PS | Chapter 3.12

Everything from detergent to fabric softener was available, although fabric softener was a luxury for Ji Jehyuk, so he timidly used only the detergent to start the washing machine. He resolved to apologize to Sihoo for using the washer when he returned.

Having finished his tasks, it was now evening. Despite it not being time for the sun to set, the sky was dark due to the overcast weather. Sihoo should have been back by now given his schedule, but there was no sign of him. Ji Jehyuk felt it might be presumptuous to text and ask, so he decided to wait in the living room instead.

Was he with Han Bada?

He hadn’t intended to think about it, but the thought arose spontaneously. After days of running around trying to survive, he finally had a moment to breathe, and thoughts of Sihoo and Bada’s recent outing came unbidden. What had they done after lunch and a movie? Had they kissed, or more?

Such thoughts made Ji Jehyuk feel constricted. It was that feeling again. Rubbing his forehead, he tried to identify the emotions that had been coming and going these past few weeks. What had Rina said?

“Yoon Sihoo being with Han Bada bothers you.”

She had definitely said that. After much deliberation, Ji Jehyuk admitted she was right. The problem was, why did it bother him that Sihoo was with Bada? Their relationship should have no effect on his friendship with Sihoo. Bada wasn’t interfering with anything, so why did he keep feeling conscious about Sihoo spending time with him?

He was faced with a type of problem he had never encountered before. Instinctively, Ji Jehyuk felt he needed to solve it. He couldn’t ignore it; his heart felt too heavy. Perhaps his growing resentment towards Sihoo was related to this suffocation.

Why did he feel let down by Sihoo? Why did he feel averse to their relationship returning to how it was before? They had been fine before, so why was Ji Jehyuk comparing now to the times they had held hands and kissed?

Hundreds of questions filled his mind. It was challenging. Rina had told him to figure it out on his own, but it wasn’t easy. He needed a clue, a starting point for his inquiries.

As he pondered, he lost track of time, caught up in his thoughts about Sihoo and forgetting his surrounding troubles and future concerns. Before he knew it, night had fallen. The washing machine beeped to signal the end of its cycle, snapping Ji Jehyuk back to reality.

Simultaneously, sounds came from the entrance. The beeping of the keypad as someone entered the code and the clunk of the door handle turning. Ji Jehyuk reacted instantly, leaping up from the sofa and rushing to the entrance as if he had been waiting.

“…Hyuk-ah.”

Sihoo had just entered, looking more disheveled than when he had left. He looked tired and paused upon seeing Ji Jehyuk, his expression one of surprise.

“Were you waiting?”

It must have been obvious that he had rushed out upon hearing Sihoo. A bit embarrassed but happier to see him, Ji Jehyuk nodded.

“Yes.”

“Why? You should have been sleeping. It’s late, and you must be tired from the rain.”

“Sihoo, you were out in the rain too. Did you take any medicine? You might catch a cold.”

“I’m fine. You were the one who got soaked more.”

Sihoo said this and slowly took off his shoes. As he stepped forward from the dark, the sensor light in the entryway turned on. Under the crimson light, Sihoo looked somehow sad and tired. Ji Jehyuk felt a deep concern seeing him like this.

“Come here. Let’s find some cold medicine. It’s better to take some just in case.”

With nothing to rely on but his body, Ji Jehyuk wasn’t bothered by much. What he really wanted was to cheer up Yoon Sihoo, who looked rather down.

“I’m seriously fine. I don’t usually catch colds. Did you eat dinner yet?”

Jehyuk had skipped a meal since he had no money, but Sihoo wasn’t big on eating anyway, so he likely hadn’t eaten dinner either. Although Sihoo’s aunt said he ate three meals a day, in Jehyuk’s memory, Sihoo only ate when it was to feed Jehyuk.

“No, I’m not hungry.”

“I’m starving, though. If it’s okay, let’s eat together.”

“…You haven’t eaten anything, right?”

Caught in the act, Jehyuk clammed up with an awkward expression. This made Sihoo’s face turn serious.

“Who told you to starve yourself?”

Thinking back, Sihoo had always enjoyed feeding Jehyuk since high school. Whenever he received something, he’d always pass it to Jehyuk instead of eating it himself, and since starting college, they had made time to eat together whenever possible. Sihoo always scooped some of his portion onto Jehyuk’s plate.

Jehyuk had many reasons to like Sihoo, but he especially appreciated Sihoo’s kindness. He liked how Sihoo could sense his needs and show consideration without a word. Jehyuk, who never took anything from others, occasionally relied on Sihoo, probably because of these traits.

Suddenly, the word ‘like’ floated through Jehyuk’s mind. It felt like he had tripped on a stone; he paused momentarily at the thought. Somehow, the term ‘like’ felt different than it had before.

…Like.

He was almost on the brink of figuring something out. A tingling sensation filled his chest, and Jehyuk shivered slightly, which Sihoo noticed with a raised eyebrow.

“You seem to have a bit of a cold.”

“Really, it’s nothing. Just a moment…”

Before he could explain, Sihoo made the first move and grabbed Jehyuk’s hand. Realizing they were holding hands again made Jehyuk’s shivers intensify. His heart raced so fast it felt like it might burst out of his chest.

Sihoo’s hand was cold. It must have been quite chilly outside. Concerned, Jehyuk moved his fingers to warm Sihoo’s cool hand back, embarrassment momentarily forgotten.

“Your hands are cold, Sihoo-ah. You might catch a cold before I do.”

Feeling that one hand wasn’t enough, Jehyuk pulled Sihoo’s hand closer and covered it with his other hand, gently rubbing it. His warm body heat slowly thawed Sihoo’s coolness.

“Feeling better now?”

From the moment Jehyuk enclosed his hand, Sihoo had been staring down at their hands. At Jehyuk’s question, Sihoo looked up, his face much livelier than before, his cheeks prettily flushed. It seemed to be working. Jehyuk smiled like he did earlier in the day.

“Hands are warm now.”

Pleased, Jehyuk grinned childishly, and Sihoo watched his curving eyes for a long while before biting his lip. Then, with his unheld hand, he half-covered his face, glancing down shyly and murmured.

“Hyuk-ah, you are…”

“Hm?”

“You really know how to charm people.”

“…Why suddenly? Me?”

Jehyuk denied having such a talent. He remembered Sihoo telling him once before that he knew how to allure others. Jehyuk had no idea what standards Sihoo had, considering it was usually Sihoo who mesmerized people with just a smile. Jehyuk was better known for rubbing people the wrong way.

“Did you do this with Hong Rina too?”

Rina’s name came out of nowhere. Jehyuk thought for a moment and shook his head. He hadn’t even held hands with Rina, let alone more.

“No, I couldn’t even hold hands with Rina. That’s why we broke up.”

After saying this, it struck him as odd. When he first told Sihoo about this, it was nearly suffocating to speak up, but now that their relationship ended on relatively good terms, it didn’t seem like such a crazy thing anymore.

“…Not sure if I should be relieved.”

Sihoo murmured to himself, so Jehyuk didn’t quite catch it.

“Huh?”

“Nothing, just talking to myself.”

Sihoo looked perplexed, his brow furrowed as if deep in thought. Jehyuk sneakily memorized his expression. Unbeknownst to Sihoo, who usually smiled in Jehyuk’s presence, he wasn’t smiling now.

Instead of feeling scared, this felt like a sign that Sihoo was more at ease around him, which made Jehyuk feel even better. Being with Sihoo made him feel light and uncontrollably giddy. It was usually a good feeling.

“Is there something on my face, Hyuk-ah?”

Feeling his gaze, Sihoo, who had been lost in thought, suddenly asked Jehyuk. Like someone caught doing something wrong, Jehyuk quickly shook his head.

“No, just hungry.”

Jehyuk blurted out the first thing that came to mind, but Sihoo seemed to remember something important and exclaimed, “Ah!”

“Sorry. I’ll go wash up first, then you start eating.”

“Let’s eat together, Sihoo-ah.”

“…Alright. I’ll make it quick.”

Though it was a bother, Sihoo agreed to his request. Jehyuk was inexplicably thrilled and smiled again. His simple yet captivating smile caught Sihoo’s attention. Unaware, Jehyuk headed to the kitchen. He intended to warm up the food so they could eat immediately when Sihoo returned from the shower.

Jehyuk quickly finished the preparations. He gently heated up the nicely grilled mackerel left by the aunt on the frying pan, and he warmed up the pot rice with beans in the pot. To find other side dishes, Jehyuk opened the refrigerator for the first time. There wasn’t much inside: no juice, no soda, just some side dishes his aunt had prepared for dinner.

He took out some white kimchi and soy sauce braised beef to go with the rice, completing the meal. However, he realized that all the dishes were ones that Sihoo didn’t eat. It looked healthy and appealing but since the main dish was fish, there were no suitable sides for Sihoo.

“You could have started eating.”

Just then, Sihoo emerged from the bathroom. Jehyuk, who had lifted his head without thinking, saw Sihoo’s exposed skin through the opening of his robe and froze. It wasn’t as bold as being shirtless like before, but this outfit was still rather revealing.

Sihoo’s silhouette was clearly visible in the navy robe and pants. His solid thighs and broad shoulders were especially accentuated, and because he had barely buttoned up, his abs and chest muscles were all exposed. A sudden rush went through Jehyuk’s body, and he quickly turned away, his whole body heating up.

“What’s up?”

“Uh… just checking if there’s anything else in the fridge.”

Jehyuk’s excuse had the opposite effect. Instead of sitting down at the table, Sihoo approached him. The sound of his footsteps grew closer until he stopped right behind Jehyuk. The scent of Sihoo, fresh from the shower, enveloped him. His damp hair smelled like wet grass.

“The aunt probably didn’t prepare much. She comes every day, cooks according to a set menu, and leaves.”

Sihoo’s voice rang right by his ear, making Jehyuk shiver. A chill ran down his spine.

“Menu?”

As if enveloping Jehyuk from behind, Sihoo pressed closer. The sensation of his chest muscles lightly touching Jehyuk’s back made him stiffen. There was a hint of laughter in Sihoo’s voice.

“Yeah, menu. She cooks exactly what the nutritionist has planned. She doesn’t make much, just enough for that.”

The refrigerator door opened, and the breeze it caused made Jehyuk step back, resulting in him being perfectly embraced by Sihoo. Sihoo wrapped his other arm around Jehyuk’s waist to steady him.

“Be careful.”

Jehyuk’s breath caught. It was a different kind of breathlessness than before. Previously, it had been panic-induced difficulty breathing, but the tension from Sihoo’s touch brought more trembling than anxiety. His heart fluttered painfully.

“Then, let’s just… eat like this.”