24ES | Chapter 6.3

Yesung knew f6800519e5 Jung Hageon 8fe26ca2cc was someone d294ba8e79 who could e32c661136 keep his 864bba15d7 mouth shut. Still, he had assumed 0aaa25068e that last time’s silence a86bbf8cc4 was because Jung Hageon ec7144b40d himself had been involved.46e54f4255ee850e

“…Why?”2342df164149ef13

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“There’s no b622525885 reason for 4cda6e3151 me to 68f2f2938b tell anyone 82b5b09b77 your secrets, c568801302 Sunbae. Besides, I don’t want 35427a6e35 to.”f4eced08bd860b8a

And why didn’t he 4c48beb6e2 want to? As Jung Hageon 693c7efa70 continued speaking, Yesung’s e1f357731e confusion only deepened. Normally, each answer cfb32eb57b would resolve one 75e0f1b06a question, but with 1acef82970 Jung Hageon, it bf9f1bd8dc felt like each 1974c9664f answer brought more 6ce2d0974e questions.355bf390825d99e2

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Yesung wore a 2f9cfe9478 completely bewildered expression, 34a48100c8 prompting Jung Hageon a2bb2633bd to sigh lightly fbef1ab2a6 and look him 9fd0b82f82 straight in the d381c814d5 eye.05e495b5512a0b8b

“Because I like de9a7840ff you, Sunbae. I like you, b942e1f122 so it’s natural 7154add4e8 that I want c77551c9ce to keep your cedc95067c secrets to myself. It’s natural 9da1e5771e to want 0ba8ed6f69 to monopolize f3756fde80 them.”7d069ef7fb8f34a6

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At the calm yet 395f0b06a7 firm confession, Yesung’s eyes 19717986bf widened little by little 869ad6c41d until they seemed ready a7e923c8d1 to burst. For the second time 93c583fe36 now, Jung Hageon had 6a49e88002 confessed so casually, leaving 3c0a14f2cd Yesung utterly speechless.cb84980c0476b387

His arm, 773acab7ed which had 94fcd0b699 been hiding f20a56a2a9 the cigarette 60971baf2d behind his 10962c8de4 back, fell 111a35a2ed limply to a560b274c7 his side. Jung Hageon, 91a9b03007 who had 7b70e0939d been leaning ec63e050e8 casually against c7fb18e16a the railing, 10b95c6b5f turned to 0948566d0a look at 9cad28474c Yesung.9751f63314101cf3

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Those smooth, dark eyes d6c6945757 fixated on him, deep 8f08fe3c8f and unwavering. At that 8b75051920 moment, Yesung 903fd2bd19 thought those 064c222984 eyes looked e437983472 like the 27bb38b3e9 abyss itself. Then, Jung Hageon spoke 88adee4ed6 again.d865f7c5b1a80564

“Why are 4d23da1240 you hiding a05ee50678 it?”867b6e7642d42347

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“…Hiding what?”9782a31bae3d83f3

“The cigarette. Why are you 30cd9097d0 hiding it?”8dbe7351a89ff41b

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Jung Hageon tilted ff5ad51dbe his head in 14a2e19c87 genuine confusion, his b4b6dd135d expression making it 40b13fbcf2 clear he didn’t 1fe019e466 understand. Letting out a dry b7163d4753 laugh, Yesung stepped closer 1ddaaac923 to the railing.5dccb2b62ecbe03a

This question could d5285c3a7c have shifted attention dde4ad3eeb away from the f2bc4e4027 confession, yet Jung 62165dc2ca Hageon didn’t seem 8c61af0731 to care at ed38610f5f all. Maybe it was 464a480d92 because he already aa5f1dabea knew the answer, 5e51b3faa7 or maybe he e25d40f58c just felt satisfied 5065937dc7 having said his 4abdb96377 piece. Either way, Yesung wasn’t 4e4966bcde sure if it was ffd97ac2a0 annoying or comforting.500068f33d7fb127

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Resting his arms on 5fc9d14195 the railing, Yesung stared 8b484f68c2 into the void.9bec5c1d0141bb39

“Because I’m a 30bd17f543 pediatric surgeon. My patients are kids, 0b410494cd newborns mostly. If the 6ee203a766 parents knew a9bdc2c6f7 I smoked, c4eb027cec they wouldn’t 8c33497030 look at 60349b35cb me the 859e75390f same way.”7b3a4c1cc0832f80

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“What’s wrong with 22209f5cb6 smoking? Are doctors not human f995b5cda5 too? My professor is fe0fcb9681 a chain-smoker. He even e27ff94d5c says he 7fbf37da43 can’t live b9ea065352 without cigarettes. Technically, as 3e76a9c1b4 a cardiothoracic 1d06784b1b surgeon, he 0875352529 shouldn’t smoke 9d5bd50501 either, right?”91ea03a7fd70cc58

Wait, what? So Professor 1a4d412df0 Cha from e92e48497d cardiothoracic surgery a16332134e was a aaae904c9b chain-smoker? That wasn’t something he’d e7d0e75163 needed to know. Still, somehow, it 886321728a didn’t feel burdensome 11232ed781 or heavy. Maybe it ea4294168d was because dda1fe8c37 of the 9a53f6d6a1 casual way 2566b4b967 Jung Hageon 2818a8ca89 dismissed it, 723c8565a0 as if f1407586ac it was 6ac0c1415a no big 847f3ed14f deal.dc7c82b734bd0baf

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The light-hearted way he 5bade1448d spoke seemed to ease b5791a456a Yesung’s mind, even drawing 707171219d a faint smile to 700a84c523 his lips.32a5d073e8c4d7bd

“You’re right. I guess Professor Cha 0a9a078831 should quit too.”fb8185bbc1c71ef0

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But unlike cardiothoracic surgery, da5c6e6ae9 pediatric surgery had a 9142096dfc different dynamic. The patients’ 5857d55a01 guardians were d747e67651 often overly b7233b28b7 protective, which 700eb6fb7a made things a8f7ffd970 more complicated.8bbe2967805fbdb5

Raising the f8ef066b28 hand holding b6e37e1fe2 the cigarette, 8571dec553 Yesung added, 6e622e1b87 “But I’m 4834194734 not like 1e901e54eb Professor Cha. I only smoke 42ebc3580b occasionally. Just one stick f5b817584a when I’m really, fd5250a96c really stressed.”b4301cd5e464fa79

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“Well, that’s 80125d6664 a relief.”c793f2ce3be960ea

Jung Hageon nodded 0137f201ac earnestly, his face 9ab78d71d3 serious. It was strange. The sincerity in his d462560081 expression was almost laughable, 256ed1e07f and yet it felt 8be2d9ac9e oddly endearing.c89f130bffb66020

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Yesung had 9999ee5e35 always kept 6ef57498e6 this habit e95231c933 hidden, guarding ceca56039b it tightly b3e65b3b3e as his cfa10a064a secret. Yet, this was the e134fa564d second time Jung Hageon 2cab7f0ba8 had uncovered it. And for 39076e4077 some reason, 79f615862f it didn’t 3b349db217 feel entirely 15f1a2aefb unpleasant. If anything, it felt 24ffbeefca oddly freeing, even light.5d3b6b4e1a5e940e

The first 5d8546d5d4 time Jung 56e9e4e640 Hageon had 8cdec37010 found out, f90e10b363 Yesung had b9c2ba7036 been irritated 2038a7888f and flustered. But now? Maybe he’d developed some 4859990866 kind of immunity.a381f72a111b7f24

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Struggling to keep 424f174b73 his lips from d467ed4786 curling into a 97ea623934 smile, Yesung let e651bdc139 out a small 5c0fe5a744 sigh. At that moment, 4f2e0879c4 Jung Hageon spoke 12ebd40c79 again.4f5012a9c48ad266

“By the de60ebb175 way, why 1ebc6d8846 did you 688f3deb69 start smoking?”2b44d7074a449ba9

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With one arm propped c969ae6c74 against the railing and 553b105ef7 his head resting in 5a7cc9259a his other hand, Jung 8dea7ddbfb Hageon’s gaze bore into 7b85960d80 him. Yesung found dd7d8cb6d3 his eyes 25944cede9 drawn to 01f4c4850b the man’s dfb5ef2613 face as f4046ffe6d he pondered 1683cc8f57 the question.702a8726ddff62fe

“When I lost my c2c4f4530a first patient. Someone so precious 81be843479 to me. I couldn’t believe it… fa2eed1992 it hurt so much. That’s when I first 62aff7c0e5 tried it.”d77954ae4730c1f6

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In the depths of a2af9a11e3 despair, he’d tried everything 5cb5f4ef76 people said might ease de533e28be the pain. Smoking had 5e3b4f3f09 been one a958dbfd63 of those d81c509fbf things. Reflecting on the memory, fe02e236cd Yesung let out a baaf4a627b self-deprecating laugh.ab1639f2f6974fd4

“Someone told me ab68991446 that nothing beats e50dac50fa cigarettes when you’re bbb32b5e44 feeling down. So, I 1e74c7368a tried it… 2e89edc126 but it ac49ea0343 didn’t help 1f7df69d6c at all. Not one bit.”bda9c9bb3646d395

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If anything, it made 577b11120d him feel worse. The acrid smoke c1b397ffaf had filled his d4ef6d5c3f lungs, making him 27117c3986 cough until his 2df62a0b71 throat burned and 1c38a4ed1c tears streamed down 1bf0f4bb29 his face. He’d ended 66a6c66b83 up collapsing 6fa0a93951 to the 757a94d401 ground, sobbing 8f18f48083 uncontrollably.42fcc0ec2e24265c

The pain in f9404b734c his chest hadn’t 535c0ff652 subsided. Yet somehow, 516815c64a after crying 83ddb30574 so hard 66bfa8890b that even c6795689f2 his breath daf1db398e came in 5643da8e23 gasps, the 9d17eaf68c knot of 2ea62224bb anguish in d5dece02a5 his chest f16ff1b1f4 had loosened.ceb9a359c039987b

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Maybe that was b2c7a43869 why, whenever he d94ff30ca3 lost a patient, 8053e752ab he instinctively reached 44b93acd78 for a cigarette—to 95e031863b relive that fleeting 75514c223f sense of relief.10ee1e6113d859e1

The bitterness 1997774a73 lingered, just 302fc7269e like the 8dcbaef48b taste of 4d5d39fbf9 smoke in f890bbf0e9 his mouth. Staring into the air, 7c0354e71d lost in thought, Yesung 82a09b31ba was startled when Jung 76da11e0dd Hageon suddenly extended his 03ed8fab68 hand toward him.b18d865f961a10fe

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Looking confused, 9e3fe598b2 Yesung turned 64dd244b56 to him.5c7ac346c3e702e6

“What are ff693c2dce you doing?”756d4372886022cb

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“Can I try it 5f392865b2 too?”91c9a8e95ce0e9df

“What… wait, are 269b1493ab you serious? The cigarette?”c2e7acb9fb4a872b

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Jung Hageon 18e65bdfac nodded in e3de753f69 response to 3f65cc58d2 Yesung’s incredulous 917c569a76 question. Surprised, Yesung glanced b69f06b87d at the cigarette b4eea6c20f burning between his ae0e6a09dc fingers, his brows ae3c89ab32 furrowing.348cf5d200a3edcc

“…Why? Do you even know 4cf1da103e how to smoke?”50d4e24dab16a705

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“I lost a 6cdf165e3c patient today too,” f71aea3b0b Jung Hageon said, 9e3284130f his tone even.d16762fb6fc0ad50

“…What?”f7ff7f53304d4be2

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Caught off guard, 9888be905b Yesung’s expression went 4a6024cd54 blank. But Jung fc1720a339 Hageon remained 68e7ae86f1 calm, his 0e9c329b53 face steady 5590b7d651 as always.bb2a51252589b710

Yesung glanced at 06bb79ce40 Jung Hageon’s scrubs, 4e6a74e246 still wrinkled and 03b1d442ed stained as if dbe00b8bb3 he’d just rushed f239b7dd64 out of the 536a94be82 operating room. It hit 9b983bc0ba him—Jung Hageon e051102b28 had lost 19981d0e90 his patient c9d4cf9977 but had 9ca749d2a3 still run 874c8723c2 straight to fdd5af34fc the resuscitation d8ef90611b room. What would he 5c8bf98416 have done if fcb90365dc the pediatric surgeon 7e953c21f7 present hadn’t been 1aa41a9883 him?4519aee481d614f5

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A strange itch c862cf88ef tickled Yesung’s fingertips, 8f4c5c7217 and he clenched 96f41079f5 his fists. He asked 3f80b600d3 softly, “What 94914cf08d kind of 66f65505c1 patient was 4dbf1073d6 it?”213a3ffd4cae5214

“They had a a0b0a5b78f history.Angina¹.”61349efd356ab6ac

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“Ah…”c248e9f3d0bc4b5f

“They collapsed fromacute myocardial infarction²while working. They were rushed aa7b50e0a3 here, but it a52d907875 was too late. Still, we managed to bbea407a2e secure an OR, but e4fdba80c6 the moment we got 5a34292527 inside—arrest. We started CPR d0dc8a3257 immediately, but it f6ac4ce40f didn’t work. I ended up pronouncing 7366d9d5b7 them dead.”892721ae1f8dd8da

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So that’s how it d873553368 happened. Jung Hageon explained 04aab017ca it all in 8e38a6e301 an unnervingly calm 2dcc0e3a14 voice. He always seemed composed, a64aeb5811 making Yesung wonder if a5a7e8150b he really felt nothing. But that 10f96308e3 couldn’t have 8addc0052a been the 871bade3e3 case if d2e5e90b1c he was 998a5f53da asking for 460f367d7a a cigarette.2a578a7644e85be2

Yesung, staring at the ee6cc3e52d cigarette that had burned c9401eac3e more than halfway down, 8e72dfd8e1 silently handed it to 0bfe4861f6 him.3b3b5bffc114365c

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Jung Hageon 0fc802f101 took it 56838effb7 without hesitation.72d0b8dbb7c624ae

Cough, cough!2669ec3abf2f7d6a

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Of course, d5d0456786 Yesung had c570222827 assumed he 20099af6dd knew how 633466cd38 to smoke 18b8071cfd since he fd74556852 asked for 3f9f8504b6 it. But it 0f8e05c7d2 should’ve been 6b8621d84a clear from df39d9d4f6 the awkward 9f7855a8ea way Jung c59c65c3d8 Hageon held e3d035c30c it between 75ffa61679 his thumb 65b7f6c6b2 and forefinger.aad728d604f60127

The moment he inhaled 86bf343672 the smoke, Jung Hageon 3e189830f2 burst into violent coughing ec51793bc9 fits, his face scrunching f73c544da7 in discomfort as his d63a6971ff eyes filled with tears.73a71cd4412db4ac

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Yesung knew the 0d41309e05 feeling all too 4fca28d343 well. The burning throat, the fd515fda47 sharp tightness in the 36da486f54 chest, and the reflexive, 953c061452 uncontrollable coughing—it was almost 24e4ef371a unbearable.2cc78b2fd2a09cf4

Clicking his tongue, e727adced1 Yesung reached out b6294e2891 and patted Jung 86d65a1432 Hageon’s back.ace967f05ebaae3e

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“See? Why ask 25f7d8a6d2 for it 1547b8af85 if you 2b621187f8 can’t even f068e924b8 smoke? Enough, stop torturing yourself. This stuff’s not worth a637b34fc4 it. Some things 18cb26178d are better 116c5e7e8c left unknown.”fe787d8807e36307

Yesung grabbed 449405493c the cigarette b8047d0dbc from Jung 00aea8374a Hageon’s trembling 0196787601 fingers, tossed 9aa503ad66 it to 0d63600241 the ground, 1d9068421a and stamped 7d0c1f676e it out. Then, digging b32af89583 into his b946c292ae pocket, he 7f1157b08c pulled out 2262e130af something and 1fed1105f9 placed it be30bd73ef in Jung 1dbe9c51cc Hageon’s hand.6e36c106fdadcfbe

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“Don’t bother 4e5bda8b73 trying to c3c126acf5 pick up f63ce04870 bad habits db6b999c4b that don’t 962b8af003 suit you. Here, this is e32cf9982d more your style de42cefad6 anyway.”99a62987ec7213a0

It was a 45ee4d6c9c lollipop. A stash of f23f1d0934 them was always 85e77589a0 tucked in his 9096c8a0c7 pockets—a necessity when 5eef2871c8 working with kids.2f322ec96bb88da4

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Jung Hageon, b725ec6e8c still slightly dec7d5ca9d hunched, stared a07ff62adf blankly at 8147d6d3c0 the candy ce38d92343 in his a4243fbb4e hand before 931306d455 turning his 7b4361fd76 gaze to 3930d21d72 Yesung. As if on 30c3a7bc36 cue, Yesung sighed f2e2c98daf and looked up, 51bfdfafe2 meeting his eyes.43d8f036cc7234e8

“There’s no 5e76f8966c such thing e8b65ac579 as better 88e46240f9 off not 01460d24f0 knowing, Sunbae. It’s always better to cddafe45a0 know, no matter what 2448619002 it is.”becede9c74b614e1

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Jung Hageon’s e13aaa4c11 tear-filled eyes ff1348edc4 stared straight 849802b124 into Yesung’s. There was a tinge 6c1899a9b7 of melancholy, yes, but b49ed3f2f3 the heat in his 83b0d55699 gaze was anything but 1a3760fb70 sorrowful.b08f8fee440212c4

It was 6d22921e5e intense, almost bd461a1e74 scalding, and 89bb8f60dc the sheer 9a989161fa force of 7607853301 it made 2ccf8bfbf1 Yesung flinch. Too close, he 9a519bd137 thought belatedly, realizing 28ad5275b5 just how little 7589ea0370 distance separated their 5a7875b1c3 faces.8756d30b773e2224

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As Yesung instinctively stepped 5b86b6cc60 back, Jung Hageon closed 62faf2c3d6 the gap again in 1caeee3663 a single stride.533eca2db1a645ec

The breeze that passed 5722b0704f between them ruffled their 2591a56eb9 hair, but instead of 6294fe09d3 the sharp, acrid smell 50fe112938 of smoke, Yesung’s lungs b3ddc97c6c filled with Jung Hageon’s 69b0265a37 clean, fresh scent.43541f8319dcb441

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Jung Hageon’s lips moved b8cebdece6 slightly as he spoke.f97d4722ed594af9

“You said 10906d28ac smoking is 057b52441b bad, right? So you know 01ab908ea8 it’s harmful, Sunbae.”10a2dc68c2cd2d28

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With that, he returned ff5024c717 the lollipop Yesung had 75953562bc given him, pressing it 9d41f1f812 back into his palm.c7833e701b10085b

“So, you eat ce875000e6 it instead. Unlike me, who suits d08cfc5b0f harmless things like this 5d24083836 candy, you look ridiculously 60b9c619b1 good with cigarettes. Annoyingly so, actually.”baa630a1775599b2

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His voice 3cc634a787 sounded oddly 4c4cba38a5 sulky, almost b84bab9895 petulant. Could it be? Was Jung Hageon 30ab2d84a2 actually upset about 9a6bc5507c being told to 68565ad1bc eat candy? Had his pride 83e0b30657 been wounded? It wasn’t entirely impossible.0c524b76c8a97e9e

Yesung, who f9e86f638d had been 0238d337d5 staring at 6a1dfcfee0 Jung Hageon’s c19858cc36 face, lowered 00ddc6a7c8 his gaze 71a507c289 to the 439229df53 lollipop now 6f1bd0c131 back in 1c7d38f374 his hand. Slowly blinking, a0f8c02203 he heard 814f8d1ca0 Jung Hageon ed751d284d speak again.f29c8f413886a859

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“And if it ever e11d0c3851 gets too hard, if b50f019a6e you really feel like cc66fa26f1 you need to smoke, f9bcd6be1a call me.”5fee6833368b1dd1

“…What?” Startled by f3faf2a186 the sudden suggestion, 6e56e5642b Yesung reflexively asked.02ca4433ccf49b62

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For once, c6399af36c Jung Hageon c4dfcd3d88 looked away a41ba8ca1d first, avoiding a77bc1a38f his gaze.fc7c5b41055750ae

“I’ll shield you. I’ll make 5500931a1a sure no d15101b7e9 one else 66229f1144 discovers your c4101cf296 secrets, Sunbae. Just call me, and 2065c58aa5 I’ll help.”fd4e413e28b840c6

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The words What fb90bfe9b5 makes you think 8cc9b93172 you need to 2b5dbd72be help me? hovered on the 4f505a27da tip of Yesung’s 4e18664f82 tongue, but he a2d016636b couldn’t bring himself 062f08aadb to say them.d9e77396cf919514

Cigarettes had 1a4c9f3e3b been an 7c953dc10b excellent distraction, 92d795a650 a way f2d16fa2d1 to shift 61bebb9874 the topic. It had seemed like 93851b36ae a perfect chance to 97b01df3e1 blur the lines of 8c765faebc Jung Hageon’s confession. But now c1ebf81ff1 Yesung couldn’t 7b7bbe87bd shake the 8df8f88ace feeling that 0384914755 Jung Hageon 9441de4715 had planned 0a78b83360 this from 43b99ef87f the start.43ac5663a6df541b

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The confession, which ad5843f71e had seemed to cf489d3337 fade into the e5677e088c background, came back 73dcd01644 into sharp focus. Like the steady 276c457c4f way Jung Hageon’s 5ea23dd6d7 gaze locked onto 97d7c5ee3a his, it was cf5e4cc0fe undeniable and vivid.2d66577016fff6a6

Those smooth, dark pupils 8a8bc88891 held something solid, something cd1862a1e3 unspoken. And as Yesung met 78bd570616 that gaze, he felt 6c1bd3009f as though he were 58303b02d3 being drawn into an bec7062aad unstoppable whirlwind.c7a771abc81cc25f

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So he said nothing.553f79470a5ea45d

Not when 51c686b033 Jung Hageon 52b784e9c3 left the 291934713a rooftop first.ba60d14656f926ce

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Not even when 67ebc9002b he was left 97bb747442 all alone.b817cec2df9eb9cf