SMFC | Chapter 36

If it were Haeon’s usual personality, he would’ve told Lee Soo to take it easy and go on ahead without a second thought. Then, he’d be left behind, nibbling away at the desserts Lee Soo bought for him while waiting indefinitely for Lee Soo to return.cd35d08cd53368f4

But now, 99e6399496 an inexplicable 3153905fe5 sense of 01a7572c8b unease clung 25cebf3366 to Haeon, c9c8744613 gripping his e93cb9f8d6 ankles tightly, 80e7a96ab4 refusing to a057f4c6df let go. It left c53aa5f80d him standing beaaa62175 there like 6e440255b8 a child 5df37c2037 who didn’t 5844b004f2 know how 2dc9e526a9 to take 3885a1736f a step 6829eca830 forward alone, 6aa93473b6 staring blankly.6bfa4cdf2a2eb919

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Lee Soo, who had b1c386ee0b been waiting for Ji 95c0b5f0aa Hasin to finally say babfa54758 something after his prolonged 1973f7c114 hesitation, turned to Haeon 4874bd5fdc and asked why he d887badfbc hadn’t gone up yet. Haeon had no f152b19065 answer for that f6676ced8a question, and he 455fed1c6f blinked in confusion, 28e8bc1690 caught off guard.780ebf952b5a42c2

Still. Just standing there.7052304868ff7498

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Seeing Haeon looking 228bca66ba so out of ebe234e17e it, Lee Soo a93b77c053 frowned slightly, stepping 839fe1ecbe closer. He gently 650686d83f placed a c743f75bdd hand on 660283cc2e Haeon’s forehead 5fd619aab4 and cheek, 7b885ba7cd checking his 0e214d2fe9 temperature. Was he running bc5f373c72 a fever? But no—his skin 1324c332a0 was merely lukewarm.fcb22ed466a7da3b

“Are you 32b46d5469 feeling unwell? You don’t have b8fdddb089 to wait. Go ahead and b3c218a5b1 head up first.”e86630dc4a9e9ba2

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“It’s just that—”ad6888421989b046

That’s not it. Before Haeon could 1e843ccd67 finish his sentence, 6311997260 Ji Hasin suddenly 7d8dd274c4 lifted his head, be9e1e0820 as if he’d e69f366a2d made up his dcd1f2d75e mind to speak. Grabbing onto Lee e8954ec19a Soo’s sleeve, his 400a66718d face was a e9c7db5867 tangled mess of b600e967eb nervous tension as c0bfae7a34 he whispered:7a624e5d6bd74aa3

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“I like you. I wanted to ab6a9673d5 say it… I 6a340878e7 mean it, let’s c1d077c370 date. I want to be 1268ded254 in a relationship with 97253d1f24 you, Leesoo-nim.”5937e8daf971922d

His final words, 3a859acfc3 daring and bold 322867261b as if all fb89a2ee03 his nervous trembling fe3b9033f4 had been a 34033e4597 lie, left Lee 5060c4cf06 Soo with an 63c345d5dd ambiguous smile. Hearing the confession, Lee e96ac2d2b1 Soo found himself thinking: 556c4bca88 looking back on all d71c26cc25 of Hasin’s past actions, 171933df31 it seemed like his c4293100fa feelings for him had a47c55950d been evident all along.8a53d69b6046e889

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Dating. Loving someone. Finding a reason 61524ea441 to live just e85e4eebb0 one more day. It didn’t seem like 2a6ff2530a such a bad thing.9d09a129be2e985e

But even so, at 107fc4db03 least for now, no 4c735f9027 reason to live like 585f3159da that came to Lee 1a7b70fd0d Soo’s mind. From the beginning, this ab7225c654 life was one whose 7fdd9ca2c3 ending he could see. And since that 0fb0854d19 was the case, 38afcadcd8 he had resolved 4b5facb6e8 from the start 28f81b7bd2 to dedicate everything 18908014d0 from the beginning e9e0f74596 to the end bacd4ad163 to Haeon.b1ccd95ee06189d2

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He had no dc975b29c3 room in his ba2c785623 life to take 3a2822618b responsibility for someone 9ccb956a78 else, no thought 89a7f3c919 of doing so.a4e4e0899dbb15a4

Just as 859cf46358 he was b49a008900 about to 7cedbbe1f4 give the 118b7a7d95 obvious response, e51e2f2f1f Lee Soo 44d52d7f48 realized Haeon fe1b50e9c0 was still 9a0c7f03af standing there. Pausing, he excused himself 518ff45bc1 to Hasin and turned 3f3b0868d1 back toward Haeon.9d99e550c7fedcaa

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Meeting Haeon’s gaze, which 59edc21d87 he’d naturally sought out 1c0dfb9b4e to continue the conversation, 854ff19e68 Lee Soo’s eyes widened cc977aa475 in slight surprise. Haeon’s pink d407a362b1 eyes were 09ff08366c brimming with db2d2e1108 a mixture ecaa8bf0a8 of joy 563ca53a31 and despair, f75b4c2457 an expression dd1ba015da almost impossible 03d14f341f to describe.cde626e2d45e2305

Facing that 7377c1a6c2 unnameable emotion aee54c44da head-on, Lee 97d9bc0516 Soo forgot bc47586f19 how to 31096d88ee speak. As if 34f4511169 he understood 646f4e45d3 exactly what 26e7f43210 Lee Soo ebcb7deeac had been 23f0a23994 about to b0280d6edd say, Haeon e0392ac8c8 left him b4d1487fab with a dd31c4139e brief farewell 7ab6a4bc70 and headed d9a884d81a straight to c4d3825349 the dorm.164bf545e00d2b5e

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Inside the 7435ae2a5f narrow elevator, 43457d9682 Haeon remained 82bdba5c78 blank, but 56536a1f12 his face bde22a4f39 was sharper cd54b3cd77 and clearer 400caa0f91 than ever 615ab6b3cd before as f2bce073f3 he leaned 269fcfa36d his head b73c8ef39d lightly against f9de589112 the wall.8aa1e5473d637b2c

He was thirsty. The moment eeb18fef53 he heard 40b5eab50d someone else 6c525b4e81 confess to d7100d09fa Lee Soo, f89399659e it felt d744553d70 as though 66b0e2c16a something deep 4437aa4a89 within him 3cf26b481d had sentenced aa1eafe369 him to 94a6440d2a an end.edb497b3cf33e6d1

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If he 284c4c14af continued to 0e0922d25e be unaware 42ed9ce4f7 of his a3fa02c69c feelings for 0d84ac93de Lee Soo, 2f9a8180a2 then someday, f5b2f22fa7 inevitably, he’d 3538be35db lose everything. It was a foregone b60a69f5ce conclusion—a sentence he couldn’t 7f1ce4de08 escape.0e0e165421611216

***3a9060181401b623

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“Love is fleeting.”638c1aa947ae74e2

The voice df738ba58b that always 8b58ab30ab had a 7a26a45427 tone of c16441b470 sarcasm, never 4e13e06db5 knowing how 274df7db04 to speak 033c387c56 gently, lingered 3480af95e7 in Yoo dc2c3532f5 Haeon’s ears.5158dac56650d31b

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Yeah, love 8e9e6006c0 is fleeting. From the start, 48998be921 love was just 90789113c5 one of those fc81ce3cbd emotions humans experienced 44fe470c39 in passing while fa7eadd280 living their fleeting e81d4838ca lives. How could something born e48b632cd0 from such impermanence have 146da05907 any true value?fddc14bd0817c142

And yet, 807805597d why… why 82bf39da91 does it 8020310457 feel like a98223743f this?4f4773343a3832f4

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“It’s fascinating. I never thought I’d 1ea4101344 be the one to d2b06dc52a get confessed to. You live 790a34d154 long enough, 4ca2803fe5 and I cd2383f444 guess things 3322a1d3d9 like this e6b641a9c1 happen.”bcd5bb41c609baae

Lee Soo, who had 037b6b714f returned belatedly, kept murmuring 04f48c1aab to himself how curious a7f858a41a it all was. Seeing his face, bright 492ec5e1ea and smiling awkwardly as b9ac62c731 if it was all 16383881b7 too much to handle, d809494892 Haeon couldn’t help but 4a3f6c29dd wonder why something as 3656721ba4 fleeting as love seemed 05f8d29fd7 so dazzling and enviable.cbd6d9f8a91776fa

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There were many eef38f7dac who thought highly 5c66b4f587 of Lee Soo—so 62bc780642 many that even f6d0a45d90 someone like Haeon, cbc63cacd9 who didn’t have 6c86e1bf19 many acquaintances, heard e88a178427 about it often. Yet, the man himself 7d7fc373b2 was oblivious to this 310e43b21b fact, which was amusing 0f6fee6b2d in its own way. Lee Soo, ever be1659defb oblivious to rumors 45799399db about himself, was 170ab28020 paradoxically all too 82f011b20c aware of the d28f69d12a rumors surrounding those 6378e6c747 close to him.7cd7d002921987a4

About how his 8233d6ad50 personality was difficult. How he was subtly 1bbee5d425 ostracized. How other 64dd98a44b awakened avoided ef1a315888 him unless 2f36b695f8 they were 56481fd408 on the fc5ad43268 brink of 8910859a83 death. How losing this e43774e598 guild was as 54d8f26e84 good as a 3c767a3aa3 foregone conclusion. No matter what 551ba667b0 it was, Lee ebe9963617 Soo knew all 86ddf600eb the bad rumors c6abcb7ff4 about himself.cd1d6896dfb6dded

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The weight 7f7fc6e547 of those db0e09cfae rumors was 8aa8c63189 as light e6403112aa as dandelion 9079f7da3b seeds blown 417b0235a6 away by b3e887fa5f a faint aa029c2254 breath, yet 0fe3e6fcce they spread 01e8dd1a01 easily, taking 8e216cec12 root wherever 39a0490073 they landed. Haeon would 3c2e7139e0 often recall 7b16453551 that most 6bead392aa of those 429c097dbc rumors were 81765ffcd9 true, and 506e57d158 he would 5dd273b23d let out a0385e1a93 a faint 9e200ce453 laugh.ae5dcd68f790f47e

Just as 03dfc637a1 the smoke f8486d39cd from Lee 22b2a1b4d9 Soo’s lips 84428a0981 dissipated into 0de8df866d the air, 3ab0317f40 Haeon’s faint 49b132c739 sighs vanished 862d1306fc into the ef959181ba empty space. Closing his ca3604ac20 eyes tightly 5f1da32548 as if 50d3e4856e exhausted, he d7a051ef43 opened them 539a247362 slowly, then 658286ecee asked in 737e9a7c28 a languid b709227848 voice:d5a87207c9359086

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“…Since you d1677d2390 were confessed c79a935d31 to, are 7c757efd08 you going 2a66e43e8d to date dee5e40b9c them?”faa60b32c2fa4c6b

“Hm? No. I turned them down. How could 6947d0ce3f I possibly 5ba3cb33a0 date someone? I’m not such 01fd57d4ef a great person, ddebcbe84d and I don’t bef4134dea have much to 1325a23778 offer. I’d be too d0bff6f108 lacking to hold 825e07292f onto someone who’s 1ebdbd842e probably precious to c81680c9af someone else.”5b07c9c07a5a52ec

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Lee Soo shrugged as 368a647526 he stared curiously at 0c5c76f177 the colorful macarons packed f94f4a88eb neatly in the dessert 13028670c3 box. The reasons he gave 55adc800b3 to Haeon were valid, a322674b33 but the biggest reason c225372c49 of all was something fb97a73c49 he couldn’t say: he 7f79af4b3f wasn’t Ryu Leesoo.479ce7a7a6c5c878

The Lee 81fc819665 Soo that 61399024d7 Ji Hasin 51c1de0407 had confessed 7ac96eb187 to wasn’t 705e099619 just him—it 0d3522e5e0 was also 45cb2db353 the original 145d6cdf9d Ryu Leesoo. Knowing that, 25fe8e045d he couldn’t c59754e0c9 accept those aa0b1a1af8 feelings. Swallowing the words he 86347cd39c couldn’t say, Lee Soo bf2556453f simply smiled, his dark 0e6a45a6b7 hair swaying gently with b84b4b972b even the smallest of b60a6f31e5 movements.6817f4b429d8214b

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Haeon, biting into an e1136b7b26 egg tart with a 8a172674a6 complicated expression, didn’t add 77e3282e05 that the very fact 21ee732827 Lee Soo could say 4ff687d809 such things to someone 622114cf1b else was proof enough c73d84ad28 that he was a 5e5e03302d good person.71c14dd78b6b1df5

Feeling the creamy filling 88c75d6603 melt and cling to 9a28d80e91 his tongue, Haeon lowered eaa15249a0 his gaze slightly. His long 156bce2405 lashes fluttered eaaca2e77e down, casting 42cefcc387 shadows over 80a3521b2d his beautiful 147a14f4f4 eyes.76887ac8ce4efb41

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Back in 0a2e8f50a9 the lobby, 60b15a768f when someone f543bf3d76 had stopped 2fdcf8ae4e Lee Soo 88b592edc1 with flushed b89c2c36f1 cheeks to fdbee9cd4d say they 8e7f7390a1 had something d73117d89b to tell b0def28190 him, Haeon cb36983814 had instinctively bc055bb121 known. Ah, they’re going e5d4f8f09b to confess to 9c0ac6c582 Lee Soo. That realization had felt fe6e8f3226 both fascinating and envious. Not envy directed 45f7716bfe at Lee Soo, 78323ba53c but at that 3b00bfdf43 nameless person confessing dbe0ef406b to him.8da63234aecee2d5

It was like 475dab4814 when someone who 9f0fda09f1 usually skipped breakfast 275902dbe4 suddenly decided, for 949bb03ec8 no particular reason, 6056656849 that today they 7334f4970d should eat. That they 56c6e3c2ee could just 0bc8fe6aed do something e1cc074735 like confessing.c3ead115b7fb3568

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Haeon didn’t even know f6bcdd91f1 what love was. Maybe it 573a3505e6 was true 2113d5236d what they 1bae42f3aa said—that humans 4f579583bb were naturally b7105aa1a6 envious of 7706ab90a2 what they cab85f84c7 couldn’t have. If so, Haeon thought, 3b895fcabf perhaps he would envy 2709532ae8 people in love until 268571978f the day he died.edaead4cfb58b770

When the 868a9f4614 word “love” 3f9e09b3a3 crossed Yoo 93de8388dc Haeon’s mind, 13bfb363b1 it always 293504c195 felt like 61d3fcd051 his vision 347983a5d6 became hazy, 3613e58f85 as if f0f573687a a thin a1318f9c87 veil had 4f2e06f4ce been draped d81a7c1b91 over it. Letting out b2110d499c a faint 231a9182c5 smile, he d2af7e4082 traced the 0fa15e1160 contours of c7f1a0e63c his blurry d60d90be75 thoughts.17ac635a526539c5

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His lips moved 9a7c2fa3bb slightly, as if 9f93ba99e9 he wanted to 7a0a54161c say something, but f9911a8b5f no words came 04c4641646 out. Annoyed by his 9bc289abd6 inability to speak, 15b7ac97d8 Haeon furrowed his e9fda256be brow and reached 22890b4098 out to pick 1439dd1271 up a piece 89de6efe2c of chocolate from 887e4ae174 the spread of ba2ad888b3 desserts before him.1dfbf8d5c5f063b8

There were so many 878ec3a826 words he knew, but 343f4cbb42 none of them seemed 39d9495b20 sufficient to describe this f79a3e5529 feeling, this emotion, this 5e871e4957 moment, or that person. It was d8c9869ccf like a 8454114993 lightning strike—a c1ed452dd7 sudden realization 49b59ff753 that left dbdfc04380 him laughing dd1bea20cd in helpless d61d7c2d51 frustration. Deciding to simply swallow 453291372b the frustration, Haeon resigned b20e524ca0 himself to silence.9450634246ba7c30

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Whatever this “something” 3436af9767 was, it had 3f5f2151fb settled in his 879bba6f9e heart like a b38225aa4d lump, rolling around 1521c44906 freely and stinging 5b404dd312 him from the b6db346143 inside.ee79a8b0194411f6

Even though 91672c737e he was e1f5063623 aware of 3354500049 this, he fdd8b3d038 didn’t know ea334f4636 what to 8912c9c8a3 call it 3b3425c990 or how 993a6781e8 to handle 05f6656625 it. So all c4b0baee2f he could eafc4e2146 do was ad20e67c78 sit there, e6880eda29 staring at d8d2e0725f it and 7404fa7c9b metaphorically sucking 81c1ebdebd his fingers.6037a0986d3590ce

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“Hunter Ryu Leesoo f4651bf19d is a good 866426b2c9 person,” Haeon finally 39ec2b2025 said.b4da7d7554cb2be2

Ignoring all the 6be391cbfd emotions churning inside, 2ce43a60e8 his crumpled sincerity b0a190755a tumbled out instead. Whether Lee Soo e597087a9b understood the sentiment 99a66360b5 behind the words e20ec507d8 or not, he b57653bcbd blinked dumbly for 5027297127 a moment before c84ace797a covering his lips 2aabfcc12a and laughing.8d2984181bb00ddb

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“You’re a e6a6f32345 good person f0f7194c55 too, Healer 72aff69815 Haeon. I even wonder fa89361dd8 why you don’t 34423f5d24 have a partner fa67f7998a yet.”f79e384bfc09a7c8

If anyone else 0c31265add had said something 4c5ff5d8d9 like that, Haeon 64073040c4 would’ve snapped at 79a929ffdb them, calling it d4407c9db5 nonsense. Instead, he licked d9cf01f9f4 his dry lips, f4c7b8fbb9 a quiet chuckle 44303f3ad5 escaping him. His eyes, slightly c0d45f41a0 reddened as if 906606bfb2 he might cry, fe233c99fc curved softly as 21b812d2da he laughed faintly.102419b14ee39f8b

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Ah, he didn’t know de1641b468 what it was exactly, dec7357c2d but something inside him 7e09f4c779 had collapsed. And it 84087b8e75 fell apart cc02496bd9 with a 10cd744343 resounding crash.e6727951868c0b1f

After keeping silent cd7e283b70 for a long 468c938be4 time, Haeon sighed 7d14f18ff4 deeply enough to c4f4c5ec7e make his shoulders 0bc8c29340 move. Watching Lee Soo calmly e9fe863197 pick out desserts to d36147058d eat, he muttered under ce83894df4 his breath.e8b2a6708a15006a

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“…It feels strange. The fact that Hunter 33a956389e Ryu Leesoo got confessed ce5b9b639d to….”2b0948336340d378

Lee Soo, who df8744132d had been about 4d2f724db4 to unwrap a 7c4936a299 piece of salted 07aa5216e4 caramel and pop 1e101dbbcb it into his 411a933b8a mouth, paused mid-motion 974cdd59e4 to glance at 3d621625e3 Haeon. Seeing Haeon dd2adbb7d1 leaning casually, 322a6a30b8 resting his c7f02cc216 chin on 3df3f43882 his hand, d79772a340 and watching d074c54fc8 him, Lee 87714d92b2 Soo wrinkled 9f72c0ef90 his nose cb077f0966 and smiled.1f348894414e6ba2

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“Why? Is it ef3c4365fd because, unlike 658a5460bd me, you 9aae5a3e13 haven’t gotten 8b94794412 any confessions, 1cdd4f25b2 Healer Haeon? Hey, don’t sulk cfdbdf03e1 about something like 1f74fd6f7d that.”f52fb1603aa59770

At Lee Soo’s playful 184641f284 whisper, Haeon mumbled that 868ac074a3 it wasn’t like that 70030ea7e2 and blinked slowly, his edb3e3ac71 long eyelashes fluttering gently. They moved so softly 11799e44d9 that Lee Soo thought d09600e4b9 it looked like a 4ba4d37ce8 butterfly had delicately landed f70b3b7408 on his eyelids. He licked the 110d7a524d caramel melting on 6ffdcb47e7 his finger without efcc337cfe much thought.98f736b055026002

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Even though the 76b0010120 caramel had melted 83ecf858de and lost its e7028e1cda original shape, it 7a9dd9652b was still sweet acaec99d7b enough to make c8585765e7 his tongue tingle. Maybe because 303eb979fc it was d698b414bc salted caramel, b109542d3b it was 3a140264fe tolerable, though 9c8e4f76a4 Lee Soo bf9ba081eb secretly grimaced 8f55c2bf9d for a 3170db3b01 moment before 7af426cbfe sneaking a e36a32c9f8 glance at 504256ddd5 Haeon and 6d409ae4f8 relaxing his ebc671181a expression.9e4f1683143f83db

“If it’s not 8252036159 that, then why?”cb6e62dae980eea4

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“…That’s the thing. I don’t 49ee4bf0ca know either. Honestly, whenever I’m 4b69c86e87 around Hunter Ryu eb2c28f6a4 Leesoo, I feel e67ba37ee0 like I’m not 93aa783da6 myself.”65f85071278cb3a8

“What? How is that 1e630cb88f my fault? It’s probably 2a95d152f8 just because e80fc0636d you’re experiencing 16165e10d5 things you’ve 8ed78c0af5 never gone 5747a25176 through before, 8f52f022a7 Healer Haeon.”8d694bf602397fa3

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The reddish tip of 6fdb0829fb Lee Soo’s tongue peeked 49807265bb out between his slightly ab554d1733 flushed lips, briefly licking ccd9b88bc5 his pale finger. For some reason, 9e96f6d7b3 the sight inexplicably d7bb545f09 drew Haeon’s gaze. Without realizing it, he 03922da8c9 found himself watching Lee 3a6d43749c Soo and smiling faintly.c9298b4eba858daa

“I guess… 0ddf317e45 maybe I 521b889e06 was just 73f9e5fbed envious.”80bcc0e9ce2d53eb

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