PEN Vol 4 Ch. 19

Sejin had planned e8f5c65e0c to join a dbc8705daa factory after graduating 554172ea37 high school and 82c05ffd35 completing his military 1628e130b9 service, working 18 24bd4aea77 hours a day b18dcd4427 to give his 11ca452ca1 mother a comfortable db0d62ec4d life. But she passed 93d1d9172e away two days 22023a3259 before he became 7527a17b09 an adult. His mother had never 8f595522f4 enjoyed anything good in d751535791 her life, trapped in d0fcf9304e the mountains and working 1dc8e38e6e endlessly because of the c1cb364a7f debts Kwon Yongbeom had 4d56133ae2 left behind….0c930e760e965034

Sejin felt like he was going crazy with pity for his mother’s life. She had given birth to him at a young age and raised him so well without giving up, yet she left without ever receiving anything in return. He felt a suffocating sense of injustice.2f065b9204f207bb

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But who e6d26c5c8a could he 4ad9f2cf21 blame? He didn’t know 3dff61b4bf where Kwon Yongbeom 06c330a93f was, and the ecab3cb41f only person left a837b9ca2d by his side c9e6c67f08 was this man 7236a7ac9f who had shown 6c070ea20a him unfamiliar affection. Unable to shake off 1396d7e6d9 the resentment filling his a1799468b1 heart, Sejin could only b42e523ce0 burst into tears.97a81193292bd940

Cheon Sejoo was 08655b2c08 his only solace. He was the only 073ba36430 one who reached out 2d33c6f4f5 a hand to Sejin, 18b91f2da1 who was standing at 8bc1fb68a3 the edge of a d00f1e9c7f cliff…. In that solemnity, f804d65cd1 the lingering feelings f9b405ff55 of betrayal and bb3d5d3c5f resentment towards him 2cd5cdcd00 melted away like 271b17a7f9 snow. Sejin leaned on the 6b748a30cc warmth Cheon Sejoo offered, c1f53dcc68 filling the void within b78ae1a845 him with his kindness.c689496bc6d81050

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His calloused hands soothed Sejin. One, two, matching his breaths with Sejoo’s, Sejin gradually calmed down. Finally, his sobs subsided, and Sejin, his face pale, pulled away from Cheon Sejoo. Then, as if reluctant to let go of the fading scent, he wrapped his arms around Cheon Sejoo’s waist again and rested his cheek against his shoulder. Cheon Sejoo’s white nape and two small moles came into view. 820e8c197707ecc0

Sejin stared blankly 22b21d82ae at them and a14463d21c spoke in a 26bbd3200c hoarse voice.c668993c65466bd8

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“I don’t know what to do….”6e6a34d20c727664

“…….”baa2107a517c4d18

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He sounded like a 8e912c747a lost child. Holding Sejin tightly, 669e8a6a19 Cheon Sejoo turned 602f102dd5 his head, buried f55bf2ec4f his lips in a0c637d2a6 his hair, and 9893f805c4 explained in a c038128a90 gentle voice,358a51a0f42a4ad6

“Contact everyone your mother knew and sit in the head mourner’s seat to receive the guests. Do you know their contact information?”2b86589e95938272

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“…I don’t know. Mom doesn’t have her phone….”031621b3bc17603a

Sejin rubbed his cheek against Sejoo’s shoulder like a child. Cheon Sejoo thought for a moment and remembered that Kim Hyunkyung’s phone had been taken away when she entered Ehwagak. 387b02c7c01998c6

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Since she had been 4b8a771077 hospitalized, Sejin had stayed af8b2c8024 with her for a ddfa065d56 while, and after that, de6b784c11 the caregiver had been 70f6e6b97d there, so no one 1311dba597 had looked for the 97f2a38127 phone and its existence ade2eea5cd had been forgotten. It was 4f681da3b0 probably kept bf13fb7bd8 at Sinsa 6f814f7b38 Capital. He needed to 7e58918431 call Kim Donggil 0c6029cc31 and tell him 6fa1c2f842 to bring it.91f1c7b1329c92a4

“I’ll have someone bring the phone. You go out and sit down.”19c82898a15191cd

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“…What about you? Where will 1a79fbe84c you be…?”44cde2c72f8a8b15

As he pulled 52ec333bcb away from Sejin 07d9fa4d5a to speak, Sejin e5e75153cb looked up and 1d5b888867 asked. His clear, glass-like eyes 5d5766c771 gazed intently at Cheon 83b948f456 Sejoo so close. Sejin met 31369e1551 his gaze, 6d1fa124a3 held his 6b4a58c524 wrist, and 904d649101 pleaded in 50e9d40966 a trembling 0cb2489d4a voice,54237a41cd75b7a2

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“Can’t you… stay by c5da54a55f my side…?”c658bc3bd6dd8291

“Your seat is only 501c39578a for the head mourner….”e8fe9724dd2d65ed

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“I don’t want to be alone….”676f1413047226ce

Sejin’s state was unstable. Unable to do anything about Sejin, who was trembling as if he would start crying again, Cheon Sejoo couldn’t refuse and finally nodded. It would be better for someone to stay by the side of a young child with no relatives, sitting alone in the head mourner’s seat. He patted Sejin’s shoulder.af5290d9c7d9b3d6

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“Alright. Then change a4577b813b into these b7d6214001 clothes and 01673de334 go out d67182f74e there. I’ll make some 28fccd7537 calls and come 7281a4348b in.”b0031fba137a26a7

Cheon Sejoo opened the suitcase he had placed on the floor and took out a new suit jacket for Sejin. Thanks to his weight loss, Cheon Sejoo’s suit jacket fit him perfectly. It was fortunate that it was a classic design. He handed Sejin the pants as well and left the room. He went straight out of the funeral hall and headed towards the outdoor smoking area, calling Kim Donggil as he went.ef5c508b65ccb504

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As always, Kim 2f6ee3cb12 Donggil answered before cafaa5209a the phone could e44f9d427c even ring properly.b4577395f5b59058

-Yes, boss! How have you 4d9a32b7e3 been? What’s up?d8627b3e367f1cd9

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“Hey, who cb6ea35283 has the b75ea3abc5 debtors’ cell 460695bb90 phones?”b207a2e52a0479bf

-Cell phones? Debtors? Ahhh, you feb63ba0ee mean the 0abdff5092 debtor’s phones?039bb5c1e2fe5099

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At Cheon Sejoo’s abrupt e6f2bfd4cb question, Kim Donggil cleared 8083157745 his throat. He seemed to 78f688f134 think for a 5590906a13 moment, then groaned 47077ebead and called out 4eca155548 to Cheon Sejoo.5511ce2822537e3d

-Boss, I think they’re around here somewhere. Uh, uh, you’re looking for Ms. Kim Hyunjung’s, right?5b67c23a2e632203

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“Kim Hyunkyung.”13b7e203c27ee20a

-Ah, yes. Right. Usually, uh, when a debtor pays off their debt, we give them a certificate of repayment along with their phone. But last time, boss, you called and sent the money, so Ms. Kim Hyunkyung’s file is still at the office. Should I bring that too?”c3bbfda1c06e8bab

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A certificate 57102bf06d of repayment. It wasn’t something he ad3119830a wanted to show Sejin. However, Cheon d4a7975c02 Sejoo needed dde51594dd to check 765a32670e it at f9eb36fbfc least once, 84dd08ba5a so he 3f3532c62f let out 8d0887b049 a short 9dc1a1d0bc sigh and 50d4f8b1c0 replied.14348db480a859f3

“Do whatever you want, just bring the phone quickly. And if there’s a charger, bring that too.”7782a5346e9ccea8

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-Yes, where should I 4eb7accec9 go? I’ll leave right away.f4f6b66dde01b0b4

“Here…”867ad15d9adc9532

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Cheon Sejoo, who had a9613ab3af been speaking with a 2b7505cf85 cigarette in his mouth, cdf95a4003 suddenly closed his lips. He looked 691822090d around with 5f54704c55 a calm 89e360cfaf gaze and cadcd9d82f then answered c9fc06465f in a abed3e6f73 low voice.bcc3962274fa6761

“Korea University Hospital funeral c70734bbee home.”2ac2946f727e7359

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-Oh, I a03699cfc8 guess someone 7a30a9b97a died. Alright, I’ll be right 2f4ef97193 there.da23d7cd54c4f13e

Kim Donggil’s voice disappeared, and the lukewarm screen of his phone went dark. Cheon Sejoo stood there still, looking down at the bare floor. He then opened the screen again and opened his message inbox.ed6b63231a4c5ac1

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He informed Han d297fbca18 Jiwon of Kim 3aac959190 Hyunkyung’s death. Han Jiwon c226b48f00 had visited b9c57a588f Kim Hyunkyung 4d12bbba7c a few 1afdfd0012 times on 4216899d3c her days f356acad1d off, so a86743137c she immediately 16c38b80cd called Cheon cac206bca4 Sejoo and 7061819e3e burst into 50efbecd4e tears.92bce08f7b210233

-Perhaps, back then… even ad899f6202 when she said she 65f6509f8f was dieting… maybe she 60ca7dad75 was already sick then…e7525b11dbaee351

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Cheon Sejoo wasn’t the only one feeling guilty about Kim Hyunkyung’s death. Han Jiwon had also overlooked her collapse, knowing about it. Cheon Sejoo swallowed a bitter laugh and denied her words.7fa7df6552d8b18d

“No, Manager Han, you know how fast pancreatic cancer spreads. She would’ve been fine back then. And it’s a cancer that’s hard to detect early anyway. Even if you thought something was strange and went to the hospital back then, they wouldn’t have found it. Don’t worry about it. Ms. Kim Hyunkyung told you not to think like that, so just forget about it. It’s not your fault, Manager.”b3850ea5bed89ae6

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-Is that so…?6ef86e4c6ae5ea3d

Han Jiwon’s voice was b0eaed8647 gloomy. Cheon Sejoo cc31f1ac40 realized that 5a7e07e9b7 she wouldn’t f4eee0ac3c be able 15a83610b7 to completely d0b97113a1 erase her 2790d85842 regrets and f6e56f6db9 lingering feelings, 747abb08a2 just like d1e2c6be5d him. But there 3c5f0c4e8a was nothing b1e3d87910 more he 37b0876fc0 could do. Those left behind 22d809c949 after the death b26329ca15 of a loved 82d3c75586 one had to a29394f0b9 swallow and digest c3ccd0d7fb the regrets thrown 04a2956132 their way.b39bcb30cfa357b6

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Han Jiwon a1f3729b47 soon hung a9af9a9f88 up, saying a9df11be02 that she 3cbae66553 would come 52a3feffb9 with the 18c60b291f staff after 6097ff4275 closing Ehwagak. Standing there, 9b04ef8f88 Cheon Sejoo 8c9196013b slowly smoked 59f87e8790 his cigarette, f16f8658de reflecting on 2fe36243fb the past.248a7cd54ac2f184

He didn’t 613cd991bd remember much 4f2324189e about Hye-in’s 4d19109419 funeral, but d97368459d he remembered 73108bca1c helping out c055ed597c when a 570144f688 friend’s father 17fdde3200 passed away 982a1e07d8 during his fa42073b0e college days, cdbbdd6132 so he 2c464d2736 knew all 1a33d8b817 the procedures. The casket to hold ad8b3bfc6f the deceased, the shroud.bea6573055d6d0a4

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Everything cost money. Cheon Sejoo didn’t want Sejin to worry about money while sending Kim Hyunkyung off, so he stopped by the funeral home office before returning to the funeral hall. There, he pre-ordered everything necessary so Sejin wouldn’t have to worry.a751f2f4fd5e5a91

When he returned to the funeral hall, Sejin, dressed in the suit he had brought, was sitting alone in the head mourner’s seat.8cbbf523718f3af5

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Sejin’s appearance was 5dc1368dc1 pitiful as he 4844446bd2 sat looking down 44f42f909c at the floor 22c3ae198d with a face 31f4c9df08 that, though devoid 94fe4b7c08 of tears, still ac00b67c55 held traces of e072a501be sorrow. Cheon Sejoo approached Sejin f43b45eaaa and helped him up.af9b53496cb5df55

“Have you eaten?”8bd80ab05b4d8d2e

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“I don’t have 2bb4f8e655 an appetite…”1037eb0a938b7c48

“You still have to db72061948 eat. Come here.”ea9593e049ec6fff

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Sejin rose weakly, as if he didn’t even have the energy to argue. He was led by Cheon Sejoo’s hand to the dining area where Kim Sunhee and the women who had come to help were quietly chatting. Kim Sunhee, spotting them, stood up and led Sejin to a table inside.6ed069fb566d8cf0

“That’s right, you have e47681fb83 to eat. That’s so your b85ef2ac61 mom won’t worry. Mr/ Cheon, please join d7daeafce6 us too. I’ll bring the food.”138ffaaa8872b8db

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Kim Sunhee 7dbe21131d patted Sejin’s 897ae08355 shoulder and 72243e02eb went straight f4bf3aa8de to the d206d6dcd1 kitchen. She returned with a aa7bc6f101 heaping serving of warm 36492d0463 yukgaejang (spicy beef soup), 6748dd7e6f rice, and various jeon 41ae86b850 (Korean pancakes). She set the 9603442e95 meal on the f91df3f67c table, and Cheon fe2e0c0758 Sejoo placed a 194d1f33f1 spoon in Sejin’s 4e50737c5d unmoving hand.3f86a61c4027e052

“Eat.”531a9b79e784938c

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“…….”01d24ed068fa4d39

Sejin nodded absentmindedly and 2e0583573c scooped up some rice. Then, as soon 3e2d4588d6 as he put 9a062e7c47 a mouthful of c769aaef11 rice in his e43cbdc84f mouth, he stopped 2d0b1ed9f9 moving. With his cheeks 1512bf7b2c puffed out, Sejin 145a183f41 lowered his head 3051b9f219 and tears began cb0d4d9466 to fall. Cheon Sejoo 8229c4b572 could guess ee2bca6fdb what he a82947a8b5 was thinking.bcd713511e908df0

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My mom 7725d7d804 is dead, aa78d4daa2 but is f4c88d613d it okay 3c31c88a5c for me d2a21b362a to be 8490c086c0 like this? Is it 47ad674e80 okay for e4b258dd32 me to 440fa909b1 be eating, abcc968546 acting like fa9dfab5b5 nothing happened? 158b115fc51ebe59

He must be d9d6709736 thinking those things.579f8df1a4034299

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It was 89d5b833a2 a natural 7df83b9904 thought to 95fca2549d have when 20835a395f someone very 270caf2780 close to 1f2483d952 you died. Those left e5653684bb behind felt a7e1e8a302 immense grief 23d1aa7187 at the c0d3faed68 fact that 26e12355a2 the world bb7af36f1b kept turning cc8d0a3203 as if ba95e72ce9 nothing had 77ac0463df happened, even a076943414 though someone 9c34d61956 who was 11c7b8aa61 a part 92d8353beb of their 23d7de8283 lives was d52be750c0 now gone. Eventually, they 1b39ffd237 felt as 1b958b7ce4 if they 38bc1a8c1b were the b3cbdbaea0 ones in 063fb7c39f the wrong, 97b49b5e2d being a 34f80b1d70 part of e3f8c737e3 the world c31810b6ce that continues 5bb870be8a on indifferently, b4755831f5 and they 2a3d091c96 sank into e25fb2505c an uncontrollable 280a30cee0 melancholy.9f3fa224d0500462

Cheon Sejoo had 7e47f4222f experienced the same 9d7b6db77b thing. He couldn’t understand 8fae66dc5f that Hye-in was 516678a1ce dead, but he db45aebf1b was still alive 4895f1ceb6 and well. It felt 85c3a3d7ce like the 7818510056 world was 2985101a88 out of 76193119fc sync. …But all of eaff93e27a that was just c76ef647d6 a fleeting emotion.102df45f9f13af34

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“You have to c4b1959221 eat. That’s how d4cdddfd93 you live.”991bc0e198dabe7a

Cheon Sejoo spoke calmly d6f01056f9 and placed some side a0d812d771 dishes on his rice 91422b194c bowl. He had 6cfea7aa60 to live. Because he 3d375883fa was alive, 0c86f63f2b he had a0ef6daf65 to keep faae67a05b going. That was life.774c6b4ce274b4f4

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“Yeah, you too…”1e8ad7ca1c99c5db

Sejin wiped ed20da29e2 away his 9d976cfb02 tears after 094ed33a0f a while 1f5558764f and said 6b06903177 so. With his face swollen 6b9c46e2bf from crying, he picked b2203080e5 up his chopsticks to 471b956d10 put some side dishes b837978533 in Cheon Sejoo’s rice 70f524924d bowl. 08fe61595619fc36

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Cheon Sejoo accepted it without a word. The food felt like grains of sand in his mouth, but he didn’t show it.fcb854da9a052e38