PT | Chapter 7.3

A few days ago, when Aubrey returned from an outing, the butler had sent a book to Lennock on his behalf. The book contained sexual education for adolescents, something teenagers should read before coming of age.

At the time, Aubrey had thought it was just being overly nosy, but now, in hindsight, it seemed completely unnecessary. Why had he sent that? Aubrey pressed his lips tightly together, avoiding the question. Lennock, seeing his reaction, watched him more intently.

“I’ll tell the headmaster that you won’t be returning to the academy because of your marriage preparations.”

“What?! This bastard, really…!”

Aubrey, furious, placed one foot outside the tub.

He was so intent on shutting Lennock up, thinking he would make him stop talking for good, that in his haste, he slipped on the wet floor. His balance faltered, and just as he was about to fall, Aubrey instinctively reached for the floor.

He barely managed to catch himself with his hands, but his knee slammed hard into the edge of the tub.

“Ugh…!”

He cried out in pain, and at the same time, tears welled up in his eyes.

For a moment, everything went white in his mind from the impact, and he remained still. The throbbing pain in his knee spread, and he realized he couldn’t stay like this. He gritted his teeth, quietly groaning as he carefully sat back down in the tub. Looking at his knee, which was already starting to bruise, Aubrey frowned deeply.

“Damn it…”

It hurt like hell.

Why did it have to be his knee? As he clenched his teeth, Aubrey looked up. He feared Lennock might still be there, witnessing his embarrassing state, but thankfully, he was gone.

“…No help at all.”

It had been a mistake to even let Lennock help him in the first place. He must’ve come to taunt him about not being able to return to the academy. Aubrey ground his teeth as he checked his knee again.

The bruising under his skin seemed to be growing darker. He winced, carefully pressing on it with his hand to avoid making it worse.

For a moment, he thought about using the injury as an excuse to avoid going out today, but his father would have insisted that he go, even if it meant using crutches. It was too vague to use the excuse that his knee was too painful to attend.

In the end, he had no choice but to go. Aubrey sighed deeply, pulling his knees into his chest.

“…”

Even though he knew Lennock was gone, he kept glancing over at the door. And naturally, his mind wandered back to the words Lennock had said.

“If you hate it that much, you can just leave everything behind and go.”

“I’m doing this because of who?”

Aubrey muttered angrily to himself. He had struggled to figure out the source of his pain, and now this situation was just another part of it.

Without knowing anything, Lennock had freely spoken as if it was all a game. He thought that just saying something meant it was true.

“Damn it…”

Aubrey mumbled curses under his breath, biting his lower lip.

Aubrey had once tried to tell Lennock the truth, to make him understand what was really going on. To tell him that it was all because of him, that someday Lennock’s awakening would bring a great sin to the continent. But he couldn’t do it.

It felt as if something was stuck in his throat, unable to come out. Despite trying again and again to speak those words, Aubrey’s face had turned red, then purple, and he passed out.

“I would’ve said it if I could.”

How wonderful it would be if he could finally escape this nonsensical situation.

Aubrey tightened his grip on his knee, ignoring the sharp pain. The pain was better than the uncomfortable feeling of the situation. Anything to make him forget this moment.

***

In his fifteenth regression, Aubrey struggled to hold on, but in the end, he couldn’t bear it and chose to end his life.

At the moment of death, Aubrey felt both an instant of calm and an overwhelming sense of fear. It was because he wondered if this repeated regression was actually a punishment for his past life, something he couldn’t even remember.

Could it be that he was being punished for something in his past life, something he didn’t even recall, and that’s why he was condemned to repeat these regressions? When he thought about it, the awakening of such a great sin was not something that could be stopped by the power of an ordinary human. If he just accepted it as something inevitable and passed it off as an exception, everything seemed to fall on him alone.

The countless repeated dreams and regressions without hope had shattered Aubrey’s mind. Unable to think clearly, he ended up in a state of “it’s all my fault,” and clung to religion. So, when he reached his sixteenth regression, he raved about becoming a priest.

The child who resembled him the most, whom he had favored so much, suddenly wanted to become a priest. The marquis naturally opposed it, but Aubrey believed that only religion could save him. So, he threw a tantrum, demanding to be made a priest, and eventually, the marquis, having no choice, sent Aubrey to Alman under the guise of studying abroad.

Alman, where the head of the great sin was sealed, was a place where most of the citizens were devout believers. They didn’t complain even if half of their monthly salary was taken in religious taxes and various other levies. This was possible because the welfare system was well-developed, and everyone was accepted as brothers and sisters, equal in status.

At first, everything seemed so shiny and great. Aubrey became a very enthusiastic believer, hoping that if he devoted himself to religion, he would be saved. He was recognized and got a position at the Alman Catholic Church. At that time, he believed it was a step closer to salvation. In truth, it was just a source of income.

It turned out that the priests were even more greedy for money, and the corruption they committed behind the scenes was beyond words.

The secret meetings they invited him to, thinking that Aubrey had become one of their own, revealed their disgusting sides. They preached to the believers that they had to keep their bodies and minds pure, forbidding alcohol and advising them to eat only a little meat. Yet, these men partied with alcohol, frequently inviting both women and men for orgies. When one of them, high on drugs, tried to assault the temple while drooling, Aubrey realized something.

Ah, this life is ruined too.

From that point on, Aubrey, overwhelmed by extreme stress, let go of everything.

Anyone who had seen him, the first to arrive at the temple to pray and the last to leave, would have wondered what was wrong when he started to look pale and sickly. Even the Archbishop came to pray for his recovery. But as memories of the priests, who, drunk, exposed themselves and waved their genitals around, came to mind, Aubrey felt a wave of nausea rising within him. He vomited right there, and perhaps seeing it as an act of insolence, four days later, he was immediately ordered to be exiled.

Consumed by his obsession with religion, he had lost track of time, but in half a year, the great sin would awaken, and everything would be consumed by the flames of sin. This life was also doomed.

His decision to go to Alman was based on his own delusions and misunderstandings. However, he never expected to feel this much disillusionment with humanity here as well. At this point, he felt a greater sense of betrayal than with Lennock.

Even if he returned to Toroso now, there was no escaping the fate of being roasted alive in half a year. The time he spent praying and the money he had invested felt too wasted. Thinking that all that money had been spent on those priests’ gluttonous appetites made him restless even in his sleep.

Unable to bear it any longer, Aubrey moved secretly in the dead of night when everyone else was asleep.

‘It doesn’t matter if I die here or there. Either way, it’s the same.’

If that was the case, it would be better to die because of something he himself had done.

Having lost all sense of restraint, Aubrey sneaked into the Archbishop’s office.

He never imagined anyone would break into the Archbishop’s office, so there were no guards nearby. Moving cautiously when he first entered the room, Aubrey stayed there for about an hour, and when no one came to check on him, his courage grew.

He began to search the Archbishop’s office. His plan was to find evidence that the taxes, which the people had paid but which the priests hadn’t used for their own needs, had been spent on the priests’ drinking and parties. He wanted to expose it to the world, to disgrace the priests of Alman.

However, no matter how much he searched, he found no such records. After all, the priests weren’t stupid; they wouldn’t leave records that would incriminate them. Still, Aubrey couldn’t give up and continued searching until he finally collapsed in exhaustion on the mess of a desk.

‘Maybe I should have checked the bedroom…’

If it was something truly important, it might have been hidden under the pillow.