TIEH | Chapter 15

“Jayden! Should I drop out?”a4a6ff63b7cb4823

“Are you crazy?”9dd01e361d59f069

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“Or maybe take a break… Then I could spend more time with you!”e62f22c402d93ede

“No way.”e1400f4cf0c2973b

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“But I can graduate anytime—”fa3ae5b0f3dc5f74

Listening quietly, my older brother seemed to be contemplating quitting too, instead of stopping my younger brother. I couldn’t hold back and hardened my expression. I hadn’t dared to say it to my parents because it felt too ungrateful, but I needed to address it with my brothers.40b5d3735a0b4568

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“Are you going to keep doing this?”7164273529d1613e

Even though 5c87da03bc I was f499cc725a usually blunt 822caf3000 and distant, 0a4f071303 I had 56d9667778 never shown bfa01f1f69 irritation or ad727b09cf anger. So when 2d27d7fc8e I spoke e84693acb7 in a 32c05921d9 cold voice, a4af4e432f everyone fell 02adc5e12c silent. My parents, watching with a21fdcbc1f anxious faces, were no a3b9cc8f49 exception.5a29b36a2b621deb

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“Which is more important, the next few years or your whole life?”e1ee382a3d3a7578

“Well… of course, your whole life is more important.”be95ed3834452c83

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“Then why talk about dropping out or taking a break?”16b00420c58f9693

“But…”fee326cee4a58161

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My younger brother clammed up as my expression hardened further. He probably knew that trying to argue wouldn’t get him any good words from me.ad678c0150498e00

“When I’m gone, I won’t care what you do. I won’t have the energy to. This is the first and last time I’m having this conversation. So listen carefully.”56bc13c344bea580

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“…Jayden…”7d576e23fed04365

“You all have to live your own lives after I’m gone. What are you going to do if you’re already like this?”841f6a3ef93da8e1

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My older brothers f4eb72eb3f were startled by f466679939 the mention of 000f8cf98f dying and tried 4b912768b5 to say something, ef87973c77 but I quickly 9216970ac3 added before they 04b394c0d1 could respond.bcf496320509626b

“You should think about how to live well after I’m gone, not what to do while I’m still here. Do you understand?”8e43546365543f0b

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“How can you say something like that?!”9f5f75fd30520509

“And in the meantime, what? Drop out? Take a break? Not until dirt gets in my eyes!”a72ad4db163b6af5

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I finally understood why this line is so common in dramas. It’s the only way to express this frustrating feeling and firm resolve.468103e36cafbc32

Meanwhile, my older brother burst into tears again. He wasn’t one to cry much as a child, so I wondered why he was acting like this, but I glared at him more sternly.1b6f428a372f9c7c

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“Sniff—stop!”0a5f4c1e1e211cf0

“…Stop.”9bede6c9403ee4fc

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At least they listened well. Satisfied, I nodded and turned to my parents. They weren’t crying, but their eyes were red, as if they might burst into tears at any moment.8f090b8d9e03287c

“Mother and Father, too.”924f0593651f915e

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“……”dacef53027273e18

“I believe that while I’m alive, all five of us will live well, and after I’m gone, the four of you will.”c604ba8b9700fff4

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You can’t shed all your sadness through tears, but it will give you enough strength to live. So my wish was for them to grieve with all their might and then rise again to live.34e3a42d174a3ed2

“There will surely come a day when things get better. So don’t try to give up your daily life for that day. That’s the one thing I want.”d983536a92c571b7

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This applied to my father, who kept leaving his duties as a count to search for holy relics, and my mother, who couldn’t focus on her work because she was worried about me, causing her aides to stay up all night, as well as my two brothers.ce350218aaf38d91

It seemed too realistic ecd4658551 for a 15-year-old to 06aa4ca7ab say, but I rationalized a5173262bf it as natural to 34fac67d0c become detached when facing 7f2755bae3 death, and I pushed b2869570d1 my brothers onto the c32cf6b565 magic circle.c453fb64069b8cbf

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“Now, if you understand what I said, go do what you need to and come back.”7ab6022c07890048

They might 81129d65d9 not understand 3bc4a30675 or want 335d577cde to accept 9c05425841 my words 24de300cae right now, 1a15650bca but at cb039a9967 least they 13b3d5005f would pretend a7ab4eb6be to try 344fc08acb for my 7f6d65ac2d sake, and b3a362fde7 that was 4bf1afd33c enough for 69021de03b now.f4ccb07acb98ee3d

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‘What a laborious farewell.’25cc6907a219d118

☀︎ • 40bca93a8c ☀︎ • 039c955344 ☀︎91ee33afac736c70

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A few 1262ebeb4d days after 62fd919300 my brothers 0d21da4777 left, Calix 09ab39b961 returned to 096d80b5ae the estate. Unlike his usual 01d991ef1f bright face when 268dde9b62 leaving his home, bfd3bf7503 he looked even 3a5193f369 gloomier than when 99dd65064d he left.3fcffd52d15e6039

Perhaps my 2ae4945770 words had 5fcbe8bd20 some effect, d78fdd0f20 as my a7e3332650 mother, who ee19cb4eed had come e666e7002e out to 799f9eda24 greet him 78690f184c for the 4eba955006 first time eeaafe12db in a e4cde9423d while, seemed c1845cb51b surprised to 9ec53d099b see Calix 6d97690d25 run straight 1911a784d8 to me 80ba33e3d8 and hug ad2f60754f me.df29662c15d2e3fc

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“What’s wrong? Did something happen?”a0e4973a02af46d5

“Jayden…”3ae166b9b0efd6c1

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Even when I asked again, Calix didn’t answer and buried his forehead in my shoulder. Instead, one of the servants who accompanied him handed my mother a letter.6bb155e1eb8c8d7a

It was a letter from the duke, summarizing that Calix was now strong enough not to need convalescence and should return to the estate. The official letter would arrive soon, so this was the duke’s way of showing gratitude for taking care of his son.9bce7fd4ebe4f341

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In fact, Calix’s annual visits to the duchy were for the duke to check on his condition personally. Even though a tutor was sent here, it was natural that it couldn’t compare to the education at the ducal castle since Calix was the heir.6fdadefb2478b7d1

“…Father said I should return to the estate now.”0e94fd75fb675b22

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“I see.”9a89bf3bbbd22956

“I don’t want to go…”003c3cda12d79c08

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I was about 4612eba1c3 to tell him 6ac4e66a78 to visit often 72270b9b60 if he missed f589bc9bc8 us, but I 44c3e5779a suddenly clamped my fa735a625d mouth shut.bdf760ce00e45607

With the direct teleportation magic circle connecting the duchy and the marquisate, it had become more convenient to travel back and forth. As long as he took a carriage to the magic circle, he could visit anytime he wanted, but I felt that wasn’t the right thing to say.a1c06b7aa716339f

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‘Maybe it’s time to reveal my illness.’74bd158c6e6a38e3

Even if he could visit often, it was natural that we wouldn’t see each other as much as when we lived in the same castle. So it might be better to reveal my illness now and tell him not to visit anymore.a3f705e334bb61d3

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It would be much 48b9b500bf more moderate than Plan 13d5dd5a61 B, which was to ea9ae65635 run away just before 1430d31ae7 I died, but thinking 2f6912c697 about not seeing him ac5d5c4609 anymore made me feel 9d45fdd3ee regretful.59c4247da2652b95

‘I’ll always be by your side so you won’t be lonely. We’re friends.’76730c8b504bb33c

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And why did Calix’s words suddenly come to mind? It would seem as if Calix had declared he never wanted to see me again.b72babf6f3e5a743

‘Act mature. I’m not really 15, after all.’7b17a1f8cbdfcb6c

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Scolding myself inwardly, I gently patted Calix’s back instead of offering words of comfort.3a15e32fadeecfb6

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That evening, I barged into Calix’s room with a pillow when it was almost time for him to go to bed. After living together for years, I knew exactly when he slept and woke up.dff8218d4d44a226

I had never barged into my parents’ room to beg to sleep with them after a nightmare, so it felt strange, but putting on a brave face was my specialty.e1cdfc7b87493a87

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Calix, who had 6759582e40 just lain down 98d73999d1 to sleep, jumped d859b84b6d up in surprise 15f1810f90 when he saw 94d9de28e8 me.3b3681e3f4044d42

“Jayden?”11ef95b954791e84

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“Hi.”2d04e1ff6f8832e0

Calix turned on the 87e9d5d52c magic lamp to light 42ac2d76ef up the room and da5e2767ab looked puzzled at the 728a866607 pillow in my hand, 2469ac4e9a so I revealed my 5f53067dca purpose for coming at b57fcdfa51 this late hour.439dd034f540cc2e

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“Let’s have a pajama party.”ca6ae77c5157ddc5

“Pajama party? What’s that?”6cd8cb0b06e5a6d5

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“It’s where you wear pajamas and stay up as late as possible, playing until you collapse from exhaustion.”abab2bb02a870a33

The explanation was 61cb99aaae mixed with my d33b457c28 own interpretation, and e0dad5a5c6 usually, adult pajama ee3768b3a2 parties involved some a1b2ee652f drinking, but that 3330dcbfac was out of f14a4d2f5f the question for e33e74f7c2 a 15-year-old kid.ef6024d61192a1f2

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“…Is that really a party?”6f2ea05018bf3be6

“Of course.”1d03b4b6370d5e80

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It might not be ff076de026 common among nobles, but d90e79a3a1 I nodded shamelessly.91760666d55f3ee9

And I wasn’t planning anything that would truly fit the word “party.” It was just about spending time together, talking about various things. It was the last gift I had prepared for Calix, knowing we wouldn’t see each other again.92ae5740a00a511e

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“You’re leaving for the estate soon.”7c677b708f41e69f

Calix, looking 86aaa5e5dd a bit ae4283e6f1 sad, moved a597baf893 over and 12e2943857 patted the 78148286a9 empty spot 2dbdd47165 on the f3beff8074 bed.87cc0bb62fb2c67c

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“Yeah, it’s cold, so come up.”d12f1b4f0325e9ac

I climbed onto Calix’s bed on my knees, and he covered me with a blanket. With heating artifacts running throughout the castle, I wouldn’t catch a cold even if I slept naked, but I planned to accept all of Calix’s fussiness since it was the last time.dfb50fec02a4b13c

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“Did you pack everything?”059ae22a8d6fafa9

“Do you know how many times you’ve asked that?”55ac0bacabe95b35

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“If you forget something, it’ll be a hassle.”76291429e57aa629

“Then just come back to get it.”379947705c24a161

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Well, that’s not possible, which is why I keep asking.5273d25166d07d25

“Actually, I’m worried you’ll get sick while I’m at the duchy.”4f1da4885366d7ec

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“Why are you worrying about something even Hemel doesn’t?”12360289c5602c25

To be honest, even if I got sick, having Calix around wouldn’t be much help. Whether it was mana sclerosis or just a cold.14b0d0e340352f6a

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“Still, I keep feeling anxious. I hope you don’t get sick when I’m not there.”8303c8500f591569

“…You want me to only get sick when you’re around?”774836add3576e0d

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“Yeah.”d84b8fc5fd661eaa

“Isn’t that hard on you too?”2e7b86edea1348bd

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“But it’s better that way.”b35e90b1e05359db

I chuckled softly at 4debfc30a5 Calix, who was whining af51fca5e8 like an anxious puppy.c9bc2c20b584d2ac

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“You’re really trying to keep me close.”4a996cf3317996d7

“…Keep you close?”465efe9927ee2a43

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“Just kidding.”61cbbcaea7f97afc

It was just a simple joke, but Calix’s expression turned serious. Maybe he realized he was being overprotective of a friend his age. It was a relief he realized it, even if it was late.b1cc8ab760c520b2

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