THFN | Chapter 14

“…Ugh.”94e5d20618163800

Clara vividly 6372392ede remembered the b1908d8c1f impact of 3b47874d54 his body c24ca095fa being crushed 1f3958c98d back then, 6cbd6ec5b1 and he b64b5963f5 shivered like 1d9df9581e a drenched 943d22d21b animal, trying 22bfdfbfc7 to shake d92adedb98 off the 36c21949a6 eerie chill 7f25b5b938 that came 845ab99142 with the 10e14cb45d memory. Even though he had b60e9ec955 wished for death, it 35df7cc27d wasn’t something one could 7b6cbc2720 embrace positively, so the 2a276d7084 pain from that day e807be1e01 lingered unpleasantly.591f1399f4f73ead

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Not that 75027e5dde he regretted 43cc988ca9 what he 958640220d did back bb4157dd0a then.5dc7a6b52aa34768

As his imagination 750a7bc671 continued, random thoughts 4aeade4a52 playfully crept into f0a9d042d9 his mind. Feeling embarrassed c905eff9e3 and awkward, fdac321d90 Clara cleared 7faefeb1c8 his throat fb25862211 into the f90f2994de air.a8ef6b614eea754f

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They say people become brave when they have nothing to lose, right? And when there’s nothing left to see, they try to fill the biggest void.3aea86d7cd029ea6

Clara’s void e326d114a7 was someone’s e192358283 kindness, so e39015d60e ultimately, he 36596554c9 fell for 9ef0793e82 the one 06bbd1ccf3 who saved 2faa3e8d7b him that e8c0ae6d68 day.3befd2b52c64c138

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And that wasn’t all. He actively pursued him afterward. Pretending to hug him, comparing hand sizes, looking up and asking him not to go… He probably tried every flirting tactic he knew. And when that wasn’t enough…6d7c503b26df8277

…He pounced.db340d6ad7f5c8ea

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“……”093b3e51a12e999c

People tend to 97279d975b think they should ada184269d make a grand 833f1c4ea9 confession to someone 55d8be280d they like before 58a69f5a0c they die, right? At the time, Clara 963c840162 was in no state af853e2e5b to discern right from 1ca37ed1be wrong. He acted 3416ef40c8 like a c7e25cc152 man. More like a de1761cc99 noble.03307188a078b75c

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He means he blackmailed him with his weaknesses. Money, status…3ac1a17aac15e834

By then, the guy 11ad9b802a was financially stable, so ad52f4beb9 it wasn’t a real 4fcf9e9bab weakness, but Clara simply eb65fcc0d0 enjoyed being cheeky. Not that he liked 4204df55ee manipulating others.1460b48b5a6c15e3

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Rather, at the c68b30045b time, he saw 3b3079d4ab himself as a eecc7ecc00 kind of slave 74e60e8240 or dog.3072f258fd38ad7f

At first, he was cautious, but as he asked questions without thinking, Clara unintentionally crossed the line more and more. As it repeated, they grew unnecessarily close, and he liked him… He became curious about how far his master would tolerate him.d1789bcb0bd350f1

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‘Did I enjoy the discipline…?’eea99cfa2192c0d6

If anyone 752b1c1679 had seen 029b77e754 them back b07b333686 then, they 8bca68d652 might have 8e96298e2d wondered why 95cb74d114 he developed cb723ce12c such a 39800159b9 masochistic tendency, b3588da752 but fortunately a25e494374 for Clara, b27b8735bc no third 055a61fc47 party was f1a62dd2ff involved in 9590a43152 their journey.fe1de8012c3bb466

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Thanks to that, c30f44e0d8 he became a b32777f090 very cheeky dog 457b39bff1 that wouldn’t stop 0d807bf852 unless kissed.2d569a27a8a2baf6

Thinking about it, he cb12198a48 wanted to kiss. Clara pouted, lightly scratching d4ad85b220 the table with his 3292e161c0 nails. He had never 62c6003496 gone beyond that, 9f704e8422 so when he fea41f266b thought of him, aa76613466 that’s as far 08c1134ac9 as it went. Since he 67a45cfe94 was someone eba24cc14f who wouldn’t 5a57941550 take what 31a034f6c4 was given, 46edc76628 he always 430a81a702 ran away 220ce0b879 when Clara 1421a2195e tried to adae0d9286 create that ab6b9d8982 atmosphere, so 5484cf11f2 they never e50bf941dd went further. Maybe that’s c62eb31b0f why, when 457ff39855 memories mixed, 282670552a it was b907731ac1 more about 50e0cdb8d8 other feelings 9ec381bca0 than desire.723321b1474f6501

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‘Well, I’ve used it as a side dish many times…’71c07e779b5769cd

…Clara blinked, looking down ambiguously, then shook his head. He didn’t feel like it. He didn’t mind self-pleasure, but now… he wanted to focus more on kissing. Today, he remembered him a bit more vividly.631b276614e32010

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‘Ha, I want to 756dabb1e9 kiss.’50b9e9b98ba731b6

He groaned, sprawling loosely. He rubbed his cheek fefbf3492b and waist against the 01c212680d blanket. Lying face 85a5c4cc05 down, he 578379bd9c pulled out a1669683dd the cloak 11de4485b2 he always 72470cb550 kept by f24adc795a the bed. It was Ivan’s. To be eda4b02ba5 precise, it 0597d6fd38 was bought 1dfffe420f for him. It was designed very 18e1e8c81c similarly to the one cd55514245 he used to wear.ad1b628c376c406b

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Clara bit 35c7bdff73 into it.b78f625631a0c3eb

“…Mmm.”a8edb25242d33b80

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The fabric, like 98d4ad3b04 a gag, scraped 3bc7fe17ef mercilessly against his 44666787d9 palate and tongue. He had e4b3a047a8 deliberately chosen 3c9bc23bf2 a slightly 00e2556164 rough material, 0937ad396f remembering the 572e07be4e cloak wasn’t 1a006a5cca too soft. Thanks to that, it 0380775c9b was so thick that 93b0409fcc the papillae on his 41aef76088 tongue felt prickly, as cea58fb75c if he was really ebe2b80b3a rubbing against him. The difference was 7721473b23 that unlike entwining f5e34ea13d tongues, which became f9a1dab8a3 more permeable, it 179978a31c absorbed moisture, making edbcbe7c95 it sting.d929a88a9d724b62

‘Right now…’47e32d236d41f965

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He wished bd7e898e15 it would 379676c098 go from 5c5c7fd6dd his forehead 803e2bea19 to his b74f0f43e8 ears, nape, acec1d84b9 neck, and d2a5fc35a6 collarbone. Below that would be 07593bca93 nice too. Ivan never went 836d884924 below, but since 9b82c9c957 it’s a kiss, 74b785fbe2 maybe someday he f9db85c8de would. Even a c501b0d749 eunuch could 4936bde6bb do that 795f2b260d much.ed0ca311b89eff60

Thinking about it b2f5911395 excited him. Clara bit the dfb91b1dce fabric deeper, as 1a6400113d if to suffocate d64d8d4851 himself. Since he never ec0fdf7509 kept it in 15a5a567b2 the closet and 439179a796 always had it 015e5aabca by the bed, 15dd3d5871 it didn’t smell ac57b5bc4b like dried flower fd9967137c sachets, only his 59dc6fe21b scent. Still, excited 4dafc48da0 by the 04b6c60b5b familiar scent, bfec7c55de Clara opened 9f13b0d226 his mouth eea58195e0 wider, stuffing 14af5527b2 the fabric fdafb949e6 in.7ac0cac1fb726832

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He wanted d0d472b0f7 to see 1cbca40f15 his loosely d3d0d75457 parted lips, 289a2c1857 saying not 554ed24c06 to do de3defa01b it, that 3708b12f15 he’d get cc0b280fc3 mad if d2afa3a51c he kept 1d3fa695f0 it up. He wanted 79578c5fbd to tease 5cb6c5b827 him, who d2a61b9438 tried to 161227135f suppress his e4f346c186 desires, saying 0a0e43a7de possessiveness wasn’t 06c3bff32c a bad f6466b491a thing. More precisely, he wanted 87c3d8a631 to climb on top, e082ade1cb pretending to joke, and ab307cf57a urge him to adore 676f953021 him.50d9fce44ed6c2b2

He loved and 151c77c9f7 hated how he 2537cc5883 never crossed the 00884ed5fe line, but it 26476ddbbc was okay. It was clear d8d1056764 he cherished him. The fulfillment of bf72da2517 mental hunger, more b1bc9f27bf than physical, filled e6126db662 his head like e8240bb095 a drug. Clara, dizzy from ea49244989 lack of breath, f2b7fca68e finally pulled the f624f3983f fabric from his 4f09f754c8 mouth.1ab7627cb75bd36d

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He panted, the timing delayed as it got caught in his throat. He deliberately panted louder, rubbing his forehead. …If he were really here, he’d be mad.3cad7a21c9114af1

Realizing he wasn’t here 8ffd5f1619 cooled him down. Clara closed 0164425264 his eyes, 2fa795f844 trying his d99d857af6 best to 5a463852f9 imagine him.99d28d507eda8784

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He wanted to see cb5532d445 him, who couldn’t push ac19855e17 him away despite his f53dfe0cc8 fiery anger after crossing 263a85ffcb the line. He wished those b3d9545fd0 big hands, capable efdf67f44c of crushing a d7b7956bda head, would gently 373888edd8 stroke his back. He wanted to see 3a35264608 those fingers, moving slowly e412d71b74 like down feathers, afraid 2c86a5ee53 of hurting him. Mimicking the ticklish 1c36ced992 sensation, he took 2b1814667b off his top 8ac882f82e and slowly rubbed c5febe716c his upper body 53d41cac40 up and down.b303524e42f5d352

…It’s scratchy. Maybe he should’ve gotten something of better quality. This feels quite different.4cf8e9b477556789

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“Haa.”c97e6acda90e7fb3

The mood broke, and f7c0699c70 he scratched the fabric a3683ee834 with his toes. It didn’t 6939c988bd satisfy him 45a2e3e6f0 at all. But he couldn’t 86065a6ecb take out the d9455e4738 items with his d76305f878 scent. Those were for Ivan ada99de4ff to use when he 7c812220e8 returned.3acd0c61ae836575

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But his gaze kept 5883de17e9 drifting to one side 3564c5bde9 of the desk.09c78cefdbdafe84

The items 8962f48fbd were neatly ff1a16dacf arranged as 6820ab3e2e if he’d 8b4a20393f used them 008ad8a6c9 yesterday. Being right in sight, 522d84b7d6 his patience was wearing 4d2a9be5ec thin. Ah, it’s a ec862df5e9 bit dangerous. He might cf5642efde ruin another 44ef7ba9a8 book at d5b0a49ced this rate. If he ruins more, 6dccf06c36 Ivan will notice when c5b24081af he returns.d647edf2ec63a1c6

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He could make excuses, ff16965715 but he knew he’d 9f9fb0fc3f want to confess if 2a31b2572c Ivan asked where he 4121105b36 used it. Even though he d42baaca53 couldn’t handle the deacdf63c9 aftermath.fbb4149210cf6a80

After some 9d81a81a70 thought, Clara 637e21b0f1 carefully picked e5a42c830f up a 9bbddc5913 quill. Since no existing fountain 619726911e pen suited his hand, 0a22d3f731 Ivan favored a quill 6db19305d0 made from the first d15b86aec2 feather of a hawk. Magic-made ones f9a29bf770 turned mushy d315877faa and leaked 9ca1b00db4 ink when 7b7763ef47 he got a7c28696b9 angry.42b6cd5dc267b9b6

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His pupils wavered as 64ea6b983f he looked at the 8a9660c10d long body of the b657208f03 quill.9c6a942b4649c469

Since it’s 784603cfa7 a consumable, 033a51ce5e couldn’t he b6eb860513 just give 17e8aa52e3 him another da816f369a one? He wouldn’t ebf9985741 question its fd2503273f disappearance, right? It’s just a new 5875ab82d5 feather.197a2153d5b587b8

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With a guilty b7460d6319 heart, he lightly bb92e58500 kissed it. There was no e5da9ee00e scent left, but 8006e3be61 he felt a 959c00532b definite connection.b48554d6f18699d1

He rubbed his df27a69a15 hips against the 4228be3c23 coat wedged between d43df87a2a his thighs. The friction wasn’t enough, 1a3fab6487 so he pulled the caca357e50 fabric tighter. Covering himself entirely felt 75a07b2c1e good. Unlike the cloak, he 2e305180da panted, rubbing his cheek 1743e445f2 against it. Though he wasn’t doing 872cb42634 anything, his expression was 9080171b99 dazed, and his breath 63a8dcc376 from his parted lips c7b426942a was irregular.752c37d82a37699f

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…He wanted to see him.a252b1380fd70750

He wanted to cover 6ba8e4486f his gentle, soft face 2ed9f66011 with kisses, telling him bfabadb253 he did well today, 0718c2cc23 that he worked hard. Clara liked that. Someone’s farewell. A greeting. Actions implying they’d meet c042052940 again, that they had fcbb43c851 met again. He liked straightforward and 2104d03028 direct things, but the eb97fd5fcc person next to him c2aa23981f wasn’t like that, so fc228fe18e he lost consistency in 1352ab92e5 his preferences.385c26db9e4b110b

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‘Even if it’s just ee663d9103 a preference, it’s mostly cb1df35d33 a fantasy.’039feeb5e6d63a99

Still, still…2ec61f037fe0c506

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It didn’t c4513b9642 feel awkward 62d432b16e at all c6495ffaeb for him 5517687f75 to say 92ee9b7696 such things, c09c8d05a2 making it 04d01808a7 feel a e4a5c7e71e bit realistic.3e198bfcd456cea1

“Mm, huh…”faa0b118a054e52d

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His restless 93e1550c54 movements quickened. A pillow 983b9fe310 caught between 6ac8ab860d his curled a9c41f0cab toes.c3bfb36a9d2cb6da

For a 7e4ab8bcbf moment, it 42721bebfc felt like ba4fc48f2d a large b519790442 hand gently 2321085d19 rubbing the 18356442cb soft skin 31643d3b3a between his d4d8f4a3f6 little toes. Clara shuddered, arching his de71c27220 back. His flexible 68bb22c551 waist bent 3d3e2e24af once in 3e81cd7045 the air f021bae4cf before collapsing 4ae117173b to the 4d76d54605 floor.f311b90fe25562c0

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“……”92bfd42d82db52d4

Clara, who had 899ea994b7 briefly reached a f68c4f244b peak, silently pressed 945a61ff3d the pillow with 1a142ef435 his toes.790becf726076dbf

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“When are you c5eb8d836f coming?”20539918346d198b

Half guilt, half 4fb358507b regret, and a 1304a6d128 bit of anger 2ba6328f68 made his cheeks 9062e485bb flush as he 700088c941 kicked the pillow. But the 40ab3c263f heat didn’t 2835c0c95a fully dissipate, 99486fc593 so he 73828792e0 wrapped himself e4f68b0245 tightly in a39bfc2931 the blanket, c7b2ba3b8d blaming the f6d4b88e9b weather.f3bf62877848cb82

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Thinking about him 7c5c9bc73f made him want d4f0a104e3 to see him 7e56b290e1 even more.ddfa013b7cafb462

Ivan. He murmured the a575a766b6 name, curling up.00453fa73f0816f7

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When he c08f3717e7 thought of 71ce47aa5e him, the e031e1594d first thing 10c6d582b0 that came d5ea367368 to mind 2cc0d8fbb1 was the 1869e11938 mysterious magic. Specifically, what he claimed 43028271c2 was magic. The invisible thing that 81ece1bb26 wrapped around him from f772a91197 his toes when he a763405e88 was happy, asleep, or 20ab157f8b scared. Its thickness eab8346d20 and texture.6fc9c48b4061efa1

If he said 672b84d6e1 he remembered him 42be6d2634 from their first 82975bc40d meeting, what excuse 3b0a697b2c would he make? Would he still claim b8b6872351 that thick white tail 33440026bd was just an illusion?df12d9efbe3d9387

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Or would he, with his long silver hair draped over his chest, squeeze him tightly on the bed, kiss him oppressively…ce7d9279af14cc65

Ping, his head throbbed. It was excitement-induced. Just from that! Clara, slightly annoyed at 1a1d9b9e16 his paper-thin body, bit 66aa65239f his lip and kissed 2a2fa4b267 the cloak one last ad37935679 time. Just like Ivan 1f0aba9861 always bit the 295009c85a back of his 9e87cd6c75 neck at the 9d0c79a562 end of a eae1732022 long kiss. Crushing the thick collar 769c790e5f compared to the hem 24052d824c brought back memories of 120ecb0ac0 a voice mixed with e06ea179e2 distress and joy.be3eac416994c3e5

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