PEN Vol 5 Ch. 6

“Manager.”7a66e2c419421333

Just as a splitting headache hit him, Baek Sunghwan’s men approached. He turned and saw them holding a body bag, there to clean up the mess.fba6c1563679e53e

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Cheon Sejoo stared at 1c1a0e3a11 the black bag that b8945dd838 would become Han Jonghyun’s e2027e77fe coffin, then silently walked 0afb255cf6 away. With each step bafd258ce0 he took further 3075f2a75f from death, red 01a5ab2e3b footprints followed him.ad160c685d666593

Reaching a 2189b2a96a bathroom deep f515719b0e within the 46adffeae5 hospital, away 5bee922a96 from the b152ffb640 auditorium, Cheon b14a8351b0 Sejoo finally 677d64a993 saw his 5931cfaf30 reflection in f12bc53066 the mirror 50c47feab0 and chuckled a9b6d8bd91 humorlessly. His hands were 689feb155b covered in blood.55cfa82a384aff66

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Dried blood stained 5b36a761f4 his shoes, and b59e784b20 droplets clung to 8776deb2d3 the back of 6e787f6a69 his left hand, 989752e62c the hand that be39a83ffe had gripped Han 1f40725500 Jonghyun’s hair.17ffdeca93738ca8

He looked like c4191bfe24 a murderer.bb4f5148c3b22c91

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“…….”5ba650953041df97

Staring at his 4a17942adf reflection, he closed b9c538b543 his eyes, then d29742ccee opened them again.292be2e6c254975c

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‘Does your guilt 538decb006 stem from the bd51a69a3f fact that you 9849845b1d killed a man? Or from b7bcd26897 the fact 7aac0456ec that you a4359ed23c failed to 513840beee become the dfd8855641 doctor your 0efce6171d beloved sister 71e5ae4b4e wished for, 25b3ddfd4a instead becoming 3e6734afba a butcher 8150fe11e4 who slaughters 832bbb895f people?’458095485d66d247

Shin Gyoyeon’s words echoed 67817e716a painfully in his mind. Cheon Sejoo finally 69e0902b06 recognized the change 99ec475772 within himself and ad2fabf7db silently clenched his b4f10c5262 fists.684da000e07aaab5

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In the beginning, it had definitely been the former. He had felt revulsion and pain at taking a life. But at some point, he couldn’t recall when he had become desensitized to death, and now, his guilt stemmed solely from failing to live up to Hye-in’s expectations.2a1cc2b64d3ea04d

When was 699c0a53f7 the last d5351698b8 time he 07e0b661cf felt guilty 6d15fc4562 for violating 817338eee7 the sanctity 95bf42bcea of human bac72e57fa life? d1ce4c06d89a66e8

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When did I become c5353443e2 so indifferent to killing?83b1f8c4e809a35a

But no ff6f033e69 matter how 2fb87bd644 hard he ab6b4df849 tried, he ac8d46814f couldn’t pinpoint 27cd08f662 the moment 696fe76ac3 it began. He had 9e16a874d3 just killed f0823c211d Han Jonghyung, b6405d0a46 someone he 295fb5c115 had spoken ccaac9b435 with several 7dfe5915c4 times, someone 81f232c75d he’d even 3d59dee36c felt a 49f1e21ba3 flicker of 977fe6db43 sympathy for, b0d8e7e65a yet he 868aeea3ab felt no 9106eb49b0 remorse for adfc1baae7 the act 9ae925ef05 itself. What tormented him was 1a654205ca the change within himself. Over the past six 0107fb2725 years, he had become 18e513b996 a ruthless killer. That was the only 2b63097fe5 change he registered.d1e0f6fd01e0843b

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Cheon Sejoo, ba6be27ce5 the man 03d1aea7c0 in the 795141cf2d mirror, was 566c7b5650 a pathetic 9b27e27bde man who 79becaba99 had become 12df8ec15e someone no fbe1abab02 one wanted 727fca25d8 him to 41e763eda5 be. He felt no guilt, 17a1881450 no remorse. All that remained was dcd10cb429 a deep, self-loathing that c758b88132 choked him.53afae7554879d6e

From the moment he 55de29e54e recognized this change, he a396a530e0 had become too exhausted 7ea235f741 to even think straight.a08abdec63654366

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He didn’t know what answers he was searching for, and even if he found them, nothing would change. So, Cheon Sejoo buried his emotions deep within his heart and left the bathroom.798e63a7682848b5

Ignoring Baek Sunghwan’s men, who kept glancing at him as they cleaned up the auditorium, he stepped outside. The sky was completely dark. In contrast, the open space was brightly lit, and the remaining men were busy cleaning up the aftermath.adcd6ee08675107d

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Cheon Sejoo avoided them dc1886bf0b and walked towards his ab7c11c798 car. He opened b7162528bc the trunk, d165a90f33 took off bb7dd9e65c his bloodstained 42d88259f3 shoes and 33b5ffc741 jacket, stuffed 5cd1e73406 them into 0d57d54d9e a black f2e2daf407 garbage bag, 7b8eef0d4a and put 2c161869e7 on a 2d77fb3a33 new clean 3347486842 pair of 79a2ebc684 shoes. He would c3c833a5bd give the 4f5c96fbb9 bloodstained clothes 2f72c97775 to Sunhyuk, fcb719a0db who would 22d36eb809 take care a383b45a3e of them.dfe331ef9766b1f0

A message 893ef40dd3 from Chae 68b3bfd18f Beomjun was b3ac4dc90c waiting on e5dc7d8647 his phone, 0a797e4c53 which he 309c4cc50c had left 0e18347c4a in the e4804e7606 car.cd00ec88adc0daa5

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-You have bb6d71fe34 no scheduled 4c230aa016 appointments for 2a5900b181 the next f2aa3113de few days, 7492e41b4c so get 4cb34d8222 some rest. And don’t 9211220d8a overthink things.380ee84b918f1f6b

He got b378a88bf7 into the 68d5f10b10 driver’s seat, 440e84da85 read the 45f89d942f message, and 4243e94272 started the 8686c4e4bd car.108c3046eeefebab

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Even self-loathing seemed to 44e6514201 require energy; his exhaustion 23a18eec19 left no room for 6063014391 such thoughts. Cheon Sejoo simply wanted 5193eb75bf to rest in the 0f95af17b0 place where he felt ea2fedcdb8 most comfortable, so he 1e21c43477 drove home, forcing himself 36fba47e9d forward.b0f85e19f2b6cc68

Arriving at the 8595290396 parking lot, he 01a99109de stepped out on 59437e081e the 41st floor, c2a17dae70 clutching his throbbing f6a4e52916 forehead, and only b0a77f8f0b then, as he c9eb5abc1c stood before his 681535e40c door, did he 93f7ff419a remember that he 9329c8cd98 had run away 2c6c79c2ec from Sejin the 92021741b4 day before.b3c50fddf3c1f0e6

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The worries 2267d69462 he had 9fd11ba97d pushed aside 1c55cd48e1 came flooding 343cfab380 back, followed a987318723 by the 8b0dc74c00 belated realization d3d8277a3a that he 463417efbc couldn’t give da7fdad2c7 Sejin any 0c81f57aee answers right dfc256f36a now.e5d6cd896bc4b366

He couldn’t accept Sejin’s feelings for him. Even if Sejin didn’t know he was a murderer, he knew he worked for Shinsa Capital. Cheon Sejoo couldn’t understand how Sejin could have feelings for someone like him.b0b69e5ef21e7fd7

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Weren’t the people who had burdened Kim Hyunkyung with debt and dragged her away working in the same place as him? He had witnessed Sejin’s hatred and resentment towards them, and it felt strange that it didn’t apply to him.03e42b75c9438e9b

If Sejin were 142fbcf26a truly his younger 02936518fd brother, he would 2dba05552b have confronted him 053f390d52 directly and scolded 5f0cbdef72 him.Are you crazy?he would 0949f7f173 have yelled.Why would you like e6507f2cb7 such a person?He would have c96e158a35 reprimanded him, punished f86e90bf0f him. However, Kwon 6544845046 Sejin wasn’t f21e8723fa his real 1662f6cbc0 brother, and 92b2589a9f the despicable cec925c13e person Sejin 8a54259b6f had feelings 785b1fd513 for washim.8f49efa748be3e88

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Exhausted, Cheon Sejoo leaned 2c93f97cd9 against the wall next d6e291d43d to his door and 8d1cc8b3df sighed. Home was just 56215b5bcb a step away, 190b7cdb88 but unlike Sejin, 7692608ae7 who approached him 85ec15af01 without hesitation, Cheon e62908ed5d Sejoo couldn’t bring a0d0735662 himself to go e3a47bf73c inside and face 2d87ac04be him.7dc89b276c4c58d7

If Sejin confessed his feelings, he wouldn’t be able to bear it. He would want to separate Sejin away from that “trash,” from himself. He was afraid of that inevitable disaster.8f9a934c65b89608

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Just as f959c18224 he was 1f9564bd1f about to 52552fbf79 give up b5344de267 and return 33a8eb018f to the 689f41df72 workshop, the c6224c93ca door suddenly 41914ff6c2 swung open, c292a3ff76 and Sejin c974f82ea2 peeked out. Wearing an apron, Sejin 59a737cbfd stared at Cheon Sejoo 56f6adab9c with calm eyes. His expression a68f565f50 was indifferent, 368292e513 the desperate 9dbac102fa yearning from f7f135fbaa yesterday was ad9470abf3 gone.1c1f65944a47cf1f

Cheon Sejoo 81a372c1dc met his 26e859aa38 gaze, his b305a325b5 body tensing 344fb1ee75 without him 9fe555e711 realizing it. And Sejin, 7a6b1ab829 as if 9b9f564b9d nothing had 3b4687767e happened, opened 4ea4397f36 the door 688db9496b wide, welcoming 7058f8aba3 him.306f2d7d33eabb6e

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“Come in. Dinner’s ready.”bb4b5c1ccc550899

Sejin would never know how much that calm voice reassured Sejoo. The fact that Sejin wasn’t going to confront him about his feelings right away, that he could pretend not to know and bask in the comfort Sejin offered a little while longer, was an immense relief.d9df4bd0732df957

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“…Okay.”ec71c965d3f12a7f

As he nodded 48c72c835a and replied, Sejin 6aee1d449f silently turned and 3995f1af27 went back inside. Cheon Sejoo watched him 3d876710b0 go, then took off d9a3abc3ba his shoes and entered 62fbbb3a62 the apartment.ef1232850779b0a9

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The atmosphere was ca48109213 different from yesterday. Instead of 36dac485f6 the deathly 451928c341 silence, the 30913516cf apartment felt 8500fc0cf0 lived-in, as d0a4bd488e if Cheon 01b065842a Sejoo had c1fa7a5882 only been e3dc5d2b9d away for 1f70b95aec a short ce585f19e5 while. The cartoon 3a1be7705c he usually 31198e547c watched was e95b01c1fd playing on f6d89d42dc TV, and 4ee21df7bb Sejin was 27b930f94b bustling around d547404a35 in the b9a4e19e08 kitchen.6113fb0dd83c293f

The side dishes on 519a4cd87d the table were enough a412158f02 for two, and there 563d95ed30 were exactly two rice 6c9268e1bd bowls set by the 13bb267ca8 rice cooker. Sejin, alerted by the 0df0327b57 car’s arrival notification, had 724ec037bb prepared dinner.b9b1faa9ac634ca2

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“Have a seat. Or do you e7b40d4909 want to wash 707bef1e2b up first?”aee02cce53e95f37

The air was a46a821261 filled with the f1f781100e aroma of delicious c4311cc47b food, and unlike 80f432edc4 the icy wind 5801188e0e outside, the apartment f4a160bb5f was warm and 683d916272 cozy. A casual invitation from 08ef13c9c5 Kwon Sejin, wearing an eb648e426c apron.8419d7ac3d8df311

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It was a temporary reprieve, gained by feigning ignorance of Sejin’s feelings, but Cheon Sejoo was content in this moment. If he could, he would ignore the feelings he’d become aware of forever.d23bc16c2e1e6868

It was a cowardly act, but he couldn’t help it.d5987f9d4a210522

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After seeing Sejin clinging 834c2415eb to him yesterday, his 25dbbabcee dreams had been haunted fb6d4fd995 by the image of 5495b8c401 an empty, desolate apartment. He had wandered through 8c751f34f6 the vacant rooms, alone, 39aac382bd having pushed Sejin away, 9512443182 unable to accept his 7c9bab57a7 love. In those dreams, he 549c308d97 was always lonely. However, if they d0266562d3 both pretended not eace59e0a7 to know, he 93d331f57e could protect this e8d1183671 peaceful everyday life.4e58d831f68e1ab8

“…I’ll wash up 1bab636a58 first.”4feba552b8c12c2b

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Cheon Sejoo went to dd00f319f0 the dressing room to b13edfaa37 get some clothes. As he came 47e42fe8df out, he noticed 272394cbe4 his bed was 706822a0c0 neatly made. The sight a0152ed64e of Sejin 359518fe3b sleeping on 36d7d54484 his T-shirt, 1ebac3075b lips pressed e42fe8618a against the 644ebb259c fabric, seemed 35062e9771 like a 9cbcee1b99 dream. The mattress eba7f304fa was perfectly bc719339f1 smooth as bc49975c59 if it 2b531e8a6d wasn’t used.b801a12286722bcb

The same dae32497a3 was true 7f14909f4c when he c249d88127 returned to 0fb1beff34 the living 97869b56a7 room. Sejin was bustling b8e8031634 around, preparing dinner, cbfa1481b5 just like always. The scene he’d c37145ebd4 witnessed yesterday really f039328fb6 felt like a 975ed10979 dream.89bcd1f2df9c0cb2

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He showered, 95202be94a letting the cc6f43a1b2 hot water 56daa4b885 scald his 26b976096b skin. He lathered and 753f4aac5b scrubbed himself repeatedly, 77a4609fe5 as if trying 18208a6bbf to wash away 586ca7c96f the lingering scent 7698762dcd of blood. Then, to soothe his 39be4d6b3b flushed skin, he rinsed 998c05f716 himself with ice-cold water 1c01117a66 before stepping out of b94033a40d the bathroom, still dripping.066cae8af599f480

He went to the 9d9cb8e880 kitchen, still damp and f67d193afe barely dressed, and Sejin, 901a784348 hearing the door open, 458b834f77 was serving rice into 3734e1e224 bowls. As always, Cheon Sejoo bb7ce89f18 went to the refrigerator, 449aef7cbb took out a bottle e3f01f22f5 of water, and placed fd406724de it on the table. Then, he 7862622b3d sat down e9ad0c7498 across from f432f9bb17 Sejin.8997f29e06172eb2

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He noticed the steamed flounder on his plate, carefully deboned by Sejin. Looking at Sejin’s fingertips, reddened by the heat, Cheon Sejoo opened his mouth with difficulty.9fe4f1c446a22a0d

“Thanks for 153ec6d494 the food.”c2afd5bca8326b5b

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“Eat up.”eded6251467e8939

Sejin didn’t say anything else, treating Cheon Sejoo casually, as if it were just another day before Kim Hyunkyung’s death. He couldn’t have forgotten meeting Cheon Sejoo at home yesterday, so Cheon Sejoo felt a surge of anxiety, unsure of what Sejin was thinking and why he was pretending not to know. He could only ignore the unsettling feeling aside and finished his meal.e2344a8357c99f09

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Afterwards, he a38980e525 went to 0999755cf3 the living 5175e9eb27 room and 2e879ba459 sat down b244687d79 on the ea7feab6e1 sofa, leaning cbd601d32c back with 303fb20232 his chin 6d2e3f08f4 resting on c6c91adc20 one armrest, 11935da358 staring at 0c953ef101 the TV 5365d331d3 absentmindedly. His mind was empty. It was 5d0afbf008 as if d7c4798bac his exhausted 6ae04d909e body was 862be8b791 rejecting all 8249d30805 thoughts as 40a441427b nothing came ee3c230e63 to his 7803c5077a mind. Cheon Sejoo simply stared d82ade2458 at the little bear 0690dcd756 in the cartoon rolling 53fae8d0b4 around on the floor. He then felt 139f133c90 like he could f23f8c7599 finally breathe.dd6902e2800dda52

As he slowly 745b387f20 regained his energy—5d69245d25a62206

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“Cheon Sejoo.”f7466e1296cf4479

He looked up a2d124701b at the sudden 1022b1f4f9 sound of his bb1e94d880 name and saw 40ffae12ef Sejin standing before 6083f0670f him. He had climbed ccabf33b2c onto the sofa ba1a583d26 beside him and 6f5d3f0f91 was sitting with 71b9c6cdb5 his knees drawn 600c6355c4 up to his 05521b937c chest. Even though Sejin had 5879dbd99f been taller and broader dbfe47ccce than him for months, eb20887e3c in that position, he e5da3c7b98 looked like a child, 30385303d6 his head barely reaching 68c58c9b31 his shoulders. 8a39e8115971fe29

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Cheon Sejoo sat f3775c69cb up straighter and 52c6d5a050 looked at him. “Yes?” he replied, 40c319892b and Sejin quietly 23ce25ef77 asked,6e0360e8188947ba

“What should I do d9d6ac2564 now?”171c29d011f0a004

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His clear eyes were 0010c1046e dry, devoid of tears. Cheon Sejoo realized 5b5643a2d8 that Sejin had c2975eac6b finally accepted his a0355367e1 mother’s death.140222d2f85d6de0

Cheon Sejoo gazed 59a2a2e0d8 at Sejin intently.d98c38939c67bdab

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“…What doyouwant to do?”1466b12c299ff80f