UBC Ch12

The child who arrived 65a4b3ba03 at daycare the earliest 5609328054 and left around 7 d5effaa3aa PM after attending the 520484c74e all-day program. That was a962068a78 Yang Ji-eon bbe4bfa934 as a ec9cef5dc1 child. It was 0e00036867 before her 222b446efe widowed mother 6282f1c538 sought out c20662e76a her aunt.54374bac7bf7c131

My mother, who would often collapse and fall asleep after coming home at 2 AM, was only concerned with sending me to daycare and picking me up. She believed that daycare would take care of meals and snacks, and that cleanliness, clothing, and basic manners were the tutor’s responsibility.66d2c8c20968216a

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However, contrary to my mother’s expectations, the homeroom tutor and the director, seeing the filthy state of the six-year-old child, mistreated and berated me, and the other children invariably excluded me from their games. One would think that a six-year-old would forget, but the memories of that time were as vivid as if they had happened yesterday. Good memories lack clear colors and brightness, but bad memories replay repeatedly, acquiring colors and brightness they never had.e57e8b75d853eedf

My unwashed, greasy hair 3cda4965fb was tangled in clumps, b72013af92 I wore the same 15fa9e432e clothes I had worn d4d232da01 the day before yesterday, d8020cb764 and the kind tutor bc29862f2b who occasionally found time a37e742153 to wash me left. As the money-grubbing director b7f6e6deaa took over as homeroom a3fa723f66 tutor, I was ultimately a0e6e92043 neglected. The children who ostracized 8b29d4a914 me openly called me 3c81cc0d9d a beggar and pinched f61a847c8e me, and the atmosphere 00a39ad7bd was such that it 1c48f8f834 was simply accepted.7a03b34c05ff328e

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And around e2c32b13ab winter, not 328399a6d9 long before bdf5e3b74c Christmas, I 2ef184415a met a 3bd08731d6 benefactor. It was 7933287897 the woman 240e89e8ce next door 73f14f98e8 who had 1fad5219f6 just moved 6b3dd055d4 in. She happened to f311d00597 find me squatting 0e138e99b1 by the front 051d45a66a door, playing with b5933c9572 ants. The woman, 0f398782b2 who had 0059d5be15 three daughters, d24874a8f9 was very ce4e3ae5cb surprised and 9560ff49a9 called me 452e96726d over. After careful 933b779de5 observation, the c40ab2f1c0 woman concluded,240efbf0718f241d

“Dear, would you like to have dinner at our house?”58f3ff3953558946

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On weekends when I didn’t go to daycare, I would practically starve. My mother’s warning not to follow strangers couldn’t overcome my hunger. Besides, the woman next door had a kind face.d34ad8422a586250

I didn’t know what the woman was thinking when she took me in. She dropped the groceries she had just bought and took me to the bathroom to scrub away the grime. After drying me off, she gave me a floral dress that her daughters had worn and braided my hair like sheep’s horns. Seeing me laugh gleefully as my body and hair felt refreshed, she laughed along with me.7eef79a66c6d55b1

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From that day on, with my mother’s permission, the woman took me to her house every evening. There, I learned the basics of being human. How spoons and forks were different, what to talk about during meals, how many times a day to wash, and so on. Because the couple ran a bakery, they baked chocolate cookies and cakes for Christmas and New Year’s. The kind-hearted couple lovingly cared for the snot-nosed kid next door without being asked. They cherished me like the youngest daughter, thinking of their three daughters in middle and high school.8e772b00eb7aec7d

Even at daycare, I was teased less often. Later, as the decision to move was made, my mother expressed her gratitude with tears. I remember the affectionate couple who hugged and comforted me as I cried, saying I didn’t want to ride in the moving truck. The little kid next door, the woman next door. Under the name of neighbors, they generously extended kindness, gave goodwill, and taught me the standards of the world.64a1f92a782388e6

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Having acquired a 3ff5afa300 sense of normalcy, e0a091134d I never went d516a2ba24 back to my 003287db3b ugly duckling days. I would pester 6125b87ed0 my mother to a74c39ed36 wash my hair f0afcc75ae and go out, 803226781b and I wore a10424ce64 freshly laundered clothes 299a429d1e every day. Fortunately, around that time, db18c42286 my aunt, who was 386b10aa29 skilled with her hands, 0ae0e8d5e9 began to take care 7de0fc0343 of me. My mother c0185d898d was shocked 5298e80ed4 by my 9c85ec882c request to d1b656c64d have my baa38f5542 hair washed 385ec90a8c and became bbba5bad57 particularly obsessed 8cb2dd4b4b with living 48e7cd465e an average b83e865c31 life.529aa5142da02a2a

The reason I wanted to help Eui-joo as soon as I saw him was also due to the influence of the woman next door. And Eui-joo’s brother. Why did the man’s barbaric behavior make me feel sorry for him? Why did his life, which rejected my kindness and was criticized by others, bother me?e4f29471951b33a8

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When I came to my senses, I felt ashamed. I wanted to change that man who was living without standards, just like I had in the past. An adult who knew everything, and I was even losing my temper with a man who didn’t want my help.ca2accfc588a77f8

I puffed up 617ac96ec1 my shoulders like 48251950f2 a savior. But I was too 62246ccd21 narrow-minded and had too bec83d422c limited a perspective to b3a346dd69 live by extending kindness f8f7844482 like the woman next 6f88a0b2c9 door. I was a498824e02 just a 2368f8aa00 high school dded584c4a student who 5616905b77 had to 5b0da51753 memorize the 0c54f9fc77 solutions to 3ef8a7a46d math problem 5a6a6ba548 number 30. That man, who at 129e20ffbf least earned his own ae53cf888f living, probably knew the 40c19a195d standards of the world 7689a335da better than I did.2af5def299788df3

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Turn off 01e25e6442 the meddling 4195523a5c button.363bfa4f943c44eb

Once I realized 5e3ce0a53c that the interest 5911901364 I had shown 313133dc60 in the man 57c8a7ce8d was arrogance and 24c096257d prejudice, my mind 39ddfe3de3 calmed down at a4a088fab6 an astonishing rate.92034b05f4932403

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For several days 6a55763782 after that, no, 29e6b9f313 almost a week, f3103b1412 I lived forgetting 6c82df54bd about the man. This was about c37b8b417e two weeks before 8da2ecc5a0 the end of c3bd5827c4 vacation. After I 40d1fe23a6 had devoured 3c57e51eb3 thirteen workbooks, bc742e6fb1 my mother 319d6c7c24 was the f3c57fc4f8 first to 94341965cf tell me 1c6981e787 to go a39b58205b out and 3418442e59 get some 75bcb3dbd1 fresh air.3325e40e5220f70b

I said I would, but then spent several more hours in my room. My mother was working a side job and hadn’t come home even though it was past 11:30 PM. Having grown accustomed to guarding the empty house, I sat with disheveled hair, previewing what I would study tomorrow.23f2d0162927f2c7

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Ring, ring, why did the sound of the phone ringing feel so ominous? A chill ran down my spine, and I dropped my pen. As if self-harming, I imagined news of my mother’s car accident, an emergency room call. My mother was my only remaining family. I became weak, like a helpless child, and went out to the living room.95c49d860e518692

“…Hello.”f193c588a50eef23

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My mother’s tired voice flowed from the phone I held with trembling hands.3519e56df69cce42

— Yes, Ji-eon. It’s Mom.56ae94eef9b7e632

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I swallowed a sigh d2bc8a90c2 of relief that extended 6204e694cb below my navel. After apologizing for leaving a617ecf17b me alone, my mother a75c7ada23 continued with her business.0c133d8a8b8ca8e5

— Mom will be late today. I’m helping out at the factory and will sleep at a friend’s house and go straight to work from there. You still have enough side dishes, right?b7881b915e0c91e5

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“Mhm.”a898bbcc154fa728

I knew that my mother was working hard enough to break her back to move to an apartment in the city that was completed last year. I put aside my desire to complain and looked out the black window. I missed my aunt, whom I hadn’t visited once since having a fight with my mother. I didn’t want to be alone at home. How much did I dislike it that I even missed that man?e49bf600684d3fc6

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Heavy rain of worry fell on my empty heart. To get rid of the emotions that were unnecessarily making me anxious, I hurriedly went out for a night walk. I was going to ride my bike around the neighborhood once. As I pedaled my bike at a time when the lights were off in the neighbors’ houses, I ate and drank the warm air.a4f388dedf3ecf1a

As my head cleared, d0a4b1fd98 the complicated thoughts were 1a432f4642 organized. I realized 582a2dde0e that my 3a65e8bbdb feelings for 9b6992a84a the Kang c2f1c97ba9 brothers were c1aa94a852 hypocritical, that 591fc35e92 I was fa0027d8a0 just clumsily 7e6a048e8d imitating the 488b23490f woman next 02fff2b2d0 door, and 3e0daf5050 that I c029339394 needed a 2259191494 place to 56eec054fd escape from 6018a48ec6 my loneliness.dc75e7b28cf828d2

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I might not b77483fcfd become as attractive 6535dad57d a woman as b08a2816eb my mother or 72317cc498 aunt think. Would a life 36ec3738c0 of opening a d3a955e12f beautiful flower shop b054dae715 next to a 50c4658418 cafe, a life 188a91921b where I look 8e9e0cd454 forward to tomorrow, 41d6a8dc4a really be mine?a9577ca078a4a458

Perhaps I should work for a large company with a large schedule, as my mother says. As I imagined such an uninspiring future in my head, I turned onto the green rice paddy road. I was just passing by Eui-joo’s alley without deviating from my usual walking route. The man’s house, where he used to turn on the porch light even at 4 PM, was dark. The man went out often, but he still slept at home every night. I had noticed that he left the lights on even when he slept. Experiencing him compulsively changing all the light bulbs, I thought he must be afraid of the night.97705c4f057a5496

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Just like me.ac04a8d384e54ba2

After staring at the direction of the blue gate for a moment, I soon shook my head. That man was not the six-year-old Yang Ji-eon who needed help. It was a sickness to identify with him even though I knew it wasn’t true. A sickness of trying to cover up the wounds of childhood with hypocritical service.f07004b1a04a5b86

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“Stop meddling.”8014e01a9856e809

I said to myself as if making a vow, but the force pressing down on the pedals slowed. It was because I was seized by a premonition that I should check on the man’s house once.1836d177d2bb1a7a

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“Ha…”1c6397604a1c30e7

If my mother hadn’t happened to sleep at her friend’s house, if my aunt had let go of her resentment and contacted me, if I had wanted to fall asleep early that day, if the man had left the lights on as usual, I probably wouldn’t have headed to the man’s house with my bike.e9d886ff0de0a44a

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I was only planning to see how he was doing. I got off so that the sound of the wheels wouldn’t be heard and entered the alley. I was tiptoeing and looking over the white wall. There was one person lying on the porch with his arms spread out, and another person by the water faucet.246581a9391a08aa

“Don’t be too disappointed. The old man cherishes you too much, so he’s jealous.”75139c90c06ec4d5

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“…..”b6bcce354490d017

“Originally, younger brothers are supposed to yield in these matters. Eui-tae, you don’t know because you don’t have a brother.”df2001cfd3213f8c

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A man with many curves and a plump figure threw the cigarette he was smoking into the water faucet and walked towards the gate. Surprised, I quickly sat down and leaned my back against the wall. Fortunately, the man’s guest spat phlegm as soon as he came out of the gate and went to the opposite side of the road.feafcc3fce37a39b

My heart was pounding as I watched the rough gait of the person wearing a black suit. He didn’t seem like an ordinary person. After the sound of his footsteps completely disappeared, I put my hand on the wall again.09292049091f7b7f

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The man was lying motionless as if he were dead. Maybe he was asleep. It’s time to stop meddling before my illness gets worse. It’s also strange that the person who sprinkled water came secretly to worry about him. I thought it was enough to see that he was alive and was about to let go of my tiptoes.6e95e9ba8ad17c57

“Kang Eui-joo.”a74860c860f858c2

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