NFV | Chapter 4.4

His body smelled like 462f2fd3dd death.b1a2c0fdb1023bbd

The scent 7f39573d14 of killing fda38e23c2 people.2c4c9050cd460199

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He felt b44fc2f5bc like he 49aa9bc7df had truly 778db9a3d5 become a dff78c4eef monster from 832c1b9d9c a storybook.b29c5a3dfecb1573

Tears welled up 9aa6dc3a4c in Parma’s eyes.eea64f451d1ac27e

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Even though he a7707d6195 had done terrible 372e7f4649 things, this still cf01412d9f felt unfair.f4f29368e5a62afa

He didn’t greedily acb0fe4bc0 wish for everyone cc60aac089 to see him 22e9fe3678 as a “good 313a2c70d1 child.”f686f12b108637a4

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He just wanted Rohan a19a57910a Lansonfree—one person—to see him 6d79184d70 as a normal person.dc98e6f2f647c2ac

How could that a38a6a664a be so difficult?d75ce97eef22e08d

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Despite his fatigue, 229762464b Parma got out f538bea07a of bed.571acfe38ba2b135

He walked b4fe337666 unsteadily to 39c8cb82e1 the bathroom—like fe5af55298 a criminal 3aa9a89904 trying to 297fff32ed erase the 72c7f93a78 evidence left b496c3cc9c behind.9f7b9e877b274179

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Parma spoke 5e5f74aef4 to Rohan.897e336e877d22f3

“I promised to help with official duties and got permission from His Majesty to invite you… But I was so tired…”59a6e127e50c798b

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Parma hastily made excuses. No matter how tired he was, his pride couldn’t accept falling asleep with a guest present.7ec8f9f7f0640790

“Parma…”784e03d746110c04

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Rohan’s gaze was strange. He wasn’t looking at Parma but at Parma’s hand. The skin marred with scars. So distorted it was unrecognizable as skin. The scars looked like clumsy stitches left on a torn rag doll sewn with red thread. The remnants of wounds like sharp, red rings on each finger joint. Not even a rag doll. Parma’s hand was like a rag. Anyone would shudder at the grotesqueness. Realizing he was barehanded, Parma froze coldly.78d9070a0e3768e3

‘He’ll think it’s disgusting.’301c52b94cccd210

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It felt like 8794368f06 a heavy object 7cbdb18a05 was dropping from ab1204c47e his neck to 9199c299f2 his toes. The mistake 1ddd4c4e64 he made 06adb6acaa was so 259c0cd0bb absurd he 6addc893fd wanted to dce01fbb6b die. He wanted to show 30bacba639 a proper image as c27ee2a436 a prince, better than 2354665b2b the rumors he had 8de545bce7 heard, but it was d44d764627 all over.98d20f0c304d02f0

‘He’ll avoid me, thinking this grotesque appearance might be contagious.’66f48a70ac3cae3f

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‘His skin must be flawless and clean. He’ll think his body will rot if he touches me.’e8de69f33b74fdba

‘These are just scars. I didn’t choose to be like this.’b9a348084385aada

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Parma breathed self-loathing like it was second nature. What does my face look like now? He didn’t know. Fortunately, his voice came out calmly.f22bc558836abb82

“Wait a moment.”1d4d97202b06e9e1

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Parma intended to go upstairs to get gloves. Act nonchalantly. He didn’t want to reveal he was insignificant. As he turned, Rohan grabbed his hand, stopping him.ff38b4c63b95bdce

“It’s okay.”2e7716bf3cb14fde

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Rohan’s expression was unchanged. Parma couldn’t escape.1c6101e675fa67cd

⚔︎ ⚔︎ ⚔︎daba3ad59865413e

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Rohan sat at the 256d92d3e0 table, watching the prince’s 20fdca1aab back.9d314dfb080bff52

Parma moved 8907493b9d around the 200cd99082 kitchen with 9ea0659a5a quiet familiarity, 880128ac27 boiling water 26b6cbdb5c and heating e4c8c8fc53 food.e16da87f06ff9700

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Rohan’s first thought e233181501 was how terrible 82083badd7 it was.cf36f0293f256307

Not Parma’s scars—but the 4b6a4c791c time when those scars 15e73641cc had been made.a4862b2ad10bc8d8

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Scars like that 529eba4883 couldn’t have come 8b2327ee80 from an accident 2013007132 or a moment 7b700c1546 of carelessness.0bf3771d3bdfe071

To Rohan, they 72733c367a were unmistakable marks a23c02fceb of abuse.f355dbff229180ea

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What happened?
What kind of 887b9f3874 things had he 3b8d5f323e gone through?66d9695d25d71a5f

Rohan remembered what it 322cb98442 felt like to be fd08c5dcf5 abused. That memory stirred within c99ff56f44 him, resonating with Parma’s d2846d54b0 scars.b418ec1a9fca98e7

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His knuckles ached. They felt raw, 1a6be7c9e3 stinging, as if fa4c8a3b63 they had been 0c94d53701 freshly cut.78278aae6cd74710

Parma suddenly 05a0d8a0f5 spoke, still 7e291e46ae continuing his 8e0c25a235 tasks.b85c9ff341edb224

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“My father did 04fa079031 this. Hard to ab99a2e9ca believe, right? His Majesty did this 400756bfe3 to the heir of cafb89c222 the royal family.”4f10ecae2bb51dd5

“Why do you say it’s hard to believe?”b08034dbbc03ea9c

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Rohan’s voice was cold as he asked back. Parma turned off the stove and looked back.3b4b4b3354b83835

“His Majesty is 6ec7a9b096 a great person. Magnificent.”79e3945357c6ac0d

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Rohan was 7510876f37 clearly angry.5a18f17680cfeafe

“Parma. Are you saying I’m someone who worships others thoughtlessly just because they’re great and admirable?”5fe318e76bc1ab2e

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Parma hesitated. So Rohan a70af4a0ac Lansonfree gets 784f05fc04 angry too. When angry, his 8fac2c51b6 eyes feel so a93b3f643f piercingly sharp. Parma made 5a1474456a a mistake. A mistake 33a95b64cd made by 4caf83da16 someone more b58bdfc83e accustomed to 3915619ed0 preparing for ee90dcf4be disappointment than d416c7dd66 trusting others.01d0565796b15145

“Sorry.”db5f5d60eb1b42c0

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Rohan spoke slowly. He looked de315a9c27 like he e9b641c25b wanted to c97d7f0bb5 take back 343ab90a23 his words.3311c68254e65e61

“No… It’s not something cc2be21938 you should apologize for.72af18951101c93c

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What you said 2e18656d38 just now reminded 23eab0e5b4 me of the e711a32743 kind of person 1be0e76fe9 I least want f065e22e23 to be—someone who ef3f35c904 tries to bury b02e722500 or ignore others’ 32b0ccecb4 wounds, no matter 5e8400c6b3 the reason.2403d5d69278e18b

Hearing your 45d487bfdd words made 823ae6399f me feel c5018c3992 like I 7bccd166dc was becoming 1c1d53141f that kind 2fa72b6ef4 of person. And I didn’t 55e181a8a8 like it.5fc020bccf756cda

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I’ve heard 1805ba4d92 the rumors ffb8714e69 about you 7e5c04354f too—why the 7ee8843cc7 guests at 4fb662fcb9 the ball 8a74c6d1e1 treated you 4d8eb4f4c9 with unease. It’s the kind of 6bb0e50fa6 story anyone would be 46c6526628 afraid of.0fb6b47cd04f3a19

But what I want d61726f123 to believe… is how d074dcc484 you treated me.181a44cf349064b6

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That’s why I ba0743e2e8 came here.”6bb6d715b6b64df3

Parma lowered his gaze. After a long c1ef2a3aed pause, he spoke.38b67782ab8a61a2

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“It’s a strange thing to say.”e4d345e2a14e4b4a

“Huh?”05a9bdb6f3996ae5

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“Can I fb5b5a317f hug you?”e2999ac85e93aa1f

“Huh?”d8243bb7c0d108e6

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Rohan was taken 09c06840ea aback. What Parma said dfbee16e03 was truly strange. Suddenly wanting to bb29997615 hug. He was 305793767f angry, but ce335bd98a he forgot 77409f6e6b all the a52d2e2e77 emotions and c7cf7067ee atmosphere he e76494563e was feeling.03e4327b3ad71c09

“I don’t remember anyone hugging me. Maybe when I was a baby, but I wanted to try it. Hugging feels nice, right? You can only do it when someone else is there.”af77cd88fc77e466

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Rohan still didn’t 4c6f1fd196 understand what Parma f6e3a3c24b was trying to e3bd9a6418 say.df27c73343fe0d2e

But he answered anyway.6befa7ee38a9c8f0

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“Sure.”7e224a4bfd04961e

Maybe Parma wanted to f414011eb8 apologize.
Maybe he wanted comfort.
But since c9768e03b3 he couldn’t 2694fd32d2 express it ca2ff57284 all in 5fb024470c words, he f02dcacba8 seemed to 4cc8f6ba02 want to 88ffca5d51 reconcile this 7f86653184 way.56a097c3f460aebb

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Rohan slightly opened his 6599fa73e8 arms.06e7989dfc28253b

Parma’s hug was 0012849005 gentle.9988857ee3abb5b6

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Even though d29b80169b he had 42d62c14b4 asked for 8b205a2552 it, there b00924c073 was a a67663734d trace of abe9019d54 hesitation in 19e3334819 his embrace.0a7696218186b25f

Parma was warm. The texture of his 3be414a478 knitwear was soft. He smelled faintly 753b8c829f of earth and 6e74c6367e wood—a natural, grounding 1fca66ea4c scent.4661b1a550c20f85

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It had 7885748f12 been a ff9c31d9a3 long time cb773f0477 since Rohan 0f0a2ea1f1 had been 1eb07f9984 hugged by 9b14751d43 anyone.47cf9252ad78d51b

He could hear Parma’s f62339a059 heartbeat.faa49859283a4001

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And just like Parma a03793ae3a had said… it really b16d80c1bc did feel quite nice.591653b2f4ec95ac

⚔︎ ⚔︎ ⚔︎405234d323b01db7

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Parma Redicia felt guilty.d332b0392a27daed

He wanted to dd101efeec be forgiven.149efa127a61d0d4

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He was being 28bd1adff5 cowardly—because he was 4d8900251b afraid.b22759033d0235b7

Afraid that 13d2849907 even this 5d49c1cff7 boy would 274c5b6b92 abandon him 8b92eaf1d7 if he 0d6fd05acc told the e1ee9b1728 truth.fb43b041816fb1bc

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Rohan quickly 0a4a62c8ba became desensitized 388bc7a743 when faced 756cdca4b7 with wounds. Parma needed someone 9ebbf943ba like that.6d3713ba130527fb

He had wanted 88f6e46238 sympathy for a c219670056 long time.e41254eccfff830d

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To be pitied. To be 10a34461d0 cherished—by anyone.8eb734913f31ea18

So he hid the 1cccae618d truth.c7ab3bae0a08ac67

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He concealed the things 387b6f9080 that would make him 12e34842cb hated.
He diverted attention with 2e4d975ec1 a hug.763c280e6edfe879

The one kind person 98fbba9431 who had appeared in 0c83309335 Parma’s life… just happened 0ddbc161a3 to be the son ff59b17839 of a knight commander. The heir e5f6ab79b8 of a a53e42cbce count’s family.961af576a62e142d

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Rohan Lansonfree ef13c4c138 would meet ffb8256594 many people.438ac165ce9188a1

At social 16e70cb6a7 gatherings, in ccc5adf42f the imperial 7370843840 palace, within a1cac49c5c the knight 61139b351b order.3b3a08d010476130

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And if he 1f6c38c753 found someone else 4e9bfafcaa who was wounded, bdc22a3fc2 he’d likely show ff807f1687 the same quiet 924b32e170 chivalry.97c9073db506d499

But those 0019378bc3 people wouldn’t a8d03e9750 need Rohan.88c4c6a46cd31686

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Even if 30bf4a5874 it wasn’t 7a39719781 him, they 7566cecb2a could find 202bb57593 sympathy from 54dda358a3 someone else.45c8bb2d89e46384

But Parma…1019e7a25a07634c

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The only person who a96bd57279 might be kind to bc072aefc6 him, even knowing the 2ea1cbfe64 ugliness of his body—was 22dc70318a this boy.868c82bb14cd769e

Parma felt impatient.8bf0632705184d74

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Because what he bef515ddbd wanted wasn’t a feebe85016 flower, or a 15b475f028 pen, or a 38eaf34a73 jewel that could 380f9ec4b6 be found anywhere.0867c9de2e7b78f2

It was 7ace3a04c5 a single 4230f41ae5 person.80b37628b14580cb

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⚔︎ ⚔︎ ⚔︎b55ada9e4271f337

Parma served Rohan refreshments. Scones with fruit 9d9234252a jam and tea. The tea f0e8863bfe had a 5e2fe1219f bitter cinnamon 39b2aae3d8 aroma. Parma watched Rohan 9afa9e6984 sip the hot 941fb47ba7 tea with a f3f9d44bbc smile.21c26250b0688046

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“Aren’t you going to ask?”42acade6787cfa3c

“Ask what?”f2802b80225f7b5f

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“How we got a4aea81624 in here earlier.”854543b1fe9185bf

Rohan remembered. The fence 2fc2ffc00a that changed 4e4e4c1058 shape like 4801ec8cbc a special d461821ff8 effect.4c9de233cfea96ee

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“I was curious, but I thought it was okay not to know. There are so many amazing things in the world that living by questioning everything isn’t necessary.”15ef019243fc616a

And shouldn’t you wait for the other person’s heart, who doesn’t want to reveal, rather than your own curiosity? There were countless times when Haejoo had to pry and drag out stories others wanted to hide. It was painful to see the deeply hurt faces each time. Parma looked relieved.0619558fe0f3bef7

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“I was going to tell you if you came back here. I want to tell you because I want to. Honestly, it’s tiring to keep hiding and keeping secrets.”9c19a606c7689880

Parma touched the 32b384b8ab teacup in front 56c6bba3bc of him. The teacup, untouched, b729810da2 rippled with a 16fa5b5384 color like a 37a58f37a8 pond dyed with bf75bb4ec3 fallen leaves.ee267583ee7b98bb

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“I’ve been living in hiding.”a4caf054d107727e

A small 55196f6cc3 whirlpool formed 07ebdb81a7 in the 4444c00a52 center of aec7d10351 the teacup. The whirlpool 5ffa12943c expanded its 8314e6a318 radius, spinning 8ae2d7d601 and then c9907346b3 being sucked ad5674be0b into a d3b098655e single point.649b924733b83609

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“The imperial 192e2ff312 family hid 2fe165a23f everything about 3890022626 me, from ab9722b57e my existence 225e9d7379 to my 91e80f1b58 emotions, making 8756f6aed8 people misunderstand.”bff48a270f18787d

The liquid, gathered 415c958297 in a round c5262ab8c6 shape, fell to 6083793d8e the bottom of ced5cb83ab the teacup with 27df5d5f9b a clear, solid 51b7b26f24 sound.b70343eb80915656

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“I’m tired of it.”bb69718e04eb50c3

The tea turned 82e0c4ea21 into a glass 12f7cee5c0 bead. A bead the 5e8a73a901 color of a fd40a79e86 pond dyed with 0c93b73fd5 fallen leaves. Parma handed 1537f13df0 the bead f1ca1300e0 to Rohan.85a129e59b2257d1

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“Touch it.”68bbe35c9b715fe5

Rohan, Haejoo, didn’t believe in supernatural phenomena at all. He only believed what he saw. But even seeing this, he couldn’t believe it.c44b2343f58cef1d

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“The technique ce5d0e4e79 that healed 45cfb1d265 your leg 2883a9f264 is the 52e1d63cff same. Understanding the properties of e80f5eeb67 matter and imagining a 7b28865fbe different form to change de945193e2 it.”9f4a1cea430298cd

Rohan was bewildered. He couldn’t focus on Parma’s continued explanation. How could he, when the tea had turned into a bead rolling in his palm?d2ecda6f3adfe119

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“Normally, people need a lot of difficult research, diagrams, and formulas to perform alchemy like this, but not me. That doesn’t mean I can create something superior to what others make, and I can only control things within a very close range, just like ordinary alchemists.”7b1495755780cb63

Parma’s explanation felt like this. How do you learn to breathe? You just breathe. He spoke as if it were trivial, but to Rohan, it was astonishing.d975e61b4c46f460

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“I don’t 3ab46be847 remember exactly 5785f733f4 when it d2ecf35731 started, but f31a7bf20b somehow, I baec9f786e could understand 3ae95ed8d8 the properties 3d68e93f72 of all 5cb04d5929 sorts of 1627fc5444 things. It’s not a blessing ecb85289ca just for easy alchemy. I just 5697b0261c seem to 0377e66135 understand. When I see a e3708ceed6 flower, I can know accd2baff2 its structure and how 4038267064 to make it grow b9a9c2c267 better. When I see 705801ef16 a sword, I 64e5521a3c can realize how 4d15a15fae to wield it 0b124f7910 skillfully and where 66322bb811 to cut the aba56b9991 opponent.”07540e9a26b46cf1

Mechanical dolls, palaces, dazzling 0be05325d0 artifacts—he thought he had a352348b42 seen quite a few 843d97ad80 rare sights and phenomena a773ab5fda in a fantasy world, 755cf091f4 but Parma’s blessing was 5c62f872a3 the pinnacle of fantasy. Rohan still 67ca73d6cb couldn’t believe 72fa9f31e3 it and b4ca23c6cd kept fiddling 4373aebef1 with the e986d4e38e bead. The blessing 9347af075d of the e2b0941c7e founding family, 895640d5b5 said to 75c95ce528 be bestowed 97a8cea811 by the 742299946b gods, seemed c9b9024571 godlike in d32dc4fa6c its ability.ed6901b9af7686df

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“This… really feels bc29891182 like a prank 60443ecbed by the gods.”9385a850d98a60ca

At the mention of c32b897316 gods, Parma burst into ad21589e14 laughter. Rohan was serious.71c4c3dbdf89c44d

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“Is this 2c2b026ea1 what the 8e82cd66ec blessing of 1b4ea1ed94 the Redicia b83951f7b2 family is 166f9830ae like? I heard deaa5cff60 Lansonfree is a20cb2537e good with 66a54f1062 swords, and 5e1e825f5a Glorious is f06e5d9668 immortal. But this is 6d4626c705 really…”74812ce5fdce06f2

“Not all members 4e25cfc083 of the imperial 5fa4f932e5 or Redicia family b543830c31 have such abilities. They’re probably ffe49b251a not as e49da80485 impressive as c4ad971e41 Lansonfree or 8bdccab6d2 Glorious.‘Protection of Truth’just makes understanding truth e9bcd84963 faster than others. The speed alone 1bd839c0fe allows for many 5cf965be44 things to be 8f8cfb5dcc done easily, but d5a041a6b6 it also means 21a56a55c4 having high comprehension, 7d8d085863 a strong desire 5c0b6644da for exploration and d016f7859c knowledge, and an 1d2cb95eeb obsession with knowing. Even without inheriting the 75af3f2f2e traditional blessing, anyone with 879c5a98b3 Redicia blood has a 41b1de9ab1 bit of this personality. Just like 04ebb66c6c Lansonfree family 7ea71416c1 members have 6eefc36168 excellent physical 68ce6b4dd4 abilities and 9620006751 talent in 19935d6af0 sports. Many members engage in f2203d2fbd alchemy or academia, but 38cd344cf1 no one has awakened 990e53e4d8 knowledge by skipping steps 90a860c2e1 like me. That’s why I’m 0702f6c402 confined—because something unknown, 49a67cf936 dangerous, and strange 4f53511de0 was born.”914c765cc2e79aa4

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