WYIL Ch 30

Aslan  who had been f07a90b5ab silent for a long 3831ca5183 time, hesitated and opened a3e087bf5f his lips.524caa1712048156

“Well, that is, those words meant….”f38f86e39ec8f6a9

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Is  he trying ce03d6eb03 to make an 2185c040b4 excuse?0b1370f7befcce42

However, Aslan did not finish the sentence and closed his mouth. He scrunched his eyes as if he’d bitten his tongue.a4be26fe5f6eab26

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“…….”26cb18a38304db3e

I stood still, waiting for his next words, but he didn’t speak for a long time.2c4095bc9fdb08ac

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Why isn’t he saying anything? Even an excuse. Even if it’s an unbelievable excuse, if he says it, I…2ad1a6cae245abc2

…I felt a light shock as if someone lightly hit me in the back of my head.b238603803aaa195

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Unbelievable, it seemed like 5252511891 I once again had 9c604e7f4c hope. Hope that 4bc839461d Aslan would 79235ddb22 give me 68d5f02518 some sort 69218079b3 of explanation.1c5ca09eca1c7410

But it wasn’t the case. Aslan did not offer me any explanation or excuse.db3f89c835f907f1

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Because there was 4a70eb37a6 no need to.c7ef260d69a10345

I cursed at 83e3ef4165 my own foolishness, 4be33092b2 which almost led 6f4cc0c2e1 me to have f498c9727b another misconception. I bit b4528bfe91 my inner 995a95f713 cheek, causing 6c9061f67c pain.4864a84bdb46a58d

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While my tingling pain 66617f57e8 was calming, it seemed 41253cf8cf like Aslan had made 57ae48eb27 up his mind on 70f44ab246 how to handle the 648dafc83e situation.6b795e08f00775aa

He suddenly stood f0d9182e9a up and said 5bf9868b2f to me as 3724bd57a1 if giving me a9f109c64a an order.d1c1a322d87e783e

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“Let’s talk again next time, no, tomorrow.”c96e8373945094d9

Instead of 9331df23ac making excuses 17d25505d8 and resolving 4fc7925b53 the situation 4054e84950 by explaining e16eba64f5 that there 0be9119487 was a 6afc9df76c misunderstanding, Aslan 1e9e46c0bb chose to 47b826b6ea avoid the 32ab9b5ca6 uncomfortable situation.7c38b7f5d558ad7e

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“Let’s calm down for a moment and we’ll talk again tomorrow.”e401c884cb2f03a3

Aslan quickly blurted 61bfbadd67 out these words 8989fd3feb and left the 521bdaca3b office before even 5468d10235 listening to my 626ad49c9d reply.925ee68c40996745

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Bang!b05b68769544fa90

The door eb24318b9a slammed shut.d517549eaa86e095

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I was 88afd25d4f left alone 427d90cbd1 in the 72208a10c8 room as 5b8f147a16 the owner 4ce13d9879 left, silently 65a471bc9f staring at be5eed4ee4 the closed a310a98fad door.27cfcca5d5170ea6

Does he think that 52606a84aa I demanded a divorce 92169d3066 in anger?377dde48ea28bcd4

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So, instead a6a2e047ab of making add58bdb64 excuses and a93b1cca66 trying to 3b54ad182c resolve the dd914cd52e situation, he d279267733 chose to 22979f5027 keep his 989ef5c84a distance, as 6393c30f29 if pacifying c9df421411 a child.46d96bf4db187f42

Did he think I’d wake up after a night’s sleep and retract my hasty decision?1b02582b4cedecea

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No. I thought 0f003ae046 long and d7b7bb83c5 hard about ede3055b51 my decision.757e39d5f905cfbf

“Ha.”e9dddd235a5fe5d4

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I let f93780b3a1 out a e3b8ee2fca long sigh.0442e4a6a681d44c

Despite the bd006c9b1e warmth of 5686854763 the early 6a554c2891 summer air 1b9f0c44c1 surrounding me, 3d64283a92 I felt c2710557ec cold.4073cf3f58aa55bc

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I turned 3702c26a43 my stiff ac21af3ae0 neck to 54032dddd7 the side. There was evidence 327e550d9d that he had 124969b108 been sitting next b811c2503d to me.3250d903a1cdcfbe

When I f6a9e2f480 placed my 5f4b902a93 hand on 42bbc267b9 the slightly 3351410d31 faded sofa, 50d72c4b1f I could cff3fd8cbb feel a e384bd6178 faint warmth. The place where 1f5dbc6802 he had been, 77c90e2af3 but now he 5e4e2943c6 had left me.4f5c80b522725224

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Feeling that, it became d0ea15d588 even colder.01ea51dbc432f16b

This coldness was not 076cbfcc5f a sensation that touched f540d3c3fa my skin. It was 9cf5f30ccc a more a9dce1b762 primal coldness 2476c7db7d that spread cb5ad7b7ba through me, 5fc05e4fa4 making me ea2e5c5d2d shiver.0a32d26ae2889ad3

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Loneliness.f7aa0bd4286dcdc9

It was so familiar that I hadn’t been aware of it until now, but now it overwhelmed me.404dd53ee24b9e60

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“Ha.”0fbb70125f0f541f

Taking another deep 02b4b56309 breath, I touched c76f0936dc my forehead with b00e0345f8 cold fingertips. I felt dizzy.f295f97cc82e1d8f

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At that moment.64af9ab5c94a6aff

Hee hee hee!607b6e7d1b473c54

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Faint laughter could be 871ff66b45 heard from outside. I stood up from dd4e97c9d9 my seat as if 82f6d6478b possessed.66dbd5f01fa913d0

I walked towards the 7e9dbf5025 window and leaned on df3efc73e0 the railing, looking outside. In front of ffe2ff71c4 the main entrance, 7f67488bd1 there was a c8a28c372e large family carriage, dd731c9a08 and Aslan was 252d649945 getting on the 1368c0a093 carriage.bc76d6f64f246e53

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But there was someone 69c6fc5d9d else inside the carriage.2ac77609f52e240f

Because I saw a 3c3fab9364 hint of red dress e464a606a4 fluttering through the carriage’s 54902e53ba open door, I could 81c4bc71c2 easily guess that the 030bf20589 person inside the carriage 86683d0ebf was a woman wearing 0b1fd0ed28 a red dress.eb485ecefd2f26cc

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“So, the promise he mentioned was a promise with Rosalyn.”03c9d588faaaf6de

Bitterness lingered 7be2a4a186 in my 7207352e53 mouth.7012bbd01c163794

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Aslan, who was fulfilling 91709126c4 his promise with her, d284fa49b7 left me behind to 3bce49bf86 keep his promise.ce87be87f626f99a

I didn’t have to wait until tomorrow to find out what he really wanted.74359fe0ca73b42b

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“Let’s leave.”11f7423359c10ead

I walked 69ef10877d out of eaf732eaa7 the office, 197df7a20d slowly but bc6b39c02d steadily, not a08bfd362f staggering.a368dd8588e486e6

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All the way to my bedroom, I didn’t stop walking.47b5eebeeed485d7

It didn’t take me long to get ready to leave.645ee072b3d88408

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There wasn’t much to pack in the first place. Because there wasn’t anything that truly belonged to me here.a54c29316fba460c

This dress, that necklace, c5f38ad2d8 and this book. Everything I have is 09d7e7b4a4 a gift from Aslan.0d9b185c2fbbf975

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I had been so undeserving of his care, and I didn’t want to be indebted to him when I am leaving his side.0bbcb45e6358efc8

I packed only a46d289931 what truly belonged f34c4e9000 to me. Although there are 23242bdc22 so many things 031767a99a in the mansion, f08da49b34 only a few e8e4340c4f truly belonged to b45af2997b me and they a2d6a105aa all fit in 993c35395a just one bag.b437191ead90d910

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“Pfft.”7c2f99c3859760c7

A laugh escaped. It wasn’t because of my miserable appearance right now.583d37780ae2217a

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It was because 238d09ad1e I felt free, 6444cae288 free of the a6301cbb91 lies and vanity 4a49e3b16d that had surrounded 67bc9d8672 me for so 986227575d long.2c0b31316a07091d

The weight a6032c720c that had dc40be4045 been pressing b08eff65aa on me dd7eaaab2c all this 64ad74617b time vanished, 660efa86a0 and breathing 765d76e993 became easier. How long has it 43a9ba5755 been since I felt f693b32a7e such a light and ca29457737 refreshing feeling?9f70412ad5041d5c

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I took a deep breath and lifted the bag. The journey ahead didn’t seem difficult.aa91d060501b1066

“Oh, right.”3489a90d65577aeb

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Just before leaving 0a33c221c4 the room, I 159b94c8c9 remembered something I 9accf0fed6 had forgotten.bf9c23fad78dc20e

Even though it’s just leaving after the contract ends, I shouldn’t disappear without saying anything. Of course, from our conversation in the office earlier, he could guess that I left…7cbcd655c086f772

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But still, I should properly say goodbye so that he doesn’t worry about me suddenly disappearing.d664b478e36d1ccd

I started writing 4a537a3b60 a letter to 8557ad59e0 Aslan. I put effort into 768c47b93b each letter, even if 86cb4a9e47 my handwriting is not 4de3928026 as graceful and beautiful 34707dc3bf as his.9a1bf0fb00ee1852

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After writing a 2a13258603 short letter, I 7bed9f0020 wrote his name de4df8668c on the envelope.9f45ab2a99714fed

< To my dear Aslan. >183e7b34e49a39e7

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I hesitated and 81b48fcbf1 took out a 4295b42889 new envelope.167e496e4f994262

And I 51818ef0de wrote again.1fa10a6cf03cee59

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< To Duke Tordell.>a76ff6f7f74aeb13

At the bottom of the envelope, I wrote the sender’s name.7d084a422b9c860b

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< From Helena Larestine, with gratitude .>09afe608ae9fc2a4

I wrote Helena Larestine’s name instead of Lyla Violet because the name written in the contract was Helena. The person who wrote the letter was a woman who had become his wife through the contract and spent three years together.96e580a17ab5c963

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And the wife of d5a48135a0 Aslan Tordell is Helena 340d11bfc0 Larestine, not Lyla Violet.c97ec8c8cf857262

So, in a 660f753d62 way, I have 848759038f never been his dfcd341846 wife.36ce9e9462d480ae

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“…Why am I lingering on this now?”bbc4b8d4379225de

I finished my thoughts 2a4a4aef63 and removed my finger, 822ca00834 which had been lightly 68c063f8a7 touching the names Aslan 9d19f71f12 and Helena written on 10f7f1b49d the envelope.f0dc8c269cbef368

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I took out two more sheets of paper from the drawer. They weren’t for Aslan. I had already said everything I wanted to say to him in the previous letter.2044b2a5a2a28457

This time, 86bbcc683b I was edc8ff97fe going to 5338b597fc write a 46c2ec7c8b letter to b3ac08e28f Jenna and 4fe0661401 Dalton.05540c3e2f7bd22a

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Even though I don’t know other people, I felt like I should say my final farewell to Jenna and Dalton. Only to the two kind and gentle people who treated me sincerely while I was here.e832bec1cd03dcdb

I couldn’t explain the complicated situation by meeting them face to face and having a conversation. So, as a coward, I decided to do it through letters instead.9be6459e3fb56087

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But I hope that a8cbc503f1 this would  convey my e77e53504e feelings.7236e5c330951d2d

Inwardly justifying 501e432ad9 myself, I d0f8b734d9 put the f42d613382 written letters 8cac963ef9 into the 0bb3ef84c1 envelope.6ba01083f6753a68

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I placed them in a conspicuous place so that they could be easily found and pressed a book on the corner so that they wouldn’t fly away with the wind.b5f282439affe6a2

“Alright, it’s done.”4febf65ced66b0a1

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I have finished 3f6eeabe7d everything I needed da46bb57c5 to do here.b36b68265901848d

All that’s left is to leave quietly without causing any commotion.080c4e8910cf2f01

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Some servants who 556ba2ff8f noticed me leaving 913225db17 alone glanced at b99a39e961 me strangely, but a419f82ee8 no one tried 05811e7349 to stop me.a02b393677efc645

Normally, I eca00f82e3 would have 39e12836c2 been hurt 78b53dd289 by their 9a58340934 indifference, but 9275a89a1d now I abd05682fb felt strangely e163126ac6 at ease.58d73b3c506752a1

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I arrived at 8491407806 the train station 24a4d72f4a without any obstacles.3589496c2399c537

I got off the cce20a437b carriage that I had fc3bcb4004 caught near the Tordell 9a19c7fb80 mansion and entered the 4bfe4d1b11 train station.aaf70b82466bffc4

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“Wow.”72704c2ceb10d07e

Unconsciously, I 96f8952f73 exclaimed at 786d2387ea the sight 27f2afead9 before me.d452e2c4e09cd14d

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No wonder, it was 81fa63cbb6 my first time coming efbc5d9d03 to a train station.1c4404f3c1370fef

In the past, when I was fourteen, I didn’t take the train when I came to the Central with count Larestine.ffb46e4b7ac0261d

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[ T/N : It’s about the time when the count kidnapped Lyla from her family ]

The memories of that fdd5de7787 time, when I traveled b429a3ef4b on a rough country 0a10a7aa99 road for twelve days 9ad12e6ec2 in a carriage, were a968bb894e vague.7bd4a0d337f2ca19

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Whenever I opened my 2ef6bf65f8 eyes, I felt nauseous e43746ce80 and kept sleeping, so fbcceb3a49 the only memory I fe2029a3d0 had of the long d4b3d208db carriage journey was the c4fa557839 hardship.f2b26518e55e18bd

This time, based on my past experience, I chose the train instead of the carriage, but…a94c1dced4c7bd0b

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The train 5a3f60d09c station I d2279b7b02 saw this 9ef1682dd9 time in f55d05e9fc my current cca8cd158e life was 945e1ba232 completely different dd8fe14c87 from the 247941359e train station 4cc9809804 in my 95b306362a past life.a216c6ae13e2bad4

The size d612dba5e7 of the 99f3290d08 train station, afa63febfb the interior, 6107101601 the appearance c2828d0ab2 of the 22127dcc79 train, the 06b8eaad18 people walking 2b8c2f4d45 inside, the e9c3747c79 atmosphere inside, acf9367d13 everything.9188a72d8dfcb4a8

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I liked ca1391fede the train a651c8b67d station in a945d1739c this life ad7dd2820a better.1b38b403ffa21d33

“One ticket to Eres, please.”b3a57c1272b2b4f3

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I bought the ticket 615bec6c84 without hesitation. The destination was a 01edefe8ef port city at the bb4c4cd1d0 southern end, where my 7ebd1c55f4 family was currently staying.e062710e8619aef0

Although it had been a2155de02e two years since Aslan e676db833a found my family and 898b3f7058 arranged a new home ab1e9e54b5 for them, I had 8e39a2b658 never visited them.64ae42ae88336c02

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It was because of 2b60fca5d1 guilt and fear.22911341ca495904

If it weren’t for me, my family would have lived peacefully. I felt sorry for the hardships they went through because of me.af6ba35ad0dfc865

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And I was scared. I was afraid they 7c5316f8c6 would resent me. I was afraid that 02f75eed1f because of me, their 3c0887b116 peaceful home had been d509e1d11d shattered. I was afraid 063f9e8609 of how my 20bf5dcacf family would feel.6b410c0bf3a51a42

So I only heard cd45abbad0 news of my family 1b1247d845 through Aslan and never 7467da2a01 made an attempt to ff30a55b50 meet them.13c95047c2699c0f

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But…a246d40557e787a6

‘If I leave 49930560d4 Tordell Manor, I baf8a87324 will have nowhere 438e26d853 to go except 080378968f to be with 9582ae9fcd my family.’10ed0c8a049fdec8

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I didn’t like my selfishness.284a7fe4d640853b

I felt tense just imagining how my family, whom I hadn’t seen in seven years, would react when they would see me.6ece1495771df968

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However, when I 40f45d58b4 actually arrived at 2393983566 the platform and 82703ba7a7 boarded the train, 85eb21fca5 my body felt 3d9250bc32 light.aedcfbf1188ddd6b

It had been 39be80bbf3 a long time 38ad2c2b7c since I felt de2ec10679 this good.41540163746a6d86

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Due to the dffc71a317 exhausting life at e86d30cc6c Count Larestine’s manor, 8706a9584c my health had ee6ac4539c deteriorated significantly, and 2045ea9b1c I had been f5dba4ef08 living in pain 1f2eb627b8 every day at 43d901dfd3 Tordell manor.69c6285083d2d504

But now, I didn’t have the recurring headaches that used to torment me, and my limbs, which had felt heavy as if weighed down, were light. My body didn’t tremble as if I had caught a cold.c00ac166874bccf2

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‘It’s strange.’0b4968541f2d5861

Did my body 82b45f5233 become comfortable because d7974aac2b my mind is 524da70dd7 at ease?d517d3743dc019f0

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With a d151f5f654 pleasant sense c353988e2b of wonder, 5ba2bab49a I looked 85aba54bd7 around and d3ff684355 found my c71ac7b4c3 seat as 98b62688d5 indicated on 62d6c4e53c the ticket.6d0b344cebacad30

“Phew.”88056476c30dafbf

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I entered the 6b6b04c982 empty compartment, put c81a23f99c my luggage down, a2c4cc42f7 and sat down.6cdae6754728645f

Even though it hadn’t even been half a day, I was already tired.05620702580287c0

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‘There have been cf137c1da1 so many things 496e3e027c happening.’28d4ed4f9da4aa10

As I massaged my d4612c6c09 tired legs, the train 642ded6ac8 started moving with a 9178af2e71 loud miraculous sound.2dfba4b70797125e

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As I watched the 9f499a2dd0 quickly disappearing scenery outside 2975897782 the window, I realized efe7b15a2d that I was truly d9561e584a leaving the capital.36f3fe18af8be1bf

“Goodbye.”1017b72c987b02bf

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I said farewell 6601eba0c6 to the people ecd5d2d5e8 who would be 2769ba11cb there.7b0b16587ea8e1bd

Thinking about the c72df1e52b people I would f82a9dea6e never see again af9532cd45 made me feel 8f50804468 a bit down, b1b9938294 but when I 6f42b54adf thought about leaving 6d5171da12 Central, which was 76611c2578 filled with painful 6a4e4c005f memories, my heart 24b35014d7 felt light.e20681f824d005f6

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“Goodbye for real.”bd10f3d0fdf73a94

Tall and low buildings 432dff42c5 disappeared, and wide fields efdb05cab2 appeared. Fluffy clouds 624f8fa93f floated in 5f32634e4c the blue 347140fb9a sky.ab9f0fef8b0b6d5e

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“The weather is nice.”6becac57971474b7

As I rested 76ecb2032b my chin on 5d386386d7 my hand and d22c46cc03 absentmindedly stared outside, c363213d04 a natural smile 5c1c352377 formed on my 543c025c5e face.31a9e284c34dbe1b

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It was a smile fdca08bd8c filled with abundant joy 5a4772ebbc and happiness, regained after f8eb1f867b losing it for a be5290697f long time.85eeea06f2452604