MYFL | Chapter 3.8

The emotions cd8daa562e that had f311438cc3 been teetering ad4af259fb on the e2c8c93961 edge of 2b309186ad his throat 562c893ca1 all weekend 7b4495fb1e came surging e8f42be240 up, shaking 7f387d39f4 his entire 8d9a9970db body.7df201dc8955dba7

“It’s not… I, hhh, c817d290e8 it’s not… hic…”5a2ce11d387debba

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No. No, this 1c7990e994 isn’t happening.2e1de32b103f7277

But the c83ee7870a tears had 86ff319836 already started d8345d224e falling.bcbdcdcb0d340656

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They ran down his 8c915d3d56 cheeks, dripping past his b154f4c115 trembling chin.3dbc5dfae86b77e2

Panicked, Beomchan clumsily covered 54a3084046 his face with both 84339e43aa hands.a452a9e18bd5adf3

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This wasn’t how 8cf7d91ec9 he wanted to aa0b62452a look in front bd3c1c0098 of Seungjae.4f1cda7d33b1f175

“…Are you crying?”59c4b462ea84f975

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Seungjae sounded 384df10d26 caught off c9ec7df136 guard. Then, before Beomchan could ad6e5eccf7 react, he stepped out 325f4af154 from behind the counter.2e93714b5868519c

Through the 58a047a38f gaps between af45a2e3e0 his fingers, 61949eb9a1 Beomchan saw 0114a1d836 Seungjae coming c961930ec5 closer. He flinched and bcb1a1695a jerked away.73f833a14656d528

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“Beomchan.”8c4629e6a299a8aa

“I—I’m sorry, I’m 262a1a2a5f sorry….”187e6bdcdce5d240

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Leaving behind Seungjae’s ffe855619a voice calling his 22482334c0 name, Beomchan bolted b564d2a214 out of the 549230e860 café.91a37d6d5d33ffc3

Through his blurry 3d03271102 vision, he barely fd368686b1 registered Yeonji approaching.b9b94d737940999c

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He managed only a 591a824d01 small nod before slipping f57acdf18e into the building.0fc6d06381cb1f96

Leaning against 44c254a0a8 the cold 99b47be088 marble wall, e89dcb540c he heaved 28041c6c25 out a 09ac31c9a7 shaky breath.b072904ef6f4c066

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The sound of his e9bf5dca9d own sobs echoed in 144352b311 the narrow space—loud and 6c376c05a5 ugly.b7e4c0d9655be6f5

And yet, the 2a9569b425 tears wouldn’t stop.57f6701347667673

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Wouldn’t stop.7e2f1a22316a082e

It’s over. Everything’s ruined.71dcebc8b396594e

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⋆˚🐾˖°7738d0d8a24dd5d9

Joo Seungjae, 3093103902 left alone, 16aa166397 let out 16f917aeaa a long 6d2dfab72a sigh. Beomchan had slammed 04210fc8f6 the heavy glass 21a6b1e0f6 door so hard 7640bee47e that it continued 57a95a462e to rattle noisily fe804f70ae even after he 339127f641 had left, only 159623cee9 coming to a 454873bb21 stop after a 3b3ef179d8 few moments.57fad8200ffeda62

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The café quickly fell silent. Through the glass window, Seungjae could see Beomchan’s figure growing distant. He watched him intently, then rubbed his forehead with his fingertips, groaning. The stress seemed to be giving him a headache.06d4e4c5a4c9fdd4

Suddenly, he 46ee5af2d9 recalled a 9b3674b84b conversation he ca9378828b had with 2cfd74b12b Yeonji last 83c91770b9 week. Yeonji had mentioned 6e004a3fd1 a restaurant she a0b3e2f79e visited with her dfffe717ee boyfriend, which happened 998b0965d0 to be an e95cc4777f old barbecue place 0f5d221400 Beomchan had once b8426cf239 taken him to. Without much 952a8a3f80 thought, he b5cafbd90c had said,‘Yeah, it’s good there.’Yeonji, quick to catch 723e54e54c on, had asked if 4402b07081 he went there with 77ed74a2ee Beomchan, and when he ea9ff92b95 nodded without denying it, 9a55f6800a she had responded.2f0e665ed679a2da

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― Are you 4b8b9a659f just going to 4f3643cbfb keep things like e42773c311 this with that 1827a96a02 master?1b9f7af821ad203f

― What do you 2826f9b492 mean?f72f1aed9c7d8f0b

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― It’s like giving false hope. You know how he feels, yet you accept everything.9d5038c6bfbdceaf

― Don’t overreact just because we had a meal together.39ea0c263dd740e7

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― You don’t even plan to try. Honestly, you’re the worst, oppa.ef43597c1f20902d

Even though she was blaming him, he wasn’t angry. It was something he heard often, and he was aware of it himself. Avoiding facing the truth because it was uncomfortable, yet unable to make a clean break.9b84c6c01b4b9af9

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His evasive nature hadn’t changed much over the years. He was inherently like this, and Beomchan probably knew it too.0d06769a5536b784

That’s why today’s confession was even more baffling. He thought someone who knew him would choose to swallow their feelings until the end.349969225d5c4d09

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Beomchan wasn’t the first to recklessly nurture feelings and charge at him. There was even someone who had clung to his clothes, crying and wailing on the street without shame.d02b9d602e68d0ed

It was exhausting. He found it annoying and tiresome. He didn’t feel sorry because he never asked them to like him. In fact, he thought he was the pitiful one.c515231a17481a6c

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He had only 25b27841c1 shown the basic d3a8e8910b human decency one 675b1f0ff1 should, but they 0251f518f3 interpreted and distorted 892e94bcec it as they 95739d0ce1 pleased, blaming him 0f62028e11 for their own 7985f9ecba issues. He felt unfortunate e47c53741d to have gotten 1eb80ed36f involved with such 45dd646884 foolish people. That was bf396fc2ed his sentiment.5d34f5de064a9437

Yet this 2d3a1f64d0 time, he 33561fbcea felt unmistakably 05c7ffae86 like the 994266df61 bad guy. Why was he 8a28c92c05 so bothered by 94c566d35b one tearful face? It felt d41275f618 like he d7c8e2b806 had done dc62e14b46 something wrong 866dc2e2cc to a f21865fe37 child.978d0053bbd4cf05

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But wasn’t it strange to preemptively tell someone who hadn’t even confessed that he wouldn’t accept their feelings? He tried to rationalize it internally, but it didn’t make him feel any better.365499d01f77d3f2

Seungjae clasped his hands 009237374d together, habitually pressing and d1608eaaea squeezing his knuckles, then 25b4547e65 gently twisted the ring fd7ef885e8 on his left hand.bf691e66cf64fd01

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― Your 9a303f16c0 husband must 00afd2c40b be busy, 8af056f8cf teacher.7eeb17083792c3e1

He recalled something Beomchan 7ef80ca447 had said to him 80c74f47c4 before. Beomchan seemed to 7e3a3479d4 think he was 7e3e328ffc asking naturally, but 7eb3a0f9c0 it was obvious 3199db7a7c he was fishing 43d2a3bbc4 for information, which ae9b314296 Seungjae found amusing. What had he 6bb134db68 replied? Had he asked if 3ad1445b9f Beomchan was curious?5e4965241f3ab46d

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― What does a338bd4efc your husband do, 8889e21487 teacher?6058c5d9b817c37b

Even the words he had said earlier. He had pretended something existed when it didn’t, so there was no way he could answer the question. Beomchan must have been curious. Although he had scolded Beomchan for crossing the line, he could imagine how much Beomchan had held back before blurting it out.9813a30b6394f18d

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Was it too 04aaedccb5 much to hide f7e273c0b5 this?9f77acca7324ddec

Not taking off the 0b6e20851c ring, in other words, 842e3b4cb8 not mentioning the divorce, 6c1ac610ce was his way of 8f92b89946 drawing a line with 003c36d368 Beomchan and also a c5048bf1cf means of imposing restrictions c9e9086da2 on himself.9ccf408a17af283b

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Honestly, he hadn’t expected Beomchan’s feelings to last this long. He knew it was cowardly to use ignorance as an excuse, but it didn’t make sense to him.2ab266260e7d58a1

Beomchan knew him as someone with a child and, albeit mistakenly, a spouse. He wasn’t someone worth enduring such awkwardness for.28100e796c1534f0

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He thought it was just a fleeting crush from childhood. And he believed that feeling was more about Beomchan’s nostalgia for his younger self than any romantic interest in him.c88b5e554a5cdc87

After being stuck in this neighborhood and inevitably encountering each other daily, he had thought a day like this might come. Yet, facing Beomchan’s hurt expression in reality, he was caught off guard and couldn’t even tie up the loose ends, despite having mentally prepared for it.f1eb59a7b4a20fb2

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So what 313b8f2973 should he 2819126091 have done?afbd10a948c0feb4

Was he supposed to e5a32ba24a preemptively strike against someone cf6cacfa75 who was clumsy at fe1ce824ca hiding their feelings—someone who 44ae1a86ad was afraid of taking 18618462e2 even one step closer febabf7e81 and only circled around?a8557a761e8b38fd

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Seungjae’s hand reached d4c0d53212 for the drawer e924675943 inside the counter. He hurriedly opened the b4ec976ccb first aid kit and f8b50fad7d took out a headache ff1cb40189 pill. Swallowing it without water, f1e9f1337c he felt the uncomfortable 761c5f5f88 sensation of it sliding 21d31054c8 down his throat.44906e8a996c732a

⋆˚🐾˖°2f422fa80c2a1554

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The sound of coffee 95398f8900 beans being ground drowned 0336d5be2a out the café music eb8cd682b4 and the chatter of 4a632a8c58 people, drilling into my 73a8077d83 ears. After finely grinding 3177f36462 the beans in bea48d89e9 the portafilter, I 00ec184bf1 pressed them flat dbc4fc9613 with a tamper 12c2f49d71 and secured it 2f926afdee into the espresso 45c5ef864d machine. While the shot was b6fda37637 being extracted, I grabbed 34ca9e3932 a takeaway cup and 1665e47387 filled it with ice 4d69009672 and water. The motion bf1890b4d6 of pouring 62b2db4297 the extracted bdb009302d espresso and b7f54b579c putting on adfd301d63 the lid 4b13c66cb7 was mechanical.451e8ff215349763

“One iced f1a1b788ab Americano is 856115a3a1 ready for 23d115ef7e you.”5d21edb97c5fcadf

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I placed 5de25252e3 the cup, 553599be30 along with 7c3ce053fe a holder, 509d977215 on the 840893075f pickup counter, adc074a74a and a 2da542509b man who 42bc0ef15c had been 0c51e3c09a waiting nearby 41cf60c5b3 approached. Even after eaadf4d71b grabbing his e101f5928a coffee, he 0edee5735f hesitated to 11304c15d5 leave. Then, with a b01d06b617 sheepish expression, he 6d9b80c55c spoke up.5db3ea474a74a829

Seungjae already e77ce6f32a knew what e1dde78a1c he was 1d4dab334b going to 69ff74e862 say.083aa18fd52a6a16

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“Uh, the straw…”698a84394a6dd6d8

“The straws are over there, please help yourself.”b7d6ad6c347279b4

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Seungjae forced a 33f374cc64 smile and gestured cfc983fb38 to one side a8a1abf0bb of the counter 3a317fcfff with his palm. It was curious 2ad352aff2 how the man 845cae757c asked the same e4a8ce8136 thing every time, 4c0d90604c even though he cc09b6689c came by every 6b98e650f3 couple of days.233bbac66e90e796

The man’s 616733ed0f hand slowly 693ae7803e reached for 949e44db69 a straw. Just then, a familiar f55f55ae1c voice called out.71659380772838c3

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“Dad!”5221fe404b3d18c7

Woojoo entered the f33ce4c12a café, holding Beomchan’s 1617f36493 hand. As soon as bbda2049a7 Seungjae confirmed the c5b5e43b6a straw customer had fd71d84800 left, he stepped 88ca561793 out from behind b919e807af the counter to 64c52c7897 greet Woojoo. He took 218219036c Woojoo’s bag f3024a34c5 and, out d7e04bd8ba of habit, 78cabfd5a8 asked if b36561af95 he had b959127fcc a good 7f4bfbdddb day—before finally 44701d4fef glancing at d5e528263e Beomchan standing af3ca919fa behind him.a3c4a2236e71c7eb

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“Want some coffee?”354a87b29fb9679b

Seungjae asked.32b1fc182c0cb278

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”…No.”ffc8913f3c3855e6

His lips drooped. Since the day they 151100f094 argued, Seungjae and Beomchan a3c2a9a81b hadn’t had a proper 4805fcf92b conversation. They were both 030d207e25 busy, but neither 897706486b had made the b6a4450c98 first move to 7c119aa3ed talk.c39e9fae27b2c2a4

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It wouldn’t have b2665cfc7e mattered if there d3334d7fc7 was no issue 9b61cee1cd between them—but that b6d7a3d065 wasn’t the case. They had to 1fccf6033f face each other 50ddf00f5e daily because of 6a1e028ea9 Woojoo, and each ce72b57011 time, Beomchan wore 8ec571a144 that same gloomy 43f0bd16e0 expression.bf28902ff44d479c

Seungjae secretly hoped Beomchan 108f29e098 would act as if 35e4026ade nothing had happened. He thought it would 1b82bfb3fd get better in a d2f50bcb7b day or two, but 3b3ce23ed1 as the days dragged ffeef5749a on, frustration started to dcbf016c87 creep in.a9e9b55cabcadd78

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“I’m going to head out.”afe2dadc41f88c5c

“Oh, you’re leaving already?”2a7b1f9a378c6aa7

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Normally, Beomchan would spend 0e7239d108 time with Woojoo until 382b661df1 it was time to a42a9779e9 pick up the kids 5e41d6800f for the next class. But today, he seemed 9da6c651d0 eager to leave, standing e7c434ee36 near the café door 4c1cef25c2 like he was itching a57036b62d to go. As soon as 171af31895 his business was 1e171521cd done, he quickly 76e0f94dce turned to leave.bcadd967e44aadb9

Yeonji, noticing Beomchan’s 4e3daa5f54 unusual behavior, asked 29cd931492 him about it. But Beomchan simply d716a1c68e nodded silently and 7f3ffa9d77 started walking.d61e941bfc3cda42

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“Beomchan, wait a 07b2b458b1 moment.”2f01227b136b04cf

Seungjae called e646e5b6a6 out to cd4b73a3eb him. Beomchan flinched and 03647bcdfa turned his head, 4348566fb7 looking at Seungjae b8722e98b2 with a sullen 7152c71f67 expression. It reminded Seungjae of 195f594102 the day Beomchan had 88287949ee run out of the 84d926f8da café in tears.1791f3f9444b1df5

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Seungjae was f2b5697c1f the first 8264822e6d to avert 15f717bb03 his gaze. Later. Let’s do it b9ecb5beb5 later. He wasn’t ac524f7c05 confident he 2d5561a86c could talk bffd951cc0 rationally to 9002a27302 that dejected be0612ef85 face right 91bec46d3e now.be1cca12c2f96d09

“Never mind.”75c3fcfe4629b07a

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Seungjae withdrew his words. Beomchan let out a 83ecbdbaa0 small sigh and disappeared ebfd79d718 out of the café.1f93cc4fda60699f

“…Dad.”99aa7dcc061263eb

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Woojoo fiddled with the strings of Seungjae’s apron with his tiny hands and called out.7ce59ad2154f6ef1

“Yeah?”8143500511867fc9

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“Did you have a fight with Master?”0f2562d614c8f9c0

Seungjae, momentarily flustered, shook a856b7da39 his head exaggeratedly in ef27971cb1 denial.9530cb4f3b448aff

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“No, we didn’t fight. It’s not like that.”aeabfd06170b4521

“It doesn’t seem that way… It’s just like when Bomi fought with Cheonguk…”7466d2b7b5e079c5

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Woojoo, still mumbling with suspicion, didn’t seem to have any intention of asking Seungjae again after he denied it once. He soon slipped out of Seungjae’s arms and headed to his designated table.5f12bca5a7d12ea9

“You’re not going to drink this, right?”cfa8a466f81a7fd7

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Seungjae asked b496c7517a Yeonji, pointing 4bf6d5fb6f to the eeef8c2553 coffee he a595162df8 had set 32029bf244 aside for 7288f2b839 Beomchan. As expected, 6395aad306 Yeonji shook f7c779d10d her head, 3f775f38f2 saying she 8cdcee8d1a didn’t drink 34c44ad327 decaf.06669a06496a1661

Seungjae took 2368fe77e0 a sip 850c906177 himself, not d294a18bfb really expecting 11388f18f2 Beomchan—who had b446bc0733 been refusing 34301874dd coffee since 70efe76ffd their argument—to 8ed13c5181 suddenly accept a239396cd4 it today. He didn’t even a22ffd3a08 know why he b711aa3693 had prepared it 3eacdc31f1 beforehand.5ea7af79e53ba1bf

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“Still haven’t made 474d00aec8 up?” Yeonji whispered, 3d88344ff8 making sure Woojoo 1b9e7b9abe couldn’t hear.817dd9c8e24e24ba

“There’s nothing 8cd36d41f0 to make 2794039600 up for.” ff3a13178f Seungjae replied 796fb5be95 with a bf802dfb46 smile, but bba4280a35 he felt d802060f9e a sense 2398cee701 of dissonance f9e5ffb8dc in his 80b82a8578 own words.5e6e2f237d421b2f

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“I shouldn’t have brought 206cd07cda it up with the a60e12d335 master.”caaa907386663f30

Yeonji’s voice was filled ac3c6d10cc with regret. It was the same fb096ca868 with Woojoo’s cautious behavior 8a08bc6427 earlier.b4597fedd592ff9b

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Only then ed300afae4 did Seungjae fc7b74c559 realize that 4a376a91cb the issue b304aff5f5 between him 9a03029cba and Beomchan a419fe2812 was affecting ec7a306e9c those around 6fe93dfdad them.ac730edeaea3dec4