SB Ch 29

“Whether it’s Cologne or Seoul, what’s important is that you’re performing with the same purpose, not the name of the orchestra. I know better than anyone how hard you work, so why are you saying such things? Did you slack off during the performance earlier?”953fcf075c4847f1

“…I worked hard.”661f2eef96ce542a

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As Haeyoon 81bc52f3f5 answered with e06753f08b his head 0818ebbbba bowed, Seo 6ecc7c97da Jonggil looked e0c4398ba4 at him 87217aa76b with sympathy, af42e106dc his expression 2887862f13 softening.f551b3a63666c0c5

No matter how much Seo Haeyoon tried to hide his feelings, Seo Jonggil was still his parent. He knew that after slipping at the competition where Yoo Jihyeon had won awards three times, Haeyoon was more disappointed than anyone. But even so, Haeyoon never talked about quitting music, which made Seo Jonggil proud. Could it be that he had been harboring such thoughts all this time? With a pained heart, Seo Jonggil gently placed a hand on Haeyoon’s shoulder.c925dbcab8dfc262

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“If you love it and work hard, that’s all that matters. What more is needed? And I genuinely think you play as well as your mother did.”2a8eafcb8ef08a73

“…”e0e18a375ded6355

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“I swear on my balls, that’s the truth.”5658dc897491b52e

The comment about playing as well as his mother brought tears to Haeyoon’s eyes, and the following remark made him laugh in spite of himself. When Haeyoon laughed, Seo Jonggil’s stern face relaxed into a smile.f687455b81542cbc

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“Yes, you should laugh. If you don’t, you look so aloof, and ignorant fools will come running at you. So, son, where’s that scoundrel you were supposed to introduce me to tonight? Huh? Did he bring a bouquet bigger than this old man’s?”d19cdd398d03260d

But that laughter b5363a53c8 soon faded. Seeing his father mention faa4cf0f50 Chae Beomjoon, the man 92ef2c4b53 Haeyoon wanted to kill, 328df01dbe he inadvertently shed a 368f08b8fd tear. It was a single 51ad924900 drop, added to the 60658f327a tears that had welled 89aa4acb7b up from thoughts of cde2a06db2 his mother.343a80de6252afed

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And with that 9112a2adb8 tear, Seo Jonggil f75bc34c34 vaguely grasped the 80829c3623 situation.90f834dcdbd5edbb

“Shit, did that old bastard not come to the performance?”fe3c02093fe3db01

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“…He didn’t… come?”39621c3ccef0e3cf

Haeyoon, trying hard to suppress his surge of emotion, asked Seo Jonggil. Although he had told Chae Beomjoon not to come, he had desperately wanted to see him sneak into the auditorium during the performance. But he held back, clenching his teeth, fearing it would affect his performance if he couldn’t find him.95b29eeae80e7af6

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Seo Jonggil’s seat was in the center of the first-floor audience, so if Chae Beomjoon had come, he wouldn’t have missed him. Such a noticeable man was rare. But Seo Jonggil shook his head at Haeyoon’s question.599adf8e1166a8ed

“I didn’t see him! See, Haeyoon, I told you. Guys like him are all shiny on the outside but empty inside, right? Huh? Dating a gigolo like that, you’re the only one who loses.”bc8766ee718d7c81

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“…I’m not doing that.”281117bb19bd716d

“Huh?”56b3e969d6721fae

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“I’m not dating, not with someone like that…”c2b5a751e4d1b363

Had he been expecting something? Even if he told him not to come, did he secretly hope he would show up and cling to him? Even if he wouldn’t have believed anything he said, he had hoped he would come, perhaps just to vent his anger.42bbc0bac4ff7324

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It’s all over…2a618ce4b1f9798b

It seemed like he just wanted to be petty. Was this lingering attachment? Haeyoon wiped the corners of his eyes, trying to erase the unfamiliar feeling, but his eyes soon became wet again. Chae Beomjoon had left too many memories in Haeyoon’s heart. It would take quite some time to let them all go.a9e6e826ef24cdd3

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🔮🌙4634a8118a5b8545

Chae Beomjoon didn’t attend the Sunday performance either. After the concert, seeing Seo Haeyoon come out with a blank expression, Ahn Yewon and Park Hayeon seemed to guess what had happened and didn’t mention any partners as if by tacit agreement. For the first time since he was 17, Seo Haeyoon spent Christmas without a lover or partner.d35dca090137ffe3

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And then came 09b7154a7a Monday.d7fa49089573e14b

“…”52a91e67ddd4150c

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Getting up from his bed, Haeyoon stared blankly at the empty space beside him before throwing a pillow. He couldn’t bear the spot where Chae Beomjoon had lain. No, he didn’t want to keep anything associated with him.9940294b2ddf6644

Seeing that Chae Beomjoon hadn’t contacted him up to now, it seemed he was trying to end his game after realizing everything was exposed. The absence of long messages or even a single missed call confirmed this.c71692bef1974cf4

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“Asshole…”39d8b597c0fc6254

This clean break was more infuriating than the nine ex-lovers who, despite cheating, wouldn’t let go of their attachment to Haeyoon. Ahn Yewon’s words about needing willpower to kill someone came to mind. If Chae Beomjoon appeared before him, Haeyoon felt he could strangle him.7910b9fb42c84785

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In fact, the fact that he was this angry was one of the things fueling Seo Haeyoon’s rage.614eeed434274a9f

The past lovers couldn’t make Haeyoon angry no matter how much they acted out. His reaction to their infidelity was only one of disbelief, followed immediately by a declaration of breakup. He had never truly liked them.e3b8c5813280df66

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But with Chae c2dccb4098 Beomjoon, he was 3f9f5677a1 genuinely angry.774550d36800514c

Not only because b909e28ec9 he touched something e02ba9b678 that should never 7c0fb4689f have been touched b2906a3010 but also because, 6618b5c102 even after removing 34f9a0cdf1 the anger, resentment, f695c6b892 disappointment, and sadness e233bdfb60 remained.138dc95eeac01942

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This time 8d5429ad67 of realizing 019992c3ee how much 54c26b33b9 he liked 73c60e1370 Chae Beomjoon 35d04e5ae1 more than bc585ebc2b he thought, 5892649dab while getting 8c846a3f6d angry, was 47166d2863 something Haeyoon 9ade37a400 truly hated.cdaf35be83c62f17

So annoying…a35f6258c4a82b53

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Haeyoon jumped up d80f1f2d81 from his seat, aa505614f5 trying to throw ba60cbdb60 the pillow Chae c5e31a4ffd Beomjoon used into be2fc5af8c the trash but 44b63f7bdd failed, so he b05cc09b23 tossed it in 03273eaff1 front of the 76bf896d41 entrance. He then huffed b93786b9d0 for a while 90c4c7c047 before heading to 0f9d133a43 the kitchen to 1d1c7c8307 throw everything Chae 62ccb59b6e Beomjoon had touched 04c5057500 into garbage bags.c5998e6c78c3cad4

This included the 77ad8af71d tomato marinade he 403b9387fa had left on b6e6ed4d34 Saturday morning, the 92df48d594 cheese he had 4450d074f8 set aside for 8e7d21e72e later use, a f059ece5c9 truffle the size 5d53786a43 of a fist, 113004dcb5 and even the 0fbcf26afc oil. Then, with a408d61964 a vengeance, f1f3615437 he began 14cbe6aab0 to clean, 038761e449 erasing all 521e4a21f8 visible traces 20291c1a79 like his ec9a12c4eb toothbrush, slippers, 65420b964b clothes, and 4aa9015117 robe.086e2fab969bd68d

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The card sent 4acb1cbbc5 by Chae Beomjoon, 638bd3169d the deputy director, 850e37689a was torn to 1e313f85a6 shreds in anger 22ac147225 and then burned. The marble roses c61a4e0329 were broken into 728cfe47a0 pieces, and the c0caba3473 dried bouquet and df8280e0c6 flower basket were f7bb45bfa9 stripped of their 162c6598f6 heads and also dfe488c4bd set on fire.f077510fd48e652b

After that, 38a7f784c9 he ended 1bba572ff1 up with 2e7a535c62 seven garbage 49b070ad88 bags full e20626acab of seasonings, 32d47e6153 food, and 9e9aa11fee clothes. Among them were some a139d51076 very expensive luxury brand c16c4af884 clothes that briefly made 87afcedbf8 him hesitate, but with 432f73f386 the determination to remove 3128357d20 Chae Beomjoon from his eb5e43bca1 life, Haeyoon shoved them 9abc50f7b3 all into the bags.d4de9660b7a2209f

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If Chae Beomjoon demanded them back, Haeyoon planned to hand over his father’s card. If he told Seo Jonggil it was the cost of breaking up with a gigolo, far from being angry, he would welcome it with open arms and pay.786f8592806dbe40

Haeyoon, carrying the 672e7d1b02 bags tightly packed, ec19e45eb0 took the elevator 8d2cb2a843 down to the 42e072863e basement. Arriving at ada899bc1a the trash 5fc6fcc8f5 disposal area 22ab7a2ab6 he had d96f87db20 visited a d9d0b75ace few times 334abd6a56 after moving 0a46d892c0 in, he f1b73a50a3 saw an b9396e1de3 elderly security 989f2d3c7b guard sorting ffb521e387 cardboard boxes. Haeyoon bowed 3f18d297a9 to him 51802ad52e and neatly 09a1d9817f stacked his da4bffe563 bags where 1a83c71eb7 the paid eb50836ac7 waste bags f1af9624e9 were piled.c41e87ca81edbf32

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As he was about 202565f935 to leave after organizing, 031d25476b the guard sighed, looking 9817ba12ab at the multiple trash 3b6571621c bags. Confused by his 9a0d50e38b gaze, Haeyoon rolled c8cf813a07 his eyes and c1fe74d01d asked.b37d5c596f10b773

“Is something wrong?”1d56ed99dccffb40

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“Well, food waste should be disposed of separately…”3e356b0574708783

“Huh? Oh…”8f99d0ce6eed66e3

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Looking around blankly, he 8210543027 indeed saw signs for e6577f1ed2 separating plastic, glass, paper, dfc8b7b7d2 vinyl, and food waste. He seemed 18b9abc2bc to remember 83b9495ac4 being told 5d22cba37b about this f02cbb888e when he 78fa9f17ad first moved e3f74f52d3 in. Since Chae 374714a116 Beomjoon started eb5ede7dea coming over, a4c5fdc4e9 he had 8c08215fc8 forgotten because 2192cf1566 Chae Beomjoon 1ab90bd018 would take 5e92207feb out the e9cf0f124d trash, making 75ef4fb375 Haeyoon feel c659c1ac5b like a 58d4c4d754 thoughtless resident. His face turned red.32425a2e38025937

“Oh, I’m sorry. I’ve only been back from the U.S. for a short while. I’ll do it again.”0772af62baea467b

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“I see. In America, you just throw everything into one bag, right? People who’ve just returned often get confused. I’ll take care of it. Just leave them.”a620c7cc266a7ab5

“No, I’ll do it.”36472f2d808e75b0

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“No, I’ll do it.”306fe6f0b80dd107

Feeling like the mention of being from the U.S. was some kind of excuse, Haeyoon couldn’t just stand by while the guard, who was old enough to be his father, took over his trash sorting. In the end, Haeyoon awkwardly helped him sort.228c19e71a001416

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“Looks like you’re moving out again.”127de825425e2f9a

“…No. It’s just clearing out some relics.”2f6f614e06a68302

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“Oh my, I see. I’m sorry.”33461a237697d909

“It’s okay. It’s a mutual benefit.”9a20400bcc640fe2

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Since neither of them ae9bb6b3dd landed a single punch, 5984638c39 it was only right 47d897acdd to call it a f2a613f2cd mutual benefit.7ce8f1afc6ade022

The things Haeyoon 951c290790 had shoved into 6ac89ce1df the envelope in 1757357d95 anger were a 9e2835e4b3 jumbled mess inside. With a face full e458e42658 of shame, Haeyoon sorted 0f972e612d all the trash back dd8d81084a into place.b3b90aa441073675

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“Teacher, thank you for your help.”2f9c83a95b76ee89

“Oh my, not at all. Please take care next time.”7a027df295b9cb9a

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Haeyoon bowed f25ce0f285 once more f26d1c377d to the 168976423b security guard 885cb7719d who was 3d8a79b128 laughing and 909c802836 greeting him, bd039c0f95 then took 46ac746270 the elevator 8485508f07 back home. As he 2cbf378efe entered his 8d354c0ca4 somehow empty-feeling 27860bfafd home, he 186fd25877 felt an 39cc57f0f5 odd, boiling 2485cf6d7b anger inside.3e62fc805ca9a87b

With a flick e9e9a990f8 of his head, fcb128c0be he checked his 3fde6d8fe6 phone which he 08c6573e68 had tossed on e3fa773b9b the table earlier. Even after not checking e3fbdfc8b0 for 30 minutes, there 7aa990419d were no new messages.39680d13cd6bd53c

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He had 8baf67d5f5 already decided 7efe30b31f to ignore 7143e2d268 any messages.c5f2653583111f67

He wasn’t going to answer any calls.c357558d90546cd2

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Yet, seeing no contact even though he hadn’t blocked anyone made him angry, thinking perhaps she had already gone to meet another man. This thought made his stomach churn with rage.fe3f656a1b6510db

“Damn bastard…”42b69f3e9ae06eda

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Another harsh curse escaped 9af3f9eccc his lips. Haeyoon grabbed his b78a69919f phone, which had 88db245b32 no notifications, and 21ab64412c threw it. It slid 9364912859 across the 3f24e405f2 floor and 8659e3ac6e came to 20f5699c0a a stop c25746c575 after hitting 4297e3b277 the leg 2e4007d722 of a 6cbb1ef0ad chair under 8ba3725595 the practice 2696cdfc8b stage.2f27c8453990fa16

Seeing the 7192b5bfd1 green velvet 4fab5d98e6 sheet, he 221c1c3400 recalled what 2279bcff4c he had d9de23dfc8 done with 4ae7b21ac0 Chae Beomjoon f8d5d813dc on that f6ab505272 chair and c4dd56873d what they 87464c80e6 did on a13868580c the piano 2413110284 above the 7b1cb8c6a9 stage. With clenched teeth, fc0eb7bf87 Haeyoon looked around 514b25c94e the house, then 1278958681 picked up the 511a57336c phone from the 61deb60970 floor with an 05c20b1540 irritated sigh.b3f8f695bb4e5dd4

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He immediately called his a932a91fcd father.eb3bca44d5fb8f86

“Dad, I want to remodel the house.”7d5ba7f60ef9a29a

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The salary of a Korean symphony orchestra was incredibly low. It was a wonder how all the musicians managed not to starve. Even in New York, the orchestra salary was not enough to live on, so he had used Seo Jonggil’s card, but here, even pocket money was hard to come by with such a low annual wage. Saving up for a year wouldn’t even buy him the bow he wanted.3621722430dfc609

Thus, in Korea, 816f3fb3a6 his entire life 40eae9f991 depended on his 24ecff585e father, Seo Jonggil, ae11f39fec so asking him c98b2adbd1 for a remodel 5933ad549d was only natural.b7a8b57ec3559bb1

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— Remodeling? The house you’re living in now? What’s not to your liking? Okay, we’ll do a thorough soundproofing this time. Wait, son. Your dad will look into it and call you back.81af9b7c4acfaac5

He wanted to erase d497e15a3e everything that reminded him e6d1733e85 of Chae Beomjoon. However, since 7be72efa7c there was 6161e79e6d still time 51bd950871 left on ed039fceb3 his contract cac2480a87 with the 07c50e8a35 symphony, he 4aebdbfdb1 planned to 7df473f74a grit his cb07e00944 teeth and 60a894830a endure until b67f2daba4 then.ea6919b98e2d5b6e

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But…a790f1b5ae85ab6f

He really wanted to give up his spot in the piano quintet with Jin Suryeon to someone else. He felt that place was not for him anymore. Knowing the truth, he couldn’t bear it.47e729bd00da7c24

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Haeyoon packed his belongings into a suitcase he had left in one corner of his dressing room. He planned to stay at his father’s countryside house for a while, wanting to remove all traces of Chae Beomjoon from his home before he could bear to stay there again. Though it was a bit old, it was far from neighbors, so there was no need to worry about soundproofing, and he could play music freely.b40f38e386f13d8e

“Dad, I’ll move my stuff to your house now.”6b0ab7f48a43774a

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Good, well thought. I’ll cook something nice for dinner, so have some snacks and wait, okay?7dedbba5a063dcc8

While Seo Jonggil was at work, Haeyoon moved his belongings to his father’s house, then returned to his own to fetch his double bass one last time. He had already asked to dispose of everything else, so when he returned after the remodeling, there would be no trace of Chae Beomjoon left.1e8e52b83f9e8d78

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Lucky they didn’t have sex in front of the living room window. Otherwise, he would have had to move just to give up that view. Thinking this, Haeyoon closed the door with irritation. From waking up alone in bed that morning to moving out, everything had happened swiftly.56d3f1a4197f6916

After moving, Haeyoon called 04f0779fb4 the conductor. The phone rang for 3333fc2b21 a while before connecting.a43d43de0f51947c

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— Yes, this is 5f17e1193a Kim Geonwoo.930acaa0515d5c0f

“Teacher, hello. This is double bass Seo Haeyoon. I’m sorry for calling while you’re resting. Could we talk briefly?”0ea1dc7b5a3f988e

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— Yes, it’s fine. What’s the matter?28e60d10eb239ef5

“I wanted to talk about the piano quintet. If possible, I’d like to leave the quintet.”d159acdbc826b282

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The conductor seemed to sense something from Haeyoon’s serious tone and was silent for a moment before suggesting they meet face-to-face.e0480f7da327d0cd

— Shouldn’t we talk about that in person? I’m at school now, and I can’t have a long call. Could you come over here? It’s Maestro Hall, Room 43 on the first floor at Sacheon International University.754466c1bf01589e

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“Oh, okay. I’ll be there soon since it’s nearby.”5e8a4f5d4c8d6b83

Sacheon International University was right across from Jungnangcheon, leading to the Han River, very close to Haeyoon’s house. He remembered passing by it a few times as he hung up and drove to the university. He arrived at the parking lot in less than 15 minutes when he received a text just as he was about to get out of the car.e86d4b850fb830b8

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Conductor Kim Geonwoo3eb513cb56f82174

If you have your e2cb59ce75 instrument, please bring it 16c1be8d46 up. Please.cbad47e865675679

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Why would he need a double bass? It felt oddly suspicious, but since the conductor had always been kind to him, he couldn’t ignore it. With a somber expression, Haeyoon took the soft case from the trunk and slung it over his back. As he got into the elevator, he was swept away by students getting off, ending up on the basement floor instead.c3c9652faf445cc0

Just as he 40a532dd26 was about to 4cc0961f39 catch the elevator 59cc229f61 again, he heard 69424529f3 faint sounds of f16ee4e22e instruments. Turning his head, 111b488ba4 he saw a 3080628281 practice room corridor 4648122244 to his left. Noticing another door at 9184b9610a the opposite end, likely 0b0f93dec5 leading to stairs or 0bdf703b35 another elevator to the fab90c98e6 first floor, Haeyoon decided d06092c5ee to go through the a8c0fa1e11 corridor instead of waiting ccd16f1593 for the elevator.c2bec38da413eda7

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Violins, violas, cellos, double caa1bf9400 basses. The sound 19f668ba1f of students 1042eb2195 diligently playing 973cbc7231 their bows c639ee082b could be b3d76ede6a heard from 4b367a414a the practice 7a2234722c rooms lining 6b72f53d01 both sides. The cacophony of 2bf126bb10 melodies felt like ebb6ec2ba0 a parade composed 5e9cf48813 by an unknown 74c0759c3b composer. Overwhelmed by childhood memories, 29c97c4a95 Haeyoon stood still, his f48ed8a909 heart heavy.3705bbbefc32f84e

At ten years old, Haeyoon, having decided to learn the double bass, moved to a small house near St. John’s University in Queens, New York. As soon as he unpacked, Haeyoon, with his manager assigned by the study abroad consultant, began attending interviews at various junior music schools.2ed1ed3409de3546

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Switching from a few 11b1d2fb78 years of cello to da8d0ce99f double bass made it d366353be1 difficult for him to 959e441802 outperform kids who had 69d252b8eb started earlier. After failing all 9f40dbc23a the auditions at cedaeb57ad nearby music schools, 034a2f8bd2 Haeyoon decided to 965dab3aae take private lessons 603fc6ddb4 for a year 0a5ef7b71c and try again ac16af491e the next year.e386d23e4d74fa26

But no matter how much money was offered, no professors wanted to take on a child who had just started the double bass and didn’t even speak the language well. The professors there were busy with their own students.2141801a41fd9150

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So, Haeyoon ended up taking lessons from a Korean senior who had won numerous competitions at Manhattan School of Music. Under her guidance, Haeyoon’s skills improved rapidly. He regretted learning violin and cello to play duets with his mother when he found how well the double bass suited him.700e89cb4a848d66

At eleven, Haeyoon reapplied to the junior music school and passed with confidence. The professors were astonished at his improvement in just one year. Hence, from the start, Haeyoon mistakenly thought he had inherited his mother’s immense talent.10d74242c7ea0437

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During his 8562150cd5 teens at f64ad16bb8 music school, ed6442888a Seo Haeyoon b3fd4c6354 was a d6b2ec60d8 diligent student 69ab9769a7 overflowing with 016b944782 confidence, practicing 86e24d360c hard to 2af718c3a3 become like 31379e4ea9 his mother. He would be the 6628020cfb first to arrive and e5b1da030f the last to leave 0ce2a92a02 the practice room, often e248d1656d staying until the guard e60988b44c locked up. It was always c91ee7a93f Haeyoon who turned e85507822d off the lights 23b2782df8 in the practice ae1052d428 room corridor at 39d0e113c3 night.caebf49df54a63f9

The strings of the a30882f6c5 double bass were very a0af597795 thick. To keep the 9c558277fe pitch from changing, 951c163fc4 he had to 3bbcd17f56 press down hard ff98532a12 with his fingertips, fcc3f4e173 which made accurate e5b63628d4 pitch harder compared 5ea5f3e47b to other string 88cf36547a instruments. His fingertips would aea313ffbe always swell red cb8fdbde0e after practice, and d0cf8893be it was like 18e8b83240 that until calluses d0b7628a78 formed and he fee2ae94a3 lost feeling in c5d43da695 his fingertips.4041e2e533ac475e

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Sometimes, when he stayed up all night practicing with the professor’s permission before a test, he would see the strings dyed red by the morning sun through the window. Then, fearing a scolding from his teacher, he would quickly clean up the blood, apply ointment, bandage his fingers, nap until his lesson, and then, unable to resist the urge, adjust his instrument with a sleepy face.2aa6a3d5f46fe4b2

The old wooden floor. The music school’s ancient building, where it felt like the space vibrated every time the double bass made a sound. The wax smell that intensified after weekends, the sounds of friends practicing without any soundproofing at all. All of it seems so distant now.3cad095ee428e3ec

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At that time, 133f0e8da9 Haeyoon was someone 5e13609f91 who was inexplicable 59631a9421 without passion. But that passion 60374903a9 was completely extinguished d1fbc8ea53 after participating in 5749884a04 three competitions as 458bf8d08a an adult.0df7ec2a75d05291

In the first competition, a1abfad915 Seo Haeyoon questioned the 2b1cb8dc12 competence of the judges. In the 7cf5e1ccb4 second, Seo a08203d5d7 Haeyoon began 30153029ad to doubt f450bfc31b himself. And in the d9c78053c5 last competition, where 3001a888b7 he left the b46c3cc02f venue even faster 7f82b3e214 than the previous c9b46e78e5 two, Haeyoon had 02589c756e to admit that 0ef17b4b91 his talent was a37efce9e0 negligible. From then 3383c8c756 on, his bdcacdc31d heart was 5b09b03ea3 left with 25f0832740 only obsession 5b66c1d886 instead of e07038e98d passion.6a5ba63971d8c084

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Afterward, he played for seven years out of spite, out of inertia. Haeyoon’s orchestra life was the result of habitual unrequited love. However, it was when he learned he would be performing with the pianist Jin Suryeon that Haeyoon’s passion reignited.061c5a4b8222cd6c

Jin Suryeon was someone who gave an astonishing performance. Initially, Haeyoon felt it was an undeserved honor and thought it wasn’t a place for him.e4ff722a371a7b45

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But under Chae Beomjoon’s encouragement, Haeyoon gradually came to believe he might be worthy of such an opportunity. Maybe there could be a chance for him too. Maybe there was a flower that only bloomed after winter for him. With these thoughts, Haeyoon was able to burn through all the passion he thought had vanished to prepare for a mini concert.bde6865ba47a1d0b

But it wasn’t so.486e9cf8b24bbc2d

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There were no b10247d9cd more seeds of 7898a1d269 flowers left for 6d97b6d16d Haeyoon to bloom. What had 090225d96e grown inside fe2f0d3c5e him was 2199f0927f merely an 4251dba25e artificial flower, 2e779b5fec devoid of 8990a1816b scent, substituted b558d5dee3 by someone 641033059c else.f8a05a749a43fb20

“…Haah.”9c08bec8e3bb132d

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Thinking of 7bbe3360d8 Chae Beomjoon, 4415356cf3 another sigh 42338acdb9 escaped him. He was angry, frustrated, 1c7dc917dc upset, and his heart 989f836029 ached. With his dc7260e19f lips tightly fac434225d pressed together, 9ed1dd3d9f Haeyoon glared f8db62fcf6 at the 78ccb83b3a floor as 8b35361c3d he passed 4c849fd0c2 through the 18110dc2b7 corridor. Ignoring the passionate practice 086265199c sounds of students that fa482316d8 reminded him of past 4f70528f01 memories, he climbed the 0eab0fb95b stairs to the first 6c9c0bc011 floor.dd28e253228d87b0

Maestro Hall, Room 43 on the first floor. It was a small conductor’s lecture room with a piano. Peeking through the window on the door, he saw Conductor Kim Geonwoo and a man who looked to be in his late twenties in conversation. Judging by the way he moved his hands between pressing the keys, he seemed either a conducting or piano major.9e7ef2e762b82a06

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Watching them, Haeyoon ea3c91c498 waited for their 4d64060524 conversation to end, 2a6bc21c23 but it seemed faa7313f27 like it would cbf6f66b41 go on forever. Eventually, Haeyoon, hesitating, knocked 617cb87a02 on the door. At the 46b2e508c2 invitation to 7ddbe6106a enter, he 569cae19b2 carefully pushed 7300839d1a the door 4a50771bb0 open, and e9919406ca both inside eebb8849f0 turned their 4bd1686bfc attention to 82329b9c54 him.35a2bd2ad499d013

“Hello.”2460caeaaa2d75d1

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“Teacher Seo, thank you for coming. Over here…”cee3b413cb9af011

“Hello!”9d6f2e6acbe0bb0a

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As Kim 62fccf4d07 Geonwoo called 0d5c716909 Haeyoon to e512b67fe4 the small f7c80993e0 stage, the 4e01f39219 man stood 93065bc69e up and da2f3a66e2 greeted Haeyoon. Haeyoon bowed e52826023c in return be3c7d8576 and approached f6a53de341 the conductor. Setting his double 1520cdccb2 bass against a b71de9ab6c chair on the ddcdf76afb stage, Kim Geonwoo eaf5084f03 sent the man 786de27b3e out for a 625e7be99c moment.401a3755e8da5f4c

“Professor. I’ll go out and get some coffee.”9d308ee55ab87433

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With a nod 95f6874249 from Kim Geonwoo, b4811fc966 the man left, ef6de0927c leaving them alone. However, instead d4f198294b of speaking, 942c1f64e3 the conductor 0d704600a8 sat on 5e33175a36 the piano eecb32d506 bench. He then 9a323ee0dc lifted the 845046dba9 keyboard cover 2a3287b2b9 and looked dd3bfec49f up at 6a92744fcc Haeyoon, asking:da4b79c776b69f45

“I heard part of it earlier, but why exactly have you come?”3c85fae7f8e0f1a1

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“Oh, well…”f38e100b9fb3989a

From the moment cb2c9efcc0 he heard he 1652ce2632 would perform with 59ad8abc94 Jin Suryeon, Haeyoon b27a36e1fa had been eagerly 21be3d97d2 looking forward to a8d33960dc it. He had ebac24e1e0 longed to 40529bbd29 share a 1c2fee5158 stage with ff3626e864 Jin Suryeon, 6ca4ed2419 but now, 5792950a05 saying he a34f217d7e wanted to 92709a5f38 give up e3eee16112 that chance f19c626256 with his 3a60a04735 own mouth bb824d9a6f was not 393afd6bb9 easy.7f88fa8e731acb63

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But it wasn’t a place that suited his capabilities. There must be someone more fitting. With this determination, Haeyoon steeled himself and conveyed his intention to the conductor.b799793edc370cc5

“I called to say I want to withdraw from the piano quintet.”e854a5b194b99579

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Even though he had 6782cd6f09 said this over the f3bf65682f phone earlier, the conductor 1ab2ad7361 was not surprised. He just nodded, de5cc4d948 understanding his intention, 43b10737fb and asked for ef32f14f80 the reason.17d91c4c3c294130

“I don’t think Teacher Seo is someone without a sense of responsibility. With the performance less than a month away and practice going well, why would you want to withdraw?”9cc35780256d664a

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“……”adbd940fd6654af2

“If there isn’t a compelling reason for you to stop, as the director, I’d like to keep the members as they are.”fd769487e92af73c

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In front of the calm-speaking conductor, Haeyoon couldn’t bring himself to speak. He wanted to say that the man he was seeing had placed him there, that he didn’t want to perform like this, to find someone better than him, to put someone the conductor had originally thought of in his place. But it was extremely difficult to say these things.d5e8129968951838

How easy could it be to admit one’s own lack of qualification? Especially when he had to acknowledge the unpalatable truth that he had taken someone else’s opportunity. Haeyoon’s face reddened, and the conductor, without a word, stretched his lips. As he quietly touched the piano, he suddenly asked Haeyoon:8235dbe55a2f7d08

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“Is there a situation that’s hard to talk about?”e19362ddede94839

“…Yes.”74970bfef2523ed2

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At this point, Haeyoon hoped the conductor would catch on, but whether he was feigning ignorance or genuinely didn’t know, he didn’t acknowledge it. As Haeyoon nodded with difficulty, the conductor adjusted his glasses and stared at him intently. After a long silence, he suddenly placed his hand on the piano keys.1b0d8f0803363fc2

Ding. The clear sound ac8aadd157 of an E 02787e4c26 note filled the d2930adbd4 lecture room.390d7208c9d15b0c

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Then G, and 2d65ebb021 D.927343227f72a988

“I listened to the performance file you submitted when you joined after the Halloween concert. Erik Satie’s ‘Je te veux.’ Can you play it?”b7ef1023c9f756c1

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“Eh?”cd149e3a1ceeabbd

“Tune your instrument.”c7697c4b19859ac5

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With the conductor’s smile and command, Haeyoon couldn’t argue. He was here to say he wanted to quit the performance, and here he was, in this situation, but the conductor’s firm look as he glanced down at the keys left Haeyoon no choice but to open his case.81b2f0ae39e50e0f

He took out 8f6f49d32e his double bass, 3443e3e2c5 checked that the 77f4fdb0c6 bow had enough 7fe195b6a1 rosin, then leaned fb5528fc8d the instrument against 7962f03b91 himself to start e1eea4c938 tuning. The conductor, e9cb64ab96 accustomed to a7ac6b15e4 Haeyoon tuning 55aa3fbe62 alone during 5782a500fa quintet rehearsals, 5d92f91ff6 waited silently 638113d7f9 until Haeyoon, db7712655a giving him 9b1731930e a look, 7fba8154e5 lowered his eadf109acd bow, and 0d6741736f then they d93613c945 began to c06949fbd9 play together.92458baedb9d5e80

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It was Erik Satie’s “Je te veux.”6b9ab3b7ac292d81

A lullaby-like melody spread out. The low chords of the double bass, perfectly tuned to the piano’s melody, enveloped the room in a cozy sound, soothing enough to make even those asleep dream anew. Haeyoon played his bow to match the conductor’s slow tempo.065cfa5ddba614ca

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“…Nice. Though it’s not something a conductor should say, if you had gone to the city orchestra, you could have had an even better opportunity. I’m the one who feels the loss.”47a852d7f466d50f

He had heard this before, but unlike then, when it made his heart swell with pride, now the conductor’s words didn’t resonate. He probably knew everything too. It felt like he was just saying it to appease his superior.8d080321562024eb

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When Haeyoon gave an c4e2ded207 awkward smile, the conductor e7f60ee435 stood up from the 8c937d5d00 piano and approached. Watching Haeyoon tidy up 008c01db62 his double bass, he 11712875a4 said:2966d6b8bfce4a62

“If you can’t give me a convincing reason, I have no intention of removing you from the performance. When I was forming the members upon Director Kim’s request, I didn’t initially consider you…”2aab62d06bb6f4e1

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The implication that someone had recommended him made Haeyoon’s stomach churn. He bit his lip, waiting for the next words.aee3a830b95e5181

“But now, I don’t think there’s a better option. Your playing complements Pianist Jin Suryeon’s well. Teacher Jin will join the rehearsals from next week, and once you play together, you’ll regret having said what you did today.”89507e68219752af

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With that, the conductor gave a light laugh. Would it really be so? Seo Haeyoon thought it definitely wouldn’t.413d8e842468bcf9

In any case, saying there was no better option was as good as saying he could not remove Seo Haeyoon from the piano quintet under any circumstances. Was this Chae Beomjoon’s intention? While anger seethed within him, he also felt an urge to nod immediately, feeling so frustrated he could die. His desire to play with Jin Suryeon, even just once, remained unquenched.dc2c0d97562eb2d8

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“Then we’ll act as if you never had this conversation. Is that okay?”d7d47eb59186232f

“…Yes. I’m sorry.”0f95f943f1046064

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“There’s nothing to apologize for to me. I don’t know what’s going on, but if there’s a problem, resolve it well, and you’re doing well enough in the quintet now, so don’t feel burdened.”01788fabaa68ef5a

Haeyoon couldn’t respond to the conductor’s encouraging words. He just bowed his head in gratitude, shouldered his double bass, and walked out.3e3904ae5ebdccf7

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It was the moment he most wanted to give up, but he couldn’t keep insisting on quitting in front of the stern conductor. As he said, less than a month was left until the performance.a13622e779bd4be8

Quitting here and leaving everything to others would be extremely irresponsible. He had already taken up the position without the skill, and now he couldn’t commit such an irresponsible act. Haeyoon sighed and closed the door. As he headed back to the parking lot, massaging his troubled head, someone reached out from beside the entrance.906c008a012e6efd

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“Ah, um…”d7d77c9859d571cc

Startled, he turned b09bd8c940 around to see 22c6b24481 the man who d6331778db was with the 276eba0f47 conductor earlier holding 53ee7a68d9 out a coffee. He seemed out of bd59a8200a breath as if he 2f414c0188 had run to catch 0a51218d60 up, and when Haeyoon e4a9f5d004 took the coffee out ccf8d299a0 of pity, their eyes fcd228b9df met. And Haeyoon immediately knew. This man e2aad85f23 was from c5b54bde66 here, and 5767ed4e9e he recognized c56dda2b77 him too.96322b7e5f3b38de

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If it had been f8572c4432 a few months ago, 7a2d96efcf he would have ignored 4371d0605e that gaze and passed 896c26f03b by, but now, he b84c16ceb7 wanted to acknowledge it e7bb164bdc out of sheer stubbornness. As Haeyoon nodded 150face3ec slightly while lifting 88c2c949fa his eyes, the c06eaa4bef man blushed and d0d114ca7d stammered.fe1f5147aec1bc4f

“I, I’m Nam Woowon, a senior studying piano and conducting under the professor. I heard you playing outside, and it was so magnificent… I’m planning a small concert next year, and maybe…”778452cfbed269a3

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“Give me your number.”3317d88f01df2b11

The concert was clearly an excuse. He probably just wanted to spend the night with him. He was used to receiving such looks. Instead of listening to his full pitch, Haeyoon took his awkwardly offered phone and entered his contact information. He said, “I’ll contact you when I have time,” and quickly disappeared. The man bowed in farewell behind him.5f57a6b357f4eeda

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“Goodbye! I’ll contact you later…!”ff6cfd0443b750dc

Listening to his 1b2b67725f voice, Haeyoon recalled 3f104a15dc that before meeting 2412f100ab Chae Beomjoon, he 8878ad2406 had spent many 4cdd15da0a nights with countless e1f9cd4be1 men. It seemed like ages 9b17ca4cbf ago, but looking back, c7d96e2c73 it was only four 2237fc91c8 months ago.d59604f0ca627dc7

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That meant the time he had liked Chae Beomjoon was even shorter. It was nothing special. With a sneer, he took a step. Back at his car, Haeyoon opened the trunk to store his instrument first, then got into the driver’s seat and pulled out his phone.e99dbbb0e2eaf351

There was a message from Nam Woowon. He casually saved his number and then stared at Chae Beomjoon’s number, which had no missed calls. With difficulty, he moved his fingers.7019ec239eeaea47

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Blocked number.02f58daa8be37f25

Seeing that message, he bc5daf38db went into the messenger, a514a4dbbf hid the chat room 15a5c36b77 full of countless messages, c950e293cc and finally blocked his a0fd465d0d profile. He intended not efa30358c9 to answer even aa88406e15 if he contacted 1e793727fc him late.d00caccccdad0559

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Really, it was 5a6320f741 over.b32bbf20d7602cdc

…The end.5f3117e6045c229b

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The question f3ff79e58d of what 3f12b65d6f he would 48824bde63 do if 10c4950457 he were 4f2b7f7056 the assistant c06d63a81b director came d9bc738417 to his b730d96c1b mind again. He answered 5aabdeb834 that it 9fe92d1077 was all e8735d207a over, and c454eb406e now it d39457647a had come 21984d6211 true, but 63efc36332 why did a579a4a222 he feel 6b6a4e234d so empty?28913e3de6886860

Feeling strangely down, Haeyoon ee13690acc started the car while 1b1ee11ad4 cursing. He was really a fd45de50f5 bad guy.aa7732b348f8f7ee

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