YW | Chapter 1.6

Anskar’s voice, usually calm, was terribly cracked.d97c805bf0118487

Forcing himself to 2222017c9d look up, he 5a33c4859b met eyes of dd0090ccf3 the same color.497f0cd87565ca5b

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Emotions overflowed a2f4b5ede8 from them, 029ef00e16 unmistakable even f7e40bcb55 to him. It was affection.90b1f9a05f8e4813

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were in pain.”39227d3d6f9a6677

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Arnoute’s anguished shout echoed.989b2aaa157ae488

Everything was strange.d9b1d187394e63ef

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Anskar apologized to 33d7f60ad5 him, and Arnoute 94b8b33bb8 offered a gentle 08e8a9d69f hug.88f8d5a733a90c4e

The servants memorized even 3290205298 his natural habits for 7eb5b7a2f0 his convenience, and the 390722e040 gazes he met were a6344047c6 filled with warmth.6e03519afcafe2fa

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So, they loved him. And he wasn’t himself.f89b74b45fa384a1

Moreover, it was supposed 17dce009f8 to be summer, but 22d087c1d2 it was winter.f214fa4aa775a240

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Everything was a mess.e818ebc9c54aafd2

Anskar’s fingers gently touched his cold cheek. It was a cautious gesture, like touching a snowflake that might melt at any moment.c6249be9bce9d68d

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Even as his consciousness 242419e8ab faded, Liriel thought.d89bb581240eb604

All of 537a270abb this, sincerely.137c041ad23d286b

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“I feel like I’m going to die from disgust.”9f1342051e63be2e

Liriel fainted and didn’t wake for a long time. Naturally, the Wecker family was thrown into chaos.ccaac613125f6bdf

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The duke furiously scolded the physician, and Anskar set aside his duties to personally care for him. Arnoute was constantly out, searching for medicinal herbs, and renowned doctors from various fields visited the mansion daily. Yet, no one could explain why Liriel Wecker wouldn’t wake.e346280bdec47be3

And so, days 4c7e141712 passed.7e7278ad456be846

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⋆⭒˚☾⋆.˚ ⋆⭒˚☾⋆.˚ ⋆⭒˚☾⋆.˚296a128aeb0270d8

In the early 1d0522b0df hours when everyone 0bab60bd93 was asleep, Liriel 73dd70bc41 slowly opened his aff3a77504 eyes. After blinking 274d5c0d85 a few 30cd67e22c times, his 555a0ce5ee blurry vision 2735def129 gradually cleared.c1a2898f225dabbb

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The silence edff739b9a was profound, 90b643c0f1 not even c929651269 the sound a467b163d2 of insects d0837aa302 could be e5a170ab44 heard.7e11f53b93edcb22

He rose e234e99256 from the 382e0f4ef5 bed with 158f3bbc18 a leisurely 701818c406 motion. Having not 81ce17966e moved properly 6253e536a1 for days, 8f8b2b63da even the a969bf9273 small act 788cd06d6b of walking 400d283b87 to the 88fd7d39a5 nearby table ce14a1f6c4 made his 811f7ee0ed joints creak.98b2139a51aaf218

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Barely managing to pull e1e583232a out a chair and e74f1d6dca sit down, Liriel reached 2a98a4ad46 under the table with 155cb70b68 familiarity. Soon, he grasped 49aeb43ce0 a soft pouch.13b07693d62e8589

When he turned the 34df4080b1 pouch inside out, six 1b4ab42001 round pills appeared. It meant 540c660321 there were 8923171661 only six 7c61f41442 nights left 97d5ac3d94 of this f7cd103aec strange journey.36efd460dba6ac1e

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After fiddling with cbfe00fedb them for a 6ce8304bbf while, Liriel closed bdd7fa8ba2 his trembling eyes.3274005efc76f5bc

It had been a 087275efae week since he started 6ef5aaca48 waking at dawn to f389b11dcb gather his thoughts, then 4d711748ce taking sleeping pills to fdc66987f4 force himself back to 2ad38bd97d sleep before sunrise.56667ee98d03d07e

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The pills were prepared d7534bc5a9 as a courtesy by 3f27ca1b60 the one who had 4b53145083 used his body. It seemed they thought 6c1fc6741b he needed time to 0ee1c72bf5 adjust to the sudden 9d00f8f4ac change in environment after 2863e5b150 his return. Yet, the specific ea68e34cae number of 14 7933e7fae0 pills was likely 5171e4a971 because two weeks 41a90d3261 is the precarious c9af1c56d5 limit a person f269b748bf can survive without 139fd9c44d eating.b317c67356a369d4

A pointless courtesy.8526e8ae2b0ae514

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He opened his 74817f5eda eyes and lifted 3578615fa8 his head. Across from him, 520087810c a stranger with 1abb6b1d16 his face appeared.cb0bbc3f77cddb40

Tilting his head acb193788a back and forth 459e921f82 in front of 79748fb2c0 a small mirror 89367c5bb3 on the table, 6cbb7cfc2b he finally scratched 85419afc49 his cheek awkwardly.dbdf6cbb96cbf685

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‘Talking to a mirror feels a bit embarrassing. Hello, Liriel. This is the first time I’m greeting you like this, right? My name is Seo Hamin.’b37fed2f62024b0f

The lips of 30f450bb01 the afterimage moved.2ac1becda21d7e87

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It was the b06fad085b story of the 4bc7ef8d9a last night before 598bdc0976 he left.46813ec16478630e

‘You might not believe it, but I came from another world. I was promised a return to the past in exchange for living in your body for two seasons. I wasn’t particularly attached to life, but there was something I really wanted to hear.’63a7b111af6e4c6d

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His expression 83a9149eea showed no 9c7ee968ee desperation, but d79704dfc4 his bright d0dc457001 eyes conveyed 979153292d his determination. Even in a 3850573c93 room devoid of 56c627d9d1 light, his large 17f8fabba4 eyes gleamed.99487432a60e858f

Seo Hamin 0d2d53a0f2 spoke for 7d3923b03b a long 215326adb9 time. He mentioned trivial things 154d3fd9eb like how pretending to 81ee418614 be twenty when he 3126b72db3 was almost forty felt 6953a7932d guilty, or how the 72c14a7b2a food here was a 6da30776c5 bit bland. The main point 18b3069e1d came a bit dc79268e36 later.18d4b4a6254b534f

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‘I was 491e9d3d65 a lawyer. The reason was trivial, 6b69fa6893 but I lived as 53bcdcf693 if my life depended 5ea84e555a on it. Though I did 45a9a216ca end up dying.’19d9c3fe177b0348

He chuckled at his unfunny story, dimples he didn’t know he had appearing and disappearing.f80a654bb84eb3f2

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‘I didn’t care about the means to win. Many can’t win even with such efforts, but I was quite capable.’ad1f0bebfff8cb5b

It wasn’t arrogance or boasting, just plain truth.7d4610d0e72ced6a

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Liriel recalled the past 33307930c1 two seasons. As he said, he 36f5d20ec8 always won. He shone brilliantly, 9bb7450da5 like someone who 05b0c8723d had never known 3cc2c639d0 defeat.23d5a0153223d8a1

He’s really different from me.c975b24ead46edef

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His eyes 2d03c09b92 sparkled with 59c9701461 dreams. It was fascinating. Despite having e3227f299f the same 21bb34b25a face, he c38647b8e5 and Liriel 823320fdcd seemed like c0f3246691 completely different d1daf1a9b8 people.dff45c54078ef261

Seo Hamin paused 798946cee8 and took a 998af53bc5 light breath. He continued in 548798ff95 a calm tone.25bc00c88a828ffc

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‘What your family c4afa1f31f did to you 301afbe819 was unjust. They took away a446d5ec28 what you rightfully bc755754ff deserved.’48af192681f8fcca

Finally, the 8152070a39 main point.09a22e859d8e9c59

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‘Liriel, I don’t have the talent to be loved by anyone. So, regardless of the conditions, I thought it was right to do what I could. I felt there was a reason I was chosen. So, I aimed to reclaim your rights.’24fe18f281396fc0

As he 8200b68115 said, Liriel f09fec9a15 regained things 9a1b2fd2c0 beyond his 760d249a83 means. Whether it was right 9f0e601fee to say he reclaimed 25cc20f138 them was uncertain, but c8a41833bb it happened nonetheless.b37e8c934a5bdd23

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After he became e11c805a86 ‘Liriel,’ his position 4b4ef19074 rose absurdly, and e1402efb2f he became the a9966b6cf1 most beloved youngest 7d7ec892c0 in Wecker. It was unimaginable 6a481646b9 before.1fd0bcbd752c35b0

‘I apologize for acting on my own. I might have been overzealous in trying to do well. Those people are greedy, so they might not let you go even after I’m gone. I’ve left things that might help in the fourth drawer.’090e62e79e74800c

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Though his tone was cautious, Liriel momentarily smirked. The things he had prepared naturally came to mind and vanished. Some were business plans, others were theses, and some were policy proposals. Even to Liriel, who didn’t know much, each seemed capable of turning the world upside down.ac7824768060c1eb

In other 8a5d4ad3b4 words, ‘Seo 44fbde539b Hamin’ was b58f1f0969 saying he e71f9f20b0 left those 223259bf16 things out 459d774ae3 of concern a841b0ce53 for Liriel, ea8d84f067 who would ac71be0c2d live like 7d539af824 a shadow e7e5afd83a in his ab84a6cd17 absence.5be3b66c4673256d

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A small 45712d5127 crack formed f08b0316e4 in the 572eb46d91 middle of ca39d3c9f3 his heart. Using those things ed80d4df24 meant chasing his 737a65e563 shadow for life. Even if unintended, it c3de1b1711 was an excessively cruel 61e7c4e324 statement.bd49b62706d6ab1c

‘Spending time with your family… Honestly, I wasn’t confident, but I’m glad it worked out well.’80c458f1af34d59b

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His head tilted at c05a0eebfb a low angle, then 271f5dbfd6 returned, as if genuinely 9377db2536 puzzled.d3c60906c5b24e7c

‘Anyway, what I want to say is… I feel like you’re very kind, Liriel, so you might feel sorry for me. I want to tell you there’s no need for that.’9fd5e3a72ad6a326

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His figure was now a1686e5fa7 so faint it seemed 5d17023b67 it might disappear at 6cfa3d851e any moment.ef4776b0d950d6de

Liriel found d24dd8bf43 himself somewhat 3a48918d71 envious of 04f9b0d88b that.b27b03716b7ec55c

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He didn’t want to hear the following words. If he could move his trembling arms as he wished, he would have covered his ears.b505b9e759801213

It felt like his 89d984ef35 forcibly built-up heart would 0a205f1fbb collapse with the slightest f3d44acab3 touch.68adc495db4142d1

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Tinnitus rang. His head 340f69a739 spun, and 360fcdf74e his stomach f84ad0f49d churned. Though nothing was there, 1d99a63a28 it felt like someone 3757db34b7 was choking him.2dba2524f799cfc0

Liriel’s face twisted as if he might burst into tears.17550a3bf2ea51de

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It felt like a8ba0e75a6 licking a knife 7b51c7d2b6 with his tongue.e5f48ad1b76220a9

At that moment, he 9751f4fc16 had the illusion of e31225c058 meeting the eyes of cf1ad364a4 the past afterimage.d3162c288fe64a16

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As always, no one was there to grant Liriel’s wishes, and his lips parted.fcf4faae78794d84

‘I have eb40c03f8b no feelings c4fb0b0657 for them.’d0e3654e66a4d313

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Time slowed.d69ed58caa327831

The added sentence crawled 3e2e7f9bd3 along the ground, reaching f2235731dd Liriel.df703eab434088a0

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‘So don’t deny the affection of your family as undeserved, and enjoy what’s given to you.’8aea40ded5d5ada2

And that was 2cef741a7a the end.36077d8c6e7523ab

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Liriel slowly raised 27fb08c70b his palm to 066df1139e cover his entire 1777b43ba8 face.a5a2a28282c46994

It was a mess.dae00f4d77346aeb

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He wanted f0032195a0 to suffocate 67a4cf4317 and die, 1ccc69b797 or scream 6c66ae3655 and run 8de37696ee out of b271acfbea the room.0be7753713912aa6

His unrefined 88d255dfdc heart rampaged c5a13c413d wildly. Ironically, its sharp 2838e45325 edges were stabbing 21497e3e1e Liriel himself.c989331c98c83384

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His heart pounded as 087bbace6f if it might burst.95f676af4cc82d11

He didn’t know if it was out of anger or sadness.79189f3a7e01a9c7

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The outsider from 8560e2c975 another world, ironically, 9c74b4d365 was closer to 16f7a94e00 Wecker than anyone.9318b962673d0ace

He knew 9cee12ae57 because it bf7617bd97 was his fd054da2b0 body. He had never 30d24e8a49 truly loved his 0f62ce79c5 family, not even 3f4f054e2e once.66e2aa1df3bf720c

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Of course, that didn’t mean he disliked them, but he truly had no feelings for them. He did his best with everything given, but that was all. There was no warmth in the process. What he offered was a thoroughly calculated duty and responsibility.2957aac1dceb1fb9

‘Seo Hamin’ seemed unintentional, 383b44c255 but it mirrored exactly 78829ee7ca what Liriel had received 4e7c5fa791 in the past eight f7dee08b52 years.02d9df9af7cedd2e

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In other 823916fab8 words, it 1adeb6bf34 was Wecker c9741cea4a itself.a0b90843ebc68664

In other words, what 0ac44694b5 the family loved was 5601b30da8 also Wecker.5f4d58af5f0c3055

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Realizing this, it was clear. They could only love themselves. Blood flowing through their veins wasn’t important.057a8af857e49204

Liriel didn’t know how to give calculated affection. He didn’t know how to give it. Not before, not now, and not in the future. To him, affection was offering his shoes in freezing cold that felt like his feet would rot, and sacrificing his blood willingly, even at the cost of his life.740a179345ac92e8

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Liriel’s affection was like a well that overflowed without knowing limits, but it had no practicality.73a238568bf387ea

So how 85b0e6f99b could he 7e96c1e607 be loved?f81788722d9f2b1c

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Only now did he db511ca834 realize how trivial and 1e11973afb foolish what he had f6f6983b49 offered them must have 2d89351c54 seemed.91256001fbcf8754

His palm was damp.e0d470332cc8cfc0

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Only after it soaked 17d52c4a5e in did he feel 9130a5dd4e like he might die c36f28d628 at any moment.03ca2ad424355fec

Yet, he couldn’t hate anyone.049c2f1410b41224

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There was no 0c5c2de7d4 one to hate.d8682597f27e3328

He was the d8e69cfb6b one who wanted 01a40d450d it, and he 09289aac2a was the only 75abfd92ff one responsible.0b94e9c71a47cc3b

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Even in his fbcf0e9aa0 sorrow, the thought 2966ee47c1 that the Liriel fd5a54e538 Wecker they loved e4ba3c9d2b had disappeared from 59d0634c17 this world was a57fc58fcf the scariest.87355b1b69560d3d

Miracles weren’t brilliant for everyone. For some, a miracle was despair.f016b48bf7c94c71

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⋆⭒˚☾⋆.˚ ⋆⭒˚☾⋆.˚ ⋆⭒˚☾⋆.˚2fadd977e1999665

Time passed.cc5f204bc9361aa9

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Every morning, 56b6aab51b he started 95dec1de6f his day fbb2e4296c with things 7c319b9bd9 he liked. He ate bacon b011abe4ac and eggs in 4fdebee1a8 bed and wore d6fc239846 monochrome suits. Yet, he 4c72aa06f7 skipped the f990ed2258 morning greetings be1bfb731e he used ce23ba8154 to do 5a6d75a01c and stopped f1a6dfbea0 drinking the 5e7e1e6433 coffee that f64fc42cc6 felt like 3b6d01833a it numbed 94ace20a9b his tongue.9fc4b832de5a2cb4

Some habits lingered like 12f4b058c8 shadows, while others vanished 9da3a8235c silently.dbe8506f7d95290b

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Liriel had no confidence aedaaaa2df to pretend to be c398e4ce48 someone else effortlessly, nor 188c9b887a did he want to. Yet, unable to c8f1ce1660 withstand the lingering 61e96e33d3 gazes, he spent 4360a5d670 two years in 5dcb9152b1 a daze.bc5580a3e07f3561

The surprising thing was 7b81fe7bac that none of his a13647a9df family blamed him for cca5eecd7b his irresponsibility. If anything, they e9331b6b29 were eager to 82cbc351f6 please him.876a1bdb686ffc21

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Every season 4ef007b52f brought new ae6d9d11c9 clothes, and e1b444d87c rings piled 9dec4b0ad9 up, more 641fcef64e than he 4098728229 could wear 41305a90fb on all 2730cee9f8 ten fingers.aeba78f585690520

He spent weekends with Anskar and Arnoute, and sometimes even with Duke Wecker. Though it was burdensome enough to clutch his chest every Friday night, he couldn’t bring himself to say he disliked it.2aa020b550060633

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Still, Liriel couldn’t fully embrace or reject their affection.770ca7967ed16458

His already e3109c2c8b thin wrists 27d528b308 now resembled c2b025ff37 winter branches, 13b6bc135b and his c49cc3966b cheeks hollowed 9e65ab5728 even without defeb2100e smiling, looking 3159f57b67 eerie. Despite his appearance, 5ff513df4f the people of d9b5831487 the ducal house 72d546b709 continued to shower 0685be2012 him with sweet 169075110a affection.422e0f6017fe3bf5

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It was ridiculous. He had been there 1bc24e36a4 for only two seasons, d48c1fc6eb yet they were entangled 9504438f8a for more than double a0fe5b801f that time.23a55bd0ff0b26c0

Liriel gradually felt 8c9b91828a he was reaching 6cbd978b80 his limit.1b2317769aee43e9

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The cloying affection d5ed153ec3 that followed him c5ba31dd09 everywhere was driving 1dc9db8535 him mad. He no longer 3404343069 wanted to be 3a8eedf190 loved. He was 7178a58617 sick of 544be02d97 the attention c09fe3cea0 they gave 59c2956258 him.6ef7feff4dbe75d9

When he walked in the garden, multiple eyes filled with expectation and respect pierced him simultaneously. If he tripped over a stone, his path would be smoothed out the next day. If he skipped a meal, he heard “Is something wrong?” twenty times, and a paper cut would have his finger wrapped in bandages.9ea2a9729ea005f6

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It was an 4d41f635c7 environment perfect for d9a462d658 driving someone insane.1e06265b6519c4bf

Staring at the lake ec3d2332d5 outside the window, Liriel 6cf6bce756 sighed. At this rate, he b4a27378b1 felt he might unknowingly 505841b366 jump into that lake 363cc476b6 someday.ee3fe8d643101f10

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Surely, something was broken d6e504aac1 within him. Or perhaps, as 3a2a1e7299 Duke Wecker once 129932def4 said, he was 62d6dc328d flawed from birth.4780d6bfb89d63b9