UBC Ch6

“I must be crazy, utterly crazy.”

The chopsticks for correcting your posture, lying on the desk like an eyesore, pricked my conscience painfully. I’d coaxed my friend to go out, gone all the way to the very end, and then, abandoning my pride, I’d rushed to grab those chopsticks.

A sigh fluttered over the chopsticks I’d bought without a plan. I was already buried under a mountain of practice problems, and now I was just increasing my unnecessary expenses. I bit my lip hard, chastising myself, when the doorbell rang.

“Ji-eon.”

“Yes?”

It was a voice I’d momentarily forgotten. It must be my tutor, who said he’d be a bit late due to traffic. I jumped up, banging my forehead on the edge of the desk. Groaning, I put the newly bought chopsticks in the drawer.

“Just a moment.”

I ran to open the front door, and there he was, holding thick textbooks. He was wearing a jacket with his university logo on it in the sweltering heat, sweating profusely. My tutor, responsible for my summer vacation studies, came from the neighborhood next to Dongwa-ri. Four times a week, this Seoul University student would teach me as a side job. My aunt’s extensive network had helped make this happen.

My aunt, a firm believer in private education, was sometimes even more aggressive than my own mother. But she had terrible judgment when it came to people, so I didn’t really like my current tutor. If I said I wanted to quit, my aunt would throw a fit, so I was just putting up with it for the summer.

“Did you review?”

“Yes.”

The first reason I didn’t like him was that he was a man. After going to an all-girls middle school and an all-girls high school, I felt more comfortable around the same gender. I’d preferred a female tutor if possible, but my aunt insisted that men were better at teaching and stubbornly stuck with the current tutor.

The second reason I didn’t like him was that he definitely smoked cigarettes frequently. The smell of tobacco on his fingers sometimes made me not even want to go near him. The unpleasant smell permeated the writing utensils he borrowed and the seat he sat on. As for the writing utensils, I refused to take them back, saying, “Please, keep them.”

The third reason I didn’t like him was the way he treated me. On days when I wore shorts, his eyes were different. He’d stick out his stomach as if trying to get a better look and adjust his silver-rimmed glasses. Because my mom rarely turned on the air conditioner, it was hard to wear long pants at home, so on days when I had tutoring, I’d pull out the pants that barely covered my knees, but I still felt like his gaze kept drifting downwards.

The creaking, creaking sound of the old fan was like my own heart. I deliberately missed problems to divert his gaze.

“I don’t understand this.”

“Really? Which part?”

“All of it.”

I was waiting for summer vacation to end quickly. My mom was busy with her salon work and on edge. I kept my mouth shut, worried that she would get into a pointless fight with my aunt, who had recommended the tutor. Besides, it wasn’t like the tutor was making direct advances.

I focused on the smoothly gliding pen tip and endured the hellish two hours. Unlike me, who grabbed my writing utensils and workbook as soon as class was over, the tutor gathered his materials with sluggish movements.

“Ji-eon.”

“Yes?”

I was getting ready to say goodbye when I tensed up at the tutor’s greasy upward glance. The tutor, having taken off his glasses, stared at the living room window, which seemed to emanate a dark aura.

“How about we sometimes have our tutoring sessions at a cafe?”

“Oh…”

I’d heard that some kids did that, but I didn’t want to sit alone with the tutor at a cafe. It would also take a lot of effort to go all the way downtown. I shook my head to indicate that I didn’t want to, and the disappointment that spread across the tutor’s face was incredibly clear.

“You need to study in places like that too.”

“I’m more comfortable at home.”

“Ji-eon, don’t you want to go to college?”

My grades were already good enough to aim for a top-tier university. Just as I was about to get angry at his ridiculous threat, the front door opened.

“Aunt Jung-soo.”

I felt a renewed sense of relief that my aunt and mom, who had a sky-high distrust of men, were acting as my supervisors. My aunt, who would barge in like clockwork when tutoring was over to send the tutor away, pretended to be just a friendly neighborhood woman and used a naive tone when outsiders were present.

“You need to eat dinner. Teacher, are you still here?”

“Ah, yes.”

The tutor, looking disgruntled, just nodded and walked towards the front door. My aunt, who had been staring intently at his retreating figure with his untied shoelaces, clicked her tongue as if she had been waiting for the door to close.

“What good is being good at studying if you’re so… unattractive.”

“He’ll hear you.”

“Let him. Is he the one paying? I’m the one paying.”

My aunt, who strongly believed in the power of money more than anything else, immediately changed her expression and approached me. She stroked my cheek, saying I must have worked hard studying.

“You just need to focus on studying without worrying about anything else. You know that you are your mother’s dream and your aunt’s hope, right?”

Then, rolling up her sleeves, my aunt went into the kitchen and began inspecting the refrigerator. She grumbled that I hadn’t bought any decent side dishes and sighed as she took out the empty containers, making me feel bitter.

“If it weren’t for you, would I be taking care of that old geezer, taking care of his step-sons, and living like that? You can’t get caught by some wild stallion like your mother did. You’ll meet them all when you go to college, all of them. Just hold on a little longer.”

It was uncertain whether I would be good at dating even if I went to college. It felt a little unfair to say that it was my fault that my aunt was working as a servant and stepmother in a wealthy family. Wasn’t it my aunt who liked expensive clothes, shoes, and luxury cars? It didn’t seem like something I should hear from my aunt, who wore jewel-encrusted rings on all ten fingers. But because I loved my aunt, I silently folded the table legs and got up.

“By the way, Ji-eon.”

“Yes, Aunt?”

My aunt, who was taking out zucchini, tofu, and enoki mushrooms as if she was going to make soybean paste stew, looked at me with a face as if she had suddenly remembered something.

“You know that kid who died of lung disease. The Kang’s son.”

It was the story of the deceased Eui-joo. I, who was leaning the dinner table against the wall, slowed my breathing and stopped moving. I missed the timing to answer.

“I heard his older brother moved nearby. Grandma Jeju said that he’s been scowling and walking around, ruining the neighborhood atmosphere. Wonder what he does for a living?”

I had stayed home all day studying, but my heart pounded like a child caught doing something bad.

“So? Did he cause some kind of accident?”

“He will soon. Ugh, if a young person is going to move in, wouldn’t it be nice if it was someone healthy and normal? Why does a handsome thug have to be around you?”

She chopped the green onions, the sound of the knife hitting the cutting board echoing. My aunt, who ranked men based on prejudice, shook her head. I barely managed to enter the kitchen, opened the refrigerator door, and stood there, feeling the cold air all over my body.

“If you happen to see that man, don’t ever talk to him. Don’t even say hello if you make eye contact. Got it?”

I couldn’t bring myself to tell the truth to my aunt, who was so strict. Saying that I had already talked to him, made eye contact, and knew each other’s personal information would drive her crazy.

“Got it? Yang Ji-eon.”

When there was no answer, my aunt put down the knife and put her hands on her hips. I had no choice but to back down in the face of my aunt’s increasingly sharp eyes.

“Yes.”

“If you meet someone like that, your life as a woman will be ruined. When you go to college, there are plenty of men who are good-looking, have good families, and have good personalities.”

I ran away to my room, avoiding my aunt, who was still muttering as if she hadn’t fully calmed down. I threw myself onto the bed and reached out to open the drawer. The chopsticks for correcting your posture, lying neatly inside, made my fingertips shrink back.

It was a waste to throw them away. But my aunt’s words bothered me if I gave them to him. After agonizing over it for 30 minutes, I decided to secretly slip them into Eui-joo’s mailbox. I muttered as if vowing to organize my feelings and thoughts about Eui-joo’s brother, Kang Eui-tae, with this. Maybe it was because of my friendship with Eui-joo, but I couldn’t be harsh with the man. Praising myself for the satisfactory plan, I set the departure time for 30 minutes later.

“Ji-eon!”

I was startled by my aunt’s voice calling for me urgently from outside and slammed the drawer shut.

“Yes!”

I ran out as fast as my feet could carry me and saw my aunt putting on her shoes in a hurry, having stopped cooking.

“Come out and lock the gate. That old geezer keeps calling for me, so I have to go. I’ve prepared all the ingredients. All you have to do is cook it.”

“Don’t worry about me, Aunt.”

“Lock the doors well.”

My aunt, looking pale, hurried out, but even so, she made sure that I locked the gate before leaving. Unbeknownst to the niece who was leaning against the closed gate, she was revising the 30-minute departure plan to 3 minutes later. I stretched towards the full moon, which was showing off a bright smile as if nothing had happened.

Once I handed over the chopsticks, it would be much easier to organize my feelings. My energetic steps crossed the yard exactly 2 minutes later.