PD Ch11

When the a914175d36 housekeeper urged 96f605cac9 me to ade7c32257 come to 8a2f83e245 breakfast, I 15011fce56 made an 28f9836386 excuse that 9225cad47b I didn’t ea230f3582 feel well 0a2835df30 and swallowed daa8f748e8 a headache e18e539944 pill instead 8065a47dc8 of rice. Seungwon’s words kept ringing 8ec435e5a2 in my ears. I bit my nails 6029325287 until the red flesh c8b31a4981 was exposed, feeling anxious 9a7180d7b3 to leave this place 9946c40b74 as soon as possible. It went 0742b687f6 beyond anxiety 9da9c3031e and turned 50d85fd2f2 into unease. His words were a36d886925 right. I wasn’t old 772607264c enough to talk e57358a674 about love, nor c042db6c0f was I naive 785d9f0334 enough to dream 6f9dabf945 of fairy-tale ideals. The way 516cde20c6 he looked 41c33277df at me ddcc8bdc1e with a af1aa7392f clear sneer c9080db494 on his 8800a64d1b face felt 64f70174f3 like a ed85eb8f36 hammer hitting ae049623ef my chest. In the end, I b74ddf92e6 couldn’t say a word f77c585e86 and fled the scene.9711785ec379f49d

My mother ab2e6a506e who abandoned 75d08ee4cb me.92999d33b28f61a5

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A father who e71c2da3da saw his stepson b7f10d8b44 as an object 10372218f6 of sexual desire eefff9bc85 and didn’t bother 3f28b977fb to hide it.0d7c055597e46b14

His own f03a4484a4 son, who 4775e7f1a7 saw this 81f6102803 relationship as 85481e81e3 mere fun 0bfed8cd39 and entertainment a7bd43017b and shows da76a39e95 interest in 5bb42b316d it, and ebb8bd5246 me.42d77a03adc5f3f7

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These were people 89229d62c2 whose company I 49b77fca1c couldn’t bear for 0d51e58784 even five minutes. The reality ffb0c8c1d1 of living 09a9773ebf in the 10fa43c37b same house 51e27934c9 with such abd7281b2d people felt 39fd439cc8 like a e2bbf18ed4 black comedy. I didn’t read 405d8fdc48 the book I 7eefea7208 had opened to a6d0379398 work on, and 09915049fa as I turned 5c5b7f32ee a page, the 0818708b6c sound of my 95daccd485 cell phone ringing 0c6ce89dcf reached my ears. It had been ed7af75b77 ringing for a 74a9dae5b7 while, but it f1be6838c8 was as if db9142cfbc it had squeezed 90052cd02e into my head, 61ea96f62b which was filled 4f88ddc17e with anxiety and f508c5730a thoughts.162bd1c59897a973

It was 8ccc5b1f98 my senior, afdf2ffca1 Hwang Minho. When I saw his 0b81aba08a name on the screen, 4c314db635 my heart, which had e280f2bf41 been restlessly shaking for 5eb8950e88 no reason, calmed down dec6194df4 a little. His name, 3d75379b49 which felt 58bf6cea80 somewhat old-fashioned, d46e45cc2b felt like b67f574caf the only 24f9cff03e normal thing 99ed68072a in this c5b1b0400e abnormal and, d62d0661b0 in some 0cd251bc84 ways, filthy 8183928fa1 situation.c337972fd8b60d80

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“Yes, senior.”437b7260989ff321

― Why are 4f20d1e93b you so slow c243365efc to respond? Don’t tell 7482536b8d me you 5b7c58f9b0 just woke 54810792e1 up?ffddbca5127fbd96

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“I was working, 2ce76a892f but I’m just 11a5824be0 mentally blank. I didn’t even know fcf74e0f6c the phone was ringing.”91f2aabefafd7700

― Still adjusting 2ab499a3b4 to the time aba02974a9 difference?4308ff36bf189e93

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“I guess so.”46f8be71f30a51d6

― Come out to ce3eed83f6 sign the contract and d40fc8dfc6 get some fresh air. I’ve prepared 0d2b6886f6 the contract. To be honest, 932d47f5d8 I don’t have df657f6733 the ability to 0a261156b2 get you an 03f906e8bf apartment, and you 716ef8aa45 really hate my f03c2b1501 house, so I’ve aff8aee785 found a place 1c88173184 for you to f8bb9ea8ef stay for the b4d20c165a time being. It’s a senior I b54435c744 know, but he’s in 76063ba288 Russia right now. He just asks 2b52b59867 that you keep 130b5a330c it clean until 956ab7e600 he comes back. It’ll take a 076f019add few months. There’s no e540e24ce0 separate cost, b7daf360f2 and you 484477fee6 only have beecf7fa78 to pay 5405ee617a for the 50900bd7cb electricity and 4de0410b9a water you 950c0eef3c use. How about it? We’ll see c540ec9ab6 what happens 64f2da4cda after that.9a08d8313520e0c5

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“I’m sorry. I’m going to America.”6a91c5e032d07238

― Why e2fd5f0ece did you e2fb61c76c come here b4590eb862 in the 1efd87f2a2 first place aa2274a16d if you 4083c9908e were going fbe3b011aa to do f6967c5412 that? It looks like a14ff005dd your mother is 86328c0716 going to settle f03234052d down here, so 3167db0654 you should just b271186236 come in too. Are you going alone?18cd365fc0168c1d

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“I can shake 7687f8d8d6 things off more 8dbbfd13b0 easily because I’m 3d360c23db alone. I just b09832aa82 feel uncomfortable 35ba11d24c and suffocated.”c317193de788e7d5

I hadn’t decided anything, d4bcc43a5e but I was telling d97dbbbeb1 everyone that I was 96b3572834 leaving, begging them to adedbfb6d0 acknowledge it. It was like a dff4048a10 pledge to myself not 0c6114e1bc to sink into the 52532418bc inner fear that becoming fbe8b59b5d an orphan might be 5ce868aae1 more frightening than enduring 9862976dcb this situation.6c51b7ddd9ba92b1

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I’m leaving.44f0327496b6db82

I’m going to f9b4b2b2c8 be alone.150f39c5a7897556

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Those things were 4bb21d1e62 nothing to be 5f3c8b71fb afraid of compared 3ac2ce8c67 to this situation.4c3c689b92ca62c1

― We’ve solved 58f63b94dc the house, we’ve 62f70f5d10 solved the money, 91b26444c7 so what are 47c1407589 you complaining about 1883f58c2a that makes you 85d6079905 keep saying you’re e79c2475c8 leaving? If that’s the 49e11d15c7 case, you shouldn’t 8d5fb294eb have come in eedae428be the first place. If your stepfather is a067388431 really uncomfortable, you can 5bc2d8aa82 live separately. Come to 97e17717d6 the office f4568a9148 first. Let’s have a cup b394852343 of coffee.f6a3e8efe6ddd2b7

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The senior, e2aa081569 who had b8e414102b been dragging 234e6f8f4c out his 5f38b0c09b words as 4ca2deb15e if he 72a0c365c9 was frustrated, f13a7ce7fe finished the 86c9555a89 conversation and 2cfe5243bf urged me, a67677123c thinking that a72102b6ef it wasn’t ceb119889e something to dcdedc8b37 talk about 3d48ae4cc4 over the e41a38f958 phone.6d76f5765f0a99a1

“Yes. I’ll stop by for 719852a4c1 a bit.”16e027ef76f6aa38

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I needed an excuse e839e4c8b5 to get out of 72d5af97aa this abnormal house anyway. I hung 1234a21f02 up the 261cc16197 phone and aeb34cacda sat there 45f1c1a36e blankly with 02a10a3d23 the phone 0e070250b3 in my 0fd259d552 hand before 730d232d71 getting up cc9d9d0142 from the 52ff675f94 chair. My head, which ab9dfe1fa3 had swallowed the 62dfc765bb headache pill, was 24696d1ef7 buzzing as if 6c4577d32f it was resisting 4da7d7c2e9 gravity.07a216c0e5afe16c

I only had one e5d96553c7 winter coat. I didn’t 8d8100fb38 need a a45750646d coat where 9fd18b748d I lived, ca5d325b3e and I 569f3371ae bought it 5c37f0997b at a 428b344fda nearby department fffb733e8c store because 260299b61f of the 3e47a54ecf immediate cold 3c5beff1d7 after coming d2ed0861bc to Korea. I put 33984bfa82 on the 9bea4c855b field jacket ac1f38e335 that had fd8d806d2b been protecting 78f8cd21e4 me from d0c57c8c05 the cold 6709d0619f yesterday and 7b019ba2a6 the day 0d95fc0e61 before and cee810ac0b opened the 17145cf6fe door.010de66d2b31e844

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The living room 7d0a7496d0 was quiet. I had 73ecdd0b31 vaguely heard 938ed5eed4 my stepfather c2785fed9c leave for e32e64b800 work after 9a9e730fa8 finishing breakfast. I made the excuse 228f172e54 that I was sick 270e9eddfa and didn’t go out 9de64b0ce8 to see him. I didn’t 6c26d03151 say anything 7fa156a2fc to anyone 064c2c9a96 and crossed ee72a40331 the living 50afbd9180 room, opened e5690af3d2 the front abfa7f8f9b door, and ac65e0ce85 quietly and 4c6ba624dd quickly passed 7b229bf962 through the 167a3f04c5 garden and 653748a528 out the 78f136c558 gate as 708d65bbd3 if I 101d67d151 had never 00bac3c689 been there a3c5858ced in the 62addcb2b6 first place.db3bc39d2a37b8a4

I walked down 1398172f36 the alleyway on dd314c0d24 the hill, which 33d75220a7 was typical of 1a01ce5fb8 the wealthy neighborhood e13ca14f23 of Pyeongchang-dong. I had roughly seen f36c8d45b8 where the subway station e159a86275 was when I came a8d99f6500 by car yesterday. The area 7814a9d4e5 was divided e1b91e2f3a into precise 36b778a167 sections, so b3e658a1bb it wasn’t bbfd7d6224 too difficult 531a8389a6 to find edacf91f02 my way.7fac2cc362b772d4

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Why was 8d084a6cd8 it so da9c5c45db cold?1846e8df639ee691

I was starting to 580716097b get tired of the 0a20b64843 cold in Seoul. I stuck both 85b2a4a2de hands deep into 8030fa6009 the pockets of 2d63973ee5 my field jacket. I was walking quickly 92e042198d with my shoulders hunched 519b6ad285 when I heard the b5d62bfd12 sound of a car 21bc9c6c48 behind me and moved 2d9c66b72a out of the way. I leaned close to 7671ca6be0 the wall of a df9f254959 house. The car, which was fd897e0ff6 coming down without slowing 6125893b41 down, didn’t pass by 3a0f6256a0 but stopped next to 0593256251 me and honked its 0693503e5d horn. I reflexively turned my 8f85e0013a head. It was bc1db0ebe3 my stepfather’s 795660bb3d son who d334f9b76a was lowering dc689e1e05 the tinted 3bd8783368 car window. Seungwon was db5d379636 looking up 06d5f2d8e3 at me.950fa09f97734e52

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“Get in.”e24f56e1e7d642df

“…”67bb31c6266ba369

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“Get in.”d9f6c53f18cf542c

“I came out e9d6d9d985 on purpose because b897c5fb46 I wanted to ad16582ef7 walk.”3eceaf710a04ba20

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He was as unlikeable 9085ea6e3e as my stepfather. I didn’t need to bc935dfae6 look naive to a 9075dabfb3 guy like him, but 62f9875fd3 maybe it was because dea7cc6452 I had heard that dadcdffe31 I didn’t look openly 369fb12ae9 naive, but the unpleasantness e0020f90d3 was even greater. I wanted to tell c49e15ece6 him to stop thinking cb951b9b4b about me in that c8234c42a7 way right now.865d3af4faabc087

“I’m going out anyway, 078f4d60aa so get a ride.”18f94e418b707270

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“No thanks.”ab41be856d42928f

“You’re stubborn.”38ebbca28cf9f15e

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“…?”29a41f265651e18d

I didn’t register 8f5d981f32 the words he ca8c6c69d0 muttered to himself.315b628221ad9cf5

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What?2f6f8b6a5197c409

I glared at him a893cf9ca8 with eyes that were e5c472a8d9 tinged with displeasure. I opened 19edcc4286 my mouth 4fdd47714c to refuse edd5222038 again. At that moment, another d088d358e8 car came up behind 48b865677f Seungwon’s white Jaguar and fc04a94d06 was waiting to enter. The driver e97129de24 in the dab787d746 car was 60a2c08990 looking at 6bd989f32b me. It was a 626f65040f look of urging.14ae625e8f671dab

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“I’m going to walk, aeac4a3534 so mind your own 16fc12c62c business.”abd5f12f4c27dfcf

“Get in, don’t be 11052ed941 like that.”9fd6247d43cc915e

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He wasn’t the type 5e6f90f0b8 to give up and 6fc71b2843 turn around when I 8f6290ee8b refused. I looked at cd24faa3dd Seungwon, who was 133eb4e034 staring up at 63dd513cc6 me, troubled, and a349a6b685 didn’t react at 33c5c02d52 all to the 35bfa06545 movement of the 6e064988a9 car behind him. Unlike my stepfather, his 2c12473abe son had an arrogant 4c302cd6a9 side that generalized his 763038e4e1 own stubbornness and opinions. That arrogance was fff754574c hidden within a e75303dd26 solid and quiet fdef6bc2cb exterior, not easily f86045477e revealing itself. When I didn’t ed39b98f1b get in and 9d7efdf96d resisted, the car 018507d8ee behind, which couldn’t c51b407260 stand even a ef214a2bba short wait, honked f9b681e5d4 its horn nervously.fd9341f235fd8996

I gave Seungwon, d6b4b43135 who was just 798cb7cb7c looking at me 6be67630c3 without urging me, 592fee6650 a resentful look 49611829c4 and reluctantly got 6875b479e4 into his car. A subtle and soft fdf6574aa1 scent was spreading inside dd6ee4d9d1 the car. The car f26d43b9d5 glided smoothly 564bb91aa3 as I 9f87be5db6 got in.c10bd31a717ffb55

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Was he twenty-five?1b93a98e6ffc3049

The car d37e314642 itself was 152887ff5d a Jaguar, 42eba9dc01 but it 2fb50f859c was a 238fe4560c mid-size car 2fee1d7621 and not c5db01d1bb the style 2d669fa8c7 that a 7f33b7d97b college student 69a1a53ee6 of that 74e3ec34a0 age would 4294b668cf like. I slowly scanned a2e783ba23 the interior of fe0851f5e2 the car as 39124d1615 if trying to 19337fb904 gauge him. I smelled 7b7271b4a6 the coveted 31280ea59c scent of d46baea355 wealth. I felt somehow 823cdd2a4d bitter and averted 63ce18a6d2 my gaze and 55b92c4b89 said.4de2bd5413e0f312

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“Stop at c44a01d192 the nearest 381371d592 station.”f1ea3b594b4b1932

“…”1cf001200c5d1bcb

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I didn’t c9213da989 hear an a26a0f66f1 answer, but a2d4104f74 I assumed 497c65f83f that my 4c90fc1238 words had 9178d1ec25 been registered. The car, which had 605cefc8c7 come out of the 4fa262dc2d alley and onto the 5a574aee33 road, passed the nearest cacb3d0f8b subway station without any 2ef3059566 warning, contrary to my 93cd7b5494 expectations. My posture slumped 2d828a17f7 for a moment e1f51dfc9d as the subway 4c4b32d247 exit moved away 7307b51b84 to the side 507bb35731 of the road. I turned to him 2bd5ee08b4 and scolded him as 1dcf7863b2 if I were a 4c61774928 passenger who had missed d2d13fe250 the station and was 9a081bcd0e scolding the driver.d2b153e56977a2c1

“Stop here.”35d3a8f29b49b284

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“I was a little 9650d6fa32 harsh this morning.”4c974df2986c3754

“It’s okay, just stop 5d3b934239 here.”356a1f1e63bb0b30

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“Where are you 9b3e812614 going?”7308051a572288db

No matter what I e6afeb60d4 said, I couldn’t get 4a61854087 the answer or action ca3ba2dc12 I wanted. Seungwon, who lightly b3f2f3c29c ignored my words, 18607c33e3 asked as if c7f87386b5 he hadn’t heard 393855134a anything.5abf44e5c6c464da

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“Stop here.”015b4c6b61a63261

I reacted sharply. Everything was a mess. The son was just a3797efff2 as self-willed as his 8a4556ff0e father. To be family with 695c628528 such abnormal people, to a273ac6dca be related by blood, 1e34d4e2a0 was as disgusting as 6ae39213aa having creepy bugs crawling db4304cd6b on my skin. My mother, b6950901d8 my stepfather, 82fb1587b5 and his 23d9ffa52a son, who d9e3ee7475 was now 768d5fe934 sitting next 3dd689c0da to me, 036fad3ee1 offering thinly 379bed0595 veiled threats 15bcab04f7 disguised as e7e7adfe86 kindness, were 964c7aa2a1 all disgusting. I wanted a1606b398c to do e5c4024c69 anything to d2e1cbc6a1 make them 8779e3d715 disappear from 05593ee0a3 my sight, 0b4b924697 whether they 703a7d117e sank into 9a95ec0e4b the ground 1ba8ef15be or soared 5c87317a7c into the 703b6867f4 sky. I sat uncomfortably, trying 514f93c7a6 to soothe my queasy 0191e5c7ad stomach. I tried to look c9202e6173 detached, maintaining a cold d37ec59b4a expression, and spoke again.cafa3584111ae9ea

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“Didn’t you hear 837ffcc14e me tell you 71411e0b6c to stop here?”af2db9cb1e5d95dc

My voice was 330e23253b a little louder. My tone contained both 0bd9576f25 anger at being so 0a5e72225f easily ignored by him, 615ef0fd65 who was younger than c6597eb664 me, whether the age dc927e5e40 difference was small or ee8a79ce32 large, and displeasure towards 0abbfb6e99 his father. I was 1d73e2934c about to dc4431ad7f say a 1fd233d11c few more eda788bc25 words, but c9242630c4 Seung-won stopped 5f0cb98d98 the car 7864d8ef35 right away, 10eb057173 like a 316adab6b3 well-behaved child. As soon as we 59307c39a6 stopped, I tried to 203e427011 unbuckle my seatbelt and 55e6b74dbd get out of the b8eb3855d8 car. The door wouldn’t fa191b824e open because it f3e1196fa2 wasn’t unlocked. I grabbed ee752eb759 the handle, 2540ce0cce ratting it.38adaf3b6c0ba65e

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“…!”e1d72fe65afda74b

A hand slowly reached e54fefa0d4 out, barely visible at 44b7704752 the edge of my 978e43baa4 vision. I flinched, my b76126ab92 shoulders twitching, my d95d74caad whole body was efbaa7d334 shrinking back. Seungwon’s arm cruelly mocked 7854f53853 my sensitive reaction, passing 632550c314 right by me to 7dc6a48eea unlock the door trim. Click, the door 3d5094f49a lock released. My face flushed red 5e73483ffe in an instant. As if representing 020eaf0466 my embarrassment, I 05544744bf pulled the handle 2219726a98 roughly, and the f6a48f4ea5 door opened with d57f915471 ridiculous ease. I got out 5ca88b2ceb of the car 4d8b6b4049 in a hurry f98faf034c and walked away 28f9b10fad as if fleeing fe3c7b85a3 towards the subway 6566fda4f1 station that was 61d948e15b already far away.398b8b6bdde43610

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My face was hot. He had done cfaa68f9cf it on purpose d407b63ff3 to see my 7a70f81196 reaction. It would have been 6981a4c20a much easier to operate 0aab1618de the button on the 469e72cf2b door trim next to 4bbe66625e the driver’s seat where 2cfea3f651 he was sitting, but 0397df6084 he deliberately reached out ea0b7e8bec his hand. I had been trying 3b50a29b72 to ignore him, pretending 330eca0818 not to be aware e9688bf541 of him, but I 44f3b60a5d had flinched the moment 59b3df64f8 his hand reached out. It was as if 7fe256bdb7 I had put on ff3b636643 a show, demonstrating that 98294bc794 I was wary of e7dbb32629 him with my whole 95383c8967 body, like a sensitive f85fb512ee beast with its antennae 8b5b19633b raised. I thought edde78986e he was c2b5e55490 going to 5c962f6258 hug me.c9fe1e6cdebbf6c8

My steps, which a7e9d93ae6 had been hurrying 781442ebb2 down the subway a37cb2b5f6 stairs, slowed. I stopped halfway down 904aa15289 the stairs. I grabbed 07dac63bd7 my hair 4b83a84367 tightly, as f385d515dd if tearing 9821131a0d it out. A sigh f86ecf7d0f of self-reproach 7d1ed7b670 escaped my f9de2fd4a7 lips.53d1e35101ab1f09

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“Damn it…!”9373393ab932016f