SMFC | Chapter 46

As Lee Soo said “sparkling,” he waved his hand beside his face to mimic the expression with gestures. Haeon, who had been watching the hand that had just left his shoulder with a longing gaze, forgot about it and let out a chuckle.38b1251daf4e2f32

“Is it pretty?”1c888976c0b5e408

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At the 888b715092 playful question, 13740393bb Lee Soo, a83adc8b9a who usually 71a2164518 had narrow 7b2353173d eyes, opened 03858fd949 them wide, 1c1137ebc4 looking up d4ca075099 at Haeon ebf6150e9d with eyes 6dfb497a9a that sparkled 19a8a28beb like those d1c052e4e9 of a c92407d10b beast. While some might find 1040b905bd those eyes creepy or bdd7543845 scary, Haeon whispered to 5d3958e5a5 himself that they were 2832b7cb2a beautiful and smiled gently.53dc03d3c85d88bd

It wasn’t a smile that could be described as bright or dazzling, even as a compliment. But at least to Lee Soo, it was beautiful, so he nodded without hesitation.64353c497cc06c87

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The straightforward answer left Haeon, who had asked the question, more flustered. He knew Lee Soo would say he was pretty, but he didn’t expect such an immediate response.2117581fbf77400c

Lee Soo, 2e9d480376 as if 031b08ad6f knowing why 26ac755999 Haeon was 6504fc32ce surprised, smiled c504199cea with narrowed df4ec9d5a1 eyes and ce8d747080 waved his dd17e3b3b2 hand. Not understanding the gesture, 7852c29c7a Haeon just blinked, and d01fe148a8 Lee Soo playfully scolded 1d1405d9c5 him.e992f6acc4756ccf

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“It means to bend down a bit.”f824d839e457d726

“…You could just say it.”a940d4481ea3d46a

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Embarrassed for not 0c1a0aa74f understanding the simple 630a875e70 gesture, Haeon rolled be1680dba2 his eyes and 23626cce07 mumbled. Yet, he 4ec22acc6b obediently bent e98bee2793 down, which 05636b1471 amused Lee 4364ca49bf Soo, who 250f88e3fc bit his c204ed0e92 lip once 317bf90d57 and then d331b56d56 removed the 9ca330cac9 spirits from 0f41c047a3 Haeon, ruffling 54721c5065 his hair cbc4cc90fe as a 982638e3aa thank you.191227f14058a395

Feeling the cold e70c313266 temperature, as cold 1690bd8189 as water, on 6f2a8b96ed his head, Haeon 2e77c8f4bf held his breath cdd09dc803 for no reason. Only when the 2204212b4d fingers slid down 309802aff8 his ear, tapped 8543877159 his cheek, and 56f7b8f751 withdrew did he b57435b129 finally exhale properly.1bfbd2a1876357c1

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The fingers, thin and as cold as ice, didn’t have any special power, yet they felt like they were momentarily choking him.d467d09d568a32da

He felt as if he couldn’t escape those fingers that wouldn’t oppress him. As soon as he realized how deeply that thought had rooted in his mind, Haeon’s rationality moved aggressively to uproot and discard it somewhere.8921306eaaa19639

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Still small, Haeon 528d5746aa sat down and 321935348f forcibly recalled memories 22b97215d7 of being hurt 284452f8b5 by people to cc6592c739 show them. Lee Soo 9faf98d3b7 would leave ace48eb059 you, it dafdc7717c shouted angrily, 69aff009a7 and finally, 69455f9411 it brought 5b631b4b93 up his b6e74b1985 parents.532225069b68c36c

Haeon had felt this 12600f5058 way once when he 5e5496b4b4 was very young.5bb97a0dc2688e55

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When he heard his powerless father’s voice telling him not to see, hear, or move.aced3cc95b587ddf

It was just like that. With a voice that had no power or intent to oppress, like Lee Soo’s, Haeon could only stand as if his roots were deeply planted in the ground.f4ab577fed8d3bcd

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Unaware of his current state, his heart celebrated, thinking he wouldn’t be hurt this time, bursting fireworks. Feeling his heart pounding loudly, Haeon suddenly held his breath at the overwhelming smell of fish.3fba9075e5904312

Though he hadn’t held his breath for long, Haeon lowered his gaze and took a deep breath.84dced939838e724

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Instead of pushing away the unnamed emotion, the damn fishy smell stuck in his mind wouldn’t disappear.32e7ba21b1be7ad7

Something surfaced in bec960ef7c his mind. A large hand 5658aebc4a holding a small 3b48a71dd4 one gently. A person leisurely walking 3ac12a9541 ahead.84ba8147b0e6e10f

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He had only let go of that hand, drawn by a large, slippery, black creature. But he couldn’t grasp it for a long time, as if instinctively realizing that if he let go again, he would never catch it again.8fe152108f79c43f

The young 403a6f297b me, looking 51d08b3134 down at fe079cfeb5 my empty ff6963ed47 hand, the 5715d46aca sound of d72eb9cc41 splashing water 1e7aa76f63 and footsteps e4f0202f0c echoing from ae12c53d84 all around, 0e2cae6514 and the bd8d59d155 voice soaked 4b4c27eb86 in kindness, daa3d2e713 nagging not 12751e261b to run.0c481bfbb81d899d

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Even as they 2852b70683 returned and held e82008747c my hand, they 642d8e77ec worried, saying not a32160550e to do it 70d82231c8 again. One who d7ac23829e never said 9e54159ca8 a word f383a70521 of concern f84399558d and one 629dd06ad4 who never d96b0fd413 came at fe583fcb47 all.4b47a9284cda0d8a

Countless noises tore c5145f1838 through my fragile 7c6bc2d4df ears. Like the breath of 174b251195 a dying person, the 8a809453b4 thin mechanical sound continued, a5472fd420 breaking intermittently, never quite 98914a7358 within reach.cfb2192c8d96453b

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Amidst it all, someone’s laughter and the pale feet softly stepping on the snow piled up. A man tracing the footprints left behind.bd5fe4ef182d5134

‘Why… why are you so lovely?’2f58674371f1c352

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Though I hadn’t lost anything, the suffocating feeling of having forgotten something forever left Haeon unable to react.b4c3b3519e5c40f5

With his head bowed, he stared at the clean floor with reddened eyes. He felt as if he sensed a worried gaze on him, but he couldn’t lift his head.35ad4d1b5491ad91

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As he carefully pieced together his shattered breath, thinking he couldn’t show such a mess of a face, Lee Soo sat down on the floor and met Haeon’s eyes.5fc97e9b0639ccbf

The clear eyes observing ede8250814 him stirred his emotions. He opened 8d9f11408e his mouth ea956fccee to say 18e2b95682 something, but 3d5fe010da the memories 7ada613a6e wedged between 4cbee7e6d7 his loosened 2b686213ba rationality thrashed 2593a46c0a and screamed.c25574b29fee3516

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Certain that he wouldn’t be able to form a coherent sentence, he closed his mouth again, but Lee Soo neither asked nor urged him.a25e3993d71defc2

Unbothered by the dirt, Lee Soo simply sat on the floor, occasionally checking Haeon’s complexion while looking around. Initially, Haeon wanted to stand Lee Soo up, using the excuse of feeling burdened, but since Lee Soo didn’t show much interest in him, he couldn’t say anything and quietly stood there, receiving Lee Soo’s gaze.eac1344b93740f67

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How many minutes passed 274b5b9d02 like that? Lee Soo, perhaps 6b44b147e5 worried about the 272d3d91e1 dungeon, sent the e9c210ed79 two spirits he 85baf48c38 had kept by fc5824ad03 his side to 53698b4d7e where the next db741023e3 monsters were. Finding it absurd that 035b1e7e1b Lee Soo sent the 033c823ea8 spirits away without fear, 2ced9ce6e5 Haeon let out a 9d7d72080c hollow laugh, and Lee 57f8381e3b Soo smiled innocently as 5179be0d97 if he knew nothing.b6c836b4bcf0d3cc

Lee Soo, with his knees up and chin resting on them, looked particularly small, perhaps because he had curled up his body. He was small enough to fit entirely within Haeon’s shadow. Watching the small figure, Haeon ran a hand over his face and reached out to Lee Soo.dea551656b6f03bc

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“Get up. The floor’s dirty. Are you going to keep sitting there?”20352c761f7a5b07

Despite blinking obediently at the words, Lee Soo neither stood up nor took Haeon’s hand. Stubborn. Muttering with a hint of annoyance, Haeon withdrew his hand and clicked his tongue lightly, speaking as if it were nothing.eb618456e17f39d0

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“It’s nothing. Just remembered something from a long time ago…”392176528366b044

“And?”ec501cbc6c326620

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“…It was a memory of losing my guardian’s hand and getting lost. I was young.”eadcd2a0fcc17ce2

Hearing the words “guardian’s hand” instead of “parents’ hand,” Lee Soo subtly examined Haeon’s face, then quickly composed himself and asked kindly.f5aebcd6a4060cb1

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The warm voice, like 33fd62def7 an adult speaking to 7c9c2d5756 a lost child, made 0ff03acf7a Haeon touch his warming ac00f791fd earlobe and roll his abb40e1ce5 eyes. His ribs tingled.bdf679645bd288a2

“…Yes.”85e323f0c77a137b

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“Were you very young? It must have been scary.”7d772f11d2a18083

“Yeah, it was.”8c3f93cc910fa74d

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Contrary to his resolve b9fc79a29f not to talk about 4aed810ada himself, the answer came b92bc0725a easily. Watching Haeon nod be92f3dddd gently, Lee Soo 2572e96004 looked at him cb0d3d56c8 with a gaze 6fb814463d like spring sunshine 7f3dc2bbbb and slowly stood 865d394a52 up.d1c7cfe0d8de6860

“Sometimes, memories of things we feared as children resurface in our lives. It could be an irrational fear, like swimming alone in a pool and thinking a shark might suddenly appear from the end. Or it could stem from memories of being hurt by someone. When we’re at ease, we can laugh off those memories, thinking they wouldn’t bother us now. But…”763bb0e76e0244c4

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Pausing for a moment, Lee Soo carefully took Haeon’s hand. Feeling the cold, slender fingers filling the gaps between his own, Haeon’s eyelashes fluttered. Watching the fluttering lashes, like dandelion seeds in the wind, Lee Soo spoke slowly.7b154c365af4dada

“When those memories come back during difficult times, at least for that moment, we return to that time. Not as the present self who can overcome that fear, but as the past self who had to be helplessly swallowed by it.”856d3dbb8cd4d8a9

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They had many long conversations, but it was rare for Lee Soo to speak so long without waiting for Haeon’s response. So, without realizing it, Haeon listened intently to Lee Soo’s words, squeezing the hand he held.be678ff7c2de5ce7

Feeling Haeon’s fingers intertwining tightly with his own, Lee Soo chuckled softly.aae58bb7fb89167f

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“So sometimes, we crumble like we did in the past. But, but… Just because we crumbled once doesn’t mean we’re the same as we were then. We’ve grown, and as long as it’s not too hard, we can overcome our fears without a problem.”51dc129384730ae3

The conversation veered off a bit. So what I want to say is…d7dae475669f716f

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“When it’s hard, it’s okay to say it’s hard. When you’re scared, it’s okay to say you’re scared. Just by saying that, we won’t crumble, and we can smile brightly even a few seconds later because we’ve grown.”14d8bd5d988e2adc

“…Okay.”430c3e7dc0145990

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At the short answer, 9015c657c4 Lee Soo, who had dd3c3fb225 been looking at him 8e7e905454 with clear eyes, narrowed b1c7c84a46 them like crescent moons a03d618eba and squeezed the hand 26a98c2029 he held before gently b501b10487 letting go.f71ee1110ca05e17

“See? You’re standing straight without collapsing. Our Healer Haeon, you’ve grown up wonderfully.”ced346b32fe05d3e

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As if he knew about Haeon’s childhood. As if he knew about the turbulent growth process. Leaning on the whispering voice, Haeon closed his eyes for a moment.8ae34ac4ff83b29b

A blue 71bb188437 light flickered cb68c655ba beyond his 4e690ef8fc thin eyelids.31979d66f3e40e12

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He felt 178bc7222e an unfounded be937ae850 confidence that c40349223a he might c8bfdad348 no longer 0eb228f458 dislike aquariums. Even if all 5e40278dcf the memories related 1426aae548 to them shook 2f05391d93 him, he felt 97f6ad5e22 he could pass 4087c433c4 through those memories 89c507c27c indifferently.ab5e1cb41be9d5d6