PEN Vol 4 Ch. 1

Reflection 2 Part 2

Time passed, and Cheon Sejoo had Kim Donggil send a text message to Han Jiwon. Han Jiwon seemed puzzled by Kim Donggil’s sudden message saying that it was okay to move Kim Hyunkyung to another location, but her worry for Kim Hyunkyung was greater, so she didn’t question the circumstances.93cb00d51f2959b5

Two hours later, Ha efed20fce1 Yeoreum called Cheon Sejoo f1871ce583 again. Upon receiving her 1f981788f8 call, Cheon Sejoo 53c8206102 immediately arranged a d9fda735c4 private ambulance to 8a478a5295 transfer Kim Hyunkyung e14f824309 to Hankuk University 6b4e80d2fe Hospital.aa43615c408ea398

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Another hour 8633037f65 passed, and 70081c98e0 Kim Hyunkyung, 1553f56542 still unconscious, 2ee6e3008a was loaded 75147cd2bb into the ff0575561f ambulance with 72f239291c an IV 3ed79c8645 drip, and e55905d3a0 Sejin sat 0ff8e4c9b0 beside her. Sejin, unable fbe125fa53 to hide ae112effd1 his increasingly 3c098fd214 pale complexion ff6f4e4655 as time 4965654d4b went on, f3795e1e15 was extremely 67aa3f387d anxious.cb367715f8dfc668

“Aren’t you… coming with us?”5dc61ad929d265d8

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Just before the 5236db1080 ambulance doors closed, 62b9b55992 Sejin grabbed Cheon 15990ae173 Sejoo’s collar and 4dc35ceb5c asked. Looking down at Sejin’s 0fa7c1de6f white-knuckled fingertips, Cheon Sejoo 5c8125beb2 lifted his arm and 80f8df7939 placed his hand on 60ec390335 the back of Sejin’s d78ad615ef hand. Maintaining the contact, 423c178a6c he looked at f83328073d Sejin.9b245b517dccc9b9

“I’ll follow 7f0884aa71 you in 9d1a7c1787 my car. Wait for me there. You’ll be guided directly d5bca2999d to a room when e7561fcd74 you arrive.”b2257ccca2d71714

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“…Okay.”f7e58e5472b1ede0

Reassured by 831eacc2e5 his voice, 4919c0fece Sejin weakly 04d7813057 nodded and 58df2ded7d released his fde3de9492 grip on 07a45e1cc2 Cheon Sejoo’s fde8cf7917 collar. Cheon Sejoo f956796644 reached out 68d88834f2 and stroked ee0a97dff6 Sejin’s hair 312c8a5838 before closing 15f2514a52 the back cb0ea156bd door of 906b3569dd the ambulance. Soon, with sirens blaring, c7d9f7786b the ambulance carrying Kim d1d2000b42 Hyunkyung and Sejin departed ad60a0b3fa for Hankuk University Hospital.c4cd8fb5634f8977

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Cheon Sejoo also soon 5b0967e712 returned to the parking d25b072a19 lot, got into his 8d695b6529 car, and with a 87de90f836 blank, hardened expression, stepped caac2716da on the accelerator and 83bdfa7bc2 drove towards the hospital, 0973ee8dec the image of which 4cab74295c he could barely recall.f52a80fff465f0d1

By the ad980978b1 time he c480e261fd parked in 96ccb078c8 the parking db377fd406 lot, he 07eb75c8fd had received 1ca13bcad5 a message bc56f158a9 from Sejin. Relieved to 9ab9add5f1 hear that 9b8c0601aa they had 0c5e400c2c been assigned b909f4b371 a single 6b8d23b284 room and 020288cb0c were going 52f1a6eae5 through the b8e5c68bcb admission process, 450c7510a0 he went 08fba96e1c up to ad1d130f03 the 17th d02144f8b2 floor where d13119149d the room 749144da7d was located.cb9801ed576d7984

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The hospital ward 96deb86429 hallway was quiet 59897665a7 but bustling. Patients and their 8e117dbb4d guardians strolled around, aebd2e1228 conversing softly, and fc47f3f73d nurses pushed carts 6529a1cb79 back and forth 87285dd9c7 between rooms. Cheon Sejoo walked, 41fec1ffa2 searching for the 25c847996c room number Sejin c47bbb8e50 had given him.f057844c246f33fe

Finally arriving in front 62f3914735 of room 1701, he 401d7bfb9c heard voices coming from f221a5b56c inside. It seemed like 9b5a20e23e the medical staff 0ec6ed1a29 were already there. Worried he 3fef17e0ce might run fb86c61002 into a 51cba7a076 familiar face, ef11382e8f he took 48fbca0b15 a deep 4981474ca6 breath before a5bed486c9 opening the 807acf74c9 door.3a59cf9548f7b2c7

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“We need to e091a9dc36 do an ultrasound 85cef3701d on this.”c4bd94a5ab9a0219

A physical examination was in progress. Fortunately, the doctor seemed to be a recent appointee whom Cheon Sejoo didn’t recognize, and he immediately grasped the seriousness of the patient’s condition.b18576a2d10ffd7e

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The doctor, 5630cb48b4 who had 52a366b5c8 been pressing cce485f663 on Kim 4de4dbbcf2 Hyunkyung’s abdomen, 1f54803cc0 tilted his 681d1dc929 head. He palpated the area 38d9152d99 where her organs were 16663466d1 located several more times, 09beb39f76 then turned to Cheon 46b5113616 Sejoo, who had just 0926766081 entered, and said,b9fece5b5c8873db

“Are you her 46c5390331 guardian? You’re Professor 9bc82fe033 Kim Chunggeun’s f0d4a45bb7 student from b3d5e4cd9a Thoracic Surgery, 7157014f05 right…?”bbc17bb42169d23d

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It seemed that word 4b75de2250 had reached even Professor bf66e46661 Kim Chunggeun, the head f3fb03d697 of Thoracic Surgery. 13cec9c6fd6f91d6

“Yes,” Cheon Sejoo nodded, and the doctor pointed at Kim Hyunkyung and said,e5413914a6d50949

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“I think 287a9c0740 we need 0e7c428228 to do 93a4379b82 an ultrasound 1d37eeb92b to be ac1bf8cfba sure. How about 14535c3921 we do dfe0ec4154 that first?”2b2274b109d1cc59

“I’d like to 1a45dd1bc6 go straight to f70545bb92 an MRI.”8e1d97e997e5a69f

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“Ah, okay. Then I’ll ask them d5d5b48e3c to check the schedule 5c4f2a9b16 for that first. The department head specifically 3b41c29e7f asked me to take 4effd0fbd3 very good care of 8ac2e28ac4 her. You’ll hear dae633056b back soon.”e7f102e6f88207ce

“…Thank you.”fa23179b83d32714

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It had been a long time since he had heard the name Kim Chunggeun. Cheon Sejoo, feeling uncomfortable, pushed away the uncomfortable thoughts surfacing about what the professor must have thought, hearing his name from someone else’s mouth after all this time without contact.5746f757ba5652a5

After the doctor a06a96f66e left, silence fell df0befc140 upon the room. Sejin stood silently f94e796ad3 by the bed. His eyes were red 92454731bc as if he had c85f248be0 been crying during the e14c80dcfb short time they were b9b21405e8 apart. Cheon Sejoo watched Sejin f284775eff for a moment, stroked a75a148dcc his hair, and then 1a08d4d7da left the room.4a19ffa553912f7a

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Stepping out into the c24ceea896 hallway, he sat down 166da95b14 on a chair placed b1cfcac024 right in front of a77fa5b6e3 the room. With his elbows resting 3ad2623eba on his knees, he 732d713045 clasped his hands together 87c3d76276 as if in prayer c3dd72f355 and closed his eyes.5548035977bc5002

Raised in a 6277c3fdee Catholic orphanage, Cheon 08d7b8062a Sejoo had been d5755d1c5d a devout Catholic 2944125d4b until he joined c174d4c207 the organization. Although he 2065d79110 was homosexual, 3ce577fbde Sister Maria, 1458ca8c79 who had 721bc61e2a noticed his 8f3ed83165 difference early a340bd60b3 on, had 364a87fac2 told him e1e30dadeb that the 2b92639668 Lord loves c4ce4169f4 all His cc9956b3f9 children and 4721a4f373 cherishes even 601f60c0b0 their flaws. This allowed him ef3c080cdf to maintain his cd30f0a9d6 faith and serve 2b58a5a90a the Lord.d24136979dd92018

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However, after joining the organization, he couldn’t bring himself to pray. The last time Cheon Sejoo prayed was the day Hye-in’s body was cremated. As she turned to ashes and disappeared, Cheon Sejoo prayed and prayed that Hye-in would no longer suffer, and no longer be lonely.d6387d9056bcc7ee

Today, after a long time since that day, Cheon Sejoo clasped his hands together again. He silently prayed that Sejin wouldn’t break under the weight of what was to come.90c73594311d6b98

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“Cheon Sejoo.”ff305afc6352efd2

Sejin came out of the room about an hour later. Still red-eyed, he approached Cheon Sejoo and sat right next to him. Their legs touched. Sejin, leaning against the wall, looked at Cheon Sejoo. He, too, silently met Sejin’s gaze. Silently holding Sejin’s hand to quell his anxiety, he inwardly told him that everything would be alright.be73715e9433fa05

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Sejin slowly, listlessly 3c9282c207 scanned Cheon Sejoo b32aadf618 with his eyes. After a long 2127ae32a9 while, he finally 60e14c576f spoke, his voice 256610fa5a sounded somewhat subdued.94f2550864b4122f

“Did… you f9ee13ae8d go to b84899cbf7 medical school?”6e84955f1585cd09

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It seemed he hadn’t missed the mention of being Professor Kim Chunggeun’s student. At Sejin’s unexpectedly perceptive question, Cheon Sejoo leaned against the wall just like Sejin and nodded in response.662e0965f6395939

“Yeah.”9eb382bdd8a392f9

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“…Really? You’re a doctor? You have 5669558452 a license?”8c4eef09de238a63

Sejin’s eyes widened. 04c5f2a2a8039aa0

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There had been a time when Cheon Sejoo once wanted to see Sejin surprised by the fact he had graduated from medical school, but perhaps given the current circumstances, seeing his surprise wasn’t particularly pleasant. Cheon Sejoo replied in a gentle voice.2a2bedf5b2f96798

“This hyung 1ceb36eda3 graduated top 3f9d54bc65 of his 6d381e2efb class from 81b5a4e738 Hankuk University 80dcbcc201 Medical School.” 6a3c815b53befd2b

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“…….”135656d75a176a13

Sejin’s red 3ebda7b32b lips parted 27d7f1f143 in shock, a7ac3ff3cb and his a92c25c5b4 pretty eyes ab92148ee5 widened in 67abd0be78 disbelief. Straightening up, he f9f7ad238a looked Cheon Sejoo 415254def1 up and down, f184069e5b then muttered as 86d925c7dc if dumbfounded,3216029eadd861bf

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“Doesn’t suit you…”d95f55a53ecc15a5

“Why? Do I look more bbd44a5d4a like an actor who 67c59a51d6 should play a doctor?”ff6c77e1911540d2

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“…….”854f47a8783fee1b

At the nonchalant 32e4817ad1 question, Sejin frowned 0f08bc91f8 and closed his c3dab16fde mouth. He stared at 8eaf942687 him with a b572a6b3be dissatisfied expression, his d12459db42 lips stretched into 90debbe0eb a thin line, eb0c5f3765 then let out a794df1181 a weak sigh 815bf6629b and nodded.76b8d34d955fed86

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“Yeah. You look like an ad10d8ee6e actor playing a doctor.”5cb53c8435b93592

“What’s that aba0dbb6a3 supposed to 3760bb2198 mean?”e69540efae8e00dd

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Cheon Sejoo 053ff4add0 laughed in 1f91ccb483 disbelief. Sejin, as if 05d3a1ba04 finding his own 252eee7455 words amusing, silently 186c9e8a98 curved his lips 12cd8aea1d upwards before lowering 89dfadb1ef his head with 45c00de700 a blank expression. With their brief 848e50eddc conversation over, the b8fe312b43 two were left 03798c7b81 in silence. Those who 40f80fc802 foresee impending 775217103e misfortune cannot 40d49e1fdc speak freely.f5c06972573ba87d

Sejin was, relatively f7156dd294 speaking, in a 2fcf073cf4 better position than 4a2c4adede Cheon Sejoo. Unlike him, e7fdf5bb17 who knew 625724b44c when Kim 9fc81731b2 Hyunkyyung had 3397a5ec94 started experiencing 109eda4223 stomach pains, 399e01839d Sejin only ff9a41bcff knew that d3b3791da7 she had 4ab468e6c6 collapsed due f62460b2bb to excessive 3ad1dfe8ad dieting and fdcc2951ab that she eef0612a2b had been 22d83834ef excessively thin 2849702e9c recently.4c288cc16a080ab3

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Therefore, Sejin’s worries were limited to hospital bills. Unaware that Cheon Sejoo had paid off his mother’s debts, he was worried about Kim Hyunkyung’s bleak future, returning to Ehwagak burdened with hospital debt once again.39a4e296a5e90aef

“I don’t know cfdd0b3b83 why we got 602874c141 a single room. The hospital bills are 631cdabe99 going to be expensive…”fa1ad2ffeb1afb64

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“Don’t worry about bbf3b02400 that.”7dffd65e98e74f13

Cheon Sejoo soothed 3405cd4c3d him with a 44ddceb26c gentle voice. His calloused hand, 8de3d224f0 now smaller than 1ab36038a2 Kwon Sejin’s, rested 3b1b669d88 on Sejin’s head. Just as 0000f82cb2 how he 54e44b4f2d had soothed 93742534c9 Sejin of e6b5a3ec17 his sudden f2215d0907 growing pains cf0f71509f one night, 8751987142 he stroked 524a4638eb Sejin with a2283946bf a touch e2f6baf3c5 filled of e743197ab8 warmth.6cb926005a0a6da7

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“You don’t need to 843cc1de5e worry about things like 76e1b34d32 that.”5055a892800b477f

Cheon Sejoo’s gentle voice had a calming power. It made Sejin feel like everything would be alright as long as he was with Cheon Sejoo. He shouldn’t, but like a fool, he closed his eyes, feeling the warmth of the man sitting next to him, even though this wasn’t the time to be at ease and without worry.40ca5612b1fa22c1

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Fortunately, there was 63ced0f2e5 an opening in 32fcc9f582 the schedule, and e297b55225 Kim Hyunkyung was 4f17df7067 able to get 2ad456c521 an MRI that 91b06d2eec evening. The contrast agent b83f722c22 was administered as d7c4a30bcc she woke up 0a3384a23a groggily from the 431e5d4744 medication, and the 79c16cf85b MRI was completed 29371a7f06 before Kim Hyunkyung 0d4f57cb88 was fully aware 74a8667ca4 of what was 7e5a7735ea happening.0bf29821cdbaafd8

“Mom, Mom!”8207177ccc500d87

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Kim Hyunkyung, who 1578bb5a31 had been moved 1d1c9ea9d7 to a temporary d4fbd7a72f bed while they 0f2f182aee checked the results 0030fc7f34 inside, came out f9697e55c8 of the scanning 1d287ab599 room. Sejin, who had been 36cb04fa06 waiting in a chair, d25c821427 quickly got up and 4dfdce5bd5 followed her. Watching Sejin disappear 645d80a1f0 down the hallway 5fbe306cf1 following Hyunkyung’s bed bb7c06249b as she struggled 74a36e7eb0 to regain her b43266a427 senses, Cheon Sejoo 8f9df65333 rose from his ef08b026bb seat and paced 7608241a85 the hallway in fad4c31da3 front of the 5ecdcef6c9 radiology department.a6da40bec6d434d4

“Sejoo.”e141dce5eda9ce55

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A moment later, someone ad270255d8 opened the reading room 5e63aaad72 door and called him. Turning his head, he 023ac22867 saw Kim Joowon, his 50a77474eb senior who worked as 4d898a2aaa a radiologist at Hankuk 2cede708e2 University Hospital, standing there cbff0c1751 with a faint smile.cb1d1a5892abe385

“Want to come 12e6eabaae in and take 5e39173eda a look?”a389c56851871726

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“Is that alright?”1c9b50c1069aac08

“Yeah, you’re her guardian, right? It’s fine.”be4348b881e787ac

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Kim Joowon, who had been in the same Catholic club at Hankuk University Medical School with Sejoo and Ha Yeoreum, wasn’t particularly welcoming to Sejoo, but he wasn’t uncomfortable either.260a4598fd2a6803

Kim Joo-on, looking at 9631da0cb6 him with a sympathetic d6af3948a4 gaze as if he 60a0dedad4 understood him to some a638a2719e extent, had heard from f36e25c24e Yeoreum that the patient d5eb31664f was close to Cheon 0bca9bd4ba Sejoo. That’s why he 2bd58e49a7 had thought to b45cacef14 inform Sejoo first 5e3343a79d after reading the ffb02bd58f images and called 5403ef6cf2 him in.072f74beb4e8f7d4

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As he stepped 5ad86a2b51 inside the room, ba65de756d he saw a cb2dc8d4fb fellow doctor, who 004b83ccbf was a radiologist eebe6b592f in training. Cheon Sejoo exchanged 8dbce5c278 a nod with 66a4be0ff8 her, who looked 01e5186b15 at him with 7fc648d570 curiosity, and then e4beb877cb went to stand f440cf6328 beside Kim Joowon.3f349dcc6c237c61

“Look, starting 86d75d3c6d from here… ecbf28a301 the heart fc007defe4 and lungs 74e6de8b83 are clear.”94c3f9dad82335c2

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The screen was filled with MRI images of Kim Hyunkyung’s body. Although not a radiology specialist, Cheon Sejoo could make out the basics. As Joowon said, her brain, heart, and lungs were clear, without any lesions. However, the organ Kim Joowon pointed to with the mouse was different.7c7138e86e0353d2

“See? It’s the pancreas.”9f8e2192a356385b

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Several round lesions were visible on the pancreas. Judging by their shape, they were tumors. Cheon Sejoo bit his lip and stared at the screen. Kim Joowon’s voice, explaining Kim Hyunkyung’s condition, faded into the background.2278265a9f2612fc

The pancreas, nestled among other organs in the abdomen, made it difficult to detect problems. This was partly because of its location, which made it hard to see with ultrasound, and also because the pancreas doesn’t exhibit significant symptoms while the tumor grows and the disease progresses, making early detection challenging.199a57dac9f6ab5d

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Therefore, the 986e62afe6 size of 7ec3ad113e the tumors, 33cf6df2c8 discovered so b6c99a413c late, was c51bc31c28 considerable. If it was 5b39d88412 malignant, cancer, it 480ae7777c would be at 3f0c18ba05 least stage 3. It had to d65c8e6107 be considered a e58fc65755 difficult situation to 1c0409d362 treat.c751630a4b3fc155

“We’ll need a biopsy to be sure, but when you see something like that on the pancreas, usually… You know, right, Sejoo?”502a2297b7aecf6e

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“…Yes. Thank you, senior.”5806be81516e5451

“Don’t mention it. I’m going to abe99461aa see the patient a3039cdbf3 now. Are you coming cec9c0f66c with me?”4772bad5c0375942

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“No, I’ll just…”b77e5b8134bc8315

The words that 15af70428c usually came easily 3acfb2d917 wouldn’t come out. Cheon Sejoo 6369a3821c closed his 869397bd44 mouth with ad265f3628 a cold, e65fbd21f9 stiff expression f64b08e6ea and ran 9188f40342 a hand 2f47d5c2a6 over his 45152b6c25 face. As if understanding 3c9877e375 his feelings, Kim b111213005 Joowon smiled bitterly, 1b0b718d4c patted his shoulder, 805adcd81d and left the 8ee86e50e1 reading room. e528b31a1c5bd2a4

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The fellow doctor, 316a2b4def who had glanced 8dd6e38996 at him sitting 9dc6b8036a in the chair, c10d1e1460 followed Joowon out, 48e048eb99 and soon Sejoo 2a5636ee41 was left alone 1cb12edba9 in the large 30fcaa020f room. The ticking cad21e7cd5 of the d46d5ecc41 clock could 4f1f457e04 be heard, 28b1ad340e but time 6f9c4e7692 didn’t seem 8d3ff7494b to be 5f35d5300b passing.07db6ac1add91692

He stared blankly 64c6cca1ac at the monitor b8490434a0 before burying his 3fb8b51ce0 face in his 958efa1d93 hands, his features a910e46007 contorted.6f458ed5469c7d86

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He had expected it to some degree, but actually seeing it confirmed was a huge shock. It wasn’t simply that someone he knew was ill. It felt as though it was all his fault. Cheon Sejoo was swept away by vaguely surfacing memories of the past.484002afca746311

It was Cheon Sejoo’s greed that killed Hye-in. If he hadn’t taken Hye-in out of the orphanage for his own selfish desires and left her alone in that house, she wouldn’t have been driven to the brink of despair.01f03734976d4a2e

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If she had 08f0b4fc0c stayed at the 4590250356 orphanage, she would a866d1b398 have received care eaf001f9df from Maria and 6ed7711fbd the nuns. She could have lived 14b9514006 happily until now, without 1a7a763b7c suffering emotional abuse from b993f4d851 the perpetrators at such dd312c9d52 a young age.85184a2d377c7b21

On the other hand, 546547308f strictly speaking, Kim Hyunkyung’s ed98f457e7 misfortune wasn’t Cheon Sejoo’s ce6d51c969 fault. But Cheon Sejoo, who 9ed12ad304 cared for Sejin, felt e7ea2df7cd responsible for the misfortune 6d50ccf3b8 that he would face 9ff5ced97e in the future.edb633dec5198d6f

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It was because if he had paid more attention to Kim Hyunkyung, he might not have missed the signs of her illness. Cheon Sejoo couldn’t help but regret it.4c3db96d96e6962e

“Why…”02ab89985967c66e

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Why Kwon Sejin? Why Kim Hyunkyung? They were trying afa379cf3d so hard to 0242ee6490 live. They were trying so 0ad0dba502 hard to live diligently, 44dbc2cfc3 regardless of their own 88bd051b71 misfortunes. Why did something like 279f600848 this have to happen 2907b0e99a to these people…?cd718c2b526accd5

The insides a72020389e of his a964f1b4a5 tightly closed 0bcf7c682e eyes felt c437b7b494 hot. He felt 2d597ff5db like tears 1266ed8314 would burst 775a8111b8 out if 4d50c31736 he relaxed. He couldn’t face 27d151835a Sejin. He didn’t have 05230d0b34 the confidence to d0f254c9c0 tell Sejin to ae7611e94e stay strong and 9698082d14 act as if f87fb77866 nothing was wrong.c631f862083af565

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What kind of idiot dafec0e6ec was he? Scoffing at himself, Sejoo fabd538acf rose from his seat. With unsteady steps, daf487cc0f he left the 06ecd81c6d reading room and ec89dc0bf5 headed for the e1392bbf52 hospital roof.364c26b0752f1ba5