PEN Vol 4 Ch. 1

Reflection 2 Part 2

Time passed, and Cheon Sejoo had Kim Donggil send a text message to Han Jiwon. Han Jiwon seemed puzzled by Kim Donggil’s sudden message saying that it was okay to move Kim Hyunkyung to another location, but her worry for Kim Hyunkyung was greater, so she didn’t question the circumstances.

Two hours later, Ha Yeoreum called Cheon Sejoo again. Upon receiving her call, Cheon Sejoo immediately arranged a private ambulance to transfer Kim Hyunkyung to Hankuk University Hospital.

Another hour passed, and Kim Hyunkyung, still unconscious, was loaded into the ambulance with an IV drip, and Sejin sat beside her. Sejin, unable to hide his increasingly pale complexion as time went on, was extremely anxious.

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“Aren’t you… coming with us?”

Just before the ambulance doors closed, Sejin grabbed Cheon Sejoo’s collar and asked. Looking down at Sejin’s white-knuckled fingertips, Cheon Sejoo lifted his arm and placed his hand on the back of Sejin’s hand. Maintaining the contact, he looked at Sejin.

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“I’ll follow you in my car. Wait for me there. You’ll be guided directly to a room when you arrive.”

“…Okay.”

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Reassured by his voice, Sejin weakly nodded and released his grip on Cheon Sejoo’s collar. Cheon Sejoo reached out and stroked Sejin’s hair before closing the back door of the ambulance. Soon, with sirens blaring, the ambulance carrying Kim Hyunkyung and Sejin departed for Hankuk University Hospital.

Cheon Sejoo also soon returned to the parking lot, got into his car, and with a blank, hardened expression, stepped on the accelerator and drove towards the hospital, the image of which he could barely recall.

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By the time he parked in the parking lot, he had received a message from Sejin. Relieved to hear that they had been assigned a single room and were going through the admission process, he went up to the 17th floor where the room was located.

The hospital ward hallway was quiet but bustling. Patients and their guardians strolled around, conversing softly, and nurses pushed carts back and forth between rooms. Cheon Sejoo walked, searching for the room number Sejin had given him.

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Finally arriving in front of room 1701, he heard voices coming from inside. It seemed like the medical staff were already there. Worried he might run into a familiar face, he took a deep breath before opening the door.

“We need to do an ultrasound on this.”

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A physical examination was in progress. Fortunately, the doctor seemed to be a recent appointee whom Cheon Sejoo didn’t recognize, and he immediately grasped the seriousness of the patient’s condition.

The doctor, who had been pressing on Kim Hyunkyung’s abdomen, tilted his head. He palpated the area where her organs were located several more times, then turned to Cheon Sejoo, who had just entered, and said,

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“Are you her guardian? You’re Professor Kim Chunggeun’s student from Thoracic Surgery, right…?”

It seemed that word had reached even Professor Kim Chunggeun, the head of Thoracic Surgery. 

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“Yes,” Cheon Sejoo nodded, and the doctor pointed at Kim Hyunkyung and said,

“I think we need to do an ultrasound to be sure. How about we do that first?”

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“I’d like to go straight to an MRI.”

“Ah, okay. Then I’ll ask them to check the schedule for that first. The department head specifically asked me to take very good care of her. You’ll hear back soon.”

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“…Thank you.”

It had been a long time since he had heard the name Kim Chunggeun. Cheon Sejoo, feeling uncomfortable, pushed away the uncomfortable thoughts surfacing about what the professor must have thought, hearing his name from someone else’s mouth after all this time without contact.

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After the doctor left, silence fell upon the room. Sejin stood silently by the bed. His eyes were red as if he had been crying during the short time they were apart. Cheon Sejoo watched Sejin for a moment, stroked his hair, and then left the room.

Stepping out into the hallway, he sat down on a chair placed right in front of the room. With his elbows resting on his knees, he clasped his hands together as if in prayer and closed his eyes.

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Raised in a Catholic orphanage, Cheon Sejoo had been a devout Catholic until he joined the organization. Although he was homosexual, Sister Maria, who had noticed his difference early on, had told him that the Lord loves all His children and cherishes even their flaws. This allowed him to maintain his faith and serve the Lord.

However, after joining the organization, he couldn’t bring himself to pray. The last time Cheon Sejoo prayed was the day Hye-in’s body was cremated. As she turned to ashes and disappeared, Cheon Sejoo prayed and prayed that Hye-in would no longer suffer, and no longer be lonely.

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Today, after a long time since that day, Cheon Sejoo clasped his hands together again. He silently prayed that Sejin wouldn’t break under the weight of what was to come.

“Cheon Sejoo.”

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Sejin came out of the room about an hour later. Still red-eyed, he approached Cheon Sejoo and sat right next to him. Their legs touched. Sejin, leaning against the wall, looked at Cheon Sejoo. He, too, silently met Sejin’s gaze. Silently holding Sejin’s hand to quell his anxiety, he inwardly told him that everything would be alright.

Sejin slowly, listlessly scanned Cheon Sejoo with his eyes. After a long while, he finally spoke, his voice sounded somewhat subdued.

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“Did… you go to medical school?”

It seemed he hadn’t missed the mention of being Professor Kim Chunggeun’s student. At Sejin’s unexpectedly perceptive question, Cheon Sejoo leaned against the wall just like Sejin and nodded in response.

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“Yeah.”

“…Really? You’re a doctor? You have a license?”

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Sejin’s eyes widened. 

There had been a time when Cheon Sejoo once wanted to see Sejin surprised by the fact he had graduated from medical school, but perhaps given the current circumstances, seeing his surprise wasn’t particularly pleasant. Cheon Sejoo replied in a gentle voice.

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“This hyung graduated top of his class from Hankuk University Medical School.” 

“…….”

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Sejin’s red lips parted in shock, and his pretty eyes widened in disbelief. Straightening up, he looked Cheon Sejoo up and down, then muttered as if dumbfounded,

“Doesn’t suit you…”

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“Why? Do I look more like an actor who should play a doctor?”

“…….”

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At the nonchalant question, Sejin frowned and closed his mouth. He stared at him with a dissatisfied expression, his lips stretched into a thin line, then let out a weak sigh and nodded.

“Yeah. You look like an actor playing a doctor.”

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“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Cheon Sejoo laughed in disbelief. Sejin, as if finding his own words amusing, silently curved his lips upwards before lowering his head with a blank expression. With their brief conversation over, the two were left in silence. Those who foresee impending misfortune cannot speak freely.

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Sejin was, relatively speaking, in a better position than Cheon Sejoo. Unlike him, who knew when Kim Hyunkyyung had started experiencing stomach pains, Sejin only knew that she had collapsed due to excessive dieting and that she had been excessively thin recently.

Therefore, Sejin’s worries were limited to hospital bills. Unaware that Cheon Sejoo had paid off his mother’s debts, he was worried about Kim Hyunkyung’s bleak future, returning to Ehwagak burdened with hospital debt once again.

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“I don’t know why we got a single room. The hospital bills are going to be expensive…”

“Don’t worry about that.”

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Cheon Sejoo soothed him with a gentle voice. His calloused hand, now smaller than Kwon Sejin’s, rested on Sejin’s head. Just as how he had soothed Sejin of his sudden growing pains one night, he stroked Sejin with a touch filled of warmth.

“You don’t need to worry about things like that.”

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Cheon Sejoo’s gentle voice had a calming power. It made Sejin feel like everything would be alright as long as he was with Cheon Sejoo. He shouldn’t, but like a fool, he closed his eyes, feeling the warmth of the man sitting next to him, even though this wasn’t the time to be at ease and without worry.

Fortunately, there was an opening in the schedule, and Kim Hyunkyung was able to get an MRI that evening. The contrast agent was administered as she woke up groggily from the medication, and the MRI was completed before Kim Hyunkyung was fully aware of what was happening.

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“Mom, Mom!”

Kim Hyunkyung, who had been moved to a temporary bed while they checked the results inside, came out of the scanning room. Sejin, who had been waiting in a chair, quickly got up and followed her. Watching Sejin disappear down the hallway following Hyunkyung’s bed as she struggled to regain her senses, Cheon Sejoo rose from his seat and paced the hallway in front of the radiology department.

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“Sejoo.”

A moment later, someone opened the reading room door and called him. Turning his head, he saw Kim Joowon, his senior who worked as a radiologist at Hankuk University Hospital, standing there with a faint smile.

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“Want to come in and take a look?”

“Is that alright?”

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“Yeah, you’re her guardian, right? It’s fine.”

Kim Joowon, who had been in the same Catholic club at Hankuk University Medical School with Sejoo and Ha Yeoreum, wasn’t particularly welcoming to Sejoo, but he wasn’t uncomfortable either.

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Kim Joo-on, looking at him with a sympathetic gaze as if he understood him to some extent, had heard from Yeoreum that the patient was close to Cheon Sejoo. That’s why he had thought to inform Sejoo first after reading the images and called him in.

As he stepped inside the room, he saw a fellow doctor, who was a radiologist in training. Cheon Sejoo exchanged a nod with her, who looked at him with curiosity, and then went to stand beside Kim Joowon.

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“Look, starting from here… the heart and lungs are clear.”

The screen was filled with MRI images of Kim Hyunkyung’s body. Although not a radiology specialist, Cheon Sejoo could make out the basics. As Joowon said, her brain, heart, and lungs were clear, without any lesions. However, the organ Kim Joowon pointed to with the mouse was different.

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“See? It’s the pancreas.”

Several round lesions were visible on the pancreas. Judging by their shape, they were tumors. Cheon Sejoo bit his lip and stared at the screen. Kim Joowon’s voice, explaining Kim Hyunkyung’s condition, faded into the background.

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The pancreas, nestled among other organs in the abdomen, made it difficult to detect problems. This was partly because of its location, which made it hard to see with ultrasound, and also because the pancreas doesn’t exhibit significant symptoms while the tumor grows and the disease progresses, making early detection challenging.

Therefore, the size of the tumors, discovered so late, was considerable. If it was malignant, cancer, it would be at least stage 3. It had to be considered a difficult situation to treat.

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“We’ll need a biopsy to be sure, but when you see something like that on the pancreas, usually… You know, right, Sejoo?”

“…Yes. Thank you, senior.”

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“Don’t mention it. I’m going to see the patient now. Are you coming with me?”

“No, I’ll just…”

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The words that usually came easily wouldn’t come out. Cheon Sejoo closed his mouth with a cold, stiff expression and ran a hand over his face. As if understanding his feelings, Kim Joowon smiled bitterly, patted his shoulder, and left the reading room. 

The fellow doctor, who had glanced at him sitting in the chair, followed Joowon out, and soon Sejoo was left alone in the large room. The ticking of the clock could be heard, but time didn’t seem to be passing.

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He stared blankly at the monitor before burying his face in his hands, his features contorted.

He had expected it to some degree, but actually seeing it confirmed was a huge shock. It wasn’t simply that someone he knew was ill. It felt as though it was all his fault. Cheon Sejoo was swept away by vaguely surfacing memories of the past.

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It was Cheon Sejoo’s greed that killed Hye-in. If he hadn’t taken Hye-in out of the orphanage for his own selfish desires and left her alone in that house, she wouldn’t have been driven to the brink of despair.

If she had stayed at the orphanage, she would have received care from Maria and the nuns. She could have lived happily until now, without suffering emotional abuse from the perpetrators at such a young age.

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On the other hand, strictly speaking, Kim Hyunkyung’s misfortune wasn’t Cheon Sejoo’s fault. But Cheon Sejoo, who cared for Sejin, felt responsible for the misfortune that he would face in the future.

It was because if he had paid more attention to Kim Hyunkyung, he might not have missed the signs of her illness. Cheon Sejoo couldn’t help but regret it.

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“Why…”

Why Kwon Sejin? Why Kim Hyunkyung? They were trying so hard to live. They were trying so hard to live diligently, regardless of their own misfortunes. Why did something like this have to happen to these people…?

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The insides of his tightly closed eyes felt hot. He felt like tears would burst out if he relaxed. He couldn’t face Sejin. He didn’t have the confidence to tell Sejin to stay strong and act as if nothing was wrong.

What kind of idiot was he? Scoffing at himself, Sejoo rose from his seat. With unsteady steps, he left the reading room and headed for the hospital roof.

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