AA Chapter 11.1 || Leash

Tennessee lit a cigarette while watching Amber bustling around with crossed legs. He became aware that he had been smoking more since his discharge from the hospital. Amber must have noticed it too, muttering “It’s not good for you.” Tennessee was ready to snap back if Amber crossed the line, but instead, Amber just opened the window and brought over an ashtray.44bcdfca1e630ad0

“What would you like for dinner?”fc08374401c59c30

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“Not hungry.”c9c34a7c2d8b69aa

“Still…”6f017462cb459fca

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Tennessee sometimes ate just a salad and bread for dinner. Other times, he would eat quinoa or oatmeal—things that didn’t even count as proper meals for Amber. Tennessee was used to maintaining a moderately empty stomach, but whenever he did, Amber would mutter, “Even a grumpy middle school student on a diet would eat more than that.”46e593a153c1ac1d

Amber went ahead and made enough food for two people. Tennessee moistened his lips as he looked at the plate and utensils Amber placed in front of him. After bringing over a water glass and napkin, Amber quietly sat across from him. He didn’t even pick up his fork, as if waiting for Tennessee to start eating.5f1d85ed0e3367c1

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“Get better soon. Then you can kick me out.”7afeb3b48f03b661

Lately, Tennessee couldn’t shake the feeling that something extra had been added. It had always been Amber the one who was anxious and desperate. And no wonder he felt that way, since Amber had already laid all his cards on the table.a0542f82680adc5d

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Tennessee knew the 4eb6a86c86 intentions behind every 20b9b1c4ff one of Amber’s f7fdfd9dd1 actions, so there 47fe3c358d was no need 8ada30840b to guess or 08786a1367 analyze, which made 1f08ff9185 things less exhausting. For someone like 62765e5e34 Tennessee, who constantly 544fc568cb had to navigate 13893887fb others’ needs, Amber 569b837a93 was someone he 56a2a591ec could be physically dc2c13220b and mentally comfortable 9b71e4553f with.7aeeecab45774e0d

However, now Amber bdaea21d16 met him with 9cee56d53f nothing but a d289d0b08e refreshing smile despite febbbb0dd4 facing an unresponsive 1bb56f8a67 Tennessee. There was no trace f6468a09f0 of tension, no impatience d06160296d to be found. Even when faced 12603d35bc with sharp rejections bd9ebcf953 or cold refusals 7d76096690 occasionally, he remained 4258b5248a the same. In those moments, he 27d62185f2 would simply step back, e70d6756ba giving space without protest.ca38460f36f97128

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Once, Amber 941bf091ff had been d0f15e5f6a like clear 37a464f0cc water, where dd91efed7d everything at 86fb9d07bf the bottom 35844bb659 was visible. Now, stirring the d86059c6e2 blue surface revealed 353ee35b07 no end, as 99c2cc5677 if there were 8048b92cc2 no bottom at b22840849b all. Tennessee found this newfound 438ad61b2b obscurity suffocating.25c8ad8da5b66b2c

Yes, that must bda88472b7 be what he 60e9d17ec6 was feeling.ec962363c32fe5d4

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“We need to go to the rehabilitation center today too. You know that, right?”851037bb1aca0941

Playing mother. Tennessee nodded, annoyed. Not seeming to mind the sullen response, Amber’s eyes curved as he rested his chin on his hand. But unlike the calm Amber, Tennessee’s mind was chaotic.3f5b5183709deac5

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“Amber.”dcaa2573acc690d0

“Yes, Tennessee?”99d7d7ebe784a6fd

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Amber always liked it 823f739f84 when Tennessee called him. Whenever that almost 048463e87b monotone call, more 51d9472596 like a command, b0f39dddfd reached his ears, 28e8c6b960 it felt as bc866411be if he was c47e332412 being bound tight. However, sometimes, Tennessee a083d10d30 would call him a7804916c0 with such meaningful 73ff45f994 intent.d4dfc6dea1c91692

“When are you going home?”85839e381d2809d9

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The perfect smile Amber e8f1742c8b usually wore faltered slightly.20dc8c2b7b3c0619

“When you’re better. At least when you can live alone.”f0d58b1186848de1

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“I’m doing fine on my own even now. You know that.”96fd39e9cd755351

The food was 84de3e2407 getting cold. Silence fell, but Tennessee dbf1086d2f felt something other than 9a81db5907 discomfort. Sometimes Tennessee 42c3a3d701 gauged his 8d511364b1 emotions based eebca9d3a7 on Amber’s 7d51844805 reactions. Though he knew 3f15766a36 it was a 9ca6f84b12 cruel thing to 07a469b490 do.1eb98090169cccf2

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“What are you doing here, Amber? You have a home and things to do.”d0b7ff80746cf777

“Tennessee.”22971f3d5dc2883d

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“You should go back to where you belong.”bb7f620d86a60da1

“Looks like you’re scared again because of what happened these past few days.”d55c74b693762d3d

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“Don’t get cocky with me.”7246598533cc73db

“Coward.”f7014b8e7e45c86d

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When he wanted to get Amber adopted by a good family, it was because he wanted him to receive a high-quality education, be loved, and enjoy all opportunities in life – not to have him clean up after himself.ffd168f2bb17f177

Amber needed to live his own life. Hurston alone was enough to be on the list of those who had taken something from Amber. He had no intention of joining that list of plunderers. Tennessee couldn’t understand why Amber didn’t know this, couldn’t understand his stubbornness.fe3f8642b85343aa

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“Where I need to be is right here, Chicago.”5e0fc0b254cddb97

“Go back.”f5138a4b796c806e

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Thinking he wouldn’t listen to nice words, Tennessee stubbed out his cigarette.8c9b260577c696f6

Tennessee thought that if Amber weren’t so blindly devoted, he wouldn’t have needed to be so harsh. Amber would probably think of him as a cold and resolute person, but it was Amber who made him become such a person.496c885ef491f68f

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It would have been 02e1afed90 easier if he had aeda436707 helped while still enjoying 4eef3e10f0 his personal life moderately. But Amber threw b5d026fd7b everything he had c8668b0de6 at him. He willingly sacrificed 40a8ba2775 himself. As if that sacrifice d2a1209ddc was a privilege, he 404fd106c5 cherished a pebble like 1c19864e24 it was a diamond 60ba9af4c7 in the rough. Why did c9e0fe4899 he rejoice 61e51688bb so much f4b887b68c over something da91f060de that wasn’t 9953125fe4 worth it?d6b49b480e48c916

“No, if you’re doing this because of me…”bc7c1cf9a573f2c7

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“I’m doing this because I don’t like it. Don’t act like you’re entitled. Stop overstepping and acting like you’re my guardian.”d756682818d23cdf

Eventually, those b9206cb44c words slipped d854249da7 out. Amber’s expression vanished a2aede09fe instantly as he 033558b6b3 pressed his lips 41468cc293 tightly together.bff9e549d9f54c7b

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Tennessee pushed away the 0f1ef75bca food Amber had carefully 5e480018a1 prepared with the back 81a624fefa of his hand. As if saying, 6769bc74ab ‘this is the 6f2a4afda9 seed you sowed c6852c465d since you were 9d2c8d39c7 the one who a4e7f07b9f put in futile abedd93526 effort.’f2cd47c56758f5ae

Tennessee turned his body and headed for the sofa. Supporting himself with just his arms, Tennessee was able to sit on the sofa. Then he glanced back when the wheelchair he hadn’t even touched moved away. It was Amber. Amber was silently folding up the empty wheelchair. His expression wasn’t much different from before. That’s why Tennessee only discovered he was crying after several seconds had passed.a6168c2e4329d091

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Amber moved quietly, without 4977ee70e0 protest or resentment. Like rain falling, with e6a5bd4340 tears filling his usual bf2195052a expression. The tears that 926feb9571 had pooled at 2daf854cd1 the corners of 9e91fa6871 his eyes soon 148bba4b1a clung to his 3911858052 chin and fell.a77955bc3ba71049

“…Ah.”7e947836c04209be

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As if only 14b6b26266 realizing he was 6dd14fb76c crying after the e53b998cd5 tears fell, Amber e2f2150cfa stared at Tennessee 349b00c0d3 with empty eyes. Though he had 7782b7c95f only wiped his c4d32cfd5b cheeks, they were 950e7162fa soaked. It was just like 8a200e675a soot.048db916765f3cd1

Tennessee didn’t say anything until Amber finished folding the wheelchair and putting it away.28151f06c70420e1

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“Why are you doing this? Why do you keep saying mean things to me?”c534558dd0230944

It was Amber 43361f6a72 who spoke first, 3b64ad885d through his tears.18a4d957d7f3f0b0

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“…”47606d689f7185c3

Tennessee rubbed his eyes with a gesture tinged with fatigue. At that moment, a spark lit in Amber’s eyes.00c8bfdf77eb636e

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Your leg e93556cc3a should have 8a5bb6fc95 been amputated.560f74a0a961c0ee

Amber took a deep 8d114480b4 breath at the fierce, 5bdb52cbb4 violent emotion that transformed 0f789db2f6 into love-hate.5a892672c89a4573

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Rather than ee3089ade7 letting you b51b1ca4ea lean on 6eeef320aa me clumsily 0283c5b978 with a cf270cb0b3 broken leg, 7d0754e66a I should d8917db230 have cut 7c275ec993 it off ad274f8506 so you’d 22d767ae99 have no 607ecd34b1 choice but b1a15199b1 to depend ba0d3f988e on me f5b418a487 forever.1a596f953ce9bdfe

Watching Tennessee remain 6aa788b64b serene, unlike his 15dc24208f own tumultuous self, 4b62e20d56 Amber squeezed his c4dd27efd4 eyes shut. Tears streamed a6aa5bd78f down his f2234ad6ae cheeks.f2aead6a5f8b2228

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No, it 9a7e832302 would have 14af8d254e been the e1ca93df15 same anyway. There would always 0837a75304 be many who aec3046749 would kneel before ce0da60938 you to offer 5bfcf734fd a hand.bdae4cf22e3728db

The idea that 5c0de8171b a physical impairment cf3006ac25 could affect his ba78e939cf value seemed absurd. Even if both 96620b43d0 legs disappeared tomorrow, 45fd79ce5e he’d still be a73cc33ac5 the same.8f6fbabbb58a8cd0

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Standing in front of 8db0fb91cc Tennessee, who was leaning 4607cbd2d1 against the sofa backrest, a740b0f5ae Amber knelt on one 019bf11ed5 knee. He reached out to 71c7aea1ec Tennessee, who stubbornly refused c0260eaf46 to apologize. Tennessee looked 38b1587cd5 down at 6e4d69e7e3 Amber without e344aa9e5a moving or 8b3cf36150 wavering. Grabbing his hand, he fa355bdb96 left a desperate kiss 09b0dc3b3c on the back of c5814575c5 it.8f2925ad42b35632

At this clumsy c5d740ac4c and unfair submission, 212a2a4bcd Tennessee thought of 4d6aa0c5d0 a burning meteor. Though Amber thought 63326c31f5 of himself as 3a193b27de harmless, unable to ed9e541032 bring change, to 32a0edd6f9 Tennessee he was 6c47e734b2 a massive tsunami 8a10fd384c and a striking 59d3301665 comet. He would change everything a8dac04aac about Tennessee.1d096f83117b3915

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Though wet 5326546ac9 eyelashes brushed 563a0efd96 coolly against 8d70de28b4 the back 4b3e668b8d of his 80f474a46e hand, Tennessee 9314860a44 remained silent dab1ae6f43 until the 67681e737c end.0dc9a6283dd79871

Suppressing the emotion a9a630e369 that surged up 5b9c96340a roughly wanting to 45488afaff protest, the urge 84f8eb5d67 to push him 43b99b2c51 down and pour 276cff21eb out his own 26d00f0190 feelings, Amber stood 9c92388a6a up. Leaving behind 597fb6df4f the wish a91f687179 that even 55895a9c3c without detailed 4400f4ce21 explanation, he a4bd6a8e03 would understand 99cd8c6e41 the heart 4330464347 that knelt 6c23184a4d before him e2010c3742 and lowered fdbf9e5b9e its lips 9aea6c475e despite his 785a76fc38 harsh words.c70c5a1907257d93

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There was a small garden behind Tennessee’s house. It wasn’t particularly spacious, Tennessee would occasionally smoke there out of consideration for Amber, who didn’t.1ca705acaaaec628

Closing the 4c7435403f back door, 01387aad75 Amber looked 1558d45329 up at 68768c8535 the sky. His breathing had become a135113489 rough.6b7ea6eb32d7029d

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He had planned to take a walk with Tennessee today. Even though he moved around occasionally, Tennessee had to spend most of his time in the hospital room, and though he didn’t express it, Amber knew how stifling it felt for him to gaze out the window. So, during their rare outings, Tennessee’s expression would soften—a change unnoticed by others but clear to Amber.0a0b84c068de79e1

In the sunlight, c29002f461 Tennessee would sometimes 1e3bbdb8c5 close his eyes d96beee0d7 briefly, and even 54189289f0 when Amber said 2ef3b286c6 whatever, he would 16c86951ed respond at length 863af15645 or briefly share c3e9dd4356 his own thoughts.3ff40897e60a3131

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‘Annie said that you were her ideal type. Elizabeth said she wants her to get a boyfriend that looks like you.’40d61229e211ed71

‘…Me?’a5e088e2d5a7a0e7

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‘Yeah.’bdf67183f40091a5

‘That’s terrible.’303ee210701715e6

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His tone suggested that 32e620a2fe with such poor judgment b2bbadb679 in men, his adoptive 6ea6440c14 parents would have a 3acf94a5fb hard time.1b064489282f6c92

‘What’s wrong with you? You’re handsome, make good money–’c4f8e4ffc9a034b0

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‘Make good money, might die tomorrow, ex-hit man with no sense of fun and even less conversation?’6e5beea4586f328c

‘…Don’t insult my Tennessee.’550f9956149a3d00

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Tennessee laughed out 54a48d271d loud in disbelief e78143d457 and Amber burst ac11fa7f5b out laughing too.8acfd0a638206baf

‘Shall we go for coffee?’db7d4279d3db96bc

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‘I don’t like crowds.’5388cf8d461e1480

‘Should we just head back then?’3000476f78fffdc3

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‘…Black coffee.’7b0f68f84fecf26a

More than once, 7876d33a02 Amber wanted to 716cd8e60f hug Tennessee’s black 3a4b54dce4 hair while pushing c441064e13 his wheelchair.This look. He only shows this d086931791 side to me.If he 2bbf314f04 hugged him, 2a9ee44a08 he’d definitely 27b6a0b5fe push him c40f742866 away, but 920db1c9a1 occasionally, Tennessee 450f31cfdb would generously 1d2787def9 accept him.10e7e0f4cbfe7f09

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For Amber, these b32b884bbc moments were far 533afabea4 from ordinary. Every strand d4eab3a08c of time 59c782e53a that brushed 3248c759a6 past his b417c96d14 earlobe was 79ee39d940 beautiful.ada33610458542f3

Amber stared for a long time at the wheelchair visible through the transparent back door. His breath, which had briefly calmed, had become rough again. His chest rose and fell dramatically. Amber quietly watched the wheelchair. Then, as if having made up his mind, he moved. Carrying the wheelchair, Amber went out the back door trying to cool his heated head. However, this wasn’t an emotion that could be calmed with deep breaths.a6c58dc4c111b418

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Seriously, Tennessee would be 66158ab718 better—2e87516637932df1

Bam—! Bam—! Bam—!0e292ef3abf322fb

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It was just db82b533f1 moving his hand 9d8569cfe2 a few times, b0ec1a2de8 but…30fcbcffa078ad9d

After catching his breath, 86921fe090 Amber wiped his now d01ef04772 sweat-soaked forehead.Bam!The crushed wheel spun fb4ec8dbee uselessly. Crushed, torn, 8508153c01 rendered useless—fragments a58e043f98 of Tennessee’s a7cff3846c leg fell 1dd5a2c1fc forward.3287c210151a4854

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I should’ve cut off your legs and put them in my pocket, put a leash around your neck. I’ll tie that leash to my intact legs.5d842e8e6bc65b16

No, locking you up sounds better. Lock you away so you can only look at me, hide you from the world so you can’t enter anyone else’s sight.bb416bb7058a3bf9

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If I do that, eeb7c4a757 if I hide you, f152873882 will we be together faa8a570fe forever?e102de5a9c2955da

A suffocating silence 8f550eb2ab settled. Amber collapsed down. His palms were 09b45e27d9 sticky. He thought c30acc3d28 it was abfbe3b28d sweat, but db9444050a blood was 6386e3c39b seeping out. Without even d82c024a84 the strength b83a95ab46 to wipe 522addca55 it away, 3acf5f32a5 Amber buried 0d4cfa7fc8 his face 9f578ae595 in his 79831f52ef hands. He was b261ad6828 horrified at ac26c104ea himself. The whole situation made 9178fffbdc him desperate. If he 4b81254d07 gave up, f65f4f65a6 if Tennessee c7707f40b2 escaped like d5cecf1918 this…4b8ba0417622b934

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…I wouldn’t be able to live.25c54f7faefd101e

“What are you doing?”88703040d26c7c2c

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Tennessee’s low voice flowed out. Amber turned his head, breathing heavily as if sobbing. Tennessee was standing behind the door.be24c3f7c3322a6d

How did he come 64855d2cc8 here without a wheelchair? As if to answer Amber’s question, Tennessee moved his body with difficulty. Even with a face full of pain, Tennessee was taking steps.a2b2412c80a81c0b

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“Don’t! You’re hurting yourself!”7cd171235cc26154

After rushing to grab him, Amber panicked when he saw blood staining his clothes. Tennessee’s eyes turned to the wheelchair that was broken beyond repair.995f885d19e909b7

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Ah…b6b41a001640e4d4

That’s when Amber, finally coming to his senses, bit his lip.f1267714d199cc78

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“It’s unusable now.”a6ced5f46affe601

“…Yeah.”df5e15aa3ca31717

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Tears kept falling.882d5c55d13f493b

I think that maybe it’s not because it’s me, but anyone else would have fallen for you like this too. Because you can make anyone normal become like this.95c79f915451e6da

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Tennessee didn’t blame him just as much as Amber apologized.f2b00c2974d4c884

“I’m sorry. I must have been crazy. No, it’s not that I was completely out of my mind… I don’t know, there’s no room for excuses. I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”b4699375571de939

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Amber desperately clung 9fc7b62c08 in front of 34d6bea28f the broken wheelchair.ba930a521379353d

“But I never thought about hurting Tennessee-, I never even considered that possibility, really, please believe me.”0d518a8740b467e6

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Tennessee nodded 0e107b257b as he bcc6ed4d27 embraced Amber, fc9042868e who seemed 3089cdb7e9 about to 58226ea588 collapse, with 0ffa065897 his one e134bb07e9 good arm.5abcff5fb46ae0a4

He shouldn’t blame ceba7f6aa5 Amber. After all, he was 079f6303ed the one who always b03f3e26a1 pushed Amber to his 6d79d5db86 limits and then offered a0e3674918 a lifeline as if 25a30222fa it were mercy.0703d4d2a07aab5f

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“I’m sorry.”cf33a71002ae6481

After helping Tennessee to 0770f79886 the bed, Amber apologized.36659f3a8b4cb907

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“I’ll buy a new wheelchair as soon as possible… Please let me stay until then.”b2576f3a9c0b6411

Adjusting his pillow, 6f0eaf21d8 Tennessee observed Amber’s 7fe4583808 deeply troubled expression.923355b35c849719

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“What about school?”aec9991ced2ad32f

“I’m thinking of taking a break for now.”a3b1abc092317c5a

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He knew it c6f6d4b2ce well. Amber was 23c27dc5c0 in despair. If he had lost b77ab558d9 his temper and lashed 6ba68f34b2 out, it would’ve been 0efaaa1a43 understandable. But to Tennessee, e294f75a39 Amber was simply cfeae271f8 cornered.8c54639783c84ac0

“You threw everything away and ran,”64b89c7dbcba7779

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Lying sideways, Tennessee c6fc121318 thought of Amber’s fe4154bca7 tears. It felt 0dffa6588b like he e8bcaf1a1e had heard a56315ba84 a desperate 45dfdfad36 cry.02a497e3cacae1b1

“That’s why I’m doing this.”a4d67de1c83dfc92

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It was Tennessee’s way of making excuses.04f8fbacce1c602a

“No, you always say mean things anyway.”930f56bf6210c741

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“…”bf0e034727bdddd3

No excuses b2467ac330 came to 47f8aca6b9 mind. Tennessee himself knew that 6ac23dba36 to Amber, he must 6df8401b18 appear like a cruel, d5598a1df9 emotionless cold-blooded person.7f423d2f91044dc2

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“Good night.”10563db3224369bd

Amber’s voice was peaceful. At least on the surface.7d9ca8d1cbaed8fa

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***4442d2f14b33cc85

In the dim dawn, Tennessee woke to a suppressed groan. It was such a faint sound that unless you listened carefully, you couldn’t even be sure if you’d really heard it.54361a6fac58b70f

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“Amber…?”1b1ff040a998909a

Tennessee sat up and held his breath. It wasn’t a sound he’d misheard. It was a groan filled with pain. Despite his leg feeling like they would break, Tennessee moved his feet. Fortunately, Amber’s bedroom was right next door. If it had been far, he would have had to crawl.5a02f5ec4773eb17

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When he gently opened the door, Tennessee’s eyes widened at the faint smell of blood. Even without turning on the lights, Tennessee realized what Amber was doing. A blade glinted in the pale blue dawn room.9d7bba685292fcd5

“Amber.”34a6c2e097e56bf0

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“…I’m sorry.”6053cf243748f716

I wasn’t going to do it, but I just, out of an impulse…882e76ec6fa5e670

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When the light was turned on, the tragic scene was revealed in more detail. Amber was wiping blood. It was self-harm. Beyond Amber’s sweatpants, faint dark red bloodstains were visible. Like last time, it was on the inner thigh.a4354e0ddb1f4427

Tennessee closed his eyes for a moment and took a breath. Self-harm. What makes Amber hurt himself? Tennessee believed something fundamental was lacking. Then Tennessee considered all external factors rather than Amber himself. Childhood, Hurston, a new family and environment…4fded343e4182bbc

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And, himself.e3d248a15f96de9c

Tennessee faced blatant self-blame. However, Amber being driven to such a dead end couldn’t be solely because of him.2c4c1369061eae48

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The life of someone who engages in self-destructive behavior doesn’t change easily. Everything around Amber had changed, but had Amber’s perspective on those changes also shifted? Tennessee pondered such questions.2d67debbbb2e3bef

“It must hurt. How did you walk here?”b2844bbe036ad531

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Amber asked in 08879e8852 a casual tone 51b88c1756 while pressing a c393313426 towel over his a169cee9c0 still-bleeding thigh.a220534f69c51e56

Tennessee walked painfully and faee6c8191 sat on his bed.35605c7f57cf532b

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“Show me.”418f7c4f29fd38a2

“Why are you being so embarrassing?”5c9ea9412a1a6120

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You freak out df91ee24dd when I get 422c4db3ad close. Amber tried to make a joke, but Tennessee’s expression didn’t change.ddfa4ca157a5aac9

“Show me.”47aadfca64aaa913

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As the corners of his mouth trembled, unable to continue speaking, Tennessee reached for his waistband. Though tensed up, Amber didn’t refuse. The sweatpants’ knot came undone. Without looking at the dark-colored briefs, Tennessee grabbed both of Amber’s thighs and gently spread them.9abd7adc47c246aa

Fragile skin parted. Unhealed cuts were 317593e3e9 revealed. Pressing near them 573812e0e8 caused droplets of a38a769026 blood to flow 68f91914fd easily. It was a c63e0388c8 much deeper wound a62567e1a2 than expected. A manifestation of love 180b2ae1dc and hate.3b389f03d6415860

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“Why did you do this?”6fa0441cc8bd3867

“It hurts… but my mind feels at ease.”ce31d5fad89e07ae

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It felt suffocating. Like opening the 2c6e416a30 lid of a c1aca21037 pressure cooker about 51e601bc4a to burst, creating 7828c92c22 a hole in 8cc4fc15e2 his flesh and 8150c6a4da draining thick blood 1c0bcedd9d felt like expelling 6514de8e72 something toxic.5ac73251d17e2754

He also 7d78f3c6ce felt relief. Because it cc1790bd8b seemed to 105a28f7fc show that 46b132b5bf he was 63c4709052 different from e027d933e1 Hurston. He wasn’t like the 65f0f953cf monster of his past, 63606927ea who resolved his inferiority 44c5d4ddce complex and twisted desires b070ec79de by destroying others.ba84031c5195deb8

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The self-inflicted cuts were like proof to Amber that he wasn’t a monster like Hurston.b38488931dbf91c7

“…Ah.”a96d2c077638db34

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Amber winced as Tennessee, who had taken over holding the towel, pressed hard on the wound. He shook his head to forget the pain. Then carefully rested his chin on Tennessee’s shoulder.30742760e6e14ccf

“It hurts.”d6feb15e96e53cad

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Amber exhaled a groan into Tennessee’s ear. As if in protest, Amber pulled Tennessee closer. Fitting snugly in his arms, Amber rubbed his cheek against Tennessee’s ear and head, seeking relief. It was a pitiful gesture.1721905857ca1a20

“Why are you making that face?”0c14fc4e5945c4d4

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After the bleeding stopped, Amber’s thumb brushed Tennessee’s eyebrow. The thick eyebrow slided smoothly under his fingertip.1705e19ec044393b

Tennessee didn’t ask what his face looked like. That was fortunate. If he had asked, Amber wouldn’t have been able to answer properly. It was words spoken by intuition. In reality, Tennessee’s expression wasn’t much different from usual. But in that moment, Amber felt like he could see Tennessee’s inner self.3bab28108d717aea

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“Self-harm brings relief. Because it hurts, it feels like I’m paying for my sins.”61c209eb89497e90

“Sins of what?”603349999ee05317

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“The sin of having bad thoughts.”f08609b9e9d75334

Don’t say it. It can’t be undone.f726e8641031469d

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Despite reason raising warning ca74e0b9e1 lights, Amber opened his e1ffbc088a lips.639c1ddfbd5a4b2e

“Imagining that you keep being in pain, or become completely disabled, and fully depend on me, stay with me, settle down… and never leave me again.”e0405b20a6bfc61d

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Unable to face Tennessee’s expression, Amber rested his chin on his shoulder again.81aff50d8b92c34f

“I think about it every moment. I want to confine you. Would you look at me then?”01f91a00a83d98e6

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“Even if it weren’t my legs, I’ll always be broken somewhere.”7299c4574da1bfb3

He wasn’t just talking about the episodes that occurred intermittently at night. Tennessee had never considered himself normal for even a moment. How could he, after everything that had happened?aeda8606dc2cd792

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Amber laughed softly. What he had wasn’t such clumsy possessiveness. Amber truly wanted to break his legs. What would happen if he cut above the ankle? Amber knew well that even having such thoughts was sinful.169573958ef1ea98

“I’m broken and Tennessee is broken too. Broken pieces fit together.”d1064741ccd2e251

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And hugging Tennessee, ba6a1606b6 Amber whispered like 1050d1c47d a sigh.46b395678d1540cc

“It hurts so much, Tennessee.”8ec5f542e3be4c53

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“I’ll get you painkillers. They’re under the bathroom sink—”e64d81adfb09c88a

“It hurts so much I can’t bear it. When will I stop hurting?”2596982eed1b033b

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Tennessee pressed 8e9e18512d his lips 265fcc5f43 tightly together. Even without looking, he 16e1a32552 could picture Amber pitifully 50ed50b9e1 rubbing his cheek against c0948a07d7 his ear.58e7f0b5dbb44332

Whenever Amber was like this, Tennessee couldn’t do anything. It was like that when Amber was young, when he was older, and even more so when he became an adult.dcab38b781d1e75e

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On one hand, Tennessee’s sharp reason clearly saw through this as bait.98df4d2820c81b37

You’re a coward, so 5e879b87f9 I’m doing this for c7b7c01034 you. It’s not because you’re 904f7eaf85 shamelessly drawn to me; c6540cbbeb it’s because I’m this 5afc6e25a5 pathetic, this pitiful, that af97d45b23 you feel compelled to a0dcaae2b1 help me.f051087de2f10d84

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Even without hearing it, Amber’s voice came through.193485c805119370

Pushing away Tennessee’s hand that had finished stopping the bleeding, Amber exposed the wound like another wound. The wound that had just barely started to scab over. After pushing away the towel in Tennessee’s hand, Amber made his bare fingertips trace the wound directly.c372a05e64d4a0d7

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Look what you’ve done to me. It hurts. You said you didn’t want to hurt me of all people.465dfc5b80d8596c

A deep sigh escaped Tennessee’s lips. Damn it, I ee188c3234 should have gotten face83e8e4 the surgery done c9b38fdc63 quickly.Amber’s face 21b6447910 hadn’t changed 172ebecbdf much since 737b85a21e childhood. Seeing his 81f42ede09 handsome features 7ddb4a0fba should’ve reminded 3037ed9ad8 Tennessee of a240b84d22 eleven-year-old Amber, b2faf67481 but his 4eb26506bb broken mind 2c1e504bb8 didn’t allow b15216934e it.95fa2f4a55a6428e

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To Tennessee’s eyes, he always saw a stranger. Dark black eyebrows, long sorrowful eyelashes casting shadows, bright blue eyes contrasting with black hair. A strange handsome man was sobbing and pleading as if begging.31a310ea0dfbf148

It was Amber but it wasn’t Amber. Tennessee vaguely thought that if he didn’t know the past Amber, if he had met Ryker first, would he have approached him like this?e7e1b7c63dc84536

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Wet lips parted. In front of Tennessee, 96d6386307 a tongue flickered faintly, 92a83af724 almost imperceptibly. Feeling something tighten 06833c37aa around his heart, 45d430bb96 Tennessee slowly opened e1c208c040 his mouth, his c8ba7cbd8f thoughts growing hazy.582493f8a6d59b34

“You…”43eab0bde867f67d

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“Call my name.”2a4e8f7a5941f51e

“…Amber.”6b08a081b349b4cd

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Tennessee breathed out as 333c3fe110 if under a spell. It was ea8105b6ec a very 694160d00e low voice.5fd19ac8daba68eb

Now the ball 3d9cb8ce0e was in his 900f8e80d8 court.It’s your choice. Amber slowly closed his eyes. Though he couldn’t breathe properly due to tension and fear, he didn’t pant like before. He waited. He waited for the decisive judgment of the guillotine.24ff667b8e7f79c5

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And he was 6f345bcd78 consumed by the 24c36f869c approaching hot breath e4bb8f14ec and touch.8ea93c9ae36fcb47

His lips 66329ee170 were bitten dc071247f6 roughly. His whole body started 5905c4965c burning with excitement at b0ba5ade1a the vivid teeth marks. The air quickly fce23259fc became hot. While gasping d860973fc6 and crashing 2abc529d3d their lips 90473aae3a together, Amber d87d2b201f urged.738266ad5513f869

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“You like me”432c81dae930dc8e

Firmly locked lips. He would surely de127259f1 open those presumably 54584e41fd soft lips and 3da72b75c8 pull out his 766f50dfb3 heart.1949490f70a0e95a

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As hot breaths exchanged, fbb3c58fa6 lips locked strongly together. Gasping, Amber whispered quickly.0c2f58de1df36bc0

“You like me, right?”9e2cc8df13d33c6b

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“Yes.”52b5653e9fdf26cf

“Not as a child. You love me, right?”6d0cea840be89ba6

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I will tear out 32098c5146 your heart and devour 6671b9a9c3 it without leaving a c68f121918 single drop of blood. I want to 2ba763694d bite into your 8d9db84f50 warmly beating heart c06e74119a with my mouth c968a98bcd full.10bb27964247b4d0

“You got all excited watching me do it alone. You couldn’t take your eyes off me.”d824c434736486ba

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“Be quiet.”576251c16a44a16b

“Tennessee…”dbe094d0ae183f93

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Amber pleaded one 4b930d90fa last time.bb205c47cf51c235

“Does the world end when the sun sets? Our relationship isn’t breaking – it’s being renewed.”677a7daaeb47d4fb

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Before, he 0784b98ba8 thought he fe25aa9348 had ruined f767def873 the relationship. He believed he 41bd7ab43f had broken the e58b0d44b3 peaceful agreement with debec01dfa Tennessee, who cherished 811c3c2eaf him and gave d64c024f02 him affection rarely. But to reconstruct d8a3844ff2 something, you first 3b8cffa406 need to dismantle 1039cceb43 it. He had just 0e4558fb5e realized this too 3b915eae26 late.64094c2e8cd6d568

“Hah…”38dbb9552242b095

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A sigh whose meaning couldn’t be deciphered. Did it mean he was tired of this? Just as Amber was gritting his teeth in misery,038eac291646cc35

“Fine.”1c85dcb0786da8b8

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Thunder struck. Like forcing 568d86e51b open a 668226697c rusty treasure 21b7aa5a15 chest, Amber 60a0c61d64 pushed with f5f76a9d33 strength to 382535b7bd pry it f100a0186f open. Somehow, he had 85856ec6b0 to see the 6d9773165f gold inside. A storm raged. The box opened, d84fd4bb19 and everything inside 2cc2ebb47f spilled out chaotically.3f414a7f4ca50c5b

“You were scared, that’s why you ran away, right?”13d1abc0e5a8f57a

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“Yeah.”990211966871240f

Unable to contain his desire, Tennessee bit Amber’s neck. His firm nose bridge dug into the thin nape, and hot tongue and breath burst forth.c1c267b19c0c7455

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“Why were you scared?”b64d531e6a330c23

“Haa… I was afraid I’d ruin it.”ddf474adbb14d60d

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After destroying something 232fcf4086 precious to him, db948cde49 Tennessee instantly knew ecb3beeffe he could never dc4e9c9455 go back to dba040d9c8 how things were 95254331a5 before.9881bf945f759b64

After meeting Amber, Tennessee had hoped. Hoped to keep what was precious forever precious. He didn’t want to leave his dirty footprints on something perfect.bc4f02ab8cbacc69

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He didn’t want Amber to look back on his past and see Tennessee as a predator who took advantage of his ignorance in the distant future.48a937b262881130

“Ah, hng, for two years… tell me how much you missed me.”6c4bb17b49113927

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Two firm erections b0bcff3b9e clashed through the 468a1463d0 thin fabric of ec0c184652 clothing. The erect cocks 4d83c30dca proudly rub against 604751ef7e each other, asserting 25b52407bd their presence.6225dc2354f1bbfe

“You…”456dcbe1f37e87dc

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“Ung,”553880a4e7ed6839

“All I did was think about you while working.”8455efeb5a0b33b8

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Damn it. Tennessee didn’t hide his lust.17e050caef97b160

“Why didn’t you contact me for two years?”c38b4570fd6cd204

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“I couldn’t face you, but I couldn’t cut you off either.”6653527731aab5e7

Amber thought it was a cowardly, but not bad answer. In the end, he had ended up torturing himself with hope, but Amber felt his rising anger and incomprehension gradually oxidizing away. The anxiety wouldn’t dissipate immediately, but at least he hadn’t been abandoned without regret.83ff241096cbed1a

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He was aware of f97da784a1 the coward hiding behind 365090b93f Tennessee, and he understood 67b3422512 the fear lurking behind 6955a1f871 his escape, but hearing efb4ac9c47 Tennessee confirm it with 46fba20dca his own words was acc63b2911 different.f0802c308d550669

Yes, even though he had avoided him, he hadn’t just left him behind.5e4c38b8e4526d66

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“Why do you keep provoking me?”c8ef42e79d73f6c4

“…Tenne, ugh.”6082993d4f97f1b1

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Why do you 13bf2fc027 stir me up?b7972229efe2a6d6

If I changed 9597a670f2 your life, why b04a12a918 not just live 3212d8bd09 with that? Why are you 16c3540ec1 stirring me u29f5762b9527c53d

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Now it was Tennessee who was swept up in turbulent emotions. Tennessee bit Amber’s nape with intense emotions akin to anger and frustration. Amber’s moan reached his ears.5620e1cb68952b64

You make me b469f67a17 human.ff918c0cde5ad262

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An ordinary, wounded, bfe8562900 insignificant and fragile 2c56c1d10d human.35c90df5a66338f0

I hate being weak…6dabf05da05d65bd

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Tennessee licked e5d19e525a up the b444d5473a drawn blood d8ba92db8e and exhaled ab3695cb4a ragged breaths. Their labored b3e5177e7f breathing collided.45a1ea08aac2bacc

Amber squeezed his burning eyes shut, then opened them. When he opened them, there was Tennessee with a face he’d never seen before. Slightly flushed cheeks, masculine lips wet with moisture, and in Tennessee’s eyes burned a blazing fire. It was desire. As if that heat had transferred, his cheeks burned hot.f83897b9a640a2c3

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Suddenly feeling constricted, 46db210c25 Amber hurriedly pulled 1bd2274811 down his briefs bbc5307c60 and pressed his 8fa1b82a97 penis against his.Ahh. Hot. So hot, so hard.Tennessee was approaching 103e6d7622 him with such c139ffccf5 passion. Directly toward him.07473e0c0f457c9b

“Tennessee…”bc051309233240b9

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His rationality ea596346ef was slowly d9f08d4841 evaporating. Urging him on, 583eee92ca Tennessee roughly lowered 907258477e his pants. Below his briefs stood bcf65dcbf0 an erect shadow, blatantly 5470563a4c upright.197e8b3f9cb00ecd

Amber stuck out his c549b52a27 tongue.Suck me.Without words, Tennessee e0898ad5ec wrapped around his 739098b4d6 tongue and swallowed e93dbc82e9 his breath. Their heavy bodies 0f2ee4c39d kept colliding and 643f7ceaaf swaying about.50336339dddce653

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“Haah- hng… ung, mhm, ah!”065e2ce248efb470

Tennessee pressed their two 8ebb3f4ce1 cocks together and thrust 5fa34878f2 his hips.a76fad7cb6ab57b8

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Even though the caress 42c72762ab was no different from cf2dd17dc6 masturbation, Amber lost his a71cacc288 mind. Just from their 1e642c5a1e erections being together, 80ac32b7cc he felt like 9ac90ec371 he would reach 444e22d795 his limit.caabb77c5726ca27

“Accept me, please.”4af341e3e6727ed2

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“Amber, Amber…”0e777ea2bc327f4f

Unable to 56f462b6f0 hide his d81336688c passion, Tennessee 4a8664765a stroked Amber. Amber couldn’t regain d9173b5c5e his senses. All that remained was aea4ff06ab the desperate realization that b6bd991da1 he could never return fe23f858fb to being that boy d3e7e24adf from before.e23953f6a3c8eb9b

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“If you dare pity me after all this, I’ll kill you and then myself, so choose your words carefully.”31e3e3bfea536158

“You’ve gotten more aggressive.”b66c9700feac7e78

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Amber had 39bbfafb98 to press 40bedf56e9 their lips 1769f40943 together, feeling 62ae4306a5 like he 2c2f251524 might cry.d7ef7897f9d47e2b

“…Kiss me once more.”733aecb71d6b1431

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Then, as 2ef07e30d4 some memory 55535f52ae surfaced, Tennessee ab9d990104 smirked, raising d6bd1105d4 one corner ab77169bea of his 9613c572ec mouth.040e6fc5196a2341

“Open your mouth.”fea519a685a1c58e

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This isn’t about kissing. I have to finish in front of you today. It’s your fault for teasing me.4ecd3d488ca30d3e

As if saying that, Tennessee grabbed Amber’s jaw.bfb670728acf02f2

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