PEN Vol 4 Ch. 2

From the rooftop of Hankuk University Hospital, located in the heart of the city, he could see the darkened cityscape spread out below. The city, dotted with red crosses, looked like a giant tomb. A hot wind, as if rising from hell, blew from it, carrying the heat of a tropical night. In that heat, Cheon Sejoo blamed himself.

When he first heard the news of Kim Hyunkyung’s collapse, what if he hadn’t hidden it from Sejin, as she had asked? What if he hadn’t accepted her explanation about dieting and instead found it strange? What if he had taken her to the hospital even once?

What if he hadn’t thought Kim Hyunkyung, who was continuously losing weight, was overdoing it, but realized that something was wrong with her health? What if he had noticed the reason why Hyunkyung wore makeup every time he went to Ehwagak, even on her days off…?

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All those signs, now that he looked back, were so obvious that he could have noticed something was wrong if he had paid just a little more attention to her. Why hadn’t he noticed? He felt like he was going crazy.

It had been the same when he lost Hye-in. Cheon Sejoo had been so focused on her future that he hadn’t realized what changes were happening to her. And it was the same this time. Kim Hyunkyung’s existence was essential for Sejin’s happiness, but he had been so focused solely on Sejin that he had been indifferent to Hyunkyung’s changes. He felt stupid.

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His chest tightened painfully. He felt so suffocated that he had the urge to cut open his stomach with a knife and pull out everything inside. With a blank expression, Sejoo pressed his hand against his chest and took a deep breath.

He was pulled out of his prolonged wallowing in regret by the vibration of his cell phone in his jacket. Cheon Sejoo came to his senses, realizing that Sejin was calling him. Looking down at the screen, he saw that Sejin had called him twice.

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“…Yes.”

-Where are you?

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Sejin’s voice, asking his location, was calmer than he had expected. Had he not heard the news yet? Cheon Sejoo raised his right hand and checked his watch. Enough time had passed for Kim Joowon to have explained the situation to them.

Realizing that Sejin was suppressing his emotions and looking for him, not his mother, Sejoo turned around. He slowly started walking, recognizing that Sejin needed him in that state.

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“Rooftop. I’ll be right there.”

-Come quickly….

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“…Wait just a little bit.”

He heard a small “Okay” in response. Cheon Sejoo hung up and went down the stairs. Arriving on the 17th floor and stepping into the hallway, he saw Sejin sitting outside the patient’s room.

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Kwon Sejin looked exactly as he had when he left the house earlier that afternoon. A white short-sleeved t-shirt and black shorts. Sitting in a chair with his newly bought sneakers, which he had gotten recently because his feet had grown, Sejin’s expression was no different than usual.

With his usual sullen, expressionless face, he stared down at the floor. At first glance, he seemed as if he hadn’t heard the news from Kim Joowon yet. Perhaps Jowoon had stopped by another patient’s room first and hadn’t had a chance to speak to Sejin yet.

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Cheon Sejoo approached Sejin, thinking such thoughts. However, it was a hasty judgment.

Hearing Cheon Sejoo’s footsteps, Sejin’s expression crumbled. His indifferent eyes became moist, and his eyebrows drooped. His bright red lips were marked with bite marks. Sejin looked up at Cheon Sejoo and called his name in a voice filled with resentment.

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“Cheon Sejoo.”

His voice trembled thinly as if he were about to burst into tears.

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“Where were you and why are you only here now?”

Sejin buried his face in the chest of the man standing before him. Large arms wrapped around his waist. Frozen stiff, Cheon Sejoo couldn’t bring himself to push away Sejin, who clung to him like a child, and just stood there.

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The remaining heat in his body combined with Sejin’s body temperature made him feel like he was burning inside. The guilt, like ashes falling piece by piece, left an indelible scar on his heart. 

“Mom is very sick…. Really, really sick….”

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Sejin murmured, his lips quivering.

…I know. Your mom collapsed a few months ago too. But, Sejin, I just brushed it off. If I had just thought about it a little more strangely, things wouldn’t have turned out like this. I believed your mom when she said she was fine, and I just brushed everything off….

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However, the words he should have spoken remained stuck in his throat, rotting away.

“What should I do?”

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The shirt against Sejin’s cheek became damp. Kwon Sejin shook his head, rubbing his face against Cheon Sejoo’s chest, as if he truly didn’t know what to do.

“Tell me what to do…. I don’t know anything….”

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The fragile voice tore at Cheon Sejoo’s heart. He couldn’t bring himself to tell him the truth. He couldn’t confess. He couldn’t bring himself to admit that he’d missed the chance.

“She’ll get better with treatment. …It’s not too late, not at all.”

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I don’t want Kwon Sejin to hate me. At least to you, Sejin, I want to remain a good person until the very end. 

Ignoring the sickening guilt, Cheon Sejoo accepted Sejin’s warmth, who was clinging to him, without resistance. Holding him tightly in his arms, he whispered over and over that everything would be alright.

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* * *

Sejin was quick to accept the misfortune. After crying in Cheon Sejoo’s arms until the hallway lights went out, Sejin started searching for information about pancreatic tumors the next day.

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The problem was none other than Kim Hyunkyung. As if she had vaguely sensed that something was wrong with her, she wasn’t very positive about the treatment.

“I just want to be discharged.”

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Those were Kim Hyunkyung’s words as soon as she saw the doctor who had come for rounds. Hearing that, Sejin glared fiercely and yelled at her not to say such things, but Kim Hyunkyung was adamant.

“I can bear it. I don’t want treatment. Please let me be discharged.”

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“Why are you doing this?!”

The oncologist, with a troubled expression, looked at Cheon Sejoo. He recognized him, not the tall but still student-like Sejin, as the guardian. Cheon Sejoo looked back and forth between Kim Hyunkyung and Sejin, then shook his head at the doctor and said,

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“She’ll get a biopsy, and if it’s cancer… she’ll go to the center for treatment.”

“Mr. Cheon!”

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This time, it was Kim Hyunkyung who yelled at his firm voice. The doctor, deciding to give them some time, although the patient’s wishes were paramount, instructed the nurse to schedule blood tests, a PET scan, and other various examinations before leaving.

After the doctor left the room, Kim Hyunkyung wore a hard expression on her face that  Cheon Sejoo had never seen before. Watching her with her lips tightly pressed together as if she was angry, Cheon Sejoo spoke to Sejin.

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“Kwon Sejin, go outside for a moment.”

“But I…!”

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“Sejin.”

Sejin, who was about to yell at Kim Hyunkyung, resisted with a frown, but in the end, he couldn’t ignore Cheon Sejoo’s low call. Only after he went out into the hallway and the sliding door closed completely did Cheon Sejoo move.

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He pulled a chair from by the window, placed it next to the hospital bed, and sat down. Kim Hyunkyung immediately fixed her eyes on him with a knowing gaze. Meeting her eyes, Cheon Sejoo spoke in a firm voice.

“Get the tests and receive treatment.”

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“It’s none of your concern, Manager. I’m really grateful and thankful that you’re taking care of Sejin, but this is my business. It’s not something you should be interfering in.”

Kwon Sejin was the spitting image of his mother, in appearance and personality. So Kim Hyunkyung, just like Sejin, was also extremely stubborn. Even with her pale, thin face, he could sense that she wouldn’t easily give in. Cheon Sejoo stared at Kim Hyunkyung for a moment, then asked,

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“Is it because of money?”

He wasn’t unaware of her feelings about refusing treatment. Cheon Sejoo himself was also accustomed to poverty in his childhood. It wasn’t difficult for him to understand the thoughts of those steeped in poverty.

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What frightened those who had nothing wasn’t the approaching death. The situation of struggling to survive and ending up burdened with debt was more despairing to them than death itself.

Moreover, since the doctor mentioned the size of the tumor and hinted at the possibility of cancer, Kim Hyunkyung couldn’t help but think about the days after she eventually died during treatment. Judging that Sejin wouldn’t be able to handle the medical expenses, she concluded that it would be better to just suffer and die. For her, death was better than poverty.

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“If that’s what you’re worried about, Ehwagak will cover the medical expenses as part of employee benefits.”

Cheon Sejoo lied with a straight face. He didn’t want to burden her with the feeling of being indebted to him. Not only would it not help with her treatment, but if she was as stubborn as Sejin, there was a chance that she would stubbornly refuse treatment if he offered to help.

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“So, don’t worry about that….”

“Mr. Cheon, do you think I’m a fool?”

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However, Kim Hyunkyung wasn’t a child like Sejin. She knew too much to be fooled by a few words.

Interrupting Cheon Sejoo, she met his gaze and opened her mouth.

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“I heard this is Korea University Hospital. I know that you pulled some strings to get me here. I know that, by the rules, I shouldn’t have even been able to leave the vicinity of Ehwagak. I know all of that. Other employees might be different, but those who entered Ehwagak because of debt have many restrictions on their actions. Work comes before treatment even when they’re sick, and do you know how many times I’ve heard there that it’s better not to get sick in the first place? So don’t tell me such ridiculous lies.”

“…….”

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At Kim Hyunkyung’s bitter voice, Cheon Sejoo lowered his eyes.