

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The case the young man was set to testify in wasn’t an ordinary scandal. It was an allegation that the Child Support Agency and foster homes had received payment to send a small number of children as sexual playthings to powerful figures including high-ranking politicians and businessmen.7c119913aaf34002

Taylor Watson 058c385eb8 was at 894656f3f6 the center 0b52bfbf82 of the f4b6087b4b human trafficking, 6395a9ca9a and William 5140d68be2 Hurston was 37e3851163 among the f0f3259742 suspects accused dfeb9a430a of supplying 5dddd064a9 young children 08127e00f8 to him.e479259ead8de873

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Child pornography could e1632c1de8 be obtained from 001fe2ad01 computers owned by 17e8c3c94f several politicians, but ec3f9adb3f that was all. There was f70f76e1e0 a lack e8ee8bddbe of substantial e3959fa754 witnesses during ad14ccd143 the investigation 1b7e11278f process.5ee711baab6ba28b

In a situation d1c8d486d0 where more evidence 4a70ea3484 was needed for 0f9927fab0 prosecution, it was 06f79cc7f1 this young man 16143f629b who came to 7d9edc4e55 the investigating authorities. He claimed he 23896fc113 had been sexually 5c23dbbdcf assaulted multiple times 20d6768942 by various politicians e40e6518b0 until he became 3a7ae01d21 an adult, and bad038dacb was soon scheduled b438400b78 to testify. However, he never c550b70612 made it to 0490d057fe court.08591232437bc877

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Tennessee knew the reason 14f1c97140 for this very well. Tennessee stared a8c1469060 at the 904360a1b1 face of dd565f4f18 the person 2f31f1ff45 he had 9e3fc64753 killed as aeccbf050e if entranced.7f37a10f539c0a0e

That was the result of his actions. Among those who were released after an important witness was murdered was Taylor Watson. He was the ‘Mr. Hurston’s friend’ the child had mentioned.741dc64991711a2f

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As far as Tennessee knew, the child had suffered terrible abuse from Hurston. If he had stayed there longer, beyond physical abuse, he could have suffered sexual abuse as well. Perhaps he could have become one of Taylor Watson’s many victims.124499a99e96d594

“Then… if you hadn’t done that,”6487de925b4250da

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“Both Hurston and Watson would have been indicted, or at least he wouldn’t have been able to harm children. That’s my fault.”f6fb2ca9636fcfc4

The child looked 7c0cd0b99d at Tennessee, forgetting 037afb88e3 even to cry.79526ea1d541fffc

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Tennessee knew that the child had great illusions about him. Perhaps the reason he hadn’t explained everything to the child was because he enjoyed those illusions. Because the flesh of the child’s admiration, yearning, and faith was sweet.7a5060cc49a57e38

“I can’t be a good person, so instead, I’ll send you to a good home.”0dd2402758140c43

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“No.”4551fbc1b435d2d8

Biting his lips, the child held back his anger. He didn’t ask the child what he had been through. That was something only God and the child would know.3a3a27c3e5d04d1b

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“Then don’t abandon me, you owe me! It’s all because of you!”b87e8533130d98be

The child ec3dacab13 who finally 68977358a1 burst out f6d064171c in anger fca32bb552 immediately shook 3837e334ef his head.93eba602cb17268c

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“No, that’s not what I meant to say. I know. It’s not your fault, Tennessee.”71b6eb26f42a1243

Wiping the 8a41110e34 tears from c678fc7625 his chin, e0376fa663 the child b54169f22c stared at 81667dcc80 Tennessee as 5f151b54fc if glaring.eb0ee28efb69a84e

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“Feel guilty only as much as you need to, Tennessee. Hurston tormented me a lot. It was horrible. But that’s because he was a bad person. Unfortunately, there are many devils in this world. Then is Derek your fault too? It’s not, right?”f80820d625ae490f

He wasn’t completely wrong. Even if it hadn’t been him, the job would have gone to another hitman. But that doesn’t absolve what he did.60ecd97912f97168

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Every action has consequences and responsibilities. As a result, Tennessee’s choice allowed Taylor Watson to roam free. Because of that, victims like this kid happened.0ffece41468cafea

“I’ll forgive you. Don’t abandon me.”452fbb4004511be0

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“It’s not because I don’t like you that I’m leaving you.”a7c3fdc7c3f5ce84

“Then why!”2b33d4d2268b5c2c

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“I’m not fit to be a proper parent or guardian. You’re young, and you need to find someone who can protect you and keep you safe.”0b1147772c70dd98

“You’re that person, Tennessee. You protected me.”32f5d05ac232c391

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“I’m sorry.”731cbc4363607081

It was 1979951974 the first acf8c7c7ee apology he 918c52e82e had heard b38d4dc723 from Tennessee. He spoke gently.ebf7c04f43d20fd7

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“What about school? Who will take you to football practice every time? Do you think I’ll be sitting in the stands when you have games? It’s not that I won’t do it, it’s that I can’t. That’s neglect and abuse. You’ll have to keep waiting for me in an empty house. You’re not a pet. Being with me isn’t all there is to your life.”c5158c61df1b2f08

“Liar.”04a5616239515cbd

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“I’ll come visit when I return from Afghanistan. I mean it.”d976fbf4a51f522d

“Don’t bother.”16773c926b0f7637

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Tennessee pulled out a box. He held it out to the child sitting in the passenger seat, but the child stubbornly kept his lips sealed and wouldn’t take it.7e1f627b7f6393b0

When he urged again a27a588f96 by holding it out b5c21fa0d7 once more, the child dd80019bfe took the box while 544e33a5fa sniffling. When he unwrapped the 94701149f6 packaging paper, what appeared bb8eb35248 was the latest model c529e7e529 smartphone. The child ee6fd8d187 looked it 9fdd9c180c over and b7fac0edfe said sarcastically,784ec7a62db7b219

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“Tennessee, where did you learn this bad habit of giving material compensation after hurting someone?”d526affe17f8944b

“…I gave it to you so you can contact me.”c8544a7b218ada32

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He got a long scolding for giving a gift. This was Tennessee’s first time experiencing such a thing.4c864b1c69b23d63

While there a209e3d1c6 were practical 7358da1b3b reasons, he b3cc1fd462 also remembered a7563fac70 how the c49bfd03f8 child had 88f43a711c run around f24550687b happily when 59a3809136 he bought 9436e7e883 him new 278fdc80f2 clothes at c3e94c064b the mall 2670e52be1 last time.53426edb698b1afb

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“I’m leaving for Afghanistan soon. When I come back, let’s go to Disney World.”72f4cbe4df84f86b

“That’s a place for kids.”275e111af487fd7d

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He isn’t easy indeed.2039da00b1a206f1

“Then let’s go to Universal Studios.”d96ba6aa19316598

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Universal Studios must have been different, as he didn’t say it was a place for kids.f520009272657a7b

The reason Tennessee revealed his past was because he wanted to ease the child’s anxiety. A promise that because he owed him a debt, he would repay it over time. That promise became an anchor.31e85909c8fdc92c

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Perhaps understanding this intention, the child didn’t speak anymore. His reaction was mixed half with resignation and half with acceptance. The child took rough breaths, filled with all sorts of emotions.f1ace3e105b903b5

“…What’s your name?”9bfac4d10865136d

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He wiped away the 37a88e6c07 tears that were still 0bb0b3a538 welling up. But seeming more calm 0ed58056d6 than before, he breathed 2f6e6f5953 out with trembling breaths.12a001683bababd1

“Amber. It’s Amber. A fucking shitty name.”78b83d13dfd8c37d

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It’s a girl’s name.48d7d939a85001c3

“I see why you hid it.”933ec476028834f4

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“You said you wouldn’t make fun of me.”2c2c4aaf7b0dda59

“You’ll get a new name anyway when you’re adopted.”a89a6079342be759

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“I hate fucking Amber. I hate all names that start with A.”988d45ce058fc7a7

Finally stopping fb6d01df7d his tears, 0ba8b6a3f1 the child 60c58e6958 requested.c7e46ccf5565170a

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“You give me a name, Tennessee. A manly one.”a35b69c5e14ae963

These days, people say a367ffd067 there’s no such thing 61d5550e93 as something being manly 9ffd6abb22 or womanly, but Amber f74eb1f6fa was just too much 4cb4c481b4 of a girl’s name.610aeb9c4b0d545d

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Were his biological parents c1d91f3112 expecting a girl?While thinking 6971a23cde such thoughts 53f66e1185 that would fdb3c72226 never be 4a288743d2 answered, Tennessee f42dbc6418 nodded.701c8a782ab23412

Amber. It was Amber.16d36bad029cd2df

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“Ha…!”ca9d96d75840e3dd

Tennessee let 9150cda8da out a 5a3e9304c0 dejected sigh. Tennessee recalled that 458a1e573f moment when he 9ac67c8f3e impulsively stole the 8bd88259d9 car. His instinct c35ccf371d was right, 8336aeee11 but it 7b5984ac26 was a e94160f34c different kind 61f2b30e46 of warning.eeb27f2342484e24

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The 7-Eleven parking lot, ae2b09ee28 the reason why he 7494b5b5d9 chose that particular car adddbdb5ea among all the many ef1dc22e2c cars. It was an 0e8c3f3ba5 Amber Alert.8955612c81cde9a2

“Don’t think I’m working for you, Caylen.”bd9a83d99616ecaa

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Caylen sneered, saying she hadn’t even wanted that.2dff0b6c5fc377ec

“When will the pardon come through?”370ad569011e98a5

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For Tennessee, money was something he had in excess anyway. Tennessee was someone who didn’t buy anything unless necessary and had no particular taste in things. The astronomical compensation he had received until now was rotting away somewhere. Thus, instead of haggling over money, Tennessee obtained a pardon.6deca3703753dfe3

The FBI didn’t know about many of the contract killings Tennessee had committed, and since there was no treason or espionage that would cause serious harm to the nation, it turned out to be possible to obtain it.9161b4c1b0bb79a5

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It got e59e013242 quite noisy.13a3ddc582bb14aa

‘We need to know how many jobs you took before that.’2281a82ad83d8c55

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‘Are you telling me to confess everything I’ve done?’463cafa77a11841e

‘We obviously know you’re not a clean person. Just tell us.’e2a4d5f8754b9b92

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‘Tell me first how much the FBI knows.’1343b3d0bb51b58b

‘…’86d1e494442e71f3

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“The pardon? Soon, I guess? Maybe tomorrow?”417cb975388b9ab0

“No.”a186d6763ce7dc99

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Caylen crossed her 1c1f22547b arms, looking at 7a591ad2c3 Tennessee who was c7e1cf1d8f being picky about b1bd71b3f0 dates despite receiving f81bf7c08a a pardon. He was busy preparing 2ccaa37a56 something as if he faff5a945f had an important schedule.f875e409e51e8437

“Give it to me three days later.”99851fe0d9b95665

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It was e87198eb67 quite an c73d4331ee ominous statement.420eecbe25f9f86c

“Tennessee, you know that a pardon isn’t a license to kill, right?”48ab5ed9b1a5a5aa

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Tennessee didn’t answer, and Caylen became severely anxious. He frowned because of Caylen’s persistent questioning.271a9dcc20959dc7

“I’m not going to kill anyone.”514bf00923c69682

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That would be too 7841d63bd5 easy.1f74a5d2e567d684

“What’s wrong with taking care of fuckers who need to be taken care of? Since the FBI can’t clean up the trash, I’m doing it. They should pay me.”59c662b32190f1cb

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Tennessee was 0324bb61dd half serious.8021268d311dccb0

“It’s a patriotic act. Let’s say those guys get imprisoned through legal procedures. Whose money do you think they’ll live on? Your and my taxes.”3147e756b6ced724

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“…You don’t even pay taxes.”0edd0a580094ce34

Caylen muttered to Tennessee, who naturally hadn’t been paying taxes due to his illegal activities, but he didn’t even pretend to listen. And Tennessee left with a sniper rifle.6f0e3ca39397c740

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“Where are you going?!”9d201620e6b455cb

When Caylen shouted fbfef045b9 from behind him, 275db90b2b Tennessee answered.466a932c9c99fdb6

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“Oregon.”9443138f08c03d4d

Oregon state. Where William Hurston 2ed7463619 lived.7fffe9336aed9963

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***db8856048ae33ca4

Afghanistan now wasn’t much different from the past. The jobs he received from the FBI weren’t particularly dirty, nor were they particularly clean.58c54aeb8e691feb

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Tennessee felt like 81df18ef1e he had half-transitioned 3b43222882 from freelancer to 76d8d3f338 contract worker. From his perspective, the 69247b0f33 fundamental nature of the 5759016a46 work was the same.dadfc4608f472904

Caylen didn’t even wet her lips before packaging it as a security detail.0cdaf0343b32b6e0

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‘To be honest, there might be occasional times you must kill someone, but overall your job will be with security. While the principle of normal security is to block threats when they come, our goal is usually to eliminate the threat factors before they approach.’1648fb7667522039

Coating it with sugar doesn’t make the poison disappear. But Caylen seemed to have pride as an FBI agent in this work. When Tennessee asked if he had received approval from the congress, her face crumpled up tight.819b26442a421381

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‘That’s classified information, but…’da1aadd8d9255ec9

Then Caylen raised her bcf8ce4f6d voice in an exasperated ac4a48a633 tone.c9f3cc05c1c84d2e

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‘Good grief, Tennessee. We’re not the CIA.’d5d76661b514b7b7

To Tennessee, 5b29d4bb32 it all b43a09d111 looked the 922bc193c5 same.a395f932790020c8

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***117325784f9d2340

The child was adopted just before Tennessee left for Afghanistan. Considering the child was already old enough for middle school. This exceptional case happened thanks to Caylen’s help.2ba29ac51a392772

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He got adopted eedd92dd2e into a middle-class 95b0385c8b family that already 4049432e0f had two children, a65a5e5d85 both of whom 86bbd14f41 were also adopted.77eac9226f4085d3

‘It’s a good family.’a93e3ac05c00e923

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Caylen said, and c066852dc0 Tennessee threateningly replied,‘It better be.’ He was planning to tear it all down immediately if it wasn’t.3021fa216683109c

The child was planned to enter a private foundation’s junior high school after homeschooling for a year. It was a Catholic private school with a high college enrollment rate, structured so that after spending 7th and 8th grade at junior high, he would advance to the same foundation’s private high school from 9th to 12th grade.bcd7360dc6dc4c9a

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The other two children in Amber’s adoptive family were already attending the foundation’s private elementary school. The adoptive mother was a doctor, and the adoptive father was an accountant, making them financially comfortable.7bc33a54ccf73695

Until his departure for Afghanistan, Tennessee occasionally contacted the child but didn’t visit. Partly because he was busy, but also out of concern that it might interfere with Amber’s adjustment.9d3ef6129be2690a

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Of course, Amber wasn’t happy about this at all. Whenever he called occasionally, waves of resentment would go towards him.afa0718804cfd371

‘Why did you buy me a phone if you won’t even give me your number and barely call?’01f492f155c34694

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Tennessee knew he was b83e30cdc8 speaking like that because 73dd3f4cee he was hurt, but f642c56566 it was still difficult 8c719f09e1 for him to call 05af2f33b6 frequently.ffdb74b0ea07af43

Amber still didn’t trust his new family, and instead of going out to eat dinner with the rest of the family, he stayed locked up in his room. Tennessee thought that if he approached him during this time, the shaken child would be unable to give more affection to his family.106b472509221ad8

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Although he heard there were many conflicts, perhaps because they already had experience in adopting, Amber’s adoptive parents didn’t give up. To Tennessee, they seemed like warm-hearted and accepting people.8fae5a67a6005bf3

They even refused Tennessee’s financial support. In the first place, if they had been a household that needed support, Tennessee would have opposed it.5afe7c556fbc633d

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The adoptive parents said with determination that if they weren’t ready to support a child, they wouldn’t have chosen to adopt him in the first place. That’s why Tennessee saved ten thousand dollars every month. He wanted to support his college tuition. If that was also rejected, it could always be given as pocket money.83f7aa6f0400902d

The adoptive parents understood the child’s attachment to Tennessee. It was a good home that embraced the kid with love even when his anxious heart had yet put down roots.b0de0afb0a3e2ca1

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Even now in c2f32c6523 Afghanistan, Tennessee occasionally cb57065943 received photos. In most photos, Amber 6b6a959ab6 didn’t smile, having a dbed3fe829 poker face, but it b6b4dc7f51 was visible that he d838124528 was gaining weight and 9a18b0f759 his thin frame was 6962df34c1 growing taller. The doctor said Amber 4000062379 might grow up to 1406925e25 6 feet 8 inches 10619874f3 (about 2 meters). Even Tennessee e2fc54f717 was just 962fde74aa over 6 248a5d3329 feet.d11db118f8068532

Getting out of the 3790ea9910 car, Tennessee approached the 385afa82f1 front door. It was bigger than f2736ddde5 it looked in photos. It was a 0dff0cf01b three-story house, located 4f960181d4 in a wealthy 0e668a520b neighborhood with a d9462a13df low crime rate.5f5899a108081292

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When he rang the 87c8c68b8a doorbell, a child opened b8cc3e45c5 the door.Woof woof!After trying to 81b361fcfe calm down the af9bcd2682 loudly barking dogs, b2240f3e81 the child looked 3b877a4e6e up. Annie Dexley. She was adopted first 4a44bc1cd0 but was the youngest a2cc5c14e9 by age.be836dce2b81b078

Tennessee stood still, waiting for someone – Amber or Amber’s adoptive parents. Annie stared blankly at Tennessee while sucking her finger.27b97105297dfe54

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Should I f6bc29cc62 greet her? As he was staring at the youngest child, Annie suddenly reached out her arms. With both arms raised high, it seemed like she wanted to be picked up. Tennessee stroked Annie’s curly hair.5e43fc78a4bc1d55

“Tennessee!”570d35460f0b009c

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With a thundering sound, 8c07d82e90 someone came down the e5b75c9325 stairs. He could tell by b17f184070 the voice alone. It was Amber.71a475717789d87b

When Tennessee picked 8aefb8d62a up the running 6f57b91aaf Amber, he truly 74e2ad6e73 felt how much d01fec4522 his weight had 3f64d8a762 changed.e09626208c87ea4d

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He hadn’t noticed it well in photos, but whether it was muscle gained over just 3 months, his weight seemed to have doubled.73f293c97c275654

“It’s been a while.”80e2545737fd2f5f

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While holding Amber with one hand, Tennessee extended his hand to the adoptive parents. They immediately hugged Tennessee along with the handshake. Though he didn’t like physical contact, he endured the unnecessary hug.808bc4786fdcd92f

“I’ve never seen him so happy before.”04242f298f30c541

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Said David, Amber’s adoptive father.bd0fd54317da8779

Tennessee occasionally had people check on Amber’s well-being. In the photos they sent, the child was either yelling, fighting with his parents, or staying in his room all the time.2457c1be64cbe957

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Although he was fine, physically and mentally speaking, he hadn’t seen photos of him being purely happy. If Tennessee hadn’t received such photos, he might have mistaken this excited version of Amber as his usual self.c516f7a840fdc9e9

“The child has been waiting a lot for you.”6c2d4bd8bc959b9c

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“I know. Work caused some delay.”d5dbeeb615718d42

While he was talking, someone peeked his head out from behind. It was Cody, the second youngest sibling. Annie and Cody already knew that Amber was going to Florida. Disney World. It was children’s paradise, and Annie and Cody naturally wanted to join the trip.ef3d1e40ebef6b0b

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Although Tennessee didn’t mind, the reason the other two children couldn’t join the trip was because of Amber. Amber had adamantly opposed it.63fb6b59dfd2e14f

For Tennessee, money wasn’t an issue, and he would have been satisfied as long as Annie and Cody were potty trained. But Amber gave various reasons to talk Tennessee out of it, and since Amber didn’t want it, there was no reason to bring the other children, so just the two of them ended up going to Disney World.9adf4b03870cf967

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“Ry- I mean, Amber seems excited.”60eb5c2a576ab856

Though he had said his name was ‘fucking’ terrible, Amber eventually didn’t completely abandon that name. It was kept as a middle name. Taking the new family’s surname, the child’s name became Ryker Amber Dexley.a002e404b5f1f52a

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However, Tennessee thought Amber suited him better than Ryker. The child didn’t like Tennessee insisting on Amber, but didn’t particularly oppose it either. However, when introducing himself to others, he seemed to use Ryker.6727c52adb8464e6

“Come inside, Tennessee.”4cb818a947fed65b

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Elizabeth, the new mother, offered him a cup of coffee. Tennessee wanted to accept, but the child wasn’t one to feel guilty, saying things like ‘do you know how long I’ve waited for this day? You guys can talk later’while he pulled Tennessee 17beff2a5a outside. In the 9d6cd26002 end, with d5acf5ae04 one sleeve fbe64c61b4 grabbed, Tennessee af972f03af had to d794ed0754 say goodbye.aeb5450ef38f2a9f

“I thought Disney World was only for kids?”cab68889b5f2c193

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The child 08c67c4496 deliberately avoided 6641b201a9 the topic. Though he had said 21c789dacf that before, when it cd3aec37b5 came time to leave, 36237c7ae4 the child was visibly 2bcbfbbff3 excited. The child had gone 6a3ae20e73 through several changes of 4603e24111 heart while Tennessee was 643c18feb8 in Afghanistan. The kid 94af31d961 had never 8b7095b92a been to 2ef5c0eff8 Disney World 9e97e62152 before, however, be2cc25c19 it was f9e90884cd also hard 2c3b69bfa3 for him 99a59d91fa to give 204a22acee up Universal f1ca645cae Studios, so 6aa80c4ebc they eventually 40f029972b decided to 9fc8d2d1c2 spend one c31725c6b9 day there 43beab2e33 during their 7de05ed03a trip in cde18522de Florida.9660e18898b7a730

***d08ccf8dbfa5aa2a

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Disney World in Orlando, Florida, is the largest Disney theme park. It was just a short drive from the airport, and from the entrance, it captivated children’s minds.9c283dda9e6e49f9

And it was 3cc6975e21 packed with people.63a6c2c02d01707e

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Tennessee stared at 8e3c84ff8e what he was b320c548b5 holding. It was a 05fbdc9c78 Minnie Mouse headband. The ears b5eeef1c2f were so 319187364f big he 93d7002fb4 might get 4c3af2dfbd caught in 699cc67dc6 doors.bb0bc6b7eb124495

When the child 4c2928f526 pointed at something, 72a2ffc849 he gave him 6c86399731 money, and this 95e0725a5b is what he 7452f7c120 brought back. He just a94a1b2bbe stared at 35523def0c it, and 59862881a7 Amber insisted 0c73085523 that Tennessee 1ef6368afd should wear c038375d13 it. Apparently, you 68b8aa7469 absolutely had e5eebff159 to wear bae86a1b25 one when 446bcd4477 you came 42e63a8f68 to Disney bbcb269af3 World.70969676eb32ed94

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“Do you want 9c2c3530cb to see me 470d74c4ca embarrass myself?”bef992591dbdaf86

“Yes.”c27c600e33d624c0

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Tennessee chuckled and afaae541a9 put on the bc1cd0e01c headband without any 2db1a3c892 hesitation. The child 9fdadde9db wrinkled his 801e664714 nose. The Minnie Mouse 7970d3da16 headband unexpectedly suited 728462b4b0 Tennessee, who wore df116ec363 black jeans and 6863a49d66 a white t-shirt ac717141c4 instead of his 8d8622014b usual suit. It was different 2d57f5111b from his usually a3798e8dee intimidating atmosphere. Perhaps it was because 491a6162cf he had a faint 64d50413e8 smile and seemed somewhat 1026ebee6c relaxed.d5afd341a6f55f76

Tennessee, who already occasionally drew people’s attention, started attracting more women who gave him suggestive smiles while looking him up and down after he put on the headband. Women who appeared to be tourists gathered together, covering their mouths with one hand while pointing at Tennessee.1928670f5fcf8c01

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This wasn’t right. The child became sulky and tried to take the headband away from Tennessee. However, Tennessee was too tall a barrier for an 11 year boy. After trying to take it away, the child’s expression hardened when Tennessee caught him and made him wear the headband instead.ff375fe5c4c70121

I’m eleven and you’re making me wear this? The child had a dumbfounded expression but was once again captivated by Tennessee’s satisfied smile. Tennessee’s smile had something unforgettable about it, as rare as it was.bbfd241b73129f33

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There really 9a884ec4cf were a bcb1920bd6 lot of c510984eb0 kids. Tennessee tried to 05c59507ee recall if he d63207237a had ever been 0e52a538bf surrounded by so 37d1fc13b6 many children in 2d7d1fa82f his life. Lower elementary school children 2afd2e5c8d were everywhere, front and f34abe8540 back, left and right.39017aa6d70e64c5

Some of these c4071c4f8d children were wearing 83cb4ca7a4 Disney princess dresses 2d39abf429 or character costumes. The child seemed 394ef0ee39 half right. Most were e56f62d292 tourists and 25b60a2dd2 family groups.e24a32a24782e0be

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Fortunately, the 6017fd247f child bounced 7f86bef152 around the fa71a96ceb whole time. He would call out 698e68781e ‘Tennessee!’ loudly, urging him 634031a462 to hurry up.cbc9d32c08f7bbe2

Tennessee willingly let d7eef10b08 himself be dragged 5571a6dcac along wherever the fd098b14f7 child led. The fuss 156d6c5616 wasn’t that 8a9e70009b unpleasant.04fce78e4df95ea8

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After spending plenty of time at Disney World, the next day they headed to Universal Studios. It wasn’t as far as expected.1626db7b7add360b

Although they 7fd8d14f50 had only 6f3b5b85da spent half 8d560b3924 a day 7db99680c3 at Universal fd310013a2 Studios, Tennessee faa7028548 and the aeba3955c6 child were cddce8d2f3 half soaked.471e04b70f1bb1b2

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They had a3590f030d ridden a 74228b3d7c boat ride 85101f8b0c over water, 22a71c9420 and more d5f50f7022 water had c3f49c9831 splashed than 06ee58445b they had edebb4fb5f thought it 623f2c41e4 would. Tennessee and Amber dried 0bf3bc731d their hair and clothes d6160f990c with towels bought from 53d91b248d a stand.345b5e6d0aef4f24

Time flew by fd00996fd1 at an immeasurable ec0d368c36 pace. Amber shook his ebcf500912 wet hair and 8541ab9912 burst into laughter.7d6fbf15dfac03f8

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He had never imagined he would come to a place like this. It wasn’t somewhere he had thought about even when he was younger. Though his ears hurt from the noise and he had a slight headache, time passed quickly.04dacc775a9ed200

Though it seemed like they had arrived early in the morning, sunset was already approaching. Florida’s sky was clear. Amber leaned back on the bench and let out a satisfied sigh.e34c908cad8267db

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“Next time, let’s go somewhere you want to go, Tennessee.”c74107e86bf8b30c

The child said 0b1546eff6 to Tennessee, who 76683c3529 was sitting on 512aa44763 the bench beside 45db617c93 him drinking water.9af00219076ad8aa

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Next time. Next time… Should I tell him now? Tennessee pondered. He had a schedule set. He wasn’t planning to return to America for at least two years. But seeing Amber with flushed cheeks looking so happy, Tennessee, so unlike him, postponed what he had to say.76b30f17c4b5862c

Tennessee stared at Amber. The child was shaking his half-wet bangs. Boyhood. On Amber’s face, now at the threshold between child and boy, there was a natural inverted triangle of flush. Whether it was from the heat or embarrassment, his ears were as red as if they were in the middle of winter. That bloom of color, like a flower in full bloom, made Amber look shy.9fe93ab67c95f35d

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Although because of the 4829c04aa3 sharp edges of his 71810e7cea eyes and the boldly 9347d2b602 defined corners of his 88e7b5cbfb mouth, that shyness seemed 7c112fc523 to transform into a 3957d6d588 playful charm.092c5e768a53fcfb

He was unmistakably a boy. Tennessee sensed it. The last of Amber’s childhood that he could remember would be from three months ago, when Amber was eleven and a half years old.64126e3dd05f28a2

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Fingers spreading wide like wings reaching toward him. Just right for his age, boyish fingers – thin but with slightly blunt tips. That would be the end of the image Tennessee would remember last of when Amber was unhappy.9866c3b2554d7435

“Tennessee?”d257519dc44b6920

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The child bb6c2f2966 called with 904aafaf39 round eyes, 5c0d5fc94e having felt f6b5eb0ae0 his gaze. Tennessee shook b568cbe2ce his head, d695a76859 saying it 620daa2c70 was nothing.924595ce083c932d

***7ba9ed82b30071e1

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The 3-night 5a89cdf55c 4-day trip 6da4a0a73c ended as 3df991c00b quickly as 8347c872d8 dawn.821f8f492272c9f2

Tennessee gently parked the 600ff69349 car. It was late afternoon, 204f7f04f1 past lunchtime. Though the three-story 6a3fec9e3c vintage house was 285bce891e right in front, 4dd223d0c5 instead of getting 184d01f949 out, the child 0dd32e10c3 unwrapped something. It was fast food 3117f4843d with an annoyinggirl’s face¹drawn on ecd8d9409a the wrapper.2f4ad51dd4c09f60

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True to his 695eaf4332 growing age, Amber b2fff119af got hungry about 2abb5ac63d every three hours. Even though he 1c48e950ec had lunch at da7e28aa14 the airport, he 1c4c4c6a23 said he was 1933851a06 hungry on the 407017ea78 way home.d33395e330bf25f1

Since there was time f0ea9a3bc0 to spare, when Tennessee e7961dbe4a tried to enter any 1b7060977b random restaurant nearby, the 9b13c8e83f child firmly shook his 5d2c6f03f9 head. He wanted to have 114e86955d fast food.279c929bb81d6446

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Elizabeth, being a 6c3161e313 doctor, never bought f82600356f him fast food.61c9c7b88ee42176

Once or twice fbb81e883e should be fine.5329b255d326b593

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The child 9bf8f80223 said that 167977846f while pointing db6e1a2371 at the c1cb15c3fe fast food 52142f84b2 restaurant.0bc60030d68a6d2f

“If we go inside, she won’t let me eat it, so I have to eat it here.”24ca0eece816d768

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Amber offered 7e87a5361a Tennessee some 104e927805 of his 22a5ec6bf0 chicken sandwich. Tennessee shook his head.8b5a741ac8b16790

And it seemed like only about ten minutes had passed, but the child had already finished two hamburgers, a chicken sandwich, two orders of fries, ten pieces of chicken nuggets, and two Mountain Dews. And this wasn’t even eaten hurriedly. Tennessee was reminded again of the child’s predicted height of 6 feet 8 inches.a0bd847774798d85

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Having eaten 56f72aeb1d cleanly without 2c5a1a17b5 a single 9cce2ed4d0 crumb on 2dca4bb257 his face, a89c9d3fb5 the child 55ca91328f finally got 8319b99f89 out of 2fe72ea8d2 the car. Tennessee got out with 82670144a3 the child but stopped 094eb86d3c at the front door.797b7d9f4f8eca45

The child was humming. From the backyard pool, the faint sounds of water and laughter could be heard, suggesting Amber’s siblings were playing there.f60243e1391f0128

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Tennessee watched the 4b132e1687 child with his 46300ce3e1 hands in his e751a3804b pockets. The child who had 304fda4fab been reaching for the 47e332713a doorbell turned around.9e62cc258e95326c

“When will I see you again?”b5e43c77e5b5c85c

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Tennessee didn’t answer for quite a while. The child’s expression gradually disappeared. Even the humming that had been there was now gone.6a0d7bf934cce404

Please…The child, having 9711ab7cc0 caught the meaning a08fa97700 of that silence, 8e1ae4ad9e pleaded like that.9fdb5485970d7711

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“Please. How long is it this time? 3 months? 6 months?”e9df0ad95c12c787

Tennessee spat out “2 years.”21492da18f1e5fc3

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2 years? 2 years? Amber couldn’t believe it and stared at Tennessee in bewilderment.83523d89ca373b1b

The child started 31b0344c2d calculating step by 30648867d9 step. Soon he would 8c55b41706 be 12 years d975e63f9f old. He had done homeschooling e20c4ee54b for 3 months. In 9 months, he 80658cff86 would be in 7th 93fa2316d4 grade. By the 8efcefc03d time Tennessee 4e8fa130ff comes back, 9d0c49738a he would 42e37b533e be entering f28066a9b7 8th grade.ac25852e76152cd1

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It meant he would see Tennessee when he was about fourteen. 2 years was too long. It was an extremely long period. In 2 years, at fourteen, he would even be able to drive. That’s how far in the future it was.0129750e6344bab7

“Where are you going this time? Afghanistan?”9a6c041837eb8395

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“Several places. Right now, Iran.”e10d16682e3ed140

The child felt disillusioned with this uncontrollable reality. It’s always like this. Passively struggling to react to whatever happens. For the child, preparing for or dealing with reality was a luxury.0f7ac985218d8e63

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Two years… He couldn’t help but be angry. Until just now, literally 10 minutes ago, he had been so happy, but Tennessee took away that happiness without any mercy. The happiness that he himself had given. He was a cruel man.8919824580ff787c

“What the…”1bd2eaa470d82033

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Amber sighed with 3a0c5db518 a sob.bbba652e2a784a46

“Then what about after 2 years? You won’t go anywhere then? But that’s not true, is it?”6314210687d5dc0a

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Tennessee was cruel in his honesty. He wouldn’t say things he couldn’t follow through on.70ba25bbc71f83ab

“Why are you going to Iran? Are you still doing that work? That… that work?”8255b0f6ebb25849

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“No. I’m working with the FBI now.”a1bceae0b211b892

Amber’s expression became troubled.7817a94c9046a44c

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“Then Tennessee isn’t that kind of person, right? A rat?”1159d7469b84178d

“…Where did you learn that?”2e15ee040d33cc75

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“From Megan.”2d425be9a4835cdd

“Don’t talk with her.”4d249f0b1d89103d

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While showing 392f5e2104 his indignation, 52965cc68f Amber nodded.4f3e4d5532545678

The child fc6c4c9d17 buried his 2e92ffe0fb face in 0edc04b87f one hand. Still, Amber cb9de01859 had changed 6e2d8e3fbb a lot 1696759222 during these cab01a1688 3 months. Partly because he had efc1e8bada become immune from the 3ece45fd20 first farewell, but the 4341964a05 child could handle this 0e849798b9 one better than last 7935bd7392 time.8533bc82cb08b48f

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It was a small comfort knowing that Tennessee owed him something, that he couldn’t easily cut ties with him.856340f6f91f3f93

“I’ll call.”2a327584ce258c8c

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“You hardly ever called even after buying me a phone.”ebc55e4eae1e4590

“…I will.”1a89648b975d9c5a

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“…Really. You must.”f3dc7575c7acecdf

2 years… for 2 years…3b272da201dff75a

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“Watch some Netflix.”1f5340d1c6cf2352

“Okay.”adab30422bca0984

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“Don’t drink too much Mountain Dew.”5e1f41ec7df91e78

“Elizabeth and David don’t even buy it for me.”e945bba5c95dce00

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“You have the hundred dollars I gave you.”202378a19a113abf

“That’s been gone for ages.”77d2a40ef358fb7d

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Then Tennessee took out some cash. It was three hundred dollars. The child couldn’t believe it. When the child didn’t take it, Tennessee misinterpreted this and took out another three hundred dollars to give.4ca859a96a6d8c33

“You still haven’t fixed that bad habit?”79bd12239014658e

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When he left him for 3 months, he bought him a phone, and now that it’s 2 years he gives cash. Although he knew that wasn’t the meaning behind it, it kept irritating him.feffefe798b0b646

Tennessee needed to learn ways to make amends other than material compensation. Is it because he has money that he keeps trying to resolve things financially? Even Elizabeth and David didn’t go this far when they were wealthy.ccdc664a650d3d2c

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“Tennessee, please smoke less too.”437383bc5ea71139

Amber was sincere. As Tennessee was about c3123fbf9c to take out a 7e79c13a5e cigarette, this sharp comment 7ff4c06475 made him chuckle.1968e76d460a7007

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“You know what? They say marijuana is actually less harmful to the body than cigarettes.”ee0474ac265ca577

Is this what he’s e97d8bc384 learning while homeschooled?While lighting up, Tennessee 8fdd07c1d5 squinted one eye.31a72a5a299fd69f

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“And marijuana is actually less addictive too.”b04ffbf635833667

“No.”7a104bbea378a52e

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Remembering Tennessee’s aversion to drugs, the child nodded.43a98458aa5ad3db

“But you know what?”acd8fc2a1c781c47

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“What now?”ad7ee0e4479a6b6f

“Alcohol is also a drug. The difference between them is that one is legal and the other one illegal, but alcohol falls under drugs too.”3791533feb8c663f

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“I know.”d587ef5fe031de65

“Then you shouldn’t drink either.”2a652ac773c0f2fe

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Amber was thinking of 326c68a3a3 Tennessee who occasionally drank 77983f33ab beer.bdfe82a022642ed4

“…I will take care of myself.. Go inside.”320884685629e78b

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The child tapped the ground with his sneakers. Someone seemed to be coming out of the house, probably having seen Tennessee’s car. There wasn’t much time left. No, there was never enough time when being with Tennessee.f3aa3c516e821efd

“Goodbye, Tennessee.”c56aa9033f53cb51

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“Goodbye, Amber.”3a7edc7c62ff4829

It was just temporary, 8e49d34735 but it was a 72ab867ad6 farewell. More so for Amber. There was no way 53eb7a7320 to contact him, no 4745c274d9 way to convey these 0569e6308a complicated feelings to him.fdb98d17cfc6dd6b

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“Ah, Tennessee, do you remember? You promised to tell me something.”c9d36d297e0ff73b

Amber raised his 37a2514493 voice at Tennessee’s 30beb35791 back, as he 814a61c494 had turned around 1c86f9ac84 without any apparent 092c5d656a regret or lingering 635c5f6fbb attachment.5ff84706dec68de7

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‘When I return, I’ll answer one question you ask.’e043d704e17db508

Tennessee, remembering his own a26bd0bbfe words, nodded.01d710519a8f3421

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“…What’s your name?”9738453c98fc937b

Not Tennessee, 81a9d184b2 but the 506758ae94 name his 43aa54b2d7 birth parents 2fc2b9fc4d gave him.63e05c550bf2f84b

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“Leandre Blake Johns.”1403863214038efb

For something d7c1ae052f Tennessee had 8fb00776ca kept hidden 7605a40e0f for so 12d1e1d2d8 long, he 8295b90930 answered far 20dc154882 too easily. Amber’s expression showed 6d5144c1cc a subtle reaction.It’s a b10456588b more normal 2e57d20442 name than 9104822dd8 I expected.59ab1a65feb77487

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“I’m leaving.”4ea568d53a701805

Take care. The child murmured like that. By now, Tennessee’s back view was familiar. He had adapted, even if he didn’t want to.5deb8cccb918ea00

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***0814a8d68b3ecd15

Since the FBI was fundamentally a federal investigation agency, they weren’t free from jurisdiction issues when operating in other countries. However, by hiring individuals like Tennessee, they could make excuses for operating outside the jurisdiction.1d632508a42354fc

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Because he wasn’t an official FBI member, Tennessee didn’t expect the FBI to protect him at all. He was a disposable tail that could be cut off at any time, but he accepted even while knowing this.b29c8b21a7897a94

Now it might be 3f4a04aae0 time to make plans fb4b137d76 for what comes next, Tennessee thought.423af0b28345d0d8

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“What are you doing?”3f39c53af9650be4

Caylen asked while picking 6a07c95a8f up a bra that 77aae7db88 had fallen under the 3081aed330 bed. She roughly fastened the 69f4361588 hooks and then picked 90e6061d11 up and put on edd84b85a4 a t-shirt that had ae7f4e7c97 fallen to the floor.5f262c247a6d6683

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“Ah, this was yours.”ba9919ca16bd906e

She had put it on because the color was similar, but it turned out to be Tennessee’s. Wearing Tennessee’s clothes, with his significant size difference, made her shoulders look dramatically dropped. Caylen, belatedly finding her own clothes, threw off Tennessee’s top.679b4597131e7539

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Tennessee didn’t respond. Caylen peeked curiously at Tennessee. He was looking at something on his laptop. An email. More specifically, Tennessee was looking at photos of the child attached to the email.f70c7fda71f45c9f

It was the contact information he had given to Amber’s adoptive parents, telling them to keep in touch occasionally. He hadn’t even given the email address to the child, worried that it might interfere with his adjustment to the new family.b9af5aecf2024155

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David and dcac942762 Elizabeth were 7acc687ab5 people full 8be5e31a6c of affection f72fa4fbdd and love, 70e3b0dfb9 and they 8fcc9ec8cf seemed to ac6843f9f5 believe that d4c5b9a127 Tennessee would c5b354fcf9 be the 4f234832f4 same as 12be76934f they were.dbabc903eddd47c2

They sent photos of their family’s happy moments almost every 2-3 weeks. It was always the same whether Tennessee replied or not.e18465645d16fe46

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In the photos, Amber’s height gradually increased, his jawline became more defined as if chiseled, and his neck and shoulders grew thicker.85e0ee9cd1424342

The photos, which at first only showed the child’s expressionless face, slowly began to capture Amber’s natural smiles. With more time, Amber would be able to smile brightly without reservation, like he had during his trip to Florida. The photos showed such positive signs everywhere.37a544b0575defb0

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“You know what’s weird?”7ea35e4b34d8ae47

Caylen continued while putting cc73f045ee on her shorts.b5c6866fb073ee8d

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“Looking at photos of a kid right after having a great time with your sex partner.”c13320049d8a5d6f

Tennessee’s eyes showed both irritation and disbelief at once. He clearly didn’t like the nuance. As Tennessee frowned and was about to snap something back, Caylen discovered the child’s photo and burst out in admiration.2bff9841825898e5

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“He has grown a lot.”48ad8946b7dba99f

Then, poking her head 9d522d4515 out from behind Tennessee, 5eccb1f522 she added.9ccbc474c28fab2e

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“He must be quite popular. How old did you say he was?”79ac27b9fe26973e

“He’s in 8th grade. About to enter high school.”fc461c98730449fc

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“And he’s that tall?”991c39c334d189b9

While Amber’s adoptive parents said Amber’s height was growing day by day, Tennessee hadn’t really felt it. Partly because most of the photos of Amber he had sent were solo shots, and partly because he couldn’t guess his height just from looking at photos.7a3af8fda18516c4

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However, seeing a recent photo taken with his adoptive father David made Amber’s height feel real. Tennessee momentarily even doubted the authenticity of the photo.58e3f89908c682d0

“You’ll see him soon.”f6886b4d044736f6

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Tennessee nodded.97e5c3350a9fda4b

“Since it’s in a month, you can finally get some rest in the meantime. Where did you say you’d be during that time?”6a5b7fae4ddac2b2

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“Just here and there.”3f318b09f79a9713

“Meet me when you have time.”e9fd7a7f715ba38c

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Caylen, who had 0d712f8ea4 a principle of f8696f1ef5 not separating her 840e0483d3 political ambitions and 2dea18ae8a goals from her 5357468e78 love life, was dec74aa4b3 a decent sex e9e8b1407f partner. She was honest and 6296253dc1 active in bed, and 4ff9eb073a even refreshingly straightforward.b205d5a2cd5d2840

Tennessee’s attitude wasn’t much different, so they had maintained a long-term, clean, and non-emotional relationship. They had been together in Tehran, Kandahar, Baghdad, Islamabad, and Kuala Lumpur.c01b28f4867e6a5f

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“I plan to stay in Chicago for about a week. Come then.”f36d2ad48e858611

“Good.”2589e79ef9b99f26

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Closing the 7795d0681c laptop, Tennessee ed154d67b9 thought about b2800fed29 meeting Amber fe422afd3d in a 50b3eb42f7 few weeks. How different 582b3e4021 would the 0455476cab child be 55381485ab in person? In the photo, 04ad4249da Amber had a f8a250ec46 faint smile and 0d76c250bb gentle eyes.1a5c217da1f36a2a

Although his face had changed a lot, looking at the photos immediately brought back memories of how he looked when younger. But once he turned away, he couldn’t quite picture the child’s smiling face. Every time he looked at the photos, he would be surprised, thinking ‘ah, this is how his face is’.b09b7c790c0ea4ac

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“Do you keep in touch often?”d808ad431b5bd62e

He wasn’t sure if it could be called keeping in touch. Rather than both sides having a conversation, it was closer to Tennessee unilaterally watching over Amber.7e1503feaae33c00

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Tennessee still had people f5e8a50a9b report to him about 222318e523 Amber. Things like cfc1ff444e whether there 7a131f57aa were signs f58630ffcc of abuse, 62f120ffa8 if he 4b976a8631 was being 79ca258837 bullied at db9432aa4e school, if 259853df3c there were c7e31e5a40 any health 4c4cfc1006 issues. The last report he 381e5371ad received was a few c2b3e6a67b weeks ago.6634d9d397b62e4e

How is Amber f8b3e761d2 doing?cc5b70ae82b3908f

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Even though e63d501a3e he knew, 80f73e5484 he would 38855c7c79 suddenly become e5b3bb349e curious.cc9ee39ed57762b4

***29bb0278756529ec

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At that 9c6263c853 time, Amber 30d67a16f8 was holed 601ebdb7c1 up in 9723797be4 his room. Taking off his 0426d2ceb7 school uniform tie b9c7421e81 and sitting on f975401af3 the bed, he 449ce2ca55 rubbed his forehead. Amber believed his life c283cd1dc4 was going smoothly. Or at least c0468435ac it was on 73935c0332 the surface.e74f2b13d2d3396e

He had most dinners with the family at the table, no problems at school, and good grades. But Amber had corners that couldn’t be filled with a ‘normal life’.5afcb88625ea93b7

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Amber looked ad240861d8 at his d79b1278e4 phone. There was a153bdda62 no contact 0646494950 from Tennessee c6036c6530 today either. Well, he was e20ad6be71 always stingy with 6348972fa7 the times he 4fa31e0876 contacted him. Looking back, while Tennessee 981076a260 was always basically kind 95fdeb29a3 and allowed many things, 8faf924d1f he never approached first.88a0cc21fb6543c0

He was cold 5777c19417 and indifferent.If I collected all the tears I’ve shed because of you, it would make a pond deep enough to sink up to my ankles.2473665f6d1ef7a9

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Amber was angry at himself for being unable to stop thinking about Tennessee. Tennessee was always in Amber’s daily life. During classes, spending time with family, or exercising, part of Amber’s consciousness was invariably by Tennessee’s side, and lately, it had gotten worse.3fb036310258c5d7

A week, c78c16060e no, was d6eada544f it two c7856793e6 weeks ago? Amber had a 887818abed dream. A dream cd4be2330f with Tennessee ba7ad5a92b in it. Because he treated 4d36cf9a57 him so tenderly 295b86d9b9 that it brought 9b5f50ea87 tears to his 64ec701558 eyes, Amber realized a242576f8a it was a d7478e2670 dream.b1da5cdca0dc6f0c

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Tennessee was kissing a dd4a414c5d woman. Seeing his oblique jawline 45a7dd189d and sensual movements, Amber 015296545a stood there not knowing d002320804 what to do. As their 5b298b7bf5 lips met, 949ed936cf Tennessee lifted 7bf0bdb9b0 his head. Their eyes met f9f1ae6656 as Tennessee touched c9715400f9 the soft body 7ea9bb1e11 of the woman. It felt 2958f28aa3 like falling bede485d3d into those 872ec41bc2 blue pupils.a733d06932a377f8

‘Come here, Amber.’efe944405f4d96d0

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He said in the e7b89ff9a0 dream, and he walked a7779e951b mindlessly toward him, losing b2821c3856 his will.3e5750253f628639

‘Good boy.’33e6740dc915c744

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It was 13db769478 a sweet b9e6c280e3 compliment. Amber had to bite b7e3b212eb their lower lip to 2cde14c17a keep from tearing up. It was the tone 054e0f82ba Tennessee had used only c8145ea151 once before. That time, when a9a1b029a4 Amber had woken 11fbced7fb up, feverish and 021633e30d dazed, Tennessee had 99e294bb5a cradled him in 4e5d2a55d1 his arms and 8cf6ede58b given him medicine.707d0efdb2357d8f

‘Didn’t you miss me?’eaadb95dd7cec042

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Tennessee’s voice was extremely soft, unlike usual. It was as if a layer of coldness that he always wrapped tightly around himself had been peeled away.c6de85bde7a24556

‘I missed… I missed you.’ba84c53c2098b0d7

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‘I know.’a0e56b3f719efcb4

That’s a lie, isn’t it? Then why didn’t you contact me? Why didn’t you ever look for me? Did you think about me? Am I even important to you?48772c603ae0a032

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Even in 24f346812b the dream, f17914fc42 Amber was 69967ae7ed plagued with 9077ec3d41 questions. While debating whether 442450b6ae to coldly pour 4c15a0ca55 out these questions fc624a9229 to Tennessee or fffc5bcb5f suppress the impulse, fbf3ea3530 a bit of 0bdaeecc2a emotion leaked out.6f033fff8138d39a

‘What about you?’61b1c9c7ac53f097

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‘Me too.’1d817db8834718cb

Just those words.60f721547d031800

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When he opened d09cd68669 his eyes to 812537f97e a loud sound, adfd378ff0 Amber realized that 5a2bcfcf78 sound was none 13803834e8 other than his 611a210a5a own heartbeat. Rising up, Amber buried 11270d6229 his heated face in 84d7716225 his palms.ace7613e01d1c752

He rubbed his face several times. His heart rate soared, yet Amber wasn’t surprised at all. It felt like something that was bound to happen.b8028788aa3c67d3

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There wasn’t a moment when he didn’t think about Tennessee. Even now, he remembered when Tennessee had barged in while he was showering. It must have been not long after meeting Tennessee. Amber had been wary of him, yet oddly excited by his presence.7a3ce4501ee0083f

The words and actions 6f7b9007b2 Tennessee had made in c67395ee1e front of his frightened 97dfea11bb self were remembered as bd5b79c058 clearly as if written 9661a750b1 somewhere. Like the cigarette 27a1ddc05e being extinguished in bad0cd7cce the toilet water.57c621aaf662a573

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Looking back now, it 1605b7cf61 seems he had thrown 522cacd82f away the cigarette out 8fc930b708 of consideration for him. After that, Tennessee c4c7d5060b rarely smoked in 5af75a3a8d front of him. Often he would just 56e9c4a244 hold it in his bbb7fa2e0c mouth. He was 4955876673 only gentle 5e2a3ed94e at times 5448146a4e like that.79fbd71f8a0ddc01

He still occasionally dreamed 379aed2fe6 of him after that, 0dc8a9b859 imagining Tennessee embracing his c44db87fa7 frightened self. A useless e602c055b5 fantasy where 1709d73b44 he stroked 77e158faf0 his head 5fb51a8a3f and tenderly 9428d40f5f cherished him, c5fe6710d3 saying it 6851eda576 was okay, 07b1f38965 not caring d8a70f98e0 that his 9fd8dd224f suit was 7b5250f9ec getting all bc33cb8ec0 wet.c0c2564d09d37244

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Reality and his wish mixed together. Tennessee’s faint body scent mixing with the smell of wind. The hot presence of him hugging him tightly, saying sorry for being late.3780dbd176f53b58

When thinking about 5842dd3a84 such a Tennessee, f211854559 he always ended da72801702 up asking this 0a97138e26 question.25122d1c74823182

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Will there ever come 4b8e37f034 a day when he 826bb6d505 treasures me? Like in c6c43abdd6 this dream?c78c4479cf7b9f5a

b7093cdd975c7608

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