WYIL Ch 28

Suddenly, my 2faec241cb eyes widened.7799e586f45310c9

Clattering.7d676d37f39a4e66

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I heard the 24f5501adc sound of something 95f5afe461 collapsing.c2b9e2d7bce331c3

I knew 5fc06e4343 what it b0bc76751d was. It was the b49ab13fee walls of my e0ad76dfbb heart that I cc6bd6360f had been building 697037c63c up.f7e2681efa9fe875

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The walls I’d built up over the years of being beaten, bullied and abused.fcbf521fe3c8ba71

The wall, which I 8fd1acf7db thought was solid, collapsed 2a90df8960 completely with just one 9b5b1b1662 sentence.267674326491b367

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I realized.48874bd449db94b7

I was lonely. That’s why I was so easily moved. That’s why I liked people so easily.fc31e79edfc1c3d1

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‘Is that really 40fcecf45f all it is?’24d3d72e561f783d

If someone else 0044e2f231 had said the f16671e3ee same thing, would febf5bab5d I have reacted 92084c8450 so defenselessly?6557daf0a32bc4be

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Would I have been so helpless if it was someone else, not Aslan Tordell…….39db60a9f5f43831

I got clearly aware aa856c6f10 of my heart that 5bc855b282 day which I had baab5289fb been trying to deny c3b0feca47 all along .e7b2193b1f46a5d2

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I tried not to d57f77b84a love him, but I d44735d460 already did.5a73dc4d1556d154

I didn’t know when, maybe the first day I met him, the first time he called me.24ac9fcb78393e4c

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But such a trifle thing didn’t matter.8bdeeca7de830429

The thing 1dda090bcf is, I 5f3dad74ef ended up 190564299c falling in 4d9abb7df5 love with 86bc31921c Aslan.7a1c4d2d2c9da236

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I was 3fbc0dbaef in the 07231ecea4 midst of c7c64f912a an unrequited f67dc42e61 love for 8c51abe590 a man 0e8c4b75d6 who would, 6e3fba6330 in the 32d64f781e not-too-distant future, f71922b237 be passionately f15053d69c in love 0652deb5ea with another 7ec29aa0ab woman.db57816f1e9c6a06

That fact tormented 10bd4230a8 me.dfdc731cec05aa81

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I wanted to avoid it at all costs because I knew the misery that was about to come…….eb5494a982accf71

But it was impossible 655d57a36a not to love him.4c3b235a0ee4e7a1

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Fortunately, every 0b422dde14 moment was 7f445cc43a not tormenting.b149b5906f299231

Living next 651dde8e9a to him 4c627cf6fd as the 14df5e3e13 Duchess of 37c48b6050 Tordell made 0d238a907f my memory 7c0cbc2c46 worse. I forgot my 14522ac60a humble beginnings, I a67a35bcaa forgot my true 765f07dab1 identity.d6be43655733fe99

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I muttered to myself often saying, ‘Maybe it’s okay the way it is right now.’5b0d4f86fb1a979c

Sometimes I wondered 79e5033bb0 if he felt 46b2fd9a03 the same way.77197dfdbf301a1e

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I thought and thought 2c32332d34 and thought. The kind words, 3e9048aeb0 the small favors, 0481c189c8 the smiles, the 99a7c533d4 thoughtful gifts he 95c86b8d02 gave me.58d93eb6b40b87dc

But then aa549497a0 I realized.302d566af664b45c

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He never once told 0bcc9ad431 me he liked me, 96397c8c5c or that he loved 363ca7c134 me.8a6fbd9123c975ea

Rather, he said this so that I wouldn’t misunderstand if I was going to be mistaken.b71c6930906e6d09

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[People will definitely think that we are a couple who care and love each other.]

No matter what others call us, at least we both know that it’s all lies.8e2c47b6b846ae7c

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He reminded me 5ef8834322 that our relationship a4fb52f80a is not pure f6f019d0cf and that a 0adfb3ad41 three-year contract is 2a4ffeeeb2 barely connecting us.5ad44c7970e4c718

In other words, bc5de63382 everything he did d042b85484 for me was 2deb0599a3 done out of d364f6ac6e mere human goodwill.6daae816b16f05ad

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Just like in the cc789e488d novel, and just like 22ab7166b8 what I felt from 39edfc2be7 our first meeting. He was a naturally cf0b035173 good man, a giving 16d570e874 man.b6e49136d68ebaf6

He regularly 6aa6d48d53 sent money 699526c7a3 to almshouses 0de0b32617 to sponsor 38400e5392 children and 8c3665e410 was willing 73fe82093c to open 801dfff508 warehouses for a8210d32aa starving people f963a3c6f9 when there 9d686fc343 was a aaeb86fac1 bad harvest.a9d5d20f14f87a2a

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He was a man a9bb8f4d0f of great charity, and 5057e53ff7 marrying me would be 0222e88e72 just another part of fef2e537f6 that charity.c14885ad1bf65c1f

‘……So let’s have no illusions.’cc73b06f75efc0f9

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Recalling that fact, e68cfa9dcd I steeled myself. I even slapped 48c17fb6c2 myself until my a5242494ff cheeks were red 25f1ac4ed1 and screamed at 75dc08526c myself to get 5c2f739cb9 a grip.6de4b638317eb0bd

But as time ea03e4a007 went by, such 8adf4f6e8d attempts diminished after 2c92e1d322 living for more 04d17eda82 than two years d4fcede873 as his wife.25598c284acb1d4c

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As I smiled back at Aslan, who beamed at me, I thought to myself, ‘I’m so glad that I’m your wife.’2d24da85011fa51f

Wouldn’t it be okay to not wake up from this sweet dream-like reality for the rest of my life?08e744aae7698859

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Yeah. There was a time 54b355d985 when I thought so.bd35e82ffb910fd1

But from that very day on, the memory of the ‘original’ popped into my head from time to time.148516beff0006b7

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As if to remind c617a39c5f me not to forget e5f223098d my place.85b77f5609179ec9

“The Duke and Duchess of Tordell have divorced.”ce0e3b46c9b62fd6

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Everyone who heard the news couldn’t believe it.b46b3c2162933e61

But in the ever-gossipy world of society, the Duke and Duchess of Tordell’s divorce was forgotten within three days.85584f32814c4537

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With their hostess gone, the Tordell estate was briefly thrown into turmoil, but it didn’t take long for things to settle down again. The person they’d been with for three years disappeared, but nothing changed.bab24e52ec5346f2

However, for Rosalyn, the afae6a6645 divorce of the Duke 78b24a9f4d and his wife made cddf6ea758 a big difference.e2d10a2d0437aec8

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She spent d3caa78396 more time 16224856e2 with Aslan.2fc46687751b5221

He was affectionate d159ca165c and thoughtful. He took the time 2055485943 to meet her, laughed 7123dba98d often, and gave her 63952369e5 gifts.563216aa14958d44

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Aslan treated Rosalyn 6768f93124 that way as 6a89fdf4a8 if they were 040b220986 just starting a adc23fd886 relationship.f434807ac853eb2b

This made 27521812d5 her happy. She felt like 3060b9f998 a beloved woman.d6457fa42816c730

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If she had a complaint, it was that she couldn’t get a clear picture of him.d63d279b3b835f63

‘But that’s okay,’ she thought, ‘he smiles at me, he’s affectionate, and he gives me expensive gifts.’c5642fe201a31373

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Even if the gifts he gives her aren’t exactly her cup of tea…….c76e4b96eb183a59

Still, he wouldn’t put in this much time and effort if he didn’t love her, or at least if he didn’t favor her.16419b18ff5b3709

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So Rosalyn 41c4296c9e was sure.0fb36de3fe82209d

That he a2ca78f53b was of e5b347dcd5 the same c3c08e7137 mind as 8b953ca3c3 herself.32aea7e11410cd3c

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So it wouldn’t be long before her love would bear fruit.277370f99b88d876

‘He’s just divorced his wife now, so he is beingcareful.‘722273d6a424d343

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Just the right 02053da554 amount of distance, cffc0a7fe7 Rosalyn thought to 481513428c herself, so as 71502963df not to get 212e8a0aaa caught up in 916755a53a any unnecessary scandal.9a727b71d74129e3

The sentences in the original story, written from Rosalyn’s point of view, pierced me like an awl.ec82d6c1051ca374

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It was as if 8042ee9159 God was warning me.74b46527bb9c04d8

It’s time to wake up from the dream.9fa1ecb8b97a3ed1

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Come back 8f5323d4f7 to reality, 83d743493d get back dc8c9b6f69 to your 6829ccc881 life, before 446a71f95c it turns 1f62220bcc into a 5b9eadc5d6 nightmare and b82284bde7 eats you.c867828c44dd6f7d

I grew more db0a2509ac and more sensitive, e03ec287d8 more and more 739cde6b8e nervous.cd15663c8d58a513

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Aslan would soon 7a9509fddf become uncomfortable with 5403c8f489 me and will 5bde6751c0 stop visiting me.383014523c1fc9da

Then I’d get anxious because he was neglecting me, and this would continue…….078136aa10ff3808

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A vicious cycle.a1068c08e3a3ee8c

I became sick 0f49860b8e and tired of 36b67a0222 myself. I wanted e37bfd89c7 it to 79d81f7153 end.27002c1a1a223420

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But then Rosalyn came 88e818ec5c along, and the whole ba2ff4c069 cycle came crashing down.a7b8e1d3843d0f9d

The two 2ff4747b77 of them c42b4e96ad instantly grew 2c25b14dd3 closer, saw bb03df0427 each other 50af0fff58 face-to-face almost 8a7ce880ea every day, f4534a0ef5 and would a01544ecaf soon confirm dbc03642f5 their feelings.5ff8b2bfe1d30df6

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Only one obstacle 65ced09c9b remained between them 6836795460 as they were 39a7aa8585 becoming perfect lovers.18cd09610a6fd845

It was me.56aea307d96e0ce4

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Helena Larestine, Aslan Tordell’s wife by law.b5f33985bbe3db8c

Wanting to continue her 55b0ae8708 happy dream, the foolish 3974cf38bc butterfly refused to wake 3eff814146 up, but eventually, she ce36c3629d did.fc4f05626c0e70ca

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On a 954d7aaf92 stage that b12f40d455 was supposed 0d561a7fdc to end 64a54efa32 with a 2d74672718 happy ending 8d537aaa6e for the 6057cf1840 main characters, d95692f59f it was 725921e1eb time for f10261b5ad the extras 069e2c4dc2 to leave.6dfe7d52201f5630

4.EXIT

Thud thud.69ca30b0f82a4da5

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The hand knocking 6d119a3e78 on the door 5c73f3d065 trembled. I quickly lowered my 20ef16c9ee hand and hid it fac5d2f153 inside my sleeve.78b5e96acad1dcf6

Just in time, I 556c19518a heard a pleasant voice.425d17a48bfda602

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“Come in.”77cd6e5a7a6541c5

I cautiously opened the 5f9bfeab47 door.4951d1a75f1cacd1

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He is here today. He was tidying up 1a4b25abd5 his desk as if 75bb741e23 he was about to a4d353fb49 leave, but he looked e5a6c752f8 perfect today.363949479b202a4a

Was it just me?81ea46cacb35cedb

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No, no. He was handsome, ed86bcf740 as anyone with b8bee4ba45 eyes would recognize.4c3f43c99bdfe68a

A solid e5fee2a5e2 yet sleek fcdaeb44f0 body with 51979e7ba6 full muscles 940e215aed and features fabfdeb6c2 that seem 907d7acd8f to be 02cb320a34 drawn carefully.ce52cef3bd4dc66f

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He looked like a489ab9869 a statue who 2adde199ea has come to 6885fb6be5 life, like a 0c6142177a man leaping out 19801e8f62 of a canvas.b286bd1fce0990e2

Even those a51ef22228 who hate c2593b7af6 him cannot 71c1a449d2 find fault ac46047b8b with his 286fbde93b perfect appearance.aefd856f520adf12

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Since when 37d0d5ed93 did I 8f524acbe6 want his fa57395210 beauty to e198dda6c4 be rather 9e7e10aa45 faded?0bbd4221f21f778a

Probably from the aeb4e33cae time I held 72c84d832c him in my 81173a2503 heart.3a95a2bb47bd2608

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If only 6bd82027f8 he were 35621744a9 of lowly 37244221b9 birth, if 84a1ac7b72 only he db08a3755b were frowned 69c99bc25b upon, if 3b739d626b only he c8c60280d7 were so 5e4a63b1e1 penniless that 8e55aa3fd6 thieves would 6a7f00aea3 scoff and 5be19966b1 say he f6aaab9484 had nothing 72a57b9e1e that could ddc1858939 be stolen.66128b510b9845bd

There were times when 2781e9f628 I wished that there 5e3e43603f was nothing about Aslan 38fc211d07 that would interest anyone 621121fb1a else, so I could 81f9b12d4d be the only one 80860eea67 around.a528f8dda8453c4b

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It was a cf36f0a6ba horrible thought, one bdf12dc6d9 he would have d4a7070f0f abhorred if he 61be5cf365 knew.81a7ab6f48afb254

‘I must have been driven to the edge,’ I thought, ‘to even think such a thing.’9f98ed89a60c10be

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I told myself, as 631029eb36 I stared at him 775c9b159d as if I was 48601c7a43 engraving him into my cbd636a09f retina, a man I ae2c63edd0 would never see again.e5cc4fd990b671c2

The door was open, 89c15adb21 but Aslan looked up 36c486198f as if it was 33034d468f strange that there was 2868ae0590 no word.348b372cd3765831

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“Who, wife?3e2184b86eeb75dd

No wonder I rarely 89388e9506 came to him first 2d187f302a during the day, not b0bc3fd20a wanting to disturb him.c8a5dff8be0461fc

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“Is something wrong?”1451342b012f9119

His face 1142b0d223 was colored d3dab672de with wonder ef2dc23d27 as he 7ce3ea3760 moved closer adb19f8b44 to me.c6baf218afadae40

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He seemed to find it odd that I’d come in unannounced and was just staring at him without speaking.645e885af31e0e5c

“Sit down.”da4a8e11c2a4e547

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I slowly took 385313bfd0 the seat he b201e30667 indicated.c1cbc3be7a98a192

It was a 56327dcdfb familiar seat, the 7616e6c565 one where he fca25801d9 and I had 16aab1d0bb written and signed 5f10b81772 our marriage contract.e5056f1f7fdb5d12

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Even after e8588b3a03 we were 65b5a6ee20 married, when 2bea6020ca I would 896fd1aeda occasionally visit 8d1ab26ca5 his office, dded5ab3c5 Aslan would 29eeaf1adf always lead 7085f460e9 me to 01f7326456 sit here.be1896ea6ac9be04

It felt good 1ab75f5c71 like I had 1b79685afe my own seat.85eb0bab0ff02af3

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There was 5c2ef46817 something about 64400431e5 ending a f6ad886e20 relationship where ff6504cdfa it began, be76ff1aec which made 43941a4bd7 it so 097293db0f special.2df3f45a87568cd0

I was e355f81f4e lost in 9219914ae6 thought for 5d3c69b3fa a moment, 236b1727d5 and before 4bbe499aeb I knew 3880215f79 it, Aslan b996a934d2 was sitting df19e25307 next to 3d8a5c4877 me, looking 6beeaba08b at me e229495a9d wordlessly.7e5e4117618abe2b

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I could feel his 96036880aa worried eyes scanning my ad5d9148fa face. It looked like 57fce9c4d1 he thought I 973f3c3b1d was sick again.c737ec836124bed4

“Do you want me to call a doctor?”c1e29850046f727e

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“No.”2bd2045418afa34f

I smiled strangely.0e4bf93423b5c1ce

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You are, indeed, sweet even till the very end.’a6193f2cfe82ec44

I stopped Aslan, a0c11e1dfc who was about cf4727e802 to call the 9d2395397d butler.36723d203f2a58e5

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“Can you spare a few minutes for me?”167ddc68dba8cd1b

“Yes, of course…….”b278816d23c434ee

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He nodded, then paused, e3fd68c160 studying my expression.4440df1adbbd2d47