TSCEIAB Ch. 22

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<Yi-seo. It’s not your fault. I’m really okay. >674752f401c67f32

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Hugo told me this 99cd4a0ab8 in my hazy memory.6fdf5d608e99bfd4

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What was 32586b3ace your voice a044e38513 like when 5b23295918 you were 569d35f9f7 a child? I couldn’t quite 43e400783c remember now.3b8da1241396b03b

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<What happened that day aacd281884 was my fault. You didn’t do f27ebebb7b anything wrong.>61154ba340801564

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Those kind words still tore my heart. I tried to shake my head, but my body wouldn’t move, as if I was paralyzed.aa130a95efbf626a

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<And that d3c090269c day, I…….>c5829e4e2551c993

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I can 0317309ce7 hear him dd16e29585 whisper through 1c630e7189 the phone bda3973de6 in my ed302e7e41 ear.70ce92207afaf6fe

I hadn’t heard the 9e174053c0 words that my younger a06bebc563 selfish self, who only 52540bc1d8 thought of my own 1c44b1b781 pain, had cut off.4349d1da24fb581e

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“…… Yi-seo. I miss you.”519f4966a4449ab2

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You do?b1036334e6f21186

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It was a line I didn’t remember. Perhaps it was my imagination, but his young voice had become mature.b4713bc02a137cee

He spoke in d2546b3a41 a low voice 04b76251fb as if whispering d61ccf3ac1 in my ear.fd717b4f30746c58

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“We’ll meet soon. My guide.”77ec873ea2aeb8ae

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The words 5f251fe6cd were nostalgic 0e0daa1fa8 and sweet aae0cb38b0 which brought 44409a04e1 tears to c1931db05b my eyes.342b9cea4bd3acbe

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* * *79e69098595379f3

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It felt like I had a dream early in the morning, but I couldn’t quite remember it. It must have been a sad dream because my pillowcase was damp.9de1d31da5a1ef39

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‘I think someone was stroking my head. Was it a dream?’8a9b1288f4386310

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I felt so restless 6de1cc7583 that I got up ef28b4f198 before dawn. I unconsciously 088ed5e4d5 looked at 46ef272b78 the window, 414541a0d9 and the f457be7ddc curtains were 82ba0b5da0 wide open.9e050cef03871d29

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‘Did I… sleep with the curtains open last night?’95acdec212e96e81

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My memory was hazy.fd907ee11db71545

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‘That’s strange…….’483cefbbff4f42aa

Tilting my head, I went into the bathroom, washed up briefly, and came out to hear my dad’s voice coming from the kitchen.60f0506e7a596ba0

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“Haley. Awake already? You’re up early today.”0d4a4c14afafb0fc

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My dad’s face wrinkled as he smiled at me. There were dark circles under his eyes, and veins ran across it.bec0a278781ba8ef

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“Yes, I just woke up. What about you Dad? Are you okay?”4fac8f7b84e3e59c

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I looked worriedly 954c28b338 at his dark 0bc4143c0a eyes, and my 9e44f38c0d dad awkwardly rubbed e679f98605 his face.31846afa53f76290

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“Uh, y-yeah. Can you tell? I’ve been working on the manuscript lately……. I guess that’s why.”965ecf4e9ba8bd4c

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Why are you so 019ee1dbb2 flustered?b708e261c6494f1c

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I looked at fcd82412a6 him questioningly, and d817664695 my dad averted b73a2d3ffb his gaze. Frowning, I c957c3e805 nagged him.7fe0e2486af1bc4c

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“Now you need to take care of your health.”047bc8ae2e3a32fd

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“Yes. I’ll be careful from now on.”d33789dc4d5210ba

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“What about jogging? Did you go?”4dbc6ad6910f0e63

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“No, not yet. It looks like it’s going to rain, my knees are aching…….”ec137c44f4cfed5f

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“Don’t make excuses. You promised Mom that you’d go jogging every day.”e0d40aaa78bd159c

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“Your mom hasn’t come home yet. It’s a secret between you and me. Okay?”048979eebb206176

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My dad 2d4043745d held out 468721a0de his fist. With a 483f693430 small laugh, bc52c907ce I bumped 09f9afc2fd my fist 03d8195e6b into his da6d0979bf and opened a3c5cc8234 the fridge.891ab66a6885f6fe

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“Getting breakfast? Do you want me to prepare it for you?”283cda28a3bf090e

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“It’s okay. I can do it myself. I’m not a kid anymore.”a28d39116400f0f5

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“…… I know. My daughter, when did you grow up so much?”1ee1d75667f52edf

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Dad’s eyes reddened slightly. He was looking at me with delight and sadness.0d8b15d96ab2c47f

He was f72cc3bf52 like that cf8d53a3dc even when b4b887856e he was c250b5acc5 younger, but d544506c0d as he 8a3f8bfb63 got older, 4a5ac668c8 he became 87c013735d more emotional.4bab6f2423ced2b3

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I patted him on 764966a720 the back a few 29bfe17250 times before taking out a150fb6a89 the leftover lasagna from 5c06eb58d0 yesterday.b0fde71703947a6e

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“Thanks to my dad, I’ve grown this much. I can even heat the lasagna by myself. I’m a fully grown adult.”9bb478ab17d58b81

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I put 115a49ea7a the cold 33b2719fa3 lasagna in 86343341a9 the mini a4c486906d oven and 0a73894d8d pressed the c793d1b0e7 button, a 01803f9f51 humming sound 4efcd96c92 echoed through b3a75555fb the kitchen.3b9164b565e3c275

My dad laughed at facda611db my joke.f11d1d962a0b3ddb

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“Yeah. Maybe you’ll bring your boyfriend here soon.”f22ab19139eda17c

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“…… What boyfriend?”7416d3c8f5d7b965

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“Why not? You’re an adult.”44d64539b40b8433

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Ever since I started high school, my dad has been trying to figure out the identity of my boyfriend, who doesn’t even exist.e5b5165a64806b12

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I glanced at him, 173fa40580 and he shrugged.554bacfe5dc45294

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“How are you with Mr. Smith’s son these days?”0c458a4f003ac4e0

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“…… Mr. Smith next door?”77510daa888a5693

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“Yes. Haven’t you been talking to him lately?”9104a8879494df45

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“You mean David?”a96dff9495f282df

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“You were with him in front of the garage yesterday. Didn’t he ask you out on a date?”2fc3814dfe7693c7

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What nonsense are you talking about so early in the morning…….?10a47add64796664

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“He just asked me something, and I answered.”3bd4097e4151e366

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“What did he ask?”ec93ae9a1b1e0264

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“Motorcycles. He asked me if I knew how to ride one. A friend of his has a new motorcycle, but the old one is in pretty good shape, so he’s thinking of selling it after replacing some parts. He said he’ll give it to me for a cheaper price if I’m interested.”6287320f922e2677

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Beep-beep – Beep-beep –7dc0556c4b1e0d57

The oven 33dc8fcc53 signaled that 71a1b3e00d it was 9f9c1afb5f done. Putting on the kitchen bdda448669 gloves, I took the ac0db6fb13 lasagna out and placed ebb8c578a9 it on the table.793c4ed77ba2616e

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Screech –11418b0d1cea6bbe

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As I pulled 56065538a7 out a chair 6cef7af72b and sat down, ae41c91074 my dad was 05b4cea333 staring at me 1a449dda38 with wide eyes.1a71ae760074673f

Afraid that 4479156faf his eyes 36e5b25b8c would pop 384da050b3 out, I 2b33dd7a41 quickly continued.11bd71da5dff37b0

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“Of course I declined. I still get nervous when I drive.”81662f4ce2cd9daa

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“……Sigh. Yi-seo, no. Haley. Motorcycles are a big no-no. Even my heart skips a beat when you drive. If you ride a motorcycle, I’m going to have a heart attack.”61051042abb4b686

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Exaggerated and a4938b0f33 pretending to d0f65eb17a wipe a 137734b4d6 cold sweat, 176b62f078 Dad got fc4e21c97b up.bf04fd3ba2cb46a1

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I thought he db93b72172 was going back 7eb78ce059 to sleep, but 77b78e8e32 he was walking 71871a1c22 toward the front 289ef7a0f4 door.c44e9a60a9330da3

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“Dad. Dad? Where are you going?”cbf94cddb6bd87ef

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“Oh, uh… Jogging.”7fdcc924dce06aaf

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“…… Didn’t you say you weren’t going?”11a9e46f8d855568

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“Just, uhm… getting some fresh air outside.”30e2789f183c38a4

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My dad was really a5cbcad6ba bad at lying. He wrinkled the bridge 25db055c3c of his nose awkwardly c87c46ee9e and waved his hand.6afc2e918be34ec8

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“I’ll be back. Oh, and I have some new songs on the USB. It’s on the table there, take it.”a4c3599932825f3a

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“Okay.”5b8f875eafd2da33

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Motorcycle, motorcycle, David, I didn’t see he’s like that…….54d97dad8da66632

Dad’s murmur faded away. Silence fell throughout the house after the front door opened and closed.75e66f90876d492e

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I found f6a8347c05 the USB da136b30fd on the 8bcb87d4a5 kitchen table b77ccfff56 and shoved 8c3c8ba6e6 it into 0bb19af0a2 my pocket.55a6fd4aabdaa4df

It has been a 228afa631f regular occurrence between me a8327aef81 and my dad ever 2cc753a96f since I got my e1e11be901 license.f5f1794bb12deef4

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My dad personally selects 492737226e the music and puts 6ddac988e9 it on a USB 20469349d5 for me, who doesn’t c2796fab38 prefer the radio.fb6f857ff03dcbc2

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“…… He’s not going to beat David at this hour, is he?”10cf8a582b53eafb

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I muttered ad49957568 to myself, 44f995770f dispelling the beb7b7748a silence, and a2c4a680fe picked up a13b9dffe2 my fork. As I cut up 89ea9dde66 the well-heated lasagna and 55baf08db2 put it in my 742f9f7095 mouth, a wave of ccc27610fd fatigue set in.663be1790e89e607

‘…… I don’t feel like going to school today.’62dfdb762503a9a2

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I sighed 68f43f117b at the 071c03cf12 feeling of 0c6db4796c depression and f98a91886e lethargy that 3157603c0c came out ec8bfa7f78 of nowhere.d7823e3d4e7741ad

After a few edfafd7032 bites, I pushed da8e52db40 the remaining lasagna 71b6ac7b16 aside and stood c2b93806ed up.008ec4c1ff8d317d

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I remembered what f75086870a the doctor had 597128ad72 told me to 0b7552109a do what I 74eec468ad had to do 8c0ac34b15 even if I 4db68b9f03 felt limp and 773f2fd613 depressed.810ce7d25e16e271

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“…… Let’s go. You’ve got to go to school.”ad8af9c8555b0077

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I ran b87b463a0a my hand 9292654efb through my 7d0ff56786 still-damp hair 9804828e51 and went 0fa2d90427 up to 588b6c3e6c my room.ab52d4f44fbd243a

It was b6c3d834c6 the beginning 8e14f786a1 of another 1f9198dc24 dreary day.124ef13ea1edcec0

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I barely eba86489b7 remember ‘that 7c00382b98 day’.f0d9de9b1723f0db

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So……. It’s been 11 years since the day I pushed away the male protagonist of the original story.fbbc7f04832b44f7

For 11 8efbc12d57 years, I 997eb02b1f cried a d76ee1492f lot, went feba74f114 on pointless b2545da067 hunger strikes, 537dc82e0b and was 26d78c35f2 admitted to c8dfb3f070 a sleep 76d7d9614d center for 459be53354 severe insomnia.decf943ffeac9c91

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It took b3a32fd436 one year da7732aaf6 to get b3c84e602c out of 5e2101cae5 the room. Another year to 0eeb518863 get out of b53f07c5b2 the house. It took two 015f4dad5a years to get 3f5c32aa1e out on the 12a039da1b busy street.f8a792d387e483ff

It must 785d519c79 be frustrating fdef9d8041 to have a2e5e8a18f a daughter 5dee4cf8fe who was 812bb860e0 struggling every 8ad5b7e52b day.1afd17a435e830b1

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Yet my parents never f0ef9f619a rushed me and waited 88c12ea45b for me to stand 70b78418d7 up on my own.57229acf21ede2b1

So, 11 years went by. In the meantime, I turned seventeen and changed my name from “Sophia Kang” to “Haley Baek.”848b2f1e708e27ec

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For the record, the surname ‘Baek’ was my mother’s last name.f9bb77b0b2eddd35

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‘I never thought about it. My dad recommended it to me first…….’f08876ed3d7902d7

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The next thing 8c09554306 I did after bca01cf927 changing my name 925197adca was move.c64cdf2192bd4ec0

Richard, the director of c5d9d5b66d the Ohio Center, provided be3b91782d us with a home b3a041dcfe at his own expense, 3b49419ae7 and we moved in 4c50a58713 when he firmly said e6e7bec670 he wouldn’t take ‘no’for an answer.8c92d021958c5229

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<…… Miss Sophia, as an adult, I should have noticed the danger and discouraged you when you tried guiding. But I didn’t……. I got greedy. It was the adults’ fault, and it was only right that I take responsibility. >aa953ac25e2207d1

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One day, two 4dc7346168 years after the 72b703c007 accident.c1425a3df9b4dfcf

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Richard came cd9efdc560 to my 062c0bdaed house, looking c0f3958db9 haggard, and b837a998df bowed his 7375c791d6 head to b8e586e433 me in 3d68f7dc31 apology.75d553a64db791cc

He told us 220ac86876 he had decided 607b6f6cd4 to step down a042cbeaf3 from his position 8c2027a725 as the center cd23406fb6 director, which he 1cb1d1217d had worked so 4cb783100d hard to protect, 41a920a714 and left saying 9d382fbb3b that since he 851ca55874 was no longer 12d2093564 the director, we 70aee8ee6e should not feel 66a8918558 burdened and contact c8648cdaf3 him anytime we 119e89b834 needed help.060c5d75ef794cc5

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After that, 3e140be572 Richard helped 042d5991f6 my family 1e72953c96 settle into 3f4c66eb8e a new df707b96c4 place, and 4f080f05bc I was 22ee3d4a28 able to f35eab0a91 live a 7409e7e27e normal life 713ae06fbb under a de77f100fe new identity 7d3b402590 in a 95133b5ac0 safer neighborhood.4cd60de0b40fc983

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“Haley! Are you going to school early today?”8e84bddc3225dec2

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I walked out d8b9460897 the front door 002a5e4ace with my bag 6cff4368d4 slung over one f744d48d42 shoulder. As I d947e5b461 headed to 8a06cdf55f the garage, 1031526e4c David, the 85f1a88245 neighbor next d7f084029c door, put dcf6157b50 his arm 97ce2549e6 on the 9d8ea9e141 wall and 20e535680a called out 9d519e6034 to me.911a9e78a403e8b8

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“Hi, David. I woke up early today. Looks like it might rain soon, so I’m heading out before then.”12d2ea57ce3c4cc1

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“Oh, come to think of it, it’s cloudy.”93a1269623a13c9d

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“Aren’t you going to school today?”11a505bffc52c5c2

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I opened the car door and threw my bag into the passenger seat. I gestured with my chin at David’s outfit before getting into the car.e5ab1cf8e787c3d9

He was still wearing abac1f552a his wrinkled pajama cotton 8226eea2e0 T-shirt. Beneath it was his 2d4e9a7841 light blue pajama pants.73b35110db367b3e

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David shrugged at c1ac0b4b06 the sight of 9ef47eb232 his outfit.3b9be40b5f4e6a28

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“I’m going in late today.”e72d164fde6ea235

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“Are you going to skip class?”7fc27983d949b443

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“I’ll just write a reflection paper or something.”960b4e8507065c69

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David’s school had lax rules, unlike mine. Even if he said that, he probably wouldn’t write a reflection paper for skipping a class.ed68c0b3fded8933

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“Haley, do you want to hang out with me? I know a great fishing spot.”ae4fbe5c8e23afab

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“I don’t want to write a reflection paper.”2fcf7cb96c2ee5d4

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The school I went 2bf71caf30 to required us to cb2eaffc8e write one.ce72aaadf7b4f512