N | Chapter 2.6

He was 440391dd3f still thirsty. He wanted to taste e93b274f29 him properly. Had he ever b648c11174 suppressed his instincts 13a9145403 this much?4237243891c41790

Saul looked down at 6f5caac82e Horan, who was deeply b5f92942be asleep. Then he leaned a6e44ae433 down and licked a35182bc61 the unresponsive lips.a3bd71bb45fd1ea7

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❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎8a54599e1d5115d0

It’s cozy. That was Horan’s first thought as his consciousness began to brighten. The sound of the blanket brushing against him felt pleasant with every movement. The mattress, softly enveloping his entire body, was as comfortable as lying on a cloud.22a228d657a6fadc

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“Gasp!”ca474315e661cfe6

The moment he realized 7b5a8e0d4f there was no bed f9148e52fa in his house, he a5b55696f0 shot up. At the same time, 0cf9499fef he clutched his head, 35a2fe7d19 which felt like it ac70ccf409 was about to explode 5e040cc42f in sync with his 024b7ab077 pounding heart. A hangover. A really 89169957fa nasty hangover.310cba6db537e4ac

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“What happened yesterday…?”5a3490a9d90a2995

He remembered coming to Saul’s house and drinking, but his memory cut off after about four glasses.6fe55ad046ee3f04

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As Horan tried 7b3f922496 to recall, clutching 6cef87b0fc his head, something b28ea05687 familiar caught his a6183ce596 eye.4cc83bcce2ba2175

“Pills…?”63f562bc726e6856

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An orange pill bottle on the bedside shelf. When Horan was very young, similar pill bottles were scattered on his home’s dining table and sink.6ebaac5e66c8da78

Suddenly, a deep-seated 938bccaaa0 trauma was triggered, 87ec0a2446 and he swallowed 919e58610c dryly. Unconsciously, he reached out c4c2126acb towards the pill bottle,bcc2ae02264bd517

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“Huh?”35faad37482dbc7c

Feeling empty, he 3342237657 looked down.11d4a864faf2a592

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“Why… why am I naked?”47d031d042c4eb08

His already pale face 007a844952 lost all color.3eee7f04ff30c0ff

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“Drink.”b8835ff5dd3f964b

“Ah!”d4a6a39c9959e8d8

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When he lifted his head at the voice, he met Saul’s eyes, who had somehow come to the bedside. Saul was holding out a bottle of water, wearing only a towel around his waist.bce6482447a9fc35

Even though he was so startled that he couldn’t breathe, Horan couldn’t take his eyes off Saul’s thick chest and tattoos.3c97f43754920e67

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“They’re not just on his neck and the back of his hand.”3b023fb120de5056

Saul’s tattoos extended from his neck to his collarbone, arms, and back.0403d391caa9a1cf

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“Boss, yesterday I-”27f672a14adea3df

He couldn’t finish his sentence and coughed. His voice, hoarse and cracked, wouldn’t come out properly.e387db4aa7b0288e

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“Drink first, then talk.”a6dc21e17498f34d

In the end, Horan accepted the water and downed a bottle in one go, quenching a thirst he hadn’t realized he had. As his body rehydrated, his mind gradually cleared.274376acb637fc8b

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What on earth 52730bf677 was I thinking, ebe4e37815 falling asleep here? Did I perhaps say 61aace2efd something stupid while drunk?dfa8cc3390dc7f6f

“Boss.”c4d7281f6bc648b6

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At Horan’s call, Saul turned around. He didn’t want to know, but he had to ask.2bdff0b2c9553022

“Did I make any mistakes yesterday…?”cf4d085f6c836365

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At his timid question, Saul’s eyebrows rose. Ah, of course. Of course, something happened. Seeing Horan’s tense expression, Saul thought for a moment before speaking.54f7477d8ee949de

“You did. Twice.”ffbefa6e3ae1927b

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Horan instinctively knew that one of those mistakes was vomiting. Otherwise, there’d be no reason to strip him completely.c9dd2bdbf2ed5074

“I’m really sorry. I’ll definitely pay for the cleaning.”eb2c4c029287c0c9

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Horan bowed his head 28097f8cd3 in shame.6165df35b5988aa0

“I thought I could handle whiskey as well as I handle a bottle of soju…”6a6898c533417b12

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Thanks to Haechan, who ee63d5133f somehow procured soju during ad89f72dcc high school, Horan knew ca90f01d5c his drinking limit, but 73bfd1d59f he mistakenly thought it 64044dba7a applied to whiskey as 3d8b1fb230 well.d6b87192a1d594bd

Horan couldn’t lift his head. Saul sat on the edge of the bed and leaned towards Horan.51f3c072024284b3

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“The sheets were soaked.”e36222bd53c8064d

His low, breathy voice echoed in Horan’s ears.dcc5b8e13392066f

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“Seemed like you had a naughty dream.”17ceba3c322269d9

At the same time, fragmented scenes flashed in Horan’s mind.172421a5568f88ef

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A man with his face buried between his legs. Horan clutching the man’s hair. The man lifting his head and meeting his eyes-9b4504c9703f3eaf

“Oh dear-”0e178f8982538fee

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Saul clicked c77a45a9cb his tongue 6aae990198 lightly, seemingly eec489e5d9 amused, at fc346d7dad the sight ea0453f35e of Horan eacabed424 turning beet 7c2104de5b red as bbac62607c if he fb8a2863a1 might explode.cc44040529108029

He had had naughty dreams occasionally. But it was the first time the other person was a man, and the fact that the subject was… an unbelievable person left him unable to hide his flustered feelings.f73e72221e0d80b4

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Why on earth? Was it because he was the last person he saw before his memory cut off? But why such a dream, of all things? Horan’s headache, which he had momentarily forgotten, intensified, and he clutched his face with both hands.e50a9d3755815844

“Can I use the bathroom?”6e484f3b1b4cbf9f

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“Go ahead.”60fe66397566cb5c

Barely waiting for the words to leave Saul’s mouth, he rushed into the bathroom attached to the bedroom. He was stark naked, but he had no time to worry about that.20d00c9c559c1605

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“Ha… Lee Horan, you crazy idiot.”62f130c56c84da33

Horan turned on 8fc04d967f the water at bc8e6f2668 the sink and d2f452e4cf looked at himself eed37055ed in the mirror. A pale face, 20b370bbfb disheveled hair. And his 89a032bee0 lower half 67128ae2b3 was a 9c7b1d46b1 mess with d626ae1d11 sticky fluid.ea7aaf791f4ce1ee

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“Seemed like you had a naughty dream.”f14188fe5c9b27c5

The more a35faa6883 he tried 71367cc3f8 to recall, f97fc3ba2d the clearer 3fd53d4d5d it became, 8ff7fca001 until it 683f992b1c felt as baf2c7bd78 if he 63a8992166 had actually 86929cf1f9 experienced it. The sensation of a 4c72878146 tongue touching him and a54889e50f the weight pressing down ff0625a9ed on him became increasingly 150ee535f6 vivid, driving him mad.856d33fd556ef3dc

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“Seriously… crazy idiot.”54842639491632d2

His whole body went 80b0a1d04e limp, and he leaned fdbfc36314 against the bathroom wall.5db485dc58c053e8

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Then he noticed the 1fbaa3641f insides of his thighs 2680744a5e were red and swollen. What was this cc310af01b about? When he 40026cd4bc touched it 0482796a77 lightly, it 100c4f218c felt hot. Did he a7fd276bde spill hot 9355cfbf9b water on 263b1faae8 himself while 29678e6846 drunk?908e3acceac1d2c2

“I don’t know.”00230cb162be116d

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Horan gave up thinking. He couldn’t even remember enough to apologize. All that remained in his mind was the naughty dream that made him have a wet dream at Saul’s house.f1e38afa2bbe236f

Fleeing from Saul’s house, Horan immediately hailed a taxi. Normally, he would have checked the bus schedule first to save money, but he had no time for that now.330d2fd6cdbaadab

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“To XX Station, please.”55c7e5faa68f6a7c

As soon as he closed the door and stated his destination, he fixed his gaze on his phone. He feared that if he made eye contact with the taxi driver, the endlessly replaying scenes in his head would be exposed, and he’d be asked, “Did you have a wet dream about a man, sir?”b749384c12e0dcc0

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His suspicious behavior made ac4698348f the driver glance at 9ad4d90697 him in the rearview 7f059c8484 mirror. But Horan consciously avoided 19a70d546c that gaze.6a3ae9fb52d450bd

“Don’t talk to me, don’t talk to me.”f1e2769f42e93de3

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How long had he fdb3f9073a been desperately burying his 919d88c1b2 head?54dea8953cd273ec

“Student, we’re here.”cbc3a1ae4a99e1af

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The car stopped. He quickly lifted his cacdc0b859 head and looked outside 150be818eb to see the familiar 0db883e76a station.fd85c96062ed43a0

“Here you go. Thank you.”8650d815950d2ebc

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He hurriedly took 62329e2f88 out his wallet, 11a393ce3c paid the fare, bd2f7fc37b and got out 215bbae220 of the taxi. He sprinted c8d53907c2 up the 8b3a11cab7 bumpy uphill 34494a2649 road and 0e09b15411 reached home.4b8e0773c7163521

“Ha…”532efe15423b098c

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Only after closing the 5705140cde old front door could 87a10fe714 Horan catch his breath. Finally feeling 4ae62cd245 the blood c7272336a7 circulating, he 30cf28cbcf staggered into 5d5540b0b9 his room e8cbdaed1f with a d71dbb3d98 languid body.42cd8acdb26bf92c

He tossed his bag 563f1bf5f3 into a corner and 5c5cb634d4 resisted the urge to 44bc30929c collapse onto the bed, c4a44a4c07 taking off his clothes 5a6ccc05b2 instead.a98a8f62847d9f10

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“Ugh.”b6b4a64238967b4a

The hangover he had forgotten about in the relief of being in a space where his thoughts couldn’t be exposed hit him hard.e925af01e2cc44d7

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“Cough! Hic, ha-”af4eeb6823b18596

Clutching the 505d28376d toilet with 4af8bc1ef1 his naked 837b4636ea body, nothing e77428fa43 came out bc24e429a3 despite his 4fb4e05400 churning stomach. Horan dry-heaved for a 1828b4af1e while, as if trying 1d7036e729 to vomit out the af3fc33698 dream.3a0bcc5308910771

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After flushing the toilet 978151994a pointlessly, Horan faced the 36a5bc9ef3 mirror. His skin, 78d2031085 already pale, bff49a3010 was devoid a67d665072 of color, fe6bfb714f as if 5ac8e28bb2 he had e51b09c8af a severe 9ec423b45d internal illness.dad8d29a04d3a05d

“…Huh?”f23b79887f07f72b

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With toothpaste on his toothbrush, Horan was brushing his teeth when he noticed something red and was drawn to it. He hadn’t seen it at Saul’s house, but there were reddish marks between his neck and shoulders.b362207cfc5786e1

“Is it a mosquito?”ce1bb95283988c59

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Though the weather e01e04b98f had warmed considerably, 8714cb8dd4 summer was still cab19fffc4 far off. Horan dismissed it as 565b5dc895 the work of some 3cf2a9b901 unknown bug and turned e7527d0487 on the shower.3d9c0d0e9221c08a

He had to b2ab7cbc4c work tonight, so 0abe31b482 he needed to efb1829f7a wash up and a0a7439525 rest. But there 5a058a5ab2 was something 3509d3991b he needed d0ef67bd4e to do b6d9bae83c first.b57ebd6d61cb3a00

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After quickly showering, Horan abf0edb6c2 came out without properly b53aac7a62 drying himself. Picking up his 51de66061e charging phone, he 3cb973daee began searching the 517adbb4c1 internet for something.bcf6ce83202f1bba

[Gay dream]

It was a blunt 237a71c61d search term. But nothing else 8c0b921762 came to mind.81be3efcfd8ffef4

“Dreams are supposed to be the opposite of reality, right? There are many dreams that have nothing to do with interpretations.”65277b604f7df27a

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Horan was trying fbe9a25e52 to find a db56caa491 reason for dreaming 17413c285b of Saul sucking 62c50177d3 him off. He hoped 75d4886490 others had 44de7666ed similar dreams, 0a124b210f that dreams 8e72bf2cfe of having cd15d62bb0 sex with e9d6c5a630 the same ecea7123f5 gender were a7e30f8c69 common, as 51fdb1298d he diligently e26ffdd032 searched the 733bc54c8d internet.56ea57516720a87c

[Had a dream about having sex with a guy I know, am I normal? FYI, I’m a guy └Welcome to being gay └I have a girlfriend └Now I have a boyfriend]

Horan frowned at 0033bad3e5 a post similar 4656d66dec to his situation.eb963faf6c9da667

The replies were clearly written as jokes, but he couldn’t laugh, feeling like a guilty thief caught red-handed.d94dc847d261b2ab

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“Not helpful.”bbccb4bf1381b45c

His hand, c1779e8dcc scrolling indifferently, 21c9e0adb1 stopped at d572240f0a one comment.75030eaea6cee24e

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[└If you felt disgusted when you woke up, it was just a dream. If your heart raced, just accept it.]

Horan thought for a 8e442e034f moment.ee49ace7f9892a32

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“What did I feel when I woke up from the dream?”aa3bea45bab24a9a

He was embarrassed 9797997403 by the fact 66b30c036b that he had 79733eba18 a wet dream 275923c7db about an acquaintance, e61046eaa6 and a male 0b76f2254a one at that, 7edfc07571 and worried about d3c0a2ac50 others finding out.3bd577f73a166501

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But the dream itself wasn’t disgusting. The fact that he had wet the sheets was proof. If the dream hadn’t been pleasant from the start, he wouldn’t have ejaculated.b47a9b587509ebd1

“…Am I gay?”e84ec3d4a15cd32f

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Gays aren’t bothered by dreams of sleeping with men. I wasn’t bothered by a dream of sleeping with Saul. Therefore, I am gay.2128397ff68d8a07

It was a simple 49961d8a6d syllogism.9cf7e47de3b4b71f

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“But I’ve never liked a guy before.”40636f912519b3e4

Even after ce52436d42 coming to d03c35c09a a conclusion, 5b9b916004 he was 1dab3aefb0 caught in e4b9963ebc a dilemma. In his d5281100ac life, he ced3c605fa had thought 72bb59554c about dating b60667c751 pretty women, b74c7d1d70 but never cf99b34114 had such 4a371cc5b2 feelings for c87e57a79d men.792a5ce49b4053cf

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Moreover, his 732adc9911 fantasies had e73fc6830b always involved 3b076292db women until 2c8f64afc8 now. Could his fd4d896ed1 sexual orientation d89ced3daa change so 8c88ec15ce suddenly?8808c856d4edbe8c

“Or is it because the boss is handsome?”99a155842ed6c3d1

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People might be 6f0cd9fa09 jealous of beauty, e7989722cb but no one d1385b7eb2 dislikes it.7cb09cd8b5eb7472

Horan began searching for 204927320c the most objectively handsome d787ecb156 person among his acquaintances, 7b1fb30ca0 excluding Saul.7746a3628d9b6722

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A person 16f1240c0c came to a7247cd804 mind. As much 060c2139b4 as he 62af8b04c9 hated to 0fdef4aee3 admit it, 1be1c33384 it was ebd2810910 Kang Haechan. But, ugh, he felt 90f98a7b04 nauseous before he could 4c36d8dbbd even imagine kissing him.28d017b807e8b492

“Is it because Kang Haechan isn’t my type?”564417cbc8aab38a

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Even gays must have e9d7086aaa preferences. He imagined holding 87d9124229 hands or kissing e5b1c20f8f every man he 31aa597c62 knew.89014f475206281c

But from 242e6e95b9 the convenience 7937e595c6 store clerk decdaae425 to the d437e25ce6 school teacher, c3c6384fd1 all were 4f81e44ca6 just repulsive.53ae511203a37fc7

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“Damn.”46f144ba9c2d0f8a

In frustration, he ruffled 258daaff64 his hair. His hair, dried without 7c255b5278 a blow dryer, flowed 26b2af5131 down with his touch.b31914bb3b90f9bf

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“What time is it?”8c10e796d60500ae

Seeing the time, 595ed165b5 Horan quickly sat 006657dc51 up. No wonder his back 2093751b6b felt stiff. He had been lying fd2ae4956f down for quite a f247b4dbb9 while.7aea7256e39ab1ac

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He had a5a52428a0 intended to 9796e68726 sleep more 8263d3fd70 to shake dda741f058 off the 86b5a5539d lingering hangover, 0113ce3146 but he b8d94fd562 had spent 589ffd9a79 all his 1a4a125a20 time pondering 35460307d7 his sexual ae1e8eb393 identity, squeezing d3b73a47f3 the unfortunate c4239890b5 towel.d69d4ea41268568d

“How am I supposed to face the boss…?”67d38c8635a4c4e6

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The thought of 7e7403692a soon having to de76be5450 see the most 0e18543f30 awkward person slowed b356eaa38f his hands as c11538efb0 he dressed.082b9173a115e493