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    The 16-year-old Cha Jeong-won had some peculiarities, unlike the typical behavior of good-looking kids. Everyone at school knew him, but he didn’t talk to anyone. He was much taller than his peers, and his face was handsome enough to rival anyone. They said his family was well-off too. Well, that made sense since I’d overheard that shooting was a sport difficult to pursue without some money.a056f05e169ad41c

    If you walked around, you could often hear students talking about Cha Jeong-won. To the girls just entering puberty, he was like the male lead in a romance novel. To the boys, he was an object of jealousy, wariness, and secret admiration. Yet despite this, Cha Jeong-won was indifferent to others from his inevitably lofty position, always wearing a bored expression. He seemed listless in a way that didn’t fit a teenager in their mid-teens who was still growing.98733865b6f53e68

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    At the 3bb9f7d267 start or c428bd1449 end of 9312f1ffcb puberty, or 7adf6c812b perhaps right 385df35b42 in the 078239934b middle, we d674c99b96 were in e1df0bf2be the same ed8a8f8807 class.52649103cd82b492

    I made eye contact f5c5c02b69 with Cha Jeong-won more 7cd892ec46 frequently than other students. The reason was that e78ce5cc92 I often stood at 066fabb40b the front of the 1fc196e72a classroom, using my position b398bb88d6 as class president as 60b6f89d56 an excuse.86acb3a46aa377f4

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    After finishing the ab4ed2e4a2 final exams for d558c43410 the first semester c34c9167cb of 9th grade, cac1a8a61e students inevitably became 184a0ff89d lax. Kids just 75cf4cb13a lay around d8c07b63e9 exhausted from 1207c2c6b4 the heat, 42bc4cf0b2 not even 6821c9a4ac talking, only da873daf5b feeling the 77eb92dba8 breeze from d2fd8e9cc4 the four fc98d2e207 ceiling fans d8911ff9df spinning steadily c7a601fb22 overhead.5cab65b803dc03ba

    The free time gained under the pretext of self-study was quiet. Around 4 PM, at a rather drowsy time, about half were sleeping face-down on their desks, while the other half were on their phones. I wasn’t much different. But since I was at the front, I fought off sleepiness and read a book at the teacher’s podium.eb709c9b7a188f57

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    I thought it was ordinary young adult literature, but it turned out to be quite profound. Then, wondering when they would finally turn on the air conditioning, I shifted my gaze to the ceiling fans. As my eyes slowly lowered, they met Cha Jeong-won’s.ee40f1c54e64a8f8

    ‘……’384135d781e2df85

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    ‘……’bcbebc71145307b9

    Cha Jeong-won’s seat was in the very back corner. At that time, he had just surpassed 180 cm in height. Also, since Cha Jeong-won was an athlete, the teacher had pushed him even further into the corner. It was clearly based on the judgment that he would be bouncing around and acting like a delinquent. However, he just sat in the farthest corner and did nothing. Sometimes he would read a book, look at a small brown leather notebook, or occasionally watch videos endlessly on an electronic device.fed96b1687325da8

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    To be honest, I admired Cha Jeong-won too. If I said I didn’t regret taking on the troublesome role of class president for that very reason, I won’t be lying. I liked Cha Jeong-won’s quietness, and I liked his solitude that pubescent kids would admire. When the teacher was away, I liked coming to the front and sometimes looking at him, and if our eyes happened to meet like now, I would casually turn my gaze to the window, but honestly, I think Cha Jeong-won knew.3b17b342e7f03654

    Despite the frequent eye contact, we rarely exchanged words. It wasn’t just me. Cha Jeong-won didn’t talk to anyone in the class. Some said he acted like an arrogant rich young master, but I’m sure there were others who admired him like I did.7bef314e6fa2cdc2

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    Perhaps because Cha Jeong-won had spent all three years of middle school alone, he didn’t seem interested in making friends with just one semester left until graduation. I didn’t want to be friends with Cha Jeong-won either. In the time I’d spent watching Cha Jeong-won over the semester, I was too intimidated, feeling there was no place for me to intrude. I thought that when I entered high school, I would gradually forget about Cha Jeong-won, just remembering “there was a guy like that back then.”d33f859366318890

    While chatting with d9111f69fd the guy in c755d6beff front of me 9a3ff405f8 about the upcoming 8b6c30baad summer vacation, I 1e698cfaab suddenly remembered what 7645647888 the teacher had 079a8bd5fc asked me to e17b5a6063 do today.be2692d282c11ff2

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    ‘Anyone not doing summer vacation supplementary classes needs to check the participation form and give it to me by today. If you don’t submit it, they’ll assume you’re all doing it.’6a1a9747063d7f5e

    Standing next to af5d15ed8a the podium, I b21e6d5815 spoke, and the 853b78e0ff students added comments 9c5f9262b6 one by one.Ah, why do we have to do supplementary classes? If they don’t turn on the air conditioning, let’s go study in the principal’s office. I smiled lightly at their adolescent bravado and joking remarks, listening to what the guys in the class were saying. Then I naturally shifted my gaze to Cha Jeong-won. While the guys who weren’t taking supplementary classes from all corners were bringing their participation forms, only Cha Jeong-won remained in his seat.da46f537985970b0

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    Since arts and physical 3e279b7ac8 education students rarely took 90ed46f9ea supplementary classes, I tilted d96d9cf081 my head in confusion. But Cha 3a07c2b101 Jeong-won glanced 9e23f7d75f at me 220d8746ed briefly before 60a2f7ce72 naturally turning d0c56d4daf away. He rested his 75bf1a70f7 chin on his 1968b0fabd hand and fiddled 06185775aa with the electronic 0b621a65b4 device on his e6ee646c81 desk.0895bde510f192f1

    Did the 71d2a5d0da form disappear? Or is he planning e32c9111f4 to take after-school classes? Should I say 833bc90d96 something?4d003060e4adb7ff

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    But in the end, I couldn’t bring myself to speak. I thought it would be unnecessary meddling. Finally, I gathered the participation forms in both hands, tapping them on the podium to align the edges. And instead of immediately taking the forms to the teacher, I returned to my seat. I thought Cha Jeong-won might say something separately later.4715382ddb59221d

    But one hour, two hours, three hours passed… Even after lunch time, until the last period which was PE, he didn’t bring the form.f3ca04ce0fe4d6c9

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    Finally when PE 856e5c45da time came, only f8fc8f3b86 Cha Jeong-won and f8af88714f I were left 6f89163b53 in the classroom. I glanced at Cha 8b865a39fa Jeong-won while zipping up 6250bb94ff my PE jersey, and 0c77589d30 he too was preparing 5007104fe4 to go out with 7cb52e765a a bored expression. We seemed to be 19d0d6dd6e in different times despite 94f6d68fdf being in the same 90ad8bf5fd space. My impatience 236b3bb928 swelled to d935fe3554 a level b5426ec0c2 I could 3f883bcde7 barely handle 608a87adf9 myself, and 1c3b23b988 I finally e57b6a9d79 called out fa9090524a to Cha 9e5aecbdce Jeong-won first.66141523ec7b8813

    ‘Cha Jeong-won.’bc8ba52c831ec8e9

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    At my words, Cha Jeong-won’s indifferent gaze fell on me. There was no reply, but seeing his face that seemed to ask if I had something to say, I stammered on.064eb0a0dec29b84

    ‘…Aren’t you submitting the participation form?’37f1a236105a9fdb

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    ‘Ah.’919d4163cb782d78

    Cha Jeong-won bent 39832f0231 down to rummage b9526ccb77 through his bag. Then he 9f8bdf15f5 pulled out 0d6ccd3132 a crumpled 5e55792bb7 piece of 48ee42dc40 paper. I furrowed my 39e9809d0e brow.d06587481d0c88da

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    “Why didn’t you submit it earlier and only give it when I ask?”67740ab41ac9c114

    I couldn’t help but sound grumpy. Cha Jeong-won replied in a voice that suggested it was no big deal.04ba776bf772d25e

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    ‘I forgot.’4297b74372ad063a

    ‘You were quiet when I mentioned it this morning.’fa3546f61eed81c7

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    ‘Yeah.’da4e2a6773799d75

    Cha Jeong-won answered my question about the reason. Thanks to that, the conversation ended. When I didn’t add anything more, a natural silence followed, but by then I was already regretting it. It was our first conversation, I should have tried to be more friendly. I felt like I had reacted too prickly and sensitive. How did I talk to other guys my age again? Just as I was about to move my lips, not knowing what to say, Cha Jeong-won spoke.f49815635af8e480

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    ‘Im Ji-ho.’25d781796fe0dde4

    ‘What?’3d53d519b8261f2a

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    ‘Isn’t the weather hot?’ef74d9770ef1383a

    ‘What?’8322565a2bd81549

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    When I asked back at his sudden remark, Cha Jeong-won rubbed the nape of his neck. There was a wry emotion in his slightly tilted expression. For some reason, I couldn’t forget that expression for quite a long time, and it ultimately became the catalyst for me to pay more attention to Cha Jeong-won.33076cb7a454c3c2


    Sitting on the sofa, I shifted my gaze as the study door opened. The study in the farthest corner of the house was where Cha Jeong-won analyzed competitions and watched training videos. He had quite a persistent side, so once he went into the study, he wouldn’t come out for hours. Even though we lived in the same house, it was close to living separately.5ca1745806fc8a96

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    Cha Jeong-won came out to the living room wearing comfortable home clothes. We briefly made eye contact before naturally passing by, and he went to the kitchen to get water from the purifier. Holding a transparent glass filled with water, he tilted his head back and drank. I watched his Adam’s apple bobbing, then lowered my gaze.1b9d11ab280b621d

    I was spending the tail end of my unproductive 20s. I had never had a job and had always been by Cha Jeong-won’s side. In middle school, I had once been class president solely based on grades, but now I had become a shut-in.bc2216d74cabb3f4

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    After pushing dc3a81879f my gaze 3bcade63f8 away from 26a008a2b9 Cha Jeong-won, 013b09cd48 I pretended 47544863cb to fiddle 24de5f15a1 with the 8de4592bfd phone in 4837a5adf6 my hand. I entered a portal 743ddcfad7 site and clicked on 91b560a53e any random article while c6c39ccee1 aimlessly touching my phone, 8670dc2bef and at the same c538031d80 time, Cha Jeong-won approached 963f1f7f61 and snatched the phone fc33784295 away.ae3fd0200c4e5280

    “…Why.”30e31e2857be9e7d

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    I asked in a voice that seemed about to shrink away, not even able to reach out towards Cha Jeong-won. It was utterly pathetic. I quickly lowered my head after briefly raising my gaze to Cha Jeong-won’s furrowed expression. I fidgeted with my hands clasped together on my gathered knees.f3b440286256f927

    Thud.918c1234768c14f3

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    Cha Jeong-won pressed the corner of the phone he was holding onto the crown of my head. It wasn’t applied with enough force to prevent me from lifting my head, but I ended up looking as if I couldn’t raise my head due to its weight.b56da7278b4d61fb

    “If you have nothing to do, go to your room.”56485d28edc969dd

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    “……”d1ed945a8b08da9e

    “What are you doing crouched in the living room all day?”37856e33a91e08c8

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    Cha Jeong-won tapped my head with the corner of the phone a few times before tossing the phone onto the sofa. I looked at the phone that had fallen to the side, then slowly raised my gaze from Cha Jeong-won’s feet to his knees.08ba8e893d315b4f

    The truth was, I had nothing to do when Cha Jeong-won was home. When I was alone, I managed to pass the time relatively well. I would rest in the bedroom, clean, or sit on the terrace looking outside. Sometimes I would go to Cha Jeong-won’s study and sit in the chair. I would search for articles about him and study various things about shooting that I didn’t really understand. But when Cha Jeong-won was home, I couldn’t do anything. If I carelessly wandered around, unable to gauge his mood when training wasn’t going well, I would often end up getting scolded for no reason.95b8349987b849d9

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    However, if a99c7f33ca I were 2b7d1c10a3 to recite 65ca3829db all this bbaad479fb in front 269497a206 of him, 4fc60eb9af it was 73354c5887 obvious I 5802d613eb would get 4b5667638e an earful 9d17083e2e again, so b4cc81ee8c I kept 7925e8cb9d my mouth fabebe6bf2 shut. Instead, I 8442511636 slowly nodded 5cffd71365 and added:09439992121841d3

    “I’ll go to the bedroom.”5fcd5fd1d2bb0c66

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    At least if I stayed in the bedroom, he wouldn’t see me while he was in the living room.687d98a977875da7

    I slowly d58b85dd43 got up 5ffac51664 from my 81f33f56d9 seat. At around 175 688ce0a85c cm, I was 02c58def1c much shorter than d2b275ce91 Cha Jeong-won who f2072ec4e0 was just over 7d2d45f80d 190 cm. He had such 397220938a a large build bdc5b0b784 that there was 5ce4b2c4f4 an intimidating aura 480607e094 just from standing 5210b438b0 face to face.fdc6f96186d4ba60

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    As I was 0845c7fa5d about to naturally d423aede40 pass by Cha 0c4389cc67 Jeong-won, he grabbed 124868d30a my wrist and 60e6354d1e twisted it.0fb5c8d88df9c134

    “Ah.”26354930c51d9690

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    A single cry escaped my lips at the sudden grip. Cha Jeong-won, who had grabbed my wrist, didn’t even think of loosening his grip. Rather, the strength in his hand grew even stronger.da5d7bf49af96292

    “You know you’re acting really frustrating, right?”470da2f4cd641ac9

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    It was Cha 5b1ecb4db0 Jeong-won who had 0a0d62abc6 made me like edc1372f49 this.35bfabbcf2a99e11

    “Watching what you do really suffocates me, it’s so annoying.”ed17d61f36e87e9f

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    It was 08e6f8bec6 Cha Jeong-won 235e377df7 who had c3ed70fc6e choked off 11ae328cbc my breath.6a593045e24ab180

    However, in the end, I couldn’t add any rebuttal, and I slowly freed my arm that he had twisted before entering the bedroom.4be117a44b596a70

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    Bang-. Cha Jeong-won shook 07edab0474 the pistol he 66e9cf0bc1 was holding. I slowly b6e10d9e22 removed the 01dabdcab2 earmuffs I 7ab1a162ac had been 37d0adcef2 wearing.4d33df57b47da7aa

    “Ah, shit.”4a32219bac7ade1e

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    With Cha Jeong-won’s curse, the training was interrupted. At the same time, my eyes met with the coach who had been organizing Cha Jeong-won’s bullets as I sat in the shade watching him. Our gazes quickly intertwined, and Cha Jeong-won belatedly removed the earmuffs he had plugged in his ears and stuffed them in his pocket.331932db2c6ac3f0

    Cha Jeong-won approached 6ad3dfd671 the coach holding cdf9aef044 the pistol. Since I ed75251884 was sitting 87e424efa9 nearby, I 238c360f28 could clearly 31a095fe20 hear the 67dd5ee4b6 conversation between b0b9aaffe2 the two.1ca9dfd266c27395

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    The coach cfdfba7fd2 glanced at 0ccfe8cc82 Cha Jeong-won f9fdcbd1da and asked:446b11b455517f80

    “Not going well?”dd190b11c502922e

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    “You can see it, so why ask?”85bbd01a3ea584bc

    The atmosphere instantly turned cold at Cha Jeong-won’s prickly voice. I bit my lips and watched cautiously. Then, as Cha Jeong-won put down the pistol he was holding and was about to organize it, the coach gave me a look.e52ab2597deb6f0a

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    The coach was in his late thirties, and though he hadn’t made it to the national team, he had been quite a promising player. He also had an affable side and had exchanged words with me a few times, but each time Cha Jeong-won got excessively annoyed, so I couldn’t progress beyond an acquaintance of Cha Jeong-won.6cf468df23296d73

    He always gave me a look when Cha Jeong-won’s sensitivity exceeded the acceptable range, but it was different from what other coaches expected of me. It meant to run away.c12baa8e810bd449

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    But I couldn’t run away. If I left even for a moment, I might face greater anger when I returned, or if not that…8f4bc78d9752963a

    “Hey, Im Ji-ho. Come here.”5a3cd01a73d710f6

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    Cha Jeong-won, who 4897d50298 had been shaking 2e192eb6e8 the pistol near 49ef4538f3 his ear, called f991e04813 me. With a start, d860248bb6 I got up a056cce3be from my seat 9ec5caddb2 and approached him 03bfbbb4b7 almost at a a95fc5fbaa run.68adb13077c162db

    “Jeong-won, take it easy.”a5ccfa7340c88d9e

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    When the coach finally added a word, fire flashed in Cha Jeong-won’s eyes.d228c2e7d6571337

    “Mind your own business.”8094dc3b97cd25c2

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    “Sigh. I’m just worried it might get to someone’s ears.”c0f32cc22741643d

    “Just disassemble this and realign the screws. I told you not to touch it, but you just had to fucking touch it.”ddd47af2b48ee994

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    Ah.d69f43fa7e5a1cc2

    The cause of Cha Jeong-won’s irritation was me. I often cleaned his pistol, but it seems a screw was loose. The coach probably hadn’t thought this far, but it was awkward nonetheless. Cha Jeong-won tossed the pistol onto the table where the coach had been recording measurements.c3a17f866746d9aa

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    His pistol was one of only two in the world, both bearing his initials. The shape was quite simple, not flashy like other players’, but all black. However, the barrel length was shorter than a regular pistol.879abed207ccd9c7

    Cha Jeong-won led 31f31614e7 me to the 76c6f71503 stairs inside the 96dc0058e6 building. It was sparsely d4dc836021 populated there. Because there 8e3a860d30 were hardly 3deb55f422 any people. Players took the 0d9a3c9574 elevator when training 5e383cec64 indoors, or if 0a61acd674 not, they practiced a1a86408d2 outdoors. Especially in 204def9ae8 the case b976642516 of the 273c864993 shooting range, 09f32e40ce since it 7582f7972f was originally 3b6ffaa780 centered around bae3b491a3 players, it 0070dcc29c was natural 2b4e03253a that there b91ff4a36d were almost ce43e613bd no people c9de6a1768 now when 1aa404f799 everyone was cc64e1204d training.8a84daf1df2f706d

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    As soon as 67f299e3f4 we entered, I 315cb2562b naturally stood by 400a1e9928 the wall. Cha Jeong-won raised his a385bcf453 hand without hesitation.Thwack, his 66ebd4a31b thick hand 84d3ff890a struck my 787b90665a cheek. Slapped simultaneously, my bc4e705384 cheek turned and 7991efb5fd I stumbled a 96ce0c10c6 couple steps before 8c592c7f07 I could stand be1aeaa0be properly again.c12c386bdcb3330c

    “Didn’t I tell you not to touch it?”90a61d4e94335a6d

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    “……”4e7b8a26ff67039f

    “Speak, damn it. Are you deaf?”08a3e809c1b72f5d

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    “You, you said not to touch it…”551f3197d9f8b0a4

    “Then why did you?”e7fc737301638604

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    I thought it hadn’t been cleaned. I wouldn’t have touched it if I’d known Cha Jeong-won had wiped it the day before. But when I looked at the magazine and stark after disassembling it, it was clean, so I reassembled it discreetly, but there was no way he wouldn’t notice, having handled pistols for half his life. It was my fault. I had made him angry.74dafe3b732858a3

    But my cheek, 9cfed976ae swollen in such 7ef42687ff a short time, 798a36192e was burning hot. It felt like 8032066cd6 a hand warmer 7890e77119 had been placed 85acb20358 only on my e163444e6f cheek in the 7f189cc7d5 dead of winter. I clasped my ac43c2ad7e hands in front 81ca4a6667 of me and e38d87fd0e held them tight.9f375f70d1299f96

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    “…I’m sorry.”570fa56a656619ff

    “……”bd44518516a511c3

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    “I was wrong. I’m sorry. I won’t do it again. Please forgive me just this once.”617f5faffc19c448

    I wondered why he hadn’t hit me lately. I got hit occasionally. Cha Jeong-won was like a broken bomb. You never knew when he would explode. If I upset him, I got hit accordingly, and if I didn’t upset him, I got scolded for just watching his mood. Still, begging was the best option for now. I’d rather be scolded than hit.fa40583abc432aeb

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    “I’ll tell you from now on. If I touch even a little bit, I’ll tell you everything. So please, don’t, don’t hit me. It hurts… I’m scared…”47329a6d79df92c9

    I could dfc339b5e8 have knelt a0d622a912 down. I pleaded with my e57ad62b15 hands clasped, watching his 403a583c46 expression. Apart from b6fe0dc34e the pain, 1f126202f0 I was 6b8bd5a03c grateful to ba1ede77b5 Cha Jeong-won. If he 21955ffbcb had hit 87159006ab me at ffe7c3148b the training 431af7067c ground, I fbe8917659 might have 9b6bbb6355 had to ad36b164d1 kneel in 41549d4f65 front of 8b7629eddd people. But here on 5b8ac54a2e the stairs, there f8f0b6e749 were only the 4c3721b511 two of us. No one bdf63b44b1 would see 45e5f5a1e3 me clinging c49caea0e0 to Cha 539d62991b Jeong-won and fd564a7aac crying or bde4fb929c begging.60b57b3b04adaff1

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    At my plea, Cha 2c35cef8ec Jeong-won clicked his tongue.7a7b16076cfbaae7

    “Spineless bastard. Don’t you have any pride?”eaaef78163b8a436

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    Then he 7ee5eca879 raised his 1b44fab6bd hand. Thinking I 6454aa5b9c might get b8c70d3a50 hit again, 7cd5d568da I raised 5ea75c6ea1 my arms 2aa2192a9c and curled 12593af450 up my 487e0944fd body. But he 71bee8ef0c pulled my 6336966ef3 arms down cd0313f19e and lightly 4ff696a280 tapped the 56e4f22d90 cheek he 103a44ace6 had just af1e477214 hit. Then, muttering a curse 32a4d99aeb under his breath, he 174dacee39 went straight out.aa9b7cdac2e5bc1a

    Creak, thud.143351f01a1a326e

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    The door closed 75f279f050 with a heavy d356629e84 sound.1d55026e39d506b6

    “Ah…”57573618bd7457d7

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    Only then did e3096cbd97 the tension leave 88c53a5b42 my body and 07aed33a1a I felt drained. After staring b417b09fd8 at the c9b172879a firmly closed 58cd242193 door, I 4d497227e8 chewed on a9008e5c3c my lips. Only then 1b35e2111e did I 549bb14508 wipe away 70158a4256 the tears e646a158e9 that had 6ca976d022 sprung out 6baf89ef5b with the fd64cd7960 back of a0aa3261a6 my hand. Holding back my breath, b5172c391d I moved my feet. Not wanting to go 3663ae2014 back, I crouched down 785faf4603 on the stairs. I raised my knees 114000b1c6 and buried my face 20e3e2b009 in them.b0be561a9e0ca5ca

    Cha Jeong-won was right.8f8010cafe73bb7d

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    I had no 0ed474a555 spine, no pride.1c7a84b89b166361

    But what could I 18b9b82254 do?2d6393c0e2dcccd0

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    This is just how I’ve lived.2bf30dead324544c

    Just then, I heard 2ab175167e the door opening. Ah. I unconsciously shrank 011ac8cae4 my already stiff 2c3e41d869 body. I brought 9796bd0026 my toes ac351e51fd together at fc3f333fb5 the same e060f04393 time, and 34f5a94518 hardened as aa3d9fc6c7 if wrapping 13af95725d my body 2254339622 in a 8915e0ddf2 hard shell. Since Cha Jeong-won had 25516d46bc just been here, it 5c169a35b1 must be him coming 53097c0b77 back to find me.dbd625699ea8911f

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    He just hit me, so he probably won’t hit me again. Should I say something? He hates it when I’m frustrating, so will he scold me again for crouching here? I’m already used to being scolded, but I still don’t like it. In the end, I mumbled out a sentence.15409812bb7e12cd

    “I’ll go in a little bit. Go ahead first. Or if you give me the car keys…”43fccd66c953c000

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    “What?”53a8ca5f7f594e0a

    With the fbffcba214 reply, I 6bdaee0f15 quickly raised 4080b4c141 my head.bfeb4d3ad7cce030

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    Blinking with wide eyes, f6b3cc8a56 I looked at the a3d4bbd208 person in front of fb17398287 me.53b72119214222f8

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