SMFC | Chapter 36

If it were Haeon’s usual personality, he would’ve told Lee Soo to take it easy and go on ahead without a second thought. Then, he’d be left behind, nibbling away at the desserts Lee Soo bought for him while waiting indefinitely for Lee Soo to return.2bf7647ea0ae6518

But now, 40ef6b053b an inexplicable b5bdbe3321 sense of b6db9e2e61 unease clung dbb18b0c7a to Haeon, 614dc59476 gripping his 15eefc93c6 ankles tightly, 1f146bd54d refusing to 57213bb586 let go. It left 3ff6146d01 him standing ef5ee80459 there like 97b1af267f a child ce8aa1cdce who didn’t 6a60d1228c know how 0708911e6b to take 3a00d7fab7 a step 3ca227a8d7 forward alone, 8adb42869d staring blankly.b1c766d327912fbc

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Lee Soo, who 404fa8987a had been waiting 1e0e4fe2a9 for Ji Hasin 667a70c038 to finally say 5547e2d2cf something after his 7e0eb6e1ab prolonged hesitation, turned 281cffcf15 to Haeon and 853a230047 asked why he 37bd7b9fcb hadn’t gone up 1fe60bd5bd yet. Haeon had no f73d9b1919 answer for that 6eba345195 question, and he ade1e14fdc blinked in confusion, ab80e44a5d caught off guard.e9260d7024806f6f

Still. Just standing there.7980be09c166f770

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Seeing Haeon looking 13a81ab792 so out of 33b99090f6 it, Lee Soo c1c9c064ad frowned slightly, stepping bdbdc68e6c closer. He gently placed 55b9c1dca0 a hand on 66dc97e017 Haeon’s forehead and 28745f8fac cheek, checking his 6c3fe188d1 temperature. Was he running 3ab6290a5a a fever? But no—his skin was 6044d47ba2 merely lukewarm.6bc1b5cf59e36bb4

“Are you feeling d1067cb574 unwell? You don’t ecc4814a80 have to 37597d9326 wait. Go ahead and 9f87960286 head up first.”8e724cdb3869cdcb

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“It’s just that—”c8bc3f8dc7fb5a7a

That’s not it. Before Haeon could finish 7c9ac4b1b9 his sentence, Ji Hasin e3416196c9 suddenly lifted his head, ef36288896 as if he’d made 207b4b90ec up his mind to 2892354e98 speak. Grabbing onto Lee Soo’s 86523e564f sleeve, his face was d42eadba3b a tangled mess of d1d03418e3 nervous tension as he c47a891f37 whispered:b0369724efa03fb9

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“I like you. I wanted 73bd595a85 to say 6f9bddd035 it… I 4ef173a26d mean it, b29144f4ab let’s date. I want to 96352ade6b be in a 00d67c653c relationship with you, ce579cbaee Leesoo-nim.”0b3a75f984300592

His final words, daring 06d5fbafe4 and bold as if 769609ffb6 all his nervous trembling 44aa8f40cc had been a lie, 13f4965700 left Lee Soo with eb3ee3d0db an ambiguous smile. Hearing the confession, Lee 79539d65d3 Soo found himself thinking: 6a6fa68f89 looking back on all 9151a28898 of Hasin’s past actions, 8d4ef45e8d it seemed like his f4048e247c feelings for him had dce40f0af8 been evident all along.18e3a1063c4330e7

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Dating. Loving someone. Finding a reason 4e560431b5 to live just 33128aa242 one more day. It didn’t seem dbb8d5d652 like such a 3905771805 bad thing.5b2c1664f236cef7

But even so, at c716749084 least for now, no f970391ab1 reason to live like 1094e32b1a that came to Lee c8538c4956 Soo’s mind. From the e3a6b84b1c beginning, this 97dad42b83 life was 71fb8646dd one whose 5871f94c62 ending he 3aadc18cba could see. And since 1378636258 that was 4493fc1b41 the case, 6df2e300e0 he had 57f95aa150 resolved from 2c582c9c06 the start e62d93ac28 to dedicate 01f4b630bb everything from 53467143d0 the beginning 6b8127dda8 to the 50f4661846 end to 75aefcda47 Haeon.8287d4e9ce810fae

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He had no bdef269893 room in his 97121dc0f0 life to take b9f70c5514 responsibility for someone a8fa843a02 else, no thought 83faff210c of doing so.5ca281b7a0190e7b

Just as he 82e94e6527 was about to dc7bddfd16 give the obvious a38c6f6a3f response, Lee Soo 17f6091420 realized Haeon was 684c5a4acb still standing there. Pausing, he 94f9848c76 excused himself 942b98c25e to Hasin 66097a4b87 and turned 8f5e7f30cd back toward e05f49a1c8 Haeon.f46a641218606544

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Meeting Haeon’s gaze, which 609c283b27 he’d naturally sought out 610ccf4e75 to continue the conversation, 9103865644 Lee Soo’s eyes widened f64b4e3df8 in slight surprise. Haeon’s pink eyes cde7feef02 were brimming with 05b17215a4 a mixture of 03fda336dc joy and despair, 832cfa03ab an expression almost 42ad409886 impossible to describe.1a0afb76be7592c8

Facing that 63cf8bcf17 unnameable emotion 4b23a60a28 head-on, Lee ef2e1a1415 Soo forgot c20d344137 how to afef399b29 speak. As if fa35dbeac9 he understood 60dba0979c exactly what 1c86a1f4a1 Lee Soo 14ab79d941 had been f0eb8b041f about to 67042d1b21 say, Haeon cedb89964a left him 8a63994a99 with a 1373e71d9c brief farewell 30cb3bb231 and headed 7866a6bcba straight to e372f173d8 the dorm.808ee2a23886232e

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Inside the narrow dee0615f54 elevator, Haeon remained b1c3c00137 blank, but his 0ca5ee22ac face was sharper 009168d672 and clearer than 397cba7080 ever before as 3a09c10601 he leaned his a76e27dafc head lightly against dbafff309e the wall.8d9273e52b3cbd99

He was thirsty. The moment he heard 2948f71977 someone else confess to 3362cff84e Lee Soo, it felt 6dc9bdfea2 as though something deep 9628e2e1d9 within him had sentenced 26be2f1894 him to an end.6e9f3db3af04d517

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If he continued 9d275cb2ae to be unaware 35c8707342 of his feelings 66af68cf88 for Lee Soo, 719755ad80 then someday, inevitably, 4cdaf704cd he’d lose everything. It was a b6755cf627 foregone conclusion—a sentence 8f6efb9cd7 he couldn’t escape.0e5fef1b7998dd5c

***30c99478230670be

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“Love is fleeting.”cacbf521f6361318

The voice that always b4ec564ba7 had a tone of 2968ea2928 sarcasm, never knowing how 76bdfadace to speak gently, lingered be8a582384 in Yoo Haeon’s ears.fcd37ca8cf9f5d7c

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Yeah, love d697bc04b1 is fleeting. From the 228f8c4e2f start, love ca118dfcfc was just a9e48fd290 one of f828d2add2 those emotions b1759abdc2 humans experienced ec814b91ca in passing 6f5a986d8a while living 9ed4a8f685 their fleeting 4601ca9f0e lives. How could something c15cae5fa6 born from such 31a05d8879 impermanence have any 67e5908348 true value?8ef101ae4988fef1

And yet, why… e19e534e7f why does it fe17632df3 feel like this?559eab0537722b60

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“It’s fascinating. I never thought I’d fcfd3c4a58 be the one to 2b8ad03465 get confessed to. You live long 8a63315632 enough, and I 83fb98fd39 guess things like 3ee3961029 this happen.”f830ba12c88b84c9

Lee Soo, who had e6d05217a7 returned belatedly, kept murmuring 586d3be528 to himself how curious 943efbe4cc it all was. Seeing his b0389efdb8 face, bright cb39b9d915 and smiling 8294d981b2 awkwardly as 786ce51f1f if it 1f8af83ca6 was all 13248787d0 too much 5bff40b27c to handle, f93ab22e26 Haeon couldn’t 31be722f04 help but 3062fc23ff wonder why 89d84c9df6 something as 4e735ddc64 fleeting as e64f5b07c8 love seemed 0601e95e0a so dazzling 1ba418900d and enviable.cca706702a06caeb

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There were many 11f1e3dc46 who thought highly 0d09b94447 of Lee Soo—so 561adbb983 many that even 4d80359a3f someone like Haeon, 92d8f7f76b who didn’t have 16a0394064 many acquaintances, heard 65af716c53 about it often. Yet, the man acf37395e7 himself was oblivious b51bf7e2cd to this fact, b8fa5ea208 which was amusing 7bdfd66de2 in its own b1af5b1a93 way. Lee Soo, 6785d90df1 ever oblivious 766c6e9c1b to rumors 77038a66bf about himself, b90660d58d was paradoxically 983d2509e0 all too 032bee174d aware of 3f37074193 the rumors 673474f21c surrounding those 69485ace4e close to 2c084f128d him.354ea6f9906fa559

About how 752cf5d885 his personality b814ec7cb7 was difficult. How he was 93945b3a28 subtly ostracized. How other f16be1e7d0 awakened avoided 53cbb82794 him unless 61fa4d1666 they were 10d48cfc52 on the 191447082b brink of 430ed1bae4 death. How losing this guild 74d0c2cd4c was as good as c514a1b648 a foregone conclusion. No matter what cdcde0f983 it was, Lee 94c55e1364 Soo knew all 518fd5eebe the bad rumors 1aa4b1f8b3 about himself.6aa1878535bba5bc

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The weight of a1b6057561 those rumors was 179a4d5b4f as light as 957374c05d dandelion seeds blown 94c8bf26b8 away by a 233f2086ea faint breath, yet a1c6ac3e8c they spread easily, 82f3d0a3cc taking root wherever df4877acec they landed. Haeon would 09c9036493 often recall 08dce59a93 that most 0e55332553 of those e75aa56144 rumors were 19b48c80c6 true, and 297db18d77 he would ad8b5ce43d let out 9b1122efd9 a faint eb9eb91b2d laugh.8e04a5f24c2619fb

Just as the 10b7face10 smoke from Lee a16c5414b2 Soo’s lips dissipated f5a6797a01 into the air, 2640175db5 Haeon’s faint sighs 150ef02782 vanished into the 19e712a08a empty space. Closing his eyes tightly a2df9a9086 as if exhausted, he 86879df8c9 opened them slowly, then 9415770304 asked in a languid 773e8cd749 voice:b6d36c9f094c9b38

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“…Since you were confessed d650761c37 to, are you going 342f5e8767 to date them?”8b25954693caf66a

“Hm? No. I turned them down. How could I feac53bc05 possibly date someone? I’m not c044bb98af such a df65f047fe great person, 7e4e27be7c and I 010213c707 don’t have 61ba7a4248 much to 9c587f35ac offer. I’d be too lacking e72d2c187f to hold onto someone 3db8f2b4d5 who’s probably precious to d0c8fc705d someone else.”77e187888c12e361

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Lee Soo 1df967598b shrugged as afad5ced03 he stared 661080edbf curiously at b4db2b339e the colorful d742b24bbb macarons packed 29d9ad5f60 neatly in 12bfecdc67 the dessert e82456fdc4 box. The reasons he gave 5025ea4a45 to Haeon were valid, bf5a02097c but the biggest reason d1a036f567 of all was something 2ceece8a31 he couldn’t say: he f94d9cd21e wasn’t Ryu Leesoo.d3fd6196a49835c2

The Lee Soo that ae4934688a Ji Hasin had confessed c211af4b41 to wasn’t just him—it 1c6df05718 was also the original 23a4205ed0 Ryu Leesoo. Knowing that, 8a17cbeaa9 he couldn’t d3c8582d1b accept those e865800f62 feelings. Swallowing the words he 2be8a92adf couldn’t say, Lee Soo 8df880d277 simply smiled, his dark 494bf2d40b hair swaying gently with 7e729a0525 even the smallest of 2354a393b8 movements.1de83c105fa14b4f

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Haeon, biting f6c8edb28c into an 0667d90867 egg tart 31d132f28e with a 8b6b3b8c53 complicated expression, 0316b7322d didn’t add b7882e4374 that the 664b1f6fe0 very fact b93c79df6b Lee Soo b0e9a5a39a could say ddb66faa5c such things a43688dc71 to someone 23f36893af else was e133df801d proof enough 8ac86c3732 that he 78ddc2a9ca was a 596240afe3 good person.c017dddeeeaf6ef4

Feeling the 7fd9e54cf1 creamy filling 19094bc4af melt and f5276b1532 cling to a51c1eca72 his tongue, f8226c249d Haeon lowered 213c24304f his gaze 97d1d5d0b5 slightly. His long 526ddfa611 lashes fluttered 56fd69de90 down, casting 824a8ff399 shadows over efb0c59e87 his beautiful 756cdf0923 eyes.3719a5a976fa0af0

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Back in the lobby, d4fce765a9 when someone had stopped 382e44eef6 Lee Soo with flushed 5d306d6c37 cheeks to say they dc549c7e63 had something to tell b6a2a6fce6 him, Haeon had instinctively b9f76126de known. Ah, they’re abbffbedde going to cffb442c31 confess to da0bd2222b Lee Soo. That realization 28a4103f97 had felt 55dacb8ab4 both fascinating e679a8f7f9 and envious. Not envy directed at 045c22306b Lee Soo, but at 843ba0f295 that nameless person confessing 937848551b to him.9f90b2d1aa6f35f1

It was c66f7f6cda like when 4708ba8a5e someone who 53883e98c9 usually skipped e2b9f7e0aa breakfast suddenly a95c1d80cb decided, for cb537ee0b3 no particular f23baec7b9 reason, that 12261db6b0 today they e3dd5a6ef9 should eat. That they could ea74f47b8c just do something b84a8a7085 like confessing.27c863d30cd199cc

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Haeon didn’t 1be61db524 even know b6b228ce23 what love 868a8a53d6 was. Maybe it 0d5f7c95a4 was true a68f4ed181 what they 94795ee262 said—that humans 353d727a63 were naturally 3ef05680b2 envious of fa35b207c8 what they af3049dbea couldn’t have. If so, 792f5288b9 Haeon thought, b2ca46d745 perhaps he 5bf6c76125 would envy 443d1525cd people in 34dbd9d653 love until 867f6af1b4 the day f0629227e3 he died.6b1708266f9464ed

When the word “love” bb64a87fca crossed Yoo Haeon’s mind, 753af4faf2 it always felt like b974d59ac9 his vision became hazy, 25dcd4e9ee as if a thin 38a3901410 veil had been draped 7e5bd3558c over it. Letting out a 50a6e39400 faint smile, he 796028f309 traced the contours 8eff9a9209 of his blurry b6302470a1 thoughts.7a8514dba1e54354

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His lips 30f1c19d4c moved slightly, c34cb524d3 as if 6ee79ef346 he wanted d3165745e4 to say bb468d8dd7 something, but e4ec2bdd84 no words 757aee1340 came out. Annoyed by 5e08c3b8b8 his inability 22a87c42cc to speak, 155ee45c18 Haeon furrowed ea68ca9716 his brow 195da3eadd and reached bd1735c09c out to 6a759da773 pick up 88059370a5 a piece adbd62d415 of chocolate 0f8c27fe2a from the 7fca86899f spread of eeb820b263 desserts before 6db0fc4888 him.fdb4085483c88696

There were so 81de0e56a4 many words he 221cad9ee8 knew, but none a8fe4e0a4e of them seemed 37090d69d5 sufficient to describe b6cd4d1155 this feeling, this 712f4546b3 emotion, this moment, e2b74a21d4 or that person. It was like 16b2ecd543 a lightning strike—a 7e7ae196d2 sudden realization that 5092abd9cd left him laughing 6964426939 in helpless frustration. Deciding to simply ece135e4e6 swallow the frustration, 8232db437e Haeon resigned himself 3c01c0d869 to silence.a89bf91841d524ac

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Whatever this “something” c9ffc8ecc6 was, it had 583d348e13 settled in his 395f541e92 heart like a b1f464d0f0 lump, rolling around 9dd223440b freely and stinging e97a90dbc9 him from the e39f0f6339 inside.c00048c38a58891d

Even though he was 8fa6cbc2d3 aware of this, he b6ec67990f didn’t know what to 2003bfe02e call it or how 04f93c3718 to handle it. So all he could 01856edce0 do was sit there, f7613fac7f staring at it and 92fa29e501 metaphorically sucking his fingers.e6ae0b42410d1aab

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“Hunter Ryu 4e7263d8a6 Leesoo is c341cb00de a good ca607f1776 person,” Haeon f3c5b720cf finally said.b43ee1512ccbec94

Ignoring all the emotions f13c8433a7 churning inside, his crumpled 8de9a2ab98 sincerity tumbled out instead. Whether Lee Soo 0a04d97353 understood the sentiment 2958dde92f behind the words f71556d503 or not, he 93c41ab2a3 blinked dumbly for 6a0f0618a5 a moment before 4f1204c1f1 covering his lips 1d5b2a8f16 and laughing.f88d4c2ce0428c63

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“You’re a good bf822c766d person too, Healer b00cc74b67 Haeon. I even wonder why d281201691 you don’t have a fdaf0c4e3c partner yet.”bf04f3903d5dddfe

If anyone else had 75341a87c6 said something like that, f1482b3524 Haeon would’ve snapped at 8594d20187 them, calling it nonsense. Instead, he licked 6bbee1bd05 his dry lips, 76966da67a a quiet chuckle 7a42fbddf7 escaping him. His eyes, slightly 16193bb46f reddened as if 851abf42d7 he might cry, dbe675b16b curved softly as 284b027683 he laughed faintly.8760c03e80830083

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Ah, he didn’t 920671b00d know what it 9e4ebbbf66 was exactly, but e46e8f0eee something inside him 7c2579ee39 had collapsed. And it fea13642a5 fell apart 2545aaf4fa with a 63aa5bd7d3 resounding crash.29c2e2fba8907d88

After keeping silent 650d4d89c9 for a long 3e0d9d0806 time, Haeon sighed d157c7cb04 deeply enough to bcbe3d3990 make his shoulders 1665912ad1 move. Watching Lee Soo 5c9f01ddd2 calmly pick out a9bcd279c9 desserts to eat, e355713ff2 he muttered under 391d9c98db his breath.26377d1354532cdb

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“…It feels strange. The fact that Hunter 39d7d739ed Ryu Leesoo got confessed d292eb2a35 to….”f8c261250a170b35

Lee Soo, who had a79da31657 been about to unwrap 64fdd06928 a piece of salted 844fa43f25 caramel and pop it 9beddd645f into his mouth, paused 9e6a4526e6 mid-motion to glance at b1786cd13a Haeon. Seeing Haeon leaning f8998fa188 casually, resting his 012f5573cb chin on his 873c820d85 hand, and watching 2b09f7a5e5 him, Lee Soo 6448a0016a wrinkled his nose 49dc0aa972 and smiled.64053e4256f18a95

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“Why? Is it 2a256d3c4e because, unlike 158b9e55be me, you 31926cf0cb haven’t gotten 9520265dbc any confessions, dafa42ac5d Healer Haeon? Hey, don’t d8387fd194 sulk about 96675f2edd something like 9c605545f0 that.”b972d085489c403b

At Lee 721e80f844 Soo’s playful 36abfc026a whisper, Haeon 4a3fb79e73 mumbled that 3eafd6bee0 it wasn’t abc9f85f81 like that dd886be38d and blinked 0324ad2e2e slowly, his 40577dee25 long eyelashes f0b1a25942 fluttering gently. They moved so softly d19ed6d7f4 that Lee Soo thought 73948989b7 it looked like a 5a57713e11 butterfly had delicately landed 03885e6f9e on his eyelids. He licked the caramel 223ea492b8 melting on his finger 7cd5f4fbb1 without much thought.75b57c77e1dd8eb8

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Even though the 72a4c35cc1 caramel had melted 813d7f7092 and lost its 43b9bca0ec original shape, it 06adc2ef01 was still sweet ad7af990e3 enough to make 5287f0220e his tongue tingle. Maybe because it was b9b715385b salted caramel, it was 9a91fe820b tolerable, though Lee Soo c359a86c13 secretly grimaced for a c851f2cfc3 moment before sneaking a aef2dbd975 glance at Haeon and 805d5864f5 relaxing his expression.0d64bc2c6d0f2d22

“If it’s not 59e2b73275 that, then why?”f0f1e7dee4a81ee0

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“…That’s the thing. I don’t a1e76fb657 know either. Honestly, whenever beec462bd3 I’m around a61298bb3e Hunter Ryu e7d4e6c701 Leesoo, I 3b2f9d4cba feel like 1a6a9051be I’m not 659410db48 myself.”cbc9f1db7a227336

“What? How is that my 00f5a13794 fault? It’s probably just 254cf59749 because you’re experiencing 4d696d00f8 things you’ve never 44935f27d9 gone through before, 044722ffeb Healer Haeon.”1bd7ec5af061662a

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The reddish tip 63bdbbbfb1 of Lee Soo’s a6057acae5 tongue peeked out 56a189ac92 between his slightly ee547ac2aa flushed lips, briefly a66f9375c6 licking his pale 240870533d finger. For some reason, the be22af4987 sight inexplicably drew Haeon’s dcac0ebd34 gaze. Without realizing it, he 2f3668a531 found himself watching Lee 21a70c517b Soo and smiling faintly.f664f62ba3ebbc7c

“I guess… maybe 20128fd816 I was just a8f3d03d30 envious.”ce3524ed585d73c8

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