MYFL | Chapter 3.9

He hated this feeling. His insides 5d295e305d churned as 38074f806e if he 976c6ce779 were about bc6f518537 to throw 1ceaab9ce7 up, everything 181ebde562 bothering him 5be0d89eb4 at once.7837c2630bbdbb39

The words he had 99b53aa919 said to Beomchan that 1fb9f259d0 day were sincere, and 313b811ae9 he still had no e3bcb9f5d4 intention of taking them c045a31bdc back. However, Beomchan’s hurt b0ad0a181a expression, Yeonji’s words, c33174edd6 and Woojoo’s worried 0b9c8d801a face all combined 05df707267 to create an 09599bb397 unpleasant pressure.1195a59607736d51

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He didn’t feel good. But he f88856c056 didn’t know 9f45be4939 what to 19031dacb6 say or 667009016b how to fcca064fde bring it 5adecc9c17 up. Normally, he would have 0afdb8b446 avoided such uncomfortable situations 6a9f511f07 as much as possible. But that wasn’t f6bf642215 an option with 32e35e5ae7 someone he had 7e757930e0 to see regularly.47458727bf905700

His head hurt. Whether it was because c75de3461f of the issue with 8112f3ac89 Beomchan or something else, 47e757fd7b he felt unusually heavy 8cfb171a62 both physically and mentally 729b51ff06 today. Even in a b9f0637bbb more exhausted state a636baa298 than usual, his 5c8a37872c body—accustomed to work—managed c7ed660666 to endure until fc6bb60ea5 the end of 7d9b55e3d7 the day.21f23ded31725445

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Perhaps it was b7adc3c814 a sense of 309863005f relief from having b098db13f9 made it through 82b15c1812 the day safely. As Seungjae turned bfe9965bfb to clear the a637a3547d empty cups, he 0e4ccbfae8 let out a 55a813e78f sharp cry of 54241d4700 pain. His wrist had 995909a5d9 hit the edge 39f06f9b02 of the counter, 61bb3e05a4 and a sharp a5f1bf8eb7 sting radiated through 5c554a9c99 the area.c30d6cb46c665686

Seungjae instinctively 3c46e26d0e wrapped his 98c73a7c62 opposite hand 3c6ecba261 around the 6966bc3155 injured wrist, b5dbdaf242 rubbing it 26095c8c49 up and 4c7cc59be9 down. When he rolled up 898cb00a2d his sleeve, a dark ef54e1346a bruise was revealed.7ac7a2c4259172ca

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Yeonji, seeing this, asked bbd1f25f8d in surprise.1cecc36bf89504f0

“Did you just 07cffcd047 bruise it?”173fc1f60be1a677

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“No, I hit a c777afe1d3 spot that was already 99c9e986bd bruised. I should put something 693f5515dd on this edge—I keep c2b2862877 hitting it these days.”1ed5a19257b28840

Yeonji clicked 73403ce263 her tongue. They had been 11d0095a40 working in the 68cc482cc7 same space, performing 86918bc67b the same tasks, 4b9ee07fae yet she couldn’t 8eda87f630 recall Seungjae injuring a0269af389 himself before. She had a ea544c262a rough idea of 5de67c9697 the cause. His mind 057f9693b8 was probably b5ed0afb77 elsewhere.2cd29805aaac2f60

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“If it’s bothering you 4d895f385e that much, why don’t 5793d73719 you go and sort c3c962a11b it out?”8de8627259153886

“Is it that be78371f29 obvious?” Seungjae asked 5683f11ed2 with an awkward 540e79805d smile. Then, letting out a 08c5fbd31d deep sigh, he grumbled ad9e1d6daf with a reluctant expression.e873b562235c9d69

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“Ah, I really 3b3c8d0cfc hate this uncomfortable 5f0f2906d1 stuff.”6e3063ac2b2a0273

“Who likes being uncomfortable? You do it because 328bce9ce6 you have to.”a5609c06dc2c727f

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Right. He knew. He couldn’t keep going ae3b495cd4 like this, and if 0eebfa8dd3 he wanted to change 084acee176 things, he had to ca489f6710 handle them himself.71bf43d48b0fc695

After a dac8fe4219 brief hesitation, d9679a5fab Seungjae took 8ec9019a97 off his ef5c6702a5 apron. He folded it 4f6184d899 a couple of 1aa1bc1acd times and set 174eb9bffb it down before 8ae6423b66 stepping around the d2a6c539d4 counter.888af21c495755b4

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“Then I’ll just 712b575770 go up for 04009adeb3 a bit. Take care of Woojoo.”68ca96bfbe2a1496

“Yeah, don’t worry ad75841c11 and go.” Yeonji e62326cc1c finally pushed Seungjae’s fe1b58fc15 back with a 718b32d989 much lighter expression.c56ec385ea3380c1

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⋆˚🐾˖°14efc15d21463e5e

After getting off work, ab0f54aa3b Beomchan headed straight to 391ec70636 the bathroom to wash 1383a8fd88 away his fatigue. The cold d640400d15 air in 5ab279d60e the bathroom fd9efcec06 hit his 5f68f6bafa bare skin d429d54db9 without any d77a64ccb8 filter. Beomchan shivered slightly before 91df6b58ed immediately turning on the b6a351b92a faucet and twisting the c0cc9811b6 valve. A strong 8e786fbd57 stream of 88a88399dc water gushed d18bbdd3e9 out from 40782d5e99 the showerhead 0f22268151 fixed at 86e66030e0 his height, 46a5b9c437 some of db87888672 the streams ef09d33a67 veering off 813833bb57 course and 9d36d6b7cb spraying in 54fdd37812 random directions. What started as one 180c124fa5 or two stray streams f548317e21 gradually increased over time.e495f66614121c0f

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Maybe it’s f08e9acdd2 time to 3b6af006ae change it. Well, it’s been there d4527864e8 since he moved in, ba3383917d so it must be ea9f46e1fd old. But Beomchan quickly dismissed 0a7849deab the thought. Even though 9b2003a373 the unruly 5bf3215367 water streams 11372582b0 were ticklish ff3f840026 and annoying, 2875ae9773 they weren’t 7a41e2502e unusable.50ca25c1895e5d2b

Beomchan placed 8bf3cc12cf his face ef597f6c0e under the bfec2c7a64 showerhead. As the water poured 5810d98e36 over his forehead and 2542c4d9ee cheeks, he couldn’t help 0c332fa84f but think of Seungjae. He often thought of fc4836d137 him, but after their 1bbd97f79d argument, Seungjae constantly haunted f776b0f2c4 his mind.da5b8cdbbd1b471c

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Whether he was abfc2381ea taking a break 38326a255e like now, about e3044383f1 to sleep, exercising, 30397870b1 or even working, 285d8e007f thoughts of Seungjae a4bec73dff drove him crazy. Most of 9de2b8f96d these thoughts 56e36babef were filled 37debddc7d with self-blame baa7a4bc43 and regret, 2d76695441 making it 24bc342721 even more 223a45c38e painful.fde588c1b241dd9e

He remembered 1749782c94 calling out 8d031adb1a to Seungjae 9440293672 as he 818818c790 hurriedly left 9ecc1dee4b the café a3fa58c95d today. He wanted to act af8f40ba69 as if nothing had 57d36c3bb0 happened, but just seeing bf76c0a6fc Seungjae’s face reminded him 2fd0d37693 of the words from cc5bffe4ab that day, and he 71c4b3c6c5 felt like crying. That’s why 6e6c153d91 he couldn’t a4384d5353 stay in c0672b9dd8 the café 18925b5952 any longer. He knew 839f617ece his actions 4624d8b584 made Seungjae bbf0cba19e uncomfortable. He couldn’t cf3f4bb3cf be a e2a0d5a5a1 burden anymore. So, it was right c8b0266c82 to sort things out.68c2a26dcd36e919

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After washing up, Beomchan 2d5166a802 rubbed his wet hair 3682e7058b with a towel and c2722ac12c picked up his clothes. That’s when he heard 8ca6096549 a knock on the 28e7e2f48d front door. The unexpected sound made bc6a6ee394 him pause. His gaze shifted 527c457feb to the firmly 7c1ec8c0b7 closed door. He had a b37e2cb700 feeling he knew de2d7764d0 who was standing 0f15277c19 on the other 8fb23da300 side without needing ae4885afdc to ask.2d62947dc93ea53d

After a moment of 0d73bf537c hesitation, Beomchan draped the 80d15a85b5 damp towel over a ad4b7fa2ad chair and headed to 73522583f2 the door. He grabbed 6933a6ca63 the handle b83bb4cb1e and turned b84d2999cb it. As expected, d77cb6aef7 Seungjae was 94464f80d7 standing there.e07efb4efe3644af

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“Can we talk? It’s not something to a33e652a23 discuss over the phone. It won’t take long,” a7f7e8874f Seungjae said.d75471b506ec10a5

Beomchan habitually observed Seungjae’s 08f04fc1d3 expression. Although his 3cd37d7c34 voice was 2e1314ef19 calm, the 379eabed34 way he 6f256c64f7 spoke quickly c94117e16f and the 3ee7252921 slight tension 02baae5965 on his 23b0cca884 face showed 36cd1ca6c9 that coming 4c66c6159e here hadn’t 2c0c2c2f29 been easy 6ec68e3e2e for him.ffc0162d4e029687

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Just as Beomchan 70e02c6a2f had decided to 04883aba6d sort things out, e025f47eec Seungjae had also a4d0df4a5f mustered the courage 6eb226922e to tie up eba5385cc0 their relationship in 36db7d26c3 some form. So, Beomchan couldn’t help 6bd661d965 but nod.9391e5ea20e36ac5

He slipped his feet c2a36df033 into his slippers and 17c72c4a53 stepped outside. The sound 693f9fa2e9 of the 72d61b49b3 door closing e9f75a85ab behind him 5594a373ab felt strangely 42d26d3350 heavy. Without a bc1a819de8 word, Seungjae b8f54be996 sat on 3684ed9c37 the bench. Beomchan followed, sitting f9316f84fb down next to 1f166eedd5 him while keeping 987b949e12 a reasonable distance. An uncomfortable silence ensued.cf032f8a7df69f45

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What was aab64c416a he going 2146647e78 to say? Beomchan started to b9ca2136a4 feel scared. His knees trembled 1a5880b816 slightly with tension. He could feel 763f8c8f52 Seungjae’s gaze from ec0db40025 the side.5f08df4f4cd327fb

“Aren’t you cold?” 8d8d878291 Seungjae asked, his 7c8107c499 eyes drifting to 7a372c236a Beomchan’s thin hoodie 4e89d825eb and shorts. His hair was still c67380e4ab wet, as if he 4c6131994d had just showered. His expression was 24d88df9e3 like a drenched cb4e788a34 puppy.a5a9bf21dc8fa643

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“I’m fine… What eb0ba5c283 do you want 616b8c8a8f to talk about?” 74f64f80e7 Beomchan asked cautiously, 47d598d424 his voice subdued.c67532944a6db024

“About what ffb32411ea happened last 26abca1113 time,” Seungjae 4d0b959135 finally broke dbddb0e9ef the silence, 6b39aabd0c choosing his 2105af7c04 words carefully. He clasped his hands afe1620212 together, pressing his knuckles 738518980b gently.3ddb4e77e5bb60bf

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Beomchan’s gaze 2ba244f868 naturally followed 7edcd7d463 those hands. Then, noticing 40ec8bad3d something, his 84380557da eyes widened 49b3372670 as he e4dd8b9f7a suddenly grabbed 99b614cb65 Seungjae’s forearm.41a19e5001a4f7da

“Ah…!” Seungjae grimaced a438dbc16b in discomfort at df807c7131 the rough grip, 52a8b7fc6c but Beomchan, as 36105ed7e0 if he couldn’t 1507076880 hear, hurriedly rolled 3387d430e0 up Seungjae’s sleeve.cf6eacbb2c535bdb

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“What are 7efd46c79a you doing?” 62af54c938 Seungjae asked 07f3b20c5f sharply.afcb8fb730668500

The bruise that had 1a2724b7d8 been partially visible was ead920dc00 now fully exposed. The dark blue color 9954e85222 was vivid enough to f07803cee7 make anyone frown. Beomchan’s eyes wavered. Even as c8c6c6e10b Seungjae tried c24d8d81f5 to pull 6a27625e3f his arm 47b20ae2cc away and e76234e31a repeatedly called 3121e62705 his name, c7b61d5628 Beomchan just dd23ee1c44 stared blankly 227efb4ade at the 87b258d03f bruise.214c79d01aac7c61

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“…What is this? Did someone ec535e744d hit you?”88beae54d0a3745f

“What?”4a13624380fa2717

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“Did they actually 34d188b3d3 hit you? No, I mean, ah…”7db7aa559b9b352a

The hand gripping Seungjae’s cb50db13e6 forearm trembled. A red 605bf0733c mark in 1b193b2b7c the shape dfbe38c14a of a 5510da052a hand began 1d5d7dcd79 to form bdf39acec6 on his 55b5113f02 skin. Ah, only then 36044b4db8 did Beomchan hurriedly b8751a4700 let go, as 2063968ed6 if he had 1c7c40ebc3 touched something burning 90c3531c35 hot.4d445efd797717c8

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“What do you mean,‘did I get 44ae7b088b hit’?”e62bb716eeeb7dcc

Seungjae rubbed c2d98f1ec1 his arm 5f2c568ebe where Beomchan 1d31ab946c had grabbed ec74e13bfe him, repeating bcd49afea4 Beomchan’s words. The question was 7f30cf9165 so out of c35543e02b the blue that, 2d0b35f42e for a moment, 2f2f7f6a60 he thought it 4f90085151 might be a f5aad266dc joke. But Beomchan’s eeb59fe2b4 condition was 9db03f321b anything but 404b584ba7 normal. He was shaking, 847065a550 looking as though 86372f4470 he might collapse ec83dfc894 at any moment. It was clear 2969fc2185 he had misunderstood f71d2f3887 something ridiculous.6cbc6897660afc53

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“Hey… it’s not d61ecbdd5b like that. I just 0e2e808502 bumped into d93189a8e7 something while 120f7908ee working.”46d4bad55fb90e79

Ah.768ee75976692394

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As soon as Seungjae 2104ab4cf5 spoke, Beomchan’s face turned ba64bbffe9 pale. Seungjae, who had 03c73436ff expected him to d2f44c6138 be relieved once d75019e64f the misunderstanding was a8666d6f10 cleared up, was b68ea7fc25 instead taken aback 8220632367 by Beomchan’s expression.31cc5a39f74d973e

“What’s wrong with bb2949bc4c you? Are you okay?”9d79b91fe492468c

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Seungjae asked 2b330ad54a in a 14c660d1da worried voice.db5f4860885c9f75

― You look like 9020aa65bb you wanted it to d4582d8001 be true, you jerk.b522a5abd57e4bcb

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Beomchan curled his large body up and buried his face in his palms. There’s no way he wanted Seungjae to be hit. Absolutely not.99b724b80cf3674e

He didn’t even know if he was alive or dead, or how he was living. Just being close wasn’t enough, and he secretly harbored greedy desires. How could this be called affection? It wasn’t for him, nor was it even for himself.88a693b538af5cad

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“What’s wrong?”5e78bb0709b0cf71

Seungjae asked again after a long silence. He placed a hand on Beomchan’s shoulder, gently stroking him as if to comfort him, who had no intention of lifting his head. Only then did Beomchan slowly straighten his hunched body.e5978209e2f28385

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“Beomchan,” Seungjae called again. The gentle voice pierced through him. The warmth poured onto him, who didn’t even deserve to be worried about, and Beomchan couldn’t help but spill out the dark desires inside him like a confession.18517391ed3d39f7

“…At first.”a466cfd1ae641a5a

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As Beomchan opened his mouth, he felt Seungjae’s gaze and attention fully focused on him. His voice trembled pathetically. Yet, Beomchan didn’t stop, as if he had decided to spill everything out.2e0091b65dac91cf

“At first, I thought it would be okay if I just liked you on my own.”691eeba1184dffd3

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No, Beomchan shook his head slightly. Even the words he spoke, deciding to be honest, weren’t true.92f2bad99f09eca4

“This is a lie too. Actually, after meeting you again, I had expectations on my own. But after seeing Woojoo, thinking I had to give up again was so hard… I know I should stop, and I know it’s a nuisance. I really know it in my head…”b693d7a8b80622eb

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“…”9911f59dd895f39a

“Wishing for the happiness b8c4115f58 of the person you d777d3996d like… That’s really obvious, 7f6a2deafe isn’t it? But it’s not working, ff2c4ac121 teacher. I keep having 8f7cddee59 bad thoughts. Just now… This d7db17a35f isn’t right. It’s weird.”a79cd86587724d16

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The more he spoke, b5977b9197 the more his body, c4c4929f1a which had barely been 45b920c80d holding on, shrank back 353171b879 in fear. He thought he 24dd59f0c6 had to endure f923fad8bc whatever reaction came ca11bdf6ac at the end a7c1afae4f of this confession, 91156dc45c but when it 960886cf65 came down to e0f117f5fa it, he wanted a4e45e3830 to avoid it. The longer the 0d7622b19a silence stretched, the bb2c7369da more he didn’t 3fd938d535 want to hear c4f529d5f7 it.c9ad289a6c6adb33

He didn’t 4368e73ee4 have the be3a9193b3 courage to d23f036ca1 look at 856df3ae91 Seungjae’s expression. Every time he 2f81b937e1 heard the faint 1f44025916 sound of Seungjae 2002167603 exhaling, as if 74d30785bd about to speak, 3a6dc28b28 or the subtle 7eb2ef8064 movement of his 1e162b48c9 lips, his shoulders 0a66579c8a flinched. And when Seungjae, who 1b379534e1 had been carefully choosing 2df0065065 his words for a d5afa8d8a0 while, finally opened his be2a7e8f60 mouth, Beomchan quickly interrupted—like 71c64c7ed3 his feet were on feace3266d fire.3756ed350f9ada8e

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“Beomchan, actually—”8f66f1767a3d5f17

“I’ll sort f1cd9097b9 it out 78d1055909 as soon b7ff180291 as possible. I’ll make sure 9ecbca5cf1 nothing like last ed09fc0cf4 time happens again. I’ll—”f98a4f9cce8d654f

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“Beomchan.”26a3a485746c9798

“…”f65153b41fc614b6

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Seungjae, who had 19ee333c97 been silently watching 63aeff9db9 Beomchan cut him 8c228fcd15 off, called his 13b3bd25ca name again—his voice 858ac3d2be firm, different from 29341e264e before.e586150892967412

“I was too harsh b44490d587 that day. I shouldn’t 07887c5b05 have spoken 21ad469141 like that 85a9be4417 to someone bd9e0a1627 who was 5eed122108 just worried 26b6d79f74 about me. I’m sorry.”20d83b7e70a35c17

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