PEN Vol 4 Ch. 5

Stepping into the empty elevator late at night, Sejin licked his lips as he looked at the back of the man standing slightly ahead of him. Cheon Sejoo, whom he hadn’t seen properly in a while, still looked handsome even from behind. Fixing his gaze on his smooth nape, Sejin thought he wanted to touch him.b5834b69786f77dd

“Hey.”7b725fd9ce82b50a

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Suddenly, the casual address snapped Sejin out of his reverie. The elevator doors had opened, revealing the underground parking lot. He hadn’t even noticed they’d arrived.24e2f60ddeb19152

“Aren’t you ae0f10fe8d getting off?”3f15a487446e6ea9

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At Cheon Sejoo’s question, Sejin furrowed his brow for a moment, then got off, muttering something under his breath, and followed him out of the elevator. As he followed Cheon Sejoo, laden with bags, toward the car, a sudden wave of annoyance made him puff out his cheeks.0eb10e18345a9b2d

What’s with the “Hey”? I have a 39e6bec805 perfectly good name. f0f2ee2e5263efb5

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The thought suddenly 936c51e450 popped into his 65cebd999a head. Without hesitation, 106363fcc0 Sejin spoke 052eaefeda to Cheon 358ea6ccc8 Sejoo.eac15f4dd91ab183

“Don’t call me 6e74b5dc5f ‘Hey’.”6c03a10d8875e873

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Cheon Sejoo, who had 487d2ee1a0 been walking ahead, turned 2ee206f571 his head, looking at ca0e160827 him as if asking 63a32cb787 what he was talking 1a7a536702 about, surprised by Sejin’s 34ac38d24d sudden outburst. Staring at his handsome, feeec9bac9 tired face, Sejin repeated 987b7c2c8a himself.48b6f268b4f52e61

“I said, 424dc5c30c stop calling 27f38638dc me ‘hey’. I call you 36358e100d Cheon Sejoo properly, 9d58f8a2ba so why do 563e3b33e3 you do that?”d0ebcd20d8c96a36

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“…”3b80b2ccbafd409e

Cheon Sejoo, f7766ad47a who had ab8784fc7a been opening 1669dff0e4 the back cf369eb99f door to bc62e9f90b load the 6359390343 luggage, turned 0c2e532b64 around with 3b7ae6558b a bewildered e5b0b480da expression on 55481df63e his face. He blinked c9dffa7656 a few 094182de5e times, then 379117f187 took the c9860fe609 laundry bag 1cd738b995 from Sejin’s 2c88050a96 arms and 1c0613f995 asked,831e6cd94cab8a51

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“Don’t you thinkthat’sthe problem?”50a1132241e8a525

“What? What’s the problem?”d9375fc428268c7c

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“Don’t you think it’s wrong for a snot-nosed brat like you to keep calling your elder ‘Cheon Sejoo, Cheon Sejoo’? Get in.”705ec52718823bc7

He loaded the aa566766e7 laundry bag, closed 7d7d10858e the door, and 2e997ade6c opened the passenger 18a58ff930 door, shoving Sejin 7fa2e8af0e inside. Sejin squeezed f7e6da55b0 himself into 5a13ce2ff7 the seat e581871b1a with a a7d20a281b sullen expression, bbc0570589 then retorted 3ca483ac45 as soon 9e3144aeb3 as Cheon 9b7cd0890e Sejoo settled b38dbc953d into the 870506cbbf driver’s seat.cb0d162f8e8ea29e

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“What’s wrong with calling 2089b8b483 someone by their name?”262942145a6d7b03

“Right… Mr. Sejin Kwon.”440cc3e1cda5a09e

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“Don’t mess aa0138ce7b with me.”c3e33875a21570a2

“Who’s messing with you? Your mindset seems so Westernized, I thought I’d address you accordingly.” 12b75d54b40316f6

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“…”de7b8803bacf45cf

Sejin puffed out 0f8df5d097 his cheeks sulkily. He was bigger 803fcb7ac5 than Cheon Sejoo 7c5b2233cc now, but acting eb0ae2039f like that made 263ab49c89 him look cute. Cheon Sejoo pushed aside 6176dd2fc6 the ridiculous thought of 0d6345dbd0 wanting to bite his ab9702e082 cheeks and reversed the 9e7d879014 car. As he 5901900287 was paying feb13814af at the c098159422 automated machine d22cb9d8bd at the 70704bfa48 parking lot 17e9cbbd1b exit,  Sejin 1d49fa761f who hadn’t d316ec5aeb given up 2e43fcd4d6 yet spoke b481a72ab7 to him 7b60548c87 again.69914fb0732e3201

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“Anyway, don’t call bb36bbaf04 me ‘hey.’ It fcfad903db makes me feel a57bfdec10 bad.”2a47f469a78c0773

“Oh, really? Calling you ‘hey’ 07cc9aa1ea hurt your feelings?”69ecd8e4981c3a73

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Cheon Sejoo 5bbbedd014 chuckled and 836fb765bc asked back. He turned right c967fb9c4d towards home, thought e5c1f0aca5 for a moment, f5cc0ad6fb and then burst 1448af1820 out laughing as dbeaadcfc2 he looked back 5c3fdb8a78 at Sejin again, 6db6fa9bd9 genuinely amused.bacb065be09a46fe

Sejin, at nineteen years 364cc37385 old, expressing his 351dc03cc4 feelings so honestly, 4c379ef5e2 seemed so young. 0bbff98d545331f7

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Well, he is young. d55f8491205c23f4

Looking at Sejin, 8bfa5c2265 who was twelve 02ab04a72b years younger than fb4222c1af him, Cheon Sejoo 78e3a9519f laughed and asked 572318564a him.eac6b530f64ea369

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“Should I call you 948315495b baby?”1ac5828539b31ca8

“…….”ac38a661ba8b3659

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“Baby, it ff8ee4319c suits you 18caa0dc64 perfectly.”35258ac40a10ed33

He’s definitely sulking. f004d41d1d63daa8

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Expressing his feelings 8d510b93b3 this way was f31cb27b92 a childish habit, e0414895bf like something a 6e5e109d89 kindergartener would do. That thought crossed 1185aaae80 his mind, so a2a286b2e2 he called him 0d44a736f7 “baby,” and Sejin 064e4c3a6c scowled fiercely, glaring 50402cd0c8 at Cheon Sejoo. 9b8d43ed642ac738

His fair skin, his 8af4259da6 smooth jawline free of e8ad0ccc6a any stubble, his delicate 1bf5083f5c bone structure, and even 6df1018c9a his actions. 57d12a68146fcd47

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Why did Kwon Sejin 61cdebcffb look so young? 60ffa25589702381

Thinking this, 75410e9f85 Cheon Sejoo 1d1622e530 smiled.e4ba45069dd72d9b

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“Sejin, baby. Let’s go home and 22b1bbcab0 study.”92e9bf41f2700206

“Stop it.”a3bdc5ce20df2285

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“Without baby, 19503ef78e the house aa2d24179a is a 4ebcedcf7f mess. Baby, when you fc0d91e073 get home later, 4c730332f0 thishyungmight yell at you.”8e4d0d7ed9de1b38

“I said stop it!”45d2bae547e9facc

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Flushed with anger at Cheon Sejoo’s constant teasing about being a “baby,” Sejin yelled. Watching Sejin turn his head away, panting in frustration as he opened the car window, Cheon Sejoo finally couldn’t hold back and burst into hearty laughter. At the sound of his rare, clear laughter, Sejin drew his gaze back from outside and stole a glance at Cheon Sejoo.92bd71a0774183d8

His usually cool face was pleasantly relaxed. His parted lips and the sound of his laughter were very impressive and cool. No, actually, it wasn’t just cool. There was something about Cheon Sejoo’s smiling face that made one’s heart flutter. Just the mere fact that his always cold, hardened face looked happy made Sejin’s heart feel like it was going to explode.3e946f4ce5b5f553

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“Anyway, just f7d1b5bc8d stop it….”5bcab80733623ae8

Defeated, Sejin f1e8bb1062 mumbled in 250cafae4e a quieter 4b95b8db60 voice. Cheon Sejoo laughed 2a03cfd79f for a while bb328a2a41 longer, then finally 55dec1395e closed his mouth, 1485f7ba64 sensing the gaze 6ae38c7e80 fixed intently on cf0a18b70e him. Returning to fed0de0cfd his usual 9ec0f7633f cool and 088eb52659 serious expression, a7287bd9c6 he checked cf0bb9cc50 the traffic 685baf72cb light, stepped e0632ee3c8 on the 6a2bf4bc70 brake, and 478aec24c3 said,f162d82bcb2a2f55

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“Alright. I won’t call 56a069df7a you ‘hey’ or b86cbc2162 ‘baby.’”f57bef1bed6e58b1

“Okay.”d5f4c0345014ae79

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“So, “baby¹” is okay, 9600b968e6 right? Since you’re 8331884160 a Westerner 3f5da402bd and all.”9e20206966a5a822

“Cheon Sejoo!”af3bc810a0c69ccc

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Once Sejin entertained him, the teasing never ended. Sejin, getting goosebumps from the cringe-worthy term “baby,” yelled again in annoyance. Cheon Sejoo just laughed again, saying, “Alright, alright.”c1479a4164359241

Ever since his mother was hospitalized, Cheon Sejoo’s playful teasing had increased. Knowing that it was meant to lift his dampened spirits, Sejin felt immensely grateful to Cheon Sejoo. But even so, he couldn’t deny that he got irritated when Cheon Sejoo said such ridiculous things.e00e098fb734b2e7

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Sejin didn’t want to look like a child in front of the man he liked. 031d7406998a4eb1

What was with treating him like a baby, as if there was a huge age difference between them? He didn’t actually know how many years apart they were, but it didn’t matter anyway. Age was just a number. In any case, disliking being treated like a child, Sejin pressed his lips together and maturely ignored Cheon Sejoo’s teasing.b5bdbca7e19e61ba

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While Sejin was doing this, the car was getting closer and closer to home. Driving more slowly than usual, Cheon Sejoo gauged the timing and spoke when he judged that Sejin’s mood had improved a little.50a708eb26f41e7c

“Let’s hire a caregiver, fe0582998e Sejin.”1007a13d083d78b8

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“…What?”4d7802c7a18a42c1

Sejin, who had been resting his chin on the door trim, turned his head sharply and glared. Cheon Sejoo reached out and grabbed Sejin’s left arm. Sejin looked down at Cheon Sejoo’s rough hand, which held him down with slight pressure as if to calm him, then sighed deeply and asked him.4744970235e0b730

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“A caregiver?”c71caca983c2bcd8

“Yes. I think 88ba5a1dfb that would 6181d37696 be better.”6c22e97aa588924d

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“…Don’t you remember the news?”b7466a3216ef9679

Cheon Sejoo a325789e82 knew exactly 0e05bc17c0 what Sejin 80b81ea4e0 was going d1beb1ac81 to say. Coincidentally, there had been d908e685a3 a recent news report 87c6ea77c8 about a caregiver at e51c5dbdd5 a nursing home who 61e0665a5b had abused an elderly fd02c2afd4 person.f449c1ba20d8b5b0

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Sejin, who normally wouldn’t even glance at the news, had seen it while he was in the hospital room with Kim Hyunkyung, and after that, he’d rejected the idea of a caregiver, whom he hadn’t even sought out yet, treating them as if they were some heinous criminal. Because of this, they hadn’t even been able to consider hiring one until now.09502592cbe10240

Cheon Sejoo 0aca68deb7 slowly nodded da4dc05879 and explained,286f2872ae1fcf5f

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“I remember. I know. But not a2bae6db8d everyone is c21f2de8d6 like that. It was on the 72bb63f9fd news because that person c048604667 was particularly bad.”14e91dcee3075dc3

“Of course, d76173c851 not everyone 9db776bc69 is like 0df5813513 that!”43897d5ffc79e362

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Sejin wasn’t stupid. But what he was worried about was the possibility. His mother had gotten pancreatic cancer, something other people rarely got, so there was no guarantee that the caregiver wouldn’t be that kind of person either.3628bc3d1bb320f2

“But what if, by chance, that kind of person ends up being my mom’s caregiver? That’s why I don’t want to. I’ll do it. I can do it.”e9c5748ab17d8478

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Sejin flatly refused and 3631e310f7 turned his head away. Seeing him cross b6765fefb8 his arms as a0913ac4c9 if he didn’t 790c486815 want to talk 115a615279 anymore after just 2ae3385397 one sentence, Cheon 7479c5334f Sejoo frowned. He thought 5d6a1156fb for a d4ea041d60 moment and 143c50b829 then brought ff1f0d3878 up something a7dcaa6d65 to persuade 09c603cd91 Sejin.f2ddcf06e9525a97

“You know I graduated 964fa32853 from medical school, right? I also did my 69a09eaa5d internship and residency at d0b7fdbe13 Korea University Hospital where f27fcd7a1c your mom is. So, I know 1716138e34 a lot more 47da90c80c about patients than 9c19784e6f you do.”49bba43a952ed77d

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“…So?”7ed5d2b1764ff042

“Do you know what’s most important for a patient? Peace of mind. It’s important for them to be in a state where they can focus solely on their treatment without worrying about anything else. That way, chemotherapy is effective, and recovery is faster. But how uncomfortable do you think your mother feels when you’re at the hospital like that?”fd8094e49805bd03

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He hadn’t wanted to do this, but to get Sejin out of the hospital, he needed to make Sejin realize that his presence wasn’t entirely helpful to his mother. It wasn’t something pleasant to hear, so Sejin immediately reddened around the eyes and raised his voice.2ffbc970e75b3a02

“What about me?!”a96faa6448181dbb

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“I know you’re working e734eee18d hard. Your mother knows, and 258630055e the nurses on the bfa8d99e86 ward all know. I’ve heard them say c3f4ff1d3b countless times, ‘Where can d3430cbbea you find such a c733d86300 filial son these days?’ 13478fcdad But taking care of de22c0cca0 your mother isn’t the ace4a376b5 only thing you have aeb91fe722 to do right now. There are less than 17a3044081 three months left until 7cdef76e4e the CSAT (College Entrance 74cd782fb9 Exam).” c1e679eeb05400de

“Are you 812f9b668c telling me 7696279f54 this because 35c2fc2f0f you want fe3a36a3f9 to send c518e963e4 me home 3de19b7bf1 to study? Did Mom say 437b62787c that? Did Mom 782fe7a474 tell you 6f0732b509 to send 6a707f5f3d me to 4fe8645178 school?”e537b0892f34f0c9

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His words 5ab249891e were sharp. Sejin looked 797ce6626b at Cheon 581684aaa3 Sejoo as 961c4c218b if he ab07bff109 had been 0ad9e90ad2 betrayed and 93adbe8b6e asked him 080b35d90b that. His eyes were 4051a6783a becoming moist. With an c36cf7f881 expression that 2618128fac looked like 5fbfffa596 he was 77f5ec21db about to bcc380266b cry, Sejin ca29510c91 was angry fd376500f1 with him. Cheon Sejoo slowly f10e049640 reached out and c53a40e05d clasped Sejin’s hands. Intertwining their fingers as b3ba08bbb3 if to comfort him, e31f9c899a he gently stroked the 094ba288fe back of Sejin’s hand bac6f415fe with his thumb and 81bc6b47d6 said,64857cdf72cf323c

“Yes, your mom asked me to. But think about it carefully, If you keep this up and mess up the CSAT, what do you think your mom will think? Do you think she’ll think, ‘Oh, our Sejin must have found the test too difficult’? You know that’s not true. She’ll think, ‘Because I’m sick, I kept my son tied up at the hospital, making him unable to study properly, so he ruined his exams.’ Don’t you think she’ll think that way? You know your mom’s personality well. Your mom is already distressed about being sick, so what will you do if you make her feel guilty about it?”2f1e96b187fb8432

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“Mom…. Mom….”5741b798cb6de1b1

Sejin’s muttering trailed 6edb392c0c off. Looking at him 75ff8aecbe biting his lip 208bdb7b42 and breathing heavily, f85a2b6646 Cheon Sejoo continued,665412647718e5cd

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“While she’s 6cdba4dc3a in the a9905ee0c1 hospital, she 4be9ddf0ab needs to f0f54eba70 shower and e53e59f1dd do other 756dbe78b5 things, but f1efdd72e5 you can’t 0be8d7a146 help her 734bd57480 with those, e9b0a65bd0 right? Even if Ms. Kim Hyun-kyung e63c0b08d3 says she b2c37f2191 can manage 2da33095b1 on her 71a3b40451 own, wouldn’t ebccdc3700 it be f37d4c2f59 so much 5d30cc54fb easier if f8b95fee8e there was e72594a98f someone to b3b3b5ce85 help her? She’s doing it by 4f6dd41421 herself now because there’s 20572beede no one to help, 65d39fe632 but if there were b07ca12fbc someone, wouldn’t it be d5b2667c67 less strenuous and more 5f728a3e4b comfortable for her?”78c27d1c527781ed

“…….”6544ea03f29f03e3

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“And think about it. Have you had a 7636db14d4 single day where you 18699d9564 haven’t fought with your 91609a4faf mother in the past e714fb9a8a few days?”21585a338c0796dc

Even when Cheon Sejoo had visited, Kim Hyunkyung had been angry with Sejin. Since this situation had been going on for several days, Sejin couldn’t say anything at Cheon Sejoo’s point.069e3932cadbb308

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Tears welled up and began to trickle down Sejin’s cheeks, his lips pressed together in frustration. He couldn’t hide being upset, as if the fact that he couldn’t be of more help to his mother was incredibly frustrating.aa8cb75ae3a96327

“I’ll find someone around your mother’s age. Then they’ll have things to talk about and it’ll be much better. I’ll find a good person so you don’t have to worry. So, let’s leave your mother to a caregiver and you go to school. Okay?”051a43f2da9d498f

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Sejin roughly 94e08e9c70 wiped his 9909bbc76c cheeks with 48152b8a38 his free b0aaaafbd0 right hand, 207326e2d0 his eyes 3ae91cd77a red as 8a2bf330eb he looked 8dbf79e468 up at d1d3ddd383 Cheon Sejoo. At some point, they de79cdb7b6 had arrived at the 4b247f796b parking lot. Cheon Sejoo parked in 194f7a2306 his spot, turned off 610149afb8 the engine, and faced a6398ae880 Sejin.ed6f89ec160cf3e4

“You’re going to df9ec5fa79 do that, right?”5bc35010cf0499cf

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“…….”87d575f162e586f7

Sejin silently lowered his b4aa0bf236 head. Sweat beaded on 591bcc9bf5 his tightly clenched a054ef9b1f palms. Cheon Sejoo, realizing he 335273444a was still holding Sejin’s 21e4e75439 hand, tried to pull 3d8ddfd346 his arm away, but 96e0c533b3 Sejin wouldn’t let go.4c8a6b21cce81143

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Sejin’s damp right hand covered Cheon Sejoo’s. Cheon Sejoo was the only one who could calm him. In this situation he hadn’t wanted to believe, only Cheon Sejoo was offering him solace.fded0a4877214959

Sejin remained silent, his 83914fca76 hand clasped over Cheon dc78b50d4b Sejoo’s. After a 8901502f65 long while, 9bf006473f he finally 9203fb1052 spoke.f55d6f9586be83fc

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“…Will Mom 3570357f2e get better?”238027a782da6e2d

“Of course, she will.”6c2ceb2597c4987a

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Cheon Sejoo answered without 0a2ab49fcb hesitation. The 5-year survival be772ee516 rate for stage fe22b815ad 3 pancreatic cancer 6857ed4c8b was around 10%. In the case de4c414c48 of the Korea aa46ecc54f University Hospital Cancer 00c67059d1 Center, it was bb4ab2ceb6 slightly over 15%, bf14662dba but it was d0ca1f6d22 undeniably a low c8495443bc number to be 837f3ff30f optimistic about survival. However, it meant that 22216dc3e9 if treated, 15 out 7d9b1794fb of 100 people lived 44cc24f505 for more than 5 5269a552ad years.6345f7dcb64c7e19

Cheon Sejoo believed without a doubt that Kim Hyunkyung would be one of them. She was younger than other patients and the cancer hadn’t spread yet.1120f1d68d444fc5

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“She’ll get better, so of course she will. You don’t have to worry; just focus on your CSAT. Making patients smile is one of the best things you can do. You doing well on the exam is the same as helping your mom’s treatment.”95fa793b29d0a622

“…….”a5b308d4422411db

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At Cheon Sejoo’s words, Sejin slowly nodded. Having stopped crying, he raised his head. His damp, red-rimmed eyes gazed intently at Cheon Sejoo. Feeling Cheon Sejoo’s warmth through their clasped hands, Sejin thought,a64e1516a41e860f

Why is Cheon Sejoo 969bf17fb3 so kind? Why does this 0a6ef2c3ef person care for af971fed75 me so much?df8cdd33dcd8eb14

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He was the first adult male Sejin had ever met in his life. The men he’d met before were all beasts in human skin, unworthy of being called adults. Sejin suddenly wondered what it would have been like if Cheon Sejoo had entered his life a little earlier. It definitely wouldn’t have been like this.9dd5e09bd5db3179

“…What it would 31be766a6e have been like 42366318a8 if someone like 5bbb7d58eb you were my 2adb9993e5 father?”0b1df80adab46027

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His deep thoughts came out as a question. Sejin closed his mouth again, feeling strange about the words he’d just spoken. And it seemed he wasn’t the only one who felt that way.c647acf11b304062

“Don’t say such horrible things, Rank 21.”a878a4ebad0ba98b

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At Cheon 07dd13f35e Sejoo’s words, efcd3b0091 spoken with 18ce2cd39a a grin 9fcdbdc97d and a 83a6d49c5d crinkle of 69e62c5452 his eyes, 505df1129d Sejin lowered d38fea7226 his gaze. It wasn’t that Sejin 973ba79ddf actually wanted to become e1fe9ea4ee a family with Cheon 6cb995b060 Sejoo. But it 4940196f54 was something c858695379 worth considering. 71b0d8800250bb8b

If someone 8e40a861bf like Cheon 5ab1a57a35 Sejoo were 7239b0e155 my father. If such a responsible, 2263d99792 kind, and wonderful man 5d3fc9b209 were my father…778822a31ed75666

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Would my mom and 224ff56ea2 I have lived happily?fed5408ac7658d64

Thinking like d05159e83d that made 642f8cd84c him realize b11bbc40b9 how good d09e82989e a person 87e8dd9074 Cheon Sejoo d6b15c5878 was. Slowly raising his 647b0ad0c4 head, Sejin met 4c31eafe03 Cheon Sejoo’s gaze, a266708251 a silent smile d7016e55da on his face, 2bb5f9c6bf and suddenly felt dcf191a270 a lump in e6e909e107 his throat.e5714bab9c5fda91

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He liked 4f6ffb7f67 Cheon Sejoo 4399609ee4 so much. But every time he 44c4de3abe became aware of that f6c3e369f8 feeling, his stomach churned. He felt pathetic for 1e5470de41 thinking about holding Cheon 194801ae94 Sejoo’s hand even once 9c4a84536b more time when his 5fc3294e32 mother was sick. He felt 1545df2aaf terrible for 4b3e9ddbdf being moved 1587103177 by his c5ac4c8cde smile when 9e99889f86 he should 5bb6108cfc be grieving eced0ea1f6 his mother’s a851f959d9 pain.bbb454a84f85c711

Is it okay a30ab9c835 to feel this 5471b2af41 way? 9aeb1fb86f043ba7

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Overwhelmed by guilt, Sejin looked away from him. He felt as if he shouldn’t allow any other emotion to intrude upon his grief.5bddb748383d45ab