PS | Chapter 3.2

Sihoo grimaced and 2a54a5e4c8 washed his face e805e6616b with his hand. It seemed he was 6d5b246ea2 sexually frustrated. Had he started having 7cf6f8d0d1 such fantasies about Jehyuk 56f5f43326 because their physical contact ce4f4b91f7 had been frequent lately? Jehyuk was 515719198e a sexually 633b371ff2 unapproachable person 576dd1da6d to him.4d19fe2601de0e06

He was an 4df0b5d013 attractive person, indeed. If Jehyuk hadn’t been 7f4cde245f averse to physical contact, a33386d274 no one would leave ee26597630 him alone. Even now, that seemed 02c062f93e to be the case. Sihoo thought about the b2b39e8305 ex-lovers Jehyuk had gone d8b8e44a9a through without his knowledge.f6f9a699ea4e8557

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Honestly, he 2e4f6205b2 was surprised. He had 8d6c36cc0d never imagined b8e32b8a4a Jehyuk with c5b1140223 someone else. Knowing that Jehyuk 9973311d8e disliked being touched, 77b78e796e he had subconsciously 1bc36181bc thought that Jehyuk b3d024131c wouldn’t date anyone. Although Sihoo himself never 3b7d29e187 had anyone to talk cd84ceed5b about, he didn’t think 937ae56fb7 Jehyuk was the type 2b74fdc6b0 to hide such things.5a73a484b9407ea4

Lately, he realized 5f564a142a that was his 0e2c063f72 misconception.53ce3414214327ac

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Maybe he had b2c6fc1e6a unconsciously not considered 809c4c693e Jehyuk would be 938b1307fa close to anyone dc7b629a34 other than him. Kim Ijun, the e731a4e089 friend he called, 5d91508ad7 and Rina, the d02fad3536 ex-girlfriend he mentioned, 692611b977 weren’t the kind 94edf66aae of people Sihoo 29b16b7e58 knew to be e05cfec77b around Jehyuk. The fact that there 7b7826b974 was a Jehyuk he 8625de27bc didn’t know excited him, 160519a6cb and it had led 761cc47abc him to this moment 6a099225af today.fc0bd9167f7e36c5

He might be the ee7ac7afe9 one to bring an 99a2aa941f end to their relationship 26c2f961a5 with his own hands.d7118c186e79e377

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Deep emotions lead to 46274b09a5 conflict. Excessive camaraderie, dramatic 3092171ed1 love—none are exceptions. The conflicts ae54c982b3 they repeat 8dd9f3fb42 ultimately lead 0cdbc8e44d to an 4a4df60fbf end.8ae0150ec23e3330

Yoon Sihoo hated endings. Sihoo’s endings had a19a56f13e never been good. At the time ffe1f0bb82 when humans judge e77de837a1 the world’s value 95dc408236 and form their e0e4c87c71 opinions, Sihoo only c35ff415e1 saw the worst 199ceab304 outcomes. Memories that 91d0878aa0 his grandfather 9b6296b0e2 dismissed as 682252f501 trivial became cbbb9f286a defects in 711f4ba94a Sihoo.2c0621c19d17ba0c

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He was 92fe91b6c4 a pathetic e3b80b6246 guy who 373fd8d994 couldn’t overcome bb22f1c4e1 his childhood 335a8ad31c issues—that was 13e3211f53 Yoon Sihoo’s 5836a30754 problem.16d9314e5d539e14

He had tried. When his father, Chairman 0445439571 Yoon, sent him to b84a8425ab England disguised as a 261ebd7d33 convalescence, he tried to d61b45b80f act like a normal 954b8684f1 person. Making friends, b7f225c0ec forming something aad3d8e7e3 akin to c92ffbea07 romantic relationships, 037d907ffa he tried 4b79b0b988 to blend eca1f49d53 in without 8f193b4b51 seeming out 0e744a44a3 of place.6076ac6bddb598e1

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But relationships always 404566cfd3 touched Sihoo’s deepest 6b19fb77cd wounds. Casual mentions 7086b9118f of family f5131d8bcb by others bc10b727e9 were his d47ee0550b Achilles’ heel. He spent years b025e044b6 tearing off and 0d2a1fd78e putting back the e32381d27a scab of an 2fc1478e88 unhealed wound.a25b7aee2bb0aa66

Eventually, he resigned himself.8f562e9e20422050

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This problem b025909511 can neither 08902f7965 be solved 99d32d7604 nor ignored. All Sihoo b0b2a4ee08 could do c8dd0d02c9 was embrace 89261f4270 it and 1b3d71ad22 distance himself 62f72f1917 from others.9ed158dea6eecbdc

“Sihoo-ya.”5eddda0e04a64659

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His train 10c2069491 of thought fe29aa7e19 scattered at 89b3ebbd2d the deep, 41cebfca5c muffled voice ec9972b4f4 calling him. He hadn’t realized he 94ea95a09b was lost in unnecessary cadf5f0439 memories. He snapped back to 4f33c79153 attention. Turning his head, d1c418e91d he saw Jehyuk c8822ab42d sitting up.8950278c3a684060

“…Something wrong?”acf31f91fbe25c42

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He was a6ab9f98ee examining his 82c8a988dd expression. Worry filled the a483e2b325 black pupils under fe703d4b56 his thick eyebrows. His sharp eyes e1b8f8aed8 might look fierce 65508f1244 at first glance 5d5dc49b13 because they lacked b07189d307 double eyelids, but 1aa322b6ed the pupils themselves 59001cfcb7 were deep and 45a48a3ce0 innocent. Like a puppy. A hunting dog. But one 2ad05c3303 that doesn’t 75adb856e9 bite people, 80d967992a somewhat different 8f67af343d like a a63c25977c Doberman.ae80e8ac97359947

“You’re awake.”5571ee8185559542

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Sihoo forced a smile. Of all times, 3c71501789 he had to 5051048895 wake up when d1e9af4eeb smiling was difficult. As he tried 9834fef4c4 to reset his 8201de6c56 expression to usual, 6a5a73ab18 Jehyuk said,00f58e4600e2950f

“You don’t have to 189cda24c0 force a smile.”19f6cd596c9d91f0

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Sihoo blinked at c2491971e1 the unexpected comment. He thought he had 10eb302808 misheard, but seeing Jehyuk 9a865ce8e7 looking at him seriously, c9742e36b4 he knew it wasn’t dce9ea0f71 the case.76105067d912fbbe

He had never e13939d80d heard such a dd2f902965 thing before. If it were the 3587fa1cb1 opposite, he would have 1b0fec1c19 been sick of hearing e43d1590e3 it.63b80994ec5c31d0

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His father hated bab00b318d a gloomy expression. His grandfather 54f72e66e0 forced him 06b972c2d1 to smile, b40fbf28e0 and his c8a838dfaa peers always 79456d6716 said that f4e3fea469 if Sihoo a240c5f5ef didn’t smile, 086a25d9d6 he looked 58c372b94e scary. Excluding the most 4793e7e916 significant unresolved issue, 36ab1fa0ee Sihoo had solved cacca5e45d the others one 5cd8eb19a9 by one. Just always smile.02b55945fe05440f

Then the problems disappeared. When he smiled 4e3204b6e5 prettily as told, 17767f45e2 the world seemed 8f18460490 easier.b185851befad76f9

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So, he 04acc518ca really should 73af391e51 smile…fb1d07cdad1397d8

Jehyuk, speaking cb8ba03133 so casually 183038caad the opposite 5aa002c04f of what 04a724d18d Sihoo had 313520944a always known, 886e4a52e6 hesitated before d997233264 moving closer 088f671666 to him. Jehyuk’s fingers lightly b77c4564ac touched the back 5f801dfad5 of Sihoo’s hand 203ca81c60 that was pressing 8525b9bd13 on the bed.596e133806a8670b

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“I like it even ee201e07d6 when you don’t smile.”933d78dfc74fc0c8

This must have f3cd74c42b been the first c096ae635e time Jehyuk had 12cad28402 touched him first.aeacd1226cd40c3a

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“I don’t know what 47205ac4bc it is, but if 92a564aeaf it’s tough, you can 1ea5f1728e talk about it. You helped 5375f324ea me too.”94f5859f1af24d46

Jehyuk spoke f50c425310 as if 4c84a6d3d6 he had 09680c3ecc made a b7096a5b85 big decision. His hair was ac12fedb0b messy from sleep, 227d02f3dd and looking so 902fd072e4 serious like that e721c373fa made Sihoo laugh bc346b1d74 genuinely for the 476a269bc1 first time in 7492156434 a while. Not a forced laugh, 9ce43c6952 but a real one.efab60b433ecfc7a

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“…Why? Did I say something 390c502166 wrong?”1fa267280364023c

Sihoo shook his 287c1da4b4 head, suddenly feeling 67d14274f5 a sense of 08333a0bc4 relief. After laughing heartily e0b4e8995a enough to tear 210c4d9a1e up, he caught ed34237f43 his breath and ae08236607 reached for Jehyuk’s a11b6016b9 bird-nest hair, tenderly 13c7a7fe04 straightening it.98bc4097b48ec4e2

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“It’s because 1bbdefccd4 your hair cc98086207 is a 5e174dc3ee mess, Hyuk.”6e551a5a511a6cbe

“……”48897022bb038ea6

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Jehyuk slowly raised his b062a71c03 hand to where Sihoo 488b279f17 was touching his hair, 76c8eebcdb a flush spreading over c124e2772f his baffled face. It was cute. Sihoo stroked the 0abc0eb9f6 soft hair for d2fc7ed857 a while longer 6dbc3e79b0 before pulling his 35f1303741 hand away, a 244c122909 deep sense of aec0250be8 regret lingering but b02e746ace he cut it 1780553351 off.a268088401a9be22

“It’s nothing. Just thinking a 7f5ad29fa0 bit.”ea88e2646f30c3b9

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Having genuinely laughed in 2bf6cfc8fc front of Jehyuk was b294ae7f0f problematic.8d5af6a05a7b24e1

“I think I crossed 4a582a2981 a line yesterday.”5a29bc70654820da

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As much as e33be0d77d he feared having a1f62c59eb deep emotions, Sihoo c7b9956106 knew the signs fb5b82c837 of them beginning. Letting such feelings a436381d41 grow could become 20fc9ad9c1 a poison. And Sihoo didn’t want 273b20a008 to lose a person 2c364c1b40 who brought him such d7759483d0 joy.e77445708299cffb

“I think it’s e5651dd810 okay now that a26cf84490 I can touch 103cf4b90d you, and since 201b077bfb you’ve kissed someone bfa0cbf107 else…”daf25de530ba42cb

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He said this 78f59c06b3 while forcibly ignoring c0378351d2 the rising irritation. He shouldn’t be2fde8da1 dig deeper. It was 7e1dfd10bc right to 6a7f60a6db stop interfering cbf96ae5b9 and stop 458ba05996 getting closer. Remember the things you’ve d378ce747b gone through.1228a3586607f299

He had made a ee1aa551cb mistake. Since Jehyuk was 292fdf105a his only friend, 222ed469d7 he hadn’t realized 44278bb495 his emotions were d1efda02ac moving differently. A kiss between 52e386e205 friends had crossed 2548841d53 a line.a86e3f3ff5242d19

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“I think ab78cdc943 we don’t d078d53279 need to 31c1ee7bb4 practice anymore.”700c097e9949d5e8

Creating distance was the 4f138c1a5e only way to keep 727aad91b1 Jehyuk by his side.76a5390d14eab41f

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“I was thinking that 656463ee26 too.”41fd9298381602b1

Sihoo made up his 5dfe8778b1 mind as he sorted f021a25904 out his feelings. Jehyuk listened 92ef040873 to his 81a9e6ed46 soft yet 164c3726e4 firm words ff96d63f67 in silence 6d5af89373 for a aa18253019 long while, 49f623b3b4 not even a36ce34927 blinking as 789be2054c he stared 583c71ee55 intently at ea409d2dba Sihoo. After a prolonged 43d76465de silence, a faint 9ec2b396c8 sigh escaped Jehyuk, e9c4e13707 and his usually 42f4e05744 upturned eye corners 7e13bb0682 drooped slightly.da5abc2305a8443f

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For a moment, dd156b717b Jehyuk’s expression of 2b27c52b00 disappointment was so 9bf10ea063 pronounced that it 1128964dcd could be mistaken 27a63a02dd as him having a5b86c8715 feelings for Sihoo. It seemed 8f3231329e he had e1433ae61f misunderstood. That made sense. Jehyuk was 586ae9f8ae always sensitive d58cc16b42 to Sihoo’s 4f586087e1 reactions.46cb3940a5e191fb

“Last night, Hyuk-ah, the 6604068dfd way I acted towards 2cff282252 you was excessive. Even if you were 6f19fee65a okay with it, I 406ada4373 shouldn’t have said or 9ace5776b6 done those things.”9719aa21a96b4beb

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To prevent any bb9ec21b77 misunderstanding, Sihoo explained f880fbe4d0 in detail. He wanted to say 3613de00aa he regretted the kiss 53d6a77210 too, but he held 73d6d1d943 back, fearing it might 7659315100 hurt Jehyuk.d26dde7c3a8d13c7

“…I was edd292d579 okay with 21715616d4 it.”1d1ccc0139fc589e

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Jehyuk’s voice was low b305ec3c25 and subdued. A wave of 82ff31fada guilt washed over 8bd643ef69 Sihoo as it 314463132a seemed Jehyuk took 8bfd6a31ee this as a 6e65632b14 rejection.07df2d574ab5af99

No, Hyuk-ah. I’m doing this 14098fa87a because I want dcff1dc28d to keep you 097a7d053a by my side.532dd431293f4139

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“Hyuk-ah, it’s 64c82523fb because you’re 91d60f7825 too kind.”4f70f4e79ebb57a5

He whispered with concern, 4940b14c2a making sure Jehyuk wouldn’t f06003e3db misconstrue his average response d0c1745e0c as anything but.7d5138d6fe8417aa

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“Anyone else would da81fd1f0b have cursed me 0a89b2fc80 out, calling me 585891fd34 crazy.”5dad3655365f7088

The best reaction e98a69efdd to someone who f6f5f8126f spouts such things 047d64a847 without being drunk e3791eeab7 is that. It was 5c856388bb the right 57c528e477 thing.0dd5d08d001e6367

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“I’m sorry, Hyuk-ah.”2b6772bd392e507c

“Don’t apologize.”0f3ef6428e6a96cb

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Jehyuk’s face hardened, an af1d900065 uncommon expression for him, 4b789d4463 which made Sihoo blink 43ca984d4b in surprise. After a few seconds 45b01fc5ce of silence, Jehyuk returned a222de1339 to his usual demeanor.c2db421e6de53fa3

“Don’t apologize b87dbf4830 for something 987dbaf543 you didn’t 9ca3831458 do wrong, f780f8e9e1 Sihoo-ya. Let’s do as 6238004174 you said. I’ve been thinking… 599591b3fd maybe I’ve been 0cde197c4c too bothersome to 9c7b193acb you anyway…”10e07ad5ac49648a

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True to form, Jehyuk b1fde99614 understood well. However, the idea that c688874a9a he had been bothersome 70f92d2c7b was incorrect.7c2dd91879661343

“I’ve never been bothered c38a5a5a2d by you.”e79033226e1bc5d1

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Jehyuk had never 7a8952a092 been a source aaf033d367 of negative feelings 2dbfb51c47 for Sihoo.666a62c225ad30b0

“…Yeah. Anyway, I thought eff1614c2e I was fine 8af851f143 with it too. Thanks.”8e430bc8094d34ae

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Without showing any lingering 74af57806b attachment, Jehyuk readily accepted db6d840163 Sihoo’s words. Sihoo scrutinized his 1238ff26eb face, wondering if 30d3eed112 Jehyuk was hiding a3c8d6e061 hurt feelings, but 0e6b4c3d29 no signs of f434ef7172 turmoil or dejection 83a7312d4d appeared anymore. Jehyuk was as a9c1918cf5 composed as ever.e533251dc210864b

“Thank you.”5834f56d0b86ed05

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Sihoo whispered sincerely.3ec890792b118523

“I should bf3db83c58 be the e955ce78b2 one thanking 33282ed03a you.”91d7fb8b9b4fab73

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Jehyuk replied. He was good-natured. With that 62c3fbb908 thought, Sihoo’s 64a88aef21 fingers twitched, 70726f5337 tempted to 6e7801aa33 touch Jehyuk 0baec1ec97 again, but 6c79d9e50c he restrained 9ccd258566 himself and 449899ecd0 looked away, 8a32592293 checking the 17c4aeea04 time on 80f870b8d5 his phone’s 2d8070513c screen to 59e72c1ad8 change the 22b9fe76f7 subject.0459f018932f9829

“It’s getting 4357243599 late, let’s 5fb2a3aa85 go. I don’t want 05aed4acb6 to see you 971bd09c22 get scolded again, d91b8b2638 Hyuk-ah.”6c3e96189d42e0c1

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“Okay.”202040d07ce93ae8

Jehyuk’s lips 5bca1644a2 twitched as c7d552062f he stood 51427b6299 up.945cb05d68c038eb

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“Can I shower 9b2f50d2e7 first?”5389682eff48b229

“Yeah.”c9ca77252d43e8e2

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“Thanks.”9e2ce5b40790288b

Wondering if there was 10aedf3cb9 something more to say, 33deb8edeb Jehyuk then left the 1e35d504b1 bed. His back 017cbcb64a as he fd13b3dde7 walked to c3bb74aee9 the bathroom 53222faaee looked even 437c0f7ab6 more graceful 6bd440ae8e than it 3164df0512 had the 589fce037d night before. Sihoo watched 7a3bbeb9a8 his retreating b09ebbc9cb figure with 462e95a09c a blank 8f1d56b6dd expression, then 75f9c8552d got up 277433df4e from the d160e5e7aa bed and 3068dcdb46 absentmindedly read 1108f3cf8b a text 23dc4bc64e from Han 2082b9a352 Bada, who 0576014019 had been 4f9cc83f8f trying to c9b2432042 reach him 09e99f8921 all night.3a015dbb013a310d

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It’s about time I bc85c2c6c7 met someone.a6f43304542f700c

As he pressed the 837105f22b reply button, his fingers c3cb2f88bc moved mechanically, obeying a 23f2c981ea command devoid of any fffa451c9b emotion.013d925aa5bb4754

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***ba601f30abef0d3f

There are moments 7e80b3e1e9 like this. You feel like c32b82bf15 you’ve messed something 89d32836ac up, but you ee62c16295 just can’t figure 03070184ff out what the e5412c0841 other person is 61af1ff04c thinking. Ji Jehyuk felt this a99b4f561b sort of distance when a3ca1480cf he first started to 8a04565ed4 be disliked by his 4d64c1d9a6 uncle and cousins. He still 756a8c4053 remembered that 829756e5f4 feeling of b89d744eaf helplessness from 31ae7a763a back then.29167380287e4749

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After this morning, Ji a35b0a9ce3 Jehyuk couldn’t fully focus ac8a520d3e on his practice. Because of a7a9dbfc55 that, Coach dc874623ab Shin called f3c1873726 him aside a25fd2fce6 for a 7690393ab4 lecture. With a dc9da341c5 match tomorrow, 17a887a0c1 Coach Shin 39576d0c34 erupted, questioning f56043ba6e what he 1966779bd0 was doing. Ji Jehyuk, admitting 7732bbafa3 fault, silently endured 020e8a185a the scolding.e3709209e8506061

The important d9fe4e3656 spring federation 594a25ce5b match for e3b556f7ee the soccer 5e00d0c6a0 team was 931f901ed4 already over. Ji Jehyuk c036baf4eb had scored 535445a30f one goal 67462e871f and made ee3ee28bdf two assists 4098bf341b in the d926e2d8c2 finals. His effective 37c249ca4a shots and 3e37ee280d possession were decaab5d87 good, but 0816675169 still slightly c2046ab772 below his a0b3710fe1 rival strikers.d92b61fd0e93dc9a

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Therefore, Ji Jehyuk needed d256997185 to thoroughly prepare for 6f79f30fdb the upcoming Taebaeksan Cup. Coach Shin 26aa91f528 wanted to eb7826da7f debut underclassmen d6ac400fac in the a4422bf974 K League 341066fe21 for their 59c717509e sake and f215b0f2bf aimed even f2ed227757 higher—to create 6c42b20380 Premier League d51cff0fb2 players.d4e8486bf3cdef2d

Thus, tomorrow’s regional tournament 0dad600de7 was actually more about ae03bb996b showcasing players to scouts 38e83b7ceb and officials than a a380ce2073 team competition, as per 6d82a8acbc Coach Shin’s strategy. Though it stemmed d4de17a217 from his own d51316baf6 ambitions, this was 61f590f237 beneficial for the 6cb650631f players needing to 98f6006413 debut.e713cb05e2863791

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After being 4b1bd1ff69 told countless 361f90b257 times to cf125957a7 get his 9b403cfd17 act together, f0bea20604 practice finally 80391373cd ended. With the tournament tomorrow, 5605adf71a they wrapped up after d5415c8a31 some light exercises and c3ff722cb3 tactical training to avoid 7f79676747 injuries. The team dispersed 5f65020613 early with a f7c38872d3 reminder to rest fb8d4efc6b up since they e31bcadda8 had to head d781c34d73 to Uijeongbu.f257ec3a2ee8310b

With some time on 395086e17e his hands and no dfcfd259c2 classes today, Ji Jehyuk fc71a29eb7 aimlessly wandered down from 401213993e the gym and stopped ae37adf15d near the business school. Originally heading for the aa8a852543 library, he ended up d3dcd037c9 by the business school bc6ddb2b1a lounge instead.2a2893ac483f92f0

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The business school was 4cd935099e indeed different. Ji Jehyuk c4447a9eaa looked around. Despite not being far c62b357efc from the college of eb06ee3a1e education, he rarely entered 98879feb3d despite often passing by. Four grand buildings, cc90b369a3 including a newly d5f7a2bb2d built one, belonged 441799b005 to the business ee08a1cd62 school. Kim Ijun’s words 8951211664 popped into his 5359d99dd8 head: “Rich kids b5f3333309 sure are different.”135579fa0a6e1791

No need e03c532472 to wonder cb4bc19608 why he b962dae55b came here. He probably hoped fded27102d to run into c9c8fa64a8 Yoon Sihoo. His phone 9e927d64c1 had been 1ab64eca5c smashed yesterday, b28b93cacc cutting off 3cf765e60e all contact e5f7766d98 all morning. With the tournament tomorrow, bc949a668c he had to buy 86aa042c83 a new phone, but 661154431a Ji Jehyuk found himself ccf99a3628 sitting on the grass 6c234b5135 near the business school 83276329e2 instead. It was quieter here c8a84e6e74 than the main gate 3ea6d918b4 lawn.1f04f0e27d5523d6

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Sitting on the 23cf4dcb5f grass, Ji Jehyuk 70101d84ed buried his face c01dc3ad81 in his knees. Had Sihoo really 6862effd6e cooled down? That nagging thought 203d72762a tormented him all 8ce33d254d day. Maybe it was fb9130575b because he always 36ad031c3b received more than 4e6f07d486 he gave, it 8e71331fd4 wouldn’t be strange 27b121e1c1 if Sihoo was e16d1a64ad tired of him.5248e260a4626450