PS | Chapter 3.3

But Sihoo wasn’t one to repeat himself. He had forgiven Ji Jehyuk’s mistakes and even apologized, so their entanglement should have ended there. Ji Jehyuk tried to straighten out his increasingly negative thoughts. Overthinking alone wouldn’t solve anything and might misinterpret Sihoo’s intentions.

“Ji Jehyuk, what are you doing here?”

Someone called out to him. When he looked up, he saw a familiar face—it was Hong Rina. Just when he was hoping to see her less, she had been finding him quite frequently since yesterday.

“Hello.”

His anticipation, hoping it was Sihoo, quickly faded. It must have been because he was near the business school. Rina sat down next to him, looking noticeably drained. Ji Jehyuk habitually handed her his windbreaker.

“Sit on this. It’s dirty.”

Rina stared at the windbreaker for a moment, then snatched it away. It was hard to tell if she disliked or appreciated his gesture.

“You waiting for Yoon Sihoo?”

“…How did you know?”

“I could tell your face fell when I showed up. Besides, who else do you know here at the business school?”

Rina shrugged, then adopted a similar pose to Ji Jehyuk. She too had just finished exercising, dressed in shorts and a T-shirt just like him.

“I see why you dumped me.”

Rina blurted out suddenly. Ji Jehyuk wanted to correct her—it was he who had been dumped—but he was more curious about what she was about to say, so he kept quiet. A slight tension crept up on him, wondering if Rina had caught onto his issues.

“You’re gay.”

“…?”

Taken aback by her unexpected accusation, he looked at Rina. She continued seriously.

“It all makes sense now. You were just too uninterested in that way. And here I was, clueless and dating you, which is really offensive, but there’s a lot of guys like you around, so I forgive you. You only understand your own tastes after experiencing them. Ugh, my pride is hurt though.”

Rina vented as if relieving herself of a burden.

“It wouldn’t make sense otherwise. Why else would someone as fabulous as me get dumped?”

Watching Rina assume she had been the one dumped, Ji Jehyuk decided to clear up her misunderstanding. It felt oddly empowering to hear such talk.

“It’s not because of that.”

Before he could explain, Rina cut him off.

“Don’t even try. I saw you and Yoon Sihoo walking hand in hand through the middle of Gangnam Station yesterday.”

He was speechless, worried someone might have seen them.

“…When?”

“After breaking up a meeting, on my way back from hanging out with friends. I knew there was something fishy about you two.”

Rina spoke with certainty, far from the reality of their misunderstanding.

“It’s not like that.”

“I saw it with my own eyes, are you still going to deny it?”

“I’m not dating Sihoo.”

As Ji Jehyuk spoke seriously, Rina scrunched up her nose and retorted.

“Then why hold hands? You wouldn’t even hold mine for months.”

Her question touched on a core issue for Ji Jehyuk. Instead of rushing him, Rina simply looked ahead, quietly waiting for him to respond.

“I’m not good with physical contact.”

Ji Jehyuk finally mustered the courage to speak, unlike when he confided in Sihoo while drunk. It felt oddly natural, perhaps because Rina was both the subject of the rumor and someone who could relate to his situation. It just suddenly felt right to speak up, not as if he was revealing any secret backstory.

“It’s not just with you. I just feel a repulsion when I try to physically connect with someone, regardless of my feelings.”

Rina quieted down instantly, taken aback by his unexpected revelation. After hesitating, she cautiously asked.

“Is it like a germ phobia or something?”

“It’s not that.”

Ji Jehyuk then pulled at his disheveled soccer uniform. Rina nodded, making a sound of understanding.

“It’s just a chronic thing. I should have told you, sorry.”

“Well… it must have been hard to say.”

Rina rested her chin on her hand, her beautifully manicured blue nails catching the eye. She poked her cheek with her finger as if suddenly remembering something.

“But how could you hold hands with Yoon Sihoo?”

“Maybe because I’ve known Sihoo for so long, it feels okay. He’s probably the only person I’m that comfortable or close with. You only found out after coming here.”

Rina scrunched up her nose again, a habit when she thought something didn’t add up.

“You and Yoon Sihoo don’t seem that close.”

“…Why?”

“I don’t mean it looks uncomfortable, but it doesn’t seem like you’re just friends either. It looks more like…”

Rina glanced at Ji Jehyuk.

“You look like you’re dating.”

“It’s really not like that. What…”

“Who walks around holding hands with a friend?”

“Girls do it all the time. Is there a rule men can’t?”

“You have a point.”

Rina agreed with Ji Jehyuk’s point, but seemed to be searching for something to counter with. As he watched her lips twitch, she suddenly widened her eyes and whispered into Ji Jehyuk’s ear, making him flinch as if she was too close.

“Isn’t that Yoon Sihoo?”

“What?”

Following Rina’s gesture, Ji Jehyuk turned to see a tall man emerging from the business school main building. It was unmistakably Sihoo. Even from a hundred meters away, his height was noticeable, his good looks were instinctive, and the attention he drew from around him confirmed it was Sihoo.

Ji Jehyuk was about to approach him happily when the following scene stopped him. Someone approached Sihoo’s side. It was a familiar face, a man shorter than Ji Jehyuk, who walked up to Sihoo and linked arms with him.

Sihoo let him. Instead of pushing him away or stepping back, he maintained his smiling expression, allowing Han Bada to link arms with him. It wasn’t neglect; it was more like permission.

“That’s right.”

Bada was right by Sihoo’s side, chatting him up excitedly while Sihoo looked down at him, smiling and continuing the conversation. Anyone watching would see they were close.

“You guys aren’t dating, huh…” Rina’s voice trailed off.

Ji Jehyuk, forgetting to respond, just stared blankly ahead. Just seeing Sihoo with Bada made him feel suffocated, as if something terrible was about to happen, and he grew oddly anxious.

“…Hey, Ji Jehyuk. You okay?”

For some reason, Rina was checking on him. Ji Jehyuk snapped back to reality. By then, Sihoo and Bada had left the main building and were heading toward the main gate, in the opposite direction from the lawn where Ji Jehyuk was. He felt a sudden urge to call out to Sihoo.

But what would he say after calling him?

His rational side stopped him. He had been here unknowingly waiting for Sihoo, but he didn’t want to interrupt him and Bada. It was clear they had a unique connection, and Ji Jehyuk wondered why Bada had tried to get his number—it must have been because he wanted to be closer to Sihoo like that.

“Ah, yeah. Sorry. I’m fine.”

Ji Jehyuk managed to reply as he felt Rina’s gaze. He thought that continuing to watch would only deepen the various uneasy feelings stirring inside him. With great effort, he forced himself to look away.

“I should go.”

Maybe I should just go home, he thought, unsure why he had stayed here so long. He regretted many things, like giving Bada Sihoo’s number and not being able to wait quietly without looking.

Suddenly, Ji Jehyuk realized why Sihoo had asked to stop practicing. It was because Ji Jehyuk himself had changed in how he thought about Sihoo and wanted to keep some distance to maintain their usual balance. It wasn’t that Sihoo wanted to push him away; rather, he wanted to continue their relationship in his own way. Since Ji Jehyuk had mistakenly gotten too close, it made sense for Sihoo to think this way. Ji Jehyuk himself often backed off when someone approached him without considering his feelings.

I need to get a grip. It’s better to go back to how things were before. Acting like this, intruding where I wasn’t invited, isn’t right.

“Hey, let’s grab something to eat.”

As Ji Jehyuk was about to walk away, Rina quickly grabbed him. Surprised by her sudden request, he saw a look of genuine concern on her face.

“I’m not really hungry. Go eat with someone else.”

“I’ll buy.”

It seemed Rina really wanted someone to eat with.

“You can eat with someone else.”

“I don’t have any friends. I know it sounds pathetic, but I just had a falling out and cut ties with Joo Sujin yesterday, so now I’m a loner. How desperate do I have to be to cling to an ex?”

He was at a loss for words. Since he had contributed to the rift between them, he couldn’t just ignore it. He wasn’t in the mood to eat, but after some thought, Ji Jehyuk decided it was better to eat something. Originally, he had planned to skip meals, but eating something seemed better for preparing for tomorrow.

Right. I should focus on tomorrow’s match. The opposing team might be weaker compared to Ji Jehyuk’s school, which had performed well in the spring tournament, but it was a match where he needed to showcase his skills at his best. Coach Shin had said a scout from FC Hanseong would be there, the team Ji Jehyuk wanted to join.

“Okay.”

“I’ll pay, so order whatever you want. Pasta? Pizza? Meat?”

Rina always put what she wanted most first. Ji Jehyuk thought for a moment and decided to just go along with what she wanted.

“Let’s have pasta.”

“Oh, it worked.”

Rina clapped her hands with a brightened face. Having the ever-talkative Rina by his side made the scene he had just witnessed start to fade.

Right. Don’t think too deeply. Just go with what Sihoo wants.

***

The pasta place was bustling at lunchtime. Despite many other restaurants failing and disappearing, this one across from the Liberal Arts building had a long history and consistently drew a crowd. Ji Jehyuk had been here once before, with his first girlfriend after entering university. It was a place with memories, and he hadn’t really sought to visit again, but being here now, he felt surprisingly calm.

As soon as Rina and Ji Jehyuk sat down, the restaurant reached full capacity. They were guided to a four-seater table and sat facing each other. Rina started browsing the menu eagerly while Ji Jehyuk left the choice to her and stared out the window. Down on the street, lots of couples walked by in the busy eating district.

Sihoo and Bada would look just like one of those couples. Ji Jehyuk imagined them, unmistakably affectionate, with Bada small enough to be fully embraced by Sihoo—just as Im Kangmin had said, delicate and pretty. Was that Sihoo’s type? Ji Jehyuk realized with a jolt that he knew nothing about Sihoo’s preferences.

Despite being upset that he had given out his number, seeing them together suggested it must be his type after all. People like Bada—gentle, puppy-like, with a pretty build. Maybe he should think that men like Bada were Sihoo’s preference.

Just then, whether it was his imagination or not, Ji Jehyuk thought he heard Bada’s voice right next to him.

“Ah, Ji Jehyuk sunbae!”

Rina turned her head. It seemed it wasn’t his imagination since Rina blinked in surprise. Ji Jehyuk followed her gaze and there they were—Bada and Sihoo.